Oh, snap!
(Crow-like noise.)
(Strange noises.)
(High-pitched noises.)
Good evening, I am Jaakko Saariluoma and this is Taskmaster.
Welcome to the season four grand finale.
This is the final episode, and by the end, we'll know which one of our comics —
has been able to use their resourcefulness, skill, and maybe a little bit of luck —
to go down in history and get this extremely coveted golden Taskmaster trophy!
Welcome!
Our regular contestants are Eija Vilpas, — [Actress, screenwriter, drama teacher]
Kalle Lamberg, [Comedian, actor, art director of a theater]
Fathi Ahmed, — [Comedian]
Pirjo Heikkilä, — [Comedian, actress, screenwriter]
and in this final episode, competing with them in his own right —
is the standup comedian Ali Jahangiri!
Thank you! Thank you, thank you.
And here next to me is the glue that keeps the show together, —
she's a Swiss watch and a Swiss knife in one package.
She's the show's official referee Pilvi Hämäläinen. (Eija:) Go, Pilvi!
Pilvi, how are you feeling about the upcoming finale?
Still as my face might appear, inside of me boils great excitement —
because today, the performances will absolutely be...
in a league of their own. (Laughter.)
Well, we'll see if it'll be a masters league or something completely different.
Anyway. To start, let's find out what we'll be competing for tonight —
and as usual, the first round of points is up for grabs. Pilvi, could you remind us of what this is about.
The show's prizes consist of the contestants' personal property.
This time, you asked them to bring in the most taskmasterly thing that starts with a K. [*Note: The letter K is much more common in Finnish than it is in English.]
Oh yeah, that was it! Oh my, sometimes my own ingenuity is almost confusing.
What have they brought in? – Let's start with Pirjo.
To Pirjo, the most taskmasterly thing starting with K is a cactus* that she's owned for a long time. [*Finnish: 'kaktus'.]
And why is that? Well, because "no matter how bad the shape it appears to be in, somehow it keeps on staying alive."
Fathi brought in a kantele.* [*Kantele = Traditional Finnish plucked box zither instrument.]
According to him, "the taskmaster is like Väinämöinen*, because" — [*Väinämöinen = Old wise man, central character in Finnish folklore. As the main character of the national epic, Kalevala, Väinämöinen is a hero, a demigod, and a singing kantele player. Said to have inspired some Tolkien characters, such as Gandalf.]
in Fathi's own words, "taskmaster is also a mystical figure who sits surrounded by idiots." [*Väinämöinen = Old wise man, central character in Finnish folklore. As the main character of the national epic, Kalevala, Väinämöinen is a hero, a demigod, and a singing kantele player. Said to have inspired some Tolkien characters, such as Gandalf.]
(Jaakko:) Well that is true. – Kalle has brought a key to a house — [*Finnish: 'kotiavain'. Literally 'home key'.]
which is an exact copy of the key to the taskmaster's house. [*Finnish: 'kotiavain'. Literally 'home key'.]
And Ali has brought in the taskmaster's watch, the obtaining of which – according to him — was made much easier thanks to a key borrowed from Kalle.
(Pilvi:) And... (Everyone laughing.)
Lastly, Eija, who brought in some long underwear, in other words, long johns. [*Finnish: 'kalsarit'.]
(Laughter.)
Eija... Eija, could you just explain how long johns are the best thing to portray the taskmaster?
Well, the shape. First of all, the shape...
And if you look at it, compare the legs... the pant legs to yours, um —
they do bear a resemblance. But first and foremost, they're very practical —
as the taskmaster is tremendously well off and of course he's always traveling with a private jet, a jet plane.
And they're incredibly cold and draughty, aren't they.
In one of those, long johns such as these really do come in handy. (Ali:) Um, Eija...
No offense but the private jets I've traveled with, they've all had heating.
I really don't know where you've been but we usually keep the windows closed up there.
But well, this was a practical... – This was a practical. Okay.
Um... You had to bring in the most taskmasterly —
thing starting with a K. And um...
Uh... Even if you didn't care for the description, the best description of the taskmaster came from Pirjo. 5 points. (Eija:) Yeah!
(Ali:) Go, Pirjo!
Fathi, 4 points. In particular, for the perceptive observation of being surrounded by idiots.
And by thieves!
Eija 3 points, and Ali and Kalle 2 points each. (Eija:) There you go.
(Ali:) Excellent. (Kalle:) That's 4 in total. (Ali:) That is 4 in total.
However. To Ali, for borrowing Kalle's key, that stroke of genius earns you 1 extra point. (Everyone:) Yay!
(Kalle:) You're welcome.
And so the first round of points have been given. Dear friends, let's go to the mansion to check out the first task!
Howdy, howdy! Howdy, howdy hoo!
"Build a birdhouse as quietly as possible.
You may not exceed the noise level of 70 dB while building the birdhouse." [*70 dB = equivalent to washing machine, dishwasher noise]
"If you exceed 70 decibels, you'll have to imitate a bird call — [*70 dB = equivalent to washing machine, dishwasher noise]
and name the bird whose call you imitated."
"You may only imitate each bird call once during the task.
Fastest wins." – "The time starts now."
So the objective was to build a birdhouse —
without exceeding the noise level of 70 decibels.
If the noise level was exceeded, they had to imitate a bird call —
and name the bird whose call they were imitating.
They were only allowed to imitate each bird once.
Well this is a very interesting task isn't it, because we have a guest contestant who's always above 70 decibels, so...
(Kalle:) Even when he's asleep! (Ali:) Are you talking about me?
(Jaakko:) You're the only guest contestant here. Whose performance are we going to watch first?
First, let's see how the birdhouse building went for Eija, Fathi and Kalle.
Okay, so is there a decibel meter somewhere?
Can I test, just test once...? – Nope.
I can't nail!
Did the laughter already exceed the decibel limit? Ehhh...!!
(Pilvi tries to clear throat discreetly, ends up weird.) (Kalle, mouthing:) Be fucking...
Which way around? – Exceeding.
(Like an sustained crow call.)
Seagull.
(Kalle cracking up.)
Exceeding.
(Crow cawing.)
Crow.
Exceeding.
This is umm... a crow.
(Throaty cooing sounds.) – (Gagging noises.) Uh... Magpie.
Exceeding. – TITITYY!* [*Literal transliteration of a very common bird call: What English 'cock-a-doodle-doo' is for cockerel, Finnish 'titityy' is for great tit.]
Song... So... Songbird. [*Literal transliteration of a very common bird call: What English 'cock-a-doodle-doo' is for cockerel, Finnish 'titityy' is for great tit.]
(Angry mumbling and grumbling.)
Swan. [*Note: A whooper swan is a symbol of Finland. Its trumpeting call should definitely be familiar to all Finns, yet...]
Exceeding. (Fathi screams like a stock sound effect.)
A phoenix.* [*Of mythology.]
The great spotted woodpecker!* [*The common woodpecker in Finland.]
(High-pitched:) Eee, ee, ee, ee, eeee... – White-backed woodpecker...* [*Real species, endangered in Finland.]
...working that dead pine tree.
And following it is also a willow grouse that smashes against the same tree.
Ow! Ow! Oo! Ow! Ow! Oh...
(Kalle:) Finished. (Fathi:) Finished.
There. So, it's like a...
...flat pack version.
(Pilvi:) Thank you very much.
(Jaakko:) Eija, a flat pack birdhouse? (Eija:) A flat pack version!
(Jaakko:) Could you elaborate? (Eija:) Well it's handy because it's... First of all, it's really easy to move with.
When the bird wants to. A migratory bird [*Literally: 'a moving bird'] could for example take it with. Attach it to a rope, like so, —
and then, fly... and the home would be easy... easy to assemble wherever you're going.
And if the countryside is where you want to go, you won't need to have a separate summer cottage for birds, and...
(Jaakko:) I just realised that it was a mistake to ask about it.
(Jaakko:) Oh my word. So, the swan call... (Eija:) Yes?
(Eija:) It was precise. (Jaakko:) Would it be possible to hear it again?
(Retching sound.) ...
(Jaakko:) That was Kalle Lamberg! (Kalle:) Yeah!
(Kalle:) The spoon went a bit too deep. (Eija:) Yeah. I'll try that again.
(Bizarre grumpy mumbling.) (Ali:) What Christmas party has that swan been to?!
(Eija:) No, it's... you can check from a nature documentary.
What were their times like?
Fathi's time was 11 minutes and 40 seconds.
Kalle's time: 6 minutes 30 seconds.
Eija's time was 5 minutes and 47 seconds but the birdhouse was a so-called flat pack version.
So those were the performances of Kalle, Eija and Fathi.
We'll go for a break now. After the break, we'll see whether or not it's possible to come up with new bird species. See you soon.
Welcome back to the grand finale of Taskmaster!
Before the advert break, we saw how Fathi, Kalle and Eija tried to build a birdhouse as silently as possible.
We're yet to see how Ali and Pirjo managed that.
And that's what we'll get to watch right now.
Don't bring the decibel meter so close.
(Whispering:) Shh, kids, look. This is how you can silently build one of these at home, too.
Exceeding.
(High-pitched nonsense:) Kukku-kikkaa-kukkuuuu-kii-kiii-kaa-kuu...
It's not going in.
It's called (screaming in panic:) HAKUNILA*... RYE LOAF! A VERY LOUD... BIRD! [*Hakunila = District in the rather distant Helsinki metropolitan area. A reputation of having lots of immigrants.]
WHOSE, EEEH... SPOKEN LANGUAGE ISN'T COMING TO AN END JUST YET! – Exceeding.
Exceeding.
(Soft cooing.) Pigeon.
CHIMPANZEE BIRD! (Pirjo:) Whoops.
(Pilvi:) Exceeding. (Pirjo:) (High-pitched trill.) Wood Siberian jay. [*PAUSE: Siberian jay is a real bird found in Finnish Lapland. It would've been just one Finnish word but Pirjo added the unnecessary 'wood' in the beginning just in case. Not a thing!]
THIS BIRD IS CALLED... EEH... THE LAUGHING SAUSAGELET!* [*PAUSE: 'Laughing sausages' is a dish found from children's restaurant menus. Heat causes the ends to split, which looks like an grin.]
AND IT VOCALISES LIKE THIS: (Melodically:) SAUSAGELEEEEEET!
(High-pitched calls.) – THE BATTERING AMAZONIAN!
(Strangled "coo, coo, coo".) The tufted... Lapland... Jack.* [*'Jaska', a casual informal name for 'Jaakko'.]
(Ali shouting in panic:) THIS ISN'T WORKING OUT AT ALL!
(Excited cooing.) Rrrrr.... Ryyspä. Ryyspä! [*Not a real thing. But it does actually have the appearance of the kind of Finnish bird names that as words don't mean anything else, and which have clearly been invented to onomatopoetically describe the rough and raspy call of a given bird species.]
(Quiet sad whining.) Dog. [*Not a real thing. But it does actually have the appearance of the kind of Finnish bird names that as words don't mean anything else, and which have clearly been invented to onomatopoetically describe the rough and raspy call of a given bird species.]
Exceeding, exceeding! (High-pitched noises like trying very hard to contain excitement.)
Sea...gull chick.
(Explosive high-pitched trills.) African... elephant.
This one cuckoos as well. Ouchbird! And this is how it goes: OW, nno!
Flycatcher*. Finished. [*Old world flycatchers = Name of a large family of small birds.]
(Pilvi:) Time. (Ali:) The first birdhouse I've made. [*Old world flycatchers = Name of a large family of small birds.]
Ali, was that the first birdhouse that you ever built?
I mean, I live in one of those!
But have you built it yourself? – No.
I've always wondered who the people are who have the energy to keep making those.
Now apparently I'm one of them. (Jaakko:) Well, here we have five of them now. (Ali:) Five!
(Jaakko:) Pirjo. (Pirjo:) Hmm? (Jaakko:) ryyspä? [*the real-sounding fake bird]
(Jaakko:) What kind of bird, and what... You were miming the shape of its tuft something like this... (Pirjo:) Yeah, it is like this, the... tuft on the ryyspä, and... (Jaakko: ) Yeah... Where...?
(Pirjo:) Ryyspäs are mostly met in North Karelia* so now there's... The bird population is a bit... [*Karelia = (historical) land of the Karelian peoples, covering vast areas on both sides of the Finnish-Russian border.]
(Kalle:) Can be confirmed. (Pirjo:) Can be confirmed. (Ali:) Ah, right. (Jaakko:) Right, I see. So ryyspäs are, like, North Karelian birds?
(Pirjo:) They're North Karelian birds, yeah. (Jaakko:) Fine. Pilvi, what were their times?
Ali's time was 15 minutes 47 seconds.
And Pirjo really wasn't in a hurry: Her time was 21 minutes and 46 seconds.
The scores will be determined by the time, —
how many mistakes you made with the birds, and what the finished birdhouse was like.
(Jaakko:) I was looking your way on purpose, Eija. (Eija:) I noticed that. I noticed the piercing look. (Jaakko:) Yeah.
(Jaakko:) And Kalle, 5 points. (Ali:) Oooh! Go, Kalle!
Pirjo, 4 points.
Fathi and Eija 3 points and Ali 2 points. (Ali:) Oh, thank you.
(Eija:) Oh, we're such pros aren't we. (Ali:) Thank you for your generosity, taskmaster.
You're welcome. And for that humility, I'll give Ali 1 more extra point.
Thank you. Thank you.
(Fathi:) A humble immigrant. (Ali:) A humble immigrant! [*PAUSE: The word Fathi uses for an immigrant is a slang word, a portmanteau of "country + mover", which together make up the common Finnish word immigrant. While the portmanteau term isn't unambiguously racist as it's based on perfectly neutral words, it is mostly used by people who don't like immigrants.]
(Jaakko:) You don't see a lot of those, do you. (Kalle:) Don't say a joke that no one else can say!* [*When immigrants use the word amongst themselves, it's similar to how only a gay person could call another gay person 'fag': no derogatory intent.]
How's the scoreboard?
The one in the lead the moment is...
Yeah, it is. Pirjo. (Eija:) Ooh, go, Pirjo!
(Jaakko:) And, Pirjo. You don't necessarily have to worry about getting... that you'd have to think of a place for it.
There's still plenty of unallocated points, and now, we'll head to the mansion to check out the next task.
"Throw a dart at the map of Finland." – "Make an advert of the place where the dart lands."
"The advert must contain a mention of a local landmark..."
"...a local delicacy, and of a surprising characteristic feature.
You have 15 minutes." – "The time starts now."
So the objective was to make an advert of the place where the dart that they threw landed on the map.
The advert had to contain a mention of a local landmark, —
a local delicacy, and a surprising characteristic feature.
(Jaakko:) So what happens next? (Pilvi:) First, let's see how everyone prepared for their adverts.
Great.
Oh wow, hit on the first try!
Muhos. [*Population: under 9,000 people (in 2020)]
Oh, snap! Kajaani. [*Population: 36,500 people (in 2020)]
Haapajärvi. [*Population: under 7,000 people (in 2020)]
Närpiö. [*Population: 9,500 people (in 2020)]
No, no, no, it's never going to hit.
Yeaah! Woo!
I'd say that's more like Ylitornio. [*Population: under 4,000 people (in 2020)]
Every town in Finland is like, "ha, welcome to summer city!"
So for Kajaani, for the first time we'll make, like, an honest winter city advert. [*Kajaani is considered a Northern town.]
8,900 people...
I think we could go somewhere near the water. – What does a Haapajärviän person look like?
Barley rieska*. Yes. [*Rieska = Traditional Finnish flat bread]
Yeaaah, this is what we'll do, this is gonna be so good!
This advert, I don't want it to be, like, a video. I'd like it to be more about... stills, and then my voiceover in the background.
How do I turn this all the way up?
As people from Närpiö, we want... They claim that Kristinestad (town) next to it is nice, so —
we'll throw some shade their way. – And the hat of Haapajärvi!
We're making Kajaani... This is Kajaani hot pot!
Yeah, the stonewall! Let's take one photo by the stonewall. A stonewall is always great.
Uhh... So it would look like we have the idea that, like, we like to keep our borders closed.
This way now... – Miss Muhos, yeah. Didn't it have to be some kind of... This is alright. This will do.
Vuokatti (ski resort village) is nearby, right? Isn't it? It's like, a cat that has been put into a casserole, way back when. (Pilvi:) Right. (Ali:) Yeah. [*Language pun: 'Vuokatti' happens to contain the words 'vuoka' (casserole) and 'katti' (slang: cat) if you don't mind the words overlapping in the middle.]
(Pirjo:) How much time? (Pilvi:) 15 seconds. [*Language pun: 'Vuokatti' happens to contain the words 'vuoka' (casserole) and 'katti' (slang: cat) if you don't mind the words overlapping in the middle.]
I'm ready, I'd say we can start filming. (Ali:) We're gonna film this!
Listen carefully, guys. You there, cameraman!
Are you following? Are you? Just a nice angle, and then start following from there. I want you to start by panning from the image where we can see this great, great leader.
What could be more in the spirit of Närpiö than having your feet in the water?
I'll just... just say some things related to Närpiö now... And for the first photographs...
Brilliant! So we can look forward to some cooking, fishing, and folk traditions.
Well, you summed it up.
(Jaakko:) I can hardly wait. Who's first? (Pilvi:) Let's start with Pirjo. (Pirjo:) Uh-oh.
Hi! Are you also dreaming of living in a town —
that loves, and lives, and breathes?
Muhos, a town by the Oulu river, has 9 000 inhabitants, —
lives for fishing, and loves baking.
If your dream is to come to a lively town —
where religion, home country and... [*Ostrobothnia (region) has a reputation of having a lot of conservative religious family lines.]
...rieska [*Finnish flat bread] dough are close to heart, welcome to Muhos.
I've been aware of the existence of Muhos, but that painted a different picture of it...
Pirjo, are you sure that their delicacy is specifically, rieska (flat bread) DOUGH?
Well, I guess I didn't quite get to finish it. But that's Pilvi's fault because she was supposed to stay and keep an eye on the dough.
(Jaakko:) But the advert itself wasn't in any way unfinished? (Pirjo:) No, I think it did encompass the very essence of Muhos.
(Jaakko:) Right. To live and breathe. (Pirjo:) To live and breathe. I'm under the impression that people do live in breathe there, yes.
Thank you. Oh my. Who's the next one?
Next, let's watch Eija's advert.
(Eija:) A travel advert, right?
(In an easygoing and excitable sounding dialect associated with older people from rural areas:) Very friendly greetings from Ylitornio!
(With dialect:) We're up here, and I wholeheartedly welcome you to our locality!
Listen, it's so wonderful here!
We even have this terrific symbol, um, symbol of the locality, these terrific rapids, —
(sounding like a lot of grannies:) ...and when you look at them flow, oh, how dizzy you feel! How memorable the experience you get!
Oh people, you just come and see!
As a special delicacy we have this thing called 'votkuli'*. And so, in it, we put reindeer meat, and — [*PAUSE: Not a real thing or a real word. Sounds a lot like old words that either describe substances repurposed from agricultural waste byproducts, or foods made of things that would've been available to modest people in the olden days, but which people today would find unacceptable for a meal. To a Finn, the word sounds like some sticky, greasy mash made out of undisclosed ingredients. Online, some have used 'votkuli' as a playfully twisted pet name for 'vodka' though.]
...and raisins and lingonberries* and — [*= Northern, cranberry-like berry traditionally paired with reindeer dishes or Swedish meatballs.]
and when we mix it up real good and let it bake in the oven for several days — [*= Northern, cranberry-like berry traditionally paired with reindeer dishes or Swedish meatballs.]
it's so delicious!
And, listen, we also have this special feature here that, —
in the summer, it's always bright so we don't sleep at all, we just look at the sun! [*PAUSE: The top half of Finland is within the Arctic circle. Starting from the border of the the Arctic circle, the further North you go, the longer the period in the summer when the sun doesn't set at all. Conversely, in the winter, the sun won't rise at all. Depending on the latitude, in Finland these midnight sun and polar night periods last from 2 to 51 days.]
So come here and stay up, eat some votkuli and —
raft in the rapids! Welcome to Ylitornio!
Eija. Eija, thank you, you simultaneously took me to both, Ylitornio as well as a journey in time.
So uh... Why had they... They hired, like, a Karelian character? [*Referring to the dialect. Ylitornio is in Western Lapland while Karelia is the region in the East, Finnish-Russian border.]
(Ali:) Yeah, what's what I was thinking! (Jaakko:) ...to do this? (Eija:) That's a really good question. [*Referring to the dialect. Ylitornio is in Western Lapland while Karelia is the region in the East, Finnish-Russian border.]
(Eija:) But you see, I realised, I can't... (Jaakko:) I know I'm gonna get an answer to this, let me just make sure I'm sitting comfortably. (Eija:) Yeah.
(Eija mimicking the Northern dialect whose distinguishable characteristic is the addition of H sounds in the middle of words:) ...But there's nothing Tornioan that I could say, uh... in dialect.
where all over the place, they put that "notHHing".
Do you know, if you had to speak in Ylitornio dialect, what would be the word where a Southern guy always gets it right? The H, I mean.
(Eija:) What? (Jaakko:) It's 'Mynthon'.* (Eija:) Oh, haha! [*Mynthon = most well known lozenge brand. Finnish doesn't have the tongue-between-teeth 'th' sound, so in 'Mynthon', the H is often completely omitted: 'myntton'. Or, if someone happens to pronounce it as literally as normal Finnish language is read out, 'mynt-hon' puts a strong emphasis on the H in the middle of the word, just like in Northern dialects.]
(Jaakko:) The H always lands into the right place. [*Mynthon = most well known lozenge brand. Finnish doesn't have the tongue-between-teeth 'th' sound, so in 'Mynthon', the H is often completely omitted: 'myntton'. Or, if someone happens to pronounce it as literally as normal Finnish language is read out, 'mynt-hon' puts a strong emphasis on the H in the middle of the word, just like in Northern dialects.]
Thank you Eija and Pirjo, for these travel adverts.
Wow. Such is the pace in this final episode —
that we haven't yet seen what Kalle, Ali and Fathi have done, but at this point we'll go for a little break.
Welcome back to the final episode of Taskmaster!
Before the break, we saw what kind of town adverts Pirjo and Eija had created.
And we're yet to see the town adverts of Kalle, Ali and Fathi.
And now, we'll see what Fathi ended up doing.
Närpiö. The beautiful town by the sea.
Here, between the trashy Kristinestad (town) and Vaasa (city), which is biowaste.
(Splashy sounds.)
Here in Närpiö, we tend to stick to the principle —
that traveling only, only happens within the borders.* [*He actually says "within the inhabitants" which sounds like he probably got confused and meant geography instead.]
We don't want other people in here. That's why here, we have this... fence.
Don't come in here.
This splashing of the water... Is a symbol of the sea —
that bears our traditional food: Escaping duck.
Närpiö — a lovely place – for us. And not for others.
Fathi... Fathi, your slogan was "Närpiö — A lovely place for us, and not for others".
(Jaakko:) Where did you get the idea from? (Fathi:) Well I mean, I feel like... like it's always, somehow I have that attitude towards pretty much everything, really.
I like sitting in trains without having someone sit next to me.
I like going to Närpiö without having someone follow me there.
And I like winning this show so that everyone else loses.
Fathi, I've never seen you as relaxed as you were in that video, just splashing the water with your feet.
(Jaakko:) How did that feel? (Fathi:) Well it just sort of felt like: ahh, how lovely to be on a beach where no one's gonna chase you off!
Oh my word. Thanks for that, Fathi.
Who's next?
(Pilvi:) Next, let's watch Ali's town advert. (Ali:) No, let's not... It's just awful...
Hi. If that picture there creeped you out just now, —
I swear nothing's gonna be worse than what's waiting for you in Kajaani. Just, look at this.
This is our signature dish. It's Kajaani hot pot.
If you're wondering what you could do in Kajaani, you could just come there —
and do what so many top athletes have done: become an alcoholic.
If you're wondering what happens after that —
you can go to Vuokatti (ski resort village), —
a place where back in the day, a cat was put into a small casserole. [*'Vuokatti' happens to contain the words 'casserole' and 'cat' but only if the words are allowed to overlap.]
and then it was put onto the ground, some top athlete tripped over it, — [*'Vuokatti' happens to contain the words 'casserole' and 'cat' but only if the words are allowed to overlap.]
and over time, more and more people tripped, and now there's a huge, huge, massive —
place called Vuokatti, where you can go downhill skiing!
Oh yes. If you're thinking about it: Kajaani, —
a place where you don't want to die —
but where you don't want to live either.
Ali, "a place where you don't want to die but where you don't want to live either."?
You said that you'd do one of those winter town adverts, so where was that part in this?
(Ali:) I just realised, I think I may have lost that thread at some point. (Jaakko:) You don't say? (Kalle:) Oh really? (Ali:) Just lost it at some point.
(Jaakko:) And now. Who's left? (Pilvi:) We still have Kalle's town advert left. Should we watch it right away then.
Is it rolling? (Leaves rustling.) Hello there, dear viewer.
I am Reijo Haapajärvi, the current mayor of Haapajärvi. [*First name sounds like a Finnish man over 55.]
Welcome to a sightseeing and culinary trip into the lively town of Haapajärvi.
Follow me. [NOTE: 'Haapajärvi' literally means 'aspen lake'...]
Here in Haapajärvi, we have a thousand and one different things to see.
That is, a thousand different kinds of aspen, and one lake.
But out of these, perhaps the most famous one is this, Haapajärvi's first wound... First aspen... [*He means to say 'haapa' = aspen, but on the first time, accidentally says 'haava' = wound.]
...tree... stump.
...which, annually, more than six people come to see.
A special feature here in Haapajärvi is that we don't have a single road covered in asphalt —
even though there's more than a hundred of us roadworks men in here. That is, one in two men in Haapajärvi is one.
And here, in the Haapajärvi town hall that also offers the premises to a comprehensive school —
and a bakery run by a Women's Association. You could for example come and see some paintings —
or enjoy Haapajärvian traditional cuisine: Fresh dog milk and twig pulla.* [*Dog milk: never a thing in Finland.] [*Pulla = Semi-sweet cardamom and wheat bun.] [*Twig: Here an aspen pun, but historically, at times of famine, ground-up tree parts have been used to compensate for flour etc.]
If you don't mind a little bit of fighting with Pyhähäjärvians* or the occasional lack of electricity, — [*Pyhäjärvi = An even smaller town next to Haapajärvi. 5,000 people.]
you're welcome to our growing town.
It's growing very slowly, but, growing.
To Haapajärvi.
(Fathi:) So great, so great. (Kalle:) Yeah.
(Kalle:) Yeaaah alright, thank you.
(Kalle:) Not going though !
(Jaakko:) Kalle, Kalle, um... Was Reijo... that's what he was called, wasn't he? (Kalle:) Yeah?
(Jaakko:) So, was he like, "a bare-footed Haapajärvian"?* (Kalle:) Yes! Well spotted! [*'Bare-footed' = idiom, meaning someone who was born in a given place and usually still lives there. A baby is born without any shoes on.]
I was thinking of scoring these as follows: [*'Bare-footed' = idiom, meaning someone who was born in a given place and usually still lives there. A baby is born without any shoes on.]
There's really no other way to go about this as all the competitors also gave a standing ovation, so the 5 points go to Kalle.
Pirjo 4 points, Fathi 3 points, —
Eija 2 and Ali gets 1 point.
Thank you. Thank you, taskmaster.
I'm grateful even for the one point, everything I get.
(Jaakko:) And let's give Ali one plus (point).
Oh... d'oh!
(Ali:) I'm getting there! If not by any other means, by sucking up! (Kalle:) There's no wonder you've been a K shopkeeper*, you can really... [*K stands for Kesko, a nationwide retailing corporation that owns various chain stores. Their grocery stores are called "K shops".]
(Fathi:) And you, you really are... a bit of a... (Jaakko:) You're not getting "plus points"* for this. [*"Plus points" are a loyalty point system used by Kesko corporation stores.]
(Ali:) But let's just say that there's pretty good traction on a certain taskmaster's thigh at the moment. [*Finnish idiom "(to get somewhere) along/by the thigh" means to make progress on one's career by doing sexual favours to higher-ups.]
(Jaakko:) Whatever that means. [*Finnish idiom "(to get somewhere) along/by the thigh" means to make progress on one's career by doing sexual favours to higher-ups.]
(Jaakko:) All the kids watching this at home... Pilvi, how are the scores at the moment?
On the scoreboard, the one in the lead at the moment is...
(Pilvi:) Pirjo. (Pirjo:) Still? Damn. (Eija:) Go, Pirjo!
(Pirjo:) I'm gonna have to start... doing worse now.
(Jaakko:) Pirjo, it's not very, like, um... encouraging, that you don't want to win this. (Pirjo:) I'm gonna have to start doing worse...
I mean, because we don't have any curtains. So I don't know what I could use to cover it up. To cover up that throphy.
Don't worry Pirjo, I'll make sure that you don't win it.
At this point, we'll go for a little break. See you soon.
Welcome back to the final episode of Taskmaster. And here we are: the whole season is coming to its highest point.
And now, for the last time, let's head to the mansion.
"Put as many items into your pockets as possible.
During the task, you may not put multiple identical items into your pocket."
"The one to put the highest number of items into their pockets, wins. You have 5 minutes. The time starts... now."
So their objective was to put as many items into their pockets as they could.
They weren't allowed to put more than one of each item into their pockets.
Yes indeed. Let's see what kind of pockets people had on their clothes that day. Who's first?
This time, let's watch all of their footages in one package.
"The time starts..." (Watch beeps.) "...now."
Well. There are no items here, so we're going indoors.
There's stuff indoors.
So... I expect there to be a lot of small things in the kitchen.
A fire blanket is always nice to have at hand, isn't it.
One, two, three, four, five, six. Let's start with six.
Look, hahaha! What a hoard. – This one's a bit different. I assume.
And this is a dough scraper. (Kalle:) A leaf, and that thing, and a rock...
(Pirjo:) That one, and that one, and... (Ali:) Yup, I can make it fit in!
In the morning I was wondering if I should wear a pair of MC Hammer style pants, you know.
– 30 seconds left. – A clothes peg.
And, I'm sure this too is gonna fit in. (Ali:) I'm going to win...
Well, there weren't any more small things.
And, there! – Time.
Time. – Alright. I'm done.
Thank you, Ali. – Thank you.
Time. – Oh yeah!
Thank you, Pirjo. – Thanks Pilvi. Off we go to a coffee break then. (Chains clatter loudly.)
Pirjo, is an object in the pocket if you're dragging more than half of it behind you?
Did the task say that the item wouldn't be allowed to hang... outside of the pocket?
It did not. It did not, that's why I asked.
Ali. Um... It was explicitly forbidden to put in two identical items. (Ali:) Yeah?
And you put tons of wooden beads in there, into your pocket.
They were not identical. Prove it to me that they were identical!
Every wooden bead is different. (Jaakko:) Yeah I know, I was just wondering if that's exactly how cleverly you were thinking, as to determine that all wooden beads are slightly different?
Yes, all wooden beads are different.
Just like all... (Jaakko:) People? (Ali:) ...bald people. Like me. All bald (people/heads?) are also different.
Look, umm... Pilvi, what were the results like?
Pirjo's result was 24 items.
Eija's was 25, —
Fathi's was 40 items, out of which biowaste bags for example were the same though, and there was several of them.
Kalle's result: 43. And in total, Ali had —
320 items. Although, just the identical wooden beads alone made up 244 of them.
Likewise, there were 17 identical sleigh bells, —
and 13 other kind of sleigh bells. (Kalle:) Oww...
...There were two tennis balls, and so forth. So in the end, what should we make of this?
The scores for this will go as follows:
5 points to Kalle, —
Eija 4 points, Pirjo 3 —
and Ali and Fathi 2 points, but...
(Fathi:) Wait a minute! Wait, why did I rank so low, I mean... There being multiple plastic bags is not how I saw it.
I considered it to be one roll of plastic bags. (Jaakko:) Sorry, I said: Fathi, 1 point.
(Eija:) Don't you mind him. Don't mind...
(Ali:) We could take note of the fact that, I mean, the calculations on my part were done really well, so —
even I could only barely believe that I would have, like... done as well as I did, so thank you, taskmaster.
Yeah, the ass kissing is really starting to get on my nerves now.
(Ali:) Last task! (Jaakko:) Let's dock two points from Ali.
Now, there's only the last round of points left. It's time for the final task. Get ready.
Pilvi, what's the final task?
The final task requires both: expertness with words, and some rustling precision. (Kalle:) Oh my...
Ali, read the task aloud, please.
"Name a thing belonging to the category of things given by the taskmaster.
Every time you manage to come up with a thing, drop a ball into the basket.
Only answers accepted by the taskmaster... Sorry, accepted by the (respectfully:) *taskmaster*, count.
Uh... "The one with the the most balls in their basket wins the game."
Dear friends, does anybody have any questions? You've understood the instructions? (Kalle:) Yes. (Eija:) Yes, perfectly.
Here comes a category. And let's start from Kalle. Taking turns. (Kalle:) OK.
"Things with a hole". Go ahead.
(Kalle:) A toilet bowl.
(Ali:) This sleeping bag. (Eija:) "Hole bread".* [*Trad. Finnish rye bread with a small hole in the middle. Pierced by a wooden stick, dried near the kitchen ceiling and preserved over the long winter.]
(Fathi:) A basket. (Eija:) Nose. [*Trad. Finnish rye bread with a small hole in the middle. Pierced by a wooden stick, dried near the kitchen ceiling and preserved over the long winter.]
(Kalle:) A nut. (of a bolt)
(Bell rings.) (Ali:) A basketball hoop. (Fathi:) No... (Jaakko:) The pause was too long.
And Eija continues, please go ahead. (Eija:) A car tyre.
(Fathi:) Bum. (Pirjo:) Uh... Eye. [*Sounds like she couldn't help the association "bum's eye", in this context 'eye' meaning 'hole'.]
(Bell rings.) (Jaakko:) Hold on a minute. Eye? (Pirjo:) I don't think there's a hole in the eye. (Jaakko:) I don't think there is, no. (Pirjo:) Yeah.
(Jaakko:) Moving on. Kalle, please. (Kalle:) Taskmaster, uh...
I'll say, ice cream cone.
(Eija:) A bicycle. (Bell rings.) (Jaakko:) Where does an ice cream cone have a hole?
(Kalle:) At the top of the waffle where the ice cream sits. (Ali:) Yeah, and at the other end...! (Jaakko:) It's not a hole, it's a pit.
(Jaakko:) It doesn't go through anywhere, does it. (Kalle:) Yes it does!
I mean, the way a cone is made is that the dough has been rolled like this, so it has a big hole that gets smaller towards the other end.
That's why it has the chocolate plug! (Fathi:) He's yelling at you!
(Jaakko:) I'll accept that. (Kalle:) Yes! (Jaakko:) Eija, go ahead please. (Eija:) Yup.
(Eija:) Umm, skateboard. (Fathi:) A well.
(Jaakko:) Eija, where does a skateboard have a hole? (Eija:) I thought the ice cream cone was accepted?
(Jaakko:) Yeah but where does a skateboard have a hole? (Pirjo:) A hole? (Eija:) I mean, it's got... a skateboard has wheels, doesn't it.
(Eija:) I mean there's no way they could... (Jaakko:) Yeah, we won't accept that though. Moving on. Fathi.
(Fathi:) Um...
(Jaakko:) Yeah, thanks. And we're going to the next category now. So, Pirjo goes first. "Foods that you can make out of potatoes."
(Pirjo:) Mashed potato.
(Kalle:) (traditional Finnish) potato casserole. (Ali:) A potato wedge.
(Eija:) Jacket potato. (Fathi:) Umm... Let's say, potato terrine.
(Pirjo:) Uhh.. (a different traditional Finnish) potato casserole.
(Kalle:) Criss cross fries.
(Ali:) French fries. (Eija:) Potato salad.
(Fathi:) Potato wedges. (Pirjo:) Rösti.
(Kalle:) An oven casserole with potatoes. [*Not a specific dish, just sounds like any self-descriptive recipe.]
(Ali:) Salmon potato. [*Not a name of a meal.]
(Eija:) Potato butter. [*More butter than in mashed potatoes] (Fathi:) Potato Karelian pasty.* [*Usually rice, potato is the second most common option.]
(Pirjo:) Slice casserole. [*Very unspecific way to put it, but Finns know exactly what she means: the types of casseroles consisting of thin sliced root vegetables.]
(Kalle:) Boiled potatoes.
(Ali:) Potato rieska*. [*Finnish flatbread, often made of potato] (Eija:) Herring casserole.
(Fathi:) Dill potato! (Pirjo:) Potato... potato... steaks with carrot! [*Generic!]
(Kalle:) Traditional Turkuan sweet potato cake.
(Ali:) Kuku.
It's an Iranian food! (Jaakko:) Fine!
(Eija:) Jansson's temptation. [= Trad. Swedish ham and potato casserole]
(Fathi:) Potato casserole. [*Diff. Finnish word for casserole again] (Pirjo:) Oooh, potato rieska.
(Kalle, Pilvi:) That one's been said! (Pirjo:) Has it? (Jaakko:) Yes, potato rieska has been said. (Pirjo:) Oh no...
(Jaakko:) Kalle. (Kalle:) "Shaken potatoes". [= Side dish where potatoes and seasonings are mixed by shaking the pot they're in.]
(Ali:) Kotlet. (Eija:) Uhh... Ham casserole. (Jaakko:) What's 'kotlet'?
Well it's kotlet, it's an Iranian dish, seriously!
You can check it, you fucking racists! You can't just disqualify me for that!
(Kalle:) You can't say that! (Ali:) Yes I can, look at him, seriously!
If anyone is the leader of the Finns Party*, it's him! [*Finns Party = political party primarily interested in traditional values, often concerned about immigration.]
(Kalle:) It's made of pork! (Ali:) No no, I mean, it does contain potato...! (Jaakko:) No. Eija said 'ham casserole', let's continue from Fathi. (Kalle:) Okay.
(Fathi:) Right, umm...
(Jaakko:) And then, let's move on to Kalle. (Fathi:) And, spirit! (Jaakko:) I took too long.
(Kalle:) Hash with potatoes. [*Hash always contains potatoes.]
(Jaakko:) Kalle, you're the only one remaining. Going to the next category. (Kalle:) Oww!
(Jaakko:) And the last category now. Let's start from Eija, to Pirjo's direction. (Kalle:) Yeah?
"Celebrities called Michael". (Eija:) Maikku?* [*Weird mishearing, sounds like some Finnish pet name.]
(Kalle:) Michael! (Eija:) Oh, Michael!
(Jaakko:) Michael. (Eija:) Michael Keaton.
(Fathi:) Michael Jordan. (Pirjo:) Michael... Michael Granlund. [*He's a Finn: Mi-ka-el.]
(Kalle:) Michael Jackson. (Jaakko:) No way.
(Jaakko:) I mean, Pirjo was disqualified. Ali.
(Jaakko:) No more. Took too long. Eija again. (Ali:) What?!
(Eija:) Michael Lee. (Fathi:) Michael B. Jordan.
(Eija:) Michael Douglas.
(Fathi:) Michael B. Anthony.
(Eija:) Michael... umm... Phyllis.
(Jaakko:) Nope. Thank you... (Fathi:) Michael Scott!
(Jaakko:) I think that was all. (Kalle:) Cheers!
Dear friends, thank you for this very impressive madness that we just got to observe.
The balls have been counted. And based on the words, —
that is, what each one of you said, the scores will go as follows:
Fathi gets 5 points. (Eija:) Go, Fathi.
Kalle and Eija, 4 points. (Eija:) Oh wow!
And Ali and Pirjo, 3 points.
Thank you.
And now. Pilvi, the first question is, who won this episode?
After all the tasks, the one to accumulate the highest score in this episode was...
Kalle! (Eija:) Good for you, Kalle!
A kantele (instrument), and...
But then: we're in the final episode, this is the end of the season. (Kalle:) This is exciting.
One of our dear regular contestants is going to get this coveted Taskmaster trophy. Who is it?
The points have been summed up, we know the answer.
This season's winner is...
And the winner of this season is...
Kalle!
(Jaakko:) Congratulations, Kalle! The golden Taskmaster trophy is yours. (Kalle:) Thank you.
(Kalle:) Oh my, wow. Aah!
Thank you for the visit, Ali Jahangiri.
And thank you, dear regular contestants, Kalle, Eija, Fathi, Pirjo.
And thank you, viewers at home. This was season four of Taskmaster.
Bye bye! And thanks, Pilvi!