No, no, no, no!
"I'm brilliant"
Welcome back to Kongen Befaler from Drammens Theatre,
where we give people a new opportunity to
solve their tasks in a completely mediocre way.
Then I'm first and foremost thinking of you, Olli Wermskog.
Yes. Thank you.
Thank you. Life is more than just work, work, work.
Right? - Is that right, Olli?
I don't know. That's what people say.
That's great.
But we must welcome our participants:
Leo Ajkic!
Karin Klouman!
Lars Berrum!
Hani Hussein!
And Vidar Magnussen!
Let's see how it's going after the first programme.
Look at that.
Pretty close. Vidar and Leo are at the top with 17 points each.
Leo, you seem like the type who...
doesn't exert himself above resting heart rate
to solve the tasks.
What is more important to you, getting points, or not getting tired?
I feel like I've given it my all, and I think I might have
became short of breath at one point during the season.
I think so, man. I have given it my all.
I remember one task where you were short of breath.
But it has clearly worked, because you are right at the top.
You're up there with Vidar.
Are you as surprised as I am that you're in the lead?
Yes.
But as my father always says:
"Behind every corner there is a cellar,"
"where it's painful to be."
I understand where you get both your darkness and absurdity from.
Thank you.
Lars, before the first programme I thought:
"How nice and reassuring it is to have a nurse in the studio,"
"in case something happens." Now I'm thinking:
"Shit, how scary it is that there's a nurse like this on the loose in Norway."
Yes, NRK Brennpunkt has made a documentary series about problems
in the Norwegian healthcare system. In episode 7, I am the problem.
Enough talk, let's get down to business. First task!
We'll start with today's first task, which is the prize task.
Today you have asked the participants to bring in a good pair.
Kind of like the two of us.
Yes! Shall we start with Hani? - Yes, I can start.
I have brought a pair of mittens.
When I lived in Trondheim, as a student,
I had a room-mate who knitted a pair of mittens for me,
which was very kind of her. I usually take good care of things,
but this particular evening I lost one of my mittens.
and I was very disappointed and a bit sad,
because she had put so much love into them.
In house shares, not everyone takes everything with them when they move.
So while walking around at home, I found this.
Inside it said 'AT', and I didn't live with any 'AT'.
So I took it, and this has now been my go-to pair for years.
Two different mittens.
So the dysfunctionality in the pair is what you like?
Yes, it makes me feel unique.
And it's always a conversation starter. When people see it,
they wonder why I have two different mittens, and then I have a little story.
It's noted. - They are a very good pair.
Leo? - Okay, I was thinking
that since I wasn't born in Norway, I can play with the Norwegian language.
That there can be two meanings in one, and that I meet both.
So a 'good' pair, because the pair isn't bad,
and a pair I've 'walked' in. ['good' and 'walked' sound the same]
So if someone says "Are they worn out?" "Yes, I have 'walked' in them".
You know what I mean, since you're from Bergen.
These are shoes that I have walked a lot in, which were good for me,
but if you like...
If you like vintage and like to reuse, you can use a little glue.
Sew them back together like Jenny Skavlan. [known for making clothes with reused materials]
Then they'll be as good as new, man.
You have a ragged pair of sneakers,
and are trying to pull the immigrant card and say that it's a play on the language...
It's not the immigrant card, man. I just feel that old, cool things like this
get more valuable over the years, man. They become vintage.
They're not useless, but vintage.
It's a used pair, in a way.
A so-called excuse is what it is. Lars? What do you have under that red thing?
I have brought a good pair.
Oi. - Which I have made myself.
It's a cake. - Impressive.
It's two... What's it called? It's a pair, in cake form.
I have made cake shoes.
I don't understand how this doesn't answer the task perfectly.
It's a good pair. Everyone likes cake. Good. Pair.
At least Leo pulled the foreigner card. What do you have?
I have a good pair! - I think it's very impressive.
But people's tastes are different. Maybe marzipan isn't good for me.
I stayed completely silent during your whole reasoning.
It's not like I didn't have the opportunity to poke holes in your story.
Have you baked it, Lars? - Yes, I made it.
And it's edible? It's not a prank?
Salt dough?
It's actually really good!
Okay, let's move on. Karin?
I have brought the best pair I know of. And that is:
Chips and chocolate.
And-And!
Not just any chips. These are crème fraîche flavour Sørlandschips [brand].
And milk chocolate. Leaf-thin 'milk hearts' from Freia [brand].
And together they are... They're so good!
Do you want to taste? - Of course.
Is it some kind of 'Sørlands-Smash'? [comparing with a chips-chocolate called 'Smash']
Yes, it kind of is. I have perfected it over several years.
May I take note of the fact that you have brought a kilo of each?
Couldn't you have just brought one chocolate and one chip?
Yes, but this is just the right amount for a 'cosy' evening.
It's a 'cosy starter'. ['cosy' as in 'hygge']
I see. - Right? Taste it.
I'm kind of wondering if you are trying to compensate for something. With the amount.
No, absolutely not. Just taste it.
You'll eat it like a burger?
It is really good.
What is... It's a bit difficult because...
It's very subjective to venture down the road of taste.
It's very subjective. Because you have to meet my taste.
Yes. But do you think it tastes good? - I don't know.
I'll tell you later. - No, come on!
But right away, don't you think...?
I don't think it's that good now, but for your sake I think
it could grow on me while I look at Vidar's solution.
It's in your best interest that I wait for a bit before making my mind up.
Because so far, I'm not that impressed.
Really? - Yes, sorry.
What didn't you like? - The taste.
Vidar! - Hello.
What the...
[Spenol is a popular brand of Norwegian hand lotion]
Yes. Spenol and...
The classic combo of Spenol and Playboy.
Are we that programme now?
This is supposed to be a family programme.
Can't you tell the viewers at home why this is a good pair?
Yes, I can. - Yes?
The story begins like this... - Oh, Jesus.
I was alone in a room.
Do you want to keep listening? - Yes.
I was probably seven years old.
I had just started school,
and I struggled quite a bit with something called atopic eczema.
At school we had to handle paper a lot,
and I got a really bad breakout.
I remember that in this solitude I watched a lot of movies.
And one of those movies was ET, and I couldn't find...
Even back then I had started to wonder who had made it.
How did they make such an amazing story?
So, in-depth interviews with directors and actors.
Seven pages of in-depth interviews were in these magazines.
So I was enjoying myself with that.
But due to my paper difficulties,
I had to lubricate my hands to be able to read them.
That is a true story.
We have been thinking about these tasks for a bit,
so when I was looking for what could be a good pair,
I called my brother and asked him if this was a good pair.
And he said, "Yes, it's a great pair".
Then I talked to all my friends, and they also said that this was a really good pair.
I don't know if everyone has that story behind it,
but everyone I spoke to said it was a good pair.
What did you think it was about? - I thought the same as him.
What did you think I was thinking?
What you said. - Yes?
Then it's fine. - Great.
Yes, I also thought that Spenol shouldn't be used on atopic eczema.
That's what we're thinking, right? That was a strange choice.
There are other options.
Apobase would have been a better alternative.
Yes, and hydrocortisone. We were-
An interesting discussion about ointments there.
Yes, everyone has shown their solution.
Let's see. This is difficult.
But the last place isn't difficult, because that's Leo.
Sorry, but you hadn't thought of that until ten minutes before we started.
That wasn't good enough.
And then it's Hani. Sorry.
Really?
But 'AT', if you're out there, there's your mitten.
Karin, you're in third place, because I think crème fraîche chips are disgusting.
I'm sorry. - You didn't like it?
No, I didn't.
You made the mistake of going for something as subjective as taste,
and I might be a bit picky about that.
Then it's between these two boys.
Vidar, a good story and a nice delivery.
And it's probably a good pair,
but it's not cake you've made yourself,
which tastes amazingly good!
Ladies and gentlemen, it's Lars!
Five points!
Can't you give me some fun tasks to watch now?
Yes, I thought we could go for some lifting.
Lifting, yes. That's one of my favourites.
But that task wasn't first and foremost a lifting task, but more of a:
"Make a trap and walk into it yourself" task.
Yes, it mainly was.
Are you filming this? That's really embarrassing.
I hope for your sake that it gets cut out.
"Find something you can lift."
"You have 3.5 minutes. Your time starts now."
Am I supposed to impress with my lifting?
Done.
How much do you weigh?
About 89 [kg]. - That's heavy.
Oh, that was a mean thing to say.
No, I...
I don't understand the task,
but I'm going for this one.
I've chosen to lift the entire globe.
Yes, you can lift it.
I can lift it.
Are you ready? - Yes.
That was 89 kilos.
That was pretty good, wasn't it?
Yes...
No!
What are we going to do now?
Fuck!
Now I'll be punished for this choice.
Fuck!
"Transport what you've chosen as far as you can in 10 minutes."
"Your time starts now."
No, I'm not getting punished,
I've been brilliant!
See you.
Genius!
Isn't this a fun task? Yes, it's a fun task.
I think it's so funny that you're all like circus animals.
Everyone wants to impress right away.
It's very funny.
I'm sure if I had asked you what your names were,
you would have said: "Vidarinus Magnusonsis".
Everything had to be big and heavy and... Very fun!
Yes, we remember that they had to choose one thing.
And then they had to transport it as far as they could in 10 minutes.
Who do you want to start with? - Maybe the one
who chose to go for 89 kilos of tenderloin.
That's what I want to see.
Karin? Okay, we'll look at Karin.
I have decided to remain completely calm this time.
Completely calm.
There! Jump in!
Olli! - Yes, I'm ready.
Please!
Yes...
It's okay, Olli. Just relax.
I'm in complete control.
No!
Let's go!
Look, a squirrel! Look!
I can see it.
Oi, fuck there's a bump over there.
It's okay, Olli. Hold on!
And... time is up.
It was heavy.
It's funny that the last thing you said
was that you would stay completely calm.
But it changed like this when you got started.
And at the end, you had more in you, didn't you? - I gave everything.
You could have made a bit more effort.
I gave absolutely everything. - I'm kidding, I could see that.
I had the taste of blood in my mouth.
It was heavy with 89 kilos up that hill.
But it must be said...
Once you had fallen into the trap of selecting 89 kilos,
you got surprisingly far. The trolley was very good.
How far did she go? - Let's see here...
"Our journey", as I like to call this journey:
365.3 metres.
Wow. That was pretty good.
Can I ask a question, Karin?
What do you think yourself? Do you think it's good or bad?
Not so good, unfortunately.
Because I think the others used the car.
Do you think Lars could have carried a leaf further than that?
Yes. - I think he might have, too!
Can't we watch the rest? - Yes.
I'll take the car.
I am very happy with the choice.
I hope someone has chosen something really heavy.
I am smart! I am smart!
One minute has passed.
I'll take this.
Now I have been brilliant!
I hope a car will stop now.
No-one's stopping, man!
Come on!
Excuse me?
Are you free? - Yes, yes.
I need to go as far as I can in 10 minutes.
It's absolutely brilliant.
Here is a Porsche. Hi!
Thank you so much!
Leo. Nice to meet you, man.
And out on the highway...
Now we can enjoy ourselves.
It's a lovely road trip. - Very nice.
I could have transported it...
by car.
Yes, you could have.
Ouch. Fuck.
Time is up in three...
two, one...
And there. - Off!
Time is up. - The time's up, yes.
Thank you so much, Atle. - Have a nice day.
I really appreciate it.
There is room for self-scrutiny.
I love you, Vidar.
That Joker moment of yours with the laugh...
That's you at your absolute craziest!
Now there has been some time for self-scrutiny, what have you thought?
Well... I've thought. I have.
The couch was so painful. There were nails sticking out on the side.
So it was like a proper catharsis for me.
You know, they're not designed to carry on your back.
No, they're not.
Let's see the times. That's the only interesting thing.
The distance, yes?
Vidar, you beat...
Karin. - No!
538.7 metres.
No! Really? - Yes, actually.
How is that possible? - I wonder about that as well.
I think I've lost the car thing.
He said, "My kid lives three minutes away, I can't drive any further."
"Can I have a selfie?" Then we took a selfie and were done.
So I didn't get 10 minutes in a Porsche.
No, but that guy was terrified.
What can you expect then? - Is it because of me or the hammer?
It's a combination, I think.
Still, he drove you 2.2 kilometres. That's not bad.
Lars. 3.9 kilometres.
Hani, 6 kilometres and five points.
Justified self-admiration. Five points to Hani.
In total, the standings after two tasks are like this.
Okey-dokey. Congrats. Adverts.
That will be fun. See you soon.
We have seen how good people are at transporting things.
Now I want to see how good they are at looking for things.
Yes, for example a vegetable?
It doesn't matter to me what they're looking for, as long as they're looking.
Ok.
Hi. - Hi.
No!
Do I have to eat?
I can't handle chilli.
Yes, man. I like this. - Hello.
"Find the bell pepper (paprika). The fastest wins. Your time starts now."
Find the bell pepper? Isn't this also bell pepper?
All owls are birds, but not all birds are owls.
Now I'm starting to overthink.
Do you have a bell pepper in your pocket?
Is there a bell pepper down here?
Strictly speaking, it doesn't get much easier than this.
The participants just have to find the bell pepper as fast as possible.
I could hear some know-it-alls talking about all chillis being bell peppers,
"all owls are birds", and stuff like that.
But just to make it clear: this is a bell pepper,
and this is a chilli.
Alright? And if anyone wants to discuss it, they get zero points.
Does anyone want to discuss it? - I disagree, but it's up to you.
In this room...
Leo, if someone wants to discuss, they automatically get zero points.
Do you want to discuss?
No, but if the democracy decided... But if the king decides, fine.
Alright, then we've got that over and done with.
So it's this red bell pepper. - They had to find this red bell pepper.
Show me how it went. - Here comes Karin and Vidar.
This is a bell pepper.
Bell pepper.
Shall I stop the time? - Yes.
This is... No, this isn't a bell pepper.
Fuck, start the time again.
Fucking hell!
I don't know if it's the last one that still stings or if it's this one. Fuck.
I can't see... Is this a bell pepper or a chilli? I have to taste.
I'm going to die.
It is...
Oh my...
Bell pepper!
I've stopped the time.
I think.
You took a big bite.
They often start out as bell peppers at the tip.
And then towards the end, its true face emerges.
I don't know. I don't see any bell-
"Paprika-ville". Straight in there.
You can't be serious!
No!
Is there more milk? - Yes, in the kitchen.
It's so lovely to see other people's suffering.
Yes, it is.
You didn't just taste it, you ate the whole chillis.
But once you've started a journey... I say no more.
And it didn't say anywhere that you had to taste anything.
That's right.
Is that how you look for things at home?
Yes.
We have more. - Yes, we have more.
I thought I would only show Leo. - Only Leo sounds nice.
Maybe a playhouse like this is called 'paprika' in Norwegian.
Is it in here?
There is a bell pepper in here, yes. - In here? Where?
What the fuck, man?
There it is. I stopped the time. - For fuck's sake, man.
That's good.
I just want to say:
First of all, it's cool that you're the one who wanted to discuss it,
when you found it in, like, two seconds.
You did very well.
But I also noticed that, when you found it,
and said "motherfucker", or whatever you said,
it looked like you were going to kill Olli.
Can we watch that clip one more time?
What the fuck, man?
Boom!
You solved it fantastically.
And still you went straight to wanting to beat him
and argue the rules. But that's cool.
Do you want to know exactly how long he took?
Yeah I do. - 21 seconds.
We have two left.
Yes, two giants within the same field. Height.
Bell pepper one, bell pepper one, bell pepper one.
Jesus, what does a bell pepper look like?
How can you immediately tell what is a bell pepper and what is a chilli?
Well, it's usually easy to tell.
Bell pepper one, bell pepper one, bell pepper one.
There are so many stupid people here who just eat everything.
I won't be that stupid.
I'll take this. No, I will not take this, Olli.
Is he or she called bell pepper?
Nice suggestion. No.
Oh, fuck.
Was it hot? - Yes, it was a hot one.
Now I'm in trouble, because I can't taste anything.
Oh, god damn it.
Is this a bell pepper?
Yes, can't this be a bell pepper?
Wait, here's a damn bell pepper.
Shall I stop the time? - Yes!
Are you satisfied?
Yes, I am.
Are you satisfied with your life?
I hope not.
Damn. That was fun.
You never found the bell pepper.
No.
I knew it was a task like this.
That's what annoys me the most.
That there was a twist?
Yes, and I checked everything inside the house.
Apart from what was at your eye level when you came in?
Yes.
It should have said "bell pepper" and then an arrow. That might have helped.
I saw the bell pepper for the first time now.
Me too.
That's good, at least. - Really.
Then I'll ask the rest of you who saw the bell pepper:
Did you feel... not PTSD... but, for like five or six tasks afterwards,
I was looking for it in other tasks, as well.
Like, "Where's the bell pepper? It's not here. Okay. Read the letter."
Neither of you could find the bell pepper,
so you should both be disqualified.
But I think it's boring to disqualify people,
so I want to give you one more chance.
We have hidden a bell pepper here in the studio.
The first person to find it, and give it to Olli, has won.
Yes, okay. Here you go. - Lars, you are too slow.
That's a bell pepper.
Congratulations, you got a point.
Let's recap the whole bunch.
Lars got zero points, Hani got a consolation point.
Karin, 5:13.
Vidar, 4:39.
And Leo, 21 seconds. Five points, congratulations.
It's time for some advertising. See you later.
Olli, did we ever get to use that speed camera for anything?
The one in the garden? Yes, we got to use it.
Shall we look at the speed camera task?
Do you want to see it now?
Yes, I want to see it now. - Then we'll see it now.
What a speed.
Yes. Is that a... Is that a traffic...?
What, traffic? - Is it a... speed-taker?
A speed-taker? - Yes, a speed-taker.
Is that a speed camera?
Yes.
"Get the speed camera to take a photo of you."
"Highest speed wins. A bonus point for a good photo."
"You have 20 minutes and one attempt. Your time starts now."
Ok.
What's the speed limit here?
Yes...
Yes, what is the speed limit here, Olli?
It is completely open, because the participants set it themselves.
The one with the highest speed past the speed camera wins.
A life-threatening task. - Yes, yes.
And we agreed to award a bonus point for a good photo, didn't we?
That's right. Do you want to see Hani and Karin, for example?
Do I want to see Hani and Karin? Of course I do.
Then we will.
Do we have a bicycle?
Do we have a moped?
I can't get a car over here.
Toot-toot!
I want to swing past it.
Do you think we can do that?
Stop! - Stop there?
Yes!
Okay, Olli, hold on tight. Remember to smile.
Why is it beeping?
Okay. One, two, three!
Are you ready? - Let go!
Ready. Set. Go!
Oh, that was good!
That was fun.
That was really fun!
It was fun! - Yes?
It was fun. Fun!
Was it fun? - It was really, really fun.
Quite fun?
Very fun. - It looked fun.
It was nice to swing around. - It was a good solution, too.
Both fun and good.
Will it get a bonus point?
We'll have to see the others first.
You want to see everyone?
I can't give out a bonus point before I've seen them all.
Okay, then we'll see the rest.
"Bonus point for a good photo."
Stand here.
Down on your knees. Yes! Yeah, we'll do it, man.
Then, Olli Wermskog, I want you to take a seat here.
And then I thought I would barbecue at the highest possible speed.
Right.
I'll come barbecuing down here.
Three, two, one, start!
One, two, three!
That was good, man. Got my hand outstretched.
Made a face like this.
I couldn't have done it without you, man.
Do we have any sparklers?
Yes...
A firework in the ass is never wrong.
That's what I was thinking.
It was a homage to Hank von Helvete. [lead singer of the band Turbonegro]
It seems like all three of you went for the charm point,
without thinking of the five points for winning the task.
I thought about that when I hit the ball.
But I had imagined that I would be better at hitting the ball.
Hani was good there.
I was uncertain. I thought about a lot of speed stuff,
but I didn't think it was possible to get a lot of speed from there.
The speed is the most interesting.
Do you have the times? - I do. As long as...
The ball for Lars, is that alright?
The ball for Lars is okay.
It didn't say that Lars had to have the high speed.
No, but you never know.
Then you will get the speeds.
Surprisingly, the car is at the bottom.
No!
You backed up just enough to drive about half a metre
before it took the photo.
You got up to 17 km/h.
I think you're being a bit strict here.
Oof. What a shame.
Just take the photo a little later!
Why was it taken right away?
Then we'll just go back and do the task again,
and take the photo a bit later.
No, we won't!
Just be satisfied with 17 km/h.
Then I want the ball to be photographed the second Lars hit it.
There was a point where the photo was taken,
where the speed camera was marking.
Yes, there are rules here. - A bit like how speed cameras work.
Leo, you were second to last.
You had 19 km/h.
Vidar, 23 km/h.
Karin, 25 km/h.
And Lars's ball 39 km/h.
Yes!
And then we have the bonus point.
You could get a bonus point for an astonishingly good photo.
For me, it's between Karin and Vidar.
Karin already had a pretty good speed.
But we have to think about this in isolation, as a bonus task.
I think it was very fun that you were "dissing", as we call it in Bergen.
"Swinging".
You think that was very fun? - Yes, because it was so simple.
I think it was great.
Not as fun with fireworks in the ass?
No.
No? Honest matter, that. - No, but I think it was very fast.
Vidar and Karin, both of them!
It was witty and fun. One bonus point for each!
Thank you!
Then Lars and Karin are in the lead together in this task.
You won it together.
But we can look at the totals so far.
Yes!
14, 14.
Then it's time for the last task of the day, which is up on stage.
Get up!
A warm welcome to portrait darts.
You have made it onto the stage.
There is a spinning wheel over there.
The goal is to eliminate each other.
You do that by throwing darts, one at time, and hitting someone's face.
The person who is hit loses a 'life', and has to take off a heart from their chest.
You have three hearts in different sizes.
If you don't hit anyone, you yourself lose a life.
If you miss the entire wheel, or hit Bård, in the middle,
you lose three lives, and have to sit down.
If you only had two lives left, you are most definitely dead.
The person who is last in today's programme so far is you, Hani.
No need to rub it in. - You can start.
If you hit someone else, that's great.
Yes, it is.
Let's go.
Not me, not me!
Oh!
Be careful now!
Okay. - Not me!
Ok!
Sorry!
Sorry.
Lars, then it's you. - Okey-dokey.
Goodbye, Hani!
No!
Well done, Lars!
Then you can choose who has to throw next.
Then I want Leo out.
Yes. Leo?
Who is leading?
Who is leading today, so far?
You know it's not me. - Not me either.
It's not you? - No, no.
Vidar, maybe not you. - Not me.
Boom!
Sorry! - That was beautiful.
Are you going for revenge, Vidar? - No idea.
You were! Not.
It was very close to revenge. - Yes.
But it wasn't revenge.
Oh, Vidar!
Oi! - Now you're out.
You get to decide who you want to throw the next dart.
Exciting, exciting.
Do you have two hearts, Miss Leo?
I have two hearts.
Do you have two in the face like a porn star?
He is so good.
Let's keep the suspense: Karin.
Hi! I'm ready.
Then I'll take out Leo.
No!
Oh no! - Take off all the lives.
Sit down next to Vidar on the loser's bench, over there.
The hearts are off. Who do you choose?
Hani, you can start. - I don't want to! Okay.
It's fine.
You are allowed to continue.
Yes.
Wasn't even close. - Then we have a winner.
Yes, we do. - Leo.
We have a winner, but get back in your seats,
and we'll go through the points.
That was an exciting little round.
Did you enjoy yourself, Bård?
I think it was very fun. - That's good.
I can repeat the results.
Do you remember who was eliminated first?
That was me. - Yes!
One point for you, Lars. Vidar, two points.
Karin, three points. Hani, four points.
And Leo, five points. You won the darts task.
In total today, the standings are like this.
No! - Oi oi oi!
Once again, it is Leo and Vidar who are at the top, with 16 points each.
The winner of the programme today is both Vidar and Leo.
Get up and take these good pairs home with you. Enjoy them.
Some taste good, some taste bad.
We'll be back again soon. Goodbye!
Original Norwegian subtitles: Iyuno
English translation: u/msbtvxq
Proofreading: u/taskmastermaster