My first picnic
Welcome to Kongen Befaler,
the show that could be described as
a mix between a western and sci-fi.
By my side is the man many refer to
as an assistant who is a mix
between lovable and terrible, Olli Wermskog.
Yes, thank you. Hello, hello.
Yes, we are halfway through the season.
How do you think it's going?
I think we're doing well. - I completely agree.
Speaking of 'well', speaking of 'good',
let's take a look at the prize.
What could it be?
To the winner of the programme...
it is a bust in gold of me.
We...
will now meet the participants
who are dreaming of bringing home this golden nugget
- which resembles my own head quite a lot -
home to their luxurious house and home.
Stian Blipp!
Tuva Billing!
Tete Lidbom!
Christian Skolmen!
And Marte Stokstad!
It's time for the first task, which is the prize task.
Today, the participants were told to bring something that doesn't fit.
Something that doesn't fit, that is.
Then we'll start with...
Let's start with the last winner, Tete.
I'm rarely conspiratorial, but I've become one.
I think the Swedes have messed with us.
And it's damn annoying!
This is very relatable, guys.
Because everyone has a trash can from Sweden.
IKEA, you mean? - Yes, an IKEA trash can.
And getting this in place is often hard enough in itself.
Yes. - This is food waste.
So if you take a bite of a good apple
that you have stolen from someone's garden,
and throw it in there, then it just... The bag never stays in place!
No, it doesn't. - It's one of the most annoying things!
After a good dinner,
the guests are happy,
and you just have to throw away the leftovers.
And then it starts.
Just send them home.
You should never throw it. Just place it carefully at the bottom.
Incredibly annoying! - You have to be delicate with it.
It is very annoying, I agree.
Yes. - Yes, agreed.
Stian.
I was originally thinking of bringing something silly and funny,
but then something happened, for real, this week,
which gave me something much better to bring.
In my house, I wash the clothes.
Thank you, thank you. Calm down, calm down.
That was cheap.
It's been a busy week.
We have played in your house, and been here, etc.
So I asked: "Could you wash the outfit"
"I'm going to wear on Kongen Befaler?"
And that has been done.
So here are the trousers that I was going to wear today.
And... a polar neck sweater size XL.
Cool jumper. Can we see you like this for the rest of the evening?
Yes, if that's okay.
I just had to check if there was anything in my belly button.
But it looks fine. - Great.
The task is solved. Wonderful. Tuva?
I have chosen to solve this task in a completely straight-forward way.
Since I know you like that.
Yes. But Stian also did that, didn't he?
This is even more straight-forward.
Even more? Is that possible? - I have been in the drawer at home,
where I found a compass ['passer'] that doesn't work.
Yes, right. - So it doesn't fit ['passer'].
Is that the verb? - Yes.
It's missing a part.
I'm not one for puns,
but when you have a double meaning like this...
It's a pretty good one. - It's very good.
Yes, I'm satisfied with that.
But we'll see how satisfied later.
Marte?
Oi!
Sorry.
What was that?
The task is solved!
That didn't fit. - The task is solved!
If you're also in the mood to drop a sour one,
we've got you covered.
Can I choose to go for that one instead?
Well, you can choose afterwards. - Okay. Can I? Okay.
I didn't expect that manly cough.
It was unexpected for me too.
I have brought a combination that I don't think fits.
And that's the combination of…
...bottle opener and penis.
Right.
I don't...
I don't think it fits.
What a lousy product!
This is a tool. We don't need all this in wood.
The penis part.
And there's a double meaning here,
because what also doesn't fit is that it's mine.
I bought it after being... No, no, no.
Are we going all the way there?
Don't wave it around so much!
It's not mine, it's ours.
I went on a girls' trip to Crete,
and was going to buy something to take home.
So you bought it?
I bought it, yes.
And gave it to my teenage son.
Are you serious?
Is it now that I should decide between that or the...?
Yes, the task is solved.
I think I would keep this one.
But I have to say...
Oh my lord! Christian.
Yes, I also have something that doesn't fit.
Good. - Thank you.
Well... It's the combination that doesn't fit.
And I also bought it for my son.
What?! - No, no, no!
What?
- No!
What?
And it doesn't fit...
It was after a girls' trip to Crete.
And it doesn't fit [it's not suitable], because she has the same thing.
Yes, that's true.
It fits even less [is less suitable].
Yes, because it's already been used.
That was boring. - Wow!
Yes, it's boring. - Yes, it's 'wow'!
I didn't actually think about it looking like a penis, but it does.
Right.
I had to reach down to feel if mine was still there.
And it is. Can you confirm that it's still there?
Yes, yes, yes!
Yes, it's not the same.
Slightly different preference, but it's the same product.
Damn boy!
That was... surprising.
I think we...
"Damn boy!"
- I think we have to...
We have to hand out some points.
Speaking of something that doesn't fit... ['isn't right']
I think we have to go through the straight-forward ones first.
Stian, you get 1 point.
2 for the bucket and the bag, and 3 for the compass.
Then it's between these two.
And it's not even between you,
because yours was very good, Marte.
The original.
It could've ended up at the top,
but his really didn't fit, since you already had…
So 5 points for that one, Christian.
Atle, do you know how many letters you need
to be able to express all the words in the world?
No. - Four letters, that's all you need.
Four letters? That's just a claim, isn't it?
Nope.
Ready? [Klar?]
Four nice people and Tete. [Fire fine folk samt Tete.]
Tip top. [Tipp topp.]
Hello.
Then it's us again.
Yes, and a letter. - And a letter, of course.
"Say..."
"Say the most four-letter words in one minute."
"If you say a word with more or fewer letters, the task is over."
"Your time starts now."
Box. [Boks.]
Fix. Salmon. [Fiks. Laks.]
Mix, with 'KS'. [Miks, med 'KS'.]
Then the time stops there. "Med 'KS'".
What?
You said "med 'KS'".
You are an ass!
I know what it says there.
But that was just mean.
That was a shitty thing to do!
"Your time starts now."
Four. Tuva. [Fire. Tuva.]
Says. Will. [Sier. Skal.]
Bath. Ball. [Bade. Ball.]
Box. [Boks.]
Bing, bang.
Bull. Tete.
Olli. Atle.
Fall!
Time's up. - No, damn!
It was right, 'fall'.
Yes, but I didn't get a lot.
But I don't think it was that bad, just average.
I feel like... Marte will be very good.
"Your time starts now."
Over. Fewer. [Over. Færre.]
Then we stop at "færre".
What? Why? - Isn't that five?
One, two, three...
I had to think about it a bit, but it's even written there!
I meant 'færé'! [not a word]
If you see here, it looks like 'four'.
Has anyone done this worse than me?
"And your time starts now."
Oh right, I made the mistake of starting... - Then I'll stop the time.
Right, because I started talking. Bye then.
"Your time starts now."
Four letters. - Then I'll stop the time.
So I got 1 point? - Yes.
That's simply not okay. It's too bad!
Yes...
It reminds me very much of "The Three Billy Goats Gruff". [Norwegian fairytale]
But it's changed into "The Four Idiots".
"No, don't take me! Christian is coming behind me." [based on a line from the fairytale]
Yes, it wasn't all that. - I was completely out of it.
So, here there are many who don't deserve points.
But, Tuva, in this company,
you must never doubt your own abilities.
No!
For god's sake don't do that.
There is no competition!
You cannot underestimate your opponent enough!
That one felt great!
Yes, I bet it did.
Because what you were doing was bang-on average.
But it was more than enough!
Not many words were said, Olli.
No, there wasn't. - But there were some.
Yes, they were very tight-lipped.
Silent Christian had zero words.
Marte and Tete, you managed one word.
You get to share third place.
Isn't it awful to hear it read aloud?
Stian, four words. - Crazy!
Second place.
Second place! Second place!
With four words!
Damn boy! - Damn boy! Damn boy!
It's awful!
Tuva, with more than twice as many words as the rest combined.
A genius! - 5 points! 5 points!
The star pupil!
Then the results are like this.
And in total after two... Look at that!
It's clear that you're in the lead, Tuva. That's a given.
But it's very close.
Say a seven-letter word, Olli.
Adverts? - Correct.
I would now like to see a task
that combines simple things
such as an equal distribution of resources, cleverness,
a good conversation, a wheel of fortune, and a picnic.
Don't say anything more! All of this can be arranged.
Yay!
I love the wheel of fortune!
How nice. Oi, that is very heavy.
"Prepare a lovely picnic for Olli and yourself."
"Lay down the picnic blanket,"
"take out and then distribute the contents of the basket"
"equally between Olli and yourself."
"The fastest wins."
"The picnic blanket should be laid down"
"where the wheel of fortune last stopped."
"When moving, everything must be inside"
"the picnic basket, with the lid closed."
"Your time starts now." What do you mean?
If I make it stop once,
then... get it to start spinning again,
so it never stops again...
That's not a bad idea!
Perhaps we should go down to the caravan.
It looks like it.
Should I run? - By all means.
How difficult can this be?
Well...
How difficult can this be, Olli?
We will look into that soon.
But I think it would be nice to sum it up a bit first.
The picnic will take place where the wheel of fortune last stops.
And when it stops, you spin the wheel again.
So the destination doesn't stay the same for very long.
That's right.
Should we start with... these two? Tete and Tuva?
Yes, let's do that.
Okay. Then we'll have a picnic by the caravan.
Enjoy yourself.
Yes, you too. "Enjoy myself"?
Oh, you'll keep spinning the wheel?
Okay.
I'm coming!
We'll have the picnic somewhere else instead, Olli.
One, two, three, three, three.
Half to each.
Two, two.
Like that.
Distribute equally.
No, there are so many things in there!
I have to check.
No, no, no.
It's down there.
I'm a simple boy from the student town of Trondheim.
I've never been on a picnic before.
Oh damn!
What does it say there now? Yes, that's perfect!
Alright.
Oi, oi, oi!
Damn it.
It's still here! It's still here.
I'm finished!
Is it good?
It's spot on.
That's how it is when you have guests at the last minute.
There! Olli, it's picnic time!
You were lucky there.
That's good.
Oh well. Cheers. - Cheers. My first picnic.
Yes, Tete.
Your first picnic can be said to be off to a good start.
Yes, I would say that. - It was very lucky that the wheel
ended up in the same place three times.
You have to have a bit of luck.
But Tuva was fast. - Yes, Tuva was fast! Very fast.
Some lightning... hostess gifts you showed here. What a pace!
It went really fast.
Yes, you did it all on the first spin.
That's quite a statement.
Is it normal for the hostess to eat...
I didn't eat it, I split a grape in half.
It was an odd number.
Is it normal to do that with your mouth?
It was supposed to be equally distributed.
How much time did they spend?
Tete spent 7 minutes and 43 seconds.
Tuva...
...2 minutes and 3 seconds. - What?
That's damn good!
That is impressive, Tuva.
Then we'll see if the rest manage to beat her.
Here's the rest.
"Distribute everything equally."
Okay.
Olli!
You can come now!
Your time is running!
But I've got it sorted!
Yes, but you're in the wrong place.
"Where the wheel of fortune last stopped."
There must be some trickery here,
but... I couldn't figure it out,
so I'll just try to make it as cosy as possible.
Olli!
Your time is running.
Hi, Olli. - Hi.
Now you're on that one.
Okay.
So it last stopped after I left?
Yes, I spun it again.
Oh right. You did that.
So now you're there.
It was on the caravan.
And now it's on the lounge.
Why did you do that?
I spun it.
Don't keep spinning it!
I will, since it's part of the task.
Olli, come up here, then!
Are you finished? - Yes.
Okay?
You're nowhere near finished.
And now it stopped on the caravan.
So I'm going down again.
Right. - You weren't ready.
If you never stop that, there will be no end to this.
Well, you have to be quick, or lucky, or…
You have to stop here!
Now I'm very happy that I poured...
It must be distributed equally, so now it's equal.
Like that!
Are you ready? - Yes!
Sit down, mon chéri.
One, two...
Four blueberries? - Yes.
Here there are only three.
Your time is running.
We can see what it says now.
It's on the garage now.
To be completely honest,
it's quite demotivating to make a picnic for you,
when you keep spinning that wheel.
Now it's on the caravan.
Olli?
It must be distributed equally.
Yes.
Olli!
Your time is running.
You're at the wrong place.
Now it's the garage.
Now it's ready!
You're not ready.
I didn't think you'd come,
because you keep spinning that wheel.
Yes, the wheel isn't done spinning. I'll go back.
Olli, it's ready!
There isn't much left here.
Enjoy.
What a cosy picnic!
Olli! Come here!
You can sit down if you want.
The same amount of grapes.
Now it's the lounge? - Yes.
Finished!
Then I'll stop the time and come down.
Welcome.
How cosy!
Have you stopped the time? - Yes.
Really?
This looks good.
Cheers. - Cheers. Fun task.
Yes, was it a fun task? - Super annoying task!
Super duper annoying! - How long did she spend?
Shall we see... Marte? 31 minutes and 42 seconds.
I just kept going!
There was a bit of running.
Christian, you too...
I think you might have shown a hint of real emotions here.
I think I sensed something that looked like a grudge underneath.
Are you thinking of hate? - Hate, yes.
I really hated it! - Yes.
When you had reached the balcony, we could tell...
It's just that I couldn't figure out
how this could be technically possible.
I still don't get it.
I need to watch it again.
But you reached the finish line at some point.
I don't think I did. - Yes, at some point.
After 20 minutes and 25 seconds.
Stian, 12 minutes and 15 seconds.
So, fourth and third place respectively, for these guys.
Then we know how it went with the other two.
Yes, we can take a look up here.
It's Tuva!
I think we could all use a break.
We'll fill it with advertising.
We'll be back before you know it!
Now I'll be honest and say
that I'm looking forward to the next task.
Yes, because it's the task that all the participants are dreading.
Yes!
Good luck.
I'm not drunk. I just stumbled.
Then there's this letter again.
I kind of want to lick that...
Oi... 200 kroner.
"Entertain-" Oh, hell no!
"Entertain a packed Drammen theatre."
"You have 100 days to prepare, and 45 seconds to entertain."
"The performance the audience likes the most wins."
Why are there 200 kroner here?
Do you want to...
Yes, you can use them however you want.
Okay.
But why did I get 200 kroner?
Just to show that you have no limitations.
I have no limitations?
These 200 kroner are here to show me that everything is possible?
200 kroner?
That's hardly worth more than a litre of milk and a carrier bag nowadays.
But it could be fun.
This won't be used by Stian Blipp.
He will just beatbox.
This is the biggest nightmare in the world.
Standing on a stage in front of an audience?
For 45 seconds, yes.
How long have you been employed at the National Theatre?
Oh yes, that's right.
"The Wonder Down Under: The Musical". ["The Wonder Down Under" is a Norwegian book. The original title literally means "The joy of the vagina"]
I would like to see that. ["The Wonder Down Under" is a Norwegian book. The original title literally means "The joy of the vagina"]
I will show you what real theatre is!
What real theatre is! Feelings!
Blood! And a hero status. In Drammen.
Yes, then I'll just calculate how much 100 days is.
And then I'll go to the store.
See ya.
God, I'm looking forward to this!
The Norwegian elite of entertainers
have had 100 days and 200 kroner
to create and refine their 45 seconds
with entertainment of the highest class!
What a luxury for us... - Don't say it like that.
...to be able to sit here and enjoy this.
The bar cannot be set high enough.
Who do you recommend that we start with?
I think we should... start with Tuva.
I have spent 100 days learning an instrument I have never played,
and learning the intro song to Kongen Befaler.
100 days? - Yes.
And 200 kroner?
They went to earplugs for the neighbours.
Let me know when you're starting. - I'm starting now.
Okay.
Hang on. Now.
I have it in my head.
You have it in your head?
Yes...
I've spent 100 days just getting sound out of that thing.
It's fucking difficult!
When did you realise this wasn't going to be perfect?
I realised that at the little dress rehearsal I did earlier.
So right up until then you thought this would be amazing?
An ear for music is definitely something you don't possess.
Wonderful.
It sounded so good in my head.
Now I think we can take... Stian.
We can take Stian.
Yes. - You ready?
Stian? - Yes.
Are you ready? - Yes.
Okay.
Then I have some instructions.
Let's see.
Yes...
Get ready for dry jokes with jazz music.
Welcome Stian Blipp.
I'm a little sad today.
They called from the sperm bank with 'sæd news'. ['sæd' = sperm]
My hairdresser is a former drug addict, so I'm always a bit skeptical
when he asks if he can do some highlights [lines] in my hair.
I got a baguette with only cheese the other day. Only cheese!
They didn't have a ham licence [licence to serve alcohol]. ['ham' sounds similar to 'serving alcohol']
I met the world's biggest football star this summer.
It was great. ['kjempemessig', pronounced like 'Messi']
I was in the park the other day and met a kid with boxing gloves.
I thought, "What's a kid doing with boxing gloves?"
Then it hit me.
Awesome! Very good!
Yes, would you look at that!
Yes...
You chose a familiar concept.
We went back in time for a bit.
It worked well!
I forgot that I don't smoke.
It was absolutely horrible!
And when you're holding it,
you can't help but lean on it. It's like a safety net.
But are you satisfied with the response?
Yes, but I didn't have time for the last joke.
Then it would've been really good.
I see. What was it? It won't count, but what was it?
Okay, are you ready? - Yes.
Just for the audience.
It won't count, but put on some jazz just in case.
It's still lit.
I was caught jerking off at work the other day.
It was so embarrassing to come back to work the next day,
because then I met...
...the guy I jerked off.
Thank you very much.
Damn girl! - Damn boy!
Imagine if that had been included!
Too bad it wasn't.
Yes, that was unfortunate.
Yes, it was. It was very good.
Shall we move on?
Yes, there are more people who are looking forward to this.
How about Christian? - Yes.
Is there anything you would like to say before we begin?
No, just that... You saw in the video
that I wasn't looking forward to this,
but then something inside me went:
"Shit, I want to do something proper."
"Something that hits home and touches people,"
"that people might be moved by."
What is that? It's music.
And I love music.
I love watching Stjernekamp. [TV singing competition]
It hits me right in the heart.
So I thought, "That's what I'm going to do".
I'm simply going to sing.
Oi! - We must have his back, Marte.
I will sing... Are you crying? No...
I will sing Nessun dorma by Puccini.
Wow!
You've started crying already.
Then you're good to go.
That was it.
That... that was even 46.
It wasn't 45 minutes?
No, you got an extra second. - 45 seconds?
I had planned a long... okay.
It was seconds, not minutes.
Well, that's fine.
It was a very good start, at least.
Yes, but I had worked on the ending.
I just had to get into it.
That was your chance.
Yes, yes!
Marte.
Can I- Thank you.
Can I say something before we start?
Yes.
I think it's your turn now.
Week after week, you sit here and watch us do tasks,
but for the first time in Kongen Befaler's history,
I have a task for you!
Which will be solved here and now.
I'll open it, seeing as I have the letter, and read:
Shall we start the clock?
I'll tell you when.
I have a plan. 100 days.
"Pop the balloons and find the 200 kroner note."
"Your time starts now!"
That is really good!
It turned out exactly as I hoped!
There are five seconds left. - Five seconds! Find it!
There it was!
Has anyone found it? There, yes!
Yes. Just in time!
Just in time, dammit.
And it's extra fun that it's a former participant who gets it.
It's Einar Tørnquist [season 4 contestant]. Don't you see that? [he does look like him!]
You deserved it.
Yes, good job.
That was good. - Very. And so precise!
Yes, it's the ordinary people's turn. [The Labour Party's political slogan]
Yes, it is.
Finally, it was the ordinary people's turn.
Wonderful! We still have some left.
Yes, we have one left. - We have one left. Tete!
I have done the same as Tuva; spent 100 days with an instrument.
Okay.
Then we'll see... how it goes.
Let's see. You can start.
Okay.
Wow! - Understood.
Right, I assume the 200 kroner went to confetti?
That's right. I got it on sale.
Well done!
Now you've seen them all, Atle.
Yes, now I've seen them all.
Have you given any thought to how this is judged?
Yes, but strictly speaking,
I am not the one to judge and decide this.
The audience will decide.
They will sit down to vote for their favourite now!
Then the audience has finished voting.
They have finished voting.
So we can take a little look at the results up there now.
Yes, let's see how the audience voted.
The bars are coming up here. - Oh, great!
At least it's a clear winner.
And a clear loser, I'd say.
Does anyone think they're the loser?
Yeah, okay.
Let's see who it is, then.
Let's see the loser- Yes, it was you!
1 point.
But it is quite close to 7.7.
The fact that anyone has voted for me at all...
Thank you so much! Thank you so much!
We can take a look at 7.7 as well, who was second-to-last.
Yes, it's Christian.
Third place with 15.6, that is...
Marte. - Yes.
Yes. - Second place with 23.7 is...
...Stian! Which means that half of the votes went to Tete.
Yes!
Good!
While they're hugging, we can turn that into points.
Yes, we'll turn it into points.
And here we have the totals before the last task.
As always, it will take place here on stage.
Rise and shine.
Yes, we've made it onto the stage once again.
This time it's everyone at the same time.
You've got blindfolds on your foreheads,
that you will soon put down over your eyes,
so that you don't see anything.
You have post-it notes in front of you.
The task is very simple.
It's about getting the most post-it notes stuck on your body.
Okay?
You have 30 seconds.
Are you ready?
Then I'll just say... Ready, set, go!
Okay.
Don't say "no" up there.
I can hear you.
Look at that.
What does the clock say?
The clock says 20 seconds.
There is very little time left.
Five seconds left.
Four, three, two, one...
Zero, minus one...
We'll do a quick count, and sum it up down in our seats.
Yes.
Yes, I have counted the number of post-it notes.
The number of post-it notes, yes.
There isn't much to dwell on.
We can just get straight to the point.
Bottom, Stian, 9.
Then it's Tete, 16.
Tuva, 18.
Marte, 24. And Christian, 29.
29!
The points for this round are as follows, and the totals are…
Tuva walks away with today's prizes.
She is lucky to receive lots of things that don't fit.
It's a close battle for the bust.
See you next time.
Original Norwegian subs by: Monica Mikkelsen (LinQ Media Group)
English translation by: u/msbtvxq
Proofread by: u/taskmastermaster
Translation produced in association with: Taskmaster Worldwide Inc @tmworldwideinc