Welcome to Kongen Befaler, -
-where five of Norway's biggest clowns perform tasks-
-according to my design and my order.
After 10 programs, one of them will end up with our biggest award:
A bust in gold ... of me!
And by my side, we have Olli!
-Wow! I have to say ... -Oh well? Yes, thank you.
I had fucking forgotten you. I must say, I had forgotten you.
It was fun. What have you been doing since last time?
I've taken care of your house.
Yes, that's where I got you from.
- This is going to be fun. - New season with new opportunities, -
-and we have with us: Calle Hellevang-Larsen, -
-Maria Stavang, Mia Hundvin, Magnus Devold, -
-and Jon Almaas!
-Yes, Calle? -Hi! [comedian; appeared on Tonight With Ylvis]
You were in last season. I mean, remember, you were No. 2.
- That's right, actually. - What place are you aiming for this year?
This year I will try to be number two.
-Maria, you were last year ... -Hey, Atle! [comedian; social media star aka Piateed]
-How old are you now? -I'm 25 years old!
You're here because you failed last time.
-I think it was last place. -I checked, and that was it!
Magnus Devold, newcomer. Nice to see you. [comedian; appeared on Tonight With Ylvis]
Do you want to call yourself handy?
Do you want to say you have self-insight?
No, no.
Mia Hundvin! [Olympic handball player]
Very nice to have you here, I must say.
- That *you* actually have to say. - I think it's nice, -
-mostly because this is the first time we’ve have a world champion present.
It takes to fight at the top. What are your ambitions here?
I have not won anything significant since 2002, so I look forward to this.
Finally, Jon Almaas. 71º North-Jon, as he is called. [Host of Norwegian version of HIGNFY]
Reality-Jon, you're also called. What I have heard most is sippe-Jon.
Do you think there will be a lot of sniveling here, too?
Yes, it can happen quickly.
You saw the rush in 71 Degrees North.
Every single episode, of the ones I saw, at least.
-Now I scroll through very quickly -Imagine they cut it off.
It dripped just one tear in one second of the last episode.
But that was all I saw.
We are not here to chat; we have to move on.
- We're getting started! -Absolutely.
Shall we start with the first task?
Do you want to give a little hint about what tonight's task is about?
First task: Bring a collection. Best collection wins.
The bonus is that these things go into the pot, -
-which the winner of tonight's program takes away at the end.
We can start right away. I wonder who we should start with ...
You know what? Calle must begin.
OK, I've brought a collection that seriously ...
Which I have seriously started in the last four years.
The last two years I was good, and there are parking fines.
This is an excerpt from 2018 to date.
-From 2018? It's only a couple of years, yes. -36 pieces.
Here is the latest addition. Unpaid, they are a little more valuable.
-They are worth around 900 [~US$94], aren't they? -Yes.
-It was a nice collection. -Yes.
How about you, Magnus? What do you have with you?
I have something I got from my grandparents.
-So touching. -The nicest collection I have.
And that is the DVD of Atle Antonsen’s Best Bits. [2009 compilation]
"Probably this collection represents my golden years as a comedian."
This is a bit twisted, because it is after all *my* collection.
-Yes... -I understand you're proud of it.
Mia, what do you have with you?
I'm not so collected by myself.
So I went for a collection; it's also a kind of gathering.
You know when you ... No, you don’t know.
When competing in the Olympics, I was about to say.
I did not mean! When you are in the Olympics, you get a suit, -
-then all the countries march in. I have the suit from 2000.
And it's as ugly as the rucksack.
- Wow! - But at the same time very nice.
- It looks like it's from 1982. - Little nurse.
And completely chalk white. Are they skirts or wide pants?
- You thought I was done now, right? - No.
The collection comes with a toiletry bag, the backpack, -
-Like that, and ... -A hat?
... this hat here.
- Crocodile Dundee! - Did this one belong in that outfit?
- Typical Norwegian Crocodile Dundee hat. - Yes, it was in Australia.
Damn dad, I'm glad I wasn’t asked to compete in the Olympics.
So if I was good at the Olympics, would I have gotten it there?
No, then you would have won a gold medal.
It's reasonably complete, and it's a collection.
-Jon, what are you bringing? -Yes, I have a collection.
These are things I found in containers as a child.
A complete collection of ...
When you press this button, sound comes out of it.
-But what do you call the collection? -Jon’s electronics collection.
Snappy.
But still; you forgot this was a contest.
You drowned a little in the fascination with your good old things.
-I think it's a bell. -When you die, your children inherit this.
Otherwise you lose it to one of the others.
-It was sitting there. -While you're in the boys' room with it, -
-maybe we can go to you, Maria. What do you have with you?
-Should I let them hold on? -I'm transferring to Maria ...
Can we give her attention?
Yes, I was just working on this relay.
Or "rellé" as you think it is.
-Maria, what do you have with you? -I also have a collection, -
-I've been doing it since I was little.
It's all my baby teeth in a vial of liquor.
-All of them?! In alcohol? -There weren’t that many.
Yes, because then they don’t rot. The last tooth came well last year.
But haven’t you exchanged some for money?
-No! -That's the point.
-I wanted them myself. -It's over 100 kroner [~US$10] you keep.
We can buy ice cream afterwards.
In the present value, the same as when you were little.
- Did you only have eight teeth in 25 years? - I don’t want to talk about that.
-Yes, I have to give some points. -The first points of the season.
-Should we give my collection last place? -No, your own collection?
Not because it's not good. It is drivingly good.
It is and will be *my* collection!
Otherwise you understood the task correctly, but at the same time completely wrong.
Well thought out and easily done.
-And it was kissing ass. -And ass-kissing, yes.
Baby teeth are so bizarre and far out on the plateau that it gets the penultimate place.
-But a broken bell? -It's a relay we’re talking about.
Don’t get him started.
It was close between you, that is as far as he gets the third place.
For this collection?
Mia gets second place, and first place goes to Calle!
Then we can see the points right away.
Calle has five points.
We are going to joy, to frustration and to anger, -
-spiced with a little delicious hatred.
-These are my favorite tasks. -We can start by throwing some things.
Yes! ... No!
No, now ... wait a minute.
Throw something in the blue bucket.
Throw something in the blue ...
... the bucket. You must be on this side of the rope during the entire ... task.
Fastest wins.
The blue bucket? Where's the blue bucket?
The task is to throw something in a bucket that is on the other side of the hedge-
-as fast as possible.
I hear your question, Atle. They can throw whatever they want.
Is there anyone you would like to start with?
Isn't it nice to start with the youngest, then?
Yes, Maria. OK.
I'm just going to get something.
Is it coming through?
There it is! Mother ...
I'm just going to get something I can throw far.
A ball of some kind.
Oisann. There!
Watch out, Olli; I'm not so steady.
Did I hit it?
-Yes, it was a nice throw. -Yes?
I would say I'm really happy with it.
Well, it ...
Yes, Atle. Now you must be proud, Dad!
I'm very proud of you, my girl.
But I'm probably not as proud as you are.
Are you aware of what I have achieved?
I love that every time you succeed with something, you are so surprised.
- "I succeed with something! Wow!" - I got something up something else!
-It was impressive. -Thank you, the whole audience got up.
I think it's impossible to beat; there's no point in showing anything more.
-It’s scored on time. -Oh yes.
- Do you want the time? - Yes.
Four minutes, four seconds.
One try, and you managed to spend 4 minutes and 4 seconds?
- Shall we look at some more? - Yes, we shall.
Let's look at Magnus, Jon and Mia.
Let’s.
I'm pretty good at throwing.
Yes, it is.
OK, I'll be back.
Precision is important here.
-It was in the bucket, it. -Must stay in the bucket.
I should probably throw something else, but I can’t think so fast.
It is difficult when everything has different weights.
There.
-It's third. -They bounce out again.
Then we'll take your lunch.
Yes, stop the time. There were two grapes.
Annoying.
It is possible to just take this rope here ...
... a little closer. Like that.
-There are five up, yes. -Five up, but they bounce out.
There, stop the clock!
Geez, with bounce!
-Not bad. -It was so impressive.
I would like you to elaborate on the technique and process leading up to the throw.
The process leading up to the throw was a wheelbarrow-
-with lots of useless things, I only took what was on top, -
-a plank, so I just threw it. This was 100% random, Atle.
That was exactly what we saw.
-Yes, exactly. -But there are more left.
Do you want your times first?
I want the times first.
Magnus: 5 minutes, 24 seconds. Not bad.
-Jon beats Maria. 3:41. -What?!
Pardon!
Mia: 8 minutes and 10 seconds. You cost yourself.
Then we can take a look at the last man, Calle.
Yes, there's the blue bucket.
I have decorative stone.
Can you move a little more, Olli?
Here it comes!
Like that, done. Stop the clock.
Stop the clock.
If anyone did it faster than me, I'm disappointed.
28 seconds. Two, eight.
28 seconds, Jon. He basically used the same equipment as you.
Yes, but in a slightly less elegant way, I dare say.
-But a smarter way. -Yes, it was a victory.
-It was smarter, no doubt about it. -It means that after two rounds, -
-we have the following scores.
-Not bad. Calle leads. -Fantastic. Calle leader, -
-but Jon is in a good second place.
All chances are still open to win, it's even.
Olli, I now notice that I want to get to know better ...
...not you,-
-but your family. I can see how it went as it went.
Then I know where you want to go.
- Hi. - [In Finnish:] Hi.
No, no ... are you talking wrong?
This is Olli's third cousin, Henna. She is from Finland.
I had an affair with my third cousin before I knew we were, -
- but did you fool around? - [In Finnish:] No.
Find out the following things about Henna:
Her favorite dish, what she likes to do in her spare time ...
-... her biggest phobia ... -... what kind of job her mother has.
Henna knows Norwegian, but can only communicate in Finnish.
You have ten minutes from now.
The participants will thus find out some information about Henna.
She understands Norwegian, but can only answer in the language of the thousand lakes, Finnish.
The one who manages the most before time runs out is the winner. That's how it is.
This sounds very exciting, and I'm looking forward to it, but first;
- we should enjoy an ever so small break!
We’re back, and now we’ll see our five participants sharpen their skills in Finnish-
-when they try to extract information from Olli's third cousin, Henna.
What is your favorite dish?
I can speak Norwegian, of course.
-What is your favorite dish? -Macaronilaatikko.
-Macaroni ... -Macaronilaatikko.
... laddiko.
-With Macaroni? -[In Finnish:] Yeah.
-With something else? -[In Finnish:] No.
-Macaroni meatballs! -[In Finnish:] No.
-Macaroni with sausage. -[In Finnish:] No.
-This laddiko part ... -[In Finnish] Box.
-Is it cheese? -[In Finnish:] Yes, cheese goes on top.
-Yogurt? -[In Finnish:] No, no.
Ei is yes? Ei is no.
-Bird? Chicken? -[In Finnish:] No.
-Is this a Finnish dish? -[In Finnish:] No.
- Reindeer? Moose? Macaroni and elk? - [In Finnish:] No.
You put the macaroni in the oven with cheese on top.
-Macaroniform. -[In Finnish:] Yeah.
What kind of job does your mother have?
-Sairaanhoitaja. [Nurse.] -Saranghøydaja?
-Is it care? Economy? Care? -[In Finnish:] Yeah.
-Nurse? -[In Finnish:] Yeah.
Nurse.
-She is a middle manager in an IT company. -[In Finnish:] No.
-What are you afraid of? -[In Finnish:] I’m afraid of spiders.
Hemahakkit. Spiders.
-[In Finnish:] Yeah. -Yes!
-Hämähäkkejä. -Spiders.
-Spiders? -[In Finnish:] Yeah.
If I take my eye? Yes!
Takes me by the eye. She did not like that.
- You go for it? -She turned around when I did.
-What do you like to do in your free time? -Matkustaa. [Travel.]
Matkoste. [Food costs.]
-Koste mat. [Cost food.] -[In Finnish:] No, no.
-You like ... knitting! -[In Finnish:] No.
At least you don’t knit. All right.
Bussilla tai junalla. [By bus or train.]
-Junalla? -Tai lentokoneella. [Or by plane.]
Lendokonella?
-Does it begin with A? -No.
-Does it begin with B? -No.
-C, D, E, F, G, H, I? -No.
-J, K, L, M, N, O, P? -No.
What's after P?
-Are there many who do it? -Yeah.
- Does it have anything to do with Mummy? - No.
- Do you have clothes on? -Yeah.
You did that.
-So you fly? You like to travel. -Yes.
[In Finnish:] By bus, train, car, or foot, or by plane.
-And you do it almost every day? -No. -Once a week? -No.
-Once a month? -No.
No?
How much time, Olli?
Fifty seconds left. -I’m sweating.
Is it a hang glider? Is there anything going up in the air?
[In Finnish:] Could be. Perhaps.
-Ten seconds left. -Is it skydiving?
No.
Time’s up.
Now you can thank yourself for not being able to do this anymore.
No one knows what you want.
-Kyllä ne muut tiesi. [The others knew.] -Cooler mottis.
She says the others knew it. Figures.
The others understood that?
It's natural to go to you, Jon.
It's hard to hear that everyone else understood.
Yes, it is ...
-What can this mean, then? -What do you like best: "Travel a little”?
You've never heard of that?
-No one has it as a hobby. -You mean,-
-You say she's mistaken? -She has to go by herself.
It's neatly defended, but it doesn’t help at all.
-But we have points to hand out. -Yes, I enjoyed food.
-Yes, you who understand it all. -I had extra fun.
The one with by far the weakest speech or reasoning ability, -
- It was Maria.
Managed to guess only one. The mother's job was as a nurse.
You got it; so did everyone else.
It is last place for you, followed by Mia next to last.
-She managed two. -What?! Pardon.
Yes, I'm sorry, but ...
Are you surprised that you managed so much?
She said yes to at least four. I knew I had 4 out of 5 there.
It's because you think “ei” means yes. That's not right; it's the opposite.
Jon and Magnus end up in shared second place, -
-while in first place, who can it be with a full pot?
The only one who managed to guess everything she likes to do.
- It was Calle! - Fantastic!
- Satan! - That's how it can go.
It's time for a new task, -
-and this I must say I look forward to. What are we going to see now?
We will take a look at something we almost never get to see on this program.
Elegance, discipline and horse.
-Good evening... -I like the style.
I think you want me to think Sherlock Holmes.
-I think a little more Truls Svendsen. [comedian] -Properly, yes.
Create the most impressive show-jumping show.
A show-jumping show.
Create the most impressive show-jumping show.
The show starts in 30 minutes.
Goodbye. Good bye.
As you read, here it’s about making-
-the most impressive show jumping show.
You, Atle, decide who impresses you the most.
I want to see it right away. Who's out first?
I thought we could start with M&M.
-Mia and Maria. -No...
I've never seen show jumping.
Is it when you ride like that?
I'm the horse. Maybe I'm a sexy horse.
Is it sexy?
I have to make an impressive course.
Oh, damn it!
Do we have cigarettes? Sexy ladies smoke.
Is it a horse? Is it a little horse?
30 minutes have passed. Ready, set, go!
Play some sexy music.
The doll station ...
Was that the obstacle? You touched the horse?
-Yes, it was a bit like that ... -Great!
-Are you done? -Yes.
Where should I start?
What were you doing, Mia?
What is this?!
-What was this for? -You saw your show jumping.
- Yes, I said show jumping. - That's the dumbest thing I've ever done.
I want to compare my path with Maria's. I had real items.
Are you saying that my teat station is not an element?
We can go on your things, Maria, I must say:
You take away everything I value in good show riding.
When were people really doing show jumping to get horny?
I worked at Bergen trotting park for 11 years, and I promise there are some.
I thought we would take ... If it's okay with you?
-There are more, yes? -Yes, that we take a look at Magnus.
He chose a slightly different solution.
Now I got the faith.
And time’s up.
-I'm ready. -Where are you?
I'm behind the hedge.
You've had half an hour. Two bucks.
The most impressive thing here is my costume.
-Please, I'm ready! -Then I start now.
There is a blind horse that will complete this race.
Father ...
A suitcase?
-You chose a blind horse. -Even more impressive.
If you managed the obstacles and did not overturn the fence, it could be impressive, -
-but you behaved exactly as expected of a blind horse.
-Then it will not be so impressive. -But blind horses are also beautiful.
Why was it important to you that it should be blind?
Because I did not have time to cut holes for my eyes.
-It's Calle and Jon again. -I want to see that.
-Are you not tired after these three? -Yes, I'm a little tired.
I take a break and reset, then we'll be back.
Welcome back, we are served an ever so small show jumping show-
-of hopefully impressive caliber.
Yes, let's look at the horse girls with the Penny Club [horse-themed book club], Jon and Calle.
I'm not going to run around here and jump obstacles. It’s not going to happen.
Horse. It's going to be me.
We have to get some obstacles; that's what the show is about.
It will be a kind of puppet show.
I play the role of horse, and horses eats hay.
-Olli! -Yes?
It's clear.
This is the horse. It's called Victors Thomson.
Are you ready? You're welcome.
Then we’re ready for the last participant in the show jumping competition.
It's Victor Thomson.
The first obstacle is the trunk crack.
Victors Thomson is approaching ...
... and slides clearly over the suitcase crack.
... and then the life-threatening water obstacle.
Victors Thomson hesitates!
He backs away to pick up more speed.
This is allowed, to go back.
Victors Thomson is approaching again, -
-and there...
... good clearance over the water obstacle, the best we have seen so far.
Then it's just the saw left.
Jumps, gets good height, but ...
... has he calculated incorrectly?
He ends up on his crotch! No!
It will probably be the last we see of this horse in obstacle races.
This is completely maltreated.
Victors Thomson must be put down.
I want to start with you, Jon. I want to know how you think.
Running around like a horse, -
- it's under Jon Almaas' dignity, -
-but to buzz around with a cardboard doll while the chatter goes in a single run, -
-are within what reality-Jon can do.
-No, that ... -You have to set boundaries, Jon!
I've seen myself on film before.
-As a horse? -No, not as a horse.
But I've seen myself on film, and I know that-
-a 53-year-old man going around and jumping over obstacles, -
-is never going to be spectacular, no matter what.
Isn’t that what 71 Degrees North is all about?
Calle? I have to say it was impressive.
And Maria, who was going to gamble on sex, you have a lot to learn from Calle.
There it was possible to feel it a little bit.
It nibbled at something in me.
Five exciting candidates, it’s challenging to define losers here, -
- but we'll take you on board, Mia. - What?
Are you surprised? Now you act surprised.
-No, I do not do that. -You are in last place, that is.
Who will be driving in the next place? It’s difficult.
Wondering if we should pick Magnus ...
Was I worse than that? You can’t mean that.
You weren’t very sexy.
No, but you weren’t either, Maria.
But you tried to get away with it.
The cheapest trick in the book.
Sometimes it's better than something even worse.
-It was a third place for Maria. -At the teat station.
I know you're surprised, Jon. You came in third with that rail there.
Calle is the winner of this competition as well.
It's even.
There are many points to be reaped, and today's last task-
-as always, as you already know, -
- happens here in the studio! In front of the audience! Get on stage!
You stand with a letter, Mia. You can open it and read.
-Thank you. -You're welcome.
"Read Atles' thoughts.
You must stand one by one at Atle-
-and guess whether Atle has presented a picture of a horse or a camera.
As soon as you say wrong, you're out.
Most right wins."
Mia, you're in last place. You should get the honor of going first.
Camera.
Yes!
Camera.
Hell!
That was one right; you can sit down.
-Magnus, your turn. Good luck. -Thanks.
Horse.
It was a horse.
-It was a horse, that's right. -It was a horse.
-One right for you. -It was a horse.
Can you do more than Mia?
Camera.
It was a camera.
Camera.
It was a horse.
You can also go and sit down, Magnus. Maria.
Hi, Dad!
I think it's a tiny horse you have in front of you there.
-Yes! -A real one.
I think you have a tiny horse in front of you.
Two right.
You can’t fool me.
Because I think you have a tiny horse in front of you.
Three right.
I think you have a tiny horse in front of you.
-Yes! -Four right.
Four ... shit.
Could it be a small, tiny giant, -
-horse in front of you?
Five right.
Impressive.
Look at me. Look at me.
Can it be a -
- tiny tiny little camera in front of you?
- I could only walk. - That stopped it.
Jon, please.
Are you thinking of something now?
You blinked.
-What can it mean? -It could mean it's a camera.
One right.
-What can that mean? -It can mean a lot.
It could mean you blinked because it's a camera.
It could be that you're trying to fool me, and that it's a horse.
It may be that it's double cheating.
That's what I think. I think it's a camera.
Triple ring.
You can sit down, you managed one.
Great, now it's Calle again. You have 20 points so far.
If you manage to win this one, you have the maximum score.
Horse.
Fa ... don’t laugh!
We have a combined score and a winner.
Just to congratulate Calle!
You are tonight's winner of the competition.
You walk away with everyone's favorite collections, -
-you get your own tickets back. Plus jerk and rattle someone will miss.
Calle is leading after the first program.
We have just started, and anything can happen.
We are back next time with new tasks and new points, -
-but the same five clowns.
Thank you so much for tonight!
Norwegian text: Robert Dahl-Olsen www.iyunomg.com