Right, let's go! Argh!
Can you tape this to my head, please? Argh...
Cool plus cool.
That was quite pathetic, don't you think?
HE LAUGHS
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Hello, and welcome to Junior Taskmaster.
My name is Rose Matafeo. Some of you might recognise me
from that other Taskmaster show. Boring!
Some of you may be more familiar
with my 30-year-long career as a professional golfer.
But most of you probably know me as a compulsive liar.
Now, over the series, 25 children will be battling it out
through five heats and two semis
in the hope of reaching the grand final
and winning the thing that every child dreams of, this right here.
AUDIENCE: Ooh! Yes.
No, it is not the head of "Weird Al" Yankovic.
Tonight's winner will be taking home
all of the prize tasks you see this evening.
However, the contestants who come first and second
will both win an illustrious spot in the semi-finals.
Right let's meet tonight's contestants.
Please welcome Cyra...
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Right. Now, a lot of people told me I was making a big mistake
when I decided to hire this man, right? "He's a weird guy," they said.
"What's he hiding behind that moustache?" they scream.
"I once saw him walk past a mirror
"and he didn't have a reflection," they garbled.
Well, all I can say is this. He was available
and he was very cheap. It's Mike Wozniak.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Thank you, Rose. Ultimately, this is a show
about the dangers of playing with matches.
In 2009, David Reynolds of Southampton earned
a Guinness World Record for making a model North Sea oil rig
using 14 million matches. It took him 15 years,
during which he could have qualified as an optometrist five times.
So, don't play with matches, kids.
It's not just your time you're wasting,
it's that of people waiting for eye tests, potentially.
LAUGHTER
To reiterate, he was available and very cheap, yeah?
OK, I think it's time for Mike to reveal tonight's prize task.
This week, our contestants have been asked to bring in
the most glamorous object ever.
Rose will give five points to the most glamorous object ever
and, at the end of this episode, the overall winner will have
five extraordinarily glamorous objects to take home with them.
But let's see what our contestants have got for us.
All right, Cyra, I would love to start with you. How are you doing?
I'm doing fine, thank you. I want you to tell me
all about the most glamorous object ever that you've brought in tonight.
OK, so, the most glamorous object ever
that I've brought in tonight is silk napkins.
Very good. Ooh, the height of luxury.
First of all, normal people would just, like, get tissue
or whatever's close to them to wipe their mouth.
But people who can afford napkins,
like these reusable silk napkins, must be really rich.
Is rich the same as being glamorous?
I mean, if you're having fancy dinner parties with those,
and origami swans on plates, then, yes.
Yeah. I like that. All righty, Gwen, what have you brought in
for your prize task this evening?
Right, brace yourselves. A bejewelled toilet seat.
AUDIENCE: Ooh!
Glamorous? Yeah!
Would you say comfortable? Er...
Hey, hey! I see people wearing high heels.
They don't look comfortable, but they're glamorous.
People have to suffer for glamour. Oh!
How do you clean that, Gwen?
Well, I would advise some very glamorous wet wipes.
Silk napkins or...?
LAUGHTER
OK, lovely stuff, Gwen. Thank you so much.
All righty, welcome to the show, Maisie. How are you?
Quite well. I would love to know
what glamorous object you've brought in for us tonight.
I brought in a gemstone.
OK. Why are you so into gemstones, Maisie?
No idea, but I think... LAUGHTER
..but I think it's got something to do with the fact
that they are glamorous. I bought it in a Liverpool shop for £5.
Do you get it? LAUGHTER
Do you think it might have any magic in it?
Are you into that kind of thing at all? Mm.
Yeah, um, I have a coven that I started.
LAUGHTER
Does that make you like a witch or a warlock or something?
Yeah. What?!
LAUGHTER How many people are in the coven?
Four, not including myself.
Do you do good in the coven, or are you...? It depends.
LAUGHTER
OK, we'll keep an eye on you, Maisie, throughout the show.
Now, Ollie, how you doing? Good.
What is your most glamorous object you've brought in?
I was thinking that a top hat is very glamorous.
Oh, yes. I tried to make it even more glamorous.
How so? Stick some gems on it.
LAUGHTER
Oh, whoa! APPLAUSE
Well, Hobbycraft are making a real mint this week
with the, er...with all of the gems flying out the door.
Would you wear this out yourself, Ollie? No.
Why not? Mike, you could really rock that.
I think I could pull that off. You're a drummer aren't you, Ollie?
Yeah. Would you consider wearing that in a gig?
Probably a singer would. It's a very Slash look, actually.
It is quite, yeah. Yeah, if I put that on,
I'd look like Slash, unfortunately.
That is pretty glamorous. All right, Zac, welcome to the show.
What glamorous object are you bringing to the table?
I have brought in golden Gregg sausage rolls.
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
Wow!
OK. Zac, you're going to have to talk me through this one.
OK. Since Greggs is, like, the fanciest British food chain...
LAUGHTER
Is that right? Would you guys agree with that?
Greggs is the fanciest British food chain? No.
Yeah, especially their doughnuts. Their doughnuts... No.
I don't even think it's a food chain.
But as you can see it has a top hat, cos top hats are fancy.
It's been proven by Ollie.
Ah, well. And it has googly eyes, cos nothing is better.
That's the only thing you missed.
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
Fair enough.
OK, I'm going to go with one point for Maisie for the gemstone,
Cyra, two points for the silk napkins.
I know there was technically more gemstones on it,
but, Ollie, I'm going to give you three points.
But because I love the juxtaposition of a toilet seat
and jewels, it's four points to Gwen.
But it's gotta be the millionaire's buffet there.
I've got to... Yeah, it's five points to Zac, five points to Zac.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
OK, it is time for the first task of the night.
Or as they like to say in France,
le task premier au comedy bonsoir.
Task? Task. Task. So, lots of people assume
middle-aged men like me are unable to nurture friendships
and don't have any proper chums. So, just to prove them wrong,
I got my mate Mark involved with this next coffee-based task,
so those people can just froth off!
LAUGHTER
Hi. Hello, Zac.
Hello, Mike. Hello, Maisie, how are you? Good, thanks.
Hello. Hello, Ollie. Raring to go?
Yeah. Full of beans? Yeah.
Shall we do it? Yeah.
Hello, Colonel Wozniak. Hello, Gwen.
I like this Colonel Wozniak thing.
What makes you think of me as a colonel?
Because colonels have moustaches.
OK. And because of my gravitas, perhaps, as well?
No. Oh.
Hello, Cyra. Oh! What do you make of all this?
It's... I don't like coffee.
May I read the task? Certainly.
"Safely deliver Mike's mate Mark a medium mocha."
"You cannot walk on the grass."
"The fullest delivered cup wins."
"You have 15 minutes. Your time starts now."
Right, so, I'm thinking that guy over there's Mark.
That's Mark all right. Some people say
he's something of a snappy dresser.
Hmm, agree to disagree.
What's a medium "moh-ka?
Well, it's in between a small "moh-ka" and a large "moh-ka".
But what's a "moh-ka"? A mocha is a type of coffee.
How do I make it? All the information's in the task.
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
Ah!
So, er, none of you...none of you done any part-time work
at a cafe, eh? No. I've done window cleaning.
Have you? And cleaning mirrors.
Really? Yeah, I'm really good.
I've made, like, some pretty good money off it.
Oh! Gwen, yes? I guess you could say my home is like a cafe.
I'm always making tea for my parents, always.
Really? OK, how do they take their tea? Medium brew.
Is this paid work? Are you getting anything back for this?
Sadly, no. It's child labour. LAUGHTER
I'm ready for a caffeine hit, Mike. Who have we got?
OK, first up, we have Gwen and Maisie.
Made a mocha before? No.
Why does Mark want a coffee? Does he just want a coffee?
He didn't get much sleep last night. He's had quite an intense life.
OK. Not gonna ask.
Oh! Oh, ah, there we go.
Is it optional to bring one of those to Mark?
All the information's in the task.
I hate the way you keep saying that.
Is that what you've been paid to do?
LAUGHTER
Right. And can I have a look in the shed, please?
Going to need this and this, just in case.
It says I can't walk on the grass.
Does not say I cannot walk on rolls of paper over the grass.
I'm making a path, so I don't have to walk on the grass.
Wait a minute.
Does not say I can't hop on the grass.
Ha, ha, ha. How's it going?
I've just spilt cold coffee all over my hand.
Cold coffee? Oh, poor Mark.
What does he expect? Ah.
Hey, it's a mocha. You never said it had to be hot.
OK, do I have to get back?
It's up to you. You've got seven minutes left. Ooh, OK!
Ow! Oh! You cannot walk on the grass. No.
Can I run on the grass? Ha-ha!
Whee! Is that running, is it?
Yes, it's running. Woo-hoo!
Woo-hoo!
WHISTLE BLOWS There you go, Mark.
WHISTLE BLOWS
Are you going to leave him the biscuit?
I've left him that biscuit and I'm going to eat this one.
Could you get me a biscuit? Do you want a biscuit?
I'd just like to be offered a biscuit.
I'll offer you a biscuit then. Just...
You're hopping all the way back?
Would you like a biscuit, Mike? No, thank you.
LAUGHTER
APPLAUSE
Maisie, you really looked like you enjoyed that biscuit.
Yeah, it was a good biscuit.
Did you just come on Junior Taskmaster for the free food?
I prefer not to be asked that question.
Both had very similar ideas at the beginning, right?
You were straight to the shed, straight with the wrapping paper.
Gwen, it didn't work out for you, though, did it? No.
How quickly did you give up on that one?
After they blew away in the wind. Yeah, not great.
Well, Gwen was the only person, I think,
to make eye contact with Mark and give him a smile,
so, service-wise... But equally, she did also smash
a glass cafetiere on his right foot.
So, it's very much swings and roundabouts.
And there's the whole debate over the hop versus...
Was that a...was that a mini walk? Was that a tiny hop that we saw?
I would say it was a mini hop. You said, "Walk on the grass."
Some people might argue that I was standing still on the grass.
Some people might argue that I was mini-hopping.
Well, a very compelling tone of voice.
I don't know if any of it made sense. LAUGHTER
Yeah, but you've got to be careful when negotiating these points
with a member of a coven, haven't you, a bit?
Yeah. Yeah, Rose.
Ah. Did you say, "Yeah, Rose?" Oh, wow!
Yeah. I'm getting the stare down as well.
Yeah. OK.
Um, I think it is time for a break. We're going to have a break.
And as part of your Junior Taskmaster subscription, each week,
we include a hand-picked selection box
of artisanal organic gourmet advertisements
for your viewing pleasure. So, enjoy.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Welcome back to Junior Taskmaster.
Michael, I would like to see more children taking mochas
to Mark immediately, please. Here you are.
I want to know what this does. Mm-hmm.
Oh, no don't do that.
Oh, recipes. Espresso, hot chocolate and frothy milk.
So, what's a mocha?
Probably coffee, I'm assuming. Oh, that's looks nice.
I think that's cocoa.
I'm pretty sure it's edible, though. That's the main thing.
Well, you don't want to poison Mark, do you?
Oh, gosh, this isn't working, is it? It's leaking everywhere.
Would you serve that in a cafe? Yeah.
OK. I mean, I would drink it.
Where do I have to deliver it to? To my mate Mark.
Is that Mark? Course that's Mark.
He looks like he needs a coffee. Yeah.
Let's go to the shed.
He doesn't look like a good man. Maybe a criminal.
That's my best friend Mark you're talking about.
I'm getting these bricks. What are you going to do with them?
Make little platforms.
I'm just going to use this and this.
I'm using them as stepping stones.
Ah!
Did I ever tell you the story of how Mark and I met? How?
We were both backing dancers for Shakira's 2009 She Wolf tour.
Shakira? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So, basically, he and I were working together
on a sort of haddock trawler ship. Yeah.
I was the bosun, and he was just a figurehead back then.
He saved my life. Did he?
Yeah. A mer-monkey tried to drag me under. Did it?
I got snagged on his left elbow.
Stopped me from drowning.
Long story short, he saved my life in Vegas. Oh.
I'm not sure I can tell you until you're 18. Oh.
You've got 38 seconds left. Oh, God!
Just look at the eyes. It makes him look desperate.
Desperate. Sad. Sad. He has no-one to love him.
He's got me. Here you are, Mark.
Is it go time? It's time.
AUDIENCE GROAN
There you go.
WHISTLE BLOWS Thanks, Zac.Thanks.
APPLAUSE Wow!
Bold as brass, Zac. How does it feel?
I'm pretty sure my IQ just dropped.
And the drink that you got to Mark in the end looked
a tiny bit more appetising, as opposed to what Cyra put together.
You said in there you would drink it yourself.
Looking back...I think no.
Not at all, no. Put off by the mocha.
You were kind of really laying into Mark there.
Yeah. Sad, desperate eyes.
Can you read a lot from a person's eyes?
But what can you read from... from my eyes?
Not much. Not much going on.
Not in your life. No. That's actually quite a good skill.
LAUGHTER
Er, all righty. From my calculations, we've got one person to see now,
and it is Ollie, and I'm excited.
As you should be, Rose. Let's take a look at this. Mm-hmm.
Big coffee guy? No.
Espresso, hot chocolate and frothy milk.
How much sugar do you want?
Shed.
Got a lot of roll here, some roll there.
I got so much roll!
HE GRUNTS
Argh!
Argh! Bit windy, isn't it? Yes!
Stay on there. Stay there.
Oh, no, I forgot the mocha. No!
Argh... Oh! Back to the shed.
Going to pop this on there. Yeah.
Oh!
I guess not.
There.
There. Ooh! HE GRUNTS
Oh...
Crunch time, probably, Last 30 seconds or so, Ollie.
BUZZING
Oh.
REPEATED BUZZING
BUZZING
Interesting.
Here you go. WHISTLE BLOWS
APPLAUSE
Thanks, Ollie.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Man, I have to say that was some of the most stressful television
I have ever watched, Ollie.
I...think that I...did well, and didn't.
How was it to watch, Mike?
Well, he... I think he came up with roughly 8,000 different ideas.
LAUGHTER Half of them didn't work.
What were you doing, Maisie? You had a great idea there?
No, I was just breathing deeply
cos I was stressed by what just happened.
Honestly, a stressful watch for every one of you for that. Mm-hmm.
This task is all about the fullest cup, isn't it, Mike?
Yes, yes, and Mark did get five mochas.
Zac managed 80 mils, Maisie 110,
Ollie got 150 mils in the end, Cyra 160,
Gwen, just ten mils shy of the maximum, with 227 millilitres.
Ah. APPLAUSE
Fantastic!
Right, points-wise... Yeah, points-wise.
I mean, it's up to you how you deal with the grass-based infractions.
The grass-based infractions, right.
Well, I know Zac and Ollie, there was very clear infringement.
You were on the grass, so you both get one point for that.
Three points for Maisie, cos I don't want you to hex me.
Er...Cyra, I'm going to give you four points.
But, obviously, Gwen I'm going to give you the full five points
for that task. Well done. OK.
All righty, I want to see how that all affected the scoreboard.
Okey-dokey. Well, it is tight. At the back of the pack,
we've got Ollie and Maisie, both on four,
then Zac and Cyra, both on six.
In the lead, currently, is Gwen with nine points.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
OK. Mike, what weird and wonderful place are you taking us next?
Bessie Coleman, Patty Wagstaff, Eilmer of Malmesbury.
All examples of...?
Aviation pioneers, thank you, children.
But their time has been and gone.
Now is the time for these five contestants to show us
who is the new conqueror of the skies.
Hello, Zac. Hi.
Ollie. Hello.
Hello, Gwen. Hello.
Cyra. Hello.
Hello, Maisie. Hello. How are you?
Good thanks. Why...why all the yellow...hmm, hmm, hmm?
LAUGHTER
Intriguing. Yeah?
Let's get straight to business.
Make a paper aeroplane out of one of these things.
You must use the paper you touch first.
You may not cut or tear the piece of paper.
Your paper aeroplane must look like a paper aeroplane.
Once your paper aeroplane is complete...
You have one attempt to launch it from the departure window.
Furthest flight wins. You have ten minutes.
The time starts now.
It says that I must use the piece of paper I touch first.
So, that's the one, is it?
Oh!
APPLAUSE
Oh, wow! The old toilet roll hole in the piece of paper trick, eh?
I've never heard of that trick. Come on, it's a classic!
Er, yeah, have I got this right? Mm-hmm.
It's all about making a paper aeroplane.
First piece of paper you touch. Mm-hmm.
And that's the thing you need to make it out of.
I would love to see how everyone got on with this.
I'll show you. Here we go.
What's going on in that head of yours?
I've already touched it, so...
You've gone for it. You've made the choice.
This is the paper I touched first. Is that a mistake?
All the information's in the task.
You must use the paper you touch first. Well, that's annoying.
Yes, I am using the tiny one.
I have no idea how to make a paper aeroplane.
Oh, no!
Oh...great!
Got a circular hole cut in it. Is that useful or not useful?
It actually could be useful.
What are you thinking?
I think this is going to be a very bad paper aeroplane.
How's it going? Terribly. Mm-hmm. If you didn't notice.
Are you good at making paper aeroplanes?
No. I always seem to do the wings wrong.
Are the wings important?
Without wings, would a plane fly? Would a bird fly?
What do you think? No.
That's bad.
It's very much modelled on the stealth fighter, is it, Gwen?
Sure. Yeah?
Done? Yeah. Happy? No, I'm not happy.
I think it's done. Actually, no, not yet.
What does it need? Nothing. I just...
I just thought it was a bit too quick to say it's done. OK.
Got my paper aeroplane.
Let's go yeet it from the window.
To the departure window. Let's go!
I hate this door.
APPLAUSE
Nice!
Now, Cyra, you seemed a little disappointed at the start,
where you were, like, "Oh, no, it's the first piece of paper I touched,"
but now are you kind of thinking maybe it was kind of a good idea?
Yeah. Yeah. How do you feel watching that back now?
Um...smart.
And so you should. And so you should.
Zac, at one point, "Let's go yeet it from the window." Yeah!
I would love it if that's how pilots spoke.
Let's yeet this plane into 33,000 feet.
I mean, you guys did well,
you know, using a piece of paper with a hole in it.
I'd say they seemed despondent at times.
But, Maisie, what does it say on your shirt tonight?
It says, "We can do anything." There we go.
Including making a paper aeroplane with a holey piece of paper right?
Um... It depends on if you watch the next clip or not.
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
Ooh, I'll tell you what I fancy.
A lovely little advert break.
There's nothing quite like it. See you soon.
APPLAUSE
Welcome back to Junior Taskmaster, the show where everything's made up
but the points don't matter.
Sorry, actually, that's wrong. That is a different show.
In this show, everything is meticulously planned
and the points matter a heck of a lot.
Speaking of meticulous planning,
can we see how these paper aeroplanes went down?
Or up, maybe. Er, no, down. Straight down.
Er, here we go.
Ollie, are you ready? Yes.
Zac? Yes.
Cyra? Yeah?
Have you secured the buffet trolley? Yeah.
Gwen, checked the oil and water? Yeah.
Maisie. I like your lightsaber toys.
Thank you. You look very fetching in your jacket.
I really appreciate that, Maisie. It means a lot to me.
Prepare for launch. On my mark.
Three...
two...
one.
Chocks away!
APPLAUSE
It's right there.
It's not even moved past the stones or the shed!
Oh, no! Argh...
Oh.
Whee!
Oh.
Thanks, Gwen. You're welcome. Bye. Bye.
APPLAUSE
Ollie, I mean, I've got to say, that face of absolute despair.
And you know what as well? Ollie, I don't think you did
as terribly as you probably felt in that moment.
After watching that back, what do you feel now?
I would have probably chose the small one.
Ah, you would've chosen a different piece of paper. Yeah.
Very varied results. I think it was a bit of overkill
to dress as a, er, air traffic controller there, Mike, but...
Well, you get an outfit for your birthday
and you find it hard to work out when you can deploy it,
and it was my time. Who got that for you for your...?
No, I won't go into that.
Now, Gwen, how do you feel watching that back?
It was, er... You did a good throw there.
It was traumatising.
It got out the window, that's all can say.
Everyone got out of the window. Yes.
And that is, saying.... Nothing flew back in. No.
I only have one thing. Uh-huh. Go on.
The task did not look like paper when we were doing it. It was card.
OK. OK, interesting.
So, since you said... Since in the task it said,
"the first piece of paper..." Mm.
..technically, since the task is card, that wouldn't count.
Yes, but also, technically,
a holey piece of paper wouldn't count either, so...
Does it, though? Er, I can't believe I'm arguing with a child right now.
All right, so, this is the question on everyone's lips.
How far did those planes go, Mike? I do have the measurements here.
So, I'm afraid languishing at the bottom was Gwen
with her micro plane, which went 82.5 centimetres.
Cyra made two metres and 43 centimetres,
Zac, three metres, 52 centimetres,
Maisie, a whopping four metres and 27 centimetres,
and Ollie, despite being very down on himself,
six metres and 31 centimetres. What?!
APPLAUSE
Oh! OK, so, one point to Gwen for the micro plane,
two points to Cyra, three points to Zac,
four points to Maisie, but the full five points goes to Ollie.
APPLAUSE Even made that face of despair.
Oh, wow! You know, can I tell you what I'm in the mood for, Mike?
I would be honoured if you did. Oh, another task, thanks.
Well, the next task involves
arguably humanity's greatest invention
and presumably the object which inspired the wheel.
I mean, of course, the humble digestive biscuit.
Oh, it's this one.
Hello. Hello, Cyra.
Hello, Ollie.
Hello, Gwen. Hello. How are you?
I'm good thank you. How are you? I'm very well, thank you.
Hello, Maisie. Hello, Mike.
Hello, Zac. Hi. Take a seat.
Would you like to do a bit of small talk before we kick off,
or do you just want to crack on with the task?
I'd like to just get on with the task.
I'm going to take the task. OK.
I can't open it. Oh. Do I just peel the seal?
I think it's all about brute strength at this stage, Gwen.
"Get the most digestive biscuits through a sieve."
"You have two minutes to plan."
"And six minutes to complete the task."
"Your time starts now."
Crush the biscuits.
What's your plan? I feel like crumbling it. OK.
I guess I'll just crush it, I'm assuming.
I could take them outside and drop a rock on them.
They're all digestives. OK.
This is going to take forever, isn't it? It might do.
APPLAUSE
None of you seemed to want to make small talk with Mike.
Why is that? Who can blame us?
Harsh, Mike. They're rather suspicious of you, aren't they?
I know, that's withering stuff, isn't it?
A, er, a rock. Yeah. Talk us through that, Zac. What you thinking?
Well, the first thing that came into my head was, like, pressure,
so just drop thing on thing. Mm-hmm.
Weaker thing go boom. Ah. OK.
Are there other problems that can be solved
by dropping a rock on them? Er, yeah. Enemies.
I think, at the very end, Maisie did say,
"This is going to take forever, isn't it?"
I would love to see if it did, Mike. Well, let's find out. Mm-hmm.
Here is Cyra, and here is Maisie.
How many do you think there are? About 127.
And how many are you going to try and get through, do you think? 27.
Oh, my God. These are harder to crush than I thought. Oh, gosh!
What's your target? What are you aiming for?
Two. Two? I don't know. Is that a lot?
The vaulting ambition of youth.
How many do you think you've crushed through so far?
Less than one.
Oh, I do like digestives. Mm-hmm.
Is that your favourite kind of biscuit? I don't think...
they're dead.
That's quite sinister. Well, let's just say, if you eat it, it's dead.
Right, OK.
You know what? I'm going to try a different...
Crushing several biscuits with my fist at the same time.
I do do a martial arts class, so... Do you?
Yes. What do you do? Jujitsu. It's Japanese.
How far could you throw me, do you think?
Hmm...30, 40 centimetres. OK, that's quite good, I think.
Nine seconds left.
Oh, gosh, it's all spilling out the sieve.
This is part of the sieve. Can I just do that?
Get it through the sieve.
WHISTLE BLOWS Thank you, Maisie.
Do you know where I can wash my hands?
I do, yes. Yes, OK.
There's a lot of biscuits that are not quite dead yet.
A haunting idea to finish with.
Did any of the biscuits scream on the way through?
Yeah, I guess.
LAUGHTER
APPLAUSE
You kept your expectations low, both of you.
Cyra, you only wanted to get two biscuits through there.
Right at the end, you had a different idea.
Well, I was noticing that they were all falling out of the sieve,
which was just annoying me,
but I was, like, well, you can't even tell what fell out.
And then, it tipped through the little bit in the handle
and I was, like, "Oh, actually, that's still through the sieve."
It was a beautiful little idea, but there was just simply no time.
So, no, time. You kept referring to the biscuits being dead. Mm.
Um, well, if you are still in one piece, then I guess you're alive.
Ah, right. So, a biscuit in one piece is an alive biscuit.
That's terrifying. Enough.
Either way, the biscuits, as far as you were concerned,
were dead. Very philosophical, Cyra.
Maisie, I understand that you're
something of a philosopher as well, aren't you?
Er, yeah. So, in our gym,
there's this overlord being called, say, Bob. Mm-hmm.
Can Bob create a stone that he can't lift?
If he can create the stone and he can't lift it,
that's something Bob can't do. If he can't create the stone,
then that's another thing he can't do.
Um... So, it's impossible for people to actually be able to do anything.
Oh, so, that's a sarcastic T-shirt!
LAUGHTER
And you've just been hit with a god paradox from a witch.
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
Who's next? OK, well, here are Zac and Ollie. Hmm.
We could go to the shed. Yeah.
Nee-ya!
What's that? A hammer. Possibly a steak tenderiser?
Yeah, it looks like a tenderiser. Yeah?
Ooh. This could work. Yeah.
It's a blender. A blender. We're blending, are we?
Shall I operate it, so you don't chop your hands off? Yes.
Can you carry this for me? Certainly. Thanks.
Right, where do you want this, Zac? There.
OK, tell me what you're doing. Going to break these biscuits.
Put as many digestives as you can in there. Yeah.
BLENDER WHIRRS
A few more digestives, put in there. OK.
So, you're tenderising the biscuits. Yeah, into powder.
Yeah!
And put those in there.
Ten seconds left.
Yeah, put that in there.
WHISTLE BLOWS I stopped.Thank you, Ollie.
WHISTLE BLOWS Thank you, Zac.OK.
Shall I, er, tidy that up?
If you want to. Bye.
Bye. Bye.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Wow!
OK, very similar ideas, but different execution.
Why immediately the shed for both of you?
Well, probably cos it has useful tools.
I was looking more for, like, a sledgehammer or... Right.
..chainsaw. It's strange that they aren't stocked, isn't it,
on Junior Taskmaster?
Might think about that for next time. Thank you.
Ollie, the blender did work. I think making a dry smoothie
out of digestives, I think that would be a nightmare, to be honest.
It could be hard to...digest. Absolutely!
Even though it's called a digestive. That's a very good point.
The anti-digestive drink.
I think you both did very well there. I'm excited to see the results.
But it is time for a short break now. Hmm. Ooh.
Wait. What are you doing? What are you doing?
Just, er, having a little bit of me time. OK.
We'll be right back. Wow!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
APPLAUSE
Welcome back to the final part of the show.
We're nearly there, so behave, all right? I said behave!
Leave your little sister alone or, so help me, I'll turn this show around
and drive us right back to the start! Where did we leave off, Mike?
Er, well, we've got one person left... Oh.
..to see on this task, and it is Gwen. Mm.
Right, so, the obvious choice is to mush up the biscuits.
"Get the most digestive biscuits through the sieve."
Can I go to the shed? Certainly.
So, what are we hoping to find in the shed, Gwen?
I think I'm going to need this and this.
Elastic bands and scissors. Yes. Hmm, that's interesting.
OK, what's your plan, Gwen? My plan? Yes.
We don't need these elastic bands. Oh.
I am going to label this "sieve" and push the biscuits through it.
Creating a new sieve.
How many biscuits do you reckon you could get?
Two stacks, maybe.
I'm not competitive in sport, but maybe in other things.
I like to find loopholes.
Biscuit after biscuit after biscuit... Ooh.
WHISTLE BLOWS Ooh.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Thank you, Gwen. Cheerio. Bye. Bye.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Ah, very, very clever!
Now, I could be very mean. I mean, it's hard to decide
whether or not this is just ingenuity
or a very cowardly loophole. It didn't necessarily say
it couldn't be a plastic bag labelled "sieve".
Oh, so, that... It just said "a sieve".
It could be that plastic bag's name is Sieve. Yeah!
It could've been a man called Andrew Sieve, for example.
Yeah. It doesn't have a birth certificate, but I call it Sieve.
That's quite a strong argument. It is quite a strong argument.
If you label something something else, it's not that thing.
She labelled a piece of tape "sieve",
and put it through an elastic band wrapper thing.
That's not a sieve. That's an elastic band wrapper thing.
I would argue that the tape that she actually wrote it on
would be the sieve, and she didn't put it through the tape. Yeah.
OK. Now, we're getting into semantics now.
This is just getting... Honestly... THEY TALK OVER EACH OTHER
No, you guys, honestly, you sound like Reddit,
um, so I'm not going to get into that.
I would love to just hear from Mike
how many biscuits they did all get through the sieve.
OK, calculated by weight, Maisie got 0.44 biscuits.
AUDIENCE: Aw. Cyra got 4.44. Yeah.
Ollie managed 5.5, Zac, 8.3... Mm-hmm.
..Gwen a fairly whopping 85 biscuits.
Right, OK.
All right... APPLAUSE
Well...what am I going to do?
Am I going to be evil? Am I going to be nice?
Your hair looks amazing! Ah, no! OK, fine, fine, fine.
One point for Maisie. It's two points for Cyra. Ollie, three points.
Four points for Zac. It's five points for Gwen.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE She takes the biscuit.
OK, what has that done to the rankings there, Mike?
It's made it devilish close. Mm-hmm.
We've got Maisie on nine, Cyra on ten,
Ollie on 12, Zac on 13, and Gwen on 15 points.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
OK, I want you group of absolute scallywags to make your way
over to the stage for the final task of the show. Woo!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Ah, hello!
Hi, Mike. Hi.
Who will be reading the task tonight?
Gwen, please. Oh, yeah, if I can open it.
Do you want a hand? Yes, please. OK.
Here we go. Sorry.
Right.
Here we go, Gwen.
"Write the names of all of your colours in different colours.
"You must not write the name of a colour in that colour
"or use the same colour twice.
"Every word must be legible and you must not remove your gloves.
"Most correct words in the correct colours wins.
"You have 100 seconds."
So, you've got to write the names of all of those colours,
but you're not allowed to write the name of that colour in its colour.
OK, no lids are to come off until the whistle is blown. Mm.
And don't worry about the creeping sense of dread. That's normal.
LAUGHTER
Your time starts...
WHISTLE BLOWS ..now.
No.
OK. Oh.
Get those lids off!
It's a different colour to the lid.
Maisie unearthed some skulduggery.
Wait, what? Where's the lid? Argh!
Do we have to put the lids back on?
I wouldn't bother with that, Maisie. You've had 30 seconds already. Oh.
LAUGHTER OK.
This is like Art Attack Freddy Krueger vibes here.
LAUGHTER
Come on, guys, you can do it!
APPLAUSE
Yes.
Ten seconds.
WHISTLE BLOWS
All right. Please step away from your pads.
Okey-dokey. Rose, would you like to...
I would like to see the results of this dastardly task, yes.
Cyra.
Hey, pretty good! Not half bad.
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Gwen.
Gwen, again, recognisable, legible words, I would say.
And here is Maisie's offering. Hey, yeah, yeah.
Nothing to be sniffed at there.
I would say commendable.
Some clear actual words of colours.
I can see some words in there.
Mm-hmm. And here we go, Zac.
There you go, Rose. We've got Zac's offering as well.
It looks pretty close, Mike. Come back down here
and we'll see how that's affected the final scores.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Mike, be a pal and talk me through that task.
Fine work from everybody.
But in terms of actual numbers of words in different colours... OK.
..Maisie got four, Ollie five,
Zac seven, Cyra and Gwen drew with eight.
Whoa!
APPLAUSE
So, points-wise, that means Maisie gets one point,
Ollie two, Zac three, and Cyra and Gwen both get five points.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Mike, can you please tell me the final scores?
We are at the very height of exhilaration
because the runner-up and the winner will be going through to the semis,
and we are dangerously close to finding out who they are.
Are you ready, Rose? You bet your bottom dollar I am.
Then assume the position.
Perfect. OK. I can tell you, in fifth place, with ten points,
we have Maisie. Give her a hand. Yay.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
With 14 points, in fourth place, it's Ollie. Well done, Ollie.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
With 15 points, in third place, is Cyra. Well done, Cyra.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
You're going to the semis. Oh, my God!
With 16 points, in second place
and, therefore, through to the semis, it is Zac.
Let's go!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Which means...
Tonight's winner is Gwen!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Go on up and collect your glamorous objects.
Right, well, that's it for another week.
If you enjoyed the show, please leave a review on Tripadvisor.
And let's hear it for all our contestants tonight
and, of course, our winner, Gwen. Good night.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Subtitles by Red Bee Media