"Dick, thick, stick"
A warm welcome to Kongen Befaler,
the show that makes you smile, maybe even laugh,
maybe makes you reflect on life, appreciate life more.
What do I know? Besides me being here and you being there,
in your usual place, Olli Wermskog. - Right. Thank you!
Yes, it's lovely to be here contemplating life with you.
Are you alright? - I'm perfectly fine.
Partly because I'm sitting next to the man of my dreams.
Aw.
I know you. It's not me.
You guessed right. A bust in gold of me.
This will be the man in someone else's life.
This person is, for the time being, unaware of the victory over this gang.
Let's say hello to...
Snorre Monsson!
Amalie Stuve.
Anne Marit Jacobsen.
Abu Hussain.
Alex Rosén.
Well, here we go, as usual, with the prize task.
The contestants bring something that fits the category.
Which category did you give them?
I've asked you to bring something you're ashamed of owning.
We'll start with you, since you won the last show, Snorre.
I've brought this. - Huh?
What are you ashamed of?
This is a game called Hnefatafl.
I call it the Falafel Game. - Nice. The Falafel Game.
It's kind of a mix... - What language were you speaking?
It's Viking. - Ah!
Norse language, maybe. - Norse.
It's basically a kind of mixture of chess and Othello.
The board is one of those...
A tablecloth, a towel.
We love playing this. - You love it?
We love the game, but when we have guests, we hide it.
That embarrassing? I didn't know that. Okay. Task accomplished.
Anne Marit. What did you bring that you're ashamed of?
It could be a lot of things.
Oh! - I'm anxious.
It's so fucking beautiful. It's...
So now you love it, after opening the lid?
Christmas tree decorations? - What's that?
Pendulum. - Butt plug.
It gives you the answer to...
But what is it?
When I was pregnant, I asked, "If it is a boy, it will cross like this."
"If it's a girl, it's a circle."
It's a pendulum? - Yes. Can't you tell? Damn nice.
I was lying like this.
I never got to know...
Can it make every difficult choice in life for you?
Let's see.
Here we go.
Don't ask anything dangerous. - No.
The question is a secret. - I'm almost hypnotised.
That's what I knew. - Exactly!
And I'll never know what it was.
Lovely. Abu.
It's a onesie.
No! - One of those...
You look kind of cool in it. That's the worst part.
I'm not very proud to own this, but it's bloody comfortable.
You wear it? - Yes. I like to be naked underneath.
So I get body heat from myself.
It works a lot better than blankets or socks. This works for me.
So you save on electricity. - I don't take photos like this often.
Just for this occasion.
Well... - Can we remove that picture now?
You're completely naked under there?
Aren't you very scared when you're gonna zip up the first few centimetres?
No.
Amalie.
Yes.
See what it says? - KrFU [Kristelig Folkepartis Ungdom].
Wow. - Whoa!
The Young Christian Democrats party. [centre-right; perceived as old-fashioned and boring]
I'll explain why I'm wearing this sweater.
A few years ago, I was on a satire show called 'Laughable Politics',
where each comedian was supposed to represent a party.
That's when I got KrFU.
It was just handed out? - Exactly.
I had a lot of merch. I had a hat with a big logo and a tote bag.
This was a shoot that went over... A cross on my back.
The shoot went over many days. I walked around like a KrFU mascot.
You look like a holy roller, so I get it.
I choose to ignore that, but okay.
I feel embarrassed wearing it now, so I'm gonna take it off. But...
["Vote for FRP!"; The Progress Party; controversial right-wing populist political party]
What are you wearing?
[the joke is that she went from a boring, unpopular party to the most controversial right-wing party in mainstream politics]
Lovely to get it off. - Nice.
Fucking hell.
Then we know where you stand. Alex.
I have brought something that I'm very ashamed to own.
Because you...
Are you able to feel ashamed? - I'm not really ashamed, but...
Jarle Andhøy from Berserk called me and said, "This is not gonna happen." [Norwegian adventurer; TV series]
It was Go-Go Gorilla having a reunion at Tons of Rock. [Alex Rosén's band in the early '90s; music festival]
When we got to the song 'The Boner', [actual song title]
I was gonna have two inflatable penises
that would get ginormous out among the audience and just vibrate.
Here's the model of it, with my head
as the penis head.
You're kidding! - No.
It was supposed to be two massive dicks that pulled themselves up.
And this is a model of that penis.
As I say, it's not that long, but it's thin.
With your head up front there. - Yeah.
Points? - Not that easy. What can I say?
I'm gonna have to disappoint you, Snorre.
I don't know if the game is something to be ashamed of, so 1 point.
Tough competition. - I thought I got that.
No, you get 2. You're close to Snorre. You should be happy.
You get 3 on the onesie. - I'm happy.
Amalie, you get 4. And you get 5, Alex.
Then you won't have to be ashamed of it anymore.
I want to try something new. Something completely new.
I want to see something that isn't a task,
but is a task, in a way.
Kind of a task? Couldn't be clearer. Let's have a look at it.
Flamingo.
Probably put on the flamingo suit.
That's a...
Well, it's a parrot, or flamingo!
Flamingo! A flamingo? It's also a dance.
Okay. "This costume can be worn for one task of your choice."
"If you wear this costume, the points will be doubled."
"Once the costume is on, it can't come off until the task is solved."
Awesome. I can wear this costume in some task and double the score?
Brilliant. I love a double, don't I?
"In one task of your choice." So not now, but at a later time.
Before you know what the task is. - Before I know what it is?
Yeah, great!
Right? That's something new, which is a task in a way.
Yes. Wear the costume, and your score will be doubled
in that task. It can be worn at any time,
but only once during the season.
Good! Now that's straight, we can seamlessly move on to a task
that involves jugs and going to the bathroom.
You might think I'm just joking, Olli.
I'm not. - What's on your mind?
Bowel movements or... - Some may think dirty about it.
It's not about that? - No.
We just have tasks about jugs and going to the bathroom.
Let's look at it then. - Let's look at it.
Isn't Olli supposed to be here now?
Here you go.
What were you doing in there? No, that's the toilet. Sorry.
I'm not asking anyone what they're doing in the toilet. Let's see.
"Fill this jug with toilet water."
No, seriously? No, yuck.
"The jug must be filled up to or above the marked line."
"You cannot cross the door frame of the toilet."
"The jug goes back on the silver platter once you've filled it."
"Quickest filled jug of water and placed on the silver platter wins."
"Your time starts now."
You went to the toilet, Olli? - Well, maybe, maybe not.
Our contestants won't know. They have to stay outside the toilet.
If they cross the door frame
or move within the door frame of the toilet, it's a disqualification.
Let there be no doubt about it!
You don't have to be so angry. - No.
I'm not angry. I'm clear. Very clear.
I'm not angry. I'm clear. - I feel you are angry!
At least you're on your toes. - Okay.
Shall we move on? - Let's.
Why don't we start with Anne Marit? - We could. But wait a minute.
Wait a minute. Take a slow step back.
Yeah. - Why don't we start with...
Snorre, Amalie, Alex and Abu? - Okay.
Okay.
You could do a "piphon". Isn't that a thing?
I'm "piphoning".
I wish I had an Indian guy playing a flute right now.
Oh...
Now it's...
Alright.
Wow!
Okay.
Oh, holy shit! That's...
Whoa! That's the most disgusting thing I've ever had in my mouth.
What an aroma!
Do you know what kind of aroma that is?
What is it? - It's woodstain.
It's taking a bit of time.
There!
Oh... No, no, no.
Oh, pretty clever.
There!
I'd probably disinfect it and boil it before serving it.
I can't cross, but my hand can cross like this.
I'm still here, but my upper body is over.
I think so.
There's the mark.
I think this is right.
I don't know if I did it. I was over.
Yeah, there's a bit to comb through.
There's a lot to talk about. Let's start with you, Abu.
Do you identify as your feet?
Anything above your feet is a fixture
for the feet, the ego itself down there?
Yeah.
Right?
We have more to talk about. A "piphon". What is...
That's the new word of the day.
I like to see a guy who thinks a siphon is a "piphon". But...
I'm sure what you did was a "piphon". It certainly wasn't a siphon.
I haven't seen bellows at work when a siphon is about to work.
I love that you know the concept, but you don't know how to use it.
How do I know the concept? - You've seen the show before.
Ylvis? - Yes.
But I'd forgotten that someone had used the pipe to transport woodstain.
So sucking in air in there was a downright health hazard.
I loved your reaction.
You were very surprised at what came out of there.
At least it was brown water. - Beautifully executed,
on a very low level.
Alex, you were concentrating. A real handyman.
This was fast. Is this the sharpest
you've ever been? - Yeah.
It is.
Amalie, you refer to yourself as being quite clever here.
Although you've got the same solution as a couple of others here.
Did you think someone else could be as clever?
Yeah, but not Alex. - No.
Should we summarise? - Let's summarise.
Snorre, you made a "piphon", used bellows, almost threw up,
spilt a lot of water, joked about the hose looking like a snake... Fun.
But it takes time. It took a whopping 8 minutes.
Rome wasn't built in a day. - That's true.
Amalie, pretty quick. 3 minutes 42 seconds.
Alex, 2 minutes 11 seconds.
Yes! - You're in the lead, but Abu...
We shouldn't forget Abu.
I choose, unlike you, to define your head and upper body
as part of you.
So that's... - disqualification.
First disqualification of the year, guys! Yes. - Right.
Shall we have a look at Anne Marit? - Let's have a look at Anne Marit!
I can't cross it.
Now I'm... If I'm here now...
I'm not crossing.
Oh, right. See, now there's so much.
Who pooped here last? I wonder. It was you, Olli.
It's gone now.
Here. - There.
Oh, god! - Then I'll stop the time.
Damn it! I could've gotten it from the sink.
Would've been a lot faster. It's too late to regret now, right?
Bye! - Bye!
Just when you think a clearer disqualification than Abu's doesn't exist...
This was an even clearer disqualification.
And this disqualification started early.
Too bad the world isn't set up so you can just put a rug over the boundaries.
That solves problems. - That's the way it should be.
It doesn't feel good.
We have one of the greatest acting legends in Norway.
And we force you to go get water from the crapper.
It hurts a little.
Abu, if you have any doubts, you're still disqualificationed.
Then there are two disqualifications. Anne Marit and Abu.
3 points to Snorre, 4 to Amalie, and 5 to Alex.
Okay, these are the scores.
In total today, these are the scores.
Alex is at the top. Things are changing fast. Amalie in second.
You're in a pretty decent lead, Alex. Started off really well.
We'll take a little commercial break, and we'll be right back.
Yes! Atle. Atle.
You're not answering "Yes". Atle. Yes. Okay, fine!
Do you know a lot of words ending with 'k'?
I'm sure I know quite a few words ending with 'k'.
Are you curious about how many words they know?
Yes, I am. It would be really nice to get that sorted.
I don't have a statistic on it.
Not yet, but soon you will.
Okay? - Do you speak flamingo?
Go ahead!
"Say the most different words ending with the letter 'k'."
"The task ends if you say a word not ending with 'k' or repeat a word."
"You have five minutes. Your time starts now."
"And your time starts..."
First, we need to address your attire, Anne Marit.
Was it a good idea for this task?
Well, you never know. You never know what kind of task you're getting.
Pure gambling.
If you can get the most words ending with 'k',
and get 5 points, your costume will multiply it by two.
Should we just take a look at all of them?
Why not? Let's see all of them.
"Your time starts now." Dick.
Book.
Thick.
Dick.
Cock.
Click. Slick.
Stick.
No! Fuck, no. Have I said...
That was fucking bad. I said "dick, thick, stick".
That's what people say to me after I've been to their place.
Suck, muck, ark...
Brisk.
Luck.
Tack. Back.
Flack.
Ro... Ka... Rokak.
I stopped your time there. "Rokak"?
"Rokak." Don't you know what it is? It's a cake you have when you row.
Yeah. Bye. - Bye.
Whack.
Fuck.
Dick. Sick.
Lick.
Lock.
Tock.
Back. Two different words.
"Back" in the back and... No? To bake.
That's it. That was stupid.
Cock.
Shock. Yes! - Done.
Do you know what I'm imagining? That on the show now,
you've been watching a montage where I'm like...
Whereas the others... I'm at the end or something.
Who's your biggest competition here? - Probably Amalie.
Yes. - Thank you!
Alright? - Yeah.
Okay. - Bye.
Yes. This one goes to the youth.
Amalie, Snorre. Impressive, both of you! Very many words.
Always dirty talk when you're trying to think of anything.
Yeah. - And when you're out of words,
you say the same thing in English.
Right, Snorre? - Yes. Is that same?
No, it's not the same word, you know.
Not at all. Absolutely. - You don't need us.
You've followed the rules.
Abu! "Thick dick stick", you always hear that?
A few too many times. - Shall we move on?
Olli, a recap. - You got it. On the...
I'm curious to see who wins. - Last place is Anne Marit's.
It's multiplied by two, so you get 2 points.
And then, let's see...
After that, it was Abu. You had seven words.
You get 2 points. Alex, 10 words. You get 3 points.
And then it's these two. One of you got 40 words.
And the other one got 40 words too! 5 points!
Yes! Impressive, and rare.
Yes! Good job.
The youth can celebrate. Olli.
Can we go to another task from the house?
Sure. In many ways, that's why we're here.
Are you being obstinate?
No... Yeah, okay. - Obstinate?
No! - Trying to be acidic?
A little bit, maybe. - No. I don't think so.
Okay. How about a task where the contestants need to be observant?
Now? - Yes, please.
Alright.
Hello.
Hi, Olli. - Hi!
What do you want me to do now? - I'll let you have a seat.
Thank you.
I see a notepad and...
Crayons.
Excuse me, I'm just going to get those lunch boxes upstairs.
I can wait. - No, just run upstairs.
Sorry. - No, it's okay.
What's he doing? - Lunch.
Yeah, you...
Hello. I'm gonna go get those lunch boxes upstairs.
Go get them. I don't care. - Yes. Sorry.
And a pencil... - Whoa!
I'm gonna go get the lunch boxes upstairs.
Go ahead.
Sorry. - No, that's okay.
I'm sorry. - That's okay.
Sorry. - That's okay.
Can you close the door?
I'll do that. - Great.
I hope you got everything on camera. That's funny.
Yes. - What just happened?
Okay. That was fucking weird.
Open the letter.
Of course.
"Draw a composite sketch of the man who just came by."
"Most correct details in five minutes wins."
"Your time starts now." - Why didn't I look at him more?
Yes. Abu, what kind of people are you hanging out with?
You didn't react to the fact that this was special attire at all?
I thought this is how Norwegians dress.
Right? - It's my fault?
I can't say anything. Maybe he's from the Hood or something.
The task was to draw the man without them knowing it beforehand.
It'll be interesting to see what details you picked up.
Can you sum up important details? - We can get Kristian's picture here.
As you can see, it's a colourful propeller cap,
yellow sunglasses, moustache, a t-shirt looking like a torso,
green velour pants, a boot, and a shoe.
Shall we see how it went? - Yeah.
Okay.
Here we go.
He was wearing a t-shirt with a male torso on it.
At least he had a moustache. He was wearing a cap.
It was like the Brumund Dal hat. [name of character in the TV show 'Brødrene Dal' who wore a propellor hat like that]
And then he had a propeller on his hat.
He wore green pants.
Those were green pants.
Purple pants.
They were velour.
Very tight-fitting. He was slim and good looking.
He wore white shoes. He wore white sneakers.
He had wellies, I think.
One boot...
One boot and one shoe. Then he wore glasses.
He was in a hurry, and he was going to get a box.
A clipboard.
You see, I'm here to win, Olli.
So when he came in with that costume...
You don't bullshit a bullshitter.
Don't you think I've messed with people?
That's your time. You can show that to...
And that's the man who picked up the food stuff.
I remember someone like that, I think.
Yeah, that's a nice one.
That's your time.
Do you think you'll win this one? - I win every time.
If I don't, I still do. I have it inside me.
Victory? - Yes. I also win when I lose.
I can't be bothered to lose. When I lose, I think,
"The others were so good that I've won after all."
Bye! - Bye!
I need a break from my voice. Relax! There's more after the commercial.
Well. Snorre, you were good.
Yeah, but I do notice one red flag. I'm getting very high and mighty.
Getting very... - But as long as you see it...
I dread the day when pride makes me fall.
You can make adjustments in the studio, but not what's recorded.
It could be 10 shows of crisis.
You may not not look that good after the show.
Maybe not. - Might be the last show you're on.
We took him down.
You're our Gaute Grøtta Grav. [reality show contestant]
Yes!
"Resting heart rate." [Gaute Grøtta Grav quote] Let's see.
You had a lot of good details. Why don't we start with...
Start with Amalie, maybe.
That's an awful lot of boot. - Yeah...
Whatever you've noticed, at least you've drawn it big.
For someone as fond of words as I turned out to be
in the previous task...
You're referring to a task where you did well.
I thought it was a caricature drawing.
We don't emphasise the drawing. The details are what's important.
There's a boot and shoes and stuff. Let's look at the next one.
That's Alex.
Quite a big mess. But the boot and shoe are in,
the lunch box...
Hat, propeller, and sunglasses.
And moustache! - Yeah, there's a moustache.
Freckles, maybe. - Freckles. Let's see the next one.
Abu! Right colour trousers. What does it say on the bottom right?
I don't know. - White sneakers.
You didn't notice it was a boot. But the hat's nice.
Sunglasses aren't bad. The moustache is in. Okay, next.
Anne Marit? Yeah. Same level, maybe. The lunch box is in.
Is there a boot there? Doesn't look like it.
Okay, shall we do the next one? - Yes.
There's a lot in place here.
I don't think they're black pants, but there's a boot.
Confused the colour on the boot and the trousers.
Then we have sunglasses, moustache, and cap.
Here's everybody. Atle.
Yes. I think we'll score them roughly like we've served them up.
Unfortunately, only 1 point to you, Amalie.
You agree as well? - Yeah, 1 point is generous.
I like the fact that you want to exert yourself.
Abu, Anne Marit. A little more detail, Anne Marit.
I don't think so. - You don't?
Then I'll give you the same. 3 points each. We're in agreement.
Alex, surprisingly high score. Almost unfair, isn't it?
I've got shoes and boots. - Mine wasn't bad. What the fuck?
I'll give you 4 points. 5 to Snorre.
5 points to Snorre!
Let's have a look at the scores. Overall today, these are the scores.
You're in the lead, Alex. And it's Snorre and...
This is the penultimate task. Really exciting before the last one.
The studio task is coming up. Rise and shine! Up on stage.
We've converted the stage to an arena and we'll begin the final task.
We're going to have a race. We're going to have a nose race.
It's timed. You're going to come up one-by-one to the mark,
blindfolded so you can't see.
You're going to find Atle's nose. It makes this sound...
And it's timed. Fastest wins. We'll start with you, Alex.
Can you come with me? Stop there.
Where are you, Abu? - Here.
I'll do a bit of this. Like this.
Then I'll stop you like this. Then I'll go, "Ready, steady, go!"
I'll be the health and safety officer. There you go. Good one!
There he goes again.
I'll follow him. There you are.
That's a camera. There's one of those.
There you go. I'm the only one who contributes.
This could take half an hour. - It could take time.
Yes.
Let's move on.
You were so ready, Anne Marit, I'll let you come. Come this way.
Yes, I...
Yes. I'll let you go a little slower.
Okay. - You still have to stand...
That...
There you go. - Oh, how lovely!
Yeah.
That's a little bit nicer for all of us. Here we go.
Then... - You...
If it was the opposite sex, it would be an issue.
Here we go. Ready, set, go!
Yes. - Now I'm gonna find...
The nose of Atle Antonsen? - Yes.
I'm asking you, audience, is this the right way?
Yes!
Yes. - Straight ahead!
Straight ahead, straight ahead! Yes!
Yes.
You can sit next to Alex.
Then we'll move on to the next one. - Awesome.
You did so well. - Abu, you look ready.
Okay.
Ready, set, go!
Left!
Not you? - No.
Left!
Left, left!
No! - No!
Left! Woah!
Moving on. Amalie.
No, not just yet.
There! - Okay.
Ready, set, go!
That's me. - Sorry!
That's okay.
Left! - Left?
Woah!
Good job!
That leaves one more person.
Great! Then I'll go... Ready, set, go!
Yes, okay.
Atle?
No!
Okay, let's have it! - Left!
Right! - Straight ahead!
Right, right! - One!
Him... One! - Right!
Yes! - There are too many now!
Not all at once! Only one!
Is that Atle?
Left!
Behind you! - I'm... Oh, my...
Right!
Yes!
A little farther! - Atle!
Left! - Right!
Straight ahead! - Yes!
Good job! Now, we've see everybody.
I'll add up the times and we'll find the scores in our places.
We'll just go straight to the summary, right, Olli?
We can do that. I've written it down. Snorre.
You took the longest. The audience totally fooled you.
You took 1 minute 13 seconds. 1 point.
Amalie, 42 seconds.
I crawled around for 42 seconds? - Yes.
You went straight down on all fours and straight out to the right. Fun.
Not fast. Anne Marit, 36 seconds. - Right.
Oh, boy. - And then there's
2 seconds separating the two of you. One has 26, the other has 24.
The one that had 26 was...
Alex. So Abu, you scored 5 points.
Very good. - That's good! Comes in handy.
It's time to take a look at the total for the show.
Who will be the winner? It's...
It's Alex Rosén taking the victory!
Fantastic. Congratulations!
You're lucky to be going home with so many beautiful...
It's too soon, it's too soon. Yeah, lovely, isn't it?
We've seen that the young ones are good with words ending with a 'k'.
And that you should be aware of the people around you at all times.
We'll be back next week. See you then. Thank you for now!
Original English subtitles: Tommy Lund (LinQ Media Group)
Adjustments by: u/taskmastermaster