No, no, no, no!
"I'm sawing a monkey"
A warm welcome to Kongen Befaler here at the Drammen Theatre.
This is a very special episode. It's the finale!
A winner will be announced, and they will
receive perhaps the most prestigious prize ever:
a bust in gold of me!
Yes, it's... nice.
Nice, yes. - Absolutely.
A beautiful bust. Will you miss it?
Now that you're giving it away?
Yes, I will miss it.
Every time I turn around to look at the scores,
I've been staring straight at this bust,
so I've become very fond of it.
But I've also become very self-concious about my ears,
which are way too small.
And very crooked.
Like they're lying down.
So it will be nice not having to look at it anymore.
But speaking of self-hatred: Olli Wermskog!
And Leo Ajkic!
Karin Klouman!
Lars Berrum!
Hani Hussein!
And Vidar Magnussen!
It's a beautifully-dressed group I see in front of me.
But it's difficult not to focus on Lars Berrum.
What's going on here?
If that's okay to say? - Is it okay to say?
Maybe I've just tried my best?
Could you stand up?
Yes...
I just have to say...
It's good that we're addressing this right away.
It's the finale,
and I've tried to dress well throughout the whole season.
And since it's the last time,
I thought that I would really go 'all-in' for this finale.
So I thought: For the first time in my life, I will go to see a stylist.
What I forgot is that we're in Drammen.
So it ended up like this.
There's nothing I can do about that.
Shall we just get started? Let's go!
We've come to the final prize task of the season.
Today, the participants were asked to bring
something that didn't turn out as planned.
Isn't that right, Bård?
That's right, and I can't help but be curious about
what Karin has brought with her.
It's a massive thing.
Yes.
So that's what you want to start with?
Yes, since we can't see anything else.
So we need to get rid of this first.
So maybe you should just start then.
I've brought something that I have at home, in my basement storage room.
It's a...
small selection of baby clothes...
and baby stuff...
that my sisters have regularly brought to my place for the past 14 years,
always with the same expectation that "Now you'll soon have a baby."
"Any day now, Karin is having a baby."
And...
I'm not.
And that's perfectly fine.
I'm not hurt.
Can we laugh? - Yes, yes. Laugh! Just laugh.
It's totally fine.
My point is just
that my storage room has become a place that I can no longer use.
As you can see, I can't get into it anymore
because there are so many baby clothes.
So instead I've had to move everything that should be down there into my flat.
Now there are bicycles, skis, and bags of gravel in my flat,
so that I don't have to think about... babies...
And if you don't win today, someone else will have to think about the baby clothes.
And bring them home.
So it could be fun if you win today, Leo.
Then you'll at least have some.
That's very nice.
A good/sad solution.
As it often is. - Yes, as it often is.
Shall we go to Lars? - Yes.
Oh, so the outfit isn't the answer?
To what?
Something that didn't turn out as planned.
That would have been five points.
That may be the case for me, but now there's a pissed off stylist in Drammen
who's watching this at home.
He did exactly as he had planned.
I have brought a little photo
- we can put it up here -
of a cabin
that I have bought.
I bought it in May,
because I was looking for peace.
I wanted a place where I could relax.
I've never had a cabin or owned a cabin before, but I bought that one.
We can see on a map where it is.
My cabin is within the red marking.
Why did I bring that map in particular?
Because I received that map
in an email from the municipality,
where they informed me that,
inside this area, they are planning to build 350 new houses.
So...
So now I've found some peace...
When you hear 350 houses you might think
"Well, it could be okay."
But think about the construction work.
It'll probably take about 20 years of construction before I can finally
start to see- - Bang, bang, bang!
Before I can finally start to see into other people's homes.
When the drilling is finally over.
So, that didn't turn out as planned.
You definitely answered the task, and I feel your pain.
Vidar.
I'll just...
...have a little chat with him first.
Can't you just... okay.
Are you okay?
No.
Stop it. Stop it! Stop!
There, you have to be a bit strict.
A few programmes ago, I made a box
that you could talk to, and it would open up.
I remember that very well.
"Oi oi oi, you big alpaca!"
After that, I got hooked.
So I started programming my own box.
I became very fond of it, but it went in strange directions.
I ended up with something completely different from what I had planned.
I ended up with a box that you can talk to,
and that can be opened on command,
but he doesn't want to.
This is simply an...
angry, difficult, and irrational box.
Olli, you could come and pick him up.
Then maybe you can ask him if he wants to open up.
Just pick him up and ask if he wants to open up.
If he responds, you can continue talking to him.
Can you open up?
No.
Why not?
It's not going to happen.
What did you say?
Never!
Never?
Forget it. Ha, ha, ha!
You know how to appeal to the nerd in me with those boxes.
Yes.
I have a weakness for them.
Well delivered.
Who do we have left? Leo?
Let me tell you.
Nothing I do turns out as planned, man.
Often I get very excited.
I get completely focused and go all-in.
I buy in bulk.
And then I never get finished.
That's how it is with everything.
I don't know if it's ADHD or what.
But I've had this thing hanging
right next to my toilet.
And I never finished it, man.
I started working on the people in the top right corner.
I worked my way down.
Then I got more and more tired of it.
Then I started messing around and...
That is an example of how things never turn out as I intended.
Unfortunately, man. Now I've really opened up.
Shown you a vulnerable side.
I've spent 9-10 weeks building up the courage
to share this part of myself with you.
We really appreciate that.
I have to say, Leo, this is one of the least messed up things you've delivered.
We have one left. - Yes, Hani.
Yes, we've had several of these prize tasks.
Some have been done very well, and some very poorly.
I was thinking about...
what was the weakest performance
we've had on these prize tasks?
It was on 'Bring the most impressive square'.
What did you bring?
Not me, but my friend next to me here,
Lars Berrum.
He brought these.
For those who didn't watch that episode,
we were supposed to bring the most impressive square ['four-edged thing']
Let me count how many edges this has.
Here's one, two and three,
and four, and then there are five.
Five squares.
That's even better.
Here's one square, here's another and here.
Yes, and that was intentional. And the scratchcards are square.
It's definitely a well-delivered task.
You're bringing Lars' bad one.
Now, we're going to hand out some points.
You know what? Today is a special day.
I want to keep a festive atmosphere.
And since there was so much good,
I'm going to award one winner, and the rest will be...
mediocre. If that's okay to say.
Mediocre as in three points? - Yes, for example.
So everyone gets three points except Lars Berrum.
Magical!
Lars is running away with the season's last prize task five points.
Congratulations. - Good job, Lars.
What are you doing?
[with an accent] I'm trying to be small.
Huh? - I'm trying to be small.
You're trying to be small? - I'm trying to hide.
With a French accent?
No, I was trying to do the Bergen accent.
You didn't succeed. -No, I didn't succeed.
It started drifting towards the French accent.
I'm more comfortable with the French accent.
You're much more comfortable with French?
But why are you trying to be small?
Does it have something to do with the next task?
Yes, it absolutely has something to do with the next task.
Then let's move on. - Yes, let's do that.
Hey, Olli!
Oh, wow!
Hi.
That's a big letter.
Oh, a very big letter.
A big task.
Why are you standing there?
Am I standing wrong?
Is something dangerous going to happen?
"Look as little (out) as possible."
"You have 20 minutes. Your time starts now."
"Look as little (out) as possible." [could mean 'looking small' or 'not looking out', depending on the emphasis of the word 'out']
Right...
Either it says "Look as little out as possible",
or it says, "Look as small as possible."
I'm a 6-foot-tall woman.
Hey.
I just need my jacket. I'm going out for a bit.
Yes, as Lars says, it's a bit of an ambiguous task.
You can look as little as possible or look as little out as possible.
Come on, Lars, this isn't ambiguous.
Yes, it is!
I could have gone into 10 kindergartens in Oslo
- something I wouldn't do -
and said, "Look as little (out) as possible."
Everyone would have...
Wouldn't they?
Well, I was between those two alternatives.
But another thing to keep in mind,
how much fun would it be to watch five participants
trying not to look out?
We're in the entertainment business.
Let's see.
We can start, for example,
with Karin and Leo, who may have misunderstood,
or understood, as the case may be.
What are you doing?
I'm looking inward.
I'm looking in.
You're looking in?
Yes, I'm looking inward.
Can't I just close my eyes?
Then I can just do this.
I'm going to look at this for 20 minutes. Okay?
Time goes so slowly when you can't look out.
It was a little scary here.
I'll try to go somewhere else where I'll look little out.
Where you'll look little (out)?
Where I'll look little out.
You can go somewhere Where you'll look little (out).
What do you mean by that?
Nothing.
"Look as little as possible!"
Can I do a combination, maybe?
I bet Leo has chosen the same as me, looking as little out as possible.
It's okay to look a little out, but as little as possible.
I'm having fun.
I'm looking as little out as possible.
I'm doing my job. I'm looking in.
I'm not looking out.
I'm looking down.
If you stand next to me and make yourself very big,
then I'll make myself tiny.
Alright, time's up. - Yes.
That was good!
Not bad.
I was consistently not looking outside this area for 20 minutes.
So... I think I've got this in the bag.
What are you guys doing?
We're looking inward.
It says to look as little out as possible.
Even if that's the case, is this looking out?
Don't you have to look out through something?
What's the difference between looking out and just looking?
Looking in and looking out.
I'm looking in!
Are you looking in now?
Now I am. - Okay.
I was looking down. I wasn't looking in.
So it was an insufficient question "Were you looking in or out?"
I was looking down.
But I feel like I completed the task, and did it well.
Me too. I also feel like I did it well.
You have to agree that this is a bit on you guys.
I was also thinking along the same lines.
So three out of five very talented participants interpreted it that way.
This is a bit on you.
Five very special people,
reading the letter that way. But okay.
Now we have at least understood what it's all about.
Does everyone do this?
No. We have more.
Do you want to see?
Yes. - Here's the rest.
I think we're simply going to do a...
camera trick.
Camera person?
If you zoom out, how small will I become?
You get quite far out.
Then we'll double... We'll triple the idea.
I haven't looked out once.
So we'll do that trick, Olli.
Hell.
Do it quickly.
This is surprisingly painful for my knees.
Will this work?
Yes, but it's fucking painful.
So you want me...
Put your legs here.
You know the old trick. - I'm on my way.
Are you ready?
Camera man, are you ready? Zoom out.
Then we say one, two, three.
So small. Help. I'm so small.
I remembered something from history class.
Mussolini was a very short man,
but he didn't want people to know about it.
So when he took pictures with people,
he always stood closer to the camera than them.
So he looked much bigger and taller.
Fuck you, Olli!
Hello, Olli.
What are you doing?
I'm sawing a monkey.
I am strong!
I am stronger than you!
Size is nothing.
♫ I won over Olli. ♫
♫ I jumped on his head. ♫
And then...
Thank you very much.
It was good that you had understood the task.
So there wasn't anything wrong with the task, but with you, Leo.
Everyone understood the task.
I kind of saw the big letter as a hint.
If that's big, I should be small.
Leo did that too, but he interpreted it differently.
Yes, we can compare the solutions.
But can we put up all the pictures?
Look at that.
What do you think now, Karin, when you see Hani's?
There, you're not small. Just very far away.
But I am small, though. You can hardly see me.
Yes, but with depth perception, if something is very far away...
I understand that.
But within the context...
And you brought Olli all the way back there with you.
That was a bit silly.
But originally, I thought it was about
not looking out.
Yes, and the combo thing you guys were doing.
There's nothing extra for that.
But I am small!
Oh my god, I'm so small.
Yes, about normal size.
And Lars, I don't know what that is, but it's nice.
You're small.
Yes, and what an effort. Sore knees and all.
Vidar, that's a show on its own.
You can make a whole show out of that.
And Hani, fantastic.
There you're playing with illusions. Very nice.
Leo...
This doesn't work.
But many good attempts. One point to Leo,
two to Karin, three to Lars, four to Vidar,
five to Hani.
Let's take a look at the points from this task.
And in total, after two tasks...
Let's have a quick ad break, and we'll be right back.
It's the finale and it's close,
so shouldn't we give the contestants a really difficult task?
Yes, which one do you have in mind?
We had the one where you tried to get them to say "macaroni in a blue cup".
That was tough.
Maybe a little too difficult. - I think that was a bit too difficult.
But not impossible? - No, we can try it.
Oh, macaroni.
Love it. I ate it when I was little.
And I've actually continued to eat it.
"Put macaroni in the blue clup... cup!"
"Most correctly counted macaroni..."
I have to start over.
"Put macaroni in the blue clup... cup!"
Jesus!
"Put macaroni in the blue clup."
Fuck!
"Put the blue macaroni..." No...
What's happening?
"Put macaroni..."
"in the blue clup."
Cup! Fucking hell!
"Put macaroni in the blue cup."
Now I'm keeping up.
"Most correctly counted macaroni wins."
"You have 20 seconds,"
"but you get 20 more every time you do a multiplication"
"and give the correct answer."
"You cannot do the same multiplication twice."
"Your time starts now."
The task you will embark on, is simply to put macaroni
that you have counted, into the blue cup.
The one who counts the most macaroni, wins.
But they don't have much time,
only 20 seconds.
But every time they do a multiplication correctly,
the time is reset and they get 20 new seconds.
They can choose the multiplications themselves.
So here it's important to have your wits about you.
Yes, that could be helpful.
Now let's look at... everyone...
except Vidar.
"Your time starts now."
One, two, three, four...
1 times 1 is 1.
1 times 1 equals 1.
So I have 20 seconds left.
6 times 2 equals 12.
6 times 3 equals 18.
6 times 4 equals 24.
6, 12, 18, 24, 30.
6 times 5 equals 30.
6 times 7 equals 42.
28, 29, 30
1 times 3 is 3.
1 times 11 equals 11.
1 times 12 equals 12.
1 times 13 equals 13.
Am I smart, or what?
I know I don't need to say it out loud every time, since I have 20 new seconds.
But then I won't forget where I am.
So I can just keep going.
One, two, three, four, five, six, seven,
eight, ni-
No, damn it!
One, two, three, four, five, six, seven,
eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourtee-
Time's up.
No!
Are you sure?
But I gave you multiplications.
Here we have 100 grams.
1 times 100 equals 100.
Times 1.1 equals 110.
A longer calculation,
since I might have already done the other thing.
I was uncertain.
So everything goes in here. The 100.
2 times 20 equals 40.
1 times 9 equals 9.
...89, 90.
1 times 9 equals 9.
Then I'll stop the time.
Did I give the wrong answer?
You said 1 times 9 twice in a row.
I did?
Do I think anyone else will get a higher number than 100?
I have plenty of time.
1 times 101 equals 101,
1 times 102 equals 102,
1 times 103 equals 103...
5 times 2.5 equals 12.5.
10 times 2.3 equals 23.
211 times 1 equals 211.
212 times 1 equals 212.
213 times 1 equals 213.
...8, 9, 10.
That's crazy.
Ten grams is... Wait.
1 times 666 million is 666 million.
So 10 grams equals 130.
There I have 1,300 plus 130.
1,430.
Yes, baby.
I'll put them in.
1 times 668 equals 668.
1 times 669 equals 669.
There, I'll stop.
Are you satisfied? - Am I satisfied?
I feel like a genius.
Yes, thank you for having me!
See you!
Yes, different strategies here.
Hani, masterfully executed.
I don't think you can do much better than that.
The brain is in place. Very good.
Lars, you're onto something, but then you make a 1 times 9 mistake.
I should have just done what Hani did.
I was thinking that the 1 times table stops.
No, it just keeps going. It's a long one.
In Lars' defense, in elementary school the 1 times table stops at 10.
Yes, that's true.
Then we have to move on to the 2 times table. Then the problems start.
You could have done the 0 times table.
It's even simpler. Always just 0.
Leo, you're the only one counting like they do in the Cali cartel.
I got to show my skills here, with 2.3...
My intelligence.
Those were good multiplications,
but it got a bit mixed up.
The task was to count the macaronis in a correct way as far as you could.
You counted 130 correctly,
but then you started all the weighing. - I weighed and divided.
We counted them all, and it was incorrect.
But you counted 130 correctly.
So that's what you ended up with.
But we got to show those at home not to rely on Leo's grams.
Do you want the results? - Yes, please.
Karin counted 15 macaroni.
Lars stopped at 90.
Leo at 130.
And in first place so far, 669 for Hani.
So there's one person who either did really well or really poorly.
What do you think yourself?
I can guarantee you that...
We will see...
I want to do my own intro, like you've done before.
Vidar Magnussen began his career as an intelligent man.
He has done many great things that everyone liked, and some did not like,
but he kept climbing up the career-ladder with his intelligence.
Here is a clip that shows his intelligence.
Let's watch it.
"Your time starts now."
Am I supposed to count them?
No, that's not...
Am I supposed to count them?
Or just put them in the cup?
Should I count them...
I'm just supposed to put them in.
Why should they be counted correctly then?
Your time's up. - What?
Your time's up.
But I...
Should I... count them now?
No. - No, because the time is up.
Bye. - Bye!
One hundred percent failure.
But I came up with Hani's version probably a day later,
and have been thinking about it ever since.
But that's the difference between Hani's and your version.
She came up with it a day earlier.
That's much more impressive.
Much more impressive.
Then you're at the bottom, Vidar.
That's how it is.
So, the score is one point for Vidar, two for Karin,
three for Lars, four for Leo, and five for Hani. Congratulations.
Then it's time for the last task from the house.
What task do we have left? - From the house?
What is usually left at the house?
Vørterøl. [unfermented beer] - Exactly.
Did you remember sunscreen?
Watch out for your Finnish-allergic skin.
Is it chugging?
I will do well here.
No, is it like...? No, God.
It's a funnel.
I'll put it this way: I have had most of these things
inside me before, at a pre-party.
That's a completely different programme.
"Fill the bottle..."
This is not a pre-party.
"Fill the red bottle"
"with exactly 7.5 decilitres of vørterøl."
"You cannot step on the carpet or move the bottle."
There, so it can't be moved.
"Closest to 7.5 decilitres wins."
"You have 15 minutes. Your time starts now."
How do I get something to go up and then come down again?
That's how gravity works, isn't it?
Everything that goes up must come down.
Yes, wise words, Hani.
Everything that goes up must come down.
Yes, I learned that in science class in elementary school.
You heard it here first. Yes.
Yes, the participants are going to get 7.5 decilitres
of vørterøl into the red bottle.
The one who gets closest wins.
They cannot move the red bottle
or step on the red carpet.
That's perfect.
I want to see Vidar. And Karin, maybe?
Do you want to throw in Newton too?
And the one who explained gravity so well. Newton.
Hani.
Now we're on to something.
Then I thought I'd...
blow the beer in.
An inverted siphon?
Yes.
A pusher? - A pusher.
7.5 decilitres...
Three of these.
This won't work. Wrong hose.
Five, six, seven and a half.
You've used a third of the time.
No, God.
Can I push it down to the ground?
No, that won't work.
I broke the table.
Throwing the bottle up?
That's a terrible idea.
I'll throw it and see what happens.
Not a bad idea!
There has to be some liquid... No!
But then I'm suddenly very tall again.
Then I can just...
How do you do this if you're short?
How tall is Karin? Did she manage it?
I'll make a ladder out of this.
But this is making me really scared.
Ok! Olli!
I can do this.
This is going smoothly.
New solution.
I think I have approximately 6 decilitres.
Yes, a little more.
There!
I'm satisfied.
We'll have a little ad break and be right back with more.
Well, well, well.
We've seen some solutions, in a way.
Karin, you're looking nervous. What are you nervous about?
I'm not nervous. - Yes, your are. - Not at all.
I'm always nervous.
We have to be honest now.
What are you nervous about?
Tell us! Tell us! Tell us!
No, I was wondering if I...
Did I touch something?
The red bottle?
That's perfectly fine. - That doesn't matter? - You didn't move it.
It didn't say that you couldn't bump into it.
You didn't move the bottle.
I didn't move the bottle.
That's what I was nervous about.
It's fun to see you suffer a bit.
That went well.
And you're good at climbing and everything.
Shall we take a look at the others and wait with the results?
Yes, let's wait with the results and see the rest.
Yes. Ok.
7.5 decilitres.
In that? [dish soap] - Yes.
I'll use this as a measuring cup.
Can't get any smarter than that.
That won't foam at all...
Okay, let's try it.
Are you kidding? Is it that little?
This is like a sketch from KLM. [comedy group]
A tiny bit of vørterøl from a very big bottle.
Is it weird for you too?
What's happening?
I'm doing a magic trick without knowing it.
How much time is left?
Eight minutes.
That's a lot of time. Should we have a beer?
I can make it really simple,
if I want to.
There. Let's stop.
Stop the time.
I assume you will say that this was the other Lars as well.
Is his name Lars too?
That was unfortunate. Fun to watch, but unfortunate.
But what I'm thinking is 'to move',
then I think that it's about me doing the moving.
But I took off a hinge and it moved by itself.
If you hit a ball with a bat- - Don't give me those rehearsed things. Listen.
Listen to my things now. - Let's hear it.
What about picking apples? "Lars, look in the garden, an apple has fallen."
"Lars is in the garden, where an apple has fallen."
That's something different than when grandma says,
"Lars, now we're going out to pick apples."
It was better in my head.
Do you want to hear the results?
Some decilitres, please.
It's a disqualification for Lars. Unfortunately.
It was about getting closest to 7.5 decilitres.
Vidar, 5 decilitres.
Karin, 9.5 decilitres.
I'm doing it in order. Hani, 8 decilitres
and Leo, 7.1 decilitres.
So you can see the results here.
Okay, I understand. - I'm sorry. - That's our fault.
We take full responsibility. We'll fix it right away.
Okay, fine.
I'm sorry, we just received a message from PST [The Norwegian Police Security Service]
that they have a clip they want to show.
They thought we should see it.
"You cannot step on the carpet or move the bottle."
How much was it?
0.33?
They have eyes everywhere.
It's the lens on the camera.
Sometimes they have a lens that is very close to you, but it still catches your feet.
I was sure they were just filming my profile, man.
They are everywhere.
So I'm sorry. You were super close.
I'll just say, "Fuck PST."
That means you get zero points, so Hani was right:
What goes up must come down.
There.
We've corrected it. - That's how it is.
Now we'll see the total scores for today.
We are at the final task of the evening and the season.
Get up on stage!
We have come to the season's very last task.
It goes like this:
Don't be the best, but definitely don't be the worst.
We're going to reward the mediocre.
Choose one thing you want to throw.
Go ahead and choose.
Is it...
Okay. You will throw on my signal,
and that will be: one, two, three, throw!
It is important that you throw at the exact same time.
If anyone hesitates or lingers to gain an advantage,
that person will be out immediately.
The ones closest to the centre, and farthest from the centre, are out.
Okay. Ready? - Yes.
One, two, three, throw.
The balloon might not be the worst.
That's fun. Who threw the blue book?
Thank you for having me.
You can stay put.
We need to find out who is farthest away.
That's not very difficult.
That's Leo's book, Hani's racquet, and Karin's jump rope.
They're in the middle.
The balloon is farthest away.
Agree, Bård? - Completely agree. - Great!
Lars and Vidar are out,
but the final round will be a bit different.
It will be done with these in front of your eyes, so you can't see anything.
Leo, you can have this.
Karin, here.
Lars, you can put it on too,
so you don't know who wins.
And that goes for you too, Vidar.
You have a good thing going here, Lars.
Yes.
Karin can wait.
Those of you in the final
- Hani, Karin, and Leo - choose one thing to throw.
What do you choose to throw?
I'll take that.
Okay, you can put on the blindfolds.
Good.
Now, since no-one can see,
you don't have to throw at the same time.
We'll start with the one in the lead. That's you, Hani.
Yes. I'm doing it.
Karin.
It's your turn. - Yes, yes.
There it is.
And you have the fart thing.
Then I'll go... there.
It's impossible to know if it's good or bad.
Leo, now it's up to you to decide.
Okay.
We have the results.
Keep the masks on.
We'll go through the results down there.
Yes, Olli, give us the results of the studio task.
I will give you the results.
At the bottom, as we all know,
Mr. Only-a-pair-of-aviator-glasses- from-a-leading-role-in-the-80s,
Lars!
And then there was Vidar. You get two points.
Then we can look at the results from the final.
Here we are.
So three points for Karin,
four for Hani, and five for Leo.
Congratulations.
That's good. - Good.
That means the winner of today's programme is, let's see...
Congratulations, Hani.
But should we just rip off the plaster,
and see who this season's winner is? Are you ready for that?
There was never any doubt!
Come on. - Vidar!
Oi oi!
Vidar Magnussen, ladies and gentlemen!
You win this bust!
Olli will drop by once a week to check that
it's on display and polished regularly.
Thank you so much for watching this season.
Goodbye!
Original Norwegian subtitles: Vibeche Standal Dart (Iyuno)
English translation: u/msbtvxq
Proofreading: u/taskmastermaster