Welcome.
In this program, our regular comedians will solve high-level tasks-
-which I have created for the occasion.
The participants hope to walk away with the season's grand prize, -
- a bust of gold of me.
Those who can win this, as always, are Vegard Ylvisåker, -
-Maria Stavang, Bård Ylvisåker, Siri Kristiansen-
and Calle Hellevang-Larsen.
And Olli Wermskog, my dysfunctional dog as an official.
- Welcome, dear friend. - Thank you.
Are you going to put us in the first task quickly?
After all, you asked participants to bring an item to put in a pot-
-which the winner of the evening's program takes home for keeps.
What are you asking them to bring with them today?
I have asked you to bring something you want to get rid of, but that is not yours.
-Rhyme! [kvitt/rid - ditt/yours] -Bård. What do you have with you?
I have something that is not mine and that I am tired of.
I have an office full of things that aren't mine,
- including this picture.
-Is it your brother? -Have you seen something so ugly?
This is from when Vegard won "Bergenser [person from Bergen] of the Year" in 2013.
Someone drew a picture of Lilli Bendriss [73yo Norwegian TV medium] that they gave him.
Is there a picture of you, too, from the same year?
- The same year, yes. - So it's "Bergeners of the Year".
If someone from Bergen accomplishes something, they get the price.
-I haven't got it. -You have to get something.
-Yes. - We know that.
-But it's a neat start. - Up for grabs.
-Siri, what do you have in the bag? -I have a full golf set.
-Oi! -Gee.
This is supposedly from some of my husband's girlfriends.
It has been in the garage of the first and second house we lived in together, -
-and now it stands in the garage in the third house.
We move it with us further, but not home to the one who owns it, -
who lives right down the street.
He got so angry when I said I should bring it and give it away.
But he carried it into the car for me, because I'm the one who decides.
-Vegard, what have you got? -I have one thing here.
-I annoy me about it daily. -Oh well.
We moved into a new house a year ago, -
- and then my daughter has a doll house that was purchased quite a long time ago.
It's a pretty nice dollhouse-
which both she and her mother have a passionate relationship with.
-So your daughter is still using it? -No, but she likes to have it.
It's totally idiotic, but okay.
When we were to move it into the room of the respective children, -
- it didn't go in.
It does not go up into the loft or into the rooms, -
so there's always a new place.
In front of a drawer, in front of the washing machine ...
It just moves, so I say: "Can't we sell it on Finn?" [classified ads website]
"No, we want it." It annoys me.
- But now it's over. - Today I hope not to win.
-Did you say you brought it? -No.
There are very narrow doors if you don't get it in.
- About 40 centimeters. - No kidding.
I don't kid. We hope you get rid of it today.
Maria, what are you up to? -I have with me ...
-Oh, now I became an eastlander. -Goodbye.
I have something I want to get rid of -
and it's just these damn ...
Yes!
- I hate them! - You hate them, yes.
They are like this all over Oslo, all over Drammen and everywhere.
For a teenager, you are now very old.
-Do you pay per minute now? -Yes.
All my graduation money goes to it.
- We're missing one, Calle. - Yes.
- You know who. - Well, that's me.
I have included a gift my wife received.
- Very good start. - Yes, that's how it is.
She doesn't know about it, because she got it from a friend a week ago.
I do not understand what to do with it.
-This is a miniature pot. -No no no.
No no no.
What to do with it? What is it for?
It probably costs 700 kroner. [~US$77]
-Is it decoration, right? - Put them in there. It will be lovely.
It fits very well inside that house, then. It's perfect, after all.
Fårikål [Norway's national dish] for my house.
It's very snobby shot glass.
Le Creuset is just an umbrella, guys.
- It's just a manufacturer. - You see what it looks like.
I wonder if that's just where my job is to intervene.
- I think it was for five minutes. Since. - We continue in the program.
We'll hand out some points here. It was an astonishing new level.
Absolutely. I am impressed. I wonder if I should give ...
I have to start with last place. It is going to be hard. The scooter.
Think about it.
In any other competition you would have won, but here you lose.
- Would you say why? - Because the others are better.
The golf kit is expensive, but comes in second-last place. It says a little.
It can't trump the fraternity hatred between the Ylvis guys.
I understand so well. Want the photo back?
He doesn't want to see it himself. It comes in a reputable third place.
Second place ...
I have to give it to the house. It's a fantastic job.
After all, you are failing your daughter and everything.
I have no choice; I fire up as much as you do.
- We have a winner in Calle. - Yes!
He grabbed the first points. Can we get up the scoreboard?
-Calle is on top. -It's fine, yes.
We will embark on a new and exciting task, Olli.
- Go ahead. - We can do that, Atle.
Would you like to use the big bullseye in the garage?
Do we need it in this competition?
It had fit very well, that. It takes up a lot of space.
- How about some eggs, too? - Eggs are good.
Yes! I don't know what to do, but yes!
"Hit the bullseye with these eggs. The egg closest to the middle counts."
"The eggs must be thrown from the balcony. Broken eggs are disqualified. "
"You have 20 minutes, and the time starts now."
They will crush if I throw them away.
I know what to do. I need a rope and some kind of money bag.
- Rope and money bag there? - Yes.
You will need that. You can get that right away.
These are two of the things I use most.
- Olli. - Should I clarify the task?
The participants have three eggs. They should hit as close as possible.
The participants are thus on the balcony. And PS:
The eggs should not be crushed, and it is the last attempt that counts.
Can you just explain it a little more twisted?
-More twisted? -No, make it a little tidier.
Repeat this with the last egg crushed and such.
- What did you mean? -You seriously ask?
Yes.
If you throw one egg and it lands,
and you throw a new egg and it lands a little worse, -
- the last thing you throw counts.
Look there, yes. It wasn't that difficult.
- You made it. -Thank you.
- They've already done that, then. - Can I see Maria's ovulation [egg-solution] first?
-No no no. - It wasn't a pun.
- I want to see Maria's ovulation. - Don't say it twice.
Then we look at Maria's solution with eggs.
I have a plan, Olli.
I will attach the eggs to the balloons and send them to the finish.
- Did it break? - It's broken.
No. Then we just need a little more bubble wrap.
It's a winning tactic; I just have to aim a little better.
Let's see ... It didn't break.
My tactics were very good, but I didn't get it done properly.
The idea was good, but the execution was not.
There were no bullseyes, but at least you got an egg in play.
- Yes. - It's not bad, just that.
You can crush fast. You are in the competition.
-You are happy, are you? -Yes, I went there.
You're happy, are you? That's what I say.
-What? -I do not know.
-What team are you on? -I'm on yours. Some.
How far away do you think your egg was?
- One and a half? - It was three meters.
-I am leading. -Yes, that's impressive.
Should we see if Bård, Vegard or Calle can beat you?
The tactic is to go anal into this lion.
It can go fast, I think.
Now this suddenly became a fruitful little case with eggs and everything.
Yes? Have we spontaneously aborted, or?
- Was it far in? - As usual.
Commonly entered ...
No. It was crushed.
I have quite a lot of faith in this idea.
The challenge is of course to meet with the eggs in it.
I'm going to try and make a parachute.
It's almost so I think this had held.
Right now I don't have such a stupid feeling about this.
Yes. It works.
Like that. I think this should hold.
Then just throw the eggs.
It's longer than I remembered when I was down there.
Yes! One ...
- Too far. - Three broken eggs and time is out.
Competitive egg number one. Ready, done ...
-There. -The portion is here.
I'm happy, me.
Then we try on a slightly more encapsulated case.
We will still remain in the rectum.
It is common for racing cars to have bodies that absorb energy, -
-and that's what gets destroyed instead. So we take it outside.
Shit.
Is it omelet, or is it ...?
Yes! But I didn't hit the bullseye.
-No. -I did as best I could, Olli.
Yes ... Sometimes that is not good enough.
Sometimes it is not good enough even if you do your best.
-It's relatively well said, that. -Thanks.
Calle, have you ever jumped from the 5-meter and landed on your back?
-Yes. -Is it a soft and good landing?
No, but I'm not crushing.
- Bård, the egg landed 1.67 meters away. - Fantastic length.
Calle ... So you got applause for that.
Calle ... Three crushed eggs. So it became zero.
Vegard ... 14 cm from the center.
Ok ...
It will be hard to beat, but it is possible.
Yes. We can look at some eggs and purse.
I have an idea, I just have to find some kind of purse.
I think we do that, I do.
Okay, Olli ... You have to help me, you see.
You see where I stand now? The rope should go right over the dot in the middle, -
so you have to find an article in the jumble and tie it.
Take a small nudge in the rope to make sure it is safe.
There, yes.
I'm a genius!
Yes! I'll put it there, me. This is the best feeling.
-But... -Satisfied.
I've never seen you so happy before.
She was 7.5 cm from the bullseye.
-It means you've won. -Yes!
After all, we can take a look at the scoreboard after two solved tasks. Look here.
You go in the lead.
We move on.
What have you dug up from my treasure trove of crazy tasks?
Well, we can have a drawing competition, then.
It sounds pretty crazy, that.
I see something on the ground.
Oh well. Oh well...
"I'm a GPS tracker. You can turn me on and off with this switch."
"Best drawing wins. You have 20 minutes from now."
The only thing I come up with is what one always draws on the blackboard.
It is so fast to go to the penis.
The first thing to think about is the penis.
-That's the penis. -Penis.
A penis.
High five!
That's the first thing.
What a delicious heap of quality.
The rock carvings show what people have been doing for 50,000 years.
- It's the penis and again the penis. - It's a penis and a ship, that.
Is that right. But should we see how they actually look?
-Yes. -But...
-First... -A little bit of advertising, right?
Yes.
Welcome back. I'm excited over what the next task is about.
We are all that. Participants must draw a drawing on a digital map.
They should go around with the GPS tracker, and the drawing you like best -
- wins. I thought we could start with Bård and Vegard.
Here, in the sticky grass?
Can I have those boots?
Look, it's special effects.
See.
What should I draw to him that he will be happy with?
Vegard will try to draw Asterix.
Then I draw ... Asterix.
Helmet, helmet, helmet ...
He has started a bar after all called Meyers.
I mean they have an M-like logo. At least it can be used for anything.
I can take a ring around, then.
So, then I made a perfect circle.
Did you stand here, or did you move?
That's where I ran out. Therefore...
This got too wet for my taste.
Now I'm going to make an M inside the perfect circle.
I am pleased.
The hair, the eyes, everything that makes you special ...
I haven't seen it, but I asked them to print up a T-shirt.
Before showing it, do you want to see what it looks like?
- We have to see the results. - Here's yours, Bård.
Ol! -It's huge.
You have to say "oi", but if you put the list low enough, you get to the finish.
I am incredibly pleased with that M.
You've done your best. Can we also take a look at Vegard's?
Absolutely. We can look at it here.
-Yes. We can laugh. -But we can turn it around a bit.
Hi Hi Hi.
- A little help. -Yes, yeah, yeah.
Yes.
I'm not deeply impressed by the detail,
- but there was something there.
It's not so different from the way you draw Asterix.
That's where the level lies, yes. T shirt?
I asked the producers to print the logo-
- in case you want to go around with it as a kind of merchandise.
-I haven't seen it yet, but ... -God, yes!
God, yes. It’s one of a kind.
Thank you a lot.
- Great enough, even. - It was very nice.
I'm almost impressed. Almost.
It won't have anything to say when I assign the points.
- Get off when you're ready. -Now.
Then we can look at Maria and Calle.
Something erotic is always great to look at.
It's hard to shade and get the details out.
What's great, then? It killed?
A murder in the Viking Age. Or should it be a political message?
I want to draw Atle. I love him.
I want to pay tribute to Atle with my GPS drawing.
Now it's on.
I'm going to make a drawing that explains the offside rule.
I must at least have the square of the pitch.
No. Yes...
I draw my eyes. They are so pointed and full of love.
-He's a grandfather. -If I'm heading towards the midfield ...
Then we must go that way.
Pupil.
If I continue with the rest of the body, it will not be child-friendly.
A very offensive left back.
Here. Like that.
Then we have to create a split line.
On. Off. On. Off.
On. Off. Like that.
Am I allowed to pee?
Thank you.
Maria, you are very well placed.
-You make the list pretty high. -I'm good at drawing with GPS.
We'll see then. Because it's a portrait of me?
-Yes, that's what it was. -Your fine face.
- Shall we take a look? -We can do that.
It is you!
It's hard for me to call this a tribute.
It is abstract art.
It is the way you go when you have fucked up.
That's the way you go when you can't draw.
-Oh well. - Let's look at Calle.
The offside rule explained.
-Can you explain? - But did I bring the box home?
You forgot to turn it off.
On this basis, can you explain the offside rule?
Definitely. After all, I've managed to make a pretty nice football field.
Square, midfield circle, midfield and all.
What I missed is what is supposed to illuminate the 22 football players.
Eleven on each team.
The dotted line should represent the back man on the defensive team.
It is the attacking team that has the ball. Player...
At the same time, it must be a player on the attacking team-
- who is past the dotted line. -Y ou have to explain ...
Shut up when I talk!
Then it's a midfielder who centers that ball -
to someone behind the line. So he is offside.
- We have one left. -Yes. Very well explained, Calle.
We were a little wiser. Shall we take the last one, too?
Yes, we can. Let's take Siri.
I think ... Just to show that I've developed in the field of humor-
- on the long journey of life, I'll draw a limp penis.
Then I'll write "Leave it" over.
I'll start here.
Okay. Then we have “Leave it“.
If I just do that just to remember a starting point ...
Like that. It's the one ball. Then I start.
After all, they are usually not that big, so just not dangerous.
I twisted some grass to see where I went in to draw.
Now I can't find that point. That's right before I'm going crazy.
Here. No.
Then I have to make an emergency penis.
I get to make a really big flaccid penis, -
- so that the previous penis is just a ruffle inside.
Then it should be a slack giant penis here.
Then there is a small penis, also flabby, inside it somewhere, but ...
It's a giant penis with a small penis inside.
Then you have a slightly different use.
I am very happy that you took responsibility.
One in five must always draw a penis, and that was you. You took one for the team.
- I did. - Shall we take a look?
What I want to say first is that ...
You were told to make a drawing that I would like.
How did you know I love drawing penises?
-Do you know me so well? -Yes.
Let's look at it, then.
Perfect!
To the extent that it is a penis, at least it is not flaccid.
-Is that how it looks? -It depends on the direction.
-I see it the right way. -It says "Leave it."
Then there is a penis down right where it says "La".
There hang two balls, then there is a penis.
It is impressive to get the writing so good.
Now you have seen five more or less good drawings. What is the verdict?
It is generally low-level, but also high-level.
Amazingly enough, and this is perhaps surprising ... Bård is at the bottom.
You left the list insanely low. An M in a circle.
It's not my logo.
When you got it so good, you realize it wasn't hard.
You reveal yourself by going so low. Last place.
Let's see ... Maria. Once again in the bottom layer.
-Very exciting expression, but ... -You can get a T-shirt from me, too.
So you come in second-last place. Then it was you, then.
-Vegard, three points. -Thanks.
I think it was a good job when we put it right.
At the same time, I am very happy that I get three points.
Siri, you come in second place because of the letters, -
- but also because you took responsibility on behalf of this pubescent gang.
You took the penis on your robe. Good work, Calle!
I knew it was worth it.
But we have several tasks that will separate the chaff from the wheat.
-Now we should go down memory lane. -Yes. We can go ....
-Do you like those ‘90s videos? -What in general? Everyone?
-Yes. -Yes I have.
Fine. Then we can take a look at this.
From the 1990s.
Camera, letter ...
Make one believable America's Funniest Home Video.
"Best video wins. You have 20 minutes, and the time starts now."
-No. -America's funniest home video ...
Then there are a lot of kids and cats. Thick ladies jumping through trampolines.
It's Vegard's favorite show. He's going to go full throttle.
At best, this goes wrong and looks stupid.
I'm just going to make a video I've already made myself,
-but I should dress up a little, too.
Do we have a tarpaulin? Do we have soap?
Flames are always fun. Like that.
I make a video where I scare an assistant on the set, Kim.
Then I'll make a mask. I'm using this one here.
Now we get a real video.
We may not have to pretend, sometime. I think maybe ...
I think we got it, me.
America's funniest home video!
I am really looking forward to this, but first there will be some advertising.
Welcome back. Now I'm ready again, Olli.
They will make a credible "America's Funniest Home Videos" video.
I can't wait to see what you guys got.
I would turn down expectations a little. A little, just.
-I was there. -Okay! Oh well.
Let's start with Siri.
-This way. -No!
No no no.
- Should we look at more? - We look at Maria.
I'm will use myself as a bowling ball.
OK, I’m ready when you are!
Three, two, one, go!
That went exactly as I wanted.
I won!
- You can tick off most ... - It was a real mistake.
- It was. - Thought it would go a little further.
It was a home video and it was funny.
It's funny that your solution is to try something real.
It looked like every other competition you've been in here.
It's so beautiful.
Let's look at Calle, because nothing has been decided yet.
It's a grizzly bear monster!
I got you, son of a bitch! You were so scared, you shit your pants.
What you might not see through that mask -
- was that he was not scared at all.
- He was completely untouched. - At least he didn't know about it.
No. It is reduced to the fact that he did not know about it.
- At least it was real. - And the cake went two meters above him.
- Vegard? - Let's look at Vegard.
- Are you ready, Dad? - Yes.
Then we start.
Oh my god, this is so powerful. I feel, like, so dizzy right now.
-Now! -Okay.
- You are trying so hard. - That's how it should be done.
I've never seen anyone try so hard.
And gained so little.
- Last? - Absolutely the last.
Hi, Olli. Sorry I couldn't be at your 53rd birthday.
I’m going to celebrate here in Norway and, you know, gonna light you a candle,
like we always do. So, here goes. Happy birthday.
Happy birthday to you …
Holy fuck!
Holy shit! Fuck!
Oh my god. Mom!
Mom! Holy shit, man!
Oh my God!
Fuck!
It's believable, after all. But is it fun?
It's boring, I think.
- Have you seen enough to give a verdict? - Yes, definitely.
Today the last place goes to the one who tries the hardest.
- It does, Vegard. - I'm proud.
But you get to follow your brother in the last place.
You actually do. We have three positions left.
We've distributed the latest, nesting ... Then there is the third-last place.
- On the third-last you come, Calle. - It was, yes.
- Did you expect more? - No.
- Siri, you came in fourth place. - I'm very surprised.
You must be. It's so low on the rest -
that you came in second with your miserable video.
-It's almost the most fun. -Take it with you on the pallet.
The winner, ladies and gentlemen, is Maria in first place.
Should we see what it looks like after four tasks?
-I have one up. -It's even before the last task.
Then, as always, it's time for some more action here in the studio, -
in front of the auditorium, the viewers and not least in front of me.
Get on stage.
You've got ice balls in front of you and the tank tops are on.
You should take as many ice balls from the tub as possible and keep them up.
The one who is holding the most ice balls when I blow the whistle after 30 seconds, -
- wins. Three, two, one!
It's good time again.
Ten seconds left!
Nine, eight, seven, six -
- five, four, three, two, one and ...
- It was there. - Okay.
-Yes... -Can we let go now?
You can put the balls down behind the tubs.
- Back the tubs ... - They're mine!
Then we manage to count everyone except Maria’s. It will be fun.
- One was mine. - We'll have to take it at your discretion.
Count up, then you can sit down.
The points down there.
It was such a good job, I must say.
Olli, you have the final results.
Bottom ... It wasn't you, Maria.
We counted only three, but when we saw the replay, there were more.
Calle, you're at the bottom with six balls of ice.
Then there was a tie for third place between Bård and Maria with seven balls.
Second place, with nine ice balls, is Vegard. Siri, You had ten!
Let’s look at the scoreboard here.
Tonight's winner is Siri. So she wins today's prize.
You also bring the golf clubs back home. Congratulations.
It goes to the table, but anything can happen. See you again next time.
Thanks for now.
Original Norwegian Text:Sunniva S. Olsen www.btistudios.com