Nooo! Nooo!
This is a shared effort. — Look at these hands!
— Imagine that you're being chased!
Good evening and welcome to Taskmaster!
This time as well, a group of entertainers tries to use their ingenuity, skills, —
and in some cases, their intelligence, to solve a bunch of tasks that I've devised for them.
They'll experience both challenges and disappointments —
but their feelings don't matter that much really, because the main thing is that we're being entertained.
Our regular contestants are Janne Kataja — [*Comedian, magician]
Jukka Hildén — [*Stunt performer, The Dudesons "Finnish Jackass"]
Jenni Poikelus — [*Radio & TV personality]
and Roni Back. [*Youtuber]
And this week, competing with them is mister weatherman, the weather wizard Pekka Pouta. Welcome!
Pekka Pouta [*Well known TV weather forecaster]
And here next to me sits the contest's official referee Pilvi Hämäläinen.
Good evening! Well, Jaakko Saariluoma, are you ready to wrestle then?
What do you mean? — I was just trying to come up with a Finnish equivalent for that... that...
"Let's get ready to rumbleeee!"
Let's get ready to rumble. Well it's probably something like [formally:] "Let's build up a preparedness for thundering (noise)."
Anything else? — No.
Good. Let's move on and start by finding out what we'll be competing for today.
And as we do, we'll also be giving the first round of points. Pilvi, could you elaborate a little bit please?
This time too, the episode's prizes are a collection of things that the contestants have brought from their homes.
What you asked them to bring this time was the best hairy thing that isn't alive.
Did I? — Yes you did.
I'll have to stop using melatonin.
But well, we'll just have to go with these. What's been given. Jenni, what have you brought?
I brought my epilator.
Right... Jenni, that's not a hairy object though. — It is from the inside.
Don't, don't... Don't open it.
Janne, what have you brought?
Well I meant to bring... Because I have rabbits, one rabbit, but it's alive, so... — But what have you brought?
Well... this.
What is it? — I don't know, I found this from home.
I hope that this isn't my rabbit, because this is lifeless after all.
What do you do with it? — You can jam it into your trousers. And it's like its own life's...
Janne why would you jam it into your trousers? Or wait, I can imagine.
(Pilvi:) A merkin? – A merkin. (Jenni:) Janne has emptied out my epilator. – Right.
Jukka, what have you brought?
I brought this um, werewolf tail. But this isn't a real werewolf. — Oh, really?
Or the tail of one. We made this with my son for uh, his Halloween costume and um...
With this, he won the costume contest of the Halloween disco. — Ooh!
And I thought, let's pop it over there so um, you can all look at it hanging there. – Alright!
(Jaakko:) And you made it for your son. — I made this for my son and he was actually the one who gave it to me, –
saying: "It's alright daddy, surely you're gonna win anyway so you can bring it back then."
Aww, what a moving story. — Thank you.
But what I do find slightly odd, is the fact that you're playing the child card at this point.
Do you think it'll get you points? — I don't know, let's just try this this time.
Well you'll always have to try something for sure. — If this doesn't get me points, you're gonna have to answer to Sisu*. [*the son's name]
Yes. Pekka, what have you brought? — Mm....
This is an aquarelle brush made of sable hair. — Of who?
A sable. It's this kind of, small, cute, furry animal that lives somewhere in the far end of Siberia.
And um, it does sound a little bit unethical but that's the way painting used to be, that —
without these things, all the great masterpieces would've been left undone, so...
They're made of sable hairs and stuff, or well...
Oil painting brushes, they're made of pig hair actually.
(Pilvi:) God, how interesting.
This thing as an enormous ability to absorb*. [*Lit. Finnish: ability to suck] Much better than many people do.
How do you know that then? — Well um... Ummm this has been used a lot.
By the way, did Janne just blush a little bit? — I did. I was wondering if you'd want to have this mop of mine?
Have you ever used one of those sables to paint? By dipping it into the paint and just using the living one. That would be ethical.
Roni, what have you brought? — Well, I brought this hamster thing.
Um, I got this from Kaija Koo* as a gift. [*Known female schlager singer, active since 80s] And so, this thing talks but isn't alive.
Hi! — Hi!
Can I have a look?
Woo! — Woo!
Good. — Good.
Shut up. — Shut up.
Be quiet! — Be quiet!
Five points... — Five points...
Jenni! — Jenni! – (Roni:) He let me down!
Four points, Pekka's bold brush. — Four points, Pekka's bold brush.
— Roni three points.
— Thank you Kaija!
Jukka two points.
And Janne, one point. — Yeah. Even that is one too much.
Pass me to Roni. — Pass me to Roni.
There you go, the points have been given, and this episode's winner gets to keep all of these fine toys.
And now, to the first proper task at the mansion.
Hi! — Hi.
Hi there!
"Try to make this man blush as much as possible."
"Talking and light physical contact are allowed." — "Whoever gets this man to blush the most, wins."
"You have 15 minutes, time starts now."
Well this is a family programme after all. I've got a few ideas, but...
Oh my. This is gonna to be fun, I'm sure. Who's first? — Let's begin with Jenni and Roni.
— Here we go again! What a duo!
Hi Lauri.
How's life? — Really good. – I see. Right...
When did you lose your virginity? — A long, long time ago. I'm an old man already, so...
Everything's happened more than 20 years ago. — What was it like?
Quite interesting/exciting. — Mm.
Are you single? — Yeah.
Have you been single for a long time? — I started five minutes ago.
Uh-huh.
Do you mind if I just massage you here? — Not at all. – This is completely normal, like...
What do you do for work? — Sales and stuff. – What do you sell?
– Um, dental products. Anything that you'd assume a dentist would need.
(Humming together.)
(Singing:) Go on and on...
Would you like to try to sell me a tooth brush? — A tooth brush? – How would you make me buy one?
Have you got a good brush? — I do. By the way I hope you don't mind us holding hands? – Not at all.
This is like any normal sales situation. — This is how those tooth brushes usually sell.
Give me a two minute presentation on the wars of Finland. — On the wars of Finland...
Well, you know Finns are known for having always fought some other nation's wars.
Shall we have a staring contest? — Sure, let's do that. – I'm quite bad at it...
Although, when speaking about wars, you shouldn't forget the civil war, or the freedom war –
which had its hundredth anniversary last year.
Oh you can't be defeated in a staring contest, can you!
A Ukrainian in a winter forest, so... the outcome is obvious.
Right. Thank you.
Very interesting. — Cool.
And these were your performances.
Jenni... — Yes.
The objective wasn't to make all your own fantasies come true.
No, it was to make the subject blush.
Yeah but usually, using these methods, all men have started feeling seriously awkward in my presence.
But I think that this went really well. We've been seeing each other for several months already, so...
Has he ever blushed? — From the wrong places.
In the wrong places [in time] or from the wrong places [of the body]? — From the wrong places.
Roni. You decided to stare him red.
Well it didn't work very well after all, if you noticed. It didn't show up in the post-processing.* [*Vague sentence. He might not understand the term he uses, and might actually mean "it wasn't one of the colour swatches"]
What were you thinking? — I don't know, like, I just completely froze.
Suddenly in that room there's some man sitting in front of me, who sells tooth- what, tooth brushes.
And I'm supposed to make him blush, so...
Got handsy right away, then we did some staring and all sorts of stuff.
But... You weren't thinking of anything? — No. Couldn't you tell from that, or?
No. How often do you think? — Well definitely not during this show, I haven't done much (of it) so far.
I'm not gonna say anything to that, Roni. — No need.
Pilvi, how were these performances? — Well, here the range of possible shades goes as follows.
No change, rose, —
coral, chestnut, and fire red.
And the shade that Roni achieved was...
No change. — Noo!
And then during this therapy session of Jenni's, the subject's face attained the shade...
Rose. — Ooh!
So, quite weak shades, aren't they. — Well yeah.
Yes. But Lauri, who's actually here in the audiance, —
can probably send Jenni a bill for this therapy session of hers.
Yes, upwards of 2 500 plus VAT. — Plus VAT.
Good, let's allow that redness fade a little bit, and go for a little break.
Welcome back! Before the break, we saw how Jenni and Roni worked on their own traumas —
and tried to make the subject blush. What's next?
Next, we have the performances of Jukka and Janne in one package. — (Jaakko:) Excellent.
Lightly... Slapping, for example.
Could you be slapped? — Lightly.
I just, just a little bit... I'll just sort of try...
I'll just sort of try like this for a start.
Could you do push-ups, can I request you? Do push-ups. — Yes.
I'm gonna go and get a few... You were allowed to leave the room, right? Quickly.
I'll be back. (Deranged laughter)
What are you doing?
Now then. Keep going! Keep going! You can still do some more! A bit more!
Oh the terror of terrors and horrors, I uh...
I'm not gonna start telling any stories, but using some light contact, I'm gonna make you blush.
Like, artificially.
Can you (do) any faster? You probably don't get paid for standing around, so...
This is really expensive stuff. Now then. (Good.)
Do you have a problem with alcohol?
I mean, your nose is going red... — Not until now.
Look at that, even his jaw is red now. I am sorry.
(Lauri roars.) — Cry from the deep within! Deep within! Imagine that you're being chased!
Quite red- could you close your eyes a bit, look up with your eyes, would you...
Try to do a head stand! — Grab my legs.
Because the blood goes up into your head, you'll be redder then. We'll do this together! This is a shared effort.
There. Has Jaakko watched you from this angle before?
Oops, well Jaakko he's an ex TV face. There.
He's gone quite red really, and I didn't need to tell one story!
Quite good! I'm really proud, this is also art.
There! And we're done.
There, and that way. Look how red this guy is!
Alright, thank you.
So this was your performance. Initially I found it really strange that —
if Jukka comes in with a ketchup bottle in his hand, laughing, —
how did this Lauri have the courage to stay put?
(Jukka:) He liked ketchup. ...In his ear!
Yeah I'm sure. And what I found disturbing about Janne's performance is that when you held Lauri up against that wall, —
I couldn't make out what you were saying because you were so out of breath watching someone else do physical exertion.
That's actually true, and —
did you notice, I've never ran as much as I did when claudicating* around that flower bed. [*(medical) impairment of walking which is relieved by rest]
Right, you ran half a lap. — Yeah yeah, well, enough for it to look good on camera, or so I thought, but it didn't look that good after all.
Pilvi. How do we judge their performances?
Yeah so we did get presented with all sorts of shades, but um.
Because of this ketchup spread by Jukka and the pigment spread by Janne, the result was quite difficult to judge, so...
The final shade could've been anything. (Jenni:) – Deception! — Right...
So blushing is a physiological reaction which happens —
When the superficial veins expand, and the blood circulation near the skin increases.
And here, if this is how it's judged, then the result is exactly the same as that of Roni and Jenni, so —
No, no result.
Damn. — (Jenni:) Yes!
But the attempt was respectable anyway. (Jukka:) Right.
What's left? — What's left is the performance of our guest, Pekka. — Bring it on!
Oh no, Pekka! Pekka, stop!
I think this is it. You've received a ludicrous amount of facial massaging. — I have.
This sustains me for a long time.
Pekka, I'd like to ask you, —
how do you define the words "light physical contact"?
Well that's what that is. Just like, pat, pat, pat. It depends how hard you strike.
(Pilvi:) He did not hit with a fist did he. — Right. — (Jaakko:) How do we judge this?
Well, with this brisk slapping, Pekka got his face to attain the shade...
Dun... Dun... Excitement escalates.
Chestnut!
Meaning, that Pekka succeeded at this task the best of all.
Pekka, your performance was the most successful, so five points to you.
Four points to Jenni. — Yay.
And to everyone else for the weakest performance, three points.
And with Janne, what we'll do is —
we'll reduce two points for the destruction of Taskmaster symbols.
Oops. — It was your idea, Lauri!
It was one point per picture.
How are the total scores at the moment?
On the score board in the lead right now —
Pekka and Jenni. — Hey!
(Jaakko:) Pekka and Jenni are in the lead. What delightful do we have up next?
Next up, is the next task. And we'll go to the next insert. — Next.
Hi there! — Hi there!
Hi there. — Well hello!
I see... — If there were two fish, should I take... Well never mind.
"Slice the bread into as many slices as possible."
"You may use tools from the shed."
"The person with the most slices wins." — "You have two minutes."
"Time starts now."
Surely you'd assume this one to be quite easy. Who's first?
One would think that it would be easy indeed, but let's see how Jenni and Roni did.
Always first! Why? — The power team.
Slice the bread, the bread slice, slice the bread, I wonder what...
What, isn't there anything here that could be used for sawing?
A puukko knife* of some sort. [*Trad. Finnish knife] — I took an axe as well, in case I need defense.
Okay. — One minute left.
Okay so if for starters, just the small end from there.
One minute.
Eeeh. Come on!
This doesn't work. A box cutter...
Hey, this is actually working alright.
Whoops!
Ten seconds. — Ten seconds!
Ten seconds. — No! No! No!
Time's up.
— How do you think it went, personally*? — Good!! [*Athlete interviewing technique adopted as a Finnish popular culture phrase to use when someone has obviously done a shitty job, but interviewer tests if the loser is aware of just how badly it went]
— How many do you think the others have got? — Max four. [*Athlete interviewing technique adopted as a Finnish popular culture phrase to use when someone has obviously done a shitty job, but interviewer tests if the loser is aware of just how badly it went]
So you assume that you've won. — Yeah I do think that it seems that way.
Thank you. — Thank you.
Before addressing the actual performance... Jenni, —
you took out a camping axe.
So... What were you prepared to defending yourself against?
Birds that would attack my loaf of bread.
So when you go to the market square, you always have an axe with you, so the seagulls wouldn't...?
What were the results of Jenni and Roni?
Jenni managed to turn the bread into six slices.
And Roni managed to make a couple more than the "max four" that Jenni estimated.
So Roni got eight slices. — What? (Roni:) – Oh there you go, see!
Oh, so even the torn pieces counted? Damn it. — (Janne:) Pretty good.
This performance was exactly what it looked like. — It really was.
Whom are we going to watch next? — Next, let's see how Janne did.
(Jenni:) Oh, Janne! (inaudible)
I'll take this with me just in case I find myself running out of time.
Let's have a go with this. Oops!
Just a moment.
Now I've got to say, it must be yesterday's bread that you've got here. — Half a minute.
20 seconds. — Is it moldy, this...?
Ten.
Time's up. — Keep your loaf!
Good. — Right.
Janne, could you explain a bit, like, what was your perfect vision —
regarding that strimmer? — Well I thought it would make some thin ones!
Because somewhere in the late 90's I used to have this, like bread thing...
So you wouldn't have to actually operate a bread knife. But it was an electric bread knife —
and it had this RRRRRR!!! So I thought that it would be similar, —
that you could like, use it to make thin slices, but it made breadcrumbs instead, so...
But if you intended to make breadcrumbs, it really does work, so...
Pilvi, what is Janne's result?
Right, just a moment, I'll check from here.
Nil.
Janne, you didn't get any slices from the bread. — Right. But it wasn't the first time.
No, but we got plenty of new experiences. — True. — We'll digest this over the course of a break.
Welcome back to Taskmaster!
Before the break we saw Janne whipping a loaf with some fishing line. — Indeed.
What are we going to see next, Pilvi?
We still have the performances of Jukka and Pekka remaining, but to remind you of the task, —
the objective was to slice a loaf of bread in two minutes into as many slices as possible, and —
you were allowed to use the items in the shed.
Slices, excellent. — Indeed.
You are allowed to use the items in the shed. — Yes.
Well come on then!
Where are all the knives kept? Here.
So just a regular bread knife?
These are good slices, wouldn't you think? I can tidy them up a little bit, so um...
Time... ends... now.
You can keep the puukko*. [*trad. Finnish knife]
Thank you. — That's a wrap. Back to baking.
That's just amazing. So Pekka just introduced a completely new angle to this —
by using the tool that was perhaps the most appropriate one for this task, didn't he. — Indeed.
The objective did state that you could use the items in the shed, but —
using items found in the kitchen for example wasn't forbidden.
Jukka, it didn't occur to you at all to pop into the kitchen?
Nah, I thought I'd just keep it more free form, make these sort of skillet breads, like nice manually torn ones.
Right, torn pieces of bread. — Slices.
You're good at tearing, if you can tear it into slices. — It was precisely on the money.
What were the results of Jukka and Pekka?
Pekka made 21 very neat slices. And...
Jukka, in the same amount of time, managed to make 69 PIECES.
But I had counted 69 quite precisely!
So ummm... Pieces, not slices. How do you define a slice?
Well a slice, a slice is a thin slice – not a piece – that's been cut from food stuff or other material.
A slice is a slice, a piece is a piece. And those pieces of Jukka's weren't even pieces, but some kind of weird tatters.
But not even close to a slice. The points are as follows.
Jukka, no slices, so zero points.
Pekka, naturally, five points, Roni four points, Jenni three points.
And... Well, let's give Jukka two points for trying anyway. Jukka and Janne two points each.
Well this went well after all.
Let's proceed to the next task.
Hi. — Hi.
I see.
(Roni:) What on earth?
What do we have here? — "Empty the bath tub from water."
"You can't move the bath tub." — "You can't remove the plug."
"Fastest wins." — "Time starts now."
So you can't do any... So you can't tilt it, okay. Umm...
I'm excited to see what our four regular Einsteins have come up with.
Should we just recall the objective once?
Right. So they had to remove the water from the bath tub as fast as possible.
You weren't allowed to remove the bath tub... [she stumbles over the words] — Okay?
— Weren't allowed to remove the bath tub.
You weren't allowed to remove the plug, and you weren't allowed to move the bath tub.
But so you weren't allowed to remove the bath tub... — No, not from that spot. — ...and leave water in it. — Don't you get caught up in the details now!
Shall we watch how Jenni and Roni did? — (Jenni:) How can this be?
(Nervous bebop)
I'm gonna do this.... Just couldn't get any warmer (water) then, could you?
Empty the bath tub from water.
What?
So how... No, now this won't... This... It all splashes all over my trousers.
(Whistling.)
Huh, it's so cold!
Time ends.
And the time ends.
Look at these hands! There's no circulation!
Roni, have your hands already recovered back to filming condition? — Well the hands gradually have, but —
I still don't have sensation in my toes, so. — Still no sensation. You don't feel* your toes? [Finnish: 'know somebody' / 'feel' = same word]
I can introduce you after the show. [Finnish: 'know somebody' / 'feel' = same word]
(Jenni:) He's such a... — Daddy.
How do you think that went?
Well I decided that I'd leave like, the shed out this time, because the shed clearly isn't my forte.
Thought, let's just go with this sort of Jukka-esque energy and bungling and...
Are you calling it bungling? — NO I mean like, the sort of conscious, like, systematic... Yeah. So um...
Your performance was really masculine wasn't it. (Imitating:) AH! Cold!
But it was cold! Only you guys had warm water. That's why. Well, anyway.
Jenni you went for some tools. — Yeah. Was it worth it? — Umm yeah I would say that it was.
Usually at home I empty the tub just by like, getting in. Swoosh!
Everything just sloshes out but that just there made no sense at all. — No, no it didn't, but –
How are we gonna rate these? Or how did they do?
Yeah um Jenni emptied the tub in 3:57.
And Roni's time...
Roni's time was 3:34. — (Janne:) Faster!
But these are genuinely quite good times. — They are.
Before watching the performances of Janne, Jukka and Pekka, we'll let Pilvi the referee calm down a bit —
as we go for a little break.
Welcome back! Before the break, we saw how Roni and Jenni —
tried to frantically empty a bath tub from water.
I wonder what we have coming up next? — We're yet to see the performances of Jukka, Janne and Pekka.
You can't remove the plug, you can't move the bath tub, therefore you can't tilt it either. — Indeed.
Well, this calls for a siphon or other such solution.
Bailing the water out, but that would be slow.
Well, I'll just pop by the shed then.
Right. All the water?
There we go, see?
I could've jumped in as well, but um...
I couldn't find a larger bucket, but...
Oh my, I'll get a bucket of some sort.
And now. — There!
Phew. — Time.
Time.
And the final juices.
Right, so these were your performances then.
Pekka, you spent quite a while weighing whether or not to jump into the tub yourself.
It also crossed my mind that I could've thrown Pilvi in. — Right.
Crossed your mind? — It did.
Janne, was this the first time for you, shoveling water? — And the last time.
It was also the first time for me shoveing in general, and as you can see –
it doesn't look good when a fat man labours, so um. My attention was constantly drawn to that floral shirt of mine, I mean —
how close it was to getting wet, the furthest apex of my belly.
'Cause it went over to...
I should just like, organise things so that I'm just the overseer and somebody else does the work.
Jukka. — I just went completely blind in there, no sense at all, but —
we have this sort of love relationship with Pilvi, you know. — (Pilvi:) Oh really?
So um, "it's out of love that the horse kicks you too" so that's why I jokingly wet your shoes a little bit. [*Finnish proverb. Typically used as an excuse when little boys bully girls, implying that it's just to get their attention]
Hahaha, that was fun. [*Finnish proverb. Typically used as an excuse when little boys bully girls, implying that it's just to get their attention]
Pilvi, what were the results of these fellows?
Pekka's performance took 4 minutes and 15 seconds, —
Janne's performance was 2 minutes and 44 seconds.
My beloved friend, a person very close to me, Jukka, was the fastest of all —
and beat the magical two minute mark. Jukka's time was 1:55.
It bugged me afterwards that I didn't throw her into the tub.* [*conjugating her name incorrectly, he literally said "I didn't throw marihuana into the tub"]
So the others get one to four points according to how they ranked. [*conjugating her name incorrectly, he literally said "I didn't throw marihuana into the tub"]
And of course, the five points should go to Jukka here, —
but Pilvi, how do we react to the case of the wellies?
(Pilvi:) Should we subtract half a point per boot?
Let's do, so one point off Jukka's score. Four points to him.
(Pilvi:) Thank you, taskmaster.
Right then, cloud service*. [*Her name means cloud]
How are the overall scores?
In the lead at the moment, there's Pekka. And in the last place, Janne.
So for now we don't know who's gonna take those coveted prizes home tonight.
Dear friends, it's time for the final task.
Well then, this looks promising.
Pilvi, could you tell us what this is about?
The final task is very challenging and requires knowing your own body well.
Pekka, please read the letter aloud.
"Make the longest continuous sound by using your own body."
"The person with the longest sound wins."
"There's a bonus point for the best sound."
(Chuckling.)
The contestants won't hear one other's attempts before they've done their own sounds, so —
you can put those thingamajigs on. I'll tap you on the shoulder when it's your turn.
Let's begin. - Right then.
Is this on already?
(Pilvi:) I think that was already it. - Oh..?
I must say, I really didn't hear a thing. — Thank you, Jenni.
What did you do? Did you just lift your buttock or what?
Shall we proceed to the next one? — We definitely shall.
(Inhales deeply several times.)
(Yells a steady note at a rather high pitch)
(Voice grows hoarse.)
(Struggles.)
Time ended.
(Jenni:) Just crazy! — (Pilvi:) Thank you, Jukka.
You're welcome.
(Rustling of hair)
(Jaakko:) This is actually quite entertaining to watch.
Pekka is an exciting man. — Indeed. Alright Pekka, enough.
(Exhales)
(Jenni:) Oh my.
On we go.
blblblblblblblblblblblblblblbl....
(Pitch starts to meander anxiously)
(Gasps for air)
And next.
(Vocal fry)
Thank you! Thank you, great performances. Come back to the sofas, let's check the results.
It was extremely entertaining.
And a bit moving, too. And Pekka changed his hairstyle, so um...
Backcombing. — Indeed.
But the objective was, who makes the longest continuous sound using their body.
Pilvi, who was the most successful?
The longest sound was produced by Pekka, going on for 1 minute and 10 seconds.
How? Oh! — How did you end up with this solution?
Umm well it had to be done by using your own body so initially I thought of something boring, like drawing a line along the floor like this —
or brushing against this little bit of stubble. But I couldn't know for sure if it would even be audible.
It isn't. — And this adds a visual effect to it so —
the sound acquires some "volume" of sorts, also like, metaphorically.
A bonus point for the best sound, and at the same time, for the most artistic and moving performance —
goes to Jukka.
Sounded a bit like a pity point.
But Pilvi, who won this episode then? Who's got the most points?
After all the tasks, the person who managed to accumulate the most points was...
Pekka.
(Jaakko:) Congratulations Pekka! You can move over to paw the objects that you've won!
Many thanks to all contestants, and thanks to all of you viewers at home.
This was Taskmaster.