No!
“Kilpisjärvi, Have You Been There?" [Tiny village in far northern Finland]
Welcome to Kongen Befaler, -
the program where five jugglers try to impress and enchant the king-
-by solving tasks in a good, medium, or miserable way.
The winner after ten programs gets to marry a bust in gold, -
-of me!
The jugglers' names are Maria Stavang, -
-Calle Hellevang-Larsen, -
-Jon Almaas, -
-Mia Hundvin-
and Magnus Devold.
Yes.
But this program doesn’t run by itself.
That is why you are here, by my side, my good helper and companion, -
-who can measure both on land and on water, -
Olli Wermskog!
You need to get a little applause. Yes, that’s enough!
Now we have to get started.
We'll have tonight's first task.
What were they supposed to bring today?
They should bring something with them that increases the owner's chance of sex.
That’s very spicy.
-It's your task. -I know.
I'm a little piquant.
Who are we going to start with?
I'm wondering if we should start with you, Magnus.
- Yes. Then I’ll get up. - You have to get up? Oh well.
I have this with me! [“MEAT”]
Yes.
That's impressive. "Meat".
Are you specifically aiming for a specific target group?
It is a clear and distinct message. "Meat". It's in my apartment.
That's a clear message, isn't it?
Yes, if you have first managed to force someone there.
It shines very brightly out on the street as well.
- So people ring the doorbell? - They don’t ring it so often ...
Good start.
What about you, Calle?
What do you have that increases the possibility of a small pinch?
-So, I have ...
-What? -Pinch.
-You have to keep up all the time. -Always on.
I have thought a lot about this task. I thought it was difficult.
But I have gone for the most obvious, -
-because I thought they were also going to think and crack about this.
So I simply have cash with me.
And not just any cash.
- It's dollars. - It's dollars, yes.
They can be used anywhere.
In Norway, there are many places that take dollars.
Africa, Thailand ...
-It can be interpreted in several ways. -In what way?
I thought it was obvious.
-How do you get a session ... -Access?
You can buy a "Meat" sign.
You need to learn the preference of the person you want to have sex with.
-Buy gifts? -For example.
-You’re damn chatty, then. -Yes, sorry.
Maria, what are you up to?
I'm a little embarrassed.
- Are you embarrassed? - Yes, a little.
I've never seen you embarrassed before, so that's good.
I came into the world because Mom and Dad had sex.
It’s the most beautiful thing that two who are happy with each other can do ...
You go straight into teaching.
Don’t forget that.
What I have with me that increases the chance of sex is Asan.
So if a man has it, you think it's great.
-But what if I win? -Oi.
- Does it increase my chances? - It works that way, too.
Do men like it?
It takes away things that make it less attractive to have sex.
I like dirty women best.
Dirty at heart.
It's brilliant.
You get clean genitals ... Oh no, now I said it!
You should be allowed to sit there and be embarrassed, then we go over to Mia.
- Do you have anything to be embarrassed about? - It's embarrassing to talk about sex.
-No, it’s not. -Yes, if my kids are watching.
But it’s the most beautiful thing ...
I have brought ... No nonsense. It's not something I pretend to be.
I have brought a surfboard.
-Oi, a surfboard? -Yes.
-Can I demonstrate? -Yes. You're welcome.
There is a hierarchy here. Don’t go for that longboard.
Magnus, my stallion ...
Can you come here?
And then you usually go to the edge of the stage.
This is Mangus common. Pretty stylish type.
Magnus?
And then you have to remember to hold it properly, like that.
And now, Magnus, be so good.
Only the “Meat” sign under the arm could beat it.
It gets a lot heavier.
Very good, Mia.
-But you, what does such a thing cost? -Don’t worry about that.
I get the point.
-Over to you, Jon. -Yes.
I have brought with me something that I am pretty sure will increase ...
-It looks long. -Yes.
It increases the chance of having sex.
Don’t hold it that way, then!
It increases the chance of getting some of the most beautiful thing between two people.
It definitely increases the chance that the most beautiful thing that can happen can happen.
- Do you just have to find it? - I don’t understand what happened.
- Did you tape it tight? - No.
- Did you create a system that doesn’t work? - No.
Like that. It works.
- It's a sign. - Oh yes.
Which one can wear around your neck-
-when you are traveling, an evening in the city, or in the woods.
And on that sign it says:
"I have sex with anyone, for free!
I’m into everything! Anytime."
And then it also says, for the avoidance of doubt, "front and back".
Ok. Perfect.
There are many fine things here. I absolutely think so.
Have you arrived at any score? A winner?
I guess I have. I'm wondering if ...
I think I have to disappoint dollars and put dollars last.
Not because it doesn’t work, but because so many people do it.
- Doing what? - And those with the most dollars win.
- Doing what? - Doing, er, having bucks.
And the more you have, the more chances you have.
So there will be one point for you. Sorry.
Maria, you get two points. It's no more. No less either.
Then there were the three of you. It was very close here.
I find it difficult.
I think I will give “Meat” three points.
I love it, but I envision complications.
You get three points.
Jon gets four points, and Mia gets five points.
Well thought out.
This means that Mia gets five points. It is nice.
And now I would like to see a task with nerve.
With excitement and with drama.
- Yes. Look at this. - We'll have to look at that.
"Smuggle out the gate as much as possible without Olli seeing you.
You must stay on the lot during the task. Ready, set, smuggle.”
Getting past Olli becomes difficult, because he spins quite fast.
One tactic is to walk right next to him.
The first thing I think is always to throw.
Olli? No, he's not going to see me.
Ok, I have an idea.
The task is to smuggle out the gate as much as possible, -
-without being seen.
Who is the watchful lord? Is there anyone I know?
Yes. That gentleman is sitting here.
-Shall we see the first participant? -Yes.
-Who should we take first? -The ladies first.
Okay, then let's look at the ladies first.
Now I'll throw as many things as possible through the gate.
That's a good idea, Maria. Very smart.
I just have to see where he is.
Yes.
Hehe!
Now I just have to aim between the gates.
No.
I can pick up afterwards.
I must not hit Olli.
Oi. I must not hit Olli.
I'm taking one more thing. It's so fun.
Ok.
Olli.
Oi!
I hit Olli.
I need to get a little closer, I think.
No. Shit!
Yes...
I got a little through, then.
-I saw you. -Yes, I understood that.
Oh, fuck.
Oh no!
Well, fuck. No.
You had a bit of the same type of tactics.
But Mia, you managed just a little more than Maria.
You're leading so far.
But we have both better and worse solutions than this.
-Do you want to see? -I want to see the good solutions first.
- Shall we look at you then, Magnus? - No, I don’t think so.
Exactly right.
I think we'll take a look at Calle and Jon.
Nothing is cooler than smuggling an ax, so I'll start with that.
Then we may have to be a little quiet.
I have to crawl.
Like that.
Then we take the first load.
I'm taking another load.
I see you up in the tree.
-Yes, you do? -Yes.
I saw your head.
-No. -Yes.
Yes, yes. I'm happy. Thank you.
You have to be impressed by people who put so much work into it.
-Jon, this was impressive. -This was not a lot of work.
I have learned this from some gardeners. This is how they transport garden waste.
Then I'm sorry I bragged about you.
-It's the easiest way. -Don't get so angry then, Jon.
I am gentle and committed!
I'll be more negative next time.
This is the most beautiful thing you can do when transporting things on the lot.
It was a solid piece of work.
You were fine, Calle, but it's fading Jon Cruise here.
This was "Mission Impossible". It doesn’t get much better than this.
-Or does it? -That remains to be seen.
-We have ... -Yeah, right!
What are we laughing at? We haven’t seen the feature.
You don’t know how it went.
I have no idea. This can seem like harassment.
-I have faith in you, Magnus. -You should not have that.
Shall we take a look at Magnus?
I'm thinking of covering myself with the blanket, so I won’t be seen.
I think this is the right way. I dare not look.
Isn't it this way?
No!
I saw you.
-How did you see me? -I saw the rug.
-A flying blanket, you saw. -I saw you smuggling something.
I must have missed that.
Magnus, can I ask you what the long-term plan here was?
Yes, you can.
My plan was to go straight to the source, I was about to say.
I wanted to lock Olli in with the blanket, -
-so his hole was covered.
He would spin around blindly while I could carry the whole house out.
You forget I have arms. I could have tipped it behind.
Yes.
-Exciting. -But it was a plan.
-Shall we see the results? -Yes.
Magnus, you came last. Surprising.
Maria is next to last.
It was close between Calle and Mia, on second and third.
-And Jon, first place. Congratulations. -Thanks.
This is the position in total after two tasks.
Yes, it is completely close at the top, and close at the bottom.
There are many points to play for, so anything can happen!
-We have to move on to the next task. -Yes.
Now comes a task that is sour and unmanageable.
That reminds me of someone.
“Make the tallest lemon tower. You have eight minutes.
Time starts now.”
Ok.
Lemon tower ...
It's pretty tall already. I can probably get it even higher.
It doesn’t get easier.
Build a lemon tower. The tallest wins.
How they solve this, we will see after a short break.
Welcome back to Kongen Befaler.
Participants must build a lemon tower.
I wonder if we can start with someone who did badly.
Properly, properly shitty, sort of. Real, real shitty.
- Do we have any like that? - Yes, we have.
We have someone who does it properly shitty.
-Yes, we have that. -I want to see that.
-Now. -Yes...
-Yes, now already! -Calle and Mia.
Using aids is allowed. I must not build it in here.
I don’t know exactly what I'm doing now.
I don’t know what I'm doing.
If I build a wall ... the large ones must be at the bottom.
I have a sore on my finger that the lemon juice flows into.
You have looked at Mesternes Mester [TV show] and stuff.
Shit. This happens on Mesternes Mester as well.
40 seconds left.
Now I think it cracked.
15 seconds.
-10 seconds left. -That’s it.
5 seconds. 4 ...
-Oh, it was moldy. -Three, two, one. Time.
Before we go into anything, -
-I just want to say that what they have built is lower than the starting point.
Both would benefit from not touching the basket at all.
It's more of a pile than a tower.
-Calle’s tower, 40 cm. -Oi.
Mia’s tower, 52 cm.
14 and 2 cm lower than the starting point, respectively.
Then we can see the rest of the gang.
-Oh, knife. -Yes, to see now.
I have a plan. If I ... Ow! That went well.
If I do that ...
I thought I would stiffen up the lemons.
They become easier to stack if a rod passes through.
Can't I just thread them on?
Do you understand what you are witnessing here?
I have to use the floor, because this will be too high.
It is probably a tradition in one country or another to make lemon sticks.
-I guess it's in Finland. -No.
I have only been to Finland once, all the way up north.
-Kilpisjärvi, have you been there? -Yes.
It wasn’t so nice.
-Two minutes left. -I'm going crazy.
No!
Now the stick begins to feel it.
Oh, shit.
-Time’s up. -No.
Then we spin it around there.
It was not exactly short, that lemon tower.
Then I welcome you, my lemon tower.
- Can I take it home? - You're welcome.
Then it will be lemon for dinner.
Don’t keep them waiting.
I can announce the results.
Let’s see. Maria's tower was 70 cm.
-Are you kidding? -No, I don’t do that.
It’s absolutely right.
-Magnus’ was 1 meter and 30 cm. -Oi.
And Jon's tower was 1.42 meters.
In other words, you run away with five points.
What?
Next task, it's completely in my spirit.
Yes. You live in a nice house, so it should make sense-
- that your birds will live in equally nice houses.
Shit.
-Hi. -Hey hey.
Is it going well?
It's going well. And with you?
Right.
"Make a bird box out of the plank-
-by dividing it, assembling it and making a hole for the bird.
One point for each of the operations you solve with a unique tool.
If you use the same tool as another, you get zero points.
You have 20 minutes. Time starts now.”
Yes.
Ok.
It's okay with varied procedures-
-to avoid wear and tear and similar, boring bird houses.
Should we start with the first operation, which was to split the plank?
Yes.
Ok.
It's just a matter of hitting a point ...
I've hit a plank like that before.
Shall we see, then ...
Grinding machine.
It’s possible that not many people will use it.
I can make a saw out of the grinder.
What is this?
If I had been imprisoned and this was the way to get out, -
- I would have come out after six or seven years.
I see that there are saws here.
It’s tempting to use them to split the plank.
But there are others who will think that way.
That is, zero points, so there is no point.
Unless everyone thinks that, and nobody uses a saw.
I don’t think there are that many who will use saws.
Everyone thinks that you shouldn’t use a saw.
Maybe everyone has thought that they shouldn’t use a saw?
Here is a saw and an ax, the two obvious candidates.
So far, things are not going so well.
I weigh 80 kilos.
Yes!
I'm unique!
I am a unique tool.
Now it's coming.
Now it's starting to get fun.
Yes. Jon, Mia and Calle, you were kind of right.
But then you were not right anyway, since all three chose the same thing.
Does that mean Maria and I were the best? On just this little part?
Yes, there is no doubt about it.
-Best? -The very best.
-Yes. -Tie.
Then you get one point each for butt and ax.
Zero points for saw.
Shall we see the next operation? Assembling the plank pieces together.
Then just assemble it here.
We use tape.
Then just strip this together.
Grout?
It's almost like filling the box with soft-serve ice cream.
Two and a half left.
-If I... -No but...
"Atle".
Then you have the original there, and then the one I made.
Yes.
-Time’s up. -Yes.
Time’s up. So it is ... Yes.
-Then I'll release it in two seconds. -You do, yes.
It says, yes. It's a bird box.
There is always a small warning when you have to say what it is.
"It's a bird box."
Good start. Not at all crazy.
Calle used an old gramophone player and nail.
Jon used strips.
Mia with double-sided tape.
Magnus with grout, and Maria with Styrofoam and coat hanger.
It may or may not be approved.
Yes. I approve of everything.
-Then there will be points for everyone. -Yes.
And then we'll figure out how to make the hole in the bird box.
It's a bit of a project.
It comes after a short break.
Welcome back to Kongen Befaler.
-Olli, where were we? -Participants making bird boxes.
They must use tools no one else uses.
Now we'll see how they make holes for the bird.
Now there is a crack in it. Maybe it can be used as an entrance?
I’ve already made the hole.
A genius.
No one has talked about how big a bird it should be.
I make holes for the bird with nails.
-So it's the hole? -Yes.
I went for an open solution.
Birds have struggled with the board to get into a hole.
Here they can fly in anywhere, really.
It is the bird box for the thickest birds.
Those who can’t get into one. You have to think about them too.
-30 seconds left. -Yes.
It's a hole. A little badly done, maybe.
Then I leave. Do not disturb the birds when they begin to take up residence there.
Jon, where in the Norwegian fauna do we find the pinhole, -
-or the nail-hole bird?
- Also known as mosquitoes. - Do you think a mosquito could get in?
Yes, I would think so. If it folds its wings-
-and goes trunk-first.
-But it's a hole. -It's a hole.
If we are going to talk about the functionality of the bird boxes, -
- the size of my hole is not the biggest problem.
"If it is allowed to say." Just.
No, but we approve it. You should not talk away.
Thank you, dear king.
Something I can not approve of is a hole that is not a hole.
It is pure evil.
Here you're lurking in a poor pregnant mother bird -
-which shoves her head into the wall.
There is simply no empathy in that girl.
And then we have Calle and Maria.
-I made a bird box ... -You go straight to defense!
It is for eagles, ostriches, and penguins, and the largest and thickest birds there are.
-We have to think about them, too. -It is okay.
You have failed to make holes, but have an opening.
I have to approve it, but there will be no points.
You used the same technique. Open solution.
No.
No one delivered perfection, but I have to accept Jon and Magnus.
So they get one point each in the last round.
Then we can look at the results, now that the boxes are finished.
Calle and Mia had only one unique solution.
Maria and Jon had two unique solutions each.
The only one who managed to be unique on all three tasks was Magnus.
Not bad.
You are unique!
We can see the totals.
There’s one more task. It's going to happen here.
On stage. In front of the audience.
Get on your feet!
We have moved up on stage.
- What are you holding, Magnus? - A letter.
Read.
"Now it's about collecting the most roses and the fewest cacti.
You have to bet as many plants as you want, one by one,-
-by placing them on the plate.
Then you should choose one participant you offer the dish to.
If the participant accepts, they get the contents of the dish.
If the participant refuses, the owner gets to double all the plants they bet.
The number of roses minus the number of cacti is the result."
It's about getting the most roses and the fewest cacti.
- Is everyone ready? - Yes.
Great. If not, you’ll get it quickly.
We start with the leader. Jon. You're welcome.
- Do we do it? - Yes.
You shall be allowed to begin ...
-Straight on? -Straight on. You can bet.
Then add the number of roses or cacti.
-Can I say what I think? -Yes.
I choose to play with open cards.
I give Mia an opportunity to punish me.
So I put then ... How will it be?
I put three cacti on the plate.
And then I ask Mia ...
If she says yes, she gets what you have on her plate.
If she says no, double what you have on your plate.
Do you want what I have on my plate?
-Can I be allowed to think aloud? -You're welcome.
I think Jon was a little silly and said three cacti-
-because he wants me to think it's three roses.
That you don't actually wish me well.
And then I say yes ...
Now I have lost my tactics. Regardless.
I know you're trying to play me.
You think I think it's not cacti, but roses.
No. You think it's cacti.
So yes, thank you. I would like to have.
Correct.
Shit.
Let’s see.
Funny.
Then we put them over here.
-You're welcome. -Thank you.
You can choose to play with open cards further or not.
-Magnus. You're then next. -Oi.
Then I play ...
Should I play with open or closed cards?
You choose it yourself. Jon ran his tactics.
I put a little different here and mix a little.
Maybe take something away?
Like that. A little here and there.
-You put something on the plate? -Yes.
-Then... -Are you done?
Then I'm ready.
-Who do you choose to ask? -I'm giving it to Jon.
Straight back, I was about to say.
What do you answer, Jon?
I have to play with open cards, then.
Then the question is: Is Magnus a wolf in sheep's clothing?
-or a sheep in wolf’s clothes?
Or a stallion in horse’s clothes.
Or a stallion in a white T-shirt and jeans.
No, so ...
I think Magnus is good at the bottom. He wishes me well.
He treats me to victory and praises, and I gladly accept them.
-You're a kind guy. -Oh well?
Since you play with open cards, are you happy?
I play with closed cards.
I close my hand.
Mia. You're number three so far. Your turn.
Jon, here's your chance to trust me-
-and think well of me for once.
So I want to give Jon ...
Peeking isn’t allowed. -I'm just standing.
I'm just normal.
Magnus, you can lose points.
I want to give you, Jon, lots of roses.
-Do you have it? -Yes.
I do not trust you for a second, so I reject the offer.
Let’s see.
It's a hopeless tactic.
Like that. Then you get these.
Then it's Maria.
What do you choose to do?
I should have thought of a tactic. I thought Calle was before me.
I have a big competitor in this life, and that's Magnus.
-Magnus, I offer you my dish. -Nice.
There is something that can slaughter you right down in the boots.
It is up to you whether you want to accept it.
-I had not received. -No.
I'll take it!
Yes, yes. Let’s see.
Oh! Cacti.
We have one left. Calle. What do you choose to do?
The only one who has not been asked is me, so I ask myself.
Do I want ...?
Yes. What do I do now?
I have not been asked either.
-Maria? -Yes!
- Do you want my dish? - Calle, I want your dish.
Ok.
- Oh! - Oh!
Yes?
We count up and take the results in our seats.
I've counted up.
Calle ...
- It's my day today. - It's not your day.
You have been at the top for a long time.
Calle, you got -3 points in the task. You are at the bottom.
Maria, you got -2.
Magnus. 0.
Jon, 2.
And Mia, you get 9.
That means you win the last task.
Then we will get the total score after five tasks.
That means tonight's winner is Jon! Big applause for Jon.
Come up and take all these things. They are very good to have, of course.
The total score so far before next time, it's like this.
And I must be allowed to say that: Next time is the semifinals!
I can’t look forward more. See you later!
What if I get up here?