"Impossible to breath in bread"
A warm welcome
to Kongen Befaler and Season 11 from Drammen theatre!
Oh, yeah!
A season opening means a formal opening.
What screams formal more than an unveiling?
My faithful companion and assistant through all seasons, Olli Wermskog!
Oh, yeah. - That's me!
Yeah, nothing says "grand opening" like an unveiling, right?
The unveiling's all that matters. We've got five participants
whom I don't know who they are. Not because they're semi-known
influencers and reality contestants, but because they shall be unveiled. Exciting.
I'll take a guess that we start at the far end and work my way to...
Snorre Monsson! [comedian and actor]
Oh, yes!
Amalie Stuve! Wow! [comedian, actor, presenter]
Anne Marit Jacobsen! [actor]
Yes! Yes!
Abu Hussain! [comedian, actor, presenter]
There he is!
And Alex Rosén! [comedian, musician, presenter, singer]
Oh, yeah!
Five out of five. That wasn't bad.
Lastly, the reason we're here. No surprise. A bust in...
...gold of me!
What a bouquet.
What a bunch! I have to say.
Look at them.
Look! - Yeah, I see them.
Alex Rosén, now also a contestant on Kongen Befaler. How's it going to go?
I'm dreading it. - Yes, that's good.
You have every reason to dread it. But you've got nothing to lose.
Actually, I don't.
That's a huge advantage. Abu?
I don't know you that well. Are you competitive?
It depends entirely on the situation.
If we play board games and a person is annoying
and really competitive, then I'll fuck that person up.
Okay. Amalie?
You recently won a radio award
for the Talent of the Year on Radio. - Wow.
Yeah, it has to be said.
What do you think about being part of this, on camera?
What are you implying? - Absolutely nothing.
It's not like you have "a radio face".
That's not okay either. - It works on TV.
It'll be fun. They're amazing. I feel very secure and happy.
As I look around, I wonder who's this season's Petter Schjerven. [clear winner of season 9]
Or Harald Eia. [clear winner of season 5]
Abu volunteers. - I'm wearing his sweater.
It'll be entertaining. - I'm counting on it. Anne Marit?
You're one of our most beloved actors. Is that okay to say?
Won an Amanda [Norwegian film award], a Gullrute [Norwegian TV award].
Appointed Commander of St. Olavs Order. [highest civilian honour in Norway]
Which award goes if you bring this one home? Gotta make space.
Of the awards I've received in life? - Yes.
I don't want to win.
Can't be bothered.
Snorre, you've had a pretty similar role to what Olli has.
A kind of host's assistant. A slightly frivolous type.
Is it you we'll see, or will we see something else here?
This time, I'll prove that I'm not a frivolous type.
This time, I'll show you that I'm a serious type.
I've removed all entertainment. I've kept everything serious.
No, it's just...
I'm this season's Schjerven and Eia. That's what I want.
Should I confirm that you're ready for today's show?
Yes. Off we go.
It's the very first prize task of the series.
What have you asked this lot to bring along today?
It's the first episode of the season. Nice getting to know the contestants.
I asked you to bring something that gives you a lot of confidence.
Great confidence.
A good start. Let's start with you, Snorre.
It's no worse than...
Three pints.
Down it! Down it! Down it!
I've already had three, so I...
I'm not encouraging drinking, but this helps me.
This works for you. - Works for me.
Do you need it? You seem to have stable confidence.
On the inside, it's all... - You're putting on a front? Well.
It's just a shell.
The slurring empty-headed hero.
He has beer coloured hair. It's beautiful. They're matching.
It's no coincidence. Picks up the colours. Anne Marit?
What gives you confidence?
It's a bit embarrassing to boast about myself, but I'll gladly do it.
Yeah.
We need some explanation. - Let's hear...
Oh, a basket. - Oh, here we go.
I made it myself. - Yeah, exactly!
I was so afraid you'd say, "I bought this."
"On my own, without any help."
It looks well-made.
You have to go into the forest and pick the roots.
Pick them out of the bog, split them in half.
Before you have...
Before you strip the bark off, you split them in two again.
And then you'll get one binding tag and one support tag.
I'm happy with the explanation.
Amalie, what have you brought that gives you confidence?
Let's see...
Here it is.
This is a little note.
I'm sitting in an NRK canteen having lunch. This guy comes over. [NRK = Norwegian Broadcasting Corporation]
He gives me the note and says, "This is for you. Have a read."
A bit boastful, but I haven't been hit on much. It says here,
"This isn't something..."
I'm not very good at British.
"This isn't something that I usually do, but could I ask for your number?
"Unfortunately, my Norwegian isn't very good."
"P.S. You are beautiful. Or you can text me your answer."
Hey... - Wow!
Wow! - Wow!
Yes!
It's self-explanatory.
Isn't that lovely?
It could be good to turn to in dark times.
A red flag that he didn't remember his own number. He had to correct it.
Not the brightest Brit, but...
I'll take what I can get.
Awesome. Alex?
If you need more confidence, what are you going to turn to...
What would that be? - I've had excessive confidence
since birth, but I brought my sailboat logbook.
And here you have... I'd bought a new sailboat
and sailed out to sea. When you cross the sea, you get
good confidence when you get there. There'll be an increase in hormones.
I had a brand-new sailboat, arrived in Smögen, waited for my family.
And I've opened up the septic tank, so I wouldn't get an alarm.
The guys on board, who helped me sail from Germany to Sweden,
had eaten bad chili, had an upset stomach, and filled the septic tank.
I had taken the lid off. So when I went to pee,
I started pumping out the septic tank.
My boat was next to a German's equally new boat.
Then I heard the lady next to me, "Alexander, Alexander!"
Then I saw I was squirting poop into their boat.
That happened.
Amazing.
And it's logged? - It's in the log, on page one.
Lovely. Abu?
There's not a lot of "I love you" or "I'm proud of you" in my family.
Except that one time.
My first year on NRK, I made a TV show and got my first award.
My mum messaged me on Facebook saying, "I'm proud of you."
So this means a lot to me.
The comedy award.
Every time I have low self-esteem, I look at it and think,
"Shit, you have low self-esteem."
Yeah, that one's going to be touchy to score at 1 point.
Is there anyone it'll be easy to give 1 point to?
No, there's no-one it's easy to give a point to.
These are the hardest tasks because it means so much to everyone.
Everybody starts on 3 points.
Then I'll adjust you to 2, Snorre. - No?
It doesn't mean that much? - No.
No, beer doesn't beat Abu's story.
If it's late in the evening, you think: "I'm going to enjoy myself",
what do you choose, a good story or three beers?
Don't put it in context, please.
Alright, I'll accept it.
But otherwise...
I'm going to have to give you one extra on that, Abu.
I'll give you... 4 for that. - Thank you.
I'll leave the rest on 3.
Good start. - That's a good start.
Nice. - It's even.
The first points have been awarded. - Yes.
It's a new season, a new year.
It's good to stay ahead of the game, keep an eye on what's going on
at the cutting edge of technology. - Yeah, it's not a bad thing.
There's one thing in particular that I'm really passionate about.
AI? - No, not quite, but not far off.
No, it's how far the robotic technology has come these days.
I hear so much talk about it.
I like to be up to speed on that, Olli!
After all, we write '2025'. - It's come surprisingly far.
We've actually interacted with a real, bona fide robot. We have.
Hey, hey.
Cool.
I'm gonna sit down, and I'm gonna read you this letter.
Need to stop messing around. Let's see.
"Instruct the robot to return to the charging station and plug it in."
"It ignores instructions with the letter 'E'."
"You can only give the robot instructions every 15 seconds."
"The fastest connected robot wins. Your time starts now."
I'm not sure... Instruct... Which...
Fuck, no!
Wow! The charging station. Where is it? That's what I'm dying to know.
Yes, yes, yes. So the task is to give the robot instructions
that take it back to the charging station in the shed, not the garage.
The robot follows those instructions unless you use or say 'E'.
So, you can only give instructions every 15 seconds.
The command lasts 15 seconds before a new one can be given.
Yeah, who do we start with, then? I think we start with the gentlemen.
Snorre, Abu and Alex. - Yeah, yeah. Okay.
Charging station? Maybe in the garage.
Was it there? - I don't think it was there.
Hey!
Not using the letter 'E'.
Beer...
Here.
Oh, holy shit... No.
Go outside.
Go out that way.
Walk stairs.
Walk stairs!
Now. - Turn around!
Seven degrees right.
Yeah.
Follow moi.
March to garage door.
Stop!
Join me.
Yep!
Turn and walk to garage.
Bro, this is not... How dumb is the robot? Isn't it AI these days?
And... Stop!
90 degree turn, forward, march!
Hundr'd degree turn, forward, march!
There. - Stop!
Hundr'd and eighty degree turn, forward, march!
Come to the Paki!
He understood where he was going.
Stop!
Forward, march!
Charging.
Yeah, it turned out good.
I'll start with Alex. What do you think of your military tactics now?
You were very strict.
Yes, but it was okay because I didn't have to say 'E'.
You gamed the system. - Yes.
"Rrrright!" ['høyre', but rolling the 'r']
You made yourself understood.
Yes. He's been in the King's Guard. [military guards at the royal palace]
And, Abu... Do you know the difference between a garage and a shed?
Apparently not. - I want to ask you one more thing.
How many 'E's are in 'Abu'?
Zero. - Zero, yeah.
So when you said to the robot...
And here, I'm exercising my right to quote, just so it's said.
Are you sure? Are you sure?
I'm going to quote you on this.
I hereby quote you, "Come to the Paki."
You could've said, "Come to Abu."
I knew that robot was a member of SIAN. [Stop Islamisation of Norway, an anti-muslim group]
Snorre, young guy. Likeable. You're up-to-date on new technology.
It went quickly. Was the task easy to solve?
Yes, it went okay.
There's Petter Schjerven already. Did it go okay, Olli?
I can give some times. Even though Alex tried to game the system,
he has a clear current last place. You used 13 minutes 30 seconds.
Next, it's Snorre. You took 7 minutes 30 seconds.
And the fastest so far, Abu. 5 minutes 58 seconds.
Look at that! - Yes.
Yes. - But...
There are two left. - Two people remain.
Let's check out the last two.
I'm laughing so hard.
Come here.
Go to door.
Okay.
Go! Go!
Here! Here! Turn!
Stop!
- You have to wait.
Come here.
Go!
No! Stop!
No, no!
Turn! No!
Don't do that. Stop!
Come here.
Come here!
Turn so you stand thus.
It's charging.
Oh!
Yes!
Yes, you're not done. You need to charge too.
Turn!
Stop!
It's in.
There.
I like, Anne Marit,
the mix of skepticism and anger. You get very clear after a while.
But you're skeptical about whether the commands are getting through.
It got a bit tangled here.
Yeah. - But good entertainment for us.
Amalie, very well resolved. It looked effective.
No point in making it harder?
How fast was it? - Do you want the time right away?
I have the times here. Anne Marit took 10 minutes 7 seconds.
Way too much! - Better than Alex.
Okay.
That's good enough. - And then...
Abu, you took 5 minutes 58 seconds.
You spent quite a bit of time, Amalie, but you used
5 minutes fifty...
...n... seven seconds. One second better! 5 points.
Congratulations! - One second.
Which means Alex is in last place. Here are the scores.
Not bad! - In total, after two tasks.
Where are we at? Wow! Abu and Amalie are in the lead.
Not far down to anyone. We'll have a commercial break. Back soon.
Olli, a question that increasingly occupies my mind is:
Do most people identify as cabbage heads or bread heads? [both terms meaning 'idiot']
The gluten allergic in me says I don't know much about that.
Cabbage, I'm thinking. - Cabbage?
We will base this on a cross-section of the population.
And the cross-section sits here. We'll get to the bottom of this.
Oh, I love fårikål. [a lamb and cabbage stew; the national dish of Norway]
"Make the best bread head."
Bread head?
"If you make a cabbage head, you'll get 5 points, if no-one else does."
"If you're the only one who makes a bread head, you get 5 points too."
"It must be presented on your own head."
"You have 30 minutes. Your time starts now."
So if I make a cabbage head and nobody else makes it, I get 5 points.
If I make a bread head and the others make cabbage heads, I get 5 points.
Yes! - Neat.
A neat summary, Abu.
We won't have to summarise.
No more to add? - No.
If you make a bread head and they make cabbage heads, you get 5 points.
The rest will be ranked from there. - From best to worst.
There we go. - I'm a little excited.
Start with Anne Marit and Alex? - Oh, yeah!
Then let's start with those two. - Let's do it. Yes, let's do it.
There.
This is so much fun.
I'm kind of like a craftsman.
I weave baskets.
Here we go. The mouth.
Got to be happy. You have to be happy.
I actually need to have a place to breathe inside this bread.
Because it's impossible to breathe in bread.
Look at that. That's good. Why am I so clever?
Like, why am I so good?
Watch your hands. - Relax. Let's see.
Oh, my god! It's so gross in here, because it's kind of like...
Ladies and gentlemen, Breadhead.
Mr. Big Breadhead. Where is everybody? Come to daddy. Pow, pow!
You take this... Yeah, fuck. I went online yesterday and bought vitamins.
They talk so freaking corny. But now...
Where am I now?
Here we go.
We're good to go.
That was good!
Yeah!
Lovely. Anne Marit, you're having a fun conversation while working.
You're talking about buying vitamins online and people who talk...
I fall for all that crap online.
Bought 3,000 kroner worth of vitamins. [£215 / US$268]
And all the long conversations... - You take every advert personally?
Yes, I do!
Okay. We won't go into that. - She was talking to herself, not to me.
I mean, we've met two bread heads so far.
Will we meet some cabbages? - We're gonna have a look now.
We'll keep the suspense. Let's have a look.
Now, I've been thinking that...
That I can be inspired by public bread heads,
who for the past year have included Frank Løke, among others. [former handball player turned TV personality]
So here I have that mankini. [he appeared on the Norwegian version of Strictly Come Dancing dressed in a Borat mankini, and got kicked off the show]
This is kind of the pee-pee. [he appeared on the Norwegian version of Strictly Come Dancing dressed in a Borat mankini, and got kicked off the show]
Starting easy.
Kind of creepy to imagine that's Frank Løke's pee-pee.
Is it better that it is long or wide?
It's the eternal question.
I'm thinking...
It's easier to maybe carve something out with bread.
I have to present it on my own head.
Fuckers. Come on. Seriously, what's the deal?
Is it the crumbs that do it?
Then I'm done making the bread head. And this is Frank Løke.
Spitting image. Bye!
I think I'm done.
I think I've made a good bread head.
Snorre Monsson presents cabbage head.
Hello! That's so good.
Yes! Yes!
Cabbage head.
Yes!
Yes! Yes!
Good thinking, Snorre.
5 points. No questions asked. You were the only cabbage head.
Amalie, you take those extra steps and create sharp satire.
Yes, sharp satire. - The sharpest of the bunch, at least.
Yeah. - I was thinking a lot of people
were going to be making bread heads. So I wanted a niche bread head.
Frank can't defend himself here.
I'm thinking he's more towards cabbage, but...
Damn it! Yeah. No, then I've got it all wrong.
We've got a winner. But the rest...
Anne Marit, since you had such a lovely result, you get 4 points.
Thank you very much, Atle.
Abu, I'll give you 2 for the toupee.
That works. - Absolutely.
You two get 3 points shared.
You get a little extra for your sharp satire.
It was lovely.
We're just gonna watch our lives flash before our eyes, Olli.
Watch our contestants' lives flash before our eyes.
Yeah, yeah. - I'm excited.
Looks like other people are too.
Yes. Why are you sitting with your head in your hands?
What is it, Abu?
I'm going to lose some friends now.
We're not going to whole lives flash by.
We're only going to watch the opening act of the revue of your lives.
That might be more than enough. - Absolutely! It's a start,
just to set the standard. Then I think we'll see it right away.
And, Abu, you're not the only one dreading this.
Everyone does.
Hi. - Hi.
I love spotlights.
"Make a..." Oh...
"Create a stunning opening number for the revue of your life."
"Your act will be performed in an hour. Your time starts now."
Holy crap.
No!
This is a task that couldn't be more for me.
I'm excited already.
Wow!
I must say! Are you a revue man?
Yeah. - There's no question about that.
Not as enthusiastic, Amalie? - No.
I've also been involved in revue. That's why I think this is dreadful.
It's rarely the opening act that you lean on.
And there's such a high risk of failure. No, this is painful.
I guess we just raise the curtain? - We'll start with one of them.
So we know where we stand.
Who do you think I'll start with? - Alex.
Yeah, it'll be Alex.
Stunning opening act?
Hello, ladies and gentlemen! Welcome!
And just like that...
...Alex was born.
I want to remind you that you had one hour to do it.
To prepare. - To prepare the act. It took you
exactly one second.
And you took 14 seconds to complete it all. Efficient.
That's you done with.
We've gotten the opening number out of the way.
I expect the bar to go up, maybe two notches.
So we're just gonna go for the whole fruit platter?
Let's not get greedy. Why don't we try Anne Marit and Snorre first?
Sure.
Are you ready, Olli? - Yeah.
I just want to say one thing. Be aware that I was born by C-section.
♪ Snorre's mama Welcome to the house ♪
♪ This is the hospital ♪
♪ I'm your doctor, Mr. Doctor Frost I will get that child out of your pussy ♪
♪ And out of the legs A boy with orange hair would come ♪
This is the C-section. Do you get it?
Then she was stitched up. And here I was.
Drum solo!
I'm a gift from the Emperor of China!
He's the greatest of the Shang dynasty!
Gobble, gobble, gobble. Tji, tji, tji.
Gobble, gobble, gobble. Tji, tji, tji, tji!
♪ Snorre, welcome to the world ♪
♪ This is your debut! ♪
Let's take a quick breather. We'll be back right after this.
Yes.
Where should I start? With Snorre, after seeing
the joy you convey here. You'd love to do the whole show, wouldn't you?
Yes! - You could've just carried on.
It was amazing. Anne Marit, what were you doing?
I wasn't born with a C-section. - No, you weren't?
So you started with a lie? - Yes!
I'm craving more of that revue.
There's more on the menu? - Absolutely. Dessert's missing.
Let's check it out.
Where are you going?
I need to go home now. - Why? The party's just started.
Hello there!
And welcome to the show, "The Journey to the Toilet Bowl."
When Amalie was born, things got intense fast,
her lungs were full of fluid, and it almost ended badly.
Wasn't the world supposed to hear her beautiful song?
♪ I have to go to the bathroom! I have to go to the bathroom! ♪
♪ No time for parties ♪
♪ My stomach is lactose intolerant, my brother ♪
♪ Being born was dramatic for me ♪
♪ But since then, It's been going pretty smoothly ♪
Oh, there's the bathroom.
♪ And I see you looking at me ♪
♪ Please give me a good sense of direction, so that I can reach you ♪
♪ Welcome ♪
♪ To my teeny-weeny show ♪
And I'm here, but... Oh, no!
What is this? Oh, no!
♪ I didn't make it to the bathroom! ♪
♪ Now I have poop in my boxers ♪
♪ And I can't keep my pants open for you anymore ♪
♪ What am I going to tell my mum? ♪
Thank you!
This is a true story.
I'll start with you, Abu. In one way, I want to know more,
but I don't want to.
That... - What was this?
Is it based on a true story? - It's a true story.
In high school, I was at a party. I lived at Lørenskog.
I was at a party at Fjellhamar, on the other side of the county.
Then I had to go to the bathroom, but I had to go home.
I didn't make it to the petrol station.
So you started the revue straight in action.
You straight-up started with a dramatic scene,
a key scene of your life? - Yes.
I was really embarrassed. I mean, I'd pooped my pants.
I'd say you're putting on a show.
Unfortunately.
We've seen five opening numbers. Incredible or not.
It's up to you. - Time to hand out the points.
It's not that easy either. We'll start with last place, Alex.
Anne Marit, you get 2 points. I didn't understand one bit of that.
And bits are important. Or receipts. Didn't get a single receipt.
You should catch up a bit. - Yeah, I should.
Haven't been paying enough attention. Amalie, 3 points.
Well-paid. - Yeah.
That goes for you too, Abu. Well paid with 4.
Because it was 5 for Snorre! - Yes!
Another one!
Scores are in. Then we can see the totals.
The total. Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Wow! Extremely close. It's still anybody's game. Pretty much.
Which is good because there's more to come. A studio challenge.
Which means it's gonna happen up here. Jump up here.
Yeah. Hey, hey, down there! Up here, that's where I'm sitting.
Now we're gonna play a little game. You're gonna guess which word I say.
You're going to think it's easy. I say a word, you can guess it. No.
It depends on how good you are
at reading my lips. Norway's most beautiful lips.
You'll have headsets on and won't be able to hear what I'm saying.
I'll show the number of words in the sentence, maybe one, maybe five,
as I'm saying it. Write down what you think.
Whoever is the furthest away from the answer, which Atle calls,
has to sit there and comes in at the bottom.
It goes on until we have a winner. Questions?
Hah? - Hah?
Did you get that, Anne Marit? - Very well.
You said "hah". - There was another reason for that.
Sure. First show. There are many episodes left.
Then you can put on your headsets.
Okay.
Kongen Befaler.
Yes.
It'll be exciting. - Let's see if they're ready.
Good! Alex, we'll start with you. What do you think I said?
What does it say? - Kongen Befaler.
Kongen Befaler. Abu?
Kongen Befaler.
Anne Marit?
What does it say?
'Thank you for today.'
Amalie? - It sure looks like it.
So...
Duck, oh no!
Okay. And Snorre?
Kongen Befaler. - Three 'Kongen Befaler's.
That's what I said. It's up to you, Atle.
Is it 'Duck, oh no!' or 'Thank you for today'?
You've made it difficult for me.
'Duck, oh no!' or 'Thank you for today'?
I wonder if "Duck, oh no!" is the farthest from it. I think so, Amalie.
Go to the loser's bench up there. Let's keep going!
Put on your headphones.
Your time starts now.
Yeah, yeah.
Okay! Alex, over to you. That was three words.
Your time starts now. - Okay. Abu.
Your time starts now. - Good! Anne Marit.
No, I don't want to show it.
What does it say? - 'Stay seated'.
'Stay seated'.
I'm sure you'll stay seated.
Snorre?
Yes. Time for train.
The correct answer was 'Your time starts now.'
Okay. - Then shall we see who...
Who's the farthest away? Two haven't got it right.
Let's see what you had, Anne Marit.
You had 'Stay seated'. At least I got 'time' right.
You don't want to give her that one? Anne Marit!
Yes!
Egg.
Alex, let's start with you again.
One.
Abu?
Jack.
Snorre?
Moose.
Yes. The correct answer was 'egg'.
Egg. - Oh, holy crap. That was a tough one.
Tough, yeah.
Actually, Abu, you're the one getting knocked out for 'Jack'.
'Moose' and 'One' were closer. But you did not do a bad job.
Everyone did great. - You're good!
Couldn't be bothered to sit there.
Yeah, then it's possibly the final. Possibly the finale.
One winner will be crowned.
I refuse to lose.
Take off!
You've both written something? - Yes.
We'll start with you again, Alex. What did you write?
I refuse to lose. - Wow!
You and me both! - Wow!
Yeah. Told you so.
So, we'll have to do one more.
Weight.
Look at him work. - Snorre looks... Trying again.
Snorre almost looks a little sad. - Rewind. Imagining it.
Now I'm excited. - Yeah, now I'm excited.
Alex? - Weight.
Snorre?
Wait.
One of you got it right.
'Weight' is correct. - Yes!
We have a decision, but we'll reveal the points down at our seats. Fun!
That was fun!
Yeah! Sure, it was entertaining.
Shall we recap the season's first studio challenge?
Just happened, so I can recall it.
For those who don't remember, you came in last, Amalie, 1 point.
Then Anne Marit, 2 points. Abu 3, and Snorre 4. Alex, 5.
Look at this. - Here are the scores.
Let's see how you did overall on the first episode of the season.
It's Snorre who takes home the first prize!
You can come up and accept the prizes that give you confidence.
There will be more of that now. We'll be back next time
with more challenges, points, and the same old contestants.
We've learned that the key isn't being the best bread head,
as long as you're a unique cabbage head. Yes.
Think about it. See you next time.
Original English subs: Benedikte Sommerbakk (LinQ Media Group)
Adjustments and context notes: u/taskmastermaster