Oh, yeah!
Come on!
"Lots and lots of blood"
Hello, at home. Welcome to Kongen Befaler,
the show that has taken five people's clumsy and ingenious solutions
to carefully formulated tasks to become top-notch entertainment.
And top-notch entertainment doesn't come without meticulous effort
from my noble entertainment doula, Olli Wermskog.
Thank you. I wouldn't want to live my life any other way, plain and simple.
One small question, Olli. Would you like to introduce the next thing?
Okay. Yeah.
The winner of this season's Kongen Befaler gets the only...
maybe the only golden bust in the world that's as big physically
as it is symbolically.
A bust of that huge head of yours.
Right. I guess I should say thank you.
I liked that. - That was the last time.
It's time to meet our contestants, who have chosen to spend their lives
fighting with their blood, sweat, and tears to win this prize.
It's Henrik Fladseth.
Ina Svenningdal!
Ole Henry Snildalsli!
Pernille Sørensen!
And Thomas Numme! Yes.
According to my schedule, it's time to crack on with today's prize task.
What have you asked them to bring today?
I've gone for something quite simple: bring something that's not dinner.
Wide open task.
Who would you like to start with? - I'd like to start with Ina.
Not very convincing, but okay. - Okay.
If anyone thinks this is dinner,
they're sick, sick people.
Because it's probably one of the most disgusting things I know.
I'm going to pick this up real quick.
I've brought the snot of the sea.
Oysters. - Oysters.
And that's...
That's... I don't understand who can go into a restaurant
and pay enormous amounts...
Very expensive. - ...for snot.
It's the snot of the sea, after all. - Cold, cold shells.
No. - This isn't dinner.
What about the texture? Is that what you love the most?
A suggestion for you: she gets 5 points if she eats one.
Five is a lot, but I'll give you 2 extra points if you eat one.
Wow. - But two more than what?
Than what you get. - Which isn't that fucking much.
I'd like to thank you for the suggestion.
You just need to hold your nose.
Don't think. - Close your eyes.
That's it.
How did you do that?
It's willpower. - Yes, it is.
2 points, then.
I can't get a zero, can I? - No.
Okay... Nice start. Thomas.
What I've brought along that's not dinner is this.
Still exciting.
You're unveiling something that's about to be unveiled.
I'm gonna need a little help. I'm going to have a solemn unveiling.
Hold it very gently. - Okay. Now I'm really nervous.
Because what I bring is not dinner.
But it has been dinner.
No!
Now I'm so...
It smells awful. - Damn it, man.
It looks like... - Get him out, then.
It looks like dinner, it's been dinner,
but it's not dinner.
No, it's not.
It's the first time anyone's brought a bowl of vomit, anyway.
Fucking impressive. - You're welcome.
Scrambled eggs? - Holy shit.
You'll be happy to know it's your turn, Pernille.
Something else to focus on. - Do you want me to hold something?
I've done it a little differently. I need to explain a little bit.
When I did media studies and photography and stuff...
It's a little nerdy, but image interpretation.
It was about, is photography true or not?
Is it a picture of reality?
We were showed a painting of a pipe painted by someone called Magritte.
Quite lifelike. It says underneath, in French, "This isn't a pipe."
It looks like a pipe, but it's a painting, so it's not a pipe.
I've seen it.
A bit of a long intro. - It's a nice one.
Maybe not, because we don't know what it's an intro for.
I've brought something that's certainly not dinner,
and it's a painting of a hot dog.
This is not dinner.
That's good thinking.
I had to play it safe in case you thought hot dog was dinner.
You can't say it's possible to eat a painting of a hot dog.
You've been thinking smartly. Did you have this made?
I did, yes.
You made it yourself? - I made it.
You did?
It's a painting. - It's painted, yes.
That's impressive. - Good girl.
I just thought,
"If there's one task to commit to, it's the dinner task."
Immediately, I note that Henrik fears the competition here.
Lovely. Good answer, really.
Henrik, we'll take you. - Pernille, I hear you.
And I raise you. - With a hot dog?
What isn't dinner?
I brought a book by Henry Oddlo Erichsen. [writer and self-proclaimed Nazi]
"Being friendly with apparitions."
Task accomplished? - Yes.
That's not dinner.
"Come, hungry, we have a book by Henry Oddlo Erichsen."
Ole Henry, can you top the book? - No.
But we're going on a little trip first.
We're going back to 2012,
when the Earth was supposed to end according to a calendar, right?
At that time, my dad and I were home alone.
He was going to cook dinner. He took leftovers...
Like the last meal before the Earth ended?
Then he combined a lot of good, well-known dishes.
Both Norwegian and foreign. Then it became rice...
Wow!
This is true. Rice pudding and fries.
That's rare. - I'd say this isn't dinner.
But it's lunch. - A good lunch.
I'd eat this a hundred days a week instead of another oyster.
I agree with that. - This is not bad.
Sweet and salty. - It looks delicious.
It's hard to give rice pudding and fries more than 1 point.
That's dinner.
That's lunch. - A lot of dinner.
You could eat that for dinner.
Don't celebrate too hard, Fladseth.
It'll be two. - Then you're clueless.
It was simple but good. - Then you're clueless.
Vomit gets 3 points.
Well paid. I'm happy with that.
If you show up with your own painting, it's 5 points.
But it'll be four for Ina too. - Six?
That's right. Nice.
Right.
With the extra 2 points, it's six, so you're in the lead.
It was worth the hassle.
But we're moving on. Olli, do you know what I love?
I love to laugh. Laughing at humour! Like that.
Then you might want to laugh now. - That's right. I want jokes.
Jokes from jokemakers. The greatest communicators of all time.
Professionals, so it's extra-high level.
At least you'll get some jokes. - Oh, no.
Hello? - Hello there.
Having a little coffee?
Okay, then. I'll be your entertainment.
I see a little... Now I see you.
Like this? - Hey there.
There you are.
I thought I heard you.
Can't be more of a clown than this. You want to be entertained?
"Tell the best joke. The camera's rolling for 15 minutes from now."
"The camera's rolling for 15 minutes from now. Best joke wins."
Go right ahead.
It's the worst task possible.
Jokes and me? No. Oh, my god.
People say, "Are you a comedian?" "Yes."
"Tell me a joke, then." I don't know one joke.
I've got a proper fun one in my head, but I won't say that one on TV, Olli.
No. Is it coarse? - It's a bit rude to a weak group.
Maybe those born slightly shorter than others.
Come on, guys! Don't sit around making faces.
Obviously, it's home ground, it's the best task you can have.
You're jokemakers, aren't you?
You're really good at this. This is going to be great.
At least, we're going to get through five jokes.
Where do you want to start? It could be great.
We'll start in Trøndelag. We'll start with Ole Henry.
You've got it.
Then I'll go with a classic.
Why do you want hydrocortisone when you have a Shell card in Selbu?
Peasant comedy with shifty eyes?
I don't need any more.
That's nice. - It was very short.
Can you say it one more time? I couldn't hear.
Should I stand? - Please do.
Please welcome Ole Henry Snildalsli! - Thank you very much.
This is from Selbu, I think. The joke.
Why do you want hydrocortisone when you've got a Shell card in Selbu?
Yeah. It's like...
A Hydro-card-in-Son. [Hydro was a chain of petrol stations; Son is a town in Norway]
A tip: you should keep saying it just as quickly and slurred.
It doesn't get any better when it's clear.
Very edgy choice. Yeah, we get it.
You're talking about a petrol station chain that hasn't existed in over 20 years.
It's not a hot topic. - It's quite narrow.
Pernille, I'm curious to see what you've put together.
Make yourself comfortable, because now comes Pernille's joke.
It's a three-part joke with three jokes in it.
It was my mother's favourite joke when I was growing up.
So if Atle doesn't think it's that funny, I blame my mum.
Right.
There were three men that were on a glacier climb in the Alps.
They're nearly at the top and they're about to go over a crevasse.
Then two of them fall into the crevasse.
The guy at the top shouts to them, "I'm running for help!"
Then they shout from below, "We'll stay here!"
That's the first point. - Yes.
For them to have something to do down there...
He's got a bottle of whisky in his backpack.
And he shouts down, "I'll send down some whisky!"
Then they shout up from below, "We've got ice!"
Second joke.
Then he runs down from this glacier.
Comes down to the Red Cross... The Alpine Red Cross.
It's probably in Norway. It's not the Alps, it's a glacier in Norway.
Not in Switzerland? - No.
Because it's the Red Cross...
I can't bear to turn it into something else.
Then they stand on the edge of the crevasse and look down at them.
Then they shout, "We're from the Red Cross!"
Then they shout from below,
"We've bought lottery tickets!" [The Recycling Lottery benefits the Norwegian Red Cross]
That's the punchline.
So that was it, really.
The unused time that Ole Henry left, you grabbed for yourself.
But it was a good response. - Yes, it was.
A lot of good stuff.
We've got several people in line to tell their joke.
We could do... Henrik.
Henrik would do.
There were two New Jersey hunters out in the woods
when one suddenly keels over.
He doesn't seem to be breathing.
The one hunter fishes out his mobile phone.
Calls Emergency Services, shouts, "Help! Oh, my god, my friend is dead!"
"What can I do? What can I do?"
The operator answers,
"Don't worry, I'm here to help."
"First, we just need to confirm that your friend actually is dead."
It goes a little quiet, then you hear a gunshot
before the hunter's voice reappears.
"Okay, now what?"
"The funniest joke in the world", it said online.
This is classified as the best joke in the world, online.
You wanted the best joke, so I found and rehearsed
what's called the best joke in the world.
Impressive. Do you think it's the best joke in the world?
I'm just asking. - Absolutely not.
We won't stop at this. - Here comes Ina in passing.
Hello. Welcome to "Passing jokes with Ina".
Hello. Do you have any cordial?
No? Then stop mixing in.
I'm never really sure about the line between funny and corny.
This one's got a bit of both, doesn't it? Quite corny.
Are you entertained? - I'm entertained.
We've got another one. Let's have a look at Thomas.
Do you remember, Thomas? - Yes, I remember.
Exactly.
A joke? Damn it!
Can I call a friend? - Yes.
Ingar Helge Gimle, I can call him. [season 9 contestant]
There was a service at Fagerli Church.
Many people were there, children and adults.
Then there was a little boy who felt a strong urge to pee,
so he got up and went to the loo.
That's when the priest came up to him and asked,
"Where are you going then, my boy?"
And that's when the boy said... - I'm just going to the loo.
"God be with you, son", said the priest.
No, thank you. I prefer to go alone.
Okay.
That's a cute joke, Ingar. Thanks for your help.
Bye, Ingar. - Take care.
My, oh my. That's strong stuff.
How do you turn this thing off? I don't know how you turn it off.
Pulling out the big guns here.
I had to find a life-saving angel.
You had to do something.
I think the funniest moment was when he couldn't hang up.
I agree with that. - The joke itself faded a bit.
You've heard five jokes, both in passing and all sorts.
What's the verdict?
I think you've been good and brave.
It's a bit hard to define who's the best and who's the worst.
Shall we go straight to... I think it's hard.
Does length matter? - It could be too long, yeah.
Absolutely.
Could be too short as well? - Could be too short.
What about featuring artists? - That's out of the box, definitely.
Whether it's an advantage or not, is hard to say.
I'll give the best joke in the world 1 point, just to be strict.
What? - 1 point for the best joke.
1 point. I'm sorry to say it, but that's how it turned out.
It's never been done before. - I think outside the box.
No-one's ever given it a one. - Well, there it is.
What should we say? You won't get more than 2 for Gimle.
It's amazing that Snildalsli will get 3 points.
I didn't expect that when I showed up here today.
I didn't expect that. - Selbu, did you get that?
For the TV concept, I'll give you 4, Ina.
Then I'll give you 5, Pernille.
I have to thank my mum.
Here are the scores. So far, in total, where are we?
We're at two girls in the lead!
We'll have a little commercial break and we'll be right back.
We often say that the contestants fight with blood, sweat, and tears to win the bust.
It's a tough competition.
But have they ever fought for real with blood, sweat, and tears?
No. Not until now.
Alright. - I've seen this before.
What's that lab thing called?
Germs glass. - Petri dish. Something like that.
"Fill this dish with blood, sweat, or tears."
"Fastest wins."
"If you fill the dish with the same as one or more of the other contestants,"
"the times are combined, and the order is determined"
"by the most liquid in the dish."
"Your time starts now."
Blood, sweat, or tears.
Svenningdal, she's crying her eyes out
with a half-full dish already.
Grandpa's dead, Grandma's dead.
What a lovely, macabre task.
Yes. It may be complicated, but maybe not.
The contestants will decide whether to fill the petri dish
with blood, sweat, or tears as quickly as possible.
If two or more go for the same liquid, their times will be combined
and the amount of liquid will be crucial.
Couldn't be clearer.
Right. Shall we see them all then?
Except Ina. Let's do that.
If I do my artery, will someone take care of me?
It's a badass thing to do.
Let's see... Ouch!
At least I got some. It's not much, but it's blood.
Very few will go for sweat.
Holy crap!
Holy crap, this is getting hot.
I think I can produce as much tears as sweat, so I'll go for that.
If you just wait a little bit. - Holy crap. This is gonna hurt.
It's not painful, it's just unpleasant to...
I can't cut myself.
Come on, sweat!
I can feel it coming out.
It's fluid.
There's a lot in here.
You want to blow on my eyes? Cool. This really works.
I've never asked anybody to do this before.
It's so great that we could share this moment.
I'll be happy when I see that dish full of sweat. I'll feel proud.
I think I've got this one.
It's certainly quantity. But was it the shortest time though?
Here we go.
Anything here? - Yeah.
Yeah, there's a little bit there.
It's kind of ours.
It's our little tear baby.
I need a piss. That won't do? No.
Aren't there a lot of the same ingredients in piss as in tears?
Same ingredients.
Anything you find in tears, you'll find in that. Thank you.
There it was!
I have to ask, do you think that tears and pee are the same thing?
When you pee, is your penis crying?
Everything you find in tears is also found in piss.
I hear you say that. - Not true!
All that mess you have in tears is also in piss.
Everything you find in bread is also found in cake, but it's not the same.
If a tree falls in the woods and no one hears it, did it make a sound?
It's philosophy!
And that's your strongest card.
You got it!
You got it. It's not the same.
If you're on a first date, watching a romantic comedy,
and you're wiping pee with Kleenex...
It's not like there's gonna be another date.
The rest of you went for blood, sweat, and tears.
You guys are in pretty good shape before we watch Ina.
Yes, they are.
Ole Henry... I can give you some numbers.
Ole Henry, you filled it in 45 minutes and 23 seconds.
Yes. That was good. - Pernille, you took 7 minutes.
And 50 seconds for Thomas, who did one drop.
Then it's all down to Ina.
The contestant with the same liquid gets to add the time that Ina spends.
Then it's the amount of liquid that determines who wins.
Correct. Less talk and more Ina.
I hate Olli, I hate Atle.
I hate Thomas, I hate Ole Henry.
Right, that's not gonna work.
We got one now?
Fuck.
There we go!
Oh, my god, I punctured a...
Look at this! Lots and lots of blood.
Right.
Talk about creating suspense. Nice to have a bit of blood as well.
Playing with your blood, that's when it gets pretty nasty.
Now that you've seen the others and yourself, are you happy?
Yes, actually. I mean, I got quite a few drops.
You got more than Thomas. Why don't we go over the scoreboard?
That's just piss in every way.
It's just piss, yeah. No doubt about it.
Is it going to be a disqualification? - It is a disqualification.
No points. - You could have had one. Zero.
Ole Henry, it'll be penultimate for you.
Then we combine the times of Ina and Thomas. You had more blood.
That's second place. First place, Pernille, that's yours.
5 points. Congratulations.
It's been a rough day for the contestants, at least some.
Pretty much everybody. Now, it's time for you to relax
and recuperate a bit. What do you think of then, Olli?
A lot of people think it's relaxing to be with their pets,
play golf... A lot of things. - A lot, and I want to see that.
Both, together. - Oh, right. Here it comes.
Hi. - Hi.
Golf, right? - Golf.
Hole one.
Par two.
Oh, there's a golf course.
There's a hole. That's not a golf ball.
"Hit a meatball into the golf hole from this tee."
"The fewest shots wins."
"Normal golf etiquette applies from now until the end of the task."
"The task begins now."
They're not fond of meatballs at all, I presume.
Them? - Unless they haven't eaten.
I think they like meatballs.
The fewest shots, right.
That was fun.
Aye-aye-aye! Okay, sorry.
Yeah. Okay, yeah.
So I'm just gonna hit some golf here, guys.
Time for a break. Yes, it's got commercials in it.
We'll be right back with more Kongen Befaler.
Some real relaxation and recuperation there.
The best of both worlds.
Hit a meatball or more into the hole using the least number of shots.
If the meatball disappears, they must redo the shot.
The contestants only have the meatballs that are in the bucket.
It's pretty straightforward. Anyone you'd recommend starting with?
I've split them into two groups of the same size egos, overall.
Four in one group and Henrik in the other.
Then we'll start with those four.
Then we'll go like this. Wait.
No!
Hello. No. No!
No, sit. Sit! Here!
I'm a dog whisperer. - Are you?
Wow. - No, hello!
Stay. Sit. Stay. Stay.
Stay. No.
No!
Yes, sit. Sit.
Stay.
Watch. There.
There. Shit.
I'll just hit it. No!
That's one. - That's one.
Stay. No. Stay!
No, no. Stay!
Stay.
There! Up there.
No!
Let's see, then.
That's one. - I'm pretty happy with that.
Look at that.
Okay. Five.
Okay. They're on to something else. Seven...
Hello!
Fuck! No!
You're not getting that, are you?
How many have you got left now? - One ball.
No, bloody hell.
Then it's from here you have to hit. - Stay.
Stay.
Yes! Stay.
That's it. Hello. - No!
No!
No! I said "stay"!
Oh, it's so close!
No...
So close, yet so far away.
Six. That's it. - That wasn't great.
Stay.
No!
Stay.
Stay. Stay.
Yes! Go on!
That was fun. Yes, come!
Come on. You guys did so good!
You guys did great.
Thomas, did it feel good to lower your heart rate with a little golf?
Lovely. I don't think I've ever laughed more.
I bend down, get up, and there come the dogs. I laughed so hard.
They're efficient. - I lost all my competitiveness.
I had so much fun.
What were you doing, Ina? They were not interested at all.
Did you throw a lot out to the side? - It seems like they were very full.
You were after me. - Could be.
If you were last that day, you might be right about that.
That was impressive. - Some dogs may have diarrhoea now.
Ina wasn't bothered by the dogs, but still needed 11 strokes.
Ready for the next group, Group Henrik? Let's look at Henrik.
Oh, right. Exactly, yeah. Okay.
I'll have to tame a dog first then.
Here. Sit.
Sit. Stay.
Stay.
Okay. Where were we?
That's really good. Yeah. - That's one.
There you go. Look at that!
I'm happy. I'll let the dogs out then.
Yes. Good!
Here. Good.
Bye. - Bye.
Right.
It was a little painful to see you lock up the dogs.
Even those pleading eyes weren't enough, with your competitiveness.
The dogs got loads of meatballs afterwards.
Competitively, that was good thinking.
To all of you at home getting on with your angry letters,
I'd appreciate it if you'd send them directly to Henrik and not to me.
Olli, the results. - Thomas, it's a DNF.
"Did not finish". Zero points.
Out of meatballs. - But a good day at work.
Pernille: 16 strokes.
Ina: 11 strokes.
Ole Henry: 10 strokes. - Good.
Even more impressive, three strokes.
And 5 points.
5 points. - Lovely.
Bounced back a bit there. Here are the scores from this round.
Finally 5 points to Henrik. Shall we see where we're at?
I guess... It's hard to say.
Wow! The girls are at the top. It's close at the top: 17-17.
It's going to be exciting before the very last task.
The studio task. Get up!
Yes. We're going to play balloon roulette.
There are four balloons. There are five of you.
When I press "start", the machine will release the balloons.
They'll whizz around, and you need to get a balloon.
If you don't have a balloon, you lose and can go sit on the bench.
Then we'll reload the machine,
and it's another round with one less balloon and one less contestant.
You have questions, Pernille.
Are you sure it's a machine?
Yes. Are you ready?
Yes! - Great.
I'll release the balloons when I press in three, two, one...
No!
I thought I had that one. - I slipped on the carpet.
Pernille, did you lose? - Yes.
Go and have a seat, and we'll reload the machine.
I'll just get the balloons up. Let's see. I need to press the...
How does that machine work? Where did you get it?
I made it myself. Do you have any more questions about the machine?
Let's see here... That's how the machine works.
Then I'll just do this. There's the machine.
Let's take that down.
Then I'll load the machine with three balloons.
There's three balloons coming up.
One balloon, two balloon, three balloon.
And here we go.
Get in here!
Thomas, why don't you go sit down? The rest of you, line up.
I picked the wrong balloon.
The machine is reloaded.
This time, both balloons up at the same time. There.
There you go.
We'll start...
Woah.
Are you okay? - Yes.
Did Ina get it? - Ole Henry.
The machine's loaded. It's the finale machine.
There it comes up...
It's not just the final machine, it's the final round.
It'll be interesting to see where it goes. Here we go...
No! No!
We have a winner.
Let's do the recap down in our seats.
Look at that.
Yes.
First of all, thank you for your effort. That was full-on.
That was intense. - The scores come here.
Pernille: 1 point. Thomas: 2.
Ole Henry: 3. Ina: 4.
Henrik: 5 points.
The scores are up on the board. Who will win today's show?
It's a bit uncertain.
The winner is...
Ina!
Ina wins today's show. Awesome. Many congratulations!
Lucky you, bringing home a bunch of things that aren't dinner.
That was great.
Today, we've finally concluded that tears and urine aren't the same,
so don't urinate over spilled milk. We'll be back next time.
If you enjoyed this show, you're going to love the next one.
See you. - Bye.
Original English subtitles: Tommy Lund (LinQ Media Group)
Proofreading and adjustments: u/taskmastermaster
One more, one more, one more!