No, no, no, no!
"I don't have a license, is that okay?"
Hello! Welcome to the Drammen Theatre,
and another episode of Kongen Befaler.
In this programme we will give you bread and a circus.
And with me, as always, I have the man
who has to skip the bread because of his gluten allergy,
but who loves the circus:
Olli Wermskog!
Yes, thank you. Thank you.
How are you doing? You look like you're doing well.
Although your face always looks indifferent.
If you don't mind me saying.
Sorry, I didn't mean to push those buttons.
Enough about you.
Let's shift our focus to our five participants,
who range from the best to the absolute worst
we have in the Norwegian entertainment industry.
Leo Ajkic!
Karin Klouman!
Lars Berrum!
Hani Hussein!
Vidar Magnussen.
Now it's time for the prize task, the first task.
What are they bringing today?
I quite like music and sounds, and stuff,
so today the task was to bring something that makes the wrong sound.
I'm very excited about that.
Who do you want to start with?
I'll start with... Maybe Leo.
Me? - Yes.
I have brought something that definitely makes the wrong sound.
I was in Thailand,
and I was watching kickboxing,
where they had a lot of great instruments.
Each match had some kind of ceremony with music.
But I didn't have time to buy... What's it called?
A souvenir.
Then I was at a full moon party, a party on an island,
right before I was leaving.
And there I saw someone sitting under a tree
having a good time with this instrument.
So I asked if it was sort of like a flute or a saxophone.
And he said: "Same, same, but different."
So then I realised that this was something akin to that.
And it also came with a lighter, and...
I don't know, rosemary, tamarind, or something.
So...
It makes the wrong sound.
That's noted.
Lars.
Yes, I have brought something that,
in my opinion, makes a very wrong sound.
I was at the same full moon party as Leo.
While he was playing that flute, I had to save lives.
Because someone had snuffed it,
probably after taking something other than that flute.
This is a defibrillator, to restart the heart.
The thing about defibrillators is what we always see in movies,
when someone is lying in the hospital bed and their heart stops,
you put those instruments on them and give them a shock.
Interesting that you did just that.
We can try... If I were to give this doll a shock.
Shit.
Now I've given the shock.
Are you serious? - No!
There's nothing? - It's not that sound! - What?
Never! But you think it's that The Voice sound.
Hollywood, come on! - It is completely silent.
And when you use a defibrillator,
it notifies you of everything that is about to happen.
It shouts, "Give the shock now. Get away from the person."
"Press 'shock'." "Shock is being given now."
What an anticlimax. - Then it's completely silent.
It's almost like, if I have to use a defibrillator again,
I don't know if I'll bother.
The sound is what you care about.
Informative. Thank you.
Karin. - Yes.
I have brought something. - Good.
It's starting...
But I would like to give you some background information first.
And then you will hear a recording
that I took with my mobile phone.
But first I'll just tell you a little story.
It's not a long story. I'm starting now.
A couple of years ago...
...I went to a cabin with some friends.
"Where no-one would believe that anyone could live". [name of a popular TV show]
We were in a completely deserted place.
There was no-one there.
We were sitting around a fire pan,
in the dark, in the middle of the night.
There were no people there. Do you understand?
Now I understand. - In the middle of the night. It was 4 o'clock.
Suddenly... we heard this...
Were you at a cabin in Morocco?
Did you forget to check the fire pan?
No. We got so scared,
since there wasn't supposed to be anyone there,
so we then realised that we were going to die.
That there were some crazy people out there who were killing each other.
And they were coming to kill us.
So we went back into the cabin, barricaded the doors, found weapons,
created a guard system, so no-one would
fall asleep during the night, in case the killers came.
We were meant to be there for two weeks,
but we left at 6:30 the next morning.
Just speeding home to Oslo, because we were so scared.
And then I found out, after two weeks, that this was...
a lynx.
A tiny little cute lynx
that had been sneaking around the cabin, making that sound.
And this wasn't an angry lynx.
It was the lynx's 'pleasure' sounds.
It was a happy lynx? Can we hear the sound one more time?
Now I hear the pleasure.
That was fun.
It was the wrong sound.
Totally agree that it sounds wrong.
I'm a sucker for animal sounds, and that was totally...
I wouldn't have gone home though. - Yes.
"What does the lynx say?" You haven't done that one. [referencing Ylvis' most famous song]
Surprising. Vidar. - Hello.
I have many children, and you get tired of children.
There's a lot of stress. You have children yourself, Bård.
It's a lot of stress, and many things that need to be done in everyday life.
And helping with homework is perhaps
one of the most boring things I know.
Yes, that's in the bottom ten in life.
Yes, because it's such so low level.
At least my children at that age. It's so low.
Mine too. Completely out of it.
So I just completely stopped helping with the homework,
because I know the wrong answer will come if they don't read.
So I just say, "Read, cram, do the stuff."
Then I put this bear in the middle of the table.
They'll be doing a maths problem,
and when they have finished their maths task,
if they are going to ask dad, they press the bear.
"That's wrong."
"Wrong, wrong, wrong."
There are many too? - There are several modes.
The more they press, the more needy these kids are.
I'm starting to get bored, and that becomes gradually more clear
"Maybe you should start googling low-paying occupations."
"I'm starting to wonder if you are my son."
This is 'daddy of the year'. At least you win that.
Thank you. I am proud of my fatherhood.
Hani. - Yes, so...
Bård, I've been moving around a lot lately.
I have a tendency to move into fully-furnished flats, stay there a bit,
and then I'll move on.
And when I do this, the flats are usually quite clean,
because those who lived there before have cleaned out.
But I always like to do an extra round of cleaning before I move in.
So when I moved into the flat I live in now, I had this vacuum cleaner,
which worked really well.
But then it started making this sound.
That's not right.
Have you...
Do you live in a harmonica shop?
I have no idea... It hasn't always made that sound.
It suddenly just started.
It's a really fun chord, too, because it starts out kind of like...
Like it's not in the middle of the song. It makes me want to sing.
Yes. It's also a bit like: "the train is coming".
Yes, so that's what you have.
I think Leo gets one point.
And two points go to…
The defibrillator is very informative,
but is it more Dagsnytt 18 than it is entertaining? [daily radio news magazine]
The sound wasn't that exciting, but I really appreciated it.
It's not long until she'll appear on Dagsnytt 18,
after burning a lynx in the fire pan without realising.
I have never done that.
Yes, that's what you did, but you haven't realised it.
Are you saying that the teddy bear comes high up?
It's fabricated.
We have to deal with reality. - Yes, I kind of agree.
One point to Leo, two to Vidar. I agree, although it was funny.
Three points for that one. - I am satisfied with that.
Of course you are satisfied with that.
Then it's between Hani and the lynx.
Yes.
It's four points for the vacuum cleaner, and five for the lynx!
That means you walk away with five points. Congratulations.
I want a task. What do you have? - I have a thing with eggs.
Eggs are great. - Do you like eggs?
I love eggs. - I'm allergic to eggs.
Oh right, eggs.
Hey hey.
This looks fun.
"Place the most weight on these eggs."
"Ten kilos are deducted from your total for every egg that cracks."
"Olli will measure the result in ten minutes."
I'll just put them in here.
Why are those cups here?
Eggcups? - Yes.
What is it that I don't understand?
Yes.
We don't have time to go through everything you don't understand, Lars.
It's not that complicated.
It's pretty simple and straightforward.
I measure the weight placed on top of the eggs after ten minutes.
There will be a deduction of ten kilograms per egg that is cracked.
I want to start with the one
who doesn't understand what the eggcups are for.
That's a good one. Then you get Lars, and I'll throw in Vidar.
I don't know what is a bad solution.
That might be what we're about to see now.
Now we're underway.
Do you think this will go well?
Do you think it will work?
I haven't heard anything.
I don't know what you define as 'cracked'.
That wasn't a nice sound.
It cracks... There are some eggs that crack-Hello.
I dont know what-oh...
Goodbye, 'King's Cup'. [prize for winning the Norwegian Championships]
What if I had just run over all of them with a car?
And then let it subtract?
I'm doing that.
Your time is up.
You have to give me some notice!
You took off the chair?
No, fuck, that was bad.
That's too bad.
I want to quote you from an earlier episode where you said:
"That was close to a brilliant solution."
Now it was. If you had run them over with a car,
it might have weighed two or three tonnes.
And if you had subtracted, what is it, 250 kilos?
Then you would have still had several tonnes.
But you didn't.
But it would have been brilliant.
You didn't get that much weight.
Are you wondering how much it was?
Yes, please give us some numbers.
Yes, the numbers are...
Lars, you had 10.5 kilos weight on your eggs.
One egg... Only one egg cracked.
So then you get 500 grams.
That's not too bad.
Whereas, Vidar, you piled 20.3 kilos on your eggs,
but you cracked four eggs, so you get -19.7 kilos.
That's a bit funny. He has minus 19.
So the others could have just walked in,
and walked straight back out, and would still have beaten Vidar.
But they didn't.
Do you want the next one? We'll take a look at Karin.
This is quite heavy. - Yes.
Isn't it? - Yes.
It's actually really heavy.
That was good.
Can eggs actually withstand a lot of weight?
If they stand together?
Is that a thing? Can I google it?
Yes!
"It's not by chance that eggs have the shape they do."
"Eggs can withstand more than you might think."
"Since ancient times, man has been inspired by nature"
"to build constructions that can carry a lot of weight."
Three minutes left. - Yes, yes.
How should I do this, then?
What should I do?
25 seconds left. - No!
Five, four...
three, two, one...
I thought, "Finally someone who attacks and reads up on it."
"And attacks it academically."
But at the last second...
things go wrong. - That's often how it is with me.
It was promising for a while, but now it's not so promising.
It resulted in three broken eggs.
And zero weight.
So that's -30 kilos, then. - Right.
You're not last anymore, Vidar. - That's Karin.
Ready for more? Hani and Leo.
Yes, okay. And then, slowly...
Then we put it down.
It has the same effect as when the hen sits on the egg.
That's what I'm trying to do.
Something soft and feathery.
Yes, then I want you to lie down on top of it.
Yes, it's good.
Oh shit!
Okay, Olli. Crawl on.
Yes, I hear some sounds.
And then I think that I will carefully...
sit down on top of you. Like that.
Then it's five seconds until I measure.
Then I'll apply pressure. Like this.
How many kilos of pressure is there?
It's a hell of a lot.
There. Time's up.
Let's see.
Don't look at me.
Okay. Thanks for having me.
And then you get to find out...
I feel like I've abused a teddy bear.
Yes, exciting.
Hani, did you feel it went well?
Yes, I did. I see that I cracked quite a few eggs,
but I think I had enough weight to beat some of these guys.
Olli? - Yes, that summed it up well.
We can start with...
Leo, you pushed down 64.6 kilos, and cracked two eggs.
So it's 44.6 kilos in total.
Mine, Hani's and the teddy bear's weight
was 174 kilos, with 12 cracked eggs.
So that's 54 kilos, and you get five points.
Then we can see that Karin ends up in last place
with these standings, here.
There, yes. Vidar two, Lars three.
And in total today, the standings are like this.
Look at that. - Ay-ay-ay!
Hani up in the lead. - This has never happened before.
But it happened now.
Now it's time for a little ad break.
We'll be right back.
Do you have a new task?
Absolutely. I thought we'd take the one with a children's game.
Top. - Top.
Should I sit down? - Yes.
Are you looking forward to it? - Yes.
"The floor becomes lava when Olli blows his whistle."
"Save yourself."
Which floor?
Which floor are we talking about?
I'm off the floor. This is the staircase.
Yes?
"Save yourself"?
You're saving yourself already. - Yes.
Where is your other foot? - I'm not touching the floor.
Yes, I'm standing on top of something.
Yes.
No!
That's so mean!
"Get as far away from where you are now. The floor is still lava."
"You have four minutes. Your time starts now."
Fuck!
Yes, yes, yes. Here we play the well-known game 'the floor is lava'.
But, of course, we have given it a little twist
where the participants must get as far away as they can in four minutes.
Most of them have chosen the desk as their starting point.
Quite naturally. Leo, you chose the stairs, and there you were quite lucky,
because we have defined stairs as a part of the floor.
But there is carpet on those stairs, and you are standing on the carpet.
So it's acceptable.
Then we can watch everyone except Lars.
No!
"The floor is still lava."
"You have four minutes. Your time starts now."
Is the rug lava? Is the rug lava?
No.
Why do I always have to make it so exhausting for myself?
There is a shopping trolley... in the shed.
Can you go get it?
Ok?
How do you think this is going? - Very well, Olli.
There. Time's up.
Can I drive a car?
Does the letter say anything about that? - No.
But I don't have a license. Is that okay?
But I'll take the bike.
There is no air in the wheels!
What are you thinking now?
Now I'm thinking that these are okay. That's not the fucking floor.
Ok.
Yes.
Wasn't that pretty good? - Yes.
I'll just go through here.
Karin, I have to quote you on that.
"Can I drive a car? I don't have a license. Is that okay?"
But I love the effort.
You can easily take down a kid to win Kongen Befaler.
That's great. I appreciate that. But...
Do we have any results? - Yes, we have some distances.
Hani, it wasn't that far.
That's what I thought when you asked me to get the trolley.
I wouldn't normally have done that, but you were in there,
it would take a long time. It will never work out.
"I can go get it." I think that was fun.
4.3 metres for Hani.
Vidar, you got 15.7m.
Leo, you made it to the second flight of stairs.
That's where we count from.
Because it didn't have carpets. 22.4m.
And Karin 853 metres.
But we have one left.
And that's all we have time for today.
See you next week.
Dramaturgically, you have either gone really far, or not far at all.
Are you looking forward to seeing it, Lars?
No, you shouldn't, because it sucks.
"You have four minutes. Your time starts now."
But what is... So, is the floor... If the floor...
So the rug is also eaten by the lava?
No. - So the rug survived the lava?
That's logical.
Is it any wonder I didn't bother playing this when I was a kid?
Fuck!
Can we see it one more time?
It's really funny that you have said so many times in this series,
that you don't want to be 'that guy'. That guy there.
It's so sad. It's so embarrassing.
If only I had given up...
But I kept trying. Just plunging into the door.
It's... Yes.
Yes, it was top ten pitiful performance.
Yes, it was pitiful.
But your distance…
Surprisingly enough, you walked exactly the same distance as Hani. 4.3 metres.
At the very back. Which means, Karin, you win.
Five points.
Boo!
No, Olli. - No? Alright.
Task, then? - Task is good. What do we have?
I just have to warn you first that this could get very scary.
Thank you very much for the warning. - It was for... Okay.
Yes, where is it? - What?
"Document that this house is haunted."
Okay.
"Most credible and shocking documentation wins."
"Your time is up when the wall clock strikes."
Because I like to scare people.
The participants must document that the house is haunted,
and they have 45 minutes.
I'm very excited to see if someone manages to convinces me,
but I'm going into this with an open mind.
Who should we start with?
How about the one who spent the longest time?
So, it took 45 minutes,
and the solution was the longest. We can start with Vidar.
Where were you when Oddvar Bordeaux broke his hand?
[referencing a famous Norwegian question: "Where were you when Oddvar Brå broke his ski pole?"]
Something happened one autumn evening...
in 1833.
That Oddvar...
had an accident at work, and cut off his hand.
And the rumours say that the hand Oddvar had
is still here in this house.
I'll take a trip down to the basement.
There are quite a few bloodstains.
Shall we look at these bloodstains?
Yes, you can actually see it here.
Look at this.
There.
Shall we see here?
What the hell!
There's the hand. Can you see that?
Fuck! We have to close the door.
There.
Fuck. Look.
Fucking hell.
The door is open again.
Okay. He can't have come in here.
Fuck!
I just have to get out of here.
Open the door!
Wow!
That's not bad.
What's surprising is that, although I realise
that it's not true, it's actually a bit scary.
It is a bit scary.
I am a trained actor. - Yes, I get that.
An amateur wouldn't have been able to do that.
And that hand on the ground there,
it was moving its fingers a little bit.
I don't know if it was luck or on purpose, but it was scary.
You have put in a lot of effort. I'm taking note of that.
I also note that the terrified Vidar Magnussen swears a lot.
That's interesting. - The happy Vidar Magnussen does it too.
Yes, swearing is cool.
Leo? Let's look at Leo.
It's difficult when you don't believe in ghosts yourself.
Should I just take a photo of the people
who work here before they get their morning coffee?
Fucking hell.
There. Did you document that?
Look.
I got scared, for real.
I don't dare to be here anymore.
I don't know if you saw Vidar's effort here.
You read the task, bumped into the clock,
and asked if anyone else had documented it.
Finished. - There was a ghost there, man.
Now, don't wear yourself out completely, Leo.
Time for a breather, for both you and me.
See you after the break.
Should we just do like Leo, and move on as quickly as possible?
This is Lars.
I got a camera.
Typical Blair Witch Project camera.
I'm actually in your house because I've been sent out to check for ghosts.
I don't believe in ghosts. So I'll go straight up to the attic.
The scariest place of all. Then we'll check if there's a ghost-
It's completely dark in here.
I don't think there are any ghosts here.
But let's take a look.
Ok.
Olli, you shouldn't be... Did you see that?
Fuck, now I'm also starting to get a little nervous here.
Jesus, did you see that? Did you see?
The books just went down.
Damn, it's coming after me. Jesus.
What is this?
A horse and skis are coming towards me.
I've been pulled towards it. Fuck.
- In a house
with a kitchen full of knives, and a shed full of saws and axes,
you've gone for the classic combo: rocking horse and skis.
But good effort. - Yes, but...
Vidar's job must have a prototype as well.
I feel like this was kind of the pilot of Vidar's film.
But it came in the wrong order. - Yes, I agree with that.
That was really embarrassing to watch.
It was a bit embarrassing.
Should we get the girls onto the pitch?
We have to get the girls onto the pitch. - We can look at Hani first.
Hani, do you remember what you did?
Yes. This was a real experience.
I was supposed to do an task in the lab, and there was a ghost there.
I was scared for real.
I don't remember much of it, but we can take a look.
"Your time starts now."
Ok.
No...
No, ok.
I feel it in my whole body.
What are you doing? - What are you talking about?
I think I'm going crazy.
It's too scary to be in here. - Okay.
No, I can't touch you.
I'll stop the time, then. - Yes.
Real scary.
Scary.
I feel some emotions, but I don't know if it's fear or sadness or...
Embarrassment. - Embarrassment, yes. I got embarrassed.
If you had been there, you would have peed yourself.
It was good. - It's good that you managed to document it,
so that we could experience it. But what did you feel?
I was scared for real.
What you didn't get to see was that I asked Olli if he felt anything.
But he said that he didn't notice anything.
Then he vanished, and then he's back... That was a lot.
I don't remember anything, so...
I know, right? - Shall we watch the last one?
Yes, we can take a look at Karin.
Actually, maybe you would like to introduce it yourself?
Do you remember? - Not completely. It's a bit blurry.
But I remember that there was a lot of fuss.
Yes. - To do this.
And I think I'm going to be really embarrassed by this.
But I think it could also be scary.
It is up to you guys to decide.
It's up to Bård to decide. - Strange introduction.
Enjoy yourselves. - Yes, we will. Go.
Yes!
Wow. - Wow.
Very good.
This was actually quite scary.
At first it was scary because it looked
like you were going to show Olli naked. That made me terrified.
Luckily he had pants on. And upside down on the ceiling?
I thought that was very impressive. I think...
I think we can start there by saying that…
No, we can start with one point. One point: Leo.
I was thinking outside the box. Come on, everyone made films.
Okay, I'm changing my mind. Five points. No.
It didn't get any better just because you were
thinking outside the box. It was too simple.
But I didn't think that I ran into the clock.
I thought it was a ghost. I was like, what...?
I saw now that it looked cheap, but when I was there, I got scared, man.
Then you can write a book about that experience, and publish it.
Then I'll buy it, and if it's 'kickass', we'll reshoot this.
So you get one point. I think we'll give Lars Berrum two points.
Huh?
I was just trying to think about what the others did,
and now that I've done that, I agree.
It wasn't that bad, but the others actually...
I'm quite satisfied.
Hani gets three points. Vidar, you get four.
And Karin, of course, you get five points. Congratulations.
This means that the result looks like this.
And in total so far today, these are the standings.
Oi. Oi-oi. - Yup.
Karin, you're in the lead.
We have one final task today. Get up on stage.
Now it's time for the last task.
You will very soon, while blindfolded,
play the popular and traditional game,
'service-bell-on-the-helmet-tag'.
As you can tell from the title, you will try to ring each other's bells
without anyone ringing your bell.
If your bell is rung, I'll blow this whistle.
Then you're out.
Then you can go sit down on the bench
and we'll continue with the ones that are left.
Anyone can take anyone at any point.
I would recommend you to be a little careful
with one another, since you can't see anything.
And it's an unfair game. Lars, you're a lot taller than Karin.
That's just how it is.
Now you can start moving around,
and I'll say when you can start catching each other.
Move around a bit. Then we start in three, two,
one...
Yes, it... It's...
No!
Freeze where you are.
Karin, you're out. You can sit down.
The rest of you just stay there.
That was surprisingly fun to watch. - Yes, that was fun.
Then round two continues now.
Yes. You can freeze. Freeze freeze freeze.
Hani, your bell was unfortunately rung.
Fucking hell.
Okay. Then there are three left. Third round starts...
Is that what we looked like?
Have we stopped? - No.
It's... - I didn't understand anything.
Now there are two left.
Ok.
Have we started? - We're starting in three, two, one...
Yes.
Vidar, you can sit down.
We can see how the results turned out,
but we'll sum it up down in our seats.
That was fun. - We can conclude that. That was fun.
Unfair, yes. - Absolutely.
It's Kongen Befaler, it might be unfair,
and we don't take that into account [Norwegian: height]. Literally.
But you used your height to your advantage.
Yes, I did.
We all saw that, but we can summarise.
Karin, you unfortunately went out first.
One point. Hani, you got two points.
Leo, you came third. Three points.
Vidar and Lars battled it out, but Lars five points, Vidar four.
Which looks like this. - I needed that.
We can see how it looks in total.
And today's winner is...
Oi oi oi!
Congratulations, today's winner is Karin.
Come up and collect lots of prizes with the wrong sounds.
We'll be back before too long.
See you!
Original Norwegian subtitles: Hanna Ness Huseklepp (Iyuno)
English translation: u/msbtvxq
Proofreading: u/taskmastermaster