Isabelle, yes!
The coffee is ready.
"The new cook"
Welcome back to the Drammen Theatre,
and a brand new season of Kongen Befaler.
And with me I have the always twinkling and sparkling
Olli Wermskog!
Yes, thank you. Thank you very much.
I think you have a little extra glow today, as well.
I do. You can bet I do.
How have you been since the last time, Olli?
Gosh! Thank you for asking. I've had a pretty good time.
Took the opportunity not to wear a suit.
Have you missed me? - I'll answer yes.
There's only one answer to that. "Yes" is good.
What about you? How have you been?
I've been very good. - Have you missed yourself? - No, not to a great extent.
I have had good closeness to myself, even if things are going downhill.
But we'll talk about that elsewhere.
We'll take up that with Solveig Kloppen. [referring to her talk show]
Should we introduce the gang? - We should. Let's introduce the gang.
It's a fantastic, lovely group.
But not least, we have to introduce today's main character.
It is none other than a bust in gold... of me.
And those competing for a lifelong pro forma marriage
with this lovely bust are...
Live Nelvik! [presenter and actor]
Espen Eckbo! [comedian and actor]
Martha Leivestad! [comedian]
Kristoffer Olsen! [singer and actor]
And Henriette Steenstrup! [comedian and actor]
Yes!
You got quite a reception. It almost sounds like you're popular.
It's a nice group. - Very nice.
Espen, I want to ask you first...
You don't strike me as a competitive person,
but is there something in there that I don't already know about?
No, I think you're quite right.
I have an inherent... I wouldn't say loser instinct,
but an inherent ability to aim towards a good second, third or fourth place.
So if you don't win, in the tasks you don't win, it's deliberate?
Yes, out of consideration for the rest of you.
Thank you, Espen.
That was very generous of you.
Live, would you say that your competitive instinct
surpasses your desire to be liked by the Norwegian people?
Because you have a competitive instinct.
Yes, unlike Espen I have an inherent winner instinct.
Even in tasks I have no prerequisites to succeed.
Then we understand why you are here.
Martha, how would you like to be remembered
when people sit and reminisce about this season in about 100 years?
I am a very calm and relaxed person,
so perhaps like... a wise Martha.
That my radiance was so chill, so like...
I think that's what my goal is to radiate.
Possibly.
At least you took the opportunity to say it now,
so maybe someone still believes you.
Please! Anyone! Please, believe me.
Henriette, you're well past your prime.
How do you intend to defend the seniors' honour
in this programme?
People are getting very old now, so I hope I have a big fan base there.
And I'll really work hard to show that the seniors...
"The old are the oldest", as they say. [expression meaning "the older the better/wiser"]
Yes, you'll have the opportunity to die with your audience.
Kristoffer, you are at home here in the theatre.
You are best known to have played in one of the biggest theatre successes ever,
The Book of Mormon. With well over 300 performances.
But you may not be that well known to most people at home.
Yes, it surprises me that I'm here.
It does?
I got the perfect example when I came here today.
I was greeted by a very nice employee,
who met me with open arms and a smile, and said:
"Oh, are you the new cook?"
I'm a quite positive person, so I thought
that's a fun word to use for a participant in Kongen Befaler.
So I said: "Yes, I'm one of the cooks. I'll contribute to spoiling the broth."
So she took me to what I thought was the dressing room,
but she actually took me to the kitchen.
That was very nice.
We'll get started right away
with the very first task of the season.
We're starting with the first task of the day, and the season,
which is the "bring something Atle has decided" task.
And whoever Atle thinks has solved the task best
gets a great start to the programme with 5 points.
And whoever has the most points when the programme is over,
will, like in the previous seasons, get to bring the items home
and can keep them for as long as they want. Maybe for life.
A short and... Or a long and good explanation.
Today we would like to get to know the participants.
Therefore, we have a rather personal task.
Today they have been told to bring something they do not deserve.
It looks like there's a thing near Espen
which we can unveil right away.
Espen, you can start. What is it that you don't deserve?
It is simply a pallet. [same word as 'podium' in Norwegian]
It's not a play on words that I don't deserve to end up on the podium,
but this is a pallet I got... I ordered an item on the internet.
It was supposed to come in the mail, and it did.
And with the purchase I got this. - I see...
I have not paid for it. It is not specified on the invoice.
It came as a free additional product,
and I don't feel that I can defend having it.
I can't use it for what a pallet should be used for.
I don't really know what it should be used for.
Plus I have no idea where to put it,
so I brought it here in the hope that someone else wins today's programme.
At least you have solved the task.
Kristoffer?
Yes, hi.
Thank you for recognising me.
What have you-
Yes, aren't you the cook?
I have brought my diploma.
From the Royal Norwegian Music Conservatory,
which is one of Norway's highest music educational institutions,
where I got a place in 2005 after some crazy entrance exams.
They only accept two vocalists per year.
That year they only accepted Frida Ånnevik [Norwegian jazz singer] and myself.
But you have to pass some entrance exams to get in,
and when I had to take my entrance exam I had little-to-no knowledge
about music theory.
But I had an invigilator who was an old violinist,
and had a lot of knowledge about music, but very few friends.
So we came to an arrangement
that he would give me all the answers to the test
in return for me having a beer with him after we finished.
That's fantastic.
So I have simply cheated my way into the Music Conservatory
and have received a lot of scholarship money from the state.
Oh Kristoffer...
That can be taken back, you know that, right?
I haven't been on TV much before, so I don't really know...
This is fantastic, Kristoffer. - Thank you, Atle.
Henriette Steenstrup, what is it that you don't deserve?
Now I feel that there are a lot of good ones here, so I'm dreading this a bit.
I have brought a card that says: "Dear Henriette!"
"Congratulations on the baby." It's an old card. I don't have a baby now.
"Enjoy your maternity leave with this lifetime subscription to TV2 Sumo." [Norwegian TV2 streaming service]
"Big hug from Andreas and the programme department."
I got this when I had a baby, as a gift from TV2.
But, after a year, it didn't work anymore.
Then I sent an email to the service department at TV2
and wrote: "Hi! I got a lifetime subscription from TV2."
"Can you fix it? It doesn't work anymore."
Then I got a response from customer service, and it looked like this.
"As far as I can see, you got a Sumo Gold annual subscription, henriettesen."
That's my username. "I don't know who Hatlevik is."
"If you think he can arrange a new gift card for you, then you must take it up with him."
"We don't hand out free gift cards haphazardly. Kind regards, Øyvind."
So Øyvind at least didn't think I deserved it.
That's tough feedback to receive. - Very tough. Øyvind hated me.
Yes. Nice.
Martha?
What do you have that you don't deserve?
Yes... I...
Hang on.
I'll put this down. - Yes, please.
I have brought the Humour Award... - No!
Live, my god! - Are we really going to bring awards?
Now, let a girl finish explaining herself.
The Humour Award 2020/2021. The "funniest on TV" of the year.
I have brought this. - Yes.
And I've been thinking that...
I don't think I deserve just one.
That is how I chose to answer this task.
I think that's very neat.
Well solved. Then we only have Live left.
Lovely, that is. Nice to be here. - Great. Live?
Yes, now I imagine you're excited. - We're excited.
I have brought... this.
Which... Why aren't you going "aww"?
Yes, I got this... - I first want to know if you made it yourself.
You understand that one of my children made it. My middle one.
She came home with this for me.
It's a cardboard plate. Or a fish, supposedly.
I don't deserve this. I don't think I do.
I deserve better.
If I were to sum up everything I have given them,
then we're talking about a lot of money, Atle.
It's things like bicycles, and by that I mean both
for kicking, balancing, with support wheels and without.
And things like wetsuits, air track for the garden, you name it.
And all I get in return is this!
What is this?
Don't you know me?
What does mummy want? What is mummy interested in?
Not this. - No.
Does anyone want it? Here you go.
Charming. - You can start thinking about points.
I'll start thinking about points. I am willing to...
Just so Espen is absolutely certain that he won't bring the pallet back home,
then you will get one point. - Oi! Thank you.
One point is the least, just so you know. - Yes, that's a relief.
It's just to help you with the pallet.
You will get two points, Live. And you're getting off easy.
And you're getting off even easier, Henriette.
You get three points for that subscription. - Thank you.
Then the only ones left are the girl from Stord and the cook.
There is no doubt that the cook walks away with the five points.
Olli, I've been thinking about something. Hasn't life become too easy for people now?
They don't have to master things anymore. People just get served the food.
They don't have to go out to hunt for a meal.
I would like to see the contestants' caveman instincts, while hunting.
Yes, we are in the middle of the hunting season for melba toast.
What a Disney moment.
What?
"Eat the melba toast. The fastest wins."
"Your time starts now."
I can't eat it now.
How am I supposed to reach it now?
Lift me up!
Should I get a shotgun and shoot it down?
Maybe there is something to shoot with! Wait.
Wait. Wait. I'll go and check.
If there is one task in this programme that is self-explanatory, it's this one.
The toast must be eaten as quickly as possible.
Atle, are you looking forward to it? - Yes.
Then we can start with everyone.
But not Martha, right? - No, not Martha. Everyone except her.
Damn it! - No, fuck!
I was this far away from jumping after it.
You did jump after it.
Yes. This is so idiotic.
No... Idiot... No, no, no.
What is this?
Sorry, now I'm getting pissed off.
What kind of dumb task is this?
It's made for people who are…
Three metres high? - Quick on their feet. I'm angry now.
This pisses me off. - I see.
Can I break the drone? What if I break the drone?
Can I catch it with this? I used to do rhythmic gymnastics.
"Eat the melba toast. The fastest wins. Your time starts now."
Done.
Maybe I should do what I used to do back in the day.
Yes! Yes!
Are you kidding me? Did you see I did that RS?
Yes. - I did this,
and then it just fell down.
Melba toast...
What a lousy start to the day.
Okay. - There you go.
Let's try it there. - Look at that.
No, it's still... - You're so close.
No, I'm not close at all.
Oh! Now I'm so mad!
No...
No, this won't work.
Huh... - That was close.
Does this have sentimental value for you?
No.
It was too low.
If I throw it like this... - Yes?
Yes! Oi!
Oh you bastard...
At least it was delicious. It was worth the effort.
It ran out of battery.
Is that what happened?
Yes! Sometimes you need a bit of luck too.
Now I'm really pissed at myself. A little bit at you too.
Goodbye, then. - Goodbye.
Yes... Henriette?
This is as angry as I hope I'll be in these ten programmes.
Yes, it wasn't exactly a task for you. - It really wasn't.
I had to wait until the battery died.
Yes, and then you claimed that you were lucky that the drone fell down.
Yes, that's what I thought at first. - But it was because the battery ran out.
This is off to a bad start for me. - It is.
We can also mention that all the drones had the same amount of battery.
So it was... - I'm not sure about that, but ok.
That's okay.
Kristoffer? - Yes, as a cook I have...
...became used to handling food quite quickly.
Very well done. I don't think you need any more feedback than that.
It can't be solved much better. But we have some left.
Not some, but one. But that's also some.
Let's take a look at Martha...
Isn't there a water shortage in Oslo?
Is that as far as it goes? - Fuck!
Now I'm losing heart. It's too high up.
The time is running. - Yes, I know that the time is running.
Is he still in the air, or has he sat down?
The battery is still going.
You have to move now, Olli. Or you'll get a ball... in the bump.
A bump... You could get hit. - Yes.
No!
I crushed it. I crushed the biscuit. Oh no!
You crushed the biscuit? - Yes, but I'll still eat it.
I still have to eat it.
Yes. - Okay. Thank you.
Goodbye. - What a sick experience.
Yuck...
Was it worth it when you know you'll probably end up with one point?
But we can see how many points... - Probably?
We have some times here. - I have the times here.
I agree it wasn't a good idea. You spent 11 minutes and 49 seconds.
That's at the bottom, Martha. Then it's Henriette with 11:20.
Live, 4:55. It was enough for third place.
Espen was actually faster than you with 3:30.
What? - And Kristoffer spent 11 seconds.
Yes, so here we have the points. And overall today it looks like this.
It has been a great start with a maximum score, Kristoffer.
We'll have a short break now, and there will be some adverts in it.
Olli... - Yes?
When you want to show the best version of yourself at a party, what do you do?
At a party? Pull out a hip party trick.
A hip party trick? - A cool one.
A cool... Can I see your cool party trick?
It's not that bad. - It's not bad.
Look at this.
I can do it with both hands. - It gets old pretty quickly.
Yes. I don't pull it out very often.
Don't do it anymore, Olli, it makes you too attractive.
You seem like a very fun guy to party with.
Shall we see if the participants are the same?
Hey hey! - Hey hey!
Oh, you look so nice! - Oh, you're so silly!
Got it.
I hope it's "make a party". I'm good at that. I feel that I am.
Here we go.
"Show off your best party trick."
"The party trick Atle likes best wins."
We need... If I'm going to show a party trick,
I need something to drink out of. I'll go get it.
The participants must simply show you, and you at home,
their very best party trick. And the trick you like best wins.
I'm looking forward to it. It's not only possible to get five points,
it's also possible to come up with such a cool party trick
that you'll be invited to my birthday.
[EAR-SPLITTING SCREAM]
I wanna come!
Yes... - We have to move on.
There is quite a lot at stake here.
Let's look at Party-Espen, Party-Henriette, Party-Live
and Party-Martha. - Yes!
Party... I don't party much, so...
Is there a difference between a trick and a party trick?
A party trick?
That's the only party trick I have.
I could stand on all fours and put something up my ass,
but I'm not that type.
I'm more like a nice uncle on Christmas Day who does...
Where did it go?
Oh! Have a look in your ear, Olli.
But what on earth is that... There!
There it was.
That's how I usually start.
And then I do this.
Oh no! Now I turned into Wenche Myhre! [old schlager singer]
Then I touch people in the face, and they think it's very disgusting.
And then I do this.
And then I can do this with this one finger.
I broke it in the ninth grade and never fixed it.
That's not a party trick, Martha. It's a freak show.
It's because I broke my thumb in the ninth grade,
and then there was a lot of hassle where it kept breaking and breaking.
And then it healed. But then I broke this right after.
And I didn't tell anyone, so it has just…
So my problem with pointing at people is that I always point at the wrong person.
You! And then it's like this...
No, no... This can't be true.
Now I have to spend the next nine programmes trying to forget this.
Oh my!
Henriette, what you are doing... - It's far below par.
The fist in the mouth. It would be impressive from a lot of people,
but from you it's not impressive at all.
With that beak there? That's...
If you had both hands in, then maybe.
I haven't thought about it that way. - No, but all the rest of us have.
But we haven't handed out the points yet. - We still have one left.
You have to see them all before you decide.
Shall we take a look at Kristoffer? - Yes.
Here comes my party trick.
Cheers! - Yes yes yes...
My god, what a party. Yes, yes... Bottoms up!
You know why we celebrate today, Olli? It's flag day.
My glass is empty, I should have somewhere to put it down.
Just put it on the flagpole.
Okay. Thanks for coming, Olli. - See you later.
Thanks for this year. ♫ We're waving the flag for you. ♫
Have you practiced for a long time to become this flexible?
Too long.
Too long? - Yes.
Don't ask me to do it on the other side or with other body parts.
It's only that leg and only that way.
But it does attract a bit of attention, so he should get credit for that.
I think we are ready to hand out some...
Should we start down with Espen Eckbo?
No, damn it!
I apologise, but you only get one point.
It could've worked in a kindergarten.
I won't take that away from you.
Henriette, two points. It's simply...
Next year, one more hand.
Maybe then.
Live, three points. - Oh I tried to make myself invisible.
Not because it was good. Only because the others were even worse.
It was very irritating. Kristoffer, you actually get four points.
That means Martha gets five points for her freak show.
You do. - Martha Leivestad!
Olli. The next task, if you may.
I may. The next task, Atle.
Thank you, sir.
"Make Olli spend the longest time to get from A to B."
"You cannot break, move, or touch the letters or Olli."
"Olli starts walking in 30 minutes."
I don't know what either A or B is.
They're two letters. - Yes...
Yes, if only there were some letters here...
The letters?
What are you looking for? - Letters.
The letter A? - Yes...
Oh, there is B. Ok.
It started so well... Oh!
Let's see if we can find A, then. - Yes...
There is A. - There is A.
Yes, the task is to make me spend the longest time from A to B.
Yes. It was hard to predict that the most difficult part would be to find the letters.
That puts us in a bit of a bad light here.
Yes, we're talking about carved letters that are two metres high.
Henriette... - I'm not laughing, I'm crying.
You are very happy when you see that B half a kilometre away.
Which is right behind the A right in front of your face.
This is going to be a long season.
Long and boring.
This may be painful for more people than just you.
But I am impressed. How will the task itself go?
We'll see. We can just get started. We can start with Henriette
and throw in Kristoffer, as well. - Oof...
My first thought is that it's natural to lock the doors,
and gamble that Olli doesn't have a key.
"Spend the longest time..." If he is both blindfolded and weighs 900 kilos...
Then we'll be here until tomorrow.
To make it a little extra fun, we can guide him on a detour.
Move the trail a bit. There we go!
You want to go home today too, but we'll see about that.
There. And then you have to take those tyres with you.
Do you have access to the house? - I can get into the house, yes.
You have access to the house with a key? - Yes.
I should have asked earlier.
Three, two, one, start!
Let's see...
I didn't factor in his free will!
What we have to hope for now is that Olli is so polite
that he follows the instructions. That you follow the rules others make too.
Yes...
Weren't you supposed to follow the arrows?
I'm just following the trail. - You're just following the trail.
But I have laid out another trail for you.
This is a shitty task.
We're taking a short break. We'll be right back.
Henriette and Kristoffer, is there anything you want to say?
I just want to say... Thank you for having me.
I thought I would make Olli slow down.
That he would have a lot of weight on him.
I didn't know he had free will.
Not to jump into your dark hole, Henriette,
but when I saw that you blindfolded Olli and tied him to the tyres,
I thought it seemed absolutely brilliant.
I can say right away...
It was all about making me spend the longest time.
Henriette made me spend one minute.
Kristoffer, 1 minute and 14 seconds.
So that may be possible to beat. We'll see.
Here are Martha and Live.
Now I'm good. Let's see...
My plan is total hindrance.
Ow! Ow! Ow!
Damn!
I think Live will be a bit like me. Chaotic.
Shouldn't it just screw?
Is it on the wrong way or something?
I'll just try this... Fuck!
My plan now is simply to trick Olli, and just start fencing with him a bit.
And then he'll walk in here and just...
Fuck you!
I'm looking forward to it! Okay, now I'm ready.
I'm ready. Are you? - Very.
Three, two, one, start!
Good luck, Olli. - Thank you.
What do you mean? No!
Look at you going... No!
No! I forgot to turn it on!
No, Olli! Don't do it...
Got you!
He is looking for tools to get out.
Shit, I'm nervous. I am so...
It's like having a serial killer on your heels.
No, he's still stuck.
Olli, that's antique stuff.
Freaking...
No! No!
No!
Yes...
Live, that wasn't a bad idea,
acting like a bit of a helpless woman,
and then locking him up. It seemed to be easy for you.
If I had been a better carpenter, you would still be stuck there, Olli.
It's just because I was better at needlework that it didn't go better.
Did you try to hammer in a screw? I seem to remember that she did.
I don't think so. I think you're misremembering that, Espen.
But we still have some left. - Yes, let's take a look at Espen.
I have a good feeling.
I am a dog owner, so I know how to control Olli.
Olli is actually a dog's name, isn't it? Olli, come here!
I'll bring zip ties so he won't be able to take off the collar.
Good, Olli.
Then we'll put this on.
Well done, Olli. There.
Three, two, one... - Come on, let's go for a walk.
You want to go for a walk? Come on, Olli!
Calm. Olli, no! Come here. No!
Olli! Come here! Heel!
Olli, no! No, no, no! Olli! No! Come here!
There. Okay.
You won't be able to untie it. There are lots of knots.
I can feel that. - Yes. I'm leaving.
You see that B up there? Now you can go up there.
Run. Allez, allez! Let's go. Good!
Good, Olli!
Good boy.
It was very nice to see that others can also handle the boy.
I had much better control over Olli than my own dog.
Yes, although it was tight to begin with there.
How does it feel, doggy? What do you say?
What do I say? First of all, woof.
Then you can have the results. You are probably curious.
We know Henriette is at the bottom with one minute. Then Kristoffer with 1:14.
Martha, 3 minutes and 29 seconds. Live, 4 minutes and 20 seconds.
Espen, 45 minutes.
Good job!
That means that in total today so far...
Oi, oi, oi! I'll be damned, now it's not that close anymore.
Kristoffer is right at the top. Henriette, now you are struggling.
I think this is terrible. Am I allowed to withdraw from the programme?
You have a big leap up there, but it's not over yet.
There is still one task left,
and it will, as always, take place here in the studio. Get up on stage.
Yes, we've made it onto the stage,
and we're about to enter the world of nostalgia.
Now you will draw a smiling horse,
you must sign with your name and age,
but you must draw upside-down and mirrored.
Because it will be put on the overhead projector afterwards.
Then Atle will judge which one he likes best
and which one is the most precise.
You'll get exactly 53 seconds. We start in three...
What do we have to draw? - A smiling horse, name and age.
Two, one...
Do you have a tactic, Live? - Always.
Yes...
No...
The tactic is sound. - The time is running!
Yes. - No!
20 seconds have passed. 33 remaining.
Are you cheating, Espen? - In no way.
In no way? - Upside-down horse.
Yes, yes... - 13 seconds left.
Is it about finishing first? - No.
So we can be diligent? - We can't erase the marker?
Three, two, one...
There! Put away your markers. Great! Lovely work.
Now we'll see... I'll collect them.
I wonder if we'll start with Henriette.
Oh no! That's a bad sign.
There...
Yes... - Yes?
What's wrong with that? - It's not a disaster.
Except that my age is a bit weird.
Yes... - It doesn't say 64 there. That's right.
The smile... Where is the smile? - Should it be a smiling horse?
It's here. There's a little... It's a subdued smile.
I've seen a grumpier horse. - Let's move on.
We can summarise later. Look at this. Kristoffer.
85? - 85, yes.
Born in '85. - Mental age is also an age.
But, in general, the horse looks grumpy.
But it's a rock horse. So that's cool.
A downward smile on that one. - I think I have failed completely.
Here. "Marthas 8". - Yes, look at that...
The horse is wearing socks. It's padding around.
It is, but I'm relatively impressed.
I didn't really believe in any of you. - It's a cat.
We'll see, Espen, if you're any better. This is yours.
No! Hey! - It's a wild boar.
You have it upside-down! He has put it the wrong way.
You have put it the wrong way.
Did I do it wrong?
Look at the name. You asked for a smiling horse upside-down,
and I have drawn a smiling horse upside-down.
That's true.
Well... - And my age is... forty something.
Look at this.
Huh?
I'm guessing this is an ant. Is that it? - Yuck!
"Evil 89".
I'm sorry, but the worst thing about you laughing is that I've done the best I can.
This is the woman who made fun of her child's Christmas present.
We have to sum this up down in our seats.
Yes. That's how it went.
Should we take another look at the drawings?
I have, of course, made up my mind.
There is little doubt here, Live, that you will end up last with that attempt.
At least it was an attempt.
But Espen's is on its head.
Espen has misunderstood the task, but he...
With the basic idea, he has done a better job.
So he comes second last. There is no doubt about that.
Henriette, you get three points for yours.
You get four points for this one, Kristoffer.
Then everyone understands... Five points to Martha!
Let's look at the score from this task,
and then we'll look at the overall standings.
And the winner of today's programme is... It's Kristoffer who wins!
Come up and enjoy, and play with all these amazing prizes
which no one deserves.
That is the winner of the very first programme.
It won't be long until we're back. We'll be here again in a week's time.
Thank you for watching!
Original Norwegian subtitles: Ane S Olsen (Iyuno-SDI Group)
English translation: u/msbtvxq
Proofreading: u/taskmastermaster