Isabelle, yes!
The coffee is ready.
Damn!
No!
"Porcelain?"
Welcome to this wonderful programme, completely objectively speaking,
which is called Kongen Befaler. It is I who command [befaler],
and the one who does as I command the best,
wins the only thing in the world more precious than gold-plated saffron,
and that is of course a...
bust in gold... of me!
Yes!
The gentleman by my side will possibly turn into a prince
if you kiss him. Until then, he is just my assistant and court frog,
Olli Wermskog.
Thank you very much. Yes.
Kiss me, then.
Pardon? - Kiss Me.
That will never happen again, Olli.
We will say hello to our dear participants.
Live Nelvik!
Espen Eckbo.
Martha Leivestad.
Kristoffer Olsen.
And Henriette Steenstrup.
Olli, can you explain to these dimwits,
pardon the expression, what will happen now?
Yes, in today's prize task, they have been told to bring
something I miss in my life.
Something you miss in your life? - Yes.
You haven't given them any hints, right?
So they must have come up with it themselves.
And there's so much to take from.
I'm really looking forward to seeing what you guys have come up with.
I'd like to start with Martha.
I have been looking forward to this. - Oi.
What is Olli missing in his life, Martha?
Olli, please stand up. - Yes, okay.
You weren't prepared for this. - What a joy and anticipation.
Here you go. - Thank you.
This is a script...
...in Finnish.
I have been thinking that you have missed a good conversation in Finnish.
So I have "A good conversation in Finnish" by Martha Leivestad.
So I think we'll just dive right in.
[Finnish:] Hey Martha, how are you?
[Finnish:] Hey Olli...
[incomprehensible]
...What about you?
[Finnish:] I'm feeling very good.
[Finnish:] Except that I have to sit here with this old crow.
[incomprehensible]
[Finnish:] Yes! I don't understand why I can't find a sweetheart.
FOTOTO
[incomprehensible]
Little... hahaha
[Finnish:] Oh Martha, I can tell you what I want, you're my best friend.
You are... [incomprehensible]... Olli.
Kristoffer... Live... [incomprehensible]
[Finnish:] Okay. Shall we get back to the show?
Uh... Hahahaha!
Yes, okay.
[incomprehensible]
[Finnish:] I also love you.
Thank you. - Thank you.
It was quite a gift. - Yes.
Kristoffer, what do you have?
There is a lot that Olli is missing in his life.
Integrity.
Respect.
Authority. Etc.
You have had a quick journey in these four programmes.
I'm starting to gain a lot of confidence.
But what you miss the most,
is perhaps the recognition that Atle receives.
Because you don't have a chair as big as Atle's.
We can all see that.
You haven't brought an equally large chair?
You have a throne.
But you haven't brought an equally large throne?
No, god. I'm not an idiot. - Good.
Because you realise that I still hand out the points.
Yes, yes.
You are beautiful and wonderful.
Beautiful and... - Don't worry about it.
And hot. - Yes, yes, yes.
And sexy. Very sexy man. - Yes, it's enough now.
Smart! - It's enough now.
To have the position you have now, where you can wave people in to you,
then you need grande cojones.
And Olli doesn't necessarily have that in the same way that Atle does.
But it's also possible to practice it.
So what I have brought is a pair of underwear.
Theatre underwear
which Atle Antonsen used during The Magic Flute in 2015.
Wow!
God! - That's fantastic.
Lovely.
Don't touch the back! - No.
Put it down. - This?
What I'm most unsure of is what this spot is.
I'll just say, where were you when I had it on.
No, but it's... It's... - Kristoffer.
I can't say I miss it either.
But it was fun to see it again. - A nice reunion.
Very top. Espen?
I was going to find something that Olli was missing in his life,
so I wanted to get to know Olli a little better.
I tried to google him and find out a bit more about him.
And then I discovered what he's missing in his life.
So I sorted it out.
That is a Wikipedia page about you.
Because that didn't exist. - No?
And I was also well aware that it's Atle who will hand out the points,
so I wrote an article on Wikipedia about Olli Wermskog.
"Olli Wermskog, born 1985 in Finland,"
"is known as the one who is not Atle Antonsen"
"in the extremely popular TV series Kongen Befaler."
"Without Antonsen, Olli would still have been"
"an unknown improvisational theatre performer"
"in a secluded basement venue in Sagene." [part of Oslo]
"There is broad agreement that if Olli,"
"contrary to expectations, gets a career of his own,"
"it is on Atle Antonsen's merit." - This is good! This is good.
This is good.
Everything you wrote was obvious, but it's still nice to have it in print.
Live, what do you have for us?
Something that you, Olli, miss in your life,
is a bit difficult to understand from the outside. I don't know what that is.
At first I thought I had to take something away from you to make you miss it.
But I have to give all my respect to your kindergarten,
because it was not possible to pick up your kid without having an agreement.
So that didn't work.
But... - Nice try.
Yes. So then I had to think differently. And then: "Now I've got it."
What you lack in your life, Olli, is fame.
I will do something about that now. You can thank me later.
I just want you to enjoy a moment now
that you can still walk the streets in peace.
Because after this, your life has changed.
Here you go. Three, two, one.
Now you are famous!
"The woman's place is in the kitchen (and in bed)"
Yes, take pictures. Take pictures. Get it out.
Snap, snap.
This is going to go viral, Olli! - Get it out there.
It's viral!
Olli Wermskog, are these your opinions? - It's absolutely awful.
I don't know what it says. - Damn you.
You're the new Andrew Tate. - They are already starting to ramp up.
Without knowing what it says, I stand by it 100 percent.
I do. 100 percent. - Now you can see what it says.
Yes... - All right.
That's good. - Now it can't be undone.
No no. Those are my opinions...
I want to say already that I am very pleased
with what you have come up with. It's a very high level.
And we're still missing one. Henriette.
I also thought about something related to Finland.
I was thinking of baking some Karelian pies.
What is that called in Finnish?
"Piirakka". - Piirka...
Piirakkakkaka. - It's in a way... Yes.
Or building a sauna. But I haven't done that.
I have gone a bit more in the direction
of you being a sidekick,
a very good sidekick. But maybe an eternal sidekick.
So I want to give you something that you're very clearly lacking in your life,
namely, your own bust!
Oh my god!
That... That was great.
Me too. - Yes.
Yes. - Nice try.
It's great. It's just a shame that I don't get to keep it.
That's the winner of today's programme.
It's not just great, it's damn expensive too.
That was generous.
But you will never get my pedestal.
This must have been... - It was big.
Don't sit and hold it. It's not yours.
Give it back to her. You got to hold it for a bit.
I'm sorry. - Then it's back.
Put on the red blanket too.
We're going to hand out some points.
Kristoffer, you get one point. - I'll take that.
That's purely because it's an unusually high level today.
Martha, you get two.
But it was a very good try, as I said.
I think... You know what I'm going to do?
I'll give you three points, Live.
And then I'll give the golden bust a five.
You get four points, Espen. - Thank you so much!
Well done!
Olli, now I want a task that is about life itself,
which shows how fragile it can be,
but also how far it's possible to get despite this.
Yes, so you want to see egg-throwing?
Egg-throwing is what I want to see. - Then you'll get that.
Now the weather is lovely. - Very lovely.
"Throw this egg the farthest."
"The egg must be whole when the task is over."
"The distance is measured horizontally."
"The distance is measured 'horizonally'."
"The longest valid throw counts."
"You have 20 minutes."
"The task starts now." - "Ready, set, 'eggo'."
Okay, what is 'horizonally'?
That's what I'm wondering.
No, that's what I'm wondering too. - Yes.
Horizontally.
Straight ahead. Straight... No, don't, Olli.
Is that allowed to do? - That's something else.
'Horizonally'.
Wait, is that what it says? "Horizontally". Horizontally.
Horizontally? - What is that?
We can't go past you, Martha. We won't do that.
Have you done a lot of things 'horizonally' lately?
It's an incredibly difficult word to read, isn't it?
What is? - Horizon...
It's not the worst word to read.
She has been lying a lot horizontally. You should know what it is.
The participants must throw the egg as far as possible.
It is this one egg that matters. - A raw egg, of course.
They can try as many times as they want, for 20 minutes,
but the egg must be whole when the task is over.
Because you're going to use that egg later?
Yes, that's right.
I'm going to make beautiful Easter decorations.
That's why I want them whole.
Shall we just get started? Here is Live, Martha and Henriette.
"The egg must be whole."
But everything is risky.
How does an egg you throw not break?
I'll boil it.
I'll put it in the kettle. That's the fastest.
Maybe there are eggs here.
Ok.
We'll find something else as well.
A mattress!
You have spent six minutes. - I have spent six minutes?
Oh my god!
I'm trying really hard to think: "Is there another way to do it?"
Ok.
No!
You have to do some work with that bag.
Be a bit more cooperative.
Work with me here!
Okay, I only have one egg left now.
I think the answer must be no.
Tape the blanket around it.
Okay.
If it doesn't crack, I'm going to scream.
I don't know how, but it's whole. - You're kidding!
You're kidding! - No.
Motherf...
It's not possible to understand how that happened, but it was masterfully solved.
What happened?
I became a Christian for ten seconds straight after.
It was an absolutely fantastic experience.
It shouldn't be possible. This must be a winning throw.
It's definitely a winning throw
if you had protected and looked after the egg in the time afterwards.
I don't know if you remember... Let's just see what happened.
No! - No, no, you didn't get greedy?
Yes. You still have 3.5 minutes left.
No, I can't take it.
You'll try again? - Yes, why not? [in studio: What's happening now? I don't understand what's going on!]
No!
So it's like this... - What is it?
The task was for you to throw it as far as possible.
"The longest valid throw counts. You have 20 minutes."
"The longest valid throw counts". That wasn't a valid throw!
"The egg must be whole when the task is over."
You could have stopped after the first one,
but you chose to throw one more time.
Live! - I don't think you understand
how much I've been looking forward to showing this off.
It's the worst thing I've seen. That you managed to screw that up.
That's just sad. I think this was painful.
Shall we see more?
Absolutely. Let's take a look at Kristoffer.
Okay, now we're going a journey of 11,495 kilometres,
from Sobral on the east coast of Brazil
over the Atlantic Ocean, over the Indian Ocean,
and over to... - Malaysia.
Here it comes.
Are you ready?
Done.
I can't take any more!
I can't take any more. - Is this accepted?
Then there will be a complaint. - There will be an official protest.
So, now it's...
Is it approved? - It is approved, yes.
That is not okay.
Of course, you get the distance you threw from your hand to the hat.
47cm. - 47cm.
Worth celebrating. - 47.
You are allowed to try. - That made me happy.
But it's stupid to try.
But for the time being, it's enough for second place.
That's true. - Yes.
We still have one genius left.
Let's take a look at how Espen solved this task.
Hello. - Yes, hello.
Egg.
Yes.
It's the very definition of an anticlimax.
You are the essence of an anticlimax.
You nailed it.
Now we know 100% what an anticlimax is.
It was beautiful. No need for redundant comments.
We just want the points.
Henriette, Espen and Live: zero points.
Then it's Kristoffer with his 47 centimetres.
Second place. Four points.
And Martha: 17 metres. Five points. Congratulations.
Here are the scores now.
And in total today, the standings are...
Martha is in the lead. Fantastic.
Live is at the bottom.
We have come to that time of day
where I say it's time for a break.
And I say we'll be right back.
Atle, would you say that you and I are like two polar opposites?
A South Pole and a North Pole, in a way? - Where are you going with this?
Well, they have a sort of magnetic attraction towards each other.
No. Next task.
Yes.
Hi. - Hi.
Sorry.
"Attach as much weight..." "Attach..."
I have difficulties reading and writing. - Dyslexia?
No, almost, but I didn't quite get the diagnosis.
I got other things, though.
"Attach as much weight as possible to the magnet."
"Only using magnetism."
"You can't move the magnet" which I assume is this.
"The result is read on the scale in 20 minutes."
"Your time starts..."
"...now." OK fine.
I'm assuming it's like this...
I feel I'm on the right track.
Like that.
It isn't more difficult than that.
They must attach as much weight as possible to the magnet,
which can hold as much as 250 kilograms.
And what they attach to the magnet must be attached with magnetism.
As long as they know what kind of objects are magnetic,
it shouldn't be that difficult. - But that depends.
It usually always depends on something.
With this group, and in general. - This time as well, in other words.
Here come Kristoffer, Espen and Henriette.
I realise now that I don't know how magnetism works.
Porcelain? - Yes.
Porcelain is not magnetic.
Thinking about it now makes me want to...
All this added up might weigh around two kilos.
This is just a diversion. Fuck! I'm falling into the trap.
"Using magnetism."
I can't think of anything that... Refrigerator!
No, it would be very stupid to try to move a refrigerator in here,
and then it doesn't stick to the magnet.
I think we have got it all the way in.
Then... - No!
No! You can't be serious.
It makes you want to stop the time there.
Let's see. It isn't...
Does it work?
This can't work...
Come on.
No!
There you go. Goddamn. This is awesome.
There.
Okay, if you lift it a bit... I'll try to put... Under...
Time is up.
Thanks for your help. That was very kind.
There.
30 seconds left.
No, it won't stick. But can I... Like this?
Now I'm not even holding it.
Ten seconds left. - That's fine.
Time is up. - My time is up now.
Yes.
Yes, you started cautiously with a porcelain cup.
I felt so fucking ashamed after I went home.
I will never be near porcelain cups again.
Embarrassing! - Yes, it's quite embarrassing.
But also quite well solved.
It's the most embarrassing thing you've done so far,
but it ended up being pretty good.
Too bad about that fridge. - Yes, it was a bit sad.
One would've thought... I don't think it was a bad thought
that refrigerators must be made of enough magnetic...
There are so many fridge magnets out there.
There are.
There are two people left. Let's take a look at Martha and Live.
Olli! Hang on. Hang on..
"...as much weight as possible. You can't move the magnet."
Oh no, I'm so stupid.
I don't want to participate in this programme.
You've been at it for two minutes. It's been quite a journey already.
I am a very emotional person.
You will get to know me.
Are there other things?
Maybe I can attach the table?
Come on.
Fuck.
Ok.
Olli!
Shit, I'm becoming that type.
I'm just saying, why are some things magnetic?
Is that a philosophical question?
Come on! Fuck!
Why is this magnetic? I don't get it.
Yes! I'm going with this.
Damn! Now I'm happy!
Damn it!
Sorry.
I promised myself not to be so angry on this show.
I was supposed to be a bit like...
Like what? - Don't talk to me right now.
Yes!
Ok, I'm back. I'm back in town.
It's cute if this is...
Like that.
I'm... I'm happy with this.
And the time is up as well, I imagine?
The time is up as well, I imagine?
There.
Yes, this is...
It's like the Chaos Sisters.
It's fantastic. You two should make a TV show together
where you just find out things that everyone already knows.
I don't think Martha should do TV. She should become an engineer.
Or an artist. - What an installation.
Or an artist, yes. It looked like something the Autumn Exhibition would display.
And what an enthusiasm every time something other than just a screw sticks.
Yes, do you want the results? - I'd love to get the results.
Sorry, Henriette, it was zero.
It had to be zero. - It was zero kilos, so it's at the bottom.
Live, three kilos.
Martha, 5.4.
Kristoffer, 16.2. And Espen, 21.6. - Yes!
Five points.
Now I'm really super motivated, super motivated
for the next task. - Yes, that's great.
Tough!
I always smile when I enter the room.
Hi. Oh right.
I'll take that. - Yes.
"Make music with something that isn't normally meant to make music."
"The best listening experience wins."
“You have one hour."
"Your time starts in one, two, one-two-three-four."
One hour? What kind of expectations...
...are these?
"Make music." No, damn it.
And one, and two, and one-two-three-four.
I can like this. This is a task for me.
Finally a task for me.
Espen, I like that you approach all tasks with a certain skepticism.
It's almost like you're surprised.
"Is this a task programme? What's going on? Another task?"
"One hour?"
I get why you reacted on the one hour,
because then you realised that the bar was set higher. Then you really...
It was awful. When you get that much time, you can't...
You can't hide behind the excuse that you
had to come up with something in a hurry.
You have to be excellent when you get that much time to prepare.
I can see that everyone's shaking in their boots.
There's probably a reason for that.
We will be right back after this break.
The task should be easy to understand, but perhaps a bit more difficult to do.
The participants will make music with something that usually
is not intended for making music with or on.
And they have a whole hour. - A whole hour, Espen!
But we'll save you until the end, Espen.
Oh, so we'll take all the others first. Here are their attempts.
I will try to find... I will choose a melody.
Bach.
No, more like Cow in the tunnel. [a quite monotonous children's song]
♫ Look, there comes a cow in the tunnel ♫
Where is Cow in the Tunnel?
♫ Look there... ♫
So that doesn't work.
♫ 25 years of my life ♫
You know what? I'll have that as a plan B, if the time suddenly runs out.
Ok.
"The Waiter's Complaint"
by contemporary composer Henriette Steenstrup
with Olli Wermskog on percussion.
Thank you very much.
Yes, it...
This listening experience is called "Stormful night",
and the final sound might be a sunrise.
Then it was this Cow in the tunnel.
Now I don't feel good on the inside.
I'm approaching 4 Non Blondes here now.
Then it's time for the world premiere of my piece of music
which is called "Insults and Compliments".
By, with and for. Three, four.
There once was a little jokester who had many difficulties.
He was allergic to shellfish, nuts, pollen and carrot.
...earn a good amount of money.
This was a poem about Olli,
but also a tribute to the multi-artist Atle Antonsen,
who manages to put up with him season after season after season.
Atle, hurrah, hurrah, hurrah.
I can't do it.
♫ And so I wake in the morning, and I step outside ♫
♫ And I take deep breath, and I get real high ♫
♫ And I scream from the top of my lungs, What's goin' on? ♫
♫ And I say hey, hey, hey, hey ♫
♫ Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey ♫
♫ I said hey, what's goin' on? ♫
Thank you.
So...
Did I mention that you got one full hour to prepare?
One full hour to get that brain working,
roll up your sleeves, stand your ground and get some real results.
This was one of the worst things,
and that's actually saying something, because there has been a lot of shit.
Where should I start? We can start with you, Live.
No, you know what? It took you one hour to end up with that rake.
Then you try to save it by having people -
which is something you normally make music with - sing.
You didn't save yourself on that one.
One full hour. -I didn't?
I think your head is embarrassed by you.
Let me check. Yes, you're right.
Yes, I believe I am. Jesus!
But we still have Espen. - Yes, let's see what he ended up with.
Yes, let's take a look at Espen.
What I hope this does not turn into is like a pathetic exercise
in rhythm with strange things.
I think that's so lame.
Yes, I think that's it for me.
Yes, well, no one is going to come and say that this was impressive either.
The downside here is that you are past the age of five.
A five year old boy would have been happy with that.
And you also got a little help from the video editing, which the others didn't.
I'm very curious how your head is working now.
I don't think I was the worst of them all.
No, I'm certainly not saying that. It wasn't the worst of them all.
But that doesn't mean I will use the entire scale when I give the scores this time.
Have we reached that point?
Yes, we have. No-one here deserves five points.
We have to be that honest. Look at yourselves.
There are professional people represented here.
Over there too.
No-one gets five points. No-one even gets four points!
No no no. Live, one point.
Martha, I'm fucking giving you two points.
I really appreciate it, Atle.
The rest get three. Now we're done with this task.
This has never happened.
Let's forget about it.
Then we can see how things are going in the totals.
Three people at the top.
Live? A bit weak.
It is exciting before the very last task
which happens here on stage. Get up there.
We have come to the last task.
And yes, we have mixed things up a bit.
This is a team task.
We have divided you into two teams.
The two at the bottom, Live and Henriette, are one team.
The other three are a different team.
What you have to do is draw.
Don't just draw, but draw first on the back of the one in front of you,
and then on the canvas.
Live and Martha, you will be allowed to see a drawing.
It should be drawn on the back of the person in front of you.
And that person will draw it on the canvas.
You, who are three, have to go through an extra person.
You are not allowed to talk.
The drawing Atle thinks is the most similar to the original
wins and gets five points.
The other team gets one point.
You have one minute. We start in three, two, one.
Right. - Ok.
Are you following?
Yes.
Yes. Good.
You can see the drawing over there, Atle. Does it look nice?
It's not quite finished yet.
It's a bit early to say that it's perfect, at least.
But it looks very good, everything they are doing here.
Yes. Half a minute left.
If we hadn't seen what Kristoffer is doing at the front,
one might wonder what this is.
Does it look like... - It's alternative.
Looks like something they do in Nesodden. [town with a lot of alternative people]
20 seconds left.
You're moving around on my back all the time!
It's impossible to find out where I should draw!
You are not allowed to talk. - I'm just doing as I'm told.
Talking is not allowed, but yelling is fine.
Five seconds left.
Five... four...
three... two... - I think we're on target, Kristoffer.
One.
You must stop there.
I don't even dare to look. - Step away from the easel.
Kristoffer, step back. I don't want any cheating.
We'll take a look at the results in our regular seats.
There has been drawing. - Yes.
There has been drawing.
Yes. You decide, Atle. - There was a lot of skill here.
Should we look at the original first,
or the results? Or all three at the same time?
That's the original. [Norwegian cheese slicer]
That's the original.
The first time some of you are seeing it.
Some of you probably had no idea that this is
what you were supposed to draw. Shall we take a look?
We can look at... This is...
This is Henriette and Live's.
Their soft ice cream.
Or a torch. - Or mushroom.
It's not quite the same. - No.
But there is something there. - Yes.
Shall we look at the others'? - Yes.
That's a poor man's slicer.
It looks like the cheese that the slicer is used on.
There is little doubt that the girls ran away with the victory in this task.
That means five points for you, and one point for the rest.
What does that mean for the total, ladies and gentlemen?
This is where today's results will be revealed.
It is Henriette Steenstrup who runs away with the first prize!
And those are all the things that Olli needs in his life.
You even get the bust for yourself.
You can go home with a hint of pride intact, Henriette,
while the rest of you should get your act together.
We'll be back next week.
Then you can get another chance to excel here in Kongen Befaler.
Thank you very much. See you!
Original Norwegian subs: Hanna Ness Huseklepp (Iyuno-SDI Group)
English translation: u/msbtvxq
Valiant attempt at translating Martha's 'Finnish': u/Rikuz7
Proofreading: u/taskmastermaster