No.
"Cactus in my forehead"
A warm welcome back to the Drammen theatre,
and another season of Kongen Befaler,
the programme that just keeps giving and giving
so that you at home can feel a little smarter.
And once again I have with me the man who keeps giving me a lot,
and giving the participants relatively little: Olli Wermskog.
Thank you.
You give me quite a bit, as well.
Yes, I give you a bit,
but I did not give you permission to speak, for example.
Now you can speak. - It won't happen again, silly me.
I will never do that again, but I can take my words back.
Very generous, Olli. - You're welcome.
Speaking of which, we have quite a generous bunch with us,
who give a lot of themselves.
Welcome Petter Schjerven! [presenter]
Ingar Helge Gimle! [actor]
Ingrid Gjessing Linhave! [presenter]
Nora Svenningsen! [comedian]
And Jonis Josef! [comedian and actor]
They will, of course, fight for...
a bust in gold of me.
Yes, Ingar, you are probably...
You're actually the oldest participant we have had on the show.
Are you in your eighties now?
And I've also lost my voice.
On your 90th birthday, at that.
Yes, I'm probably the oldest.
But do you think your vast life experience will be a plus here?
No.
I have low self-esteem.
As you get older, your self-esteem declines.
You can't see well, and you lose things.
But I will do my best.
Yes, Petter, you strike me as a scrappy, 'Petter Smart' kind of guy. [Disney character aka 'Gyro Gearloose']
You could have been part of Flåklypa. [Norwegian animated film, aka The Pinchcliffe Grand Prix]
Flåklypa? Yes, gladly.
Yes.
You like old-school solutions.
There is a 'Reodor' in me. [inventor character in Flåklypa]
Ingrid, I'm excited about you.
We know you as a cheerful,
gentle, empathetic person.
Do you think we'll see more of that in this show?
I forgot to mention, I sometimes tend to ask leading questions.
Right.
No, I agree that in this show you will probably see
more temperament, stress and paranoid tendencies
than in, for example, Kvelden før Kvelden. [cosy Christmas talk show]
Yes, so we're going to see a slightly different side of Linhave?
I think this is more of the private side, actually. Unfortunately.
Unfortunately for not only you, but several people around you as well?
Nora.
Young, up-and-coming stand-up comedian.
When you, in 10-15 years,
have become a popular comedian in Norway,
do you think it'll be in spite of, or because of, this show?
Already there, I struggle to differentiate those terms.
In spite of, because of. Isn't that the same thing?
I can speak more slowly if it…
I struggle to separate them. - Right.
Just say "yes".
Yes.
Do you want to be measured on what you do here,
or would you already now say that you also have other qualities?
I have...
I sometimes ask leading questions.
I think all my qualities come to the fore in this season.
So you'd call them qualities?
Yes, what...
So many foreign words... - It's good.
Jonis, we know you as a lively and energetic type of guy.
What about your ability to see things through?
I sometimes ask leading questions.
Yes, very leading.
The problem is that I have established myself
as a lively and energetic type of guy.
And I don't like that.
I want to take this opportunity to establish myself again
as a wise, calm, and reflective type of guy.
I feel like we've got to know each other well, so let's get started.
What are we doing in the legendary prize task today, Olli?
We will do as followed.
The participants will bring an item in a given category,
which the winner of today's programme gets to take home as a prize.
And today you will bring "Something you've had enough of".
"Something you've had enough of."
Understood?
I assume that you have, since you've already prepared for it.
It didn't come as a surprise for you.
I think we can start with you, Ingar.
Something you've had enough of.
Yes.
This.
These are ice hockey pucks.
They are.
I played...
I played ice hockey until I was 17 years old,
but then I stopped because I kept breaking my arms and legs.
I was a small guy, and got a lot of beatings.
But 50 years later I moved back to Torshov, where I'm from, [district in Oslo]
and when I saw the Voldsløkka ice rink,
I started playing ice hockey again.
Then I had to buy a hockey stick and a puck.
But I really wanted all the other equipment too.
It looked so cool.
So I went into the store...
Jockstrap and stuff? - Jockstrap and all that.
Then I went into... But I didn't have the courage.
So every time I go in to look at the equipment,
people come over and ask if I need help.
"I, I'd like to have a puck or..."
Yes, that's good.
That's great.
Jonis, what have you brought?
I have brought...
I want to establish myself as a wise and reflective type of guy,
as the mouthpiece for the Norwegian people.
So what I have brought is something I've had enough of.
And that is the interest rate.
It's an idea, it's not an item.
But I think the interest rate is very high,
and I've had enough of the increasing interest rate.
I did it!
This is satire. If you keep going like that,
you might get invited to Nytt På Nytt. [Norwegian version of Have I Got News For You]
That's what I'm working for. I'm waiting for the phone call.
Yes, that's great.
Nora.
Yes, I have brought...
these small figures of Daryl Dixon from The Walking Dead.
Of who?
Are these figures of the same person?
Yes, and now I've had enough.
He can't stand, but I see that…
So these are action figures of a guy in The Walking Dead?
Yes.
That zombie show?
Yes, but I'm thinking, this is enough. - Yes, this is enough.
But why do you have them?
It must have been a difficult time.
It was the only thing I could relate to.
I dreamed of sharing the zombie apocalypse with him,
if it were to happen.
But what have you had enough of?
The production of these, or just that you have so many?
I... Now... Now it's enough. - Right.
Four of that guy, yes. The task is solved.
I would say so. It is very much solved.
Ingrid.
I've had enough of something that just gives me low self-esteem.
That is men who... - Low self esteem?
That is men who wear a flat cap.
No, I... Petter!
The strange thing is that you have a free pass,
I promise, I'm not just saying that, because you...
He is a flat cap.
Yes, you're supposed to wear it,
but something has happened in society.
Younger men have started wearing it,
but this is something you wear when you know things.
So they should take it off and wait.
Wait maybe 30 years before wearing that hat.
Yes, speaking of Petter.
What have you brought?
Yes, I've had enough of...
This is very obvious.
Chopsticks from takeaway sushi.
That whole thing is full of chopsticks?
Yes, the ones at the bottom are from around 1999.
Oh wow.
Because you have your own chopsticks at home?
Yes, and they often have too many in the takeaway bag.
But now I have enough. - Why have you kept them?
I can't throw them away. I could perhaps build something.
Something creative. Or use them as kindling wood.
Yes, that would be perfect.
Yes, I have done that occasionally, but I feel guilty.
It's best to just have them...
Someone has made them.
That's what I'm saying, the interest rate is too high.
Ready to hand out the first points of the season?
Yes, but I think it's very difficult.
It's not always difficult to give the best score,
but it's sometimes hard to give the worst score.
There's a high level here, so I think I'll do a twist
and say that everyone starts at three.
Everyone starts with 3 points.
And then I give an extra point to Ingar for those pucks.
So you have 4 points.
I think we'll leave it at that. - Alright.
Yes, three, four, three, three, three.
How lovely! - Isn't that a nice start?
Yes, very nice. - It's age discrimination!
That made me so happy.
Then Ingar gets the first 4 points of the season.
It's like Kongen Befaler in 'ideal time'. Everyone... [aiming for the same score/result]
In a way, but I know these things mean so much to you,
so if I were to crush those dreams already,
it might have taken a long time to get back up.
I got a little moved.
I thought this was so nice for you. - I can hear it in your voice.
Sentimental. - Yes, you are choking up.
But now it's been a long time since I've seen
someone do something with a rubber duck.
I like rubber ducks. - Yes, it's been a long time.
Is there a particular place you want that rubber duck?
I would like... The rubber duck should be behind the wall. In the bucket.
In the bucket behind the wall?
Okay, then we'll see the rubber duck in the bucket behind the wall.
Look at that handsome man. Oi, you're buried.
Very cute. Is this for me? - Yes, please.
Is it the duck?
And then there's the task.
Thank you.
"Get the rubber duck into the bucket. The bucket is behind the wall."
"The bucket and the wall cannot be moved."
"You must be in this hole when the rubber duck lands in the bucket."
"First rubber duck in the bucket wins. Your time starts..."
You have started it. - I started it now.
You started the time. - Yes, I usually do.
Then there's not much to wait for. - Absolutely not.
Let's start with the showdown between the 'king of swearing' from Torshov [Ingar]
and the wrecking ball from Porsgrunn. [Nora]
Oh it's all the way in there.
Okay. Then I was far away.
"You must be in this hole..." I have to be in it.
But the duck doesn't have to be...
I'll put it there.
I actually thought I would reach...
You thought you would reach the wall?
I have to get something that's longer.
If I put it there.
Fuck.
You shouldn't swear on TV.
But I swear a lot, since I'm from Torshov.
That's not good. I won't...
Now I said "fuck". Did you hear that?
I didn't mean to.
You shouldn't fucking do that. - No.
Fuck!
Now I'm spending so much time.
Not even a strip.
Now I have it. This is the last stick.
Please!
Wait, I'll just push the wall.
My god, that's a lot smarter.
No, like that.
No. Ingar...
There, yes.
And if I then throw this at the wall.
Fuck!
Let's see if it fell in...
I did it!
Then I might have completed the task.
Fuck!
Now it'll work.
Adios amigos.
Yes, I don't think the wrecking ball from Porsgrunn was that bad.
You went all-in with full power, with arms, legs and mouth in place.
It probably took about 16 tries, with sticks at first,
and with it falling the opposite way,
but it eventually got in the bucket.
Yes, it did.
Shall we see how it went with those two?
Yes, we have some times.
Let's see...
Ingar spent most of his time putting the duck in place.
You almost went crazy for a moment there.
It took a long time to get the duck in place.
But it wasn't that long.
5 minutes and 8 seconds.
That's a long time, isn't it?
Well, Nora took 12 minutes and 13 seconds.
It was both quite okay and quite bad.
I have a feeling that we may not have seen the winner or the loser yet.
No, we haven't. Because here comes the winner and the loser, and one more.
I have to at least see what's going on behind here.
There's the bucket.
I'm completely broken, mentally, already.
Okay, we'll try a classic NBA. Let's see.
No, okay. That's not good.
But I know what I'm doing.
Think, think, think, think, think, think, think.
I'm going to make a gondola with the duck in the cable car,
and then I'll use rope to get it over.
I'll use a slide, for when I throw it. The problem is the range.
I have too little range to get it in,
so I have to have something that will lift this.
This is... I'm a genius!
Come on. There we go.
I have to throw it back.
Okay, now the magic happens.
No!
Damn. It's coming!
Are you okay? - No!
Because now I know it's all a mess.
Stupid... I'm not angry at the task, just at myself.
Like that, okay. Now.
No, too far.
I'm not allowed to move the wall.
Yes! Oh, awesome.
It's in.
It's in?
I've stopped the time.
I am really happy.
It's like basketball, you know.
You have to come in high and low.
Not... You have to come in higher, sort of. Like that.
Yes!
Masterfully solved.
Try to beat that, guys.
Kobe.
This is masterfully solved.
A perfect mix of smart and lazy.
Yes. I am lazy.
You tend to follow the path of least resistance?
Yes, absolutely.
I just want to say, Ingrid, that you had a good idea with that gondola.
But it's a big downfall when you talk about a gondola
and then fall on your ass twice.
You fell for your own tricks there.
Jonis, I would like to quote you on something you said here.
You said, "It's like basketball, you know."
"You have to come in high and low."
"Not... You have to come in higher, sort of."
So that was the secret here?
There won't be any Nytt På Nytt [HIGNFY] with this feedback.
You would have to polish it up a bit.
Do you want some times?
We have the winner and the loser. The loser was...
You spent a lot of time on that gondola.
It was 13 minutes and 27 seconds. It's at the very bottom.
At the top is Petter with 1 minute and 27 seconds,
and Jonis in second, 2 minutes and 21 seconds.
The first 5 points go to Petter. That's good.
Then we can see the standings here.
And in total, after two tasks.
It's very close.
We'll have a little ad break, but we'll be right back.
Yes, what are you thinking about?
What? - What are you thinking about?
I'm thinking that resourcefulness,
and the ability to think solution-oriented
under stress can save lives, Olli.
Is that what you're thinking about?
Maybe we should focus on that?
Yes, I think we should.
We have a task that focuses on that.
I know.
This will get messy.
Can I get a rain poncho before I open the letter?
No? Then I'll just have to run for cover.
"Save the most whole eggs from the blender."
"Olli will start the blender in 45 seconds."
"Your time stops every time you step out of the lab,"
"and continues every time you enter the lab."
"You cannot..."
You're funny.
"You cannot touch the eggs..."
"You cannot touch the eggs or take the blender out of the lab."
"The most whole eggs when the time is up wins."
So it's "Save the most whole eggs..."
Your time starts now.
The time stops every time I step out of the lab. Stop. Stopped?
Very well illustrated, Jonis.
Very good.
The time stops every time you leave the lab.
When you're in the lab, you only have 45 seconds at your disposal.
This means that you can spend hours outside the lab.
To think and prepare.
Some are likely to become a bit hotheaded, of course. With so little time.
If you were to bet money on one person becoming hotheaded,
who would that be?
Who would that be, Ingrid?
I think I'll go 'all in' for Ingrid.
I'll bet my house, home, keys and everything.
Then we'll take a look at Ingrid,
and we'll also throw in Ingar, Petter, and Nora.
Let's do that.
"Your time starts now."
"You cannot take the blender out of the lab."
"Save the most eggs..."
"Your time stops every time you step out of the lab."
"Save the most eggs." "Your time stops..."
"Continues every time you enter the lab..."
"You cannot touch the eggs"!
I can't touch the eggs.
But I can touch the blender, right?
Right...
No...
Now I have two solutions with me.
Okay.
No, stay in here.
Okay, but if...
No, don't go down here.
No!
No! Olli! Olli!
Olli, this was too much for me.
It happened so fast.
Yes.
I want to ask you first, Ingrid,
how do you think the panic tactic worked?
I don't know what's going on.
No. You weren't allowed to touch the eggs,
so you were out already there.
You could have spared yourself all the hassle that came after.
Good point.
You touched the eggs, zero points.
This reminded me of giving birth. - It's not that big of a deal.
You didn't have many whole eggs left.
Why did it remind you of giving birth?
Just all the chaos inside me.
I remember while I was giving birth, I thought,
"I have to get out in the woods, because this isn't working."
I had the exact same feeling in there.
Welcome to ours.
Fortunately, there are only nine weeks left,
so it should be okay.
Ingar. It looked like you were taking it personally,
when the eggs started doing the opposite of what you wanted.
Yes, I got very into it.
Indignant and irritated at the eggs.
At myself. - At yourself, yes.
Because you were close to being disqualified,
but you barely managed to avoid touching them with your hands.
Nora, you were most afraid for your sweater?
Yes, I panicked when that screen went down.
Then I thought "There will be a lot of splattering here."
You weren't wearing the ideal gear for egg spills.
No, but if I had known there was going to be an egg spill,
I would have undressed.
We have a wildcard left.
Yes, a genius remains.
Yes, the genius who's sitting in the corner over there.
With a flat cap. - He stepped out of the lab,
had all the time in the world to create the most ingenious solution,
and to execute it with flying colours.
That's what we have in store now.
Shall we take a look? - Yes, let's take a look.
"Don't take the blender out of the lab."
Am I in the lab now?
No.
Now I start...
The table was a lot lighter than I thought it would be.
Now you cracked the one whole egg you had.
Can I please do the task again?
I had such big plans.
I'll admit, that wasn't the solution I had envisioned.
At least not when I said "genius".
No, and I had forgotten what I had done,
and was incredibly disappointed in myself.
Can we have some numbers?
Yes, we have some numbers.
It was zero for Ingrid, who ends up at the bottom.
Jonis, zero eggs, but 2 points.
You got off very easy.
Nora, you got two eggs and 3 points.
And then we have 13 eggs for Ingar, 4 points.
And 18 eggs, a full egg carton,
5 points to Petter.
Atle, you are a person who likes shelves.
Aren't you?
Do I like shelves? - Yes, shelves.
Well, I do like a nice set of shelves.
How important is it for you that the shelves are identical? Exactly the same?
The shelves? - Yes.
Well, I do care about symmetry, so I like that they are identical.
You like shelves that are alike. - Yes, I like shelves that are alike.
Then we'll watch this.
New tasks are fun.
Before you get a letter, you get three choices.
Three choices? - You must choose one of them.
I get three choices?
That's four. - Right, sorry.
Three, and choose one.
You can put this on, so that you can't see.
Lose the ability to use your arms.
Or that you are not allowed to enter this room.
Which one do you choose?
Not using my arms.
I want to enter the room, and I want to see.
I'll lose my sight.
Take your eyes away? - Yes, I'll trust my nose and tongue.
I am not allowed to enter that room.
That's what I choose.
That's what you choose? - Yes.
"Make the shelves on the left identical to the shelves on the right."
"Most identical shelves wins. You have 10 minutes."
"Your time starts now." Fuck!
Put this on.
I'm not allowed to go in there. - No.
We're going to take a breather. We'll be back right after this.
Now you have done it, Ingar.
Are you happy with your choice?
No.
I don't understand what came over me.
You didn't know. - No.
I can repeat the three choices the participants were given.
It was either not being able to see,
not using your arms, or not entering the room where the shelves are.
Let's start with Petter and Nora.
They both chose not being able to see.
Let's start... now.
I have learned that you just have to attack things in life.
Right. - There.
Plant, round thing, plant, round thing, plant.
Tripping up right away.
This is actually...
Oh, that's heavy.
There.
Yes! - There you go.
Ow!
Ow, fuck! Ow!
Can you just hold that? Because I can't deal with it.
Where should I look for that damn cactus?
Candlestick. - Cactus.
Ow! Don't... Ow!
Okay. There.
Candlestick, cactus.
30 seconds left. - Oi oi oi.
Small suitcase. Small suitcase. Small suitcase.
Three, two...
...one, and stop.
Well well well. - Yes.
I thought that was quite impressive.
Blindfolded. Quite impressive.
Very lucky for you, Nora, that the goldfish bowl
wasn't supposed to go all the way up to the top,
where you were determined to place it.
I didn't understand why I lifted too low.
No, but you didn't really do that either.
The reason why I lifted it so strangely is
because I don't get much help from this arm,
so therefore it was extra difficult
to feel where I was, while I was lifting.
Oh, you're blaming that? - I blame the handicap.
If I can pull out the handicap card, I will.
Petter, this is kind of how I imagine you,
that you're fumbling around in the dark, looking for scraps.
It was home ground for you. - Yes.
But it was impressive from both, and it was pretty well done…
Shall we take a look? - We can look at the shelves.
Petter on the left and Nora on the right.
They are both good here, without a doubt,
but it's obvious that Petter's is slightly more identical.
For the time being, Petter is in the lead.
But there are some left.
Let's first take a look at those who chose not to have arms,
i.e. Jonis and Ingrid.
Ow! I got a cactus in my forehead.
Okay.
I'm just trying to think. Is there anything I can do?
You just said they should be identical,
not how they should be identical.
Then I have the solution.
Sorry, but they're identical.
You have five seconds left.
Okay, bye. - Bye.
Let's start with you, Ingrid. Do you have a book allergy?
No, I retch so incredibly quickly
from putting things in my mouth.
Then it's very unfortunate to get a task
where you can only use your mouth.
Yes, but a huge feeling of accomplishment over not throwing up.
You could have done what Jonis did.
Yes, Jonis.
That was really good.
It took some time, but then the genius woke up.
My Norwegian 2 teacher must be very proud of me right now.
Of the way I interpreted this task.
[Norwegian 2 = class for pupils with Norwegian as a 2nd language]
Your Norwegian 2 teacher?
My Norwegian 2 teacher, yes.
And what I notice is that sometimes you impress yourself.
I impressed myself right now,
and it was very fun to see
what would have happened in an alternate universe,
where I would also be tasting the cactus and the floor.
It was nice to kind of see what I got myself out of.
We have another genius left.
I almost forgot that we have more geniuses here.
I am looking forward to this.
You were not allowed to enter the room.
Let's see how you solved it.
I'm not allowed to go in there. - No.
I won't be able to do this.
No, dammit, this doesn't work.
It's so bad.
Just stand there! No!
This will not break. It must stand there!
That's the highlight of the day.
This goes in the middle.
This will be the worst.
I'll just get it over with right away.
I can't do anything more now,
since I'm not allowed in the room.
The shelves didn't turn out identical,
but you should get a point for that carafe,
because that was...
That was the highlight of the day.
Yes, I was on to something there.
You were on to something, with that carafe.
Like an old Torshov champion of some kind of throwing.
It was the thrower again.
The thrower in me came out again.
The points?
But you're giving him a bonus point?
He gets a bonus point, yes. He must have that.
Then the points are as follows.
It's...
It's last place, Ingar, but with a bonus point,
so you're in shared last place, or second-last place, with Ingrid.
You both get 2 points.
Nora, 3 points. Petter, 4 points.
And 5 points to Jonis.
Then we'll see the standings here.
And in total after today's tasks.
Yes, look at that. It's very tight.
Or not quite, Ingrid.
I love when I can say that everyone
has a chance to win before the last task.
But you have to work extra hard.
I don't know if it's possible, but we'll see.
But you must solve the last task here in the studio.
Get up on stage.
We have come to the last task.
Now you have to keep your tongue in cheek,
because we have a task where it is necessary
to keep the tongue in cheek.
Quite logical.
What you have to do, the task reads as follows:
I will soon give you a category,
and you must say words in the given category.
But those words must be in alphabetical order.
So first 'A', then 'B',
then 'C', then 'D', then 'E',
then 'F', then 'G', then 'H',
and then there's 'I', 'J', 'K',
'L', 'M', 'N', 'O', 'P', 'Q', 'R', 'S', 'T',
'U', 'V', 'W', 'X', 'Y', 'Z', and 'Æ', 'Ø', 'Å'.
And if you get there,
you start over at 'A', then 'B', then 'C', then 'D'.
Anyway. It works as follows.
Let's show an example.
When you have said the word,
you say the name of one of the other participants,
then you press that button,
and then we go on to the next letter in the alphabet.
Let's say the category is fruit.
Then I say "ananas" [pineapple], "Atle", and then I press.
Banana, Olli, press.
Coconut, Atle, press. And so on, and so on.
The category you will compete in is: sports and games.
We'll start with the one who is currently in last place.
Who was that, Atle?
I'll just guess Ingrid.
Ingrid, you get to start.
So you go forward,
then you say something beginning with 'A',
then you say a name, and press the button.
Let's go.
Aking [tobogganing], Petter.
Bowling, Jonis.
Curling, Nora.
Dart, Jonis.
Epilepsy.
I was so ready for this.
I went through every PlayStation game I have,
and all I could think of was epilepsy?
Jonis, you're the first one out,
but you can choose the next person,
and we continue with 'E'.
Nora, 'E'.
Elverafting [river rafting], Ingrid.
Oi.
Fallskjermhopping [skydiving], Ingar.
Yes.
Unfortunately, you pressed the button
before you were finished saying "Ingar".
I guess I did, yes.
I welcome you.
But you said "fallskjermhopping", right?
We'll still continue with 'F'.
Who will be next?
We can take Ingar. - Ingar on 'F'.
F-F-F-Fencing, Petter.
Golf, Nora.
Heiagjeng [cheering squad; she meant to say 'cheerleading'], Petter.
The sport is not called "heiagjeng" in Norwegian.
Then you haven't been to the Eastside of Porsgrunn.
We do 'heiagjeng'-ing.
Dialect isn't allowed.
We continue with 'H'.
Who will it be?
Then we'll take Petter.
Petter. 'H'.
Hang gliding, Ingar.
That's nice. - Ice hockey, Petter.
J...
We can see who won.
We'll still sum it up down in our seats.
Yes, it went really well for some.
I don't know if you have the results for today's programme?
Yes, but first we'll do the last task.
Yes.
Jonis in last place, 1 point. - What?
Surprisingly. That's how it is.
Ingrid, second last, 2 points. Nora, 3.
Petter, 4. Aand Ingar, 5 points.
The result is here. - There, yes.
And then we'll see how it all turned out in today's programme.
It is Petter Schjerven who runs away with the prizes.
Take everything on the prize table.
Come up and enjoy the prizes.
Today we learned that Ingar is from Torshov,
and that Ingrid retches because of old books.
We'll be back next week with more points, and more life wisdom.
Goodbye.
Original Norwegian subs by: Tommy Lund (LinQ Media Group)
English translation by: u/msbtvxq
Proofread by: u/taskmastermaster
Translation produced in association with: Taskmaster Worldwide Inc @tmworldwideinc