I can not think!
Did the others understand this?
Welcome to "The King Commands".
Today, the fantastic five will be able to show what they are made of.
We follow them on their arduous journey towards a bust in gold of...
me!
The competition is surprisingly more than just my ingenious mind.
It must be checked, measured and tidied along the way.
For that we have you, my faithful assistant, Olli Wermskog!
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
But let's not linger with me.
No. I couldn't have said it better myself.
We are going to introduce our fantastic participants:
Steinar Sagen!
Ida Fladen!
Amir Asgharnejad!
Einar Tørnquist!
Solveig Kloppen!
Let's get started.
Then we're ready for the prize task.
Participants have brought an item they want to donate to today's winner.
In which category do they have an item today?
Today they will have the heaviest blue thing that fits in a shoebox.
-The old classic? -Yes, I guess so.
Who do you want to start with?
I can see that not everyone has a shoebox under their blankets,
but the one that most resembles...
-Einar, shall we start with you? -Thank you, Atle.
The heaviest blue thing that fits in a shoebox.
-It's a shoebox! -Let me take over.
I have... I had...
Wait. Then I'll give the word to Einar Tørnquist.
Thanks, Atle.
My story begins...
I think shoe boxes are small. I went to "Big shoes"
and found Timberland shoes in size 53.
That was the biggest size I found.
Then I filled it with concrete and painted it blue.
It's about 55 kilos.
Someone would have to use the same tactics with lead to beat you.
It was difficult, it was standing outside to dry while it was raining!
There were umbrellas and everything.
It's a great job. It can not be solved more concretely than that.
-Concrete! -It was not even a pun.
Fantastic.
Now I'm very excited about what you have, Amir.
What do you have to defeat the block next door?
-Oh yes? -Look here, yes?
I have "One hundred years of loneliness".
It takes a figurative sense to find a worthy opponent.
-Thank you. -Surprising. But solved.
Solveig, what do you have?
I have something that looks like it's light and pink.
But it is blue and heavy.
-And it fits in a shoebox? -Absolutely.
We'll be back to Jessheim in 1986.
"Dear diary, it feels like I'll never be happy again."
-"I flush stone"? -No, I have crossed out:
-"I ask Terje"? -Yes.
Oh, oh, oh.
It will be harder to name a winner than I thought.
Than both Einar and I had thought.
We have more left. Steinar, what do you have under there?
I brought the blue planet.
It must be amongst the heaviest I know of,
apart from the sun maybe?
It must weigh several hundred tons.
It fits in a shoebox as well.
-I notice -Are you going to arrest me?
Of...
You really hope that transferred meaning also applies to weight.
Yes, but I have a good comparison.
You are not saying that there is a bust.
"No, it's Atle Antonsen."
This is not a model of the globe.
No, it's the globe.
A great comparison!
-Huh? -But...
But do you think it is a worthy candidate
against the one who stood in the rain and cast it?
Three days!
I do not think it is a worthy candidate,
but it's more fun if I win.
-So you change the rules? -Yes.
That's probably your only hope.
-Ida, what...? -Yes!
Lets see...
-I have it. -No no no...
What's heavy with a pack of condoms, do you think?
I bought it in December last year.
It is still unopened.
And that's heavy.
Yes, it is.
It's sad to hear.
Yes but thank you.
-I thought it would be easy. -Did the mood drop?
I had hoped we could put out a bathroom scale and be done with it.
Someone has done that. Because you solved it so concretely,
you should be rewarded. -Yes but not that much.
-It's a little boring, isn't it? -A little boring?
-Totally agree. -Yes. Unoriginal.
Unoriginal? No one else had it!
I thought that was the first thing I came up with.
-Was that the first thing you thought? -Yes.
-Yes, that was it. -Yes, me too. Everyone.
Amir?
But right now, he's the original one and we are unoriginal.
Thank you very much, Amir.
Whose team are you really on?
Team logic.
You are absolutely right, he should get five points!
-He should get it. Five points. -Yes!
-Four more seats. -Yes, they are more difficult.
-There were many touching scenarios. -What was most touching?
Ida gets on second, and you on third for the diary.
You get four points, Ida, for a touching story.
-Almost uncomfortable. -And exposing.
I can't promise we will do anything about it during the evening.
-I'm never giving up. -There are three points for you, Solveig.
Then there are the guys again. Steinar...
You will get the penultimate place.
Yes!
I'm as surprised as you are.
Amir, you came in last place yourself with a very good suggestion.
Give a big round of applause to the gang.
It's a stagnant gang, both physically and mentally, Olli?
-Yes? -Just say yes.
-But we can check that now. -We would like figures on that.
-Hey Hey. -Hi.
-Is it going well? -It's fine here.
Look here, yes...
Here is the letter and a stopwatch?
I do not understand what it is. "Kilometer"
I'm trying to ask, is it a pedometer?
Did you forget your glasses?
"Have the pedometer count the most steps in 90 seconds."
"You have ten minutes to prepare. Time starts now."
Prepare myself? Should I train fitness?
Can I fool it? I wonder.
Ok, ok, ok...
Ok...
Time starts now, yes? Prepare me, yes?
Ok...
Yes...
The participants' pedometer must count as many steps as possible in 90 seconds.
They have ten minutes to prepare before the 90 seconds
to optimise their technique.
Do you have preferences for who we start with,
or can we go for Ida and Steinar?
Yes. Good choice.
-Shit. Ok. -Are you stressed?
Yes, I'm stressed.
How does a pedometer really work ?
Do you think this works?
No I can not think!
Hundred and... No, I have to test the bike.
That racquet is good. If I just...
Yes, yes, yes!
I'm ready!
There's nothing to wait for, let's just go.
Ok, go!
Ok, it does not have brakes!
There I thought I was going to die. Piece of shit does not have brakes.
Are you ready? Three, two, one...
When you're ready.
-Easy. -What?
This is easy, at least much easier than running.
I'm trying some speed.
No problem.
20 seconds have passed!
Now I'm getting tired. How long has it been, Olli?
-What? -25 seconds.
Has it been 25? Fuck...
I went out too hard.
-I have to -Blood taste in my mouth?
Not blood taste, but...
-Oi. -Yes.
Where did that technique come from?
-It came from... -Five seconds.
The lower bunk in my bedroom at Holmlia.
Drop everything you have in your hands.
Five, four, three, two, one...
Thank you.
I'll be back stronger. Maybe.
Shit.
-Ida, here it just boiled over? -Completely over.
Did you finish a single thought?
The dumbest thing I could choose with my fitness is to run.
The buckets then? It was brilliant.
-The buckets might work well. -Yes, but it boiled.
Yes, Steinar, an amazingly simple solution?
-Yes, and brilliant. -But were there steps?
I did not check that.
But the count may have gone off. Shall we listen to what...?
I have some results. Steinar, you managed
212 steps.
-I do not know if it's good. -No, we have no idea.
So far it's just numbers.
There is no point in clapping too much, because Ida got
-256. She's leading so far.
But we have more.
-Can I recommend one? -Yes you can.
-I want us to look at Amir. -I'm always going for Amir.
Then let's have a look.
If I can shake it while I...
Jump?
I think I should shake it while I run.
-Ready? -Are you ready, Olli?
-Are you ready? -I'm ready.
Three, two, one...
When you're ready.
Ten seconds left.
Five, four, three, two, one...
-There. Like that. -Yes.
-Yes -I'm not even out of breath.
Thanks.
That was fun.
-Can I say something? -Oh yes.
I think I love you, Amir.
I hope you win everything.
I'm not sure if it counts quadruple,
you may not know how it works yourself.
-But there were many small steps there. -I have the answer.
-The dance, let's say -Yes, it was a dance.
Two hundred...
And 64.
It's in the lead.
-A footloose type. -Absolutely.
There are only two left, shall we see them before we choose a winner?
I'll go to the shed
and look for a drill. I can tape something that throws it around.
What is this, then?
A walker.
Maybe?
I think I'll give it a try.
This did not go so well. No no no...
-How much time do I have left? -One minute and 15 seconds.
That's 75 seconds, Olli.
Like that, then we're ready.
Am I counting down? Three, two, one
Start!
This is going on...
This does not go fast.
Olli! This is going to be fun.
-Are you ready? -Yes.
I'm pretty sure this solution
isn't the best.
It's going well so far. I'm getting tired.
20 seconds left. Do you think it is slower?
Do not speak.
It's quite tiring.
I can not remember my arms feeling like this before.
Five, four, three, two, one...
And stop.
Then the time is up in three, two, one...
-There. -Then I'm finished screwing, Olli.
That was tiresome. Thank you.
Good bye. Annoying.
Einar, that was fantastically solved. If the drill can do the job,
then let it do it.
-You did not get tired? -No.
Could you feel it in your forearm?
Yes. Here it may have been...
It's nice, Solveig, that when you think of what goes fast,
The first thing you think is: "Walking chair!"
"Yes, we associate a walker with speed. That's where it goes."
I have never seen a walker go so fast.
It would have looked great if you dressed like an older lady.
-Thanks. -It may have gone well.
If you were to guess yourself, Solveig, how many steps do you think?
1000.
-Wow! -You're thinking 1000, yes?
You can lower it to
328.
Einar, you did just as well,
and win with 612.
Then we get this score.
In total we are there:
Look here, yes.
In total today, Einar is at the top with ten points. Solveig second.
Steinar and Amir at the bottom. Things have turned around for you since last time, Amir.
-Yes. -But that can change.
Is it a deliberate tactic?
No, but it's nice to be somewhere else for once.
Now I dare not ask more. We'm taking a break.
Now I would like to see an task
where you can flourish and shine a little extra, Olli.
Can we see one where you have built a nice castle of bricks?
-We can do that. -You are good at building with bricks.
-No, stop it. -Yes, I think so!
-Do not be modest. -I'm good.
-Hi. -Hello.
-Hey Hey. -Hi.
"Complete the puzzle."
"You can not touch the bricks."
"The task is over if the castle collapses."
"Fastest wins, time starts now."
I can...
Ok this is mindfuck.
Can't I touch the tower either?
-No. -I do not understand.
A very impressive structure. You can tell me how you
built it another time. Now to complete the puzzle?
To complete the simple puzzle as quickly as possible, but the three pieces
are surrounded by a tower that participants cannot touch.
Do you know how long it takes to build?
-I'm not that interested. -No?
Just over an hour. Times five.
Shall we just go to the tasks?
Yes it's okay. Let's put them all in the same batch.
I'll start with the simplest.
This one I can take out. I'll start with that.
One like that...
Oh, precise?
No can't do it. So then I go and get some equipment.
Stick it on.
I'm going to fish it out.
Look at him...
I know there's a problem now. For that...
It's not going to work. It's stuck!
It is not possible.
"Complete the puzzle, do not touch the bricks."
Is "touching" only skin against block?
"You can not touch the bricks."
No, but now it's my blouse that touches it.
That's all I've got...
No, does that count as a collapse?
No and no!
Shit task. Good bye.
This is not going to work.
This is not a collapse, it is dismantling.
-Is it? -You agree! Say it.
You see that too, Olli.
I'm not touching it now.
Lots of tools, but no pliers. Wrench is all he has.
Scrap metal, that is...
My God, I could not be a surgeon.
No! I forgot.
What happened?
Yes, what happened now?
Fuck!
There may be a wind that blows away a bit of the castle.
That happens.
Come on, little friend.
Like that.
Like that. Finished.
It was no easy task, but why did no one else think of wind.
It was a deconstruction and not a collapse.
It's far inside.
-Are there five points? -Five points to Amir for the solution.
You were talking about something similar, Ida, but it did not go so well.
You do not get extra for that reason, but it's sad for the programme,
and for me who has hand-picked you, that you are so bad.
I can not give you zero points. I give three points to the rest.
But only because it would make me look bad.
There will be five for Amir and three for the rest.
Thank you very much, Atle.
Yes, that's how it should be.
Olli, can you take me to what I like best in this programme,
namely an emotional roller coaster?
From huge disappointment to intoxicating happiness?
Take a seat and fasten your seat belt.
-Hi. -Hey Hey.
A melon... And a cat!
Hi! Isn't she cute, right, Olli?
You can't include this. I'm trying to get away from the cat image.
"Make the watermelon end up furthest from Olli."
"You can not touch or move either the melon or Olli."
"Olli releases the melon in 20 minutes."
"After this, you can not affect the movement of the melon."
"Time starts now."
-I can not move it either? -No.
But that can't be done!
Oh well.
The watermelon should end furthest from me when I release it.
It's not allowed to affect its movement after I've released it.
You're allowed to make preparations before it is released.
-It sounds understandable. -It should be pretty straight forward.
We can see if Amir and Einar share that view.
I'll test if the plan works.
So far so good.
-Where is this going? -I do not know.
I just do things and hope it will end up like...
"Oh yes, that was wise!"
-Are you stressed? -Yes, I want to win.
-1.5 minutes left. -So that?
I will attach this to the mixer, then it coils up the rope.
Six, five, four, three, two...
one.
-I'm very disappointed. -You came this far.
That's shit, right.
Five, four, three, two, one...
And we're off.
Yes! I got it down in the pool.
-I think I won this one. -You don't smile that much?
No. But it was very good.
Goodbye.
Two quite different strategies. Einar, what would you call your strategy?
"Brilliant in the first place."
I had solved it, it was not me who influenced the journey.
The machine was supposed to and it was running. Perfectly solved.
-Not "solved", maybe? -No, "thinks".
I'm like Einstein, but there's too much bad equipment out there.
Amir, you use gravity
which causes the watermelon to roll towards the pool edge. Are you satisfied?
-Yes. -It seemed that way.
Yes, that was great.
Can we see a quick clip from the solution to Amir
after you have read a selected sentence from the assignment?
"When Olli releases the melon, you can not influence the melon's movement."
We take a look:
Yes...
You controlled the garden hose, Amir, if we think about it carefully?
-We do not have to think so carefully. -I can defend it.
I abstracted myself as a person...
That's the worst I've heard!
This falls into good soil with you, Einar?
Is he disqualified or not?
A disqualification for Amir, there is nothing to wonder about.
We have to follow the rules to a certain extent.
I'm not last? Nice.
-You can Yes...
Do you have a suggestion as to why you were put together with Amir?
-I can't stand it -Yes, let's have a look.
Annoying. The damn good...
-The who? -Yes...
Even if you did not earn all the world on it...
-You have influenced. -You influenced the journey.
You affected it back a few inches.
Do you think that is fair and reasonable?
It is the same regulations that disqualified Amir.
I'm saving the effort to win an argument for another time.
You know what? You do so wisely.
It was so wise that it deserves extra points.
-There are two disqualifications. -Two out of the two disqualified. Unfortunately.
But you'll be able to argue another time.
We have some left.
We have to take a short break first.
We have three participants left.
As long as you are not disqualified, you are guaranteed a podium place.
What gets you the furthest? Pride, low self-esteem
or distrust of me? Here are Steinar, Solveig and Ida:
I will use these.
Olli, this will be absolutely great.
Engineering genius.
-4.5 minutes left. -I have plenty of time.
Don't even worry about it, Olli.
It's not going to go that far.
I guess it ends up there.
But this does not mean that the others will do this as well.
Maybe no one has even thought about it.
-I'm dropping it here. -I know that.
What am I not getting here?
-I'm going to drop the melon here. -Yes I know.
-In 16 minutes. -Such an annoying guy!
But give some hints, then.
In...
-No. -Listen closely.
In seven minutes
I'm dropping the melon here. -No
I can't believe that someone actually lives with you.
Unless you do something, it's going to fall straight down.
Yes...!
Maybe I need to dig, then?
-Dig here? -Yes.
It's just centimeters.
A gutter, I make a...
Right? That's what I have to do.
Five, four, three, two, one...
Satisfied?
No.
I'll be amazed if this works.
It's straight out, there's nothing to even wonder about.
Three, two, one. There.
Olli!
Why did you not say something?
But I can see it going wrong.
Two, one...
Go!
It is unbelievable. It's unbelievable!
It's unbelievable, Olli, it worked.
It landed over there!
I'm so happy, it's like winning the Olympics.
Are you emotional?
It's the ultimate movie, the underdog's victory.
No self-confidence, nothing... "I will never be able to do this."
-And then it's a slam dunk! -Yes thank you.
What a solution and what a joy. Have you ever been so happy?
No, I have two children...
-Including them. -No. Never.
Right. It went like a speeding bullet.
You almost deserved it.
Ida, you started arrogantly. It did not pay off this time either?
-We had the same solution. -No.
-I fastened the pipes together. -Yes, yes, yes...
You had the same idea.
You could have said something, you. "Remember to hold the pipes together."
-It's Olli's fault? -That's what I'm saying.
I agree with that a bit. Ten percent.
But I'm very excited about who...
You're not the only one against Olli. It'll be a long time before he's allowed to visit the Kloppen home.
-You are not happy with Olli? -No, for a...
Is that how you think? Is that really what Solveig Kloppen is like?
Yes.
When the guests arrive: "Do we have to invite him? Damn!"
"Is there no one else available? Damn!"
Do you think so? "Is there really anyone living with him."
The task was 20 minutes.
You just stood around for 14 minutes.
-But I was very fast in the end. -Yes, what a great solution.
-Does that mean we have a winner? -Yes, and no one should be disqualified here.
-Two disqualifications. -No more now.
Ida, who had the most faith in herself,
one meter.
Solveig.
You rolled twice as far. Two meters and second place.
We know you won, Steinar. Congratulations.
Five points to Steinar.
Then we can see that we totally have this:
It has become very even again. You lead, Solveig Kloppen.
Einar in second. Amir, it's another task.
-Do you know where it happens? -No.
Yes, you know that! Get on stage, guys.
Yes, yes, yes...
We've moved up here. Are you ready, Atle?
You have in front of you a pretty nicely covered breakfast table.
The task is simple: Fill the glass with as much milk as possible.
The one with the most wins. If it overflows, it's over.
You have 43 seconds. There are two questions:
Do we have to make the milk ourselves?
It remains to be seen. Ida?
-What happens if you spill? -Spilling is fine. Amir?
-Yes. -Good question.
You have 43 seconds from now!
Then they're up and running. It's exciting. Five seconds have passed.
It's Amir...
Oh well? It is okay.
20 seconds have passed. It looks like...
It's going well for most.
-No, damn. -Look there, yes.
You do not have much time left.
-Is this the milk? -Five seconds left.
Four, three, two...
Stop!
I'll take a small count, and then we'll have the results.
We'll go through the results seated, but this must be talked about.
It was extremely even.
It was difficult to measure, it was relatively even.
But I have done it.
One of you was disqualified. Well, not disqualified, but ended up last.
Where it ran over, Amir.
-Then it was you, Solveig -Yes, we have to talk to you a little.
We're wondering what happened.
Can we take a look at what happened to Solveig?
Here you have filled up the glass.
Then you take out the flowers, and what do you do then?
There's that liquid. You pour the milk back.
Please explain, what happened in your head?
Is it psychosis?
I have become very paranoid from participating in this programme.
I thought, when I felt that the glass was almost full:
"This is too simple. This is not where the milk is."
"It's in the vase! Brilliant, no one else will notice."
And no one else did.
-It got you up to second last place. -It wasn't brilliant.
It will be second to last, instead of you winning.
Amir at the bottom. Solveig second last.
Ida in third.
Steinar is second. Einar.
-Congratulations, you won the task. -No?
Then we need to see the total scores for the programme.
So it is Einar who is the winner, for one day.
Come forward and receive all the heavy blue things and have a great time with them.
We will of course be back next week with more tasks
and the same gang! Goodbye!
Original Norwegian subs by Rolf Clement Johannessen (Iyuno-SDI Group)
Mangled English translation by Google Translate. Thanks big G.
Mangled English editing by /u/Sulimonstrum
Additional editing by u/TaskmasterMaster
Corrections provided by actual Norwegian speaker u/msbtvxq