No, no, no, no!
"Meny taimes"
Welcome to Kongen Befaler at the Drammen Theatre,
where we will see our participants solve tasks that you at home
might think, "Oh my God, I would have done so much better."
Much better than Leo Ajkic!
Karin Klouman!
Lars Berrum!
Hani Hussein!
And Vidar Magnussen!
And wasn't there one more?
Olli Wermskog!
Yes, it's time for this season's second-to-last prize task.
I've been looking forward to this. The category today is
something that makes Olli more attractive than Bård.
Yes, I gave you free rein on one task.
And I took this. - And that's how it turned out.
Good luck with that! - You're a handsome man.
I'm not ugly. - No.
What are you laughing at, Karin?
No, no, no...
Poorly timed laughter. We can start with you, Karin.
Yes... Oh...
You were voted Norway's sexiest man.
Second sexiest after your brother, Vegard. Is that right? In 2015?
No, he ranked far down, and it was in 2011. Let's not talk any more about that.
I've brought something,
but it actually requires you to take off some clothes.
Is that...? - Cool. Is that...?
Just take off your jacket and unbutton your shirt a bit, if that's okay.
Yeah...
So far, I feel like you're making him more attractive.
For now. I have brought something for you, Bård.
Right. - And that is...
...really the most 'unsexy' thing I know of in the whole world.
I think it's so incredibly unsexy.
And that is...
a shark tooth necklace. - Yes, that's right.
So... But seriously.
Can't you put it on?
I don't know of anything that-
You have to tighten it a bit hard.
Up around your throat.
I could have just brought my own.
Right?
Already there we're kind of done, but...
There's actually nothing more unsexy than this.
What you're telling me when you wear that is that I...
Just look at you.
"I'm a person who kills animals, sharks"
"and I prefer to pull out the shark's tooth and wear it as a necklace."
So a trophy hunter. - Yes, yes.
The lowest kind of human. - Yes.
Do you think everyone who wears this kind of necklace has killed it themselves?
No! And that's even worse.
You haven't even killed the animal.
You've gone into a store and said you want to wear something
that tells people, "I'm a person who kills animals."
But I'm not even tough enough to kill it myself.
The lowest of the low.
The very, very lowest. Ugh!
And as soon as you put on a shark tooth necklace,
it's almost like you get a new stench.
You smell bad.
It smells a bit like yoga socks, incense, wet dog,
and foot odour, you know. - Yeah. Cool.
Yes, that was my... That was my contribution.
And it was really bad.
Message received. Well delivered.
I think I'll keep this on. Is that okay?
The necklace stays on. - The necklace stays on.
I felt surprisingly comfortable with a little necklace like that.
Right, that's good. - That's not bad.
Yes, who should we see next? - Let's see... Maybe...
How about Lars? - Yes.
That's alright by me.
Hello? - Can you help me?
Can I help you? Of course. What's on your mind?
I'm having a terrible day and need someone to talk to.
Not just anyone. Someone who is empathetic.
Someone who isn't just focused on money and status.
Preferably someone without an annoying dialect.
Absolutely.
Simply, someone who doesn't wake up with
an erection after dreaming about themself,
and who doesn't go through their day with sharp elbows,
thinking: "Me, me, me!"
Do you know anyone like that?
That's a good question.
You should go to Olli.
Good, Lars!
Thank you very much.
That was very sneaky. - It was pretty clever.
Yes...
But she could have memorised the script.
Like, she had to bring the script.
If you spend 500 kroner on an extra, then...
That's what you get. - I didn't pay her anything.
She did it for free? - Yes.
The task was to make him better than me,
not to talk me down on prime time TV.
Do you think I'll be generous with the five points
when you're dissing me like that?
I didn't think about it... - You didn't think about it that way?
No, but in fear of repeating what I did on this task
in the last two episodes,
I've tried to stick quite rigidly to the task,
which is to make Olli more attractive than you.
And that is obviously what happened.
Yes. Great.
Then it depends on how professional you are.
Yes... The task didn't say anything about that.
Ok, let's move on to Vidar. - Yes. Um...
I have made two paintings of the two of you.
and I have received help from an AI,
artificial intelligence, called Mid Journey.
What turned out to be difficult was that...
when you're doing it, you're not allowed to joke around too much,
and you're not allowed to be mean.
So I had to find a sneaky way to do it.
So I have...
On the first painting, I had to write...
I uploaded a photo of Olli, got it to understand the photo,
understand the structures, and then I said "much more handsome".
And then he... - Did you type it in...
Yes, I typed a sentence.
"Really handsome warrior Olli stands in front of a vague coat of arms"
"together with his friend, a dragon, who just made it into the picture in time."
That's how it turned out.
A different guy?
No, that's Olli.
Yes... - Yes, yes.
And then it was time to put in your photo.
Since it was hard to write negative things,
I had to write: "Bård Ylvisåker, a man"
"with insanely low self-esteem, after his book"
"Us with low self-esteem - a self-help book didn't sell at all,"
"sitting in the warehouse with all his unsold self-help books"
"with only a little turtle to comfort him."
You are the weirdest person in the world.
Even the turtle is sad.
Okay. That's a nice contribution.
Thank you.
Hani?
Yes. I thought a lot about this task,
and then I realised that, in my life, there is one thing that has made
my very pretty girlfriends suddenly end up with
not very attractive men.
That thing is not something I relate to,
but I understand that many others do.
And that is...
alcohol.
Right.
So if you now get really drunk on vodka,
I think Olli is going to look extremely, extremely attractive.
So you're going to pour me drinks
until I'm so drunk that I become so ugly
that he becomes better looking than me?
Exactly.
Advanced thinking. - Yes.
Doesn't it usually work the other way around?
That you drink it yourself, and then...?
That depends on what kind of... - You're the one who has to drink it
so that you get so drunk that you think "he'll do".
Don't bother her so much with the technicalities. She doesn't drink.
No, I get it. You probably don't drink much.
No, not at all.
Received and delivered.
Leo?
I did a lot of research. What makes someone attractive?
Men and women are a little different.
Women are often like, they'll hear people
say someone is, for example, popular
or good at handball.
Then that person becomes attractive.
But we're more like, "Let's see a picture!" That's more us.
We have to see a picture of the girl who plays handball.
I'm not going to go down that route,
since it can take a very long time
to convince people and spread rumours that he's popular and cool.
So I thought I'd give him instant coolness instead.
So I thought I'd lend my voice to Olli.
Wait, wait.
Let's make the intro again, where you introduce Olli.
So you just mime, while I read out loud.
And for all the viewers at home, you'll have my voice now.
Maybe you'll become more attractive with my voice.
Since the voice is half the experience, right?
Ok.
Do you have a script? - I have a script for you, man.
What should I say?
You'll get something on the screen, I think.
It's an intro. You're supposed to switch over to Olli.
Ok. - Olli, be me, gesticulate.
Welcome to Kongen Befaler at the Drammen Theatre,
where we will solve exciting tasks.
You at home might think:
"Oh my God, I would have done so much better."
Here are the participants, but by my side I have Olli Wermskog!
Yes?
What's up, all girls at home?
Papi Olli is in the house and I would l-l-lick it like a lollipop,
if you know what I mean.
But it's not about what I would have done with you in my hotel room,
Room 304 at Scandic Ambassador,
it's about these five people here,
and what they would have done.
Fantastic! - That was magical, Leo.
Thank you.
Not a smart dramaturgical move
to start at the top,
but a crystal clear 5 points to Leo.
It's also very reassuring that such ugly handwriting
still beats artificial intelligence.
Very nice. - Thank you very much.
Ok, the rest of the gang. What should we say here?
Hani, alcohol didn't work for me. - But what if I give Olli the alcohol?
So he feels really good? - No, it just doesn't work.
Alcohol is too weak. 1 point for that.
Then we have 2 points for...
maybe Lars...
No, that one is pretty good.
I'm giving 2 points to the shark tooth.
Both of you are criticising me,
so you get 2, and 3 points to you, Lars.
Then it's 4 to Vidar.
And Leo gets 5 points. Congratulations!
Beautifully delivered.
That was a mix of funny and gross, so how about we just move on?
Yes, let's do that. Shall we just say spin... table?
Hey! - Hey! Your hair looks great.
Thank you.
Are we expecting company?
"Spin this table the most times in 90 seconds."
"Only spins where all the elements are on the table"
"and the candles are burning count."
"Your time starts when you say..."
"'Welcome to the table. Can I offer you a biscuit?'"
Did you say it now?
No.
Welcome to the table. Can I offer you a biscuit?
Yes, I have started the time.
Yes, the task is very straightforward.
Spin the table the most times in 90 seconds,
and for the spins to count, all the elements must be on the table,
and the candles must be burning.
Yes.
And since the time doesn't start until they say,
"Welcome to the table. Can I offer you a biscuit?",
they have all the time in the world to prepare.
I'm looking forward to seeing some well thought-out solutions.
Just to get the worst out of the way...
let's take a look at Leo.
Right, then... I thought the table was spinnable.
The table is spinnable. - That's 'spinning' [wild].
"Only spins where all the elements are on"
"the table and the candles are burning count."
So I can actually move all the elements from the table,
before I start.
There's nothing that says I can't move things.
And then I can spin like hell.
You spin records, right? - Yes.
Three, two, one and... there.
Satisfied? - Yes.
Yes...
I like how you just chose one of the prerequisites
for the task to be approved, and just ignored the rest.
Yes, now I realised that something was wrong.
I thought about that now.
What was I thinking about there?
But what's funny is that at the end there you have one of those...
as if that makes everything okay.
It usually works, but now I don't feel like it did.
Kaboom and then...
I think I felt like I did it really well, you know.
Beat that, I thought. - Yes, beat that.
It went fast, but a clear disqualification.
Sorry, so it went straight from 5 points to zero on this one.
Shall we look at the rest? - Yes, let's do that.
Let's see if they did any better.
I'll have to think for a bit.
Not just be all...
Some of the other participants might
already be spinning that damn table.
It's going pretty fast.
Aren't I pretty good at this, Olli?
Like this.
Like this. All the elements are now on the table.
I have taken out what was inside. The candles are burning.
Then I'll say: "Welcome to the table. Can I offer..."
I haven't said the whole sentence yet.
Welcome to the table. Can I offer you a biscuit?
Stay on the table, stay on the table.
Are you enjoying yourself? - Yes.
Lars, you have things on the table. Things are on the table.
The spins are going.
I'm getting dizzy.
I think I am pretty good at this.
It's barely possible. - Time's up.
This is one way to do it.
Absolutely. - And you can't deny that...
5 seconds left! - There have been a lot of spins.
And... stop!
Five, four, three,
two, one... there!
One... there!
Yes...
All the elements are on the table.
What was on the table, is still on the table.
Nothing else has happened.
Yes...
Lars?
Take us through the logic here.
What were you thinking when you were standing there at the end,
with those elements in your hand,
and saying that all the elements are on the table?
I don't want to disqualify anyone, so...
Do you have a watch? - Always.
You have 15 seconds to convince me not to disqualify you.
All the elements that were on the table, are still on the table.
The elements I had in my hand have never been on the table.
They were inside the elements that are still on the table.
So you...
What do the rest of you think?
I've made up my mind, but what do you think, Vidar?
Well... A candle is an element.
I totally agree. It's a clear disqualification.
No, I mean... I mean...
As I said, I've been on this show for many episodes,
so I'm not going to argue about it.
No, there's no point.
No, but that's what I was thinking, and it went as always.
It didn't go well.
No, but I still love you.
And here, we're just counting spins, really.
We're just counting spins. - We have two disqualifications.
We have two disqualifications.
Karin got 16 spins.
Vidar managed 21.
Hani got 42.
You collected them all in the middle.
Zero for Leo and Lars.
3 for Karin, 4 for Vidar, and 5 for Hani.
And the total standings for today are like this.
Yes... - Yes...
Vidar is pulling ahead again, but okay.
I'm getting dizzy from this.
We'll take a short ad break.
Yes, Bård...
When you're writing a sentence...
Do you write a lot, by the way?
I write a lot, yeah. - Yes.
How do you usually go about it?
I usually gather a selection of carefully planned letters
and put them in a relatively random order to form a sentence.
And you? - I do the same.
Shall we see how these guys do it? - Yes.
"A SENTENCE THAT MAKES SENSE USING AS MANY LETTERS AS POSSIBLE"
This is how you appear to people.
Yes, it is.
How much do you get paid for this?
"Write a sentence that makes sense,"
"using as many letters as possible, with these letters."
"10 minus points for each unused letter."
"You have 3 minutes. Your time starts now."
That was fun.
There was a lot of frustration that needed to come out.
Yes, there was a surprising amount of frustration.
There's no need to scream, is what I learned from doing this.
I was very irritated with Olli, and just by doing a lot of that...
I managed to let go of a lot of frustration.
The participants have been given a selection of letters available to them and,
with these letters, they must write a sentence that makes sense.
Each letter that is not used gives them 10 minus points.
Yes, and here they actually get the solution served in the letter.
No, because...
When you see it now, yes, but...
That sentence was also in the letter. Yes.
But not everyone wanted it as it was served.
Shall we take a look at it, Lars?
Yes. - Yes, let's take a look.
Å-S-G-E-I-R.
Isn't that a name? Åsgeir? [rare Nordic name]
Which letter are you looking for? - Don't know.
It's none of your business.
Shut up!
Just kidding...
His name is Osgeir now. [not a name]
I need a 'så'. "Laugh now, Osgeir."
I don't know what the hell this will be. Hang on.
It has to be a bit of 'nynorsk' too. [alternative written standard of Norwegian]
"Switch off the monitor and turn..."
10 seconds left.
"Turn me", I'm writing.
"And turn me around now."
Damn it... - Time's up.
Two, one... - "And turn me around now". Goodnight.
Time's up. - No...
Right, so you start here? - I start here.
"Switch off the monitor and turn me around now."
"Laugh now, Osgeir. The cream is so Germanic in Notting."
That's quite good.
To those of you out there in Norway, know this:
"Some people smoke later"
"and the abdomen takes lives 'meny taimes'."
"Some people smoke later and the abdomen takes lives..."
"...meny taimes."
So... you can write that on my gravestone.
There's something I'm missing in all of this.
There's something I haven't understood here, you know.
Now I'm writing...
"A sentence that makes sense."
That makes...
I hope all the letters are here.
Write "A sentence that makes sense."
"Geir [name] is inside the mosque and... is rambling."
No, there's no 'L' here either.
"Geir is inside the mosque and is raving."
Raving? - Raving, yes.
"Geir is inside the mosque and is raving."
Ma... - 40 seconds left.
Where is the 'T'?
I can't see the 'T'! There!
5 seconds.
Three, two, one...
At least it's a sentence that makes sense.
A sentence that gives hope that, in the future,
Geir can be inside the mosque and rave.
Are you satisfied?
I'm not satisfied,
but I'm a little satisfied that Geir
is inside the mosque and is raving.
I didn't see that coming myself.
"A sentence that makes..." - Sense?
Sense.
"A sentence that makes sense,"
"using as many letters as possible."
That's all of them.
Thank you for having me.
Bye. - Bye!
That was fun.
That was good.
That was very fun.
A lot to take note of.
First and foremost, well thought out, Karin.
Very, very good. - Thank you.
Vidar, can you explain to us what "meny taimes" means?
Yes... - Is it Norwegian?
Yes, it's slang.
It's a bit of Swedish-Norwegian mix.
And it has to do with... This wasn't a spelling competition.
But the sentence got pretty dark, yes.
It was about lives being...
...taken and...
Nice that you're enjoying yourself at work.
Yes, I've rarely had so much fun.
"Some people smoke later and the abdomen takes lives meny taimes."
I can't be bothered to be the guy who
nitpicks about spelling and stuff like that.
No, you've never struck me as that type either.
It's so interesting when you care about the rules and when you don't.
Yes, but that's what's nice about my position.
I can choose. But...
Leo? Osgeir?
Well, I was thinking...
Is that from the Bergen dialect, or?
No, what did I write?
You wrote: "Laugh now, Osgeir. The cream is so Germanic in Notting."
It's an expression.
"Laugh now, Osgeir"?
"The cream is so Germanic in Notting."
It's kind of...
It's kind of nothing.
It's... Our culture is on the other side of the pond.
And enjoy yourself, man, because...
Because there could have been something else waiting for you there.
It's an old Viking expression. - Well...
You definitely have a grammatical free pass.
There's no doubt about that.
What did Hani write?
"Switch off the monitor and turn me around now."
Yes.
I'm very insistent when I'm on set.
Then it's like this: "I don't want to see."
"Switch it off and turn me around until I know that it's off."
I thought it was like gaming-sex, or something.
If that's what you want, then that's what it is.
But overall, a lot of fun,
but also many negative points to come.
Are they all approved? - That's insane.
Three of these gentlemen do not have a sentence.
It's... - Yes, we do.
Karin, you're in first place.
You have...
It was perfect.
You are at the bottom, Hani.
Alright!
There are more people named Osgeir than Hani in this country.
No, there aren't.
I'll do what I do at home when the kids argue.
I just stay quiet until it's over. - I just think that...
I've been disqualified so many times.
You weren't disqualified. - No, but I have been before.
Do you want to be? - No.
Hani, 1 point. Lars, 2 points. - I might as well be disqualified. On principle.
Leo, 3 points. Vidar, 4 points. Karin, 5 points.
And here are the results.
It's so not right.
Shall we take the task about animals?
Yes.
Oh, that...
What a show! - Huh?
I love Kongen Befaler.
What a great programme to be a part of.
Have we had a break? Haven't you... - I'm in top spirits.
Let's see if the mood gets better.
Let's watch the task about animals.
"Be an animal in the garden."
"Most authentic animal wins."
"Olli opens the curtains in 30 minutes."
Be an animal?
Olli!
Fun!
That's fun.
I could be a wolf too.
I have it in me.
Vidar Magnussen is probably already
crawling on the ground or something.
I think my dad taught me how to make an elk call once.
A lot of elk will be here in just a few minutes.
This task is annoying.
I'll just take a walk and see if
there's any inspiration that strikes me.
We're about to see how the participants approach the role of animals,
and there's not much else to say about this task.
So, if you please, let's just get started?
Let's go.
Yes. Who do you want to see first?
Maybe Lars? And Hani? - Fine by me. Lars and Hani.
Great.
Humans are animals.
We are.
If I go with being human,
and I'm the only one doing it...
I think that could be smart. Like: "How clever you are."
If more people go with being human, we will all just look stupid.
Yes, here walks the most authentic animal, the human.
Now I'm going to do what all animals on this planet do,
and that is to eat.
And what does an authentic human animal do when he is in a garden?
Maybe he sees something that needs to be tidied up. Picks it up.
Oh, this shouldn't be in my garden.
But he doesn't tidy up properly.
I'll just put it back here,
because I am an authentic human animal,
and never complete tasks well enough.
Bon appétit.
Yum!
Mmmm... cold rice porridge.
Just like all animals love.
Olli!
Hello!
He starts with the task, but eventually he thinks:
"I can do this another day instead."
I let go of the rake,
I think of my wife, who's coming home.
She asks if I've tidied up the garden.
I answer,
"Yes, I have."
Then she goes out and looks at the garden,
and says, "It's not tidied up here."
And then I answer my wife,
"I'm just an authentic human animal."
That's how you solve this task.
I need to take a breather.
Let's have a little ad break.
Yes... - Yes.
That's pretty authentic.
No-one can fault you for it.
Very good human behaviour.
A little tall, maybe?
A little unconvincing height on both, but...
But humans, definitely.
So that answers the task, but I'm not super impressed.
No, but you can't be more authentic than a human.
You can try to be a dog all you want,
but you're not going to become a dog.
With that in mind, let's look at what you chose to do, Leo.
Yes, that works well. - Shall we look at Leo?
There!
Struggling to walk 'cause he's got new shoes.
What in the world?
What were we seeing in the beginning there?
A rabbit drinking water, or going to a watering hole.
Or going out to hit on a woman... - Shadow theatre?
And then the bear comes, or me, and eats the rabbit.
Perfect.
Shall we look at Karin?
Karin is fine.
Do you remember what you did?
Yes... - We'll look at it.
Yes...
It's... so nice that someone occasionally just reads the task
and does what they're asked to do.
You're an animal, and you're authentic.
I thought this was very good. - I do what I'm told.
Yes, you do what you're told.
It feels like being in Jotunheimen. [mountains where many animals graze]
Very good.
You're an actor, and I have to say,
this is some of the better work I've seen from you.
It was very good. Well done. - Speaking of actors and good roles,
here's Vidar.
Fantastic!
That's...
That's pretty much how I thought you'd solve it.
What animal?
It's a 'bush pidgin' from Lørenskog. [suburb outside of Oslo]
Is it a joke animal, or real animal?
It's my attempt at some kind of bird.
A bird.
Well, there's a lot of nice things here,
and a lot of weird things.
Ready to hand out points?
I'm ready to hand out points.
We should probably bring up the old discussion
on whether humans are animals, and all that stuff.
We are.
I'm not going to disqualify you, but it's kind of like...
Oh, yes! The rules are important here.
No... - I understand.
It's important that you listen to my sentences all the way through.
I was going to say that I am in a good mood,
and I will not make any trouble.
But there is a difference between animals and humans.
We must agree on that.
No, we are all animals.
Take Lars.
He's going to Thailand next week.
If someone called you when you were halfway there and said,
"By the way, you've booked a room at an animal hotel."
Would you react to that?
Or would you think, "I'm an animal. That's fine."
Say yes. - If I would react?
He wouldn't react at all. - The food is animal food and...
Well, I mean...
It depends on the food.
There is a certain difference.
But you did something authentic,
so I'll give 2 points to both,
and I feel like I'm being quite generous.
So I'll move on to 3 points.
That probably goes to...
3 points. Then I'm thinking...
You have a sheep, you have-
It's undoubtedly Leo who gets 3 points with a very special bear.
And then it's simply 4 points to you, Vidar, for good work.
And it's 5 points for a very good sheep.
That means these are the scores.
And so far today, it's like this.
Yes, we have reached the last task of the evening.
Get up on stage. - Yes.
We have come to the last task,
and I have been looking forward to this.
We are now in the park.
One-by-one, you will fly in here,
and simply try to poop on me.
What do birds often do?
They poop on statues.
That's a kind of statue.
If you hit me, you get 5 points.
And then the points are ranked based on how far away you are from the bust.
We'll start with the one at the bottom so far today, Lars.
You can go out there and start.
Go Lars!
We're ready for the first one.
It's Lars.
Let's see how it goes.
Go ahead, Lars.
Yes... Feeling?
Not good,
but why...
I always have to be first at these things.
I would have liked to have seen the others, but it was difficult.
But you look fantastic.
Thank you.
Give him a round of applause!
He looks stunning.
Well done, Lars. Next on the list is Hani.
Are you ready, Hani? - Yes.
Ok. Go ahead, Hani.
Was it nice?
It wasn't exactly nice.
I've never flown in a chicken costume before.
No? Lucky you.
Ok.
What do you think?
Should I disqualify you again? No, I won't.
No, but I would like to go down. If I may? - Yes, you may.
Leo is next. - Well done.
Are you ready? - I think so.
Go ahead, Leo.
Yes, currently in the lead.
Ladies and gentlemen, this is the manager of Kamelen [Norwegian rapper],
so feel free to contact him if anyone needs... music.
How does it feel up there?
Karin, it's your turn now.
Here is Lars, there is Leo, and there is Hani.
Ok? - Yes, yes, yes.
Ok. - Do you have any tactics?
No. - Great! Go ahead, Karin.
That was a happy bird.
Always a happy bird.
Yes. - And what a style you flew in with.
Wasn't it pretty good? - Yes.
You hit it. - You hit it.
That's wild. Good. - Good.
Alright. One left. Vidar, are you ready?
I'm super ready.
Go ahead, Vidar.
Yes, yes, yes.
Two bird stunts in the same programme.
Yes!
You look beautiful.
It looks like you're bored.
Yes, I got a bored attitude.
But inside me it's boiling. - Very good.
Thank you. - We'll measure it
and go through the scores down in our seats.
It was nice to see grown-ups fly over the stage,
in prime time, to poop.
Olli, you have measured.
I have measured. We can take a look at this.
There are no direct measurements here,
but pictures of who the eggs represent.
It was very close between Lars and Hani,
but Lars was 2cm further away.
So Lars is at the bottom,
Hani is next, then it's Leo in third.
Vidar is in second, and Karin is in first. 5 points!
Congratulations!
And then we can look at the total to see who won today.
It's a tie.
Yes, that means Karin and Vidar are today's winners.
You can get up and receive all these nice things
that make Olli more attractive than me.
In the next programme we will award the winner of the whole shebang, so stay tuned.
Thank you for watching. See you soon.
Original Norwegian subtitles: Ane S Olsen (Iyuno)
English translation: u/msbtvxq
Proofreading: u/taskmastermaster