Your flesh!
Welcome to Kongen Befaler!
I've collected five of Norway's foremost comedians-
-to make them solve meaningless tasks to their best and worst ability.
For this to go seamlessly for them-
and the tasks are solved to the point, I have with us:
Olli Wermskog!
Thank you.
Can you briefly tell us what is the program about?
Five comedians solve tasks you have given them.
In each program, a winner is chosen.
In addition, an overall winner is selected in the autumn's last program.
This winner gets a gold bust from you, Atle.
And then ... You enjoy it?
I wish I could win it myself and take it home to the wife.
As usual, these are the five who will show you their genius-
and inability on television.
Norway's best problem solver, Siri Kristiansen!
Norway's blondest comedian, Calle Hellevang-Larsen!
Norway's youngest comedian, Maria Stavang!
He darkens in the Ylvis revival group, Vegard Ylvisåker!
And he's last in the Ylvis revival group, Bård Ylvisåker!
A warm welcome, everyone.
Do you have an evaluation of yourself after the effort in the first program?
-Incredibly good. -Awful.
You feel you have more to go on?
Yes of course.
-You can start by talking louder. -Okay.
-I'm talking... - It will help a lot.
Have you prepared yourself specifically for today's competition?
No I have not..!
We'll start.
As always, the first task is-
-that the participants should bring something you have asked them to bring.
Everything is put in a pot. Whoever wins, -
- may take everything home to share and own.
What is it you asked them to bring today?
Today, participants must bring you an amount in cash.
We've made it easy, the highest amount wins the task.
I wonder whether we should start with Bård.
Yes. Then I uncover.
Here we have a relatively high amount.
We are at ten, 15, 100, 200 ...
315 000.
Indonesian.
For a moment, I want to know what it is in NOK. Can you count on that?
A moment...
Yes! It is 193 kroner and eight øre.
So little.
-What do you have, Maria? -I went for the same idea as Bård.
Nicely wrapped?
I took the pinch!
-Is it rubles? - No, euro.
- Five, ten ... You haven't counted them beforehand?
-No. 20, 30 ... - This is not the euro.
No, it's lira. I was looking into some lira too.
It's second highest.
- It's a little coin and stuff. -Yes.
I bet around 40?
If it's 40 euros, we are talking about just over 400 kroner.
In relation to your income ... That's about ten percent?
I'm not going to eat for a few weeks now.
Shall we go to the next one? Siri?
I did as I was told, and brought the cash I had.
It's my son's spare box.
I have no idea how much it is, but that's it.
I see from here that most of the 20-crowns are peeled out.
But there is one there, one ten and a few fives.
I bet it's 40, like Maria. Only that it is kroner.
Easier to use in Norway.
She said, "Here are 20, here are ten and some crowns, I bet 40. "
So this is ten kroner!
At least it is money you can spend.
Calle, you spread it across the floor?
Absolutely.
You get it high.
It gets twice as high.
This is the neat sum of 401 kroner.
-401 kroner? -Yes, and it stands by itself.
Even though it broke in two, it is the highest amount.
Yes.
Vegard, I'm excited that you went to your brother's sting trap, -
-or have you chosen to be more generous?
I took out what was left in my account.
- It was the penis, it wasn't money. - It's cool too.
Let's see... 1500, I don't remember how much.
2100 kroner.
I feel like giving out the points.
I think you've seen it coming, Bard. You get one point.
Last place for a stingy, squeaky money guy.
Siri, there will be two points.
Second last.
Vegard, it will be in fact, only third place.
That's because you're so rich.
No?
You almost didn't give more than him.
Now I felt like I was winning anyway.
Now I've fixed everything.
Maria you come in second place with four points, because you have no more.
Calle wins, because he in the double sense gave a high amount.
Then the winner with five points ... We can bring up the leaderboard:
Just to see, it will follow us throughout the fall.
That's the best, Calle.
Then the hunt for the money is on.
I would like to see another task, Olli. What should we see?
-Do you like coffee? -Nah ...
Then you will like this task a bit like "nah".
Cozy.
-Hi. -Good day.
I brought a knife.
If the task needs a knife, I can do it right away!
It had been awesome.
"Have a well-deserved coffee break."
"Fill the cup with coffee from the jug. It's full when it runs over. "
"Your time starts now."
"Your time starts now!"
Funny, funny.
Just...
It's solid and it's solid.
Yes, yes ...
So they should fill the cup with coffee from the coffee pot.
But both the cup and the jug are attached to the table top.
100 percent correct.
Would you say someone excelled especially in the task?
I would actually say that everyone excelled.
This time they did it. We can start with Bård.
He has a solution I want to show the whole of.
-All? Fantastic. -All. Lets see:
What is it..?
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. And such...
And that one...
Stop.
After a very bad start, you quickly catch up. This was quick.
-Impressive. -Yes? Yes.
We continue where we left off and show the solution for Siri, Calle and Maria.
There is no other way to do it on. Does?
I can't wait to see that.
Now the plan is to make a guitar funnel.
From here, like that. A small hole there. And then tilt the table a little.
Like that. Then it should be okay.
Is there a screw right there, then it clicks for me!
Now the coffee will flow through the guitar, out a hole and into the cup.
Now it is at least coffee in the guitar.
It runs past the hole, in one way or another.
Where did the coffee come from?
Here's a lot of coffee.
Lots of coffee, so ...
I wonder if we have to do that?
Yes!
Look there, yes.
Like that. Then we just have to refill a little.
This is not going to happen, now I pour out of the cup at the same time.
But it just has to do it.
Now it goes out again in the cup. But it just has to be.
-Are you happy so far? -Yes.
Not 100 percent, but ...
- "Is there going to be some coffee?" -"Yes please."
I ask you first, Bård. What do you think about the others' solutions?
You said there was only one way.
Either there is some nonsense or I think: Are you complete idiots?
Calle, were you afraid f anyone else had chosen the same method as you?
No, I wasn't. I felt original there.
-But there are more left? - Yes, Vegard.
But first I want to ask you others:
What solution do you think Vegard went for?
Vegard has definitely gone for the most nerdy solution.
-If Vegard has ... - "I'm making a fuss."
- "I need a sip." - Siphon, yes?
If it's liquid, Vegard always goes too far.
- Garden hose siphon. - Snake and sip.
- Shall we take a look? -Let's do it.
There is the coffee that is it. Okay.
Then I have to in the garage.
It's fantastic, after all.
There was a garden hose here, yes.
It was absolutely wonderful.
Come on, work now!
Yes, yes, yes!
Yep!
It was disappointing that it didn't go faster than he was easy there.
No, we'll see.
The winner spent 35 seconds.
It's Bård. Congratulations.
The last place was Calle. You spent 14 minutes and 25 seconds -
-more than Bård.
Second place went to Vegard.
The last six minutes:
The sage Siri. Very good.
In the middle of the tree was Maria. Three minutes and 45 seconds. Lovely job!
But it was Bård who won.
The total position so far in the program we have here:
Vegard sneaks up on a shared lead with Maria.
At the bottom is Siri.
Then we can move on, Atle. Are you ready for a real treat?
-Yes, I'm ready for a treat. -I have one in your pocket.
There you have to stop.
This is not such a program. Put that biscuit back.
Take a dispute sale on the next. You're welcome!
Are you at home ready for a treat? Watch now:
Hello.
Sometimes they are too well sealed.
"Make a pair of shoes for Atle."
"The shoes Atle likes best, wins. You have 30 minutes from now. "
Yeah ... What size does Atle have then.
A heavy teddy bear.
Forty...
... Six. (US 12) About.
I feel like Atle is a slightly hairy man.
I think he appreciates seeing his hair.
He wears sandals after all.
First and foremost, I want to find some leather.
Most preferably white leather.
But that is too much to hope for, I think.
The participants will make shoes for you. They have 30 minutes to themselves.
The shoes you like best win.
I have to say to Calle:
46 is absolutely correct.
Man Know.
- Shall we take a look at it? -Let's do it.
Shoes, shoes, shoes ... I hear Atle say:
"It must sit firmly on the foot. Be good to join. "
I'm going to make these "chilling shoes".
We have to cut off both arms of the teddy bear.
Do not you think that's the shoe size for Atle?
Yes.
It's a little macabre.
This is not what my children must see.
Do you know how much my daughter has wanted such a big teddy bear?
The plan is a perfect cast. Identical as a Nike shoe.
Only in TEC7.
Now he gets shoes that are bacterial and fungal resistant.
I imagine Atle's shoes should breathe a little too.
He strikes me as that type.
If only anyone have sawed off some slalom boots, -
- it is so disappointingly badly thought out.
This is completely the inside.
It does not say that they should be made from scratch. Like that!
Totally unsustainable.
"I'm just taking this slalom boot and cutting it off. "
I can cut them off. They should not be so tall.
It was a shoe from before, you didn't make a shoe.
You just ruined a shoe. This is to make a shoe.
What is the drying time of these shoes? It is...
"24 hours."
These are après-ski shoes.
What are they called pretending slalom but only on après ski?
-Duster? - Idiots, yes.
-What are you doing? -I just have to ..!
I don't know what's inside, so I bring the whole thing out.
It is not easy to know where things are. That's the advantage of being a cobbler.
Then you know where things are when making shoes.
Don't cut back to: "People who use existing shoes cheat."
If only someone has just said of some slalom boots, -
-it's so disappointing.
This is not a stupid little thing.
I can't spend time being smart.
This one ...
Yes, yes, yes!
There is so much to grasp.
-I want to start with you, Bård. - I'm laying a toad.
They look sick after all.
Then it's you, Siri ...
I have to say, you have ...
You've done your best.
But you have made UGGs!
Yes.
Let's see if anyone else have something better to come with.
I want to see what you guys have contributed.
But first we take an ever so small advertising break.
Welcome back to Kongen Befaler. Olli, where were we?
Participants make shoes for you.
The next cobbler is probably Maria.
I don't think Atle looks at shoes as something functional, -
- it's just like a panty. You have to have it to work in society.
Atle loves the environment. I have seen that in commercials of him.
He loves shoes that can be recycled.
There is one.
"Oi, I got crumbs in the shoe."
Like that.
I could give myself now. But nobody likes just two loaves.
So for Atle to appreciate shoes and want to wear them -
-there should be some "Saturday" on the shoes.
As if you go to the bus and feel your blood sugar is low.
Then just pick from the shoe.
Then I use Quick Lunch.
Then you get the adidas stripes.
Atle is getting a little older.
Then it is important to have good shoes with dampers.
I'm going to wear high heels.
You just thought it could be eaten at the top? No no...
Little did you know that the "main snack" -
lies in the shoe itself.
It's like walking on a sandy beach on "Granca".
The non stops work like a massage inside.
Incredibly good cushioning with heels.
But the best thing now is ...
"I'm a little hungry. How do I fix it? "
And then I just do that.
And then ... Oi!
Lots of non stop on foot?
The problem is solved, I'm not hungry anymore.
I see you're happy.
The advantage is that I can feed the birds as I walk.
Then I don't have to bend over.
-Are you ready for the last man? -Very.
It's cobbler Hellevang-Larsen.
Then I have found what a shoemaker needs.
A shoemaker's essential tool.
It's a hammer, a jigsaw, one nail,
- scissors, glue, wallpaper knife, knife -
- stapler ...
Extra pins. And fishing line.
Then just start. We're having a bad time.
Shoemakers often have a pen, I haven't.
I do it the old way, I draw with a knife.
There we have a sole.
What is happening now ...
He has some real pail labs.
Now we are going to make what attaches Atle's foot to the sandal.
Like that...
-Are you ready to hand out points? -Yes.
We must probably deal with those who have used shoes to make shoes.
They come down the list.
It's the last.
Vegard gets last place, that's because he does not think it is a weakness.
Border should get second last.
Because you are willing to admit that this is sinking low.
- It's weak. -You'll get for the humility.
Then it's luck for you Siri that someone is inferior to you.
Not because the shoes are not your best attempt, -
-but because it's UGGs!
It brings you to third place.
- Then it says between baker ... - The Bastians?
And then we have him ...
You do the last fine tuning? Perfecting the product?
- Can you decide? -No.
You can try them on?
Ok, I can try them on. I can try one of each.
Have you decided what is right and left?
The one with leaves in is right.
I think you have to use force.
Oh, they were dry.
Yes...
Yes, but they are not sitting.
As long as I don't go with them, things are going well.
- As long as I'm standing still. -Be careful about the pins sticking up.
Ok ... Oh!
-There were pins too. - Then I'll just fasten it.
- Do they have to take Calle every time? -Obviously.
- Can I go now? -Yes, you do.
Then you go straight into the next one.
Yes, so can you go straight into a new shoe? You just have to bake enough shoes.
Which one felt best on the foot?
You dare to ask?
The one that sits best on the foot has nails through.
- Then you have to think for yourself. - It must be a pain to live.
Absolutely.
Yes ... Now I regret having said that one of these wins.
I am willing, since creativity is at the forefront.
This can be used as a "survival kit" and to feed the birds.
Then Maria gets first place!
Honorable second place to Calle.
It's okay, I see it.
-But there are more points to distribute. -Absolutely. Ready for the next task?
Yes, but not for new puns.
- No, we have to move. -Move? Isn't that a pun?
Well, in a way ...
This one I'm looking forward to. I don't know why.
"Move the playhouse as far as possible. The distance is measured in an air line. "
"The house must be complete. You have 20 minutes."
"Your time starts now."
It's stress.
I can't bear it.
Yes...
The task is to move the playhouse as long as possible in 20 minutes, -
measured in air line.
Who should we see?
We can start with ... Bård?
No, I think we start with Bård.
Then we start with Bård.
I run while I think.
Damn muck!
There are some roads I don't want to cross.
I don't want to run over there, I wear it over the edge.
I wonder if I should try to get hold of someone who can drive it far.
Pardon? Are you going far? Are you done now?
Can I put it in your car, and then we can drive?
I go and fetch the house.
This seems odd.
You often pick people up with playhouses, who need relocation?
-This is the first time. -First time?
We have a small map. Let's take a look at that.
There you start, down there and out on the main road.
There you meet the pole, driving away there.
We can see that on the dotted line ...
- Very flat. - It's pretty far.
930 meters. And a clear lead.
Impressive.
We have to see if he has competition from the others.
We can do that, but do you want to stretch your legs a bit?
Yes, since you suggest it. Should we take some advertising first?
Welcome back to Kongen Befaler. Olli, you know where we were?
Bård has forced a Polish driver to drive his playhouse.
Now I thought we should see how Calle has solved the task.
You should get nothing for free.
Yes!
I'll just pick something up in the garage.
I hope it is strong enough. It is.
I have to check that there is no car.
Then just get to the tram.
Maybe I should walk on the sidewalk? Although I am a house.
What is happening now did not happen instead. Ouch!
Like that.
No, three minutes for the tram to go.
The back door, yes?
Therefore...
Yes?
It doesn't work, it's a bar in the middle.
Then just start walking.
Yes, rub it in, people on the tram!
Get some bigger doors!
Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, -
- four, three, two, one ...
Finished! Put down the house.
Let's see how far he moved it.
Let's get the map up.
He goes down to the tram stop, stops and waits -
does not get into the tram.
Then he goes that way. Up there, and there he stops.
Very good.
You walked 521 meters. But ended up at 73 meters in the air line.
But should we look at the rest right away?
Let's see if Siri, Maria or Vegard manages to beat Bård.
Then it's just sticking.
Linear distance? Then it is best to go over here.
This is not an appropriate task for me. I am neither strong nor smart.
I think...
I'm calling a 16 seater taxi.
Then he gets it up the wheelchair ramp, drives for 20 minutes and calls us.
It is much better on asphalt.
I need a 16 seater with wheelchair ramp.
As soon as possible.
Where are you going?
Can only drive ... towards Drammen.
I don't know how these work.
I found a walking chair.
It's a little weird that Atle has one in the garage, but okay.
We'll see if this goes away. It goes.
I'm in poor shape.
What are you waiting for?
That there should be a 16 seater taxi with wheelchair ramp.
It will carry the playhouse to Sandvika.
Can I borrow it for one minute? Thanks!
Thank you.
Ok ...
Yes! Why wasn't he there before?
Goodbye!
Hey, if I'm tired?
Do you think..? What do you think?
Of course I'm tired! It is the stupidest question I've been given.
Why didn't I see him sooner.
What time is it, Olli? Where are you, Olli?
Time.
Yes. Yes, yes ...
The house stands where it was. But then I get a call and cancel the taxi.
Then I did.
It was a dead end.
I'm not going to bring it up again and so on.
I take it all the way in, as far as I can.
Time!
-Thanks for the ride. - Thanks for the trip, it was nice.
We must never do that again.
Here is the map: Siri doesn't move anywhere.
We can bring up Vegard and Maria. Look here...
They go in different directions, and they go a long way.
There, Vegard finds a scooter and Maria goes down a dead end.
-It is... - This looks exactly alike.
Yes, it's almost the same.
Vegard used a little longer to plan.
I have it black and white here. Vegard, you moved the house-
- 1010 meters in air line. -Bang!
-It is... -Bang!
The sharpest people at home remember that Maria entered the dead end and stopped.
But then you pushed it into the parking lot.
I haven't revealed anything yet. But in other words ...
- She beats you by four feet! -Yes!
Impressive.
Then we can put up the score so far.
Maria still leads with 17 points!
It is good.
It's not over. The last competition happens as always-
here in the studio in front of the audience, viewers and me.
Get on stage.
You're going to take the balloons out of the bag, one by one, -
and anchor them using cheese or bread.
Only that.
When I blow the whistle, you have 100 seconds-
to get so many balloons as possible to stay on the ground.
Three, two, one ...
Then we shall see.
Good technique, Vegard.
Thanks! You are a good host.
-It's not going. -No!
Look here, some are up in wood already.
If you copy my technique, I'm choking you.
-What technique do you have? -No.
Damn it!
-How is Vegard doing? -Not so...
Yes! No!
There are ten seconds left. Nine, eight, seven, six, five -
- five, four, three, two, one ...
Let go of everything you have in your hands.
I think we have enough information to pick winners and order.
I suggest that you leave.
Yes, then we have a winner and a loser.
- Should we start with last place? -Yes, it's fun dramaturgically.
-Maria. -Hi!
I said your name, it means you are the last.
You only had one balloon.
It is shared first place between Siri and Bård, who had six balloons.
It is important to include that Siri released a balloon -
-so Bård is the winner.
-It is good. -It means today's winner-
-is Maria with 18 points!
You run out of money! Take your money!
Enjoy your money, play with your money!
The rest of you go home a little nicer.
Overall results after two programs look like this:
We will be back next time. Then there are several points-
and new prizes to fight for.
And not least the grand champion! See you later.
Original text:Rolf Clement Johannessen www.btistudios.com