Idiot!
No!
Yes!
"Sorry, Atle"
Welcome to Kongen Befaler,
the programme where five women - and men! -
have worked night and day, or at least day,
to solve unnecessary tasks to entertain the people of Norway.
Imagine how much they could accomplish if they
spent their time on the world's great challenges.
We should be glad that these five aren't the
ones who have to solve the world's problems.
It's nice to work against war and poverty,
but it doesn't get anyone a bust in gold... of me!
And... in almost perfect alphabetical order,
based on the last letters of their first names:
Harald Eia!
Janne Formoe!
Kristine Grændsen!
Martin Lepperød!
And Henrik Elvestad!
It's time for a classic in the Kongen Befaler universe.
This task is known as the 'prize task'.
Today, the participants have been told to bring
the smallest thing they are most afraid of losing. [note: "losing" is the same word as "dropping"]
Who do you want to start with?
I'm not sure. Any suggestions? Kristine, I'll start with you.
The smallest thing I'm afraid of losing [dropping] is...
a tiny shard of glass.
Because I have built up a pretty big fear of broken glass.
I've brought some tweezers, so that I can lift it.
If I break some glass at home and it ends up on the floor,
then I have to move house.
You have to move?
Yes, because I can't deal with it.
I was even afraid of lifting the cloth,
since it could end up on the stage.
And then the stage would be unusable,
because then anyone could get it into their body
and through their blood circulation.
So you have a kind of phobia?
I can't stop imagining that the shard
is just circulating through my body.
Because that's what will happen, right?
It goes into the blood vessels and just circulates around.
Is this a diagnosis?
My brother thinks it's a bit too early in life to become so weird.
No, it's never too early. Look at Harald.
It's nice that you're reassuring me.
So that means if we break something at home,
I can never have a child come to visit ever again.
But you must have broken a glass or something at home before.
What do you do when that happens?
You don't move right away, do you?
We haven't lived where we live now for that long,
so not much has happened yet.
But we broke something once, and then I made a plan with
my boyfriend where we vacuumed twice a day for two weeks.
And he had to...
What a patient guy.
It's over now, right?
We had to promise each other... Or he had to promise...
You make it sound so nice.
"We made a plan together."
And I vacuumed very little.
Wow!
I didn't want to walk around there.
And both had to wear slippers for those two weeks.
Right, the task is definitely solved.
Can we put this down where everyone can see it?
Should we secure it somehow?
Do you want a person standing at each end of it?
Harald, what have you brought?
I have brought something so small that I have taken a picture of it.
And I'm so scared of losing it, even though I have billions of it.
My chromosomes.
So sleazy.
I have spread them out on four kids.
But still, one day when I'm gone,
these will disappear,
and that day I fear.
I have solved the task with poetry.
Martin, what have you brought?
I have brought...
...the PIN code for the SIM card for my phone.
That's almost as poetic as what Harald came up with.
Just more helpful.
I can't for the life of me remember this code.
The PIN code?
That's four digits!
I don't have a chance, I can't do it!
You know you can change it to whatever you want?
Right...
So you're walking around with that card in your pocket?
I have it in a drawer, which only contains this.
I would have understood if it was PUK2. Even PUK1. But the PIN?
The reason I'm afraid of losing it is because I find
it so uncomfortable to call the mobile phone company.
In order for you to prove that you are you,
they often ask for your social security number.
You can't remember that either?
I do remember that!
But I've been told my whole life:
"Don't to tell that number to anyone!"
And then I feel that I should get theirs.
I want them to also prove that they work there.
So you also ask for their social security number?
Now half of Norway know your PIN code.
So now you can just ask random people on the street if you need it.
You can just throw away that card now.
I hope everyone has memorised it now.
You don't have to be afraid of that anymore.
Put it down, but don't lose it.
Henrik, what do you have?
I would say this is poetic.
In principle, I can lose all material things without it being a crisis.
What will be a crisis for me is if I lose one of my family members.
And this is the smallest specimen in my family. This is Martine.
It's your daughter?
Yes, my smallest daughter, to put it that way.
I also have another daughter and a wife,
three family members, and she is the smallest.
And that wouldn't be bearable to lose.
I agree with that.
Did you come here voluntarily?
Or did he force you into that box?
No, it was...
Say yes.
Yes.
This doesn't look real!
You don't look like her father.
You look very nervous, and you look just as nervous.
It looks like a hostage situation. - Nervous? You're the one who looks nervous.
It looks completely wild.
RUN!
You...
You should never have children, Martin.
And she has a lot more hair than you!
My god, I don't have a bald daughter.
I don't know!
Can't you confirm that you're not here as
a hostage and that you are my daughter?
If you even have to ask about that.
She's hesitating a bit.
Yes, I'm here completely voluntarily.
Then we will believe that.
Let's see what you have, Janne.
I have this little box.
You don't have a daughter in there, I can tell right away.
A small embryo.
Dad.
A lost child.
These... are...
worry dolls.
What did you just say? With a dialect? - Worry dolls, she said!
This is...
Dolls!
Worry dolls made by children from Guatemala.
You put them...
It's absolutely true!
It's tradition that you say your concern to the doll,
And then you put it under your pillow.
Then the doll takes away the worry.
It's funny that she laughs at that, It's completely true!
Why do you have so many?
Because I have a lot of worries.
And now I have even more, after taking part in this.
So they only tolerate one worry per doll?
Yes.
But do you ever have 5 or 6 worries? - For example...
I don't want to be harassed,
they're bullying me at Kongen Befaler.
Why am I so bad?
Why is the audience laughing in such a mocking way?
Or as they say in Guatemala:
"Why focus on these dolls instead of increasing our GDP?"
All right, great. Thank you, Janne.
Then it's time to hand out some points.
Yes, it's about time.
Harald, you'll get one point. - You're kidding?
He brought half of his genes, I brought all of mine.
No, ok, you'll get one point then.
Let's see. Two points...
Grændsen. It's two points to you.
Then I'll put that glass shard somewhere...
You'll have no idea.
Janne, you'll get three points, and I think you're lucky with that.
Martin, speaking of lucky.
You'll get four points for the PIN code,
and that's just because you need help.
Are you satisfied? Or dissatisfied? Are you going to kill me?
I just... I didn't want to say it in front of the others.
Here is a thousand. - Yes, all right.
I can get the rest later.
For four points.
And five points, of course, to Henrik!
Atle. If you were a vegetable, which one would you have been?
What kind of question is that?
Just a question to move forward in the programme.
Right, should I come up with a vegetable then?
You can choose.
Squash.
Interesting answer.
An aubergine.
"Give this aubergine an experience it won't forget."
"Most unforgettable experience wins."
Ok.
That's fun.
My first thought was stuffing it up my ass,
but I can't be bothered with that.
I don't even think I'd be able to do it.
My mind goes to romance, and my mind goes to mafia activities.
What a lucky aubergine.
The participants will give it an experience it won't forget.
And you, Atle, get to judge who gave the aubergine
the most unforgettable experience.
I think we'll just get started as soon as possible.
I want to see if Martin chose romance or mafia activities.
Then you'll get to see Martin, and I'll also add Harald.
I will make a drama where all these objects
are the aubergine's competitors.
That's a lot of competitors.
It often is when you are attractive.
Well, well, aubergine.
You didn't expect to see this mafia man, did you?
You probably have a question, aubergine-y?
How did I find you?
I'll take that.
Ahh. Oh, that's delicious.
Just the way I like it.
Here there are many beautiful little fruits and plants. [changed to a Bergen dialect]
All who are good in their own way.
You, aubergine, you are nice, but no.
I don't think you are nice enough.
That was the first act.
I prefer the banana over the others.
But I can't handle bananas.
We don't fit together.
Maybe you, little aubergine.
The two of us could have a good time together.
We can-
Oh no! I'm allergic to aubergine!
I need antihistamine.
Tell us where the money are!
Is.
Tell us where the money are!
Is.
Can't we get some small plants soon?
Can't we make a new offspring?
It turned out that the heather was sterile.
Okay, lemme get the big guns.
You didn't expect this, Mr Aubergine.
Let it roll!
Isn't it plugged in?
You have to plug it in.
Then there was a divorce and a lot of drama.
Everything was hopeless.
I can't handle this love.
There you are!
The aubergine!
The love from my youth.
How could I forget you?
Let it roll...
Now I feel pretty done.
I think he won't forget what he has experienced here.
Look!
We've got small, sweet aubergines.
Yes, now you have experienced love.
I think both were absolutely excellent.
Harald, I think you look embarrassed.
That's a first.
It's the best I've ever seen of you, Harald, and I have seen a lot of you!
It was embarrassing on so many levels, like the Bergen dialect.
That was good. You're good at dialects!
What I was trying to do was show that
we humans spend a lot of time on courtesy,
and getting to know each other.
But plants don't do that. They only use the bee.
They never get to know each other.
So I gave the aubergine a sense of what it's like to be a mammal.
I would never have understood that without your explanation.
But Martin, you mostly want to light things on fire,
and you managed that here too, luckily.
I lit a little thing on fire, yes.
Yes, you managed to throw in some flames there at the end.
I gave it an experience of feeling fear.
Which I feel a lot. It's quite intense and you won't forget it.
Shall we give you more to compare with?
Okay, that's fine.
It has been a life-long dream for me to be able to just fly away.
No!
Will it be more fun if it becomes a real person?
Like that.
Hello, hello, I'm a poor little aubergine. [Danish accent]
I have now got life, and that's something I've always dreamed of.
What kind of unforgettable experience would I most like to have?
I would like something with action and excitement,
like a movie. Like Mission Impossible.
Mr Aubergine as... hero. The day-
Pay attention, Olli.
The day he thought he had time off.
Oh fuck! I never have time off. Fuck my life!
He... sticks with it.
He doesn't get dizzy... ever.
He prepares to jump.
Everything's falling apart in the world,
but he stays cool, like ever.
And he... leaves- there, because he wanted to.
And finally, resting.
On his day off.
Then we are ready.
I will give it a good experience.
We have all dreamed of flying, so now...
Well, there they flew.
Ok. But we'll solve this.
I don't need the whole aubergine.
My reputation is not so good.
I'm not just a ladies man.
I'm more happy and deserve all the hundred points for this.
This is the best thing that has ever happened to me. Thank you.
It's not the whole aubergine, I admit.
But at least parts of it will get an experience.
Look, what an experience!
My god...
Imagine how much fun it's having.
Janne, I like that you get the aubergine to say that it wants five points.
The aubergine says itself that it's the best experience it has ever had.
It wasn't...
Talk to the aubergine. It wasn't me.
At one point, I actually thought it was the one that spoke.
And it's Danish.
But Janne, I will only give you one point for it.
I could have put more effort into it.
I didn't even get up from the chair.
And that's something I've noticed is quite consistent for your ideas.
They don't travel very far.
Henrik, you will get two points.
But still it was flying, and that's nice.
But there was something about Kristine's carousel that was slightly better,
because it was so chaotic. So three points to you.
Harald, your most embarrassing moment gets you four points.
I felt it when I saw the others, I wasn't that bad.
You weren't.
But that means... Martin! Five points!
Yes!
You suck! You suck! You suck! You suck!
That's five points. And this is the total score after two tasks.
He is leading after two tasks, as well!
That's too soon! That's too soon!
That may come back to bite you.
I'm sorry, Atle. I'm sorry.
We'll take a short break and be right back.
Now we're in a great mood here, Olli,
so just give us a new task.
I will, and this task involves a slide.
A slide?
Right. I assume you mean the one in the playground and not Janne Formoe?
['slide' can be euphemism for a 'loose woman']
Because we don't behave that way here.
You can't say that, Olli.
You cannot behave that way. Got it?
This is very #metoo.
Here you go. - Thank you.
Very cool.
"Slide as far as possible. You only have one try."
"The one who slides the furthest wins."
"You have 30 minutes. Your time starts now."
"Slide as far as possible."
Oh yes.
What is sliding?
Is there a playground nearby where we can go and slide?
Right, I have an idea.
I actually have an idea, Olli.
It's important to find a surface first that has sliding qualities.
Rubber against wet grass.
Me, swimming trunks, swimming goggles.
That should work.
Yes, this task shouldn't be difficult to understand.
Who should we start with?
I thought we could start with Janne.
That will be good.
Ok.
Three... two... one!
Can you measure from the end?
Measure from there?
Was it fun?
Yes, it actually was. Goodbye.
Yes, yes.
I think it's fun that you thought it was so fun.
But I'm not very tough in long things.
When you are five years old, you have grown out of this slide.
I thought I would get further.
That's why I started laughing.
I thought I would just keep going.
You thought you would keep sliding?
Yes, and then I laughed so hard because it was so short.
Isn't it also designed so that you stop sliding when you come out?
Yes, and it's also designed for three-year-olds.
Three-year-olds are shot out of it and start bouncing away. Sliding away.
But when you come in with more weight...
But this could still bring you far in the task. How far was it?
How far would you guess, Janne?
Half a metre?
No, we're measuring from the top.
It was 4.6 metres.
That much? I can still hope then.
Let's see how it turns out.
There are more left. I have now put together a collage of a 'poor man's water park'.
With Kristine, Henrik and Martin.
Then I need a hill and a tarpaulin.
I'll go and see if we have a tarpaulin.
I'll go with the tarpaulin.
I think there are some who won't think enough about the friction.
They'll pick up speed, and then it just stops.
It will be a kind of water park for poor people.
Then I'm ready.
Then all I have to do is get to the sliding hill.
Now I just need some water.
No! No!
NO!
Four minutes left.
I'm a little worried about whether it's going to be slippery enough.
Soap?
Yes.
There.
I actually have to take off my clothes.
I'm keeping the boxers on.
Can you just pour some soap on my butt?
It is important that it's slippery enough.
20 seconds left.
Then you start flushing. - Yes.
Yes!
Don't come and say that this won't be good! Oi, oi, oi!
Okay, then we're going.
One... two... three!
Satisfied?
Goddamnit.
Kristine... you said that someone would forget the friction.
Who is that someone you were thinking of?
Do you have a suggestion?
No, I have no suggestions.
It can't be any of the others.
I forgot that you need a hill to slide.
It was so flat that the bubble in a spirit level
level would've still been just inside the line.
I thought that the most important thing was for it to be very long,
since I would slide down the whole thing.
Even if it was just a little bit downwards,
it needed to be lonnng.
It wasn't very important to me.
Martin, you at least managed to find a hill.
I'm from a place where everything isn't a hill,
so I recognise a hill when I see one.
You also recognise an opportunity to gloat when you see one.
That's not very often.
Let him gloat, damnit.
It's not often I have the opportunity.
I'll let you talk, Martin.
Yes, I just...
I didn't always had an easy childhood.
Now we went a bit too far back.
We don't have time for that.
Let's see the distances. Kristine: 2.5 metres.
Before you started- You probably dragged your way to 10.
But that doesn't count.
Henrik: 8.83. - That's good.
And Martin is doing well today. 27.26 metres.
Oi, that much!
Now I hope that the guy who has the theory covered really convinces.
Out of the way! Here comes Harald!
Ok, Olli. Cycle as best you can.
Cycle.
Cycle downhill!
Yes!
We made it!
We made it.
Fantastic! Look at the elbow.
Yes.
Goodbye.
What?
Goodbye. - Goodbye.
I want to ask you, Harald:
Are sliding and gliding the same thing?
For eight programmes I have had this note in my pocket.
Finally.
And this is just to confirm my view?
I have investigated the relationship between 'glide' and 'slide'.
This is the amount of glide, and this is the amount of slide.
As you can see, they overlap a bit, but they are not the same.
You sick bastard.
To glide is to move frictionlessly and quietly.
While sliding is moving without using your own muscle force,
downwards, or on a slippery surface.
And that begs the question!
Didn't I do this, back and forth?
I did, but that was to keep the balance.
If you see-
Let me finish my reasoning!
If you see an old woman standing like this,
"Help!", and someone says, "Hey, she's sliding!" [slipping]
"No, she's not, since she's moving her feet like this."
You don't say that, Atle.
I would have approved this right away.
You didn't have to explain yourself. - I rest my case.
I just wanted you to say "no".
You did not have to explain.
But your cycling skills were not the best.
But Harald shouldn't have to suffer for that.
That's the most important thing to me.
It would have been much less problematic
to see him slide if you had cycled better.
Harald should not be blamed for that.
Then he gets 149.7 metres.
Yes, alright.
Then it's the first place.
Crushing victory.
One point to Kristine, two to Janne, three to Henrik,
four to Martin, and five to Harald.
We have more silly tasks, of course,
but first, here are some advertisements.
We'll be right back.
Olli, now I want to see a task where
analytical skills and clairvoyance
work as equal solutions.
Yes, you are thinking of the task that involves a locked suitcase?
Let's take a look at that.
Here is a steel suitcase.
"What's in the suitcase? Fastest correct guess wins."
"Your time starts now."
But I can just open it then.
It's locked.
And this is the suitcase?
Right, it's locked.
Would you look at that.
The task is simply about finding out what is in the suitcase.
As a little help, there is a rebus race that leads the participants to the key.
But you don't have to solve the puzzle to end up with the correct answer.
That's right. And you also don't have to end up with the correct
answer even if you solve the puzzle, it appears. For someone.
Let's take a look at Kristine, Janne and that someone, i.e. Henrik.
And their path to the solution.
"Fastest correct guess."
So this is just about guessing correctly.
Oi, there's something here.
"Once upon a time, there were five participants"
"who wished to win King Atle's favour."
"Seven times cheer them on!"
Wait a minute.
There's a code lock on it.
One times five... is five.
Seven times five. Five times seven?
One, five, seven.
The code for this is one, five, seven.
Then I'll try to open it.
One... five... seven.
"Seven times cheer them on."
I recognise the form.
Once upon a time. And it's always odd numbers.
This is some fairytale stuff.
Oh, it's a rebus puzzle.
That's quite fun.
"Bord" [table] minus "rd", so "bo".
"Do" [toilet] minus "o". Boden! [the shed]
"Bod" [shed]...
"en" [one].
That's not anything.
I see an apple plus a tree.
This wasn't easy.
Apple tree.
Apple tree, seven.
There!
"Pose" [bag] minus "e", "te" [tea] minus "e".
Post. Box. [mailbox]
No, there are apple trees...
Fuck, there are so many apples!
Apple tree, seven.
Should I take seven apples then?
Maybe that's what's inside the suitcase.
An apple tree?
Now you have seven apples.
So there are seven apples in the suitcase. Maybe.
But why these numbers?
I don't understand anything!
Seven times five.
You're not bothering with the apples anymore?
"Kokosnøtt" [coconut] minus "kosnøtt". "Ko".
"Tornado" minus "nado". Kontoret [the office].
"Kokos".
"Kos".
"Kosn".
"Kos...tor".
"ET".
"Kokosnøtt" minus "kosnøtt". "Ko". Agree?
"Nøtt" minus "øtt". "N".
What do you get then?
I don't know.
"Kon"... "tor".
"Kontor"! [office]
"Kon..."
"Kontoret". [the office]
The office.
Oi!
Who are you?
Oh!
One, five, seven.
An arrow.
Oh, for fuck's sake!
How didn't I understand that?
I think it's a glass of red wine.
A wine glass that has contained... red wine.
And then there are some numbers attached here.
751.
A hint.
It's not a hint, it's a number.
"One, five, seven", it says here.
Here it says, "seven, five, one".
So in here are... the numbers, seven, five, one.
I have to ask you, Henrik:
Have you heard of this thing called rebus before?
For eight programmes, I have been waiting to bring...
Then I'm very excited to see what the note says.
And it says: "Idiot."
I'm an easily stressed guy,
and I thought I was being tricked.
I don't know what was going on there.
It was actually quite straightforward.
It was just about solving the task.
Not just that.
It wasn't just me who struggled, but I'm in the driver's seat.
I'm the biggest idiot, but there are more of us.
Yes, you are in good company.
Do you want times?
Let's see. Henrik spent...
We wandered around for a long time.
29 minutes and 34 seconds, and guessed wrong.
Janne, you spent 10 minutes and 52 seconds, with the correct answer.
Kristine leads so far with 9 minutes and 30 seconds,
also with the correct answer.
But we are missing two.
Yes, we also need to see Harald and Martin.
What's in the suitcase?
I'm not allowed to open it? Yes, I am.
What does the letter say?
"Guess". It doesn't say anything about opening it.
I'll see if I can find any tools.
No.
Shouldn't you hold it like that?
And then that will fall out.
But it doesn't.
What?
Why are you like this?
No, wrong way.
Okay, then we're doing it.
It's an empty glass of wine.
I'm guessing, based on what I see, observe and taste,
that there was a glass of red wine in the suitcase.
Thank you.
I would've thought you'd rather want to solve the puzzle.
It surprised me that you went straight to smashing.
Finally you got out some locked-up aggression.
I didn't even think you had any.
Suddenly so brutal.
It was so fun to watch you guys do the rebus.
Fun to watch, I say.
You feel that you've missed out on something now, right?
"Why didn't I do the rebus puzzle?"
You feel like what you did is kind of cheating?
Yes, in many ways I do.
You started the show by saying "I will always observe everything",
but after eight programmes, you're just going at it on a suitcase.
He has been inspired. But what were the times?
Both got the correct answer.
Martin spent quite a long time,
and comes behind Kristine with 9:36.
Really?
Because you dropped everything into the suitcase.
Harald only spent 1 minute and 30 seconds.
Five points.
Then the total scores so far are like this.
Look at Martin in the lead!
You're in the lead before the last task!
Now you have the chance to go all the way!
Fantastic! This is a fairytale like no other.
We have one task left, and it will be
solved right here on the stage. Let's go.
Welcome to the last task.
And welcome to the participants.
Let's see who will win.
I have chosen to call this task "Atle, guess who makes the sound".
Now you will, one-by-one, get up on that mark
and make a sound in a given category.
If Atle guesses correctly who makes the sound,
then you are out, and have to sit down on that bench.
If he guesses incorrectly, you are on to the next round.
And so we continue until we only have one left. The winner.
The first category you need to make a sound in is... a monster sound.
And the first participant is:
Right, Atle, who can this be?
Martin.
Alright.
The next participant is:
Harald.
Alright.
The next is:
Henrik.
Then the next one to try to do a monster sound is:
That has to be Janne.
I see.
I'm sorry, that was Janne.
Alright.
Round two.
This time you must do it for at least three seconds.
Beatbox.
We start with this person:
Martin.
The next participant:
Martin.
The next participant:
Harald.
Kristine.
Then it so happens that we only have one person left,
and that is the winner of this task: Henrik.
Congratulations!
In two rounds.
Then we'll do the summary down here.
We can jump straight to the results.
Everyone saw how it went.
One person came last. That's Janne with one point.
Three people share the second place, and get four points:
Martin, Kristine and Harald.
And then it's Henrik who gets five points.
Then the scores are like this.
Who has won today's programme?
It's Martin!
Martin won today's programme!
Come up and help yourself.
Here are prizes such as a glass shard and Henrik's daughter.
Amazingly well done!
Join us next week, with new tasks to be solved,
pride to be challenged, and new points to be awarded.
So far after eight programmes, the total scores are like this:
Yes. See you!
Original Norwegian subtitles: Jan T. Sørsvann (Iyuno-SDI Group)
English translation by: u/msbtvqx
Final pedantic edits by: u/taskmastermaster