Who's written these? You?
Pilvi, let go of it!
Thanks Pilvi, you helped me out!
Good evening and welcome to follow what our contestants with comedic tendencies can do —
as they carry out tasks that would usually be solved by using intelligence, speed, and skill.
I can say that the expectations are as high as those of a theatre critic at a junior high school spring festival*. [*Very tedious indoor formality that marks the start of summer holidays, and for some, the end of school. Some students have prepared performances.]
I'm Jaakko Saariluoma, and this is Taskmaster. [*Very tedious indoor formality that marks the start of summer holidays, and for some, the end of school. Some students have prepared performances.]
Our regular contestants are Eija Vilpas, — [Actress, screenwriter, drama teacher]
Kalle Lamberg, — [Comedian, actor, art director of a theater]
Fathi Ahmed, — [Comedian]
Pirjo Heikkilä. [Comedian, actress, screenwriter]
And tonight, competing with them is the lovely actress Helmi-Leena Nummela. Welcome.
And here next to me is a person who will make sure that everything goes according to plan.
She's simultaneously in the front and behind, she's everywhere. She's the show's official referee Pilvi Hämäläinen.
Thank you. I believe that this evening, too, will be remembered for the legendary performances that are about to take place.
I mean, on the referee's part. I'm not so sure about the contestants. – That's exactly right.
And now. Let's find out what we'll be competing for tonight. What's for the prizes.
And as we do that, dear friends, the first round of points are up for grabs.
Pilvi. Could you please remind us of what this is about.
The show's prizes consist of the contestants' personal property.
This time, what you asked them to bring in as a prize was —
the thing that most easily and regularly goes missing.* [*Usually: due to misplacement by its owner]
The most easily and regularly, ah that's what it was. Again, what a clever... clever prompt.
What did they bring? Or have they lost them all?
Let's see. Let's start with Pirjo.
Pirjo brought earplugs. Ummm, according to her, you always come across them lying around everywhere —
except when you need them, which is in the middle of the night, when you'd even accept a pair that's been used many times already.
Such such as this one.
Eija brought in a remote control that has several bite marks.
Eija stubbornly tried to convince us that the marks were her dog's doings.
And Kalle has brought in an anchor from a boat —
because every summer, it literally gets lost into the sea many times over.* [*The same word can either mean "to go missing" (inanimate object) or "to drown" (person or animal), so Kalle took advantage of the double meaning.]
Helmi-Leena continues with the theme by bringing in her favourite movie, Titanic, on DVD. [*The same word can either mean "to go missing" (inanimate object) or "to drown" (person or animal), so Kalle took advantage of the double meaning.]
So at Helmi-Leena's place, it's either the DVD or Leonardo DiCaprio that goes missing regularly.* [*Double meaning of the word: DVD goes missing, Leonardo drowns.]
And lastly, Fathi has brought in this thing.
Maybe Fathi would like to explain this himself. (Jaakko:) Right, so Fathi... I... I don't see anything in there. What is it?
Well I mean, the emptiness is symbolic of something. – What is it symbolic of? What does emptiness symbolise?
What's gone missing? – My self-esteem.
(Eija:) Awww... (Fathi:) Yeah... (Jaakko:) Oh that's what's missing. Is it missing right now?
It's missing as we speak. Sometimes I feel like I'm absolutely brilliant, and sometimes I feel like it doesn't exist.
(Kalle:) So... If I win this episode, I get your self-esteem?
Cool!
But the most fun thing is that it might not even exist!
Great ones. Great prizes, dear friends.
Now I must score these. And I'll score them... swiftly, like so.
Fathi 5 points. (Kalle:) Huh? (Eija:) Oh wow.
Did you just feel a bit of a lift in your self-esteem?
Good. Pirjo 4 points.
Helmi-Leena 3 points. And Kalle and Eija, 2 points. (Kalle:) Okay. I accept.
And so the first round of points have been given. And remember, regulars, —
that at the end of this season, one of you is going to win this coveted golden Taskmaster trophy.
Are we ready to see the first task and go to the mansion?
That's what we'll do. Off to the mansion then.
Good afternoon. – "Keep the balloon in the air for as long as possible."
"You may not touch the balloon with your hand, and the balloon shouldn't come to a standstill at any point during the performance."
"You can touch the balloon with the same item only once."
It's way too complicated already, I'm lost. "The one to keep the balloon airborne for the longest, wins."
"Pilvi will release the balloon from her hand in 8 minutes."
"The time... starts... now."
So the objective was to keep the balloon in the air for as long as possible —
once I had let go of it.
They weren't allowed to touch the balloon with their hands, and the balloon couldn't come to a standstill at any time during the performance.
Also, the balloon could only be touched once per each item.
What a great task, once again. Really just sort of breezy and uplifting. Who's first?
Let's see how the balloons of Kalle, Eija, Helmi-Leena and Fathi stayed airborne.
(Kalle:) Owww...
"Time starts now."
And now you just let go of it. Pilvi, let go of it!
Let go of the balloon!
So you're ready to start the task? – Yes. – Now.
Uhhh...
Ah! Oh no!
I messed up right off the bat.
There. Well it's doing the job, isn't it.
If someone's gone to the shed, they must be a bit of a half-wit.* [*Play on words: 'Shed' and 'half-wit' are almost the same word, one has short and one has long vowel.] – Alright... I'll just go ummm, pop by the shed!
(Panic cry.)
Okay, let go.
Ahhhh!
Oh no...
It burst. – I guess I didn't quite hit the bullseye now.
There. Agh!
No... Oh no...
Now.
Oh no, I've lost count!
Pilvi, have you ever been to a worse date?
Aren't they all like this, pretty much?
They are pretty much like this. – Aren't they?
It's the men who are more occupied with their balls than, for example, conversation. [*Balloon in Finnish is literally 'air ball']
Oh! Sock! Another sock! Cap! [*Balloon in Finnish is literally 'air ball']
Head! No!
(Fathi:) It's going smoothly.
Oh my, oh my. Helmi-Leena, hon that you saw your own performance, um... How did it feel —
when the instructions stated that you weren't supposed to touch the balloon with the same things, nor with your hand...
So within 10 seconds, you touched it with your left hand, twice.
I mean I just panicked. I saw the balloon... (Jaakko:) Oh, we didn't notice...
And then I felt like, I'm a dog, ball, dog, and...
I couldn't help myself any longer. Oh dear. (Jaakko:) Oh dear.
Eija. – Tell me. – That choreography you had there...
It wasn't long... but it was... – No but it was ever so impressive.
I fully agree. So if you could repeat it, you could sell tons of tickets —
to some amazing modern performing arts show, like dance. – Yes indeed.
Do you think you could repeat it now, just on the fly? – Ummm...
Yeah I... I can try. It was like this, and then it went...
So I jumped, like this! And then, like this...
Was it close? – No. All good, all good...
Eija... Eija... If there ever is a show like this, I'll buy a ticket immediately. (Pilvi:) Same.
Fathi. So how did you feel —
as you just fired away, touching the balloon repeatedly with a letter that explicitly told you not to touch it with the same object again?
Well, initially I thought that I was thinking. But then it dawned on me that I wasn't thinking.
– Yeah... – And I suppose, my initial logic was that I would touch it with that one object, but the contact would never end.
So I could take and hold the balloon in one prolonged contact. – Right.
And that would do the trick. – Yeah, that was the original logic that was there to be seen, in the beginning.
But I guess, then something happened? – Yeah. – So what happened? – It may have separated a little bit.
Oh my. Such great performances. What kind of results did we get?
Kalle's time, it wasn't quite four hours, it was —
39 seconds. But Kalle didn't break any rules there.
Helmi-Leena's time was 26 seconds, —
and there were quite a bit of breaches.
(Helmi-Leena:) What a surprise. – Fathi's time was 15 minutes 3 seconds —
and we stopped counting the breaches after the 50th time or so.
And Eija's result was...
a whopping 8 seconds.
Kalle, Helmi-Leena and Fathi, thanks for these performances.
We're yet to see how Pirjo Heikkilä managed with this.
And we'll see that after the break.
Welcome back to Taskmaster. Before the break, we saw —
how Kalle, Helmi-Leena, Eija and Fathi tried to keep a balloon in the air.
They were the kind of performances that make me not want to see a balloon for the next 6 months.
But luckily, we still have the performance of Pirjo Heikkilä left to watch.
And we'll see Pirjo's performance now.
Can I move now?
I can't think of anything else. Now I have to get on with it, but don't let go yet. Don't let go yet.
Okay. Let go.
Am I doing this right...?
Do you need anything from the shop?
I don't even need to run, actually. It stays airborne, doesn't it.
What if I just leave you to hold this, and —
we'll go back to the studio. – Yeah. – Thanks, Pirjo. – Thanks, Pilvi.
Pirjo, in sports terms: Do you feel like a winner?
Yes. But Pilvi is going to come up with something, isn't she. Something...
I mean, you only touched the balloon with one object. The balloon was airborne and in motion all the time.
Is there something I should know?
Think! – I'm not... going to say anything yet but —
do you think there is something you should know? – Pirjo, have you noticed that ingenuity comes in waves?
And you just caught one of those waves. – Yeah?
It was an all-round excellent performance. – Oh, everything was all right? – Everything was all right.
Um... What was Pirjo's result? – Pirjo's result was 10 minutes.
After which she terminated the performance, rather confident of her own victory. – Yay!
So for the points, Pirjo gets 5.
Kalle 3 points. And the others get none.
Oh. We got nothing. – You got nothing, they were so bad. Sorry, Fathi.
Sorry Fathi, the self-esteem is gone again.
(Jaakko:) How are the scores at the moment? – The one in the lead at the moment is... Pirjo. – Go Pirjo!
So let's head to the mansion to check out the next task.
Oh? Hello. – I see. Hi. I see, you've got the time running.
Pirjo. – Yeah? No touching? – I wouldn't open that if I were you. – Oh. Because...?
I see. – Afternoon. – Afternoon. – Kalle! – Yeah?
I wouldn't open that if I were you. – Oh?
Helmi-Leena. I wouldn't open that if I were you. – OK.
Two microwaves. Nyaaa!
And water jugs, or juice... Shall I open it?
I wouldn't open the letter if I were you.
Because something in the microwave will explode? What?
It's a really stressful situation, isn't it. I'm glad the clock isn't doing a countdown.
So... We've got a mystery letter in a room.
I wonder what was in it?
Nobody knows, but I wouldn't recommend opening it.
(Jaakko:) I see. So what do we do?
First, let's see what Helmi-Leena, Eija and Kalle did in this situation.
What do I have to do? – Trust me.
(Eija:) I'll trust you. (Pilvi:) Trust me. – Okay.
Alright.
And, if there's going to be a moral to the story, something like "never trust anyone", —
we'll talk in the studio.
It's a microwave. There's something in there.
I'm not gonna have a sip.
I just said, I wouldn't open it if I were you. – If... if you were me, but what if I were Eija Vilpas?
Then you said "trust me".
So I'll trust you, and I won't open it.
Can I just tap that?
(Helmi-Leena:) There you go. It's stopped now. Can I open the letter now?
Right. So if I'll just open it anyway? – I wouldn't open it if I were you.
It's gonna say "you should've trusted Pilvi".
Alright. That looked interesting.
Pilvi, what happened after that?
Yes. Before going back to these three —
we could have a look at how Pirjo and Fathi dealt with the situation. (Jaakko:) Right, let's watch that.
I'm not gonna trust you for more than 2 minutes. I'm opening it now.
(Pilvi:) I wouldn't open it if I were you.
"With your hands, keep both water jugs... Oh, I see. ...in the air above the microwaves —
for as long as possible. Best performance wins. The time started when you stepped into the room."
And here I am, born into the world again. Hello, Pilvi.
Hello, Fathi.
(Pilvi:) Fathi, I wouldn't open that if I were you.
Trust me.
(Pilvi:) I was just trying to help. – Yeah, you were. I should've trusted you.
"The time starts when you step into the room." Oh, fuck you.
Hold on to them? What does that mean?* – Time! [*Phrase referring to holding the jugs by the handles. A bit of an odd way to put it, because the verb used here sounds like holding something as to prevent departing, such as holding on to your hat when it's windy. Hence the confusion.]
Ahh!!!
It's so annoying, knowing that there's someone out there who's just hung out with you... and the timer, for 15 minutes.
(Pilvi:) Time! – Oh, touched it. Oops.
The mystery letter didn't seem to get solved and the speculation went on and on.
Indeed. So the objective, after opening the letter, was to keep a pair of water jugs above a pair of microwaves.
And the time spent not opening the letter was all clocked as a part of the performance.
(Jaakko:) Fathi... (Everyone laughs.)
Fathiii...
So it seemed to be more about following intuition rather than instructions, am I right?
First of all, I trust nobody.
Somehow it occurred to me that I was like, you know... When you, like, notice that your dog has something, like, edible in its mouth, and you're like, "what is it?"
And then it's like... "Don't"... And then I was like...
And then I just, like, tried to swallow, like, the information of the letter as quickly as possible.
Or rather, you didn't get the information. – No. – Right. So in a way, you swallowed nothing.* [*Figure of speech: to gulp out of fear or stress rather than to swallow something with the intent to consume.]
Yeah, kinda like that. – Pirjo, why didn't you believe Pilvi's instructions? [*Figure of speech: to gulp out of fear or stress rather than to swallow something with the intent to consume.]
Well, I guess I was somehow so excited about... What the forbidden thing was. I'm just somehow really...
(Jaakko:) Forbidden fruit. – Yeah! It was somehow quite titillating that someone tells you not to open something, and...
(Jaakko:) I know that feeling. – Yeah. So there was something exciting in there...
But it wasn't exciting was it, it was just... (blows a raspberry.) – What were the times of Pirjo and Fathi?
Pirjo's time was 3 minutes 36 seconds and Fathi's time was 31 seconds.
(Kalle:) Badass! – Woo!
Those were some great performances. And now I think we'll have to digest these for a little bit. Or maybe even more than just a little bit.
Let's go for a small break. We'll see the rest of the performances after that.
Welcome back. Before the break, we saw how Pirjo and Fathi —
tried to resist opening a mystery letter.
We still have the performances of Kalle, Helmi-Leena and Eija left.
And we'll see them all now.
Am I allowed to do this? – It would be the same thing as opening it.
Can't do anything thesedays, can you. So I can play with microwaves and Mehukatti jugs.* You know what this sounds like? [*Mehukatti = "Juice kitty", a popular brand of sweet concentrate juices sold in these jugs. Inexpensive drink for children's parties and such.]
My childhood. [*Mehukatti = "Juice kitty", a popular brand of sweet concentrate juices sold in these jugs. Inexpensive drink for children's parties and such.]
I wondered if this was the kind of competition, like, how long you can stay quiet.
That's why I'm gonna be quiet now, I'll wait.
I mean it smells just like...
I'm gonna press that. Alright, it started over. Can I open this now?
I wouldn't open it if I were you.
Maybe I'll just open it now because now I've stood here for almost 7 minutes. More than that.
Almost 8 minutes. And now it's opening. Opening!
Ha! "The time started when you stepped into the room!"
Gee, this was great, Pilvi. You helped me.
"With your hands, keep both water jugs in the air above the microwaves for as long as possible."
Oh, right, right, right, I see. So that much time has already elapsed. This is absolutely great news.
Time. They weren't above the microwaves.
Seriously?
And I can put some... Ow! (Pilvi:) Time!
Tell me, why does it have to be above the micro- (Pilvi:) Time!
Huh? – Time.
Helmi-Leena. – No!
(Jaakko:) That's not the way, you mean? – I had the keys to the victory. – Yeah...
(Pirjo:) But resetting the clock wasn't forbidden, was it? – Yeah but then the clock went... back to the beginning, and...
It wasn't interrupted for real, Pilvi has a backup clock, surely.
(Jaakko:) And if Pilvi doesn't, the production team do.
Which one do you think was cleverer: stopping the clock or emptying the jugs? – Ughh!
I mean, emptying the jugs was absolutely genius, wasn't it.
I was so satisfied, until I realised that I was the one to have ruined everything. – Kalle. – Yeah?
Um, you said there that as a child you had juice jugs and microwaves...
Yes. – ...that you played with. Would you like to tell us more?
So I was... I had an elder brother, an elder sister, everyone knows how much money goes into children, so —
there wasn't much left for me there except... "well, play with those."
And those were the things I could reach. Ding!
The microwave and the jugs. – Yeah. Indeed. The kilju* making family from Paimio.* [Kilju = Home made low-quality alcoholic beverage consumed mainly for the sake of its alcohol content. Illegal until 2018. Associated with low-income people or punk subculture.] [Paimio = Tiny town in Finland.]
Right, doesn't kilju brew a bit faster if you put it into the microwave...
Yeah, have you been to our place?
Eija. Some great speculation there. And...
Thank you, thank you. Thank you. – ...And then you wondered if this was a task where the objective was to be quiet. – Yeah.
But then you ended up not sticking to that idea... at all. – No, I did not.
I wonder what the reason to that might be.
I wonder what came over me, then.
What were the results, Pilvi?
Eija's time was 8 minutes 10 seconds.
— Oh wow, good for you, Eija!
Helmi-Leena's time was 8 minutes 15 seconds.
Or "was", if only she hadn't reset the clock. – Ughhhhh!
Helmi-Leena's final time was 3 minutes 56 seconds. (Pirjo:) Nooo... – No! And with the empty jugs!
And Kalle's time was —
20 minutes 44 seconds.
And, I mean... I opened the letter about 1 minute in, and then I just held the jugs for 19 mins.
This is how the story will be told in the future. – Yes.
"Did you see that kilju maker from Paimio hold those jugs..." – The son of the kilju maker. – Right.
So the points will be allocated exactly according to the mathematical formula.
So that... Kalle gets 5 points.
Eija 4 points, Pirjo 3, Helmi-Leena 2, and Fathi 1 point.
But dear friends, anything is still possible. We've still got some tasks left.
Let's get straight back to the mansion to check out the next task.
(Sighs.) Hello. – Hi.
(Door noise.) – What was that? Surely not a ghost?
It just takes so much time, this.
"Come up with a story of a ghost of the mansion and then be that ghost."
"You have 10 minutes."
"The most impressive performance wins." – "The time starts now."
So the objective was to come up with a story of a ghost of the mansion —
and then be that ghost.
The performance had to be as impressive as possible.
Yeah, back when I was thinking about this by the fireplace, at the time, it felt like a great task. Now I wouldn't be so sure anymore.
Who's first?
First, let's see what kind of ghostly performances Kalle and Pirjo had.
A ghost is always a dead person, isn't it? – Yes.
(Kalle:) Ghost stories, ghost stories...
I guess we're off to make some stuff then. – So could it be something like, a relative of taskmaster's, or...?
I'll go get some props and think at the same time.
This is never going to fit my head. Nope!
Some scary, mysterious thread. And...
I don't think these are going to fit. But maybe that's why the person is dead.
If I turn this on, it would actually sort of create a little something that flutters...
If I can come up with some ghost outfit.
Spot on. Spot on, don't even have to look for it.
There we go. The grand-grand-grandmaster's cape. [*Suurmestari literally translates to 'grandmaster'.]
Just a little bit of so-called lingonberry coming from the nose there... [*Lingonberry = Type of red berry native to arctic areas of the Northern hemisphere. Sour and cranberry-like, Kalle refers to a nosebleed looking like red lingonberry jam, an essential side to certain Scandinavian dishes.]
(Pilvi:) You have 28 seconds left.
So this is an ancestor of taskmaster's.
He works for TV2*, and then, in the 40s he noticed that people started watching, like, — [*TV2 = one of the national broadcasting company's channels]
MTV3*. And all the viewers moved over and started getting their fix of entertainment shows there. [*MTV3 = commercial channel, launched as its own channel in the 90s.]
And then, he was so sad and disappointed with his work —
that he ate too many Runeberg tortes* while sat on his couch, and he choked on them. And... [*Runeberg torte = Finnish pastry named after Johan Ludvig Runeberg, a Finnish poet who lived in the 1800s. Created by his wife, the tortes are widely sold and eaten in Finland around Runeberg's birthday.]
Now he's here haunting the mansion and he's very embittered. [*Runeberg torte = Finnish pastry named after Johan Ludvig Runeberg, a Finnish poet who lived in the 1800s. Created by his wife, the tortes are widely sold and eaten in Finland around Runeberg's birthday.]
To think that even his grand-grand-grand-grandchild went to work for that competing channel. [*Suurmestari is broadcasted on MTV3.]
(Kalle:) Oh, Pilvi... (Long, deathly breath.)
Pilvi, ooOOoo...
I bet you'd like to hear this story —
of Asbestos Anselmo.
A jack of all trades, who, in 1719 —
was invited to perform asbestos mapping here at the taskmaster's mansion.
He'd left the safety footwear home.
And as the foolish Asbestos Anselmo that he was, —
he climbed into the restroom's air duct —
with these flippers on. And he got stuck in there.
And died of starvation. But only after four months —
because he was able to eat this asbestos... um, fibre.
I see. – Once three seconds have passed, please open this door again so you'll see —
how Asbestos Anselmo has disappeared.
(Kalle:) You may open now.
And so, Kalle's ghost was indeed called Asbestos Anselmo, and —
Pirjo's ghost was grand-grand-grandmaster*. [*taskmaster]
(Jaakko:) Kalle. – Ehh... – If I were your therapist, I'd say this explains so much.
But what if you were my youth theatre director?
That would be quite "legit", wouldn't it. [*Using anglisms to mimic the way young people speak.]
That would be "fresh". Pirjo. – Yeah?
Was the only possible cause of death for my grand-grand-grandfather —
to choke on a Runeberg torte while sat on a couch?
And things like that tend to be hereditary dangers too, so I'd advise you to be careful, you know...
Pirjo, you do understand that this is fiction that you personally came up with, right?
Oh my. These were some really unforgettable ghost stories.
We still have those of Helmi-Leena, Eija and Fathi left but at this point, we have to take a break and catch our breath. See you soon.
Welcome back. Before the break, we saw what kind of ghosts of the mansion —
Kalle and Pirjo came up with.
They were, should I say, memorable. We're yet to see the stories of Helmi-Leena, Eija and Fathi.
(Pilvi:) And we will see them now.
Okay. Umm...
Let's go... I'll just go downstairs.
Okay. – Right, let me just get something.
My ghost's name could be... Körpö*. Körpö the ghost. Yeah. [*Körpö is not a name nor a word. It mostly seems to bear resemblance to the word 'kyrpä', a rather rude word for penis.]
Look, I need you. (Pilvi:) Oh? [*Körpö is not a name nor a word. It mostly seems to bear resemblance to the word 'kyrpä', a rather rude word for penis.]
I never like those, you know, standard ghosts, —
that white sheet with holes in it.
This already has a bit of a spooky vibe to it, doesn't it.
(Eija yells slowly:) Let me out!
Let me ooooooout!
Let me... Oh! I can feel the air flow!
That villainous fiend, my husband Klaus, locked me up in here 300 years ago!
Now I'm off to experience!
To experience what... if I could only see...! New world!
Ooh! Waste management has developed since my time!
Hi. My name is Veijo Körpö.* [*Veijo = real first name that usually belongs to an elderly man.] [*Körpö = nonsense surname that is mostly reminiscent of a rude word for penis.]
(Honks horn frantically.) [*Veijo = real first name that usually belongs to an elderly man.] [*Körpö = nonsense surname that is mostly reminiscent of a rude word for penis.]
Please. – Thank you.
And now. Marjatta. Your name is Marjatta. She gets a flashback of a bloody memory from her past. [*Marjatta = female name, sounds middle-aged to elderly.]
Grabs a knife... Hhhhhhhhhh...
Stabs Veijo in the chest! Uaaaaaagggggghhhhhh..... (Blows a raspberry.)
(Fathi, with a strange accent:) There's a note for Pilvi! Oooo...
"Ahven Ahti, Fathi of the mansion..." [*Ahven = Perch (fish) in Finnish] [*Ahti = In Finnish mythology, a sort of Viking merman king responsible for filling fishing nets with catch, if favourable.] [*Fathi pronounces his name more literally, to force a better rhyme.]
(With a strange accent:) It was an ever so tranquil night — [*Ahven = Perch (fish) in Finnish] [*Ahti = In Finnish mythology, a sort of Viking merman king responsible for filling fishing nets with catch, if favourable.] [*Fathi pronounces his name more literally, to force a better rhyme.]
and I decided to go fishing because I'm Fathi the fisherman.
But on the fishing trip, something terrible happened.
I drank a staggering amount of mooonshine —
and fell into my own fishing net.
(Pilvi:) Oh dear. – Drowning was imminent —
until someone pulled me out of the water.
And I didn't die!
But how I really died was when I was unemployed —
eight years after that. You know, it was the complications from herpes.
It had gotten really bad, the infection persisted and I was living in a tent village in the outskirts of Helsinki.
This happened a long time ago. Two thousand and fiiiive!
Oh my. Fathi. I watched that for a while —
and then I closed my eyes. I was convinced that I was listening to a piece of radio theater there.
(Dramatically:) Yes! (Dramatically:) It was a dark night, and... (Dramatically:) And I had urinated into my pants!
Eija. (Eija:) What? – This....
This... Mm. Almost missed a beat there as I was thinking about this, so um...
First of all, great sideways movement. – Wasn't it?
(Jaakko:) Now I started sounding just like Jukka Haapalainen.* [*Professional ballroom dancer. For over a decade, a judge in Finnish TV show based on Strictly Come Dancing.]
When you did this, but then... (Eija:) The heel step was great. – The heel step was great, and then came the toes, but um... – Yeah. [*Professional ballroom dancer. For over a decade, a judge in Finnish TV show based on Strictly Come Dancing.]
I mean, if your ghost is astonished by waste management... As much as she did, —
what do you reckon she would think of something like, Tiktok?
I'm sure she would very much make a fuss about it, and...
But she went off to her freedom now, didn't she. We don't know where she is.
She could appear somewhere again, like in Aura*, for example! [*Aura = Tiny place next to Turku which is one of the largest cities. Turku famously has a castle, an old town, and therefore a general spirit fit for ghost stories.]
Surely not? – Well, Kalle lost his sleep now.* – Yeah. [*Because Kalle lives in the Turku region. The river passing through Turku is called Aura river.]
So. Helmi-Leena. – Yeah?
The ghost was called Veijo Körbä. Körbö? Körbe? What was it? [*The rude word it resembles is 'kyrpä'.]
Körbö. – Kö... – Yeah. – Körbö.
Where does the name come from? – Umm, it was the first word that came to my mind.
Can you at all recall what the day was like, when the filming of that task took place?
– Yeah, I... – I mean, if 'Körbö' is the first one to come to mind.
I um, let's not ask more questions. I bet most of your energy was spent on coming up with that name, so um...
The actual story was left a bit thin after that. Oh my word.
Kalle and Pirjo get 5 points. – There we go! Woo! – Yay! High five!
And you others get 3 points.
Surely they were entertaining and fun stories though, weren't they.
Maybe not that scary, but... Or, sure, Pirjo, the Runeberg torte did make me a bit pensive. – Indeed.
Pilvi, what's the overall situation? Who's in the lead? – On the scoreboard, the one in the lead at the moment is...
Pirjo.
(Jaakko:) Pirjo! We're all just as surprised as you are.
I know! Where do these... Oh right, it's because they're arbitrary. Right, that's why.
But, everyone else, you still have a genuine chance to beat Pirjo's current score —
because it's time for the final task! Get ready.
Pilvi, what's the final task?
The final task requires force and accuracy.
Helmi-Leena, read the task aloud, please.
"Throw the pike and knock over as many —
of the other contestants' pins as possible.
If you knock over your own pin or the taskmaster's pin, your score is zero. – Ah!
The best score wins." [*The task is based on a Finnish outdoor game called mölkky. Suitable for people of all ages, mölkky is a common activity during garden parties, summer camps, and summer cottage stays. Standing pins would have numbers 1-12 and be placed into a tight group. A throwing pin is used to knock over the numbered pins in specific ways. Pike is a significant fish in Finnish mythology and folk tradition.]
The pins are in the same order as your chairs were. On the first round, everyone gets two throws. [*The task is based on a Finnish outdoor game called mölkky. Suitable for people of all ages, mölkky is a common activity during garden parties, summer camps, and summer cottage stays. Standing pins would have numbers 1-12 and be placed into a tight group. A throwing pin is used to knock over the numbered pins in specific ways. Pike is a significant fish in Finnish mythology and folk tradition.]
Any questions? – No! [*The task is based on a Finnish outdoor game called mölkky. Suitable for people of all ages, mölkky is a common activity during garden parties, summer camps, and summer cottage stays. Standing pins would have numbers 1-12 and be placed into a tight group. A throwing pin is used to knock over the numbered pins in specific ways. Pike is a significant fish in Finnish mythology and folk tradition.]
Let's get started! (Kalle:) Okay.
Who's throwing first? – Kalle throws first.
Kalle throws first, huh? – Pirjo throws first, that's what I said.
(Pirjo:) Oh? (Kalle:) Oh? I see. – Pirjo, please go ahead and throw.
(Pirjo:) Nooo... (Fathi:) Two throws! Come back here and sit.
Oh right, I see. Oh, two, one after another, okay. – Yeah.
– Ahh. – Yaaay!
Fathi, go ahead. (Eija:) Like throwing darts.
(Pirjo:) No cigar. – It just started swimming around on its own!
Fathi, you still have another throw. – Yeah, I know.
(Helmi-Leena:) How?
(Kalle:) Owww...
Eija, please go ahead. (Pirjo:) Make sure you warm up before throwing.
(Kalle:) Careful not to sprain anything. (Pirjo:) Yeah. – Ooh!
You still have another go, Eija. – I know. (Helmi-Leena:) Oh yeah, queen!
This is the sport of kellokoskians.* (Kalle:) I know, right! [*Kellokoski = a small village where Eija lives. Summer cottages are located outside of big cities and people living in small villages would easily have gardens, making the idea of playing mölkky somewhere like Kellokoski very plausible.]
(Everyone:) Owwww!
(Eija:) Darn.
Helmi-Leena, please go ahead and throw.
Fffu...! – Oh!
No!
(Kalle:) Now this is exciting. – Just one!
And the last one, Kalle. (Eija:) ...won't make it to the second round. Ah, not in that case.
(Everyone:) Oooh!
Everyone else got ones and zeros, didn't they? – Yeah.
It's time for the final round. The people who made it to the final round were Pirjo, Helmi-Leena and Kalle.
(Eija:) Good for you! – Yay!
And let's start in the reverse order. The first one to throw is Kalle.
Everyone has one throw. – Gotcha. (Eija:) Oh, just one throw.
Oh! I'm panicking now. (Pirjo:) Kalle... I don't think you can do it... – Wait. Hop!
The next one to throw is Helmi-Leena. (Pirjo:) Right, okay.
No! (Kalle:) Oooh!
(Pirjo and Kalle, like they don't mean it:) Oh no! Oh dear oh dear! Shame, shame, such a shame.
(Helmi-Leena:) It got away rather slickly. – It's high hopes now, Pirjo.
Come on now, old* pike thrower! (*Old, as in experienced.)
Nooooo!
(Kalle:) COME ON!
Dear friends. As we can see, it's not easy throwing a pike, —
so I suggest that everyone obtains one and practices pike throwing back at home.
Kalle won the final task, 5 points for that. – Thank you.
Helmi-Leena and Pirjo 2 points, and Fathi and Eija, no points at all.
Now then, it's time for the most important question. Pilvi?
My friend, who won tonight's contest?
After all the tasks, the one who managed to accumulate the highest score was...
Kalle.
(Jaakko:) Kalle, please go and enjoy the prizes that you've won! Thank you, Helmi-Leena, thank you contestants.
Thank you viewers at home. This was Taskmaster.