"There are a thousand pearls in the glass"
Welcome to Kongen Befaler,
the programme that gives our best entertainers
the opportunity to compete for the industry's most prestigious award:
A bust in gold of me.
Someone who's not likely to win any awards
anytime soon, but who's still good enough for me:
Olli Wermskog. - Thank you.
Always nice to get compliments.
Always nice to give too.
Let's meet someone else who loves getting compliments,
without necessarily getting too many of them here.
Stian Blipp!
Tuva Billing!
Tete Lidbom!
Christian Skolmen!
And Marte Stokstad!
The first task deals with a subject that has not been covered much.
But it's something most of us deal with every single day.
And it's something you're quite fond of.
Or, at least, something you appreciate watching others deal with:
a botched job. - A botched job.
Yes, today's task is as follows:
Bring your most botched work.
Your worst attempt at something.
It could be anything.
Who do you have the highest expectations for?
It's not often that I have high expectations of you, Christian,
but on this task in particular...
I don't have a lot of botched work,
so I had to do some digging.
But I take a lot of pictures with a camera.
I love doing that,
with manual focus, which takes a long time.
And I have a lot of pride in that.
Fast forward to when I had a gastroscopy.
Right, right.
Unfortunately, I know very well what it is.
It was a few years ago. It was not fun.
I was given a lot of sedatives, and was feeling quite high.
Then I was taken out to a recovery room.
It's simply a camera that goes up your ass.
No. It's the other way.
Oh, it's that way!
That's even worse.
That's what the doctor told you...
There are 2.5 metres of a tube
that's being pushed around by the doctor.
I was sedated, quite out of it,
and was taken into a recovery room,
where my wife was sitting in a very nice light.
So I told her: "Give me the camera!"
I took the camera, prepared it,
and snapped the best picture I've ever taken.
You were still drugged up.
Yes, I was. And this is the picture.
Yes, exactly!
I see.
A waving wife at Lovisenberg [hospital], going,
"Hey honey, how are you doing?"
I was very proud of it.
Until I saw it, that is.
And she's still able to remain private,
even when you're showing a picture of her.
I might not get 5 points,
because this is how cool pictures look these days.
It's actually a nice picture.
And you also have a good story,
which elevates it even more.
Maybe I'll get 5 points after all.
We'll see!
It might not be a botched job, but we'll wait and see.
Tete.
Yes, I usually work in radio.
I like my job very much.
Very happy with it.
Talking is, in a way, my tool of choice.
But what I have brought here is not only my worst work,
but a work I wish could be deleted.
Let's hear a little clip.
Remember to trim the hedges before school starts.
This is a recommendation from the Public Roads Administration.
Many children will soon be walking and bicycling to school,
and the Public Roads Administration says that everyone must contribute
to all roads being safe for school children.
This was the P3 news, brought to you by Karianne Breivik Eldnes.
Have you ever trimmed your hedges, Karianne? [sounds like a euphemism]
Tete… - No. NO!
I didn’t mean that! - You can’t ask that.
I really didn’t…
Are you interested in the vegetation outside my house?
Yes, for example.
Yes, I’ve been out with the garden shears.
Yes!
Good feeling, that. - Yes, and it's a bit like...
It's weird enough to be close to 40
and working on the youth channel, P3,
but to then treat the news anchors that way…
But you did get a response.
I did, but perhaps that's what made it even worse.
Worse things have happened,
but I get that this was painful when it happened.
Okay.
Oh! Yes.
I have brought...
Oi oi oi...
Aww!
My wedding dress...
Wedding dress? - Wedding dress.
My wedding dress from when I was a teenage bride at 19.
This represents my most botched work.
You got married when you were 19? - Yes.
Right.
What? - What?
A world record.
Yes, that sounds like a world record.
Yes, we'll deal with that later.
It represents my most botched work,
because I got married at 19,
and it was over 10 months later.
We didn't make it to our first wedding anniversary.
It is said that you should work on your relationship.
I did not do that.
So this is...
Divorced before your paper anniversary.
Yes, that's a botched job.
Yes, it is. - Then you're not even trying.
So it's the whole marriage you're putting in the pot, not just the dress?
Yes, this is just what I have left.
Do you regret being divorced?
No no, now I have three kids with someone else!
So it all worked out.
Tuva, what do you have?
I went to a Waldorf school,
so I have obviously crocheted a lot of homework.
So I bet there's quite a lot of botched work in mum and dad's attic.
But I found an old notebook,
where I have written an essay about the Buddha.
How old were you?
I don't know, but my handwriting indicates early primary school.
"Buddha became holy. They 'new' he was going to be something big [great]."
"And he did become something big. He became fat and big."
That's a botched job.
But it was a good summary, wasn't it?
I included the most important things.
I think you did. - It was enough.
Good. Stian?
I... have brought...
a butt plug in gold of me.
Just kidding.
This is The Golden Egg.
It is awarded to the person who has the most
embarrassing moment on TV2 [channel],
from any of their programmes that year.
I see your hedge trimming and raise you this.
Dominique Maltais, you...
I'm not Dominique.
You're not Dominique? - No.
Well, that…
Oops! - Oops.
It's Simona Meiler. - Meyer, sorry.
She made it to the semi-finals.
Okay, let's try to row this inland. [directly translated Norwegian idiom]
Congratulations with the semi-finals.
I'm not in...
I think there's some misinformation.
I just got eliminated.
Okay, Kasper, thank you very much, you ass.
That was... possibly...
the worst interview I've ever seen.
Have a nice day!
That was painful.
I was really debating with myself if I should pull this out again.
I saw it now, when I brought it with me,
I still have nightmares about it,
and it was even worse than I remembered.
You were a reporter during the snowboarding at the Olympics?
Can you imagine that? I know nothing about winter sports.
I can't even toboggan. It's that bad.
And they sent me to Sochi to be an expert commentator.
Was it just because you were young and cool?
"It's the best we have to offer"?
"It's either you or Arve Juritzen." [older, serious reporter]
"We're going with you."
Well, there are quite a few things in the pot now.
What are you going for?
There were a lot of good solutions here.
So I have to admit that it's a bit difficult.
Many of them put a lot into the pot.
Christian. You get first place, since you were drugged up.
First place? - No.
Are you starting at the top? - No, 1 point.
Sometimes the number one means first place, but not here.
Here it's at the bottom.
Tete, you get 2 points.
That low? Okay.
Yes.
Marte, you get 3.
I liked that Buddha essay, so you get 4.
Stian, of course 5 points.
With such willingness to sacrifice!
Such willingness to sacrifice.
I don't know, Stian, pulling it out again might have been worth it.
Well, I had actually hoped to get 8 points for it.
I was in as much pain as you.
Right. We have yet to see a task with eggs.
Eggs, yes! Of course, we need a task like that each season.
We have something with eggs.
Should we perhaps just get 'start-egg'?
You can't do that. Don't do that!
Oi! An egg.
And cones, and a letter.
"Roll this egg more than 300 metres in air distance," [as the crow flies]
"but less than 500m in air distance."
"But preferably 400m in air distance."
"If the egg cracks, you get zero points."
"You have 20 minutes, starting now."
That shouldn't be very difficult.
No, you wouldn't think so.
What happens if you don't roll it between 300 and 500 metres?
I'm asking you.
Then you should first spend some time being ashamed,
and then prepare to get zero points.
So you get no points? - That's right.
There's a good margin between 300 and 500 metres.
Let's just start with Tuva and Christian.
"Roll this egg 300 metres in air distance."
Now I'm taking way too long to figure out...
Air distance?
Now I'm becoming unsure of what air distance is.
Do we start here? - Yes. What is the bag for?
I have a tracking sensor,
to see how far 400 metres in air distance is.
Then we start here.
Yes. Now I'm rolling.
You can hear the egg rolling, right?
Quite the weather we have, Olli.
Try to think a little now.
How can you roll something in air distance?
Okay, this is going to be good.
I'll attach this...
in... that.
And I'll attach the other end down there.
And then I'll lay the egg...
Lay the egg here-
No!
Fuck.
It doesn't give me the air distance.
That's what sucks with this thing.
It says that we're at approximately 200 metres.
But I had- And now I felt a drop of rain.
It's started raining.
What are you doing? - Following my senses.
I don't often do that, but when I do,
it's so intense that it might work.
400 metres is a little further than you'd think.
We'll stop here.
Here? - Yes.
Bye, then. - Bye.
I want to start with you, Tuva.
What were you really thinking here?
That air distance was a straight line in the air?
No, but... - But a little yes too?
You have the air distance, and you have the road.
Yes.
And then I couldn't figure it out.
It stopped there.
What I want to say about how you solved the task:
Be glad the egg cracked right away.
It saved you a lot of trouble. - That's true.
Which probably wouldn't even get approved.
So I think that was the best thing that could happen.
You saved some time, and could spend it on something better.
Christian, it is as you say:
400 metres is further than you might think.
It's hard to say. How far did Christian get?
231 metres.
You would have to double it.
That's how far you went, Christian.
Tuva gets zero points. - Yes, I get that.
I thought you would say that you're happy with that.
Two participants with zero so far.
Very good! Great start!
Here comes the rest.
I need to find a pram, so I can go for a walk with the egg.
Now I'm rolling the egg. [you 'roll' a pram]
This is where you start? - Yes, this is where I start.
Are you ready? - I am ready.
Can you say "Ready, set, go"? Ready, set, go.
One, two, three...
One.
Two.
Three.
Here, for example, you have a classic 60-metre track.
There, like that.
It's rolling in here.
If this isn't rolling, I don't know what it is.
I'll speed up a bit.
Okay, then I'll roll.
I won't cheat and stop rolling, or anything.
I'm paying attention.
69, 70, 71...
There, that was 60 metres.
199.
200!
I'm only halfway there!
180 plus...
Oi oi oi, then we're at 240.
Olli! - Yeah?
There it says "400 metres"!
I know it's not my 400 metres,
but something is happening in 400 metres.
Then there's a four metre tall bridge.
If I go over to that bridge,
then that's the distance, in air distance.
That says quite a bit about what 400 metres is.
397.
398.
399!
And 400!
There.
Thank god I'm done!
Why did I do that?
Even if I win, I feel like I've lost.
Is it that bridge over there?
Is that just 400 metres?
Now I have to think.
Gut feeling says 250 metres.
I have to measure a little more.
Measure a little?
36, 37, 38, 39.
We stop there.
Now I am in the 400 range.
Here they're painting a bike lane.
I'm just trying to feel it out.
I'll stop here.
Bye!
Marte, you found a sign that showed 400 metres,
and then you started walking that distance,
even though you had already walked all the way to that sign,
which was also quite far?
Just the joy of seeing a unit of measurement was…
You restarted in your head,
even though the competition was over halfway through.
Do you want to guess how far you went in air distance?
I still think I'm inside the limit.
I can tell you how far you walked.
Not in air distance, but you walked approximately 1,400 metres,
and it was 797 metres in air distance.
How much?
797. - No!
So a bit much.
After all, we walked together from the sign that said 400
until there were 20 metres left to the bridge.
And that was in a straight line.
So that was almost 400 metres in itself.
It's easy to say now, Olli. - It is.
Very easy to say now.
And you only got one chance, too.
Stian, you did something a bit different.
What did you do?
I chose to think past that 'air distance' word.
"Roll the egg... 400 metres."
I thought: "I can manage that."
None of us will get a proper job after this, you know.
You're probably stuck with what you're doing now.
Yes, I think so. Which I barely manage to do.
But, that being said, the task said nothing
about the air distance needing to be
in a straight line from point A to B.
No, it didn't.
And it was exactly 400 metres in air distance.
You just split it into 200 parts.
Or actually 400.
Back and forth. Back and forth.
Back and forth...
200 times.
So it's approved!
I'll take that.
That's good. Then you're back.
If you want to say something, Christian, you may.
This is 12 km in air distance?
No.
But all in all...
If you go back and forth to, say, Lillehammer,
then it's almost 400 km.
I think that sounds fair.
Because you had the same solution, right, Tete?
No, but can I just...
It was just so wonderful to see Stian.
It seemed like he deliberately chose the most effortless way,
and then it ended up being the most tiring.
Yes, rolling an egg back and forth 400 times is an astonishing number.
Yes, at around 230 I thought:
"I don't give a fuck anymore. It's not worth it."
My hands started getting blisters...
You should not ignore the fact that it was a lucky solution.
Tete, you had a somewhat similar solution,
but with longer air distance,
and slightly more loosely-defined distances.
What did he end up with? - Tete ended up with 376.
That's good. - Yes, that's good.
Then the results are, amazingly, as follows:
Zero points for Marte, Christian and Tuva.
Second place, with 376 metres, to Tete.
A perfect 400 metres for Stian.
5 points.
We can see the standings here.
And in total today, after two tasks, it's like this.
You've started off well today, Stian.
Can't say the same about you, Christian.
You can say what you want.
I say it's time for some advertising.
Click on the pad, Olli. Click!
Would you say, Olli, that you are a believer?
A believer? - Gullible. [literally: 'good-believer']
Well... In what way are you thinking of?
If I say there are 335 audience members here today...
Then I believe that, yes. - You believe that.
Of course. - You have to - Yes, you have to.
You brought your glasses? - Yes, I did.
I look so good with glasses.
I can just feel that this is a head...
...brain exercise.
Fortunately, I can tell by your energy that you are 'switched on'.
Well, we'll see. - We'll see.
"How many beads are in the glass, in total?"
"Write the answer on this board."
"Fastest wins."
"You get an extra 40 seconds added for every bead you miss."
What more does it say?
"There are 1,000 beads in the glass."
What? "Your time starts now"?
What? Okay, I don't understand this.
This is exactly what I meant by "brain exercise".
Now you're playing a trick on me.
There can't be that many.
Well.
A brain exercise, Tuva? - Yes.
The correct answer was even in the letter.
Yes, but it's still a brain exercise. - You call it a brain exercise?
Yes, since you're being tricked, or so you think.
Yes, it's difficult to comprehend the correct answer.
It's... It can't get more obvious than this, Olli.
No, the task is very straightforward:
Write down the total number of beads in the glass,
and it says that there are 1,000 beads in the glass.
And there are. - Yes, there are.
I cannot understand how this could be misinterpreted.
I couldn't either, but then I started working with these people.
We'll see how it went.
We can take a look at everyone except... Marte.
There are 1,000 beads in the glass.
Are there?
Then I just have to...
Finished.
Should I stop the time? - Yes.
"How many beads are in the glass, in total?"
"Write the answer on this board."
Should I stop the time?
Yes.
I can't be bothered to…
Oh my god.
I know it doesn't look like it at first,
but there is always more than you think.
I may be a simple boy, but I'm not that stupid.
There are not 1,000 beads in there.
It's possible to misunderstand this,
if you're stupid.
Aaah...
I think I got it.
900.
What I'm thinking is: "There are 1,000 beads in the glass."
There are actually 100... in the glass.
But there is room for 1,000.
So therefore 900?
Yes, 100 minus...
I can see approximately 100.
"How many beads are in the glass, in total?"
But it also says that there are 1,000 beads in the glass.
"There are 1,000 beads in the glass."
But there aren't.
There are 100.
Should I stop the time?
Yes, whatever you do, stop it there.
Right, if you don't go, I will.
Oh, it's like that?
I have stopped the time.
Yes, I know that.
I'm just enjoying myself with you, Olli.
But if you...
Okay. Cool.
I don't waste time.
Right, you have so much to do.
I just want to check if there are 1,000 in there,
but I can't be bothered, since I've already written it down.
So the task is over, right?
Or what do you think, Olli? - Goodbye.
Tete...
Tete, can I please see that victory dance of yours one more time?
That was the only thing of value in that clip of me.
That I showed the finger to Olli.
You must try to take me back to where you were,
and what you were thinking,
because I still can't wrap my head around it.
I have to admit that I had
completely forgotten about this task.
'Repressed' is what it's called.
Yes, probably. I can see that I was there,
but I must have gone into a deep, deep psychosis.
I just have to say, when the clip started, Tete turned to me and said:
"I don't think I did that one."
So I can't take you back to anything that you haven't already seen.
At least it's good that you're not trying to defend your method,
because I don't think that was on the answer sheet.
But it was impressive.
The rest were pretty much the same as each other, but we have one left.
Let's take a look at Marte.
"1,000 beads in the glass."
"Your time starts now."
Thank you!
It doesn't have to be very difficult, does it? Or?
Then I was back in the race.
Well, are you completely sure about that?
Because you didn't give up. You came right back in...
No, don't say that.
I wonder if you... - Didn't you stop?
No, the camera kept rolling,
and you were standing there for a while.
So here's more of Tete's logic.
Let's take a look at that.
Wasn't that right?
"How many beads are in the glass, in total?"
There are 1,000 beads.
Yes, that's what you wrote there.
But this can't be 1,000, can it?
There's no chance that this is 1,000 beads.
17, 18, 19, 20.
I lost one there.
20, 40.
No, are we really continuing like this?
Now there are things falling to the floor.
I can't find them, but I've taken 40.
40?
50.
No, 40.
One...
two, three, four, five.
There must be an easier way to do this.
You can see that this...
Is it logical? Is it 1,000?
If this is 100, plus those down there?
200...
300...
400...
500.
Then I end up with 1,000, like I said before.
Now you have found out that there are 1,000.
So I can stop the time? - Yes.
Good. - Bye. - Bye.
Yes, Marte.
Here you could have been at the very top,
if you had just believed in yourself.
I thought he would be nice and stop the time after the first attempt,
since I still ended up with 1,000.
You thought you'd just count them so you could sleep at night?
That's right, Atle.
You ended up with 1,000, that's right...
...on the board.
But how many beads were in the glass then?
You had dropped many of them on the floor and on the table...
Don't you dare!
165 beads were in the glass.
Don't- How many beads are in the glass?
Now you're getting it too.
No.
The task text is: "How many beads are in the glass, in total?"
So I could take out all of them and just keep one, and then say "one"?
You could have poured them all out and said "zero".
You tell her, Olli.
Right, well... You're not winning.
But I can remind you that for each bead that was wrong,
you got an extra 40 seconds added to your time.
But even then, Tete is at the bottom,
with 10 hours, 5 minutes and 22 seconds.
Then it's Marte.
You had 9 hours, 23 minutes and 20 seconds.
Tuva, a big jump: 20 seconds.
Christian: 15 seconds.
Stian, 10 seconds and 5 points. Congratulations.
Five again.
That's incredible.
That's good.
We'll sneak in a little ad break,
but we'll be back before you know it.
Now, how about we see this snobby bunch
get their hands dirty for a change?
Doing some hard work, you mean?
Yes, a real 'dirt job'.
A proper 'shit job', basically.
A proper 'shit job'. A 'rolling in shit' job.
That sounds good.
Yes, yes.
Welcome.
Here you go.
No!
No.
No, is my first response.
But we'll see.
I guess I should just get started, as usual.
"Who is at the bottom of the pool?"
"Fastest correct answer wins."
"Your time starts now."
Who is at the bottom of the pool?
Who?
Did you put a person down there?
Yes...
Who is hiding at the bottom of the pool?
We have already seen that.
It's your handsome face, Olli.
When it comes to mud baths,
I like to start with Christian.
I'll just start with this.
Oh, it's that deep.
But why should I wear a mask?
Is it you, Olli? Is it you?
This is going well. Shall we see.
Olli Wermskog.
That went well. Bye.
Here you were straight to the point, Christian.
Was it the will to solve the task quickly that took charge here?
And painlessly? - Yes.
But you were more out of breath at the end
than you have been so far... in the season.
Yes.
That... yes.
Yes, it was fast and it was impressive. - But do you think it's enough?
Are you the best, do you think? - I don't think it's enough.
It was kind of annoying, too,
because I wanted to see you mess around in the mud.
It would have been a great image. - You can see it later.
But there is someone else messing around in it.
We can take a look at that now.
But do I have to...
What is this?
Yuck!
You didn't put your hair in a bun?
I didn't think of that.
Yuck!
I think my feet work just as well as my hands here.
I'm not going to lie down here.
Oh my god.
Have you ever tried moving clay?
Yes.
It's quite heavy. - Yes.
I don't see anything!
I have no feeling in my toes because of the cold.
It's cold? - Yes, it's cold.
Aargh!
Now I'm doing hard labour here.
Get it out.
Here you go, Olli.
Olli! There is crap everywhere.
Who is this?
It looks like any white person.
There! I see it.
Your tired eyes. It must be you.
Should I stop the time? - Yes.
I think I'm looking for a rubber duck.
Pink?
I can't see who it is.
I don't get it. It must be a very small thing.
I don't get how I haven't felt anything yet.
Is it Atle? No.
I see a pretzel moustache.
Blue-green eyes.
Is it you?
Smile with your teeth.
No.
I can lie down, and then I'll be at the bottom of the pool.
Can I answer "me"?
Yes, you can answer whatever you want.
I'm the one at the bottom of the pool!
My ass. Is at the bottom of the pool.
Right, should I stop the time? - Yes.
I think it's a picture of you.
Stripping all of this away,
it's a portrait of your face.
Okay. Should I stop the time? - Yes.
Now I should see who this is.
It really looks like you around the eyes.
It is you.
I'll say "you".
Should I stop the time? - Yes.
Marte, have you and Christian swapped methods?
Strolling around aimlessly, without reason.
Least possible effort and still make it?
It was an intense inner joy, when I saw what was at the bottom.
You didn't go all-in.
Stian... - Oh no...
It was literally an 'ass' [awful] solution,
but we cannot disapprove of it.
No? - No!
You were at the bottom of the pool.
You were at the bottom.
You cracked a code no-one had thought of.
I would call it a loophole.
We're usually good at filling loopholes,
but we didn't manage it in this particular task.
So we have no other choice but to give you the right answer.
That doesn't mean you won.
We have to check the times.
Yes, I can start at the bottom.
Start at the bottom. That's a great idea.
With 22 minutes and 5 seconds, it's Tuva.
Second from the bottom, with a guess:
Marte. 11 minutes and 10 seconds.
Tete, 5 minutes and 37 seconds.
Stian, 4 minutes and 23 seconds.
Christian, 3 minutes and 13 seconds.
Look at that!
Can we get the points up?
In total today. Oi oi oi...
A nine point lead.
If the scoring is as usual,
it will be hard to kick him off the throne.
It's time for the last task of the day.
You know what to do.
New task, new opportunities.
We're now up on stage, all of us.
And this is a hint.
Because the first thing you have to do,
is to pick up all-
Or not all, but as many of the yellow balls as you can.
Whoever has the most yellow balls when one minute has passed wins.
Alright?
But, in addition, you cannot go outside this square.
And you have to keep your balloon in the air like this the whole time.
You can't hold it, and you can't burst it.
It must stay in the air like this.
If your balloon hits the ground, you're out.
Then you can sit on the bench over there,
without getting in the way of the others.
You have one minute.
Three, two, one.
No!
Make sure it's not just balancing...
You're at the limit, Christian.
You're almost balancing it.
Oh for god's sake!
There are 15 seconds left.
No!
You're out, Stian.
5 seconds left.
Two, one...
Then we have to count over your buckets,
and we'll sum it up down in our seats.
Yes. That was...
A lot of good effort.
Surprisingly fun.
How did it go, Marte?
I just realised that I've fallen apart tonight.
Yes, you look a bit resigned.
That's correct.
I'll get back on the horse, I just can't be bothered...
Can't be bothered pretending?
I can't be bothered pretending, or go through the scores.
We just have to hurry to create new episodes.
We can keep you off the horse a bit longer.
You are at the bottom, with 10 yellow balls.
Tuva, 16.
Stian, you got 18.
And two of you got the same result.
Tete and Christian both got 31,
but one of yours, Tete, was blue.
Yes, I know.
That means second place for you, Tete.
5 points, Christian. - Good!
Christian wins the task.
Then we'll see how it went overall in today's programme.
It is, of course, Stian Blipp who wins.
You win a good collection of botched work.
We'll be back next time with more tasks,
more points to be awarded,
and the same old gang.
See you.
Original Norwegian subs by: LinQ Media Group
English translation by: u/msbtvxq
Proofread by: u/taskmastermaster
Translation produced in association with: Taskmaster Worldwide Inc @tmworldwideinc