Right, let's go.
Ah!
BLOWS RASPBERRY
Can you tape this to my head, please?
Ah...
Cool plus cool.
That was quite pathetic, don't you think?
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Hello, and welcome to Junior Taskmaster.
My name is Rose Matafeo, and I'm the Junior Taskmaster,
and that means I'm officially young, and I will stay young forever.
I can LEGALLY never age, it's in my contract. Got it? Yeah? Great.
Now, over the series we've seen 25 children
manoeuvre their way through an enormous amount of tasks.
There have been some highs, there have been some lows,
but now, there's only one thing on their minds,
and that is being able to take home this resplendent wonder...
AUDIENCE "OOH" ..the Junior Taskmaster trophy.
And you know what?
I'll even throw in a Tesco bag so you can carry it home on the bus!
As always, tonight's winner will take home the prize tasks,
AND they'll win a place in the grand final.
But that is not all.
The person who comes second tonight ALSO goes through,
and there is one last final spot available
for the third place contestant
who wins the most points across both semis.
Got it? Good.
Right then, let's meet our semifinalists -
please welcome Gwen... APPLAUSE
..Jamie... APPLAUSE
..Kyra... APPLAUSE
..Shenaya... APPLAUSE
..and Zac! APPLAUSE
Wow.
Wonderful.
And finally,
my assistant - he's a man who bought a novelty moustache from Poundland,
superglued it on, and can't figure out how to take it off -
it's Mike Wozniak.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Of course.
Thank you, Rose.
Ultimately really,
this is a show about the dangers of industrial espionage.
Are you carrying the GPS coordinates
for the precise location of the gap in the market?
Then check no-one's peeping over your shoulder
trying to get a naughty peek. Remember -
"Don't get your biz swizzed by the wrong sort of squizz."
I wish there was a GPS that could tell me what your brain is doing,
as well, cos it's a beautiful mind.
Right, why don't you be a good assistant to me, Mike,
and reveal to me what tonight's prize task is?
You betcha. Prize task time - and for semifinal number two
the category is the most magnificent metallic item.
AUDIENCE "OOH"
What exactly constitutes the most magnificent metallic item
is subjective, of course.
I have a tinfoil hat secreted under my wig that repels mind weapons.
I find that magnificent.
Rose collects used spears.
Mm, yeah.
A lot of people get confused when I say,
"You can stay in the spear room" in the house.
Rose will give five points to the most magnificent metallic item.
Mm-hm. And at the end of the episode, the overall winner
will have five magnificent metallic items to take home with them.
OK. Gwen, it is so lovely to see you back here.
What is your most magnificent metallic thing you've brought in?
So, the most magnificent metallic thing ever is a gong.
Oh! Here it is.
A gong. OK. Please, tell me more.
So, at first I was thinking, like, cymbals,
but then I realised that a gong is way bigger... Yeah.
..way louder... Yeah.
..which means it's way more magnificent.
Ah, so it'd be good for stress, wouldn't it? Hitting that gong.
Yeah, yeah. It'd be fantastic. Double duty.
It's better than a therapist.
You can't hit a therapist.
MIKE CHUCKLES Children today.
Now Jamie, what have you brought tonight
which is the most magnificent metallic item?
A spork. ROSE LAUGHS
What?
OK. What is a spork?
So, a spork... Yeah.
..spoon, fork... Mm-hm.
.."spork."
And that's how they make them at the factory?
Just smash them together?
Might be. Might be.
Tell us why it's so magnificent... Yeah. ..the spork.
You can use it for all three meals of the day.
OK. You've got breakfast. Yeah.
So, say you're having cereal. Mm-hm. Yeah. Yeah?
You can scoop up the milk AND get the cereal. Mm-hm.
Oh, amazing, yeah! It's what I've always wanted - a leaky spoon.
But then again, I might want a different breakfast foodstuff, right?
So I'd need the fork element, right?
So, if you, say, want waffles or pancakes with ice cream... Yes!
Yeah. ..two in one!
There is nothing more magnificent
than something that can do the job of two things slightly less good.
Kyra, heya! Hi!
What's up? How you doing? Good.
I want to know what you've brought in for your prize task.
The Kelpies. The...?
Whatever is the...? Oh! OK. There they are.
The Kelpies are a Scottish tourist attraction. Mm-hm.
It's that big and magnificent that I couldn't bring it with me.
Don't they have special powers, kelpies?
Well, they're water creatures, but they can appear on land as a horse.
And they have up to ten times more strength than a horse does.
OK, I'm going to throw a spork in the works.
Is this a magnificent metallic...
Or is it the representation of a magnificent metallic thing?
I mean, I guess that frame - is that metal, as well? Yeah.
OK. ROSE AND MIKE LAUGH
There we go. That is... That is a girl clutching for points -
"Yeah, yeah, it's metallic as well."
I'm actually Scottish, you know?
I'm quarter Scottish.
Scottish is the best place in the world.
Yeah, it kind of is, isn't it?
WITH CERTAINTY: It is!
Yeah. It is.
The... It is. ..most assertive tourism board advert of all time.
Yeah!
Shenaya, what is your most magnificent metallic item
you've brought for us today?
Well, I have brought money.
What makes this pile of money magnificent?
So, this money is magnificent cos you can buy ANYTHING with it.
Yeah. You can buy a yacht.
Sorry, I can buy a yacht with that pile of pound coins?
Well, you can buy anything with money except abstract nouns.
So you can't, like, buy, like, melancholy... No. ..or something?
Yeah. You can't buy happiness. You can't buy happiness,
you can't buy ennui... But...
..but you can buy...you can buy a small yacht. Yeah!
It's in the eye of the beholder
whether or not money is as magnificent... Mm-hm.
..as, uh, a spork.
So, I'll think about that but thank you very much for that, Shenaya.
Thank you.
And last not but least, Zac. Hello. Hi.
What's up, dude? You have brought in something for us today, yes?
What have you brought?
Well, I've been making some modern art, recently.
Ah. OK. Here you go.
Tell me more about this.
OK, so - my mum's always taking me into these crazy art galleries,
there's all these weird paintings of, like,
some guy who hasn't combed his hair in a week
or someone with stinky armpits, for example.
Right, yeah. Right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So I made some modern art of my own. OK.
And, as you can clearly see, there's lots of babies on it, right? Yeah.
And if you have younger siblings when they're babies,
you know that they're always fighting with each other
over toys. Uh-huh. Yeah. Right?
So they're harmonising to one main goal that is to climb to the top.
That's why I think it's magnificent.
And if you use your eyes, you can see that it's metallic.
OK. I just, I just got metal-splained... Yeah, yeah.
..by a child. It's shocking. It's provocative. It's modern.
It's beautiful.
So, I am going to give...
Oh... Look, honestly? Money don't mean everything to me,
so Shenaya... Aw. ..it's going to be one point for you.
I've already got a yacht! Er...
Two points to Kyra.
Zac, I mean, it was creative, I'm slightly freaked out by it,
but I think it deserves three points.
I think I'm giving four points to a spork?
Uh...well done!
But five points goes to Gwen for her gong!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE, CROSSTALK
Well done.
Okey doke...
Mike, my little chickadee, what have you got for me?
Sleuthing is the name of the game for this task,
but who will be Miss Marple and who will simply be a miss?
WHISPERING: Hello, Gwen. Hello.
Oh. WHISPERING: Hello, Shenaya. WHISPERING: Hello.
WHISPERING: Hello, Jamie.
WHISPERING: Hello.
Hello. WHISPERING: Hello, Zac.
Who's this? Shh!
What's up, Kyra?
I'm concerned.
Why is there a sleeping man
sitting on a chair with a bag next to him?
Good question...s.
"Work out the following information
"about this sleeping person without waking them up."
"One, their name."
"Two, age."
"Three, their job."
"Four, nationality."
"Five, most recent meal."
"You have five minutes, your time starts now."
WATCH BEEPS OK.
Ooh, OK.
Wow.
Some very, very different entries into that room.
Zac just coming straight in... SHOUTING: "Who's this?"
I imagine... It was like a sort of resuscitation move. Yeah!
But I think Kyra did what I would probably do, which is immediately go,
"I'm concerned."
What exactly concerned you about the whole situation, Kyra?
He brought a sleeping man.
Did you just find him on the streets, or something?
Yeah, I don't...? I don't reveal my sources.
Yeah, what did you think when you first walked into that room?
What was going through your minds?
I was concerned, as well. Yeah.
He was snoring unhealthily loud.
Do you snore, Mike?
I have received criticism in the past.
Uh, who's next, please?
Up next, it's Kyra, Shenaya, and Gwen. OK.
WHISPERING: Where did you get this man from? Ebay?
And his nationality is...
..he's from Wales.
Look, he's got Wales on his socks. Right.
And a little Welsh tattoo.
They're Welsh.
Most recent meal is a sausage roll.
Some sort of bake?
Like, some kind of...pasty.
That smells...not very nice.
His job is a chef.
What are you basing that on?
There's a football. Right. There's...
Er...
WHISPERING: I think this what referees wear.
Right. So he could be a referee. Right. Yeah.
He's got grey hair.
Right. Does that help?
Yeah. So he's old.
Are you pickpocketing, Gwen?
Have you done that before?
My mum's. Yeah?
What did you filch out of your mum's pocket?
Just a £5 note, but I gave it back. Did you? Yeah. Why?
Because I felt guilty.
I don't feel guilty this time.
So, his name is Ian.
And he was born on the 8th of November 1958.
Ian Jenkins. Is it?
1958. So he's 65-years-old. Is he?
His name is either William or John.
What are you basing that on?
I don't know.
John.
He's 61. He's 61? Yes.
How did you work out that he was 61?
I know people in the world.
Right.
Don't wake him up with your whistle.
MUTED WHISTLE
WHISPERING: Bye-bye.
Have you done any detective work before, Gwen?
This was my first time. OK.
It feels...powerful.
You are still in possession of this man's wallet.
Police don't get paid very well.
Oh. Right, OK.
Thanks, Gwen. Thank you. Bye. Bye-bye.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
You took the wallet! How dare you?
"Police don't get paid very well."
You crooked cop, you.
Gwen, I can't believe it. What did you do with that money?
Oh, I still have that 25 quid. I'll give it to you for...
WHISPERING: ..five points.
You're mic'ed Gwen, everyone can hear you.
Five points!
Right, seriously, yeah, OK. Fine. We'll talk later.
In terms of the sting, you've wired yourself.
Now, it was helpful, getting that wallet,
cos there was some information in there.
There was some information just sort of lying out in the open there -
the pasty in the hand. Yes. Yeah.
Shenaya? I just guessed.
Wait, you looked at it and you were like, "That's a pasty"?
Yeah. You ever had a pasty before? I don't like them. Ooh. OK.
You don't like them? Not a fan? No, I don't really like pastry.
Kyra, I think you might be genuinely nearly telepathic,
because you were just, like, guessing some stuff and like,
getting so, so close. You were like, "That guy's 61."
It was very, very good guessing there. I did terrible.
No, you didn't! No, you didn't, Kyra.
You literally looked at that guy and you were like,
"His name's probably William or John."
That's what I think about EVERY man I look at, right?
See... See, what I thought,
I thought he'd just came home from his job, sat down,
had a sausage roll, and he fell asleep.
God, story of my life.
Look, I'm very excited to see how all of you got on there,
but it is time for a break, and you know what that means?
It means it's time for a break - see you soon! Bye.
Hello, welcome back. What did you get up to in the break?
Me and Mike actually held the kids by their ankles
and shook them upside down until coins fell out.
I have no regrets!
So, I'd love to see our next set of Sherlocks, my dear...Woz-son?
That was quite good, actually. Lovely, yeah.
Time now, in that case, for Jamie and Zac. OK.
All right. A football.
MAN SNORES
WHISPERING: It's...a birthday party invitation.
"Boys, come to my wife's surprise 60th fancy dress birthday party."
"Dress as something beginning with C. Love, Ian."
So, I have a feeling he's giving these out.
I think his name is Lan X.
MIKE: Is Lan X?
ZAC: Yes...
CHUCKLING DROWNS SPEECH
MIKE: Lan X.
Um, hold on.
Ooh, this might help.
Oh, wait - he's a referee, I think!
Is he a ref? He's a referee.
OK, his nationality is Welsh, cos of his, like, tattoo.
MIKE: I see.
They're Scottish. Pardon?
They're Scottish! The Scotland flag, innit?
No, it's Wales!
IAN SNORES
WHISPERING: Wales.
His most recent meal...
..that looks like a Greggs meat pie.
Last meal? HE SNIFFS
It smells like a sausage bake, or something.
I'm going to guess, just an estimate, he is 64-years-old.
MIKE: What are you basing that on?
ZAC: I'd say he's around the same age as my nan.
Same amount of wrinkles, same hair colour.
Wallet. Oh...
Have you just picked his pocket? Yeah.
"Ian."
"1958."
Quick maths.
50, 60, 70.
He's 72.
WHISTLE BLOWS
MUTED WHISTLE BLOWS
Can I keep his money?
Why would you keep his money? Cause I want it.
Cheers.
Bye.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Poor, poor, poor Ian.
He was going to use that money
to buy Carol a 60th birthday present, wasn't he?
Jamie, you thought you deserved it? Your...
Yeah, I deserve it more than him! Your reasoning was bulletproof.
You were like, "Can I take this?" "Why?" "Because I want it."
He's a quick decision-maker... Yeah. ..and you did,
you got to the age of 72 using quick maths, so I mean, I think...
I think that means we give a shout-out to slow maths.
Wow! Zac, let's talk about Lan X.
I...I've got to, say I've met a few Lan Xs in my raving days.
I mean, you're a truly original thinker.
Who puts an X at the end of their name?
An affectionate person, Zac.
It's a kiss!
No, I honestly... I loved watching that task. It was very, very fun.
I would love to know who got the closest
to solving the mystery of the sleeping man. Mike?
OK, you'd like some answers? Yes.
Well, his name was Ian Jenkins.
Quite a few of you got that. His age was 65-years-old, as we know.
His job is a referee. The fancy dress invitation -
"Dress as something beginning with C cos it's Carol's birthday" -
so he was dressed as a chef for the party. Oh, that's why.
His nationality was Welsh, as you spotted,
and his most recent meal was a Cornish pasty. Mm-hm.
So, out of that, Shenaya got four correct answers.
Jamie and Gwen got three correct answers.
Zac got two, and Kyra got one.
OK. So, I think Kyra - one point. Admirable effort.
Zac - going to give two points there.
Gwen and Jamie - joint second with four points.
But the full five points has to go to Shenaya, well done. Yay!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
I got five points!
Shall we see how that all affects the scoreboard?
Okey doke, here we go. It's all still all very much to play for.
We've got Kyra with three,
and at the top end - very close indeed to each other -
Jamie with eight and Gwen with nine.
ROSE GASPS Okey doke. Wow.Yes, Gwen!
All to play for, very, very close.
Ah...
All right, Mike, my sweet cherub, what is up next?
The stallion, the elephant, the sea lion -
all animals which at one time or another have been brought to heel
and wrangled by mankind.
But how will our contestants fare with the mighty caterpillar?
Hello. Hello, Zac.
Hello. Hello, Gwen.
Hello, Kyra. Hello.
Hiya. Shenaya.
Jamie. Mike.
Toast? Oh...
Fancy doing a task? Oh, hell, yeah.
"Move the caterpillar safely from the living room table
"to the leaf on the caravan table."
"You may only use two items to capture and move the caterpillar."
"And you must not touch the caterpillar with your hands."
"You have until the toaster has popped to choose your two items."
"Only then may you capture the caterpillar."
"And the caterpillar must be safely moved before the microwave pings."
"The person who successfully moves the caterpillar
"and looks after it the best wins."
Your time...
Starts now. OK.
Uh... What do I get, what do I get, what do I get?
OK, right. So, let's get a pot.
Oh, wait - do I need to get it now?
You need to get it before that pops up. Get two items. Oh, no!
APPLAUSE
So, has anyone moved a caterpillar before, or any kind of insect?
Oh, yeah, yeah. Jamie, have you moved a insect before?
Er, well, it's not a proper insect.
Because I'm too scared to touch them. Mm-hm.
Erm, I-I moved a toy spider.
Oh! OK.
Put it in my cupboard. Fantastic. Yeah.
Kyra, what's your favourite insect?
Worms, because I can put them in my sister's pillows.
Yes! Are you d...?
LAUGHTER
I've got two of the most annoying little sisters in the world.
Oh, come on, Kyra, they'll be watching this!
I don't care!
LAUGHTER
I do want to see, who is up first?
OK, well, first up, it's Kyra, Shenaya, and Zac. OK, all right.
I've got my two items!
Are you completely happy, are you? Yeah.
I've got a pot and some leaves. OK.
You got your two items? Yes, a brush and shovel.
I put the leaves in the pot. Yeah.
And the caterpillar comes into the pot.
I can put that there, and then, just go like that,
caterpillar's on there.
And then, I can bring it and put it on that.
I'm thinking some sort of container.
What kind of container? Box.
I'll take this lid. A lid. A lid and a box.
Ooh! The toast. That scared me.
Can I go in the living room now?
One moment, please.
MICROWAVE BEEPS OK.
Come on, then.
I thought there was going to be a real one!
LAUGHTER Is that not a real one?No!
I didn't expect that.
Oh, hello, Mr Caterpillar.
What's your strategy? I don't have one any more!
What was it going to be?
Just get it and shovel it on - but that's jelly! Yeah.
And it'll break.
Oh.
I think I just cut it in half, but...
I'm sorry, caterpillar.
LAUGHTER
What's happening?
You're sort of smushing straight in the face, is it?
Oh, I think I killed it!
Oh, no, it's split in half.
Er, I've got it in.
So, it's in - oh, you're giving it a shake, are you, for good measure?
Yeah. Right.
Moustached men first. Oh, thank you.
Maybe there's some kind of caterpillar mould we can put it in,
and it can regrow.
Are you prone to wishful thinking?
I don't like this, cos I can't use my hands.
Tip, tip just it.
LAUGHTER
Yeah.
Maybe it'll just...plop.
And maybe I could just use the leaves and, like,
rearrange the caterpillar maybe?
LAUGHTER
Erm... Wow. I don't know.
NERVOUS CHUCKLING
How do you think your caterpillar's doing? Dead.
Dead? Yes.
Oh - still got some guts.
Good grief.
Who's a good caterpillar?
Well, I think someone...
AUDIENCE GROANS
LAUGHING: I just ruined the task, didn't I?
Why did you poke it?
Cos I...I forgot!
LAUGHTER MICROWAVE BEEPS
APPLAUSE INDISTINCT SHOUTING
Ooh, OK!
May I say - he poked it, first of all.
And then, she touched the nose and put it back on it.
Yeah, that's... yeah, but that's not...
We all saw that Kyra, yes.
Shenaya, you were very gentle with yours, like...
BREATHY: .."Hello, come here, little...
"Come on, we're going to get you onto this."
But Zac, honestly, it's like you were trying to trap
that caterpillar, weren't you?
Well...it's what I'm good at.
LAUGHTER
You just had fun just jiggling it up, at one point. Yeah!
Yeah, give it a good old shake.
Now, I am gagging to find out if any of these caterpillars
got delivered safely, so who's next, Mike?
Next up, it's Gwen and Jamie.
Basically get the caterpillar... Yeah. ..like, scrape it along
into this, and then, carry it along over here.
Something has changed about you.
Do you like my gloves? They're Gucci.
I'm not actually touching it, the gloves are touching it.
I once found a butterfly in my garden,
and I got too attached to it.
Emotionally? Yeah.
What was the name of this butterfly?
Bobby the butterfly.
I was in the pool, landed on my arm. Yeah.
Hello. LAUGHTER
Erm, and then, I just didn't want it to leave... Yeah.
..and it died.
It's a desperately sad story.
Shall we do this for Bobby, then?
Yes. OK.
MICROWAVE BEEPS OK.
Ah!
Caterpillar, I'm coming!
Great. LAUGHTER
Oh, no.
Is that good or bad? Bad.
It's a slippery little sucker. Yeah.
Ah! OK... AUDIENCE GROANS
..it didn't say it had to be in one piece. Right.
Oh, well. LAUGHTER
Oh, God this isn't going good.
No?
OK, let's go. OK.
Er, you've rather lost the spring in your step on the way back.
That's not a death march or anything like that, is it?
AUDIENCE GROANS
Bad. Erm, that was just its hair.
Yeah, that was its hair, as well. Its hair?
LAUGHTER
Dinner's served.
Is that it? I guess?
OK, get onto the leaf, little one.
MICROWAVE BEEPS
It's a caterpillar.
I'd say that's just in the nick of time, wouldn't you?
Caterpillar, would you like some toast?
Ooh! One piping hot bag of ratatouille.
I'll let you eat on your own.
Do you want to share? No.
See ya.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
You enjoy that ratatouille there, Mike?
Delicious. Yeah, don't... And quite sweet, hmm.
Yeah, don't go to his house for dinner, it's all -
everything's in bags, it's disgusting.
You're a crazy space man. Now...
Bag of lasagne tonight, if you fancy popping over. No, no.
No thank you. Erm, I want to roll back to the beautiful story
of Jamie getting attached to a...
Bobby. Bobby the butterfly. Th-That was beautiful,
brought a tear to my eye.
Yeah, how'd you think Bobby would've felt about that?
He won't be fussed.
LAUGHTER
Gwen, what would you have done different?
I-I would've transported it to a wheelbarrow.
A wheelbarrow? Yeah.
How would you have got the wheelbarrow in the caravan?
LAUGHTER Jamie?
Well, I wouldn't have got a dustpan and brush.
So, you would've got a different tool?
That's what you would've done differently. Yeah, probably. Right.
A plate and a spork!
Ohh! The spork comes out to play. LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
Oh, well done. Nice, nice, nice.
All right, well, look, I think it'll hurt my eyes to see it,
but I think I need to see all of the caterpillars
one more time, OK, so...
OK, but gird your loins, Rose.
OK. All right. Here we are.
OK! Yeah.
Gwen, I'm sorry, that is not a caterpillar any more.
I think Shenaya, you kind of Frankenstein-ed yours together...
Yeah. ..a bit, so it looks rather impressive, actually,
from a bird's-eye view. But she touched the nose.
Er... No, no, no, no, I didn't! Yes, you did.
LAUGHTER
So, I think my markings have to be, Zac,
you touched that caterpillar and you were like,
"Yeah, I kind of lost that task."
So, I'm going to have to give you 0ero points for the disqualification.
But... Yay! Yes! You take it like a champ, all right.
Er, Gwen, I mean that is a hot mess - that'll give you two points.
Jamie, three points there.
Er, but between Kyra and Shenaya -
to your point, touching the nose, I think she didn't touch the jelly,
so I'm going to be lenient here. But I am... Thank you!
..going to give the full five points to Kyra,
because I thought that was brilliant.
APPLAUSE Well done, well done.
Well, this feels like the right time to have a commercial break.
So, let's do it.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Hello, welcome back!
Hey, waiter I think I'll have another task. Neat!
A-Are you sure? I think you've had enough.
I'll tell you when I've had enough.
You don't know me! LAUGHTER
Another task, please, what is next?
Time is the most valuable commodity we have,
apart from gold, Potash, and miscellaneous.
But, given time, will our contestants waste it,
or make it worth their while?
Hi! Hello, how are you, Shenaya?
I'm good, thanks.
Hello, Kyra. Hello, Mike, we meet again.
We meet again.
Hello. Hello, Jamie.
Hello, Gwen. Hello, Mike.
Hi. Hello, Zac.
What are your plans after this?
Might have a snack. Yeah.
What are you doing? Tie shopping?
Well...probably tie repair, that kind of thing.
Gwen. Mm-hm.
What would be the perfect weekend?
Probably a trip to America, or something where I can go to
a big theme park with a lot of roller-coasters.
I like the way they kind of flip me upside down.
I've got no control whatsoever in what's happening.
But I still feel safe. OK.
May I open the task? Certainly.
Thank you.
"Pass the time in the most productive way.
"The person who passes the time...
"..In the most productive way wins.
"You have one minute to plan...
"..And five minutes to be productive.
"The time starts now."
OK.
What does that mean?
It means, er, doing a lot, or achieving a lot.
Achieving stuff?Yeah. LAUGHTER
APPLAUSE
Interesting.
Oh, gosh, Jamie, you just assumed that Mike's pastime is tie shopping.
Is that true?
These are handmade for me by someone who loves me.
Er, well, la-di-freaking-da, Mike!
We don't all have loved ones who make knitted ties for them!
LAUGHTER
Kyra, you seemed pretty confused when it came to being, like,
"What is being productive?" Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, right
So, so, so...
..if I don't do something right, don't blame me,
blame the person sitting next to you,
because I had no clue what it meant.
Wow. H-He told me it was achieving a lot!
Oh, my gosh, these children are so defensive, man.
What have we done to them? LAUGHTER
Look, er, I would love to be productive right now,
and see how they all got on, Mike.
OK, well, it's time for Gwen and Kyra.
Wait, do we have bread, butter and cheese?
In the Junior Taskmaster house? Yeah.
Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho!
Probably. LAUGHTER
I mean, I could get a piece of paper,
write an award for something, and you give it to me
because I'm fabulous.
What would the award be for?
Your favourite Junior Taskmaster competitant.
I think there's a clock in here somewhere.
What are you thinking?
Ah, I want to pass the time to someone, like, pass the clock.
Which has the time on it.
It'd be productive.
OK.
Do you mind standing there, please, Mike? Yeah, sure. Thank you.
And can you hold this for me? Yeah.
And then, can you pass it back to me, please? Yeah. Thank you.
Certificate. C...
I might need help with my spelling.
E-R.
Now, can you hold this for me, please?
Does Rose like the crusts?
Yeah, absolutely.
Keeps you regular, doesn't it?
LAUGHTER
Thank you. Thank you.
Thank you.
Er... Ooh! Sorry.
It's a bit buttery, that clock.
LAUGHTER
Oh, yes.
Thank you. 39 seconds.
39 seconds. Yeah.
These are the crisps going in the sandwich?
No, outside the sandwich. So, it's presentation.
Yeah, but also... crisps are a delicacy.
WHISTLE BLOWS
Thanks, Gwen.
Thank you. Bye-bye. Bye.
I just come up to you and shake your hand, OK?
FANFARE PLAYS Hello, Mike, you're my favourite!
Hello...Kyra, you're my favourite. Thank you.
This presentation is not conducted under duress...
..or threat of violence.
APPLAUSE
Wow! Wow, wow, wow!
I've never heard of someone giving themselves a certificate before.
I've gotta say, that was giving me big
Trump vibes, that whole thing.
"Aha!"
It may not be true that I said he's my favourite necessarily... Right.
..but he - I-I'm his favourite.
I feel betrayed! Yeah, Mike, I thought we were friends!
Go on, mate! Well, look, everyone's got a - clearly got
a different interpretation of what is productive.
Er, Gwen, very literal with this,
with the passing of time, right?
I was the only who really passed time! I-I actually passed time.
OK, the others were experiencing time... Yes. ..at a usual rate.
I mean, I loved it - but I will say, Mike, you'd do well to not talk
about the regularity of my bowels on television.
LAUGHTER OK? Thank you very much.
Keep that private.
Er, I also love the quote, "Crisps are a delicacy."
They are!
That is valid. Crisps are a delicacy.
LAUGHTER
I enjoyed watching this task. I think they both did pretty well.
I'm ready for another, though, Mike.
OK, well, here's Shenaya and Zac. Mm-hm.
WATCH BEEPS OK.
I have my productive items.
OK.
# What to play? #
VIDEO GAME NOISES
LAUGHTER
Hmm.
I'm being productive, so I'm going to clean all this for you.
OK, thank you. You're very welcome.
This looks a bit dusty.
VIDEO GAME NOISES
LAUGHTER
That is...done.
You've got... A bit more.
..a minute-and-a-half left to be productive. A minute.
OK, right.
One minute and four seconds left.
You've cleaned the room, is there anything else you'd like to do?
Tax returns. I beg your pardon?
Do you do your taxes on the phone?
You're going to do your tax return?
No, I'm doing your tax return. MY tax return? Yeah.
I don't know how these things work, but OK.
Hello? Uh-huh.
79, 63, £128,159.53p.
Thank you. Bye.
WHISTLE BLOWS
LAUGHTER
Thank you, Zac. OK.
All done. It's all done. I did it all for you.
So, I don't even need to pay any tax or anything? Nope. Great.
WHISTLE BLOWS Bye.Thank you, Shenaya.
APPLAUSE
Wow. Yeah. Look...
That was so funny! I love you both,
I think you're both very deeply talented -
but I have never seen a more stark representation of the prison
of gendered social norms...
LAUGHTER ..in which we live than that VT.
So, I'm going to start with Shenaya.
I mean, Shenaya, you're out here doing a tax return, girl!
LAUGHTER
What made you even think of doing a tax return?
Oh, well, so a few days ago,
I was at the park and I heard some two old ladies going,
"Oh, Janet, I need to do my tax return!"
LAUGHTER
So, then, I kept it in my head for a few days, and I thought...
But, Shenaya, I know you saw me in the park, all right, and...
..I think it actually was a private conversation you were overhearing.
Look, Zac, I'm going to give you a chance.
How would you say that was productive?
Well, I was playing scary games,
and I bet you could not do that.
OK. I bet you could not face your fears of scary haunted animatronics.
I mean, that's...that is true.
But I fail to see that that's productive.
Thing is, I'm a gamer, so progress is very important to me.
So, any chance I get to just, like, get that save percentage
up a tiny bit, I will easily take.
Gosh, oh, gosh, I had two older brothers,
I've heard this speech a million times.
LAUGHTER
All right, here it comes, break time!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Welcome back to Junior Taskmaster,
where everybody knows your name.
What's next, Martin?
LAUGHTER Well, er, before the break,
we saw some very different interpretations of productivity.
Finally, here is Jamie.
All right.
Tell me what you're thinking.
Football. Yeah?
Do you know how to play football?
CHUCKLING: Yeah. Sort of.
Right you're going to get destroyed at this.
I play football all the time.
I feel I should warn you, the last time I played football,
I was probably your age. Hmm.
I did accidentally break a boy's leg.
Don't worry, I've done that before. OK, fine.
Rock, paper, scissors for kick-off. OK.
BOTH: Rock, paper, scissors, shoot.
Ah. I get kick-off.
Five minute game, two-and-a-half minutes each way? Yeah.
WHISTLE BLOWS
Ah! One-nil.
Ah! Oh...
Too easy.
Oi!
Oh, oh!
Ah! He dummies right.
Oi! LAUGHTER
I thought you were better than this.
Too easy.
WHISTLE BLOWS
Swap ends.
WHISTLE BLOWS
DRAMATIC CHOIR SINGS
It's in. Ah.
Oi!
WHISTLE BLOWS
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
WHISPERS: Better luck next time. Something like that.
Yeah.
BREATHLESSLY: I think I did quite well.
Yeah. Well, I'm going to leave you to breathe in...
Thanks. ..breathe out. Thanks.
Probably go and get an ice bath, or something.
Sort of thing I n-normally do after a game of, er...footy.
Oh, God.
Oh, good grief.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Honestly? I-I have never watched a more thrilling game of football.
You suck at football! Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh-ho-ho, you eviscerated him!
What did you...? Well...
I mean, what? But...I-I think he was probably off-side for...
LAUGHTER
What is productive about that football game?
Well, it was active. Yeah. Er, I mean...for Mike.
LAUGHTER
OK. Fair. Fair enough.
I guess that's what productivity is about.
What was your goal in that game? Er...
Probably just to embarrass him.
Ah, right, I think, well, then, you may have been very successful.
LAUGHTER
You did all pass the time, but it's down to who was the most productive.
So, it is time for me to give out some points. Yeah? OK.
Er, yeah Zac it's one point for ya.
Erm, Kyra, I'll give you two,
because I didn't see the thing you were achieving.
Er, Gwen, I'm going to give you three points.
Shenaya, I mean, doing a tax return -
that totally deserves four points -
but honestly, I just loved that football game so much,
so it goes five points to Jamie. OK. Well done, Jamie.
Five points to Jamie, five points! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Well done, everybody. So good.
All right, what has that done to the scores, Mike?
Well, it has done this. It is still very tight.
We've got Shenaya and Gwen tied on 14,
and just ahead of them is Jamie, on 16 points.
Whoa!
THEY LAUGH APPLAUSE
OK, my pedigree chums.
Make your way over to the stage for the final task of the show.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Mike, who is reading out tonight's final task?
It will be Shenaya, please.
"Throw a ball of wet loo roll at Mike's moustache.
"The person whose wet loo roll lands the furthest away
"from Mike's moustache in each round will be eliminated.
"There is a bonus point for the most direct hit."
That make sense? OK.
OK, we are going to begin, er,
with Jamie, as he has the largest number of points.
I shall assume the position.
There you go, first one up.
Ooh!
AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS APPLAUSE
Oh, wow!
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
That is impressive!
Oh.
Come on, Zac.
Ooh! High five. APPLAUSE
I'm good at throwing things.
Outstanding levels of disintegration. Gwen, you're up.
Oh! I'm eliminated.
The furthest away from Mike's moustache was Kyra.
Make your way to the elimination bench, please, Kyra.
APPLAUSE
All right, Jamie.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
That was incredible!
OK, high drama.
CHEERING
AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS Gwen, no, Gwen!
APPLAUSE
Okey dokey, Jamie.
Ooh!
Oh! That was OK.
We know Zac is capable of accuracy.
AUDIENCE OOHS Oh, there we go.
Zac to the elimination bench.
Two left in the game.
All right, it's down to Jamie and Shenaya.
Olympic levels of, er, silence.
I don't need this any more, do I?
ZAC: Mate, I think you might've missed.
LAUGHTER
Oh, no!
APPLAUSE
Last throw.
Straight to business. CHEERING
Right, it's no contest, that's Shenaya's.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Very good!
Please, all of you, come back down here,
and let's see how that's affected the final scores! Well done.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Whoo! Wow, I mean, Mike, please remind me about all of the aspects
of that task, what they could've got points for. OK.
Well, the first thing I can reveal is that the bonus point
that was available for the closest to bullseye-ing my moustache
does go to Jamie.
CHEERING Bonus point to Jamie.
Er, and then, in terms of elimination bench, time -
Kyra came off first, so she got 1ne point,
Gwen got two, Zac, three points, Jamie got four,
plus his bonus point, five.
And the person who won that particular game gets five points,
is Shenaya. Yay. Well done, Shenaya.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE All right!
OK, Mike, look, I want to call you John Mike-enroe,
because it's time to serve up some final points. Nice.
Rose, let me tell you,
you don't get more mind-blowingly exhilarating than this.
Because both the runner-up and the winner will be going
straight through to next week's final.
There is also one place available for whoever comes third,
with the most points across both semis.
But we won't find out who made the cut until the finale next week.
So, take a deep breath, fasten your seat belts,
and syringe your ears, because here are the results.
In fifth place, with 9ine points,
we have Zac, ladies and gentlemen!
CHEERING
In fourth place, with 11 points, it's Kyra!
CHEERING
Third place, with 16 points, it's Gwen!
CHEERING
With 19 points, in second place -
and therefore through to the final -
it is Shenaya! CHEERING
But that can only mean that tonight's winner is
the outstanding Jamie!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Get up there and collect your most magnificent metallic items!
Whoo!
Wow, that is it for this week.
Next week will be the Junior Taskmaster grand finale.
Champions will clash, heroes will be forged,
tasks will be mastered -
and Mike and I will probably go for a curry afterwards!
See you then, but let's hear it one more time for all of
our contestants this week -
and of course, tonight's winner, Jamie!
Subtitles by Red Bee Media