Welcome to Kongen Befaler, where our comedians will solve tasks-
that put their limited abilities to the test, hoping to win-
this season's grand prize: A bust in gold of me.
Those who can win this, are as always:
Vegard Ylvisåker, Maria Stavang, Bård Ylvisåker ...
... Siri Kristiansen and Calle Hellevang-Larsen.
By my side sits Olli Wermskog, my faithful lackey, servant-
and submissive subject, who shamelessly crawls for my will.
-What's the first task of the day, Olli? -Thanks for that...
You have asked the participants to bring something that the winner can bring home -
- or to the cabin or wherever you want. What did you ask them to bring today?
Today I have decided that you should bring something you have bought abroad.
- Their best buy abroad. - Great.
And abroad is difficult. It's actually a little bigger than Norway has become.
It can be from anywhere, and I see you -
- working to come up with your story and your stuff. Are you ready?
Who should we start with? Do you want to choose?
-May I? -No. We take Siri first.
Start with me? Yes. Now you're probably excited.
Oi. -Right?
I have chosen to bring a velour sofa from Bolia [furniture store], -
... which I picked up outside Drammen today. [~25mi from Oslo]
-Today? - It was shipped all the way from Denmark, -
... which is my favorite country. So this is the first time I see it.
And potentially the last time I see it, too.
That's it. This one will be in the pot and can be won by the others.
Very sporty. Neat prize, that.
Do you get money from Bolia? Is it a sponsor?
No, it's broken, so I got it at 70%. It only cost NOK 17,000. [~US$1,850]
-Bård, what are you up to? - It's kind of the same, but ...
-It looks like a little? -Not completely.
This was difficult. Everything you buy abroad is a little great -
-and then you look cocky when you come home with something stylish.
-And do you now? -I have fart bombs with me.
-This is fart bomb bath. -Don't you get it in Norway?
-I don’t think so. -That's automatically a good thing.
They stink something violent, and we had a lot of fun with it, -
so it's much more fun than a sofa. Costs not quite the same -
but still entertaining.
- Have you tried them? -Yes. You press it.
Then it blows up. Like that. Then it takes some time, and then ...
- Is it up and running now? -Yes.
Have you started it now?
Then a sauce comes out, which is not so much fun to put on.
- They're a little old, so ... - They probably smell better then.
Look. The breeze went that way.
The smell went out to the audience. It was even good.
Or is there anyone in the audience who ...
Should we give one to the audience?
We do not know if anyone in the audience has taken the opportunity to eat.
A golden opportunity to release a stinker. What do you think, Atle?
I think we should move on to Vegard.
I have great use of this, but I have a kayak.
-It looks very exciting. - I have a kayak with sail, -
-which is going at an amazing speed.
Sometimes it splashes on me, sitting in ...
I can show. This is the tip of the kayak.
-I'm sitting here... - Careful about my stuff.
When there are waves, it bursts into my face.
That's why I bought these splash guards -
which one can use there. It has become amazing after that.
-Vegard? You've grown up. -Thanks.
Better than the couch. These are at least purchased abroad.
You are so envious of the couch.
-And they cost 17,000? -No, around a thousand.
It's real plastic, after all.
So good. We move on. Who are we going to take now? We go to Calle.
I have a case with me from Zimbabwe. Of Zimbabwean origin.
It's simply a genuine ...
... 100 trillion dollar banknote.
Hundred trillion dollars?
Note. Zimbabwean dollar. Do you know how much a trillion is?
A thousand millions, or a million thousands.
-Are all zeros represented? -There are twelve zeros there, yes.
-And the value of it in Norwegian kroner? -When I bought it in 2008 ...
... it was three kroner.
- It's going downhill. - It does. Damn shame.
But it makes the world a happier place for us.
Fantastic. Then we have come to you, Maria.
I have something with me from Japan. A Japanese savings box ...
-Cool. -... that simply ...
... eats money.
And it makes a sound, which savings boxes often make.
We did not get this, but at the end it has a little rap.
I'll do it again.
No. - You said "no" when he did!
-Vegard! - My best moment.
- Now you've seen the five things. -Yes.
But we won't get away from Vegard's having ...
It is the most boring thing I have ever seen in my life.
And it's so good that you only come in second-last place.
Calle, you come in last place, simply.
The prom stuff ... Now I regret it. I put you at the last.
The brothers last. Calle, you move up to third place.
Siri gets second place for the value, and you get for the savings box, -
... which I haven't seen before. Big applause to Maria.
Then we move on. We have a task that is quite open to interpretation.
We're gonna have action that includes a tent, -
and comedians who put things in the tent.
It sounds like action, after all.
It doesn't sound like action, but it's action!
Tent, comedians and fill it up. Exciting stuff.
Should I get into it?
Now he sits naked or something.
I just have to look a little first.
-Olli? -Yes?
You're in here, yes.
-You're welcome. - Should I come in to you?
"Fill the tent with something."
"The fullest tent wins. You have 20 minutes from now."
Heavy start to the day.
The participants should thus fill the tent with anything.
The point is to end up with the fullest tent.
-Who do you want to start with? -I want to ...
... Bård and Maria begin.
Just have to find big things with lots of volume.
The trick is not to stress.
Work on, now.
Look here, yes. This delivers beyond all expectation.
- Three minutes left. - Yeah, yeah.
Like that.
There's air in here. On the top. And back there.
Yes, but it looks full up front.
Surprisingly tiring and pointless.
- How full is it? - It's pretty full.
I would say ...
... that there is room for more. It's not full.
If you had brought this home to your family in Finland ...
-Why should I do that? ... they had then said:
"No, it's not full. It is empty."
They would speak Finnish. And I would never take it to them.
Wait.
I found someone named Astrid. She passed by.
I asked her to look at the tent and judge if it was full.
I would say that.
It is, after all, an absolutely objective testimony.
It is true. Too bad she's not a judge.
Yes ... We are all judges when that time comes.
I used to say.
- Good luck with the clearing. -Thanks.
Yes, Bård. Very conventional way of filling the tent.
I would say that this is resolved, in a way.
It was so full you got it. And unlike you ...
You had made a "this tent is full backdrop".
It was completely empty behind, so you put things in front so it should look full.
Unlucky for you that Olli checked this.
I didn't think he was going to look behind.
But it's OK. There are more left.
I thought we could take a look at Calle and Siri.
Let's see if they also made a backdrop.
Fill the tent with something. Right?
Even if I pick up everything in the garage and fill it in there, -
- I'm not going to make it.
My plan is to make the tent smaller, so it will be less filling.
Here. Ball.
Satan! Not a chance. Not a chance.
You fill the tent with a bocce ball?
I filled the tent with a bocce ball, yes.
I'm not sure if what I'm doing is ...
It is law according to the laws of Norway, but if I answer the question, somehow.
But when did you fill a water balloon, like? Do you understand?
Before or after it is inflated?
Like that.
It's pretty full. Doesn't get much more in there.
- Can't find the ball either. - No, but it's there.
I believe in that.
- Hard to get more boat in. - There was as much boat as it went.
Yes.
Yes? Thanks.
Siri, you ask if you have solved the task as intended.
The task says "fill the tent", and then it is quickly done-
-to read it as "dismantle the tent and fold it nicely".
I've filled it with a whole ball.
I'm not saying you're an idiot, but after you folded it,
- there was room for more than one ball.
Calle, you've made a boathouse. Or boat tent.
Yes. It was a pretty full tent. What do you think of the solution itself?
It was a good solution. Last time I was on a camping trip, -
- it was pretty full when I got the boat in, -
so I went for it.
How do we get there? We haven't seen all of them?
No. We have Vegard left. Should we look at Vegard?
I don't know if it's approved, but I'm going to fill it with smoke.
Oh, there it was a rod. Cool place to have a rod.
This tree is dead. If I put on something that isn't dead,
there is moisture in it. Then there will be lots of smoke.
To get smoke, you have to have what is called "incomplete combustion".
That means things are too moist to burn-
-or that it doesn't get enough oxygen. I need to make a little effective bonfire-
-which doesn't get good enough combustion.
-It looks like you're enjoying yourself. -Yes.
I think this one gets pretty full of smoke.
If you have baby needles in flames, there is often a lot of smoke.
It smells pretty bad here.
I can confirm that the tent is now being filled with gas.
Yes... It's boiling on the roof here now.
I'm pretty happy that the tent is quite full of smoke now.
Yes, a little ... Oi!
Do you want to check, Olli? -Yes, time is up.
Stick your head in here and get an upset stomach.
It's not all the smoke you see, you know.
Yes, there is smoke there, one might say.
-Great. -Fine.
Thanks. Goodbye.
Vegard, do you feel there was any information about the bonfire-
- that you didn't include in the feature? - I think I got most of it.
-There is a lot of mansplaining here. -I just passed 40, so ...
You've grown up now.
Wonder if anyone is sitting watching and thinking, "He wants to get to know me."
It just goes downhill from here.
Should we try to distribute some placements here?
There is only one who can judge, and it is you, so please and judge.
It’s between Maria and Siri in last place, -
-but Maria, you end up last.
That's because you're trying to get away with a cowboy backdrop.
I'm short-sighted.
You get second-last, Siri.
At least you had a theory that it could work.
But it didn't.
Vegard, you mansplain down to a third place.
Without all that babbling you could have ended up in first.
We give you a third place, and for good and hard work, -
- you get a second place, Bård, and you get first, Calle.
We can get up the scoreboard and look at the position after two tasks.
Who's ahead, then? Look. Great, Calle.
Life is too short not to start the next task immediately.
What is this task about?
We will literally walk in the footsteps of Jesus himself.
Do I have to go in to get it? Is it part of the task?
"My name is Olli and I'm a little difficult."
Thank you.
Now you come, yes. Couldn't you come before you gave it to me?
"Run as far into the water as you can. Longest distance wins."
"You have one try."
We don’t get far, then. We just sink.
It is not possible to run on water. Have you taken that into account?
Should I run on my feet?
You can buy whatever you want for 200 kroner. [~US$22]
Make a list and I'll get it.
Buy what I want for 200 kroner?
- That’s generous. - Thanks.
100 kroner on each foot? -Yes. Or 200 on one and a bucket.
I'll go on the water. Jesus walked on the water. But he was a god after all.
Out there, it's shallow. No, the other way around. What is it?
Deep.
Can go to Finn.no. [Classified-ads site] "Given away: Water running shoes".
Then I want one and a half liters of soda for 200 NOK.
- Insects go on the water. - They are light.
Gas cylinders? They can make it easier for me.
Polystyrene? It's flowing.
- Such a panel. -A panel?
I'll make some calls. Find furniture to be given away.
Then I have 200 left over, which I want to give to Unicef.
- Then I want a soda. - A soda?
Now that’s worth it. Norwegian-Finnish man in suit and sea boots-
-shall go out and carry six desks and a couch alone.
If any of the participants manage to walk on the water like Jesus,
- let's look for some advertising.
Welcome back. Olli, tell us where we were.
So your subjects should run as far as they can into the water.
If you can run on the water, you have an advantage.
-Will we see how they solved it? -We start with Bård and Calle.
He doesn't look so happy. He has struggled now.
Now he comes.
-Do you get lifted a little? -Yes.
I think the trick is to tape them together into one long case.
- Is it okay for us to film here? -Yes.
To be perfectly honest, Olli ... Do you have faith?
Very easy to sit in suits and fishing pants and feel fat.
Surprisingly good flowability for an Ektorp [Ikea sofa].
-Do I get a test run? -No. One try.
Then I'm ready. Oh, it's going well here.
Ready? Three, two, one ...
It is there?
40 blank.
13 feet to him.
I see in hindsight that I could have dropped it and just ran past.
You didn't need to get those chairs. Nor the table.
- They must be returned. - Goodbye.
Calle, how much did you believe this would work?
Quite a lot of faith. I would say I 50 percent believed it.
- We have Siri, Maria and Vegard again. - Probably some neat solutions there.
I have called the task: "Vegard, Maria and Siri-
and the great capillary effect." And maybe a little mansplaining.
There was a lot of soda.
That water ...
- Hi, Olli! - Hello.
You see where this carries. This will be water shoes.
I glue most on the underside, but some on the side to stabilize.
I think I win this.
Then I tape a lot around.
-Get it a little nicely. Find the balance. -And go as far as possible.
-Do you think I'm getting up? -I do not know.
-I haven't shaved my legs. -Neither have I.
- I think I'm going to win. - Do you think this is good?
-Are you happy? -Fight-happy.
-I'm ready. Do I look ready? -You look great.
You have to stay above the water in some way.
You can either bet on hydroplaning, that you push the water away.
But if you run, they will stick to the surface of the water -
because of the capillary effect.
That's why I went for these IKEA slopes with grid pattern below, -
which will break the capillary effect.
You will see that quite well, to put it mildly.
Exciting theories. We'll see then.
Suddenly the seriousness subsided.
I have to run very straight, but there was nothing about style.
Okay. Three, two, one ...
Here I come!
I can confirm that the capillary effect is present.
I am stuck.
So far I am at the bottom.
Yes! Shit ...
But now I float. And now I go.
Okay. Come on.
No!
He goes and goes. Oi! Now there's a bit of Titanic vibe here.
-Exhausting? -Yes a little.
Vegard, this was revolutionary. It worked very well.
You're good at taking us into it, -
-but you're almost halfway out in the Bogstad Lake. It's not easy.
Are you ready to score points?
Yes, and I judge from a total assessment-
-based on both method, length and effort.
And last place goes to you, Maria, -
- followed by Siri, who was notched in the heel.
In the middle of the tree, Calle.
I don't know why you're responding. The middle of the tree was well paid.
Bård? You gave Olli lots of trouble. You should get a plus in the book for that.
It will be second place, and the victory goes to you, Vegard!
Now we should clean up a bit, Olli.
I was thinking about taking a tour of your huge junk drawer.
I just have to see what lies here before I read the envelope.
Oi! Is there some kind of Kim's Game here now?
Yes, is it Kim's Game?
"Sort things out. Best system wins. You have ten minutes from now."
Sort things out?
I ate a lot of that as a kid.
There are 2-3 servings, but there is a good portion in here.
Best cold.
Atle, you have emptied your junk drawer and asked participants to create a system.
Do you think anyone can create a system you are happy with?
No.
But I didn't bother to do it myself, so I'll give them a try.
We can begin with the systems of Maria and Siri.
This is perfect for me and my autism.
Shall we take baby things ...
Food.
I want to sort the most feminine.
Pink. Most feminine.
Radio. That's if you're going to ...
-What is it? -A spider! No!
You ... I put it together with rusty stuff.
Things for the kids.
Helpers, things you should have at the cabin, and things to eat.
-Are you satisfied? -Highly satisfied with my own system.
This is also "man", for men can not cook.
-But what is this? -You wonder what it is?
It's just a grate, after all. But do you use a grate now anymore?
-When did you last grate? -Yesterday.
The system is the "women's struggle". There we have it.
Okay. So this is a woman-fighting feminist ...
- 1920s system. - Do you think Atle likes this system?
No, by no means. But it is not always important what Atle likes.
Sometimes I have to have dignity in these tasks, too.
And it was important to me that it was this system that came on the table.
Yes, Maria, how does this system work? I wonder.
Do I need matches,
- must I remember that it is less masculine than a radio, -
but more masculine than spaghetti à la capri.
Now I need a little respite, so now we go to advertising.
Welcome back. We continue where we left off.
- Shall we take a look at the brothers? - Let's do it.
Do you think I spend a long time looking at it? After all, analysis is important.
After all, I can only sort in cloth - not cloth.
-What are you doing now? -I group according to what I feel.
Light-related.
What do you call the system?
I don't know what to call it.
What an idiotic task.
I have to think about what Atle perceives as a system.
I'm struggling a little with these.
I think they are their own. Beauty and wellness.
Edible, that is, things to do in the kitchen, -
- things for the laundry room, stuff for the bathroom.
This should be in a drawer with light-related items.
- What do you call the system? - Have it tidy and know where things are.
Neatness system?
- I see you've worked. - Yes, I got it.
What a silly task.
For Atle, it's edible and inedible.
Not food. Food.
No need to stir up.
-It's not wrong. -Not at all!
Neatest system I've ever seen.
Rumbling it in my stomach, I walk in that door. If not, I'll take that door.
We have one left. Shall we look at Calle?
Burning things.
Sticky ... Most stuff.
This is the most spaghetti à la capri.
Plasticine is a finished mash after all. Baked beans ...
Mash. Like that.
And I'll take that to shattered things.
It didn't break, but so did the radio.
After all, the light bulb must shatter.
Like that. There, it was shattered.
Then it was the radio.
Broken.
We can also crush the chalk.
Yes, now it's broken.
Behind here we shall have shit.
Mashed, crushed, scrapped ...
Burned.
Takes some time ...
Then we have mashed, crushed, scrapped and ...
And ... burned.
I'm happy with the system, actually.
Satisfied with the wording in it.
"Oh yeah, you've made a mash-crush- burn-scrap system?"
- It works, yes. -Yes.
It is a disposable system. Because it only works once.
That's what the system is called that is important.
And that it's neat, and that's it.
-Have you decided? -Yes, I got it.
Vegard, your system requires me to get into your head-
and how you think. It is completely unacceptable.
It comes in last place, because I will never learn that.
Calle, you get second-last place, because I already have that system.
So I don't need it.
Siri, you are neat. Conventional and nice. Third place.
Then we have two places. I look at Maria. She doesn't understand the berry.
You've been so good at judging all the way, and so ...
You don't think you deserve to be where you are now -
but you come in second because you stand for something.
Your system means that I am constantly confronted with my attitudes.
Every time I find something, I have to look through my attitudes, -
and there is nothing better than that.
I realize it was pure luck, but it works, -
- so I'll give you a politically correct second place.
That means first place goes to ... Anyone want to guess?
Bård!
Then we will see how it looks after four tasks.
That's where Bård sneaks up. But it's pretty even.
And the last task happens here in front of the audience, you there at home and me.
Dear participants, take the stage.
Welcome to the stage. You have cups, plates and cutlery in front of you.
The task is relatively simple. It is the following:
In 30 seconds build the tallest tower -
and the tower must be built on your body.
- Did you understand? - Of course.
Ready? Three, two, one ...
Looking good.
-What did you say? On top of the body? -On the body, yes.
-We're halfway there. -Halfway?
- Say when there are ten seconds left. - I will do that.
You're great, Calle.
-There are ten seconds left. -No!
Nine, eight, seven, six, five ...
- God, so bad! -... four, three, two, one ...
No!
Yes.
Sorry, that's the worst I've seen.
I'm terrified. I dare not say anything.
You can take a count, Olli, and we'll summarize below.
Olli, you have a little summary?
Yes, it was a delicious chaos.
As I blew the whistle, a picture was taken.
There you are, the whole gang.
It is nice. Good picture.
Then I'll come with a verdict. One can see it in a way.
I really like, Siri, that you hope-
- that it is also important that it is a little high up.
I didn't remember if it was measured from the body or from the ground.
At least you didn't take any chances.
On your face, it looks like you're giving some fuck.
She looks at you and sees that she is at least taller than him.
Looks like Vegard is discovering for the first time that anything on the body can grow.
- Who are we? - It looks like this.
Okay, we have to reach a verdict.
It's easy to see that the last place is Bård, -
and the second-last one is clearly Calle.
-That's pretty smooth, but ... -It's in the middle of Maria's fall.
Yes, Maria gets third, Siri second,
and a clear first place for you, Vegard.
But let's ...
First, let's see what it looked like after four tasks.
There. Then we see that last place rises to first place.
Vegard, you win again!
You move from last place to first place on the last task.
That means Vegard is today's winner. The winner must go to the prize table-
and take this into account.
That's all we have for today.
The excitement around who wins my bust is alive.
Thanks for enduring. See you next week.
Original Norwegian Text:Espen Remseth Hovelsen www.btistudios.com