No!
A very strange pirate.
- Are you okay, Poul? - You're fired!
- Remember to follow your dreams. - Hey, 3C.
Stop!
What have I done?
Good evening. Welcome to Stormester.
An adventure where it pays to be a simpleton.
I'm the 52-year-old princess with greying temples.
But who will get their happily ever after?
One of these five suitors will. Could it be Ane Høgsberg?
David Minerba?
Lars Hjortshøj?
Or Mette Søndergaard?
Perhaps Mikkel Klint Thorius?
And by my side, my ever diligent assistant, Mark le Fêvre.
I'm a dedicated employer -
- so I just want to check in for the weekly mouse chat.
- Anything new? - You're thinking about...?
Yeah, it's a bit silly. We're filming in the Glass Hall in Tivoli -
- where 'Dyrene i Hakkebakkeskoven' is also playing. ['The Animals of Hakkebakkeskov', a children's show based on a story by Norwegian author Thorbjørn Egner]
A costumier accidentally switched our wardrobes around.
But as she also says:
"People won't notice."
- Who's brought a prize? - Ane Høgsberg has.
You bet I have, Mark. I've brought a prize.
- It's Mette Søndergaard's tooth. - No!
Okay...!
A tooth I was so damn lucky to win in the last show.
But which has given me nightmares, and which I really want to get rid of.
Did you take it home?
I put it under my pillow.
I got a threatening letter from the tooth fairy. So I have to get rid of it again.
- Have you had it in your mouth? - That didn't help either.
Ane has created a win-win situation.
Either she wins and gets to take the tooth home, or she gets rid of it.
The first task, where do we start?
We're starting with a myth from the deep Middle Ages. An epic tale -
- that most of us know because of a beautiful Disney cartoon.
What's up?
- What's up? - Hi.
What do you have for me now?
- I can see what it is. - A big rock from Bornholm.
It's 'The Sword in the Stone'. One of my favourite Disney movies.
Oh, how exciting. Now I'll take it off.
- "Pull the sword from the stone." - Easy.
- "You must not force the sword up..." - "...or destroy the stone."
"The winner is the one who pulls the sword first."
- "Your time starts now." - Can I try?
- To see if you're the chosen one? - Yeah. I wasn't.
Everything in me says: smash the stone. And I'm not allowed to.
And everything collapses now that I'm not allowed to smash the stone.
It's quite a mythical test. Or is it a riddle?
Because how do you get the sword out of the stone, Mark?
The original myth says -
- that King Arthur pulled the sword out because he was the rightful king.
There's another version where he gets the sword from a woman.
So it's a bit up to interpretation. So we're looking for a password.
I'll start with you, Ane, since it's one of your favourite Disney movies.
How exciting! I'm pumped. It's well made.
May I look around your house? There's an iron. And a toothbrush.
- Is that your trash? - Not mine.
- There are some animals. - A lot of birds.
There are some letters, Mark.
I love riddles. It could say reol [shelf].
Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark.
There are many birds, Mark.
A rabbit lives here. There's nothing.
There's something up there. On the owl.
Oh, Mark.
We're going through the whole range of emotions. Always.
"Get the owl..."
"Get the owl up there FF." ["Få uglen der op FF" - sounds like "Fuhlendorff"]
Mark, that doesn't make any sense.
F, U, D, O, F, F.
Where's a fucking marker?
It's an empty bottle.
There's something with the letters. But 'Fudoff' isn't really...
Oh. Fu...
For... Fu... Mark, stop.
In here, in your house, there's a...
"First one-man show was exceptional." It has something to do with Fuhlendorff, right? [Titles of Christian's one-man shows]
- What? - Christian Fuhlendorff.
A magic word can't be Christian Fuhlendorff.
If Christian Fuhlendorff is the magic word -
- then it doesn't make any sense.
Christian Fuhlendorff.
That's a bad magic word.
Ane, while you're watching yourself, do you feel like yelling at Ane Høgsberg?
Yeah, I'm having a 'Who Wants to Be a Millionaire' moment.
Can't you see it, you big idiot? You're saying 'Fuhlendorff' 685,000 times.
Why can't 'Christian Fuhlendorff' be the magic word?
- Because I think... - There's nothing magical about him.
Rune Klan would have been magical, but Christian Fuhlendorff is boring. [comedian/magician]
I mean... he won the first season of Stormester.
Then he returned in 'Winner of Winners' and won again.
So we went with Christian Fuhlendorff, and you figured it out.
But how long did it take? We actually need to talk about that.
You spend a total of 19 minutes.
That's...
That's a long time.
Who are we watching now?
If we're staying in the world of fairy tales, we're going with some tortoise and hare.
- Am I the hare? - What do you think?
Neither. I'm more of a lion, maybe.
You can't sit there with that mask and decide what animal I am.
The mouse has spoken, and you're not a lion.
A basket with... It's not food, it's garbage.
And a village with some rather special inhabitants.
- Birds? - Yes.
"This is not wine. This is an anagram."
"Hils chef tonfri fundra."
"Otherwise, the answer is 'Cathlin sniffer forhud'." ["Cathlin sniffs foreskin"]
A German dictionary.
Did you dog-ear this?
- Are you good at anagrams? - No, I hate them.
Dorf. D, O, R, F.
It means a village or a town in the country. Dorf.
"My first one-man show. An evening for specially selected guests."
"My first one-man show was exceptional." Jeez, how boring.
What are you looking at, Lars?
It's more like it's looking at me.
I'm not afraid of that one.
"Get the owl up there."
"My first one-man show. To make a long story short..." [More of Christian's one-man show titles]
"FF. Dorf."
"No matter what others think, it will go down in history twice." [More of Christian's one-man show titles]
Fugl [bird]. Fuhlendorff.
Christian Fuhlendorff!
Yes!
Fuhlendorff.
Damn right.
Fuhlendorff.
Classic hare and tortoise. Two different roads to the finish line.
Was there no help to be had from the bottle?
No, that would take too long. Away with it. Move on.
I actually think anagrams are a good bit of 'klinisk kittelhumor' [clinical lab coat humour].
What?
Mikkel Klint Thorius. Klinisk kittelhumor.
- What the hell is he saying? - It's an anagram for your name.
I don't work with anagrams.
She's just as confused, 'Dement Østergaard'.
'Badevand i rim' [Bathwater in rhyme]: David Minerba. 'Høj shorts jarl' [Tall shorts earl]: Lars Hjortshøj.
- I like it. - It's better than my own.
- I often call Ane 'grabsehøgen' [the grab hawk]. - Don't do that.
I've had the greatest pleasure with you, Mikkel.
There's 'Holte miksturklinik' [Holte mixture clinic], 'Hektisk millionkurt' [Hectic millionaire's fling], 'Mikrohit klunkestil' [Micro-hit clunk style].
And I haven't even started with all the possibilities with 'clitoris'.
You don't have to do much with my name.
My dad was a football coach. He came into the locker room and said:
"It's strange that you haven't teased Mikkel about his name."
- So they did. - Did it take 19 minutes for Mikkel?
We just need to get times on 'Tall shorts earl' -
- and 'Holte mixture clinic'.
Lars, you did it in 12 minutes and 41 seconds.
Without figuring out anagrams, and without smashing anything -
- you did it in 12 minutes and 3 seconds.
So, let's see the last two participants.
David and Mette, who will first prove their worth with a sword?
Mette Søndergaard.
"The sword conquers, that the winner" -
- "who among other winners, has won the most."
Ah, other Stormester winners.
Sofie Linde! [season 2 winner]
Who has won more?
Can we just try them?
This is Simon Jul. [season 6 winner]
Hadi Ka-koush. [season 7 winner]
Annika Aakjær [season 4 winner]. Carsten Eskelund [season 8 winner].
I know who they are. It's... What are your names?
Victor Lander! [season 3 winner]
He has such a boring name.
- His name is... Andreas Mogensen? - That's the astronaut.
- His name is Andreas Mogensen. - No.
Anders Mogensen. Søren Mogensen. Lars Mogensen. Hans Mogensen.
- Martin Mogensen... - Start with 'J'.
Jonas Mogensen! [season 5 winner]
What kind of bad game is this? Then it's probably Uffe Holm. [another Danish comedian]
- He hasn't been on. - I don't know! Just shut up.
Fuhlendorff.
I'm a little knocked out.
I'm very impressed. Andreas Mogensen was the first Dane in space.
Five years later, he wins Stormester.
- We're still missing David. - It's a completely out-there task.
I don't know if the others got help from people.
I think the audience agrees. It's impossible to solve the task.
Let's see how David does with this completely out-there task.
What is this? What is an anagram?
L. D. Is it rhododendron?
There are birds. "First one-man show was exceptional."
No bells are ringing in my head. Normally there are three or four voices.
Should I say 'Mark le Fêvre'?
Mark le Fêvre!
Mark le Fêvre's first one-man show.
Exceptional! Stop!
Lasse Rimmer. Five stars.
Pearl plate.
Rooster. Bird.
Vole. Scarecrow.
Bird...
Bird!
Bird mark!
Why isn't it coming up, Mark? I fucking hate you, man.
Bird. Bird flight. Bird's-eye view!
Bird-a.
Empty tap! Birdhouse!
Bird-ir...
Mark's birdhouse. Scarecrow!
Fu... Full power. Full speed ahead!
Bird. Drunkard!
Dorfne. Dorfen!
Drofen?
There's neither a bird with an 'H', nor anything called a 'dorfen'.
Dorfne? Dorf?
One. One fuhl. One fuhl dorf.
A drunk Jes Dorph? [journalist] I don't understand. One fuhl dorf.
Fuhlendorff! Fuhlendorff!
- You did it. - Easy.
Isn't it symbolic that the heavens opened up over you -
- while you were drowning in clues?
I also grabbed the sword in the hope that -
- lightning would strike and put an end to it all.
- Mark, how long did it take him? - Arh...
- It's more than 19, I can see. - 35 minutes in the rain.
But the sword was successfully loosened from the stone five times.
And now we just need to allocate points.
There's 1 point for you, David, 2 for Mette, 3 for Ane -
- 4 for Lars... and 5 points for Mikkel Klint Thorius.
Damn, that's important.
- What's next? - What is that?
May I just add again: A completely lost cause task.
- Hey, Lars. - Oh...!
- That was puppet theatre. - That was exactly puppet theatre.
Shall we go to the theatre, Mark le Fêvre?
Coo-coo.
Lovely.
- "Choose a scroll..." - "...and perform a puppet show..."
Cosy.
"...about the historical event written on the scroll."
- I'm good at that kind of thing. - "You must not research anything."
- I don't need to. - Just the task for me.
"The best and most historically accurate puppet show wins."
- "The curtain rises in 20 minutes." - "Your time starts now."
Fuck, an easy task!
I'm asking for historically accurate puppet shows, performed without research.
The word 'accurate' is news to me.
So, where do we start, Mark le Fêvre?
Ane interprets a historical event -
- that maybe, maybe didn't happen.
You only know that it includes a man named Kenneth.
I love history, Mark.
"The Moon Landing." Okay, so it's going to be fiction.
- There were two astronauts. - What were their names?
- Armstrong. - What's his first name?
The year is 1969. The space race is on.
And they just need to move Earth down a bit.
They land on the moon.
First out is Mr. Armstrong.
"This is a small step for man, but a giant leap for mankind."
Then follows his well-dressed comrade Buzz Aldrin.
They also have their robot, the duck.
And after, damn, that moon is heavy -
- a slightly more pleasant period -
- they also play a game of golf.
The moon is now American.
- What a rush. - Thanks.
Kenneth Armstrong, right?
- Yes. - Mr. Kenneth Armstrong.
I feel like I've gotten smarter.
Your performance here is full of errors,
but it's better than I expected.
You get some things right, even though you mumble.
It's 1969, you're close to the two astronauts' full names.
The robot duck, on the other hand, where does that come in?
I mixed something from 'Toy Story' into it.
Another astronaut was named something with Buzz.
I panicked a bit and grabbed what I could get close to.
Who's going to follow the story of the moon landing in 1969?
What's so great is that it's a unique opportunity -
- to learn a little about historical events -
- that have shaped our everyday lives.
We're definitely not watching that now. We're starting with Mikkel, David, and Lars.
- So, it's just a matter of choosing. - I'll grab that one.
Yeah.
"Reformatio..." No, damn it.
- What does it say? - "The Reformation."
That's Martin Luther.
- "The Reformation." - "I have a dream." All that stuff.
- It's not the one in France, is it? - I know what that is.
- Back in 2011, there was a lockdown. - Back in '11?
- Which lockdown? - The new school reform.
Back when they abolished the counties, that was a reform.
Okay. Cool.
"Hello everyone. Today you'll hear the story of the Reformation."
Here are the unreformed.
"I'm so tired of porridge. I hate porridge."
The year is 2010.
"Hi, my name is David. I go to school."
David was extremely popular.
"Hi, David!"
"Hi." "Hi."
"Where do you guys work?" "We work at the county."
"Okay."
"I can tell by looking at you."
- Suddenly one day... - Klaus arrives. The reformed one.
That's Lars Løkke coming. [former Prime Minister]
"You're fired. You too, Carsten."
"We're all named Carsten."
"What the hell are you doing? This looks totally unreformed."
"You've got porridge on your face, you clown."
"You two are hired." "Didn't you just abolish the county?"
"Yes. But now I've established a commission."
About the new school reform.
"We've decided that school days should be longer."
"Now you'll see something." "Use a spoon, you idiots."
"Hi. We're from the commission."
"Now we've created the regions."
"Okay, you got me. Then we'll just eat with it."
"Isn't that the same as the counties?" "Yes, it's just called something else."
- And then... - "That was all from us."
"I have to move on and reform people."
The end.
I was ashamed as I drove home.
I was ashamed on your behalf, too.
If anyone wanted to learn something about The Reformation...
...they'll have become 20% dumber from these three performances.
Mikkel, you told a story about Klaus teaching puppets to use cutlery.
That was my best shot. What am I supposed to do? I'm not baptised.
I considered doing what you did last time and just saying:
"I'm skipping this one." - We're missing a performance.
Exciting little take, Mikkel, on The Reformation.
I could explain to you what it's about.
But it's a waste of time when we're in the company of Mette Søndergaard.
- Yes. - Is that the one?
"The Reformation". Easy.
"Welcome to The Reformation."
"Once upon a time, there was a church that was Catholic."
"In it, you could go into a confessional."
"I am so ashamed." "Hello, my child."
"What do you want to confess today?" "I have committed all sorts of sins."
"Just say four Hail Marys, and God has forgiven you."
"The man named Luther thought it was a load of crap."
"Luther! Luther!"
"Hey, my name is Luther, and I'm here to reform this church."
"No! I'm the Pope, and I just love it when people pay indulgences."
"Damn! Then I guess we'll have to have a fight."
And there was a terrible commotion.
All sorts of...
"It was good we got rid of the Catholic Church."
"That was all for today. Thanks for coming to my TED Talk."
Have a safe trip home. The next performance is in Kongens Have! [The King's Garden]
I have a little head start.
I went to a small rural school where my Danish teacher was a priest.
- So you were taught by the parish clerk? - Yes.
How old are you?
You're not supposed to ask that on TV 2. Okay.
As I said...
It was a very small "school". It was the church.
We were very few students. Yes, there were two of us.
Did you grow up in 'Pelle the Conqueror'? [film about two Swedish immigrants to Denmark]
It's called a special-needs class.
My mother is a teacher at a special-needs school.
- Is that why you know that? - I didn't go there myself.
I've dropped by to bully them and then left again. Easy targets.
I'm ready to hand out points.
Normally I would rank them from 1 point up to 5 points.
But there's no suspense here. 5 points to Mette Søndergaard.
Thank you.
And when we talk about historical accuracy, 4 points to Ane.
Then we come to those enthusiastic about reform.
Most entertaining, and therefore 3 points, to Lars. 2 to David.
I understood nothing, Mikkel. 1 point to Mikkel Klint Thorius.
At least I didn't get minus points.
I'm crazy about this historical theme.
There's a lot about the old days. Are we continuing in the same vein?
That would be an understatement.
Instead, we're going to try something new here on the show.
We're going to see our contestants do something stupid.
Yes!
Hi, Mark.
Are you talking to someone?
Should I come in?
It's Fuhlendorff, for crying out loud. Former winner of Stormester.
- That's not something you forget. - It's task time again.
This isn't even a task. What is this?
Now I'm just reading aloud. "MITID: markysharky@mails.dk."
"1/4: Mek Pek."
"20/1: Sigurd Barrett. 22/1: Amin Jensen."
- "Teeth cleaning, oil check." - "Walk Preben."
"200 grams of marshmallows. Only the pink ones."
- What the hell? - "Yeast. Not organic."
"Teeth cleaning, including replacement of old crowns."
- What kind of dentist is that? - Is it a shopping list?
Can I see for a second?
I've done something stupid. I've done something stupid.
Markysharky.
But if you look down in the middle drawer...
- That's your secret drawer. - Yeah.
- Markysharky. Is that better? - Alright, Mark. Let's see what you've got.
- "Do something really stupid." - "Stupidest act wins."
- "You have until the studio recordings." - "Your time starts now."
- That should be a task for me. - I'm good at that.
- I've never done anything stupid. - I've done a lot of stupid things.
I've invested my entire savings in stocks.
I once bought a bath thermometer.
I also bought a sea kayak.
But I haven't sold them yet.
Stupid, stupid, stupid. Maybe I should call him.
- I could get hurt. - I could confront someone in town.
- But I'm not that risk-taking. - I'll try to get beat up.
Something really stupid, Mark.
You call and say: "Markysharky, I've done something stupid."
Shit.
You've already done a lot of stupid things trying to impress me.
But now it has to be pushed to the extreme.
Now you have to make a fool of yourself as much as you possibly can.
I'm excited to see who's the dumbest on purpose.
- Where should we start? - We'll start with you, Mette.
I don't want to say too much right now.
I just need to step out for two seconds. I'll be right back.
- Those are some nice shoes. - Thanks. I got them from my mom.
Whoa...!
No way, they're real!
I can tell from here that it's real fish.
I can smell it from here.
They're actually made to be worn on your feet.
I'm wearing lakssko [salmon shoes; wordplay on 'laksko' (lacquer shoes)]
Mette, isn't it true that you've done a lot of Riverdancing?
Then you'll get a little Riverdance with salmon shoes.
Yeah, yeah. Shut up.
My lord and my ladies, and my sires, and the waterfalls.
Come here.
That wasn't so violent.
Thank you very much. Especially from those of us who are sitting far away from you.
Who's next?
- We're moving on to Mikkel. - Yeah. Yes, but...
Well...
It's because it turned out stupid.
Just not in the way I had hoped for.
No! No!
No, no, no.
What happened was... I had a good idea about -
- making a stupid painting in a stupid way.
So I flew into the painting with a lot of paint on.
And then it went wrong.
But...
...there's nothing more stupid -
- than trying to do something stupid and failing.
That's art.
That was Mikkel making a fool of himself in an attempt to make a fool of himself.
- Who's going to try to be stupid now? - Lars Hjortshøj.
Just because something is stupid, doesn't mean it can't be spectacular.
I'm going to ask for a prop to be brought in that I need.
Now Mette's feet aren't the only things that smell.
No!
- I will now... - What will you do now, Lars?
- I will now walk on coals. - Yes, you will.
I must ask for silence.
Ouch, ouch, ouch!
Ouch, damn it.
- Haven't you learned anything? - No.
The first time, I sensed that no-one was impressed.
Many people came to me and said that it was downright stupid.
- How can I top that? - How hot were they this time?
Just below room temperature. We're at 21-23 degrees.
Yeah.
- Who's going to try to be stupid now? - For hell's sake, it smells like fish in here.
Now it's Ane's turn.
I have, like so many others, when I was young -
- done stupid, embarrassing things.
Young people do stupid things for money all the time.
The thing about me is that I've made commercials.
Oh! Dirty commercials?
13 years ago, I made some commercials -
- which, well... have been recorded and are out on the internet.
Luckily for me, not many people know about them.
So there aren't many who have seen those commercials -
- that I've made with some bad acting -
- and some bad make-up, and some...
That's actually my own clothes, but I'm wearing some bad clothes.
And some really bad scripts that I wrote myself.
No-one has seen them, thankfully. So the dumbest thing I could do -
- was to show them to a million people.
And ruin my own career. So I'm happy to show this.
Only with Condom presents:
Less likely reactions to you suggesting a condom.
Do you...? We need to use a condom. Do you have any?
Do I have condoms?
Several different ones. Small, medium, large, and extra large.
I have ribbed, dotted, and some with flavours.
Strawberry, banana, and liquorice. You seem to me like a liquorice gal.
I also have, for the discerning girl, the ones I call gourmet condoms.
If that's something. Ane, shouldn't we...?
Hey!
That's a long time ago, because I was thin, and Mark had hair.
And we got 5,000 kroner [£580] for it. Combined.
You got paid?
I think we made 11 campaign films for Sex & Samfund [Sex & Society].
Which only have 1,700 views on YouTube.
- And it clearly hasn't worked. - A whole two times.
The best thing was seeing you in a mouse costume -
- sitting and being ashamed of something else.
But is it the scriptwriter's choice -
- or the actor's interpretation to wear a flasher's jacket?
That there was 100% my own jacket.
- That wasn't your own hat, was it? - Yes.
Oh, how ugly!
I remember that period when you wore a hat.
Apparently, it's not over.
We're missing David Minerba.
- What did you screw up? - I've been to Ringsted. [city on the Danish island of Zealand]
Yeah.
That's because I know someone named Mikkel in Ringsted.
And he's a tattoo artist.
David...!
Before I show you what I got...
No!
Not on TV 2.
I was in the lead... until this episode.
But it says: "Winner of Stormester season 9".
Oh, David...!
It's real.
Is it not fake henna? That's a tattoo?
- No, but isn't it beautiful? - Yes.
- We don't know if it's stupid yet. - No. It could be genius.
If I don't get 5 points, there has to be a paradox like that -
- where it then becomes the stupidest.
I'm ready to hand out points. And I don't have much choice.
A tattoo is permanent, David.
And that's the stupidest thing you can do if you get 4 points for it.
No!
Okay, no...
What are you doing? Stop clapping!
Completely lost audience. A bunch of amateurs sitting out there.
- Watch your blood pressure. - What would you give 5 points?
Those ugly shoes? Or that shitty trick?
I'm saying it because if you win, then it's not so stupid.
There's a small chance that it's not the stupidest thing.
But because I love to see Mark suffer...
...and because it was honestly kind of crap, Ane -
- which everyone can find on the internet, so I'm giving 5 points to Ane.
Awesome.
I also have a video of me and Mark having a good time.
I think it will turn out, Mette, that stepping in two real salmons -
- will feel stupid when people yell at you in the street.
But if there's anything more stupid than a stupid joke -
- it's making the same stupid joke two times. Lars gets 3 points.
2 points for the salmon shoes. 1 point for you, Mikkel.
That's how I'm distributing them.
Mark le Fêvre, do you have a further task for me?
At the risk of being a smart-ass, I have a feather task.
- Duck. - Ducks and ducklings. Exciting.
I think I'm missing something.
- Mark? - Where's Mark?
What have you done with the bald guy?
What could it be then?
Mark, I'm opening the envelope now.
"Are you okay, Ane?" "Yes, thank you."
"Shall we do it?" "Yes."
Okay, it's something with ducks.
- "Place the most ducks in Mark's basket." - "You may only carry one duck at a time."
"When Mark toots his backwards horn..."
"...you must walk backwards until Mark rings his forwards bell."
"You must not physically stop Mark or prevent him from moving."
"If you say one of the magic words..."
"...Mark will stand still for 10 seconds."
- "All magic words are one-time use." - "Most ducks in the basket wins."
"The time starts when Mark rings his forwards bell."
Magic words. I wonder what they are. Puppy.
A magic word could well be 'duck'. It says so on the bottom.
Okay. We're still missing Mark.
Little Mark?
Yes!
Mark!
- Hi, Mark. - Hi, Lars.
I'm so glad to be getting to a super simple task.
But shouldn't we just spell out the rules?
It's about getting the most ducks in my bicycle basket.
There's just the small catch that while I'm cycling around -
- I ring my forwards bell and toot my backwards horn.
Some magic words make me stop.
Then you can only carry one duck at a time. Any questions? No.
Let's get started with Ane and David.
Come over here with your tiny basket, Mark.
Could a magic word be 'ta-da'?
Alakazam! Abracadabra!
- What words do you think are magic? - There are many good ones.
Simsalabim! Mark, what are the magic words?
If I say 'duck'? Okay.
Duck. Yes!
I should have stopped you over here.
- Yes! - What if I say...
- Goose. - ...goose? Do you like geese?
Ginger nut. Hip flask.
Can you put into words what a magic word is to you?
Four-wheel drive, Mark.
- It says 'duck' on all of them. - Mark!
- Four minutes left. - Are you saying that to me or you?
Both of us.
I can't figure out what the magic word is.
Fuck!
Yes? No? Is it 'please'?
Mark, if you don't stop, I'll kill your kid.
- One minute. - Is it 'pineapple'?
Can you stand still here for the last 20 seconds?
Fucking loser.
And time's up.
Damn good.
It's the same task solved by a skilled pedagogue -
- and a person who needs help from a skilled pedagogue.
Who is who?
It goes from: "Can you put into words what a magic word is to you?" -
- to: "I'll kill your children!" It's like the extremes.
Should we have shouted 'Christian Fuhlendorff' -
- and then you'd have stopped completely? That would make me furious.
Keld Heick, Keld Heick, Keld Heick. [episode 4 callback]
How many ducks does it add up to for David and Ane?
Their results reflect their energy very well.
Or aggressiveness.
Ane gets 39, David 63.
Wow!
Can anyone enlighten us on the magic words?
We're going to see Lars and Mette take a slightly different approach.
How stupid is that!
- No, how annoying! - Duck.
- Is that the backwards horn? - Yes.
- Oops! Was that the forwards horn? - The forwards bell.
- What's happening now? - I'm braking because you said a word.
Duck.
- What did it say about the magic words? - You can only use them once.
Monkey.
Duckweed.
Yes!
Facility.
Duck pond. Duck ass.
Duckburg. Duck feather. Duck dung.
Anaconda.
- Duckbill. - Pineapple. [ananas; 'an' sounds like 'and' (duck)]
- You're halfway there. - Shut your face.
Anatomy.
- It's backwards. - The backwards horn, yes.
It's not the spirit that's lacking. It's simply the fitness.
- Strenuous [anstrengende]. - Duck liver.
- Analysis. - Duck down.
- Portion [andel]. - I just need to take my shirt off.
Last minute, Lars.
- Lars. - Duck roast! There can't be any more.
- Why are you shouting so much? - Because I'm hyped. Duck leg!
Three, two, one...
Shut up. I am the lord of the ducks.
What do you want from me? See ya.
Under some of these ducks, there are magic words.
But if you start with 'duck', you can just shout away. And there will be shouting.
I'm really hyped there. It's physical exertion.
You ditch your jacket, Lars completes the whole thing wearing fleece.
I waited for Mark to come to me. That was my whole strategy.
It seems like you have principles. Lars Hjortshøj doesn't walk backwards.
I don't.
I'm thinking: Will there come a time -
- when Lars breaks into a moderate run or a leisurely jog?
You won't. What will it take to get Lars to run?
A different programme.
I promise you that.
- How did it go for them? - Lars...
It became 40 ducks for you.
Mette, self-proclaimed lord of the ducks, possibly rightfully so...
- 65 ducks. - Is that right? Okay!
Yes, man!
- We're still missing Mikkel. - Yeah.
- Yeah.
I have an idea, Mark. You're about to see something.
- How genius do you feel? - Pretty genius.
- Did you read the task? - You can only carry one duck at a time.
- How many were you carrying just now? - I was dragging them.
Stop!
Duck. Is that...?
Oh, duck...
- Yeah. - Yeah.
I was dragging.
I'll accept that you dragged the box over to Mark. You dragged.
If you're not allowed to carry the ducks, how did you get them into the basket?
I carried a box that happened to have ducks in it.
Yeah. Yeah.
Then you could have just carried the box and said: "It's the box I'm carrying."
I can kind of see that now.
You're right. Give me that 1 fucking point.
I tried to cheat. I didn't get away with it.
You're getting zero points.
Damn!
- Yeah, well... - I don't want...
I don't know. It's hard for me to defend.
I don't want you to feel unfairly treated.
I just secured myself the definition of the verb 'to carry'.
That's the infinitive conjugation.
"To hold something lifted, while moving it with you."
You're lifting more than a duck, but you're not moving.
You're dragging. Then you stand still and lift.
That doesn't match the definition of 'carrying'. So I accept your solution.
I was dead certain I'd fucked up.
It's just because sometimes I'm an asshole.
- No, Papa Bear. You're so sweet and kind. - Exactly.
How many ducks did Mikkel manage to place in your basket?
It ended up being 98 ducks in the basket.
Wow! Okay.
In the battle for Mette's bad tooth, there's one last chance for points.
The final task is unfolding right now.
Here stand our five contestants.
Who will have the pleasure of reading the task aloud for us?
- Ane, won't you read it? - I'd really like to.
Thank you, my little Field Mouse. ['markmus']
That didn't get enough, I think.
"Crawl around behind the wall for 20 seconds and end up in one of the squares."
"The Taskmaster will then guess which square you ended up in."
"If he guesses correctly, you're out. The last contestant wins."
You're kind of running out of tasks -
- when the final task is for Lasse to guess where we are behind a wall.
When I give you a signal -
- you have 20 seconds to crawl around behind the wall.
We're playing three rounds. If you make it through all three, you get 5 points.
And if you don't, you get zero points.
Should four contestants be eliminated before the third round -
- then there are 5 points for the one who's left standing.
As the standings are now, you can actually all still win the show.
If you're the only one who survives all three rounds, you're guaranteed victory.
Are you ready? Mark, on my signal, your signal.
- Here you go, Mark. - Let's get started!
Okay...
And time's up.
Ane Høgsberg, you're conserving your energy. You're in space no. 2.
- No way! - I've conserved a lot of energy.
David Minerba. Young energy has led him to space 3.
- Stand up, David. - Oh my god!
He's outta here!
Lars Hjortshøj...
- Whoa, whoa, whoa! - Sorry.
I know Lars Hjortshøj well enough to think he's also thinking:
There's not much crawling to do. He's in space no. 2.
Yes!
Then I sense -
- that Mette Søndergaard has stayed close to Lars and is also in space no. 2.
What... is going on?
Ane, are you getting 5 points after one round?
But I don't want that tooth to come home with me.
I'm missing Mikkel Klint Thorius. Was it crowded?
I think so, in space no. 2.
- Congratulations on the tooth, Ane. - What?
Oh no!
Shouldn't we just be sure about that, Mark?
A good effort can lead to a bad tooth. The winner is Ane Høgsberg.
If you've just turned on your TV, you've missed the whole thing.
Thank you for tonight.
Original Danish subtitles: Karl Wagner (Dansk Video Tekst)
Proofreading and adjustments: Chaya Friis and u/Taskmastermaster