1 00:00:02,360 --> 00:00:03,360 Oh, no! 2 00:00:05,760 --> 00:00:07,080 Hello? 3 00:00:13,240 --> 00:00:14,560 Eh... 4 00:00:15,920 --> 00:00:16,920 SHE SLURPS 5 00:00:16,960 --> 00:00:18,880 HE STRAINS Ahh! 6 00:00:18,920 --> 00:00:21,680 Nothing's ever straightforward in this stupid house. 7 00:00:24,400 --> 00:00:25,560 Pbbt. Blah! 8 00:00:27,240 --> 00:00:32,840 This programme contains strong language and adult humour 9 00:00:32,880 --> 00:00:35,720 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Hello, welcome! 10 00:00:35,760 --> 00:00:38,840 Welcome to Taskmaster, a fun entertainment show 11 00:00:38,880 --> 00:00:40,760 in the same way that Chairman Mao 12 00:00:40,800 --> 00:00:42,360 was a chilled-out wacky uncle. 13 00:00:42,400 --> 00:00:45,480 LAUGHTER 14 00:00:45,520 --> 00:00:48,960 Let's take a great leap forward into fun! 15 00:00:49,000 --> 00:00:53,360 Please welcome Ania Magliano... CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 16 00:00:53,400 --> 00:00:55,800 ..Maisie Adam... CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 17 00:00:55,840 --> 00:00:57,760 ..Phil Ellis... CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 18 00:00:57,800 --> 00:01:00,120 ..Reece Shearsmith... CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 19 00:01:00,160 --> 00:01:04,000 ..and Sanjeev Bhaskar! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 20 00:01:04,040 --> 00:01:07,680 And next to me, a man who thinks that men should be men, 21 00:01:07,720 --> 00:01:10,120 and women should be physically jacked-up enough 22 00:01:10,160 --> 00:01:12,120 to be able to lift those men. 23 00:01:12,160 --> 00:01:15,720 LAUGHTER 24 00:01:15,760 --> 00:01:16,960 HIGH-PITCHED: It's... 25 00:01:17,000 --> 00:01:18,840 NORMAL PITCH: He likes a hench woman... 26 00:01:18,880 --> 00:01:20,960 HIGH-PITCHED: ..little Alex Horne! 27 00:01:21,000 --> 00:01:23,560 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Thank you. 28 00:01:25,400 --> 00:01:26,600 I've got my special hat. 29 00:01:26,640 --> 00:01:29,080 It's my favourite hat. It's a bucket hat... Yeah. 30 00:01:29,120 --> 00:01:30,520 ..with our faces on. Yeah, nice. 31 00:01:30,560 --> 00:01:33,960 And inside...my bucket list in my bucket hat. 32 00:01:34,000 --> 00:01:36,320 And the good news is - well, good news, bad news - 33 00:01:36,360 --> 00:01:38,800 I've almost finished it, so not much to live for any more. 34 00:01:38,840 --> 00:01:39,840 But...almost done. 35 00:01:39,880 --> 00:01:41,960 I've touched a horse, I've touched a motorbike. 36 00:01:42,000 --> 00:01:43,640 I've done most of them now. 37 00:01:43,680 --> 00:01:46,520 Three left, I've still got to find an emerald, 38 00:01:46,560 --> 00:01:48,640 sell the emerald on the black market and buy a speedboat, 39 00:01:48,680 --> 00:01:49,960 and then, I'm done. 40 00:01:50,000 --> 00:01:52,440 LAUGHTER Yeah, OK. 41 00:01:52,480 --> 00:01:54,520 So, what's the punch line? There's no... 42 00:01:54,560 --> 00:01:57,960 Well... A punch line to this bit is find an emerald, 43 00:01:58,000 --> 00:02:00,200 sell it on the black market, buy a speedboat. Buy a speedboat. 44 00:02:00,240 --> 00:02:02,640 Yeah. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 45 00:02:03,880 --> 00:02:06,400 HE GASPS I guess I could try and... 46 00:02:06,440 --> 00:02:09,280 Oh. Ah. It's an emerald, right? 47 00:02:09,320 --> 00:02:12,320 There's an emerald!Ahh. LAUGHTER 48 00:02:12,360 --> 00:02:14,920 I've found an emerald! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 49 00:02:14,960 --> 00:02:18,080 Yeah, that's my bit done. Yeah, that's a good bit. 50 00:02:18,120 --> 00:02:20,560 Prize task, please, my little whippet. 51 00:02:20,600 --> 00:02:24,840 Hmm. I-I'll whip it in a minute, you cheeky minx. 52 00:02:24,880 --> 00:02:27,200 LAUGHTER 53 00:02:27,240 --> 00:02:29,480 So, the prize task category is 54 00:02:29,520 --> 00:02:33,880 a possession that would most confuse a future archaeologist 55 00:02:33,920 --> 00:02:35,680 if you were buried holding it. 56 00:02:37,000 --> 00:02:38,640 Five points for the best possession, 57 00:02:38,680 --> 00:02:40,520 four new possessions for the winner. 58 00:02:40,560 --> 00:02:42,600 And now, it's back to Flirty Bertie. 59 00:02:44,320 --> 00:02:46,960 Erm, Maisie what thing did you bring in? 60 00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:48,800 I thought it'd be good to be buried with 61 00:02:48,840 --> 00:02:51,120 a defining piece of literature, 62 00:02:51,160 --> 00:02:52,640 so I've got it here, 63 00:02:52,680 --> 00:02:55,000 as you see, written with Egyptian hieroglyphs. 64 00:02:55,040 --> 00:02:57,840 There's the front cover. And inside, it looks like this. 65 00:02:57,880 --> 00:03:00,960 Hmm. Er, what would be confusing for the people that eventually 66 00:03:01,000 --> 00:03:03,480 translate it is that this isn't actually an ancient 67 00:03:03,520 --> 00:03:05,200 Egyptian piece of literature. 68 00:03:05,240 --> 00:03:08,560 Er, it's the Amanda Holden autobiography... 69 00:03:08,600 --> 00:03:12,440 LAUGHTER ..No Holding Back. 70 00:03:12,480 --> 00:03:16,640 And it is a genuine translation into hieroglyphs of that work. 71 00:03:16,680 --> 00:03:19,560 Is the title No "Holden" Back, she's put Holden? 72 00:03:19,600 --> 00:03:22,400 No, no, no, you'd think it would be. Yeah, yeah. 73 00:03:22,440 --> 00:03:25,160 No, this is just No Holding Back. 74 00:03:25,200 --> 00:03:27,400 And you've converted it into Egyptian hieroglyphics. 75 00:03:27,440 --> 00:03:29,600 Into Egyptian hieroglyphs. Jesus Christ. 76 00:03:29,640 --> 00:03:31,760 Maisie, this is excellent. 77 00:03:31,800 --> 00:03:34,680 Phil what have you brought in to confuse an archaeologist? 78 00:03:34,720 --> 00:03:37,160 Yes, it's a photograph of myself. 79 00:03:37,200 --> 00:03:38,880 And here it is. There we go. What?! 80 00:03:38,920 --> 00:03:41,160 LAUGHTER 81 00:03:41,200 --> 00:03:44,240 REECE:You're on the right? LAUGHTER 82 00:03:44,280 --> 00:03:46,840 I think it's my 12th birthday. 83 00:03:46,880 --> 00:03:48,440 The thing is, we didn't have a dog. 84 00:03:48,480 --> 00:03:52,120 I have no idea who that... no idea who it is. 85 00:03:52,160 --> 00:03:55,200 Phil why do you think it's going to confuse an archaeologist? 86 00:03:55,240 --> 00:03:57,360 It's "congratulations," so they're going to think, 87 00:03:57,400 --> 00:03:58,720 "Is it a couple?" 88 00:03:58,760 --> 00:04:00,520 LAUGHTER 89 00:04:00,560 --> 00:04:02,920 I reckon they'd find it confusing, but equally, it's... 90 00:04:02,960 --> 00:04:04,560 I don't think they would Phil. No? 91 00:04:04,600 --> 00:04:07,320 I-I think any archaeologist who finds this goes, 92 00:04:07,360 --> 00:04:10,120 "Well, here's just a picture of a weird kid and his dog." 93 00:04:11,640 --> 00:04:14,880 Now, then, Reece, how are you going to confuse an archaeologist? 94 00:04:14,920 --> 00:04:17,720 I thought it would be unusual to be buried with something 95 00:04:17,760 --> 00:04:19,040 that could be... 96 00:04:19,080 --> 00:04:21,680 Well, you can't quite work out what it is, 97 00:04:21,720 --> 00:04:24,520 whether it's an omen, a portent, 98 00:04:24,560 --> 00:04:28,120 a-a curse. So, I came up with being buried with this. 99 00:04:28,160 --> 00:04:30,440 LAUGHTER 100 00:04:30,480 --> 00:04:33,640 It's a mirror with the words, "Is this you?" on it. 101 00:04:33,680 --> 00:04:35,920 So, they'll open it up. I'll be like, like that. 102 00:04:35,960 --> 00:04:38,280 And they'll go...snap the bones to have a look. 103 00:04:38,320 --> 00:04:39,640 And they're looking at themselves, 104 00:04:39,680 --> 00:04:41,520 but they don't quite know what the message means. 105 00:04:41,560 --> 00:04:43,760 Did I do it? Is it me? Is it me? Is it meant for them? 106 00:04:43,800 --> 00:04:45,760 Is it just a mirror with Tipp-Ex on it? 107 00:04:45,800 --> 00:04:48,200 LAUGHTER 108 00:04:48,240 --> 00:04:51,400 There have been quite a few examples of mirrors found at burial sites. 109 00:04:51,440 --> 00:04:53,720 Oh, right. And it has confused archaeologists in the past. 110 00:04:53,760 --> 00:04:56,120 Oh! No-one knows quite why they were buried with them. 111 00:04:56,160 --> 00:04:59,160 Amanda Holden said she'd want to be buried with her mobile phone, 112 00:04:59,200 --> 00:05:01,440 in case she wasn't dead, then she could use Insta. 113 00:05:01,480 --> 00:05:02,960 LAUGHTER 114 00:05:03,000 --> 00:05:04,800 Ania, what have you got? 115 00:05:04,840 --> 00:05:09,560 I brought in limited-edition jelly beans. 116 00:05:09,600 --> 00:05:10,640 Yes, she made them. 117 00:05:10,680 --> 00:05:13,600 They look...like this. SHE LAUGHS 118 00:05:14,760 --> 00:05:17,240 Dual-flavour jelly beans. 119 00:05:17,280 --> 00:05:19,040 I did it all by hand. 120 00:05:19,080 --> 00:05:21,280 Cutting in half jelly beans, sticking them back together? 121 00:05:21,320 --> 00:05:24,080 So, yeah, I didn't actually think of using scissors. Right. 122 00:05:24,120 --> 00:05:27,080 But halfway through, my partner said, "You could use a knife." 123 00:05:27,120 --> 00:05:29,280 What were you using? Were you biting them? Teeth? 124 00:05:29,320 --> 00:05:31,880 I was using my teeth, yeah.Ah. LAUGHTER 125 00:05:31,920 --> 00:05:35,080 I was sticking them back together, some of them just went naturally, 126 00:05:35,120 --> 00:05:37,520 and then, some of them needed a bit of lubrication 127 00:05:37,560 --> 00:05:40,520 from the old tongue. MAISIE GROANS 128 00:05:40,560 --> 00:05:42,400 So, you think the archaeologist's going, 129 00:05:42,440 --> 00:05:45,000 "Oh, there's, there's some jelly beans here. 130 00:05:45,040 --> 00:05:46,760 "Wait a minute!" 131 00:05:46,800 --> 00:05:49,480 Yeah! "They've been bitten in half by some mad woman!" 132 00:05:49,520 --> 00:05:50,720 LAUGHTER 133 00:05:50,760 --> 00:05:54,080 Oh, please, this is really nice that I did this. 134 00:05:54,120 --> 00:05:57,000 Ania, I'm telling you now, I've written down, "Ania, 1 point." 135 00:05:57,040 --> 00:05:59,840 And I haven't even heard everyone's yet. 136 00:05:59,880 --> 00:06:01,480 LAUGHTER 137 00:06:01,520 --> 00:06:03,680 Can I just say, the mind is like a parachute - 138 00:06:03,720 --> 00:06:05,160 it works best when it's open? 139 00:06:05,200 --> 00:06:09,480 LAUGHTER You may say that. 140 00:06:09,520 --> 00:06:12,160 Sanjeev, it's all to play for here. 141 00:06:12,200 --> 00:06:14,720 Well, this would be more confusing if someone else 142 00:06:14,760 --> 00:06:16,000 was found buried with it. 143 00:06:16,040 --> 00:06:17,960 OK, this is what Sanjeev has brought in. 144 00:06:18,000 --> 00:06:19,600 Oh. Oh, that... 145 00:06:19,640 --> 00:06:22,160 So, that is a sample of urine. 146 00:06:22,200 --> 00:06:24,200 LAUGHTER 147 00:06:24,240 --> 00:06:27,160 So now, someone else found buried holding... 148 00:06:27,200 --> 00:06:29,160 Sanjeev Bhaskar's piss. ..a sample of my urine. 149 00:06:29,200 --> 00:06:31,800 Yeah, OK. And a pet-treat gun. 150 00:06:31,840 --> 00:06:33,680 REECE: OK. MAISIE: A pet-treat gun?! 151 00:06:33,720 --> 00:06:36,080 Yeah. It launches treats into the air for the... 152 00:06:36,120 --> 00:06:38,640 Yeah, and then, the creature jumps up and bites it. 153 00:06:38,680 --> 00:06:40,880 "The creature?" LAUGHTER 154 00:06:40,920 --> 00:06:43,120 You know, the gorilla! I mean, it might be. 155 00:06:43,160 --> 00:06:44,960 GREG: You, a big dog-lover, Reece? 156 00:06:46,760 --> 00:06:49,880 Is there a link between the dog catcher and the urine? 157 00:06:49,920 --> 00:06:52,680 You're the archaeologist, you tell me. No, I see. 158 00:06:52,720 --> 00:06:54,880 I think he's made his point very well there. 159 00:06:54,920 --> 00:06:56,560 Well, shall we deal with Ania first? 160 00:06:56,600 --> 00:06:57,920 Yeah, Ania 1 point. 161 00:06:57,960 --> 00:07:00,560 Oh. Dog boy... 162 00:07:00,600 --> 00:07:02,480 ..let's give him 2. 2 to Phil, well done, Phil. 163 00:07:02,520 --> 00:07:04,360 Let's give the mirror 3. 164 00:07:04,400 --> 00:07:07,800 I'm going to give 4 points to Sanjeev. Oh. 165 00:07:07,840 --> 00:07:10,720 So, 5 points to Maisie! Well done, Maisie Adam! 166 00:07:10,760 --> 00:07:13,560 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 167 00:07:14,800 --> 00:07:17,000 Right, on we go. What have you got for me, Alex? 168 00:07:17,040 --> 00:07:20,120 Well, Greg, why don't you have a good old yank on this? 169 00:07:20,160 --> 00:07:21,400 LAUGHTER 170 00:07:36,840 --> 00:07:38,080 Hi. 171 00:07:40,200 --> 00:07:42,800 Ania. Hello. You blend in. 172 00:07:42,840 --> 00:07:44,160 To what? To the wall? 173 00:07:44,200 --> 00:07:46,680 Yeah. You look like the wall. 174 00:07:46,720 --> 00:07:48,920 SANJEEV: Looks like an obstacle course of some kind. 175 00:07:48,960 --> 00:07:50,400 Yeah, quite an expensive one. 176 00:07:51,680 --> 00:07:53,000 Oof. 177 00:07:57,120 --> 00:07:58,720 Impressive. Thank you. 178 00:07:58,760 --> 00:08:02,120 "Pull something from that red green... 179 00:08:02,160 --> 00:08:04,040 "..onto this red green 180 00:08:04,080 --> 00:08:06,600 "using this string." 181 00:08:06,640 --> 00:08:09,880 "Throughout your pull, you must remain on this red green. 182 00:08:09,920 --> 00:08:15,040 "Your thing must travel through or over all the obstacles. 183 00:08:15,080 --> 00:08:19,360 "The biggest thing pulled onto this red green wins. 184 00:08:19,400 --> 00:08:21,960 "You have 15 minutes and one attempt. 185 00:08:22,000 --> 00:08:24,040 "Your time starts now." 186 00:08:24,080 --> 00:08:27,320 ANIA: OK, let me just have a look, let me just walk the course, 187 00:08:27,360 --> 00:08:28,600 like in golf. 188 00:08:30,440 --> 00:08:32,520 Very good. 189 00:08:32,560 --> 00:08:34,200 Urine! Didn't expect that. 190 00:08:34,240 --> 00:08:35,920 LAUGHTER 191 00:08:35,960 --> 00:08:37,280 Yeah. 192 00:08:37,320 --> 00:08:41,600 SANJEEV: OK, so these are the things that I can choose? 193 00:08:41,640 --> 00:08:44,400 No, that's a rhino - that's going to be firing balls at your thing. 194 00:08:44,440 --> 00:08:45,840 Oh, OK. 195 00:08:53,000 --> 00:08:54,800 Well, I don't think we need to mess around. 196 00:08:54,840 --> 00:08:57,160 Let's fire balls. Let's assault course. 197 00:08:57,200 --> 00:08:59,040 We start by watching Ania and Maisie, 198 00:08:59,080 --> 00:09:01,680 and Reece pulling on a thread. Here we go. 199 00:09:01,720 --> 00:09:04,520 Put a little person on that maybe. Oh, that's lovely. 200 00:09:04,560 --> 00:09:05,560 Oh! 201 00:09:05,600 --> 00:09:07,200 I think he's going to go on there. 202 00:09:10,680 --> 00:09:12,400 Yeah. Nice, nice. 203 00:09:12,440 --> 00:09:13,640 Those are good wheel... 204 00:09:13,680 --> 00:09:14,960 Fuck off. 205 00:09:15,000 --> 00:09:16,600 LAUGHTER 206 00:09:18,680 --> 00:09:21,440 ANIA: That's pretty big. It's going to look like a baby. 207 00:09:21,480 --> 00:09:23,640 You're going to be dragging a baby through the obstacles? 208 00:09:23,680 --> 00:09:26,160 Yeah, it's like a metaphor for giving birth. Is it? 209 00:09:35,480 --> 00:09:37,320 Right, I'm doing it, I'm pulling! 210 00:09:38,640 --> 00:09:40,040 She's ready. 211 00:09:41,680 --> 00:09:44,520 So, it's a steady pull of a pig? Yeah, steady pig pull. 212 00:09:44,560 --> 00:09:45,920 Pulled pork. 213 00:09:45,960 --> 00:09:47,760 LAUGHTER 214 00:09:49,280 --> 00:09:51,880 Stop firing balls at my baby! 215 00:09:53,120 --> 00:09:55,680 If you had a doctor firing tennis balls as you were pulling it 216 00:09:55,720 --> 00:09:56,720 out of your... 217 00:09:56,760 --> 00:09:58,960 Are you allowed to say "vagina" on this show? 218 00:09:59,000 --> 00:10:00,760 Yeah, you can say vagina, if you want. 219 00:10:00,800 --> 00:10:02,000 SASSILY: Vagina. 220 00:10:02,040 --> 00:10:03,120 LAUGHTER 221 00:10:03,160 --> 00:10:05,440 Why is it going over to the other side? 222 00:10:05,480 --> 00:10:08,520 I specifically put the wheels so that it would come to me. 223 00:10:08,560 --> 00:10:10,600 It's going toward the rhino. 224 00:10:10,640 --> 00:10:12,000 Oh, come on. 225 00:10:12,040 --> 00:10:14,240 I don't understand what's happening with it. 226 00:10:14,280 --> 00:10:15,920 Oh, no! 227 00:10:15,960 --> 00:10:19,000 Alex, please, if you could help me out a little bit. 228 00:10:20,440 --> 00:10:21,560 Oh, thank you. 229 00:10:23,920 --> 00:10:25,800 Ohh! Straightening the pig. 230 00:10:28,600 --> 00:10:29,600 Is it on the bridge? 231 00:10:32,440 --> 00:10:35,080 I think you might have to drag him. I'm going to drag him. 232 00:10:35,120 --> 00:10:37,000 You have a minute-and-a-half. OK. 233 00:10:38,960 --> 00:10:40,400 We have movement. 234 00:10:41,440 --> 00:10:43,920 Fuck off, rhino! LAUGHTER 235 00:10:43,960 --> 00:10:45,680 You're through the door. 236 00:10:45,720 --> 00:10:48,000 Oh, don't lose your momentum. OK. 237 00:10:51,000 --> 00:10:52,760 CROWD GASPS 238 00:10:54,320 --> 00:10:55,480 CROWD AWWS 239 00:11:00,760 --> 00:11:02,560 I could cry. 240 00:11:02,600 --> 00:11:04,840 Can I go? Yes. Thanks. Yeah. 241 00:11:05,920 --> 00:11:07,520 It's survived the saloon doors. 242 00:11:07,560 --> 00:11:10,440 What is a cervix, if not a set of saloon doors? 243 00:11:10,480 --> 00:11:13,640 LAUGHTER 244 00:11:13,680 --> 00:11:15,360 Uh-oh. 245 00:11:15,400 --> 00:11:18,560 Oh, no, she's caught on the ledge of the womb. 246 00:11:18,600 --> 00:11:20,800 That's going to snap. OK. What would you like me to do? 247 00:11:20,840 --> 00:11:23,560 Could you lift it higher, please? 248 00:11:23,600 --> 00:11:26,000 Yeah, thank you. Yeah, that worked. 249 00:11:26,040 --> 00:11:27,480 Final push. 250 00:11:29,280 --> 00:11:32,800 Congratulations - but I will have to tell Greg what I did. 251 00:11:32,840 --> 00:11:34,360 You were the midwife. 252 00:11:34,400 --> 00:11:36,160 LAUGHTER 253 00:11:38,840 --> 00:11:41,280 No! Oh! 254 00:11:41,320 --> 00:11:42,600 It snapped! 255 00:11:42,640 --> 00:11:44,000 It's failed in its failure. 256 00:11:44,040 --> 00:11:45,640 Can I go untie it? No. 257 00:11:45,680 --> 00:11:48,280 I'm going to do it, I don't care! OK. 258 00:11:48,320 --> 00:11:49,640 Come on. 259 00:11:49,680 --> 00:11:51,600 Oh, no. Come on! 260 00:11:52,720 --> 00:11:54,760 Oh! LAUGHTER 261 00:11:54,800 --> 00:11:57,000 I'll just do it round its neck. Yeah. Come on! 262 00:11:58,400 --> 00:12:00,120 Oh, the scarecrows. 263 00:12:00,160 --> 00:12:01,800 Oh, it's locked! 264 00:12:03,200 --> 00:12:05,720 LAUGHTER 265 00:12:09,680 --> 00:12:11,520 WHISTLE BLOWS Well done. 266 00:12:11,560 --> 00:12:13,920 APPLAUSE So easy. 267 00:12:13,960 --> 00:12:15,480 Sorry about the sheep. 268 00:12:15,520 --> 00:12:17,600 APPLAUSE CONTINUES 269 00:12:19,480 --> 00:12:22,160 You're a lot angrier than I imagined you to be, Maisie, 270 00:12:22,200 --> 00:12:23,560 before you came on the show. 271 00:12:23,600 --> 00:12:26,160 It's like a red mist that descends. 272 00:12:26,200 --> 00:12:29,080 And I've got points to bring up, by the way. Oh? 273 00:12:29,120 --> 00:12:31,760 You had assistance. You retied your knot. 274 00:12:31,800 --> 00:12:34,320 It said, "Stay on your green, pull something onto the green." 275 00:12:34,360 --> 00:12:36,800 It didn't say you couldn't have help, did it, in the task? 276 00:12:36,840 --> 00:12:39,520 Well, it's... I can't just like open the envelope, and then, 277 00:12:39,560 --> 00:12:41,600 ring people and be like, "Can you come and help me?" 278 00:12:41,640 --> 00:12:44,160 Well, unless it says you can't do that. You can. 279 00:12:44,200 --> 00:12:47,440 LAUGHTER 280 00:12:47,480 --> 00:12:49,120 A-All the information is on the task. 281 00:12:49,160 --> 00:12:51,720 Fuck off, Greg! LAUGHTER 282 00:12:52,920 --> 00:12:54,960 Who would you have rung, and how would they helped? 283 00:12:55,000 --> 00:12:57,360 My friend Jordan. He lives not too far from where the house is. 284 00:12:57,400 --> 00:12:59,920 You know Jordan? Yeah. I like her. 285 00:12:59,960 --> 00:13:02,120 LAUGHTER 286 00:13:02,160 --> 00:13:04,760 I don't mean I'd have rang Katie Price. No? 287 00:13:04,800 --> 00:13:06,920 Why wouldn't you not have rung Katie Price? 288 00:13:06,960 --> 00:13:09,000 I don't think she would've been best suited to the... 289 00:13:09,040 --> 00:13:11,880 We're getting off topic here! LAUGHTER 290 00:13:11,920 --> 00:13:16,200 My rope snapped... Yeah. ..and I accepted it and walked off. 291 00:13:16,240 --> 00:13:20,160 You've had your baby lifted up by him. Alex Horne. And then... 292 00:13:20,200 --> 00:13:21,640 LAUGHTER 293 00:13:21,680 --> 00:13:24,800 ..you've gone and come off your green to go and retie them. Yes. 294 00:13:24,840 --> 00:13:27,040 Yet... That's right. ..somehow, I'm the knobhead 295 00:13:27,080 --> 00:13:28,480 for not ringing Katie Price! 296 00:13:28,520 --> 00:13:31,520 LAUGHTER 297 00:13:31,560 --> 00:13:33,440 That saves me summing it up! 298 00:13:34,760 --> 00:13:38,920 Ania, this is one of those moments where a person's time on Taskmaster 299 00:13:38,960 --> 00:13:40,880 will be defined by one moment. 300 00:13:40,920 --> 00:13:43,840 And I've asked Alex to capture it. Yes. Oh, God. 301 00:13:43,880 --> 00:13:45,360 This is you, Ania. 302 00:13:45,400 --> 00:13:46,800 SASSILY: Vagina. 303 00:13:46,840 --> 00:13:48,920 LAUGHTER 304 00:13:48,960 --> 00:13:52,440 I don't think I've ever said it like that before in my life. 305 00:13:52,480 --> 00:13:56,120 Erm, she did well - whatever Maisie might think, 306 00:13:56,160 --> 00:13:59,000 she stuck to the rules. And... Eh?! 307 00:13:59,040 --> 00:14:01,560 I can't see a rule that Ania broke. 308 00:14:01,600 --> 00:14:04,760 W-Well, you lifted out her object out the pool. 309 00:14:04,800 --> 00:14:07,720 Yes, because... It's all fair. ..Ania asked him to, 310 00:14:07,760 --> 00:14:10,200 and it doesn't say in the task that you shouldn't ask. 311 00:14:10,240 --> 00:14:13,320 It just seems like you're maybe not OK asking other people for help. 312 00:14:13,360 --> 00:14:15,560 LAUGHTER 313 00:14:18,760 --> 00:14:22,080 That is such a beautiful moment on this show. 314 00:14:22,120 --> 00:14:26,280 We're talking about a task given to one competitor, 315 00:14:26,320 --> 00:14:27,680 and now, we're like, "Oh..." 316 00:14:27,720 --> 00:14:30,880 REECE: Yeah, so keep your nose out! Eh?! Eh?! 317 00:14:30,920 --> 00:14:32,880 It's got nothing to do with you, what happened on her day. 318 00:14:32,920 --> 00:14:34,640 It has got something to do with us! Thank you, Reece. 319 00:14:34,680 --> 00:14:36,240 It's got something to do with all of us! 320 00:14:36,280 --> 00:14:37,960 We haven't even gone through all five! 321 00:14:38,000 --> 00:14:39,440 PHIL: They're fighting again! 322 00:14:39,480 --> 00:14:41,640 I've heard enough of it! 323 00:14:41,680 --> 00:14:43,800 SANJEEV: I do love the way that 324 00:14:43,840 --> 00:14:46,960 you're contributing to the session. Er... 325 00:14:47,000 --> 00:14:48,800 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 326 00:14:48,840 --> 00:14:50,480 What you're saying is very important, 327 00:14:50,520 --> 00:14:52,800 what you're saying is very important. 328 00:14:52,840 --> 00:14:55,400 APPLAUSE 329 00:14:55,440 --> 00:14:59,560 Well, that rage brings us onto your attempt very nicely, I think. 330 00:14:59,600 --> 00:15:01,200 I thought I was quite calm for me. 331 00:15:01,240 --> 00:15:05,400 I thought the madness kicked in when Alex suggested you drag the pig, 332 00:15:05,440 --> 00:15:08,320 and you said, "I'm going to DRAG HIM!" 333 00:15:09,880 --> 00:15:12,560 And then, you did, I think, £500 worth of damage 334 00:15:12,600 --> 00:15:15,840 by throwing a sheep at a scarecrow. Yeah, they were costly. Yeah. 335 00:15:17,320 --> 00:15:19,000 OK. Sorry. 336 00:15:19,040 --> 00:15:20,800 LAUGHTER 337 00:15:20,840 --> 00:15:23,560 All right, we're going to stop for break number one. 338 00:15:23,600 --> 00:15:25,160 Time to book a holiday. 339 00:15:25,200 --> 00:15:28,520 Might as well - there won't be any party islands left soon. 340 00:15:28,560 --> 00:15:31,360 Just one big ocean ruled by a man with gills. 341 00:15:31,400 --> 00:15:34,560 Bye! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 342 00:15:40,040 --> 00:15:41,160 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 343 00:15:41,200 --> 00:15:43,320 Hello, everybody, and welcome back to Taskmaster. 344 00:15:43,360 --> 00:15:46,440 Before the break, we had a string thing going on. 345 00:15:46,480 --> 00:15:49,440 Yes, I suppose we did, because the contestants were battling it out 346 00:15:49,480 --> 00:15:51,520 in a war of tugs. 347 00:15:51,560 --> 00:15:54,920 There are just two muscle-bound guys left to pull the biggest object 348 00:15:54,960 --> 00:15:56,480 from one circle to the other. 349 00:15:56,520 --> 00:15:58,560 Are we still on tugs? 350 00:15:58,600 --> 00:16:00,760 It's our Victorian muscle man, Phil Ellis, 351 00:16:00,800 --> 00:16:03,760 and the world's strongest San...jeev Bhaskar. 352 00:16:07,840 --> 00:16:09,160 This is interesting. 353 00:16:14,520 --> 00:16:16,920 Taking the rhino out the equation. 354 00:16:16,960 --> 00:16:19,440 Big...and light. 355 00:16:20,720 --> 00:16:22,560 Come on, then. Well, I... 356 00:16:22,600 --> 00:16:24,440 I'm not sure you'll be able to pull me. 357 00:16:24,480 --> 00:16:25,480 Well, you've got to have some give. 358 00:16:25,520 --> 00:16:27,960 I mean, you've got legs, haven't you? 359 00:16:28,000 --> 00:16:29,320 Here's a big ol' boy! 360 00:16:29,360 --> 00:16:30,520 Ow, fuck! 361 00:16:32,600 --> 00:16:34,160 That looks so grim, don't it? 362 00:16:35,280 --> 00:16:37,040 You're trying to tug me like a dog on a lead. 363 00:16:37,080 --> 00:16:39,760 Well, I wouldn't put it like that. I mean, look, I mean... 364 00:16:39,800 --> 00:16:41,720 Listen, I could put it round your neck. 365 00:16:41,760 --> 00:16:44,040 I mean, but I'm not going to. 366 00:16:44,080 --> 00:16:46,880 Right, I'm just going to tie this gently round your neck. 367 00:16:46,920 --> 00:16:49,720 GEESE CALLING 368 00:16:51,080 --> 00:16:52,880 They didn't expect to see that this morning, 369 00:16:52,920 --> 00:16:54,440 when they went for a fly. 370 00:16:54,480 --> 00:16:57,120 Good. W-Well, that's no good, is it? 371 00:16:57,160 --> 00:17:00,320 I mean, you didn't help at all then, did you? Ten minutes left. 372 00:17:00,360 --> 00:17:02,440 I'll give you some money. 373 00:17:02,480 --> 00:17:03,720 20 quid. 374 00:17:07,000 --> 00:17:08,480 20 quid. 375 00:17:08,520 --> 00:17:11,840 Er, normally you go up on the second one. 376 00:17:11,880 --> 00:17:14,040 Well, I'll go 25. OK, have you got the money? 377 00:17:14,080 --> 00:17:16,520 No, not on me. 378 00:17:16,560 --> 00:17:18,960 How long have I got? Three minutes, 30. Perfect. 379 00:17:21,640 --> 00:17:23,680 Give him a bit of a chance. 380 00:17:23,720 --> 00:17:25,480 OK, I've got a few things here. 381 00:17:25,520 --> 00:17:27,720 I mean, that's obviously got a handle on it. Yeah, I like that. 382 00:17:27,760 --> 00:17:29,280 Will that help? Yeah, that's good. 383 00:17:29,320 --> 00:17:32,920 I just want just to protect your head... Right. ..as well. 384 00:17:32,960 --> 00:17:35,240 Right. Here we go. 385 00:17:37,200 --> 00:17:38,200 Oh. 386 00:17:39,280 --> 00:17:40,680 We're off. I'm feeling a tug. 387 00:17:40,720 --> 00:17:42,120 Come on, Vernon! 388 00:17:43,280 --> 00:17:45,520 Come on, boy! Doesn't look happy. Come on! 389 00:17:45,560 --> 00:17:48,200 Let's get you to that glue factory, pal. 390 00:17:48,240 --> 00:17:50,680 I know what it's like. Erm, what the hell was that? 391 00:17:50,720 --> 00:17:52,760 That's the rhino firing balls at himself. 392 00:17:52,800 --> 00:17:55,280 Don't do it! There's only three of you left! 393 00:17:56,360 --> 00:17:58,280 Ooh! Ooh! 394 00:17:58,320 --> 00:17:59,480 Good use of shield. 395 00:18:06,120 --> 00:18:07,320 Come on, Vernon! 396 00:18:07,360 --> 00:18:09,400 I'm going to put a small child on your back 397 00:18:09,440 --> 00:18:11,160 and charge them money for the privilege. 398 00:18:11,200 --> 00:18:12,320 You've got one minute. 399 00:18:14,560 --> 00:18:17,120 Nice work, Alex. Nice and steady. 400 00:18:19,120 --> 00:18:21,600 Come on, Vernon! He's doing all right, in't he? 401 00:18:21,640 --> 00:18:25,160 Hey, hey! There's not much pleasure you get in life that can beat 402 00:18:25,200 --> 00:18:28,400 dragging a lifeless horse over a child's paddling pool. 403 00:18:31,920 --> 00:18:34,080 What happens here, Sanjeev? I mean, feel free to duck. 404 00:18:34,120 --> 00:18:35,680 I can't. Oh, can't you? 405 00:18:38,040 --> 00:18:40,120 How long have I got? Three... 406 00:18:40,160 --> 00:18:41,760 Oh, God, that was quick. 407 00:18:41,800 --> 00:18:43,960 WHISTLE BLOWS How's that? 408 00:18:44,000 --> 00:18:45,440 Pretty good, innit? 409 00:18:45,480 --> 00:18:46,840 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 410 00:18:50,240 --> 00:18:53,560 Excellent. Ah! AUDIENCE AWWS 411 00:18:53,600 --> 00:18:55,360 Well done. Safe and sound. 412 00:18:55,400 --> 00:18:57,960 Helpful Alex. 25 quid. 413 00:18:58,000 --> 00:18:59,200 And that. 414 00:18:59,240 --> 00:19:01,400 LAUGHTER 415 00:19:01,440 --> 00:19:03,480 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 416 00:19:06,040 --> 00:19:09,160 Did you receive the £25 from Sanjeev? 417 00:19:09,200 --> 00:19:11,400 N...No. 418 00:19:11,440 --> 00:19:13,920 AUDIENCE GASPS DISAPPROVINGLY 419 00:19:13,960 --> 00:19:16,520 I didn't have it on me then. 420 00:19:16,560 --> 00:19:17,720 But I do now. 421 00:19:17,760 --> 00:19:20,880 AUDIENCE GASPS APPROVINGLY Because I made sure... 422 00:19:20,920 --> 00:19:22,640 Cos I didn't know when the task was - 423 00:19:22,680 --> 00:19:24,520 but every show, I've been... Oh, you genuinely have! 424 00:19:24,560 --> 00:19:25,960 LAUGHTER 425 00:19:26,000 --> 00:19:27,400 ..carrying this around. 426 00:19:27,440 --> 00:19:30,800 APPLAUSE A deal's a deal.Thank you. 427 00:19:34,520 --> 00:19:36,480 MAISIE: Are you all right with this? No, no. 428 00:19:36,520 --> 00:19:38,840 Are you all right with this? No. Are you all right with this? 429 00:19:38,880 --> 00:19:42,040 No, I think I may get enough points that I can be all right with it. 430 00:19:42,080 --> 00:19:44,680 LAUGHTER 431 00:19:46,960 --> 00:19:50,360 Er, Phil, you got incredibly emotionally attached to 432 00:19:50,400 --> 00:19:53,360 an inanimate object. Genuinely sweet. 433 00:19:53,400 --> 00:19:55,920 Well, I've never been involved in any kind of teamwork or, 434 00:19:55,960 --> 00:19:58,160 some would say, long-term friendship. So... 435 00:19:58,200 --> 00:20:00,560 LAUGHTER ..you find love where you can. 436 00:20:00,600 --> 00:20:02,600 You make your own friends. Exactly. 437 00:20:02,640 --> 00:20:05,840 Size-wise, it was about the size of the objects that made it over. 438 00:20:05,880 --> 00:20:08,320 Yeah. So, Ania's was the size of a baby, I suppose. 439 00:20:08,360 --> 00:20:11,360 Yeah. Er, Sanjeev's was the same size as me. 440 00:20:11,400 --> 00:20:14,240 Weirdly, Phil's horse was the same size as you. Oh, wow. 441 00:20:14,280 --> 00:20:17,120 It was 4.8 cubic feet - which famously you are. 442 00:20:17,160 --> 00:20:19,240 I think there's no doubt that Phil wins the task 443 00:20:19,280 --> 00:20:20,280 and get 5 points. 444 00:20:20,320 --> 00:20:22,920 I-I think, what a great task, as well, I'd like to say. 445 00:20:22,960 --> 00:20:24,160 LAUGHTER 446 00:20:24,200 --> 00:20:26,480 Are you happy that Sanjeev dragged me to the other end? 447 00:20:26,520 --> 00:20:29,080 I'm afraid I am. 4 points to Sanjeev, well done. 448 00:20:29,120 --> 00:20:30,120 APPLAUSE 449 00:20:30,160 --> 00:20:32,360 Are you happy that Ania, with some help, 450 00:20:32,400 --> 00:20:33,720 got the baby to the other end? 451 00:20:33,760 --> 00:20:36,520 I am.3 points to Ania. OK. APPLAUSE 452 00:20:36,560 --> 00:20:39,360 So, I guess, rules-wise, 0 points to Maisie, and Reece? 453 00:20:39,400 --> 00:20:41,240 He didn't complete the task, he broke the rules, 454 00:20:41,280 --> 00:20:42,400 so he can't have any points either. 455 00:20:42,440 --> 00:20:44,600 So, 0, 0, but Phil Ellis is the winner of the task 456 00:20:44,640 --> 00:20:47,000 with 5 points! How amazing! 457 00:20:47,040 --> 00:20:49,600 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 458 00:20:50,800 --> 00:20:53,440 Er, can we see the scores, please? Yes, well, I can tell you that was 459 00:20:53,480 --> 00:20:56,800 the first time that Phil has won a task so far. Yes! 460 00:20:56,840 --> 00:20:58,520 Almost halfway through the series. 461 00:20:58,560 --> 00:21:00,080 Well done, Phil. Well done, Phil. 462 00:21:00,120 --> 00:21:02,800 And what a task to win, as well. Oh, I know. 463 00:21:02,840 --> 00:21:06,600 And just by following the rules. LAUGHTER 464 00:21:06,640 --> 00:21:08,560 It means, Phil, you're in second place, 465 00:21:08,600 --> 00:21:11,080 but in the lead, with 8 points, it's Sanjeev Bhaskar! 466 00:21:11,120 --> 00:21:13,880 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 467 00:21:13,920 --> 00:21:15,400 Shall we have another task? 468 00:21:15,440 --> 00:21:17,800 Er, yes, now you...would you...? 469 00:21:17,840 --> 00:21:21,000 I don't want to make things tricky, but do you mind if I just... 470 00:21:21,040 --> 00:21:23,400 Do you w...? Yeah. Would that be all right, if I just...? 471 00:21:23,440 --> 00:21:25,120 Yeah. Just... 472 00:21:26,400 --> 00:21:27,600 Oh. 473 00:21:29,320 --> 00:21:31,360 LAUGHTER 474 00:21:31,400 --> 00:21:34,360 OK. Happy? Yeah. 475 00:21:34,400 --> 00:21:35,520 Are you? 476 00:21:35,560 --> 00:21:37,840 Not as happy as you. No. 477 00:21:37,880 --> 00:21:40,280 LAUGHTER CONTINUES 478 00:21:40,320 --> 00:21:41,600 OK, well, here we go. 479 00:21:53,160 --> 00:21:54,840 Ania! Hello. 480 00:21:54,880 --> 00:21:56,200 Sanjeev! 481 00:21:58,680 --> 00:22:01,160 Nothing for me, OK.Have a seat. LAUGHTER 482 00:22:03,560 --> 00:22:04,800 Have a seat. 483 00:22:06,120 --> 00:22:07,960 No, go on. Are you sure? Yeah. 484 00:22:08,000 --> 00:22:10,880 I mean, we're both meant to, shall we both try? Yes, let's. 485 00:22:12,040 --> 00:22:14,920 We look like we're about to do a duet. I know. 486 00:22:14,960 --> 00:22:16,720 Let's go one cheek each. 487 00:22:16,760 --> 00:22:19,680 I've got a tiny arse, to be honest, so I can probably do this. 488 00:22:23,800 --> 00:22:26,600 Oh, it's awkward. I'm getting cramp. 489 00:22:26,640 --> 00:22:29,120 "Make things genuinely awkward. 490 00:22:29,160 --> 00:22:31,320 "Most genuine awkwardness wins. 491 00:22:31,360 --> 00:22:33,080 "You have 20 minutes. 492 00:22:33,120 --> 00:22:35,480 "Your time starts now." 493 00:22:35,520 --> 00:22:36,680 That's really hard... 494 00:22:36,720 --> 00:22:38,840 I - wait, for who? For who?! 495 00:22:38,880 --> 00:22:40,920 It doesn't have to be for us! 496 00:22:40,960 --> 00:22:42,800 We could make Alex awkward. 497 00:22:46,200 --> 00:22:47,720 Maisie... 498 00:22:48,920 --> 00:22:51,240 ..you all right? Hmm, yeah, yeah. 499 00:22:51,280 --> 00:22:53,800 Yeah.It's really awkward. SHE SHUDDERS 500 00:22:53,840 --> 00:22:57,480 SANJEEV: Could we just ask you some more questions? 501 00:22:57,520 --> 00:22:58,520 So, you know... 502 00:22:58,560 --> 00:23:02,040 Alex, just look away, I'm going to start taking my clothes off. Right. 503 00:23:02,080 --> 00:23:04,520 Alex, look at me, I'm about to start taking my clothes off. 504 00:23:04,560 --> 00:23:07,240 Right, er, oh, you want me to look at you, and not look at you? Right. 505 00:23:07,280 --> 00:23:09,200 Who do you think's funniest me, or you? 506 00:23:11,080 --> 00:23:13,000 Er...yeah, no.. Alex, who is funnier, 507 00:23:13,040 --> 00:23:15,480 and who has been funnier? Out of you two? 508 00:23:15,520 --> 00:23:17,240 Yeah. Yeah. Oh, that's difficult. 509 00:23:17,280 --> 00:23:19,680 But... Is it awkward? For me? No. 510 00:23:19,720 --> 00:23:21,400 No, Maisie's been funnier. 511 00:23:21,440 --> 00:23:24,040 LAUGHTER 512 00:23:24,080 --> 00:23:26,840 APPLAUSE 513 00:23:29,920 --> 00:23:34,600 I can't wait to see the horrors of what you've got planned. 514 00:23:34,640 --> 00:23:37,320 I was immediately awkward by everything that happened in that. 515 00:23:37,360 --> 00:23:38,920 But I know it gets worse. 516 00:23:38,960 --> 00:23:40,720 Well, let's see the first team's attempt - 517 00:23:40,760 --> 00:23:42,840 and, slightly awkwardly, it's the team of two, 518 00:23:42,880 --> 00:23:45,880 with Sir Shearsmith and Madame Adam. 519 00:23:49,640 --> 00:23:55,080 Thank you everyone for coming to... Josh's memorial. 520 00:23:55,120 --> 00:23:58,960 Er, as my son, he was obviously the apple of my eye, 521 00:23:59,000 --> 00:24:01,040 and, we had such high hopes for him. 522 00:24:01,080 --> 00:24:04,320 Yeah, and one of the teachers that always used to, erm, 523 00:24:04,360 --> 00:24:06,160 inspire him was Miss Reuben. 524 00:24:06,200 --> 00:24:10,080 Miss Reuben's here, who has very kindly said, 525 00:24:10,120 --> 00:24:13,920 agreed to say a few words on... STIFLES FAKE SOB 526 00:24:13,960 --> 00:24:16,280 ..about Josh. I-I'll just go now. OK, thank you. Good. 527 00:24:16,320 --> 00:24:17,880 Thanks so much. 528 00:24:17,920 --> 00:24:19,320 Ahem. 529 00:24:19,360 --> 00:24:21,000 So... 530 00:24:21,040 --> 00:24:22,400 Yeah, so... 531 00:24:22,440 --> 00:24:24,600 What was your name, sorry? It was... 532 00:24:24,640 --> 00:24:25,920 Alex. Alex, Alex. 533 00:24:25,960 --> 00:24:27,520 Sorry, my son was Josh. 534 00:24:27,560 --> 00:24:29,920 Yeah, yeah. He died. Ahem. Yeah, yeah. 535 00:24:29,960 --> 00:24:31,800 So, as Alex has just said, 536 00:24:31,840 --> 00:24:35,160 I was fortunate enough to teach, 537 00:24:35,200 --> 00:24:38,440 er, Jack - Josh, Josh. Yeah, Josh. 538 00:24:38,480 --> 00:24:40,480 Er, a lively character... 539 00:24:40,520 --> 00:24:43,520 Er, not now, obviously, but.. LAUGHTER 540 00:24:43,560 --> 00:24:46,680 Frankly we had, we had quite a few... 541 00:24:46,720 --> 00:24:50,480 ..quite a few cleverer kids i-in the class. 542 00:24:50,520 --> 00:24:52,600 Erm, in fact, I used to say "cleverer", and then, 543 00:24:52,640 --> 00:24:53,840 he'd put his hand up and go... 544 00:24:53,880 --> 00:24:55,920 NASALLY: .."Cleverer's not a word, actually." 545 00:24:55,960 --> 00:24:58,200 Erm, which did used to rile me up. 546 00:24:58,240 --> 00:25:00,480 Just one of those people that thought he was smarter than he is. 547 00:25:00,520 --> 00:25:02,880 I'm not sure that... And I always used to think, like, 548 00:25:02,920 --> 00:25:04,400 you know, like father like son. 549 00:25:04,440 --> 00:25:07,360 Cos I remember you from a lot of parents' evenings. 550 00:25:07,400 --> 00:25:09,440 You never lost faith, I'll give that to you. 551 00:25:09,480 --> 00:25:11,440 You would always go, "It's in there somewhere," 552 00:25:11,480 --> 00:25:13,160 and it wasn't. It was never there. 553 00:25:13,200 --> 00:25:15,560 It wasn't - and I tried, so... 554 00:25:15,600 --> 00:25:17,280 Thank you. But thanks again for coming, 555 00:25:17,320 --> 00:25:20,120 thanks again for coming. And God bless... 556 00:25:20,160 --> 00:25:22,120 Thank you. ..us all. 557 00:25:22,160 --> 00:25:24,200 Now, my wife would like to say a few words. 558 00:25:24,240 --> 00:25:26,520 You know my wife, don't you? Yeah, I do know your wife. 559 00:25:26,560 --> 00:25:28,160 Cos I've seen you both together! 560 00:25:28,200 --> 00:25:29,400 Oh. 561 00:25:29,440 --> 00:25:31,440 AWKWARD LAUGHTER 562 00:25:31,480 --> 00:25:33,480 SPITEFULLY: Thank you for coming. Right. 563 00:25:33,520 --> 00:25:35,720 I'm leaving... OK. ..my own son's memorial. 564 00:25:35,760 --> 00:25:39,400 Cheers. That's Alex... Josh's dad there. 565 00:25:39,440 --> 00:25:41,840 Erm, cake is served in the... 566 00:25:41,880 --> 00:25:43,640 FUNEREAL ORGAN PLAYS 567 00:25:43,680 --> 00:25:45,480 ..by the font. 568 00:25:45,520 --> 00:25:47,120 LAUGHTER 569 00:25:47,160 --> 00:25:48,560 Wow. 570 00:25:52,720 --> 00:25:54,600 It was pretty strong, I thought. Yeah. 571 00:25:54,640 --> 00:25:57,040 It was pretty excruciating. So, they left the room. 572 00:25:57,080 --> 00:26:00,160 They just decided to do some improv about a funeral, came back in. 573 00:26:00,200 --> 00:26:01,720 So, they didn't know what they were going to say 574 00:26:01,760 --> 00:26:03,000 and it was tense in the room. 575 00:26:03,040 --> 00:26:06,960 And the teacher was having a l... a lesbian affair? Mm-hm. 576 00:26:07,000 --> 00:26:09,160 We think, we think so. Well, we... 577 00:26:09,200 --> 00:26:11,400 LAUGHTER "We think so"? 578 00:26:11,440 --> 00:26:14,200 Our idea was to do bad improv, 579 00:26:14,240 --> 00:26:16,960 because there's nothing worse or more awkward 580 00:26:17,000 --> 00:26:19,440 than improv when it's bad. 581 00:26:19,480 --> 00:26:21,880 Oh, I just thought you were bad at improv, but... 582 00:26:21,920 --> 00:26:23,440 LAUGHTER 583 00:26:23,480 --> 00:26:26,520 We're at the halfway point of the episode. Advert time. 584 00:26:26,560 --> 00:26:28,160 What are you going to do about it? 585 00:26:28,200 --> 00:26:30,200 What you lookin' at? Shut up. LAUGHTER 586 00:26:30,240 --> 00:26:31,560 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 587 00:26:37,120 --> 00:26:38,240 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 588 00:26:38,280 --> 00:26:40,760 Hello, and welcome back to the start of part three. 589 00:26:40,800 --> 00:26:42,240 Things were awkward before the break - 590 00:26:42,280 --> 00:26:44,640 and it's not about to get any less awkward now, is it, Alex? 591 00:26:44,680 --> 00:26:47,000 That's right. Most genuine awkwardness wins. 592 00:26:47,040 --> 00:26:49,800 And now it's time for the team of three who, let's face it, 593 00:26:49,840 --> 00:26:51,440 are awkward just to look at. 594 00:26:51,480 --> 00:26:53,400 It's Ania, Phil, and Sanjeev. 595 00:26:55,280 --> 00:26:57,360 Oh, you're back. Alex, would you mind...? 596 00:26:57,400 --> 00:26:58,680 Just come and sit there. 597 00:26:58,720 --> 00:27:00,840 Just have a seat. 598 00:27:00,880 --> 00:27:03,200 If you could just grab that. 599 00:27:03,240 --> 00:27:04,880 Thank you. Do I need this? 600 00:27:04,920 --> 00:27:06,120 No, you don't need that. 601 00:27:09,440 --> 00:27:11,720 Thank you, Sanjeev. Hello, Ania. 602 00:27:11,760 --> 00:27:14,160 TENSE MUSIC PLAYS 603 00:27:14,200 --> 00:27:16,800 It's better for us if you're just honest. 604 00:27:16,840 --> 00:27:19,840 You know, which one of us... 605 00:27:19,880 --> 00:27:22,840 ..would you rather have sex with? 606 00:27:22,880 --> 00:27:24,680 SHOCKED LAUGHTER 607 00:27:26,320 --> 00:27:29,040 Your answer here will either make you 608 00:27:29,080 --> 00:27:30,600 a racist or a sexist. 609 00:27:30,640 --> 00:27:32,200 Ooh. So... 610 00:27:32,240 --> 00:27:34,120 Bearing in mind, I'm 15. 611 00:27:36,920 --> 00:27:39,720 How old are you, Sanjeev? I'm older than 15. 612 00:27:39,760 --> 00:27:41,400 I'll have sex with you, Sanjeev. 613 00:27:41,440 --> 00:27:42,760 I think that's sexist. 614 00:27:43,800 --> 00:27:45,480 Because, I mean, during the week, 615 00:27:45,520 --> 00:27:48,080 you were very happy to kind of contemplate the bits. 616 00:27:48,120 --> 00:27:50,360 My body. Yeah, exactly. 617 00:27:50,400 --> 00:27:52,600 You remember what you called my hole. 618 00:27:54,960 --> 00:27:56,520 It was French? It sounded French. 619 00:27:56,560 --> 00:27:58,000 Was it l'ecole? "The school"? 620 00:27:58,040 --> 00:27:59,800 Ooh! You called my bumhole a school? 621 00:27:59,840 --> 00:28:02,320 Bumhole? Wow. 622 00:28:02,360 --> 00:28:04,840 We have got another thing you could help us with 623 00:28:04,880 --> 00:28:07,200 to maybe make it feel better... Yeah. 624 00:28:07,240 --> 00:28:09,880 ..which is that you could wash our baby. 625 00:28:09,920 --> 00:28:12,920 I don't mind washing your baby. OK, excellent. 626 00:28:12,960 --> 00:28:14,360 All right, baby. 627 00:28:22,640 --> 00:28:24,000 Baby's so dirty. 628 00:28:24,040 --> 00:28:26,200 Right. Don't like that. 629 00:28:26,240 --> 00:28:27,960 Please be thorough. 630 00:28:28,000 --> 00:28:29,240 Thorough. 631 00:28:33,960 --> 00:28:35,120 Do your knees. 632 00:28:35,160 --> 00:28:37,880 PHIL GIGGLES Are you still dirty? 633 00:28:37,920 --> 00:28:39,800 Baby hungry. No... N-No. 634 00:28:39,840 --> 00:28:41,160 Baby hungry! 635 00:28:41,200 --> 00:28:42,800 Baby hungry. 636 00:28:42,840 --> 00:28:45,480 SHOCKED LAUGHTER 637 00:28:47,480 --> 00:28:49,640 Hmm. 638 00:28:49,680 --> 00:28:51,480 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 639 00:28:56,160 --> 00:28:57,960 OK, go to sleep now. 640 00:28:58,000 --> 00:29:00,360 I'm 43. Yeah. I'm 46. 641 00:29:00,400 --> 00:29:01,640 Mm! 642 00:29:01,680 --> 00:29:04,600 APPLAUSE 643 00:29:09,640 --> 00:29:12,160 I mean, what's wrong with you? Jesus. 644 00:29:12,200 --> 00:29:14,320 ANIA GUFFAWS 645 00:29:16,160 --> 00:29:18,440 The word "hole"... 646 00:29:18,480 --> 00:29:20,840 The word "hole" was horrible. 647 00:29:20,880 --> 00:29:25,400 But I wasn't expecting to be... there to be an anal sex reference. 648 00:29:26,600 --> 00:29:28,760 Yeah, it was not the... SASSILY: ..vagina. 649 00:29:30,200 --> 00:29:32,160 Yeah, this is going to be a challenge for 650 00:29:32,200 --> 00:29:34,280 the children's version of this show. 651 00:29:36,000 --> 00:29:38,400 I would argue you can't show footage 652 00:29:38,440 --> 00:29:41,920 of a grown man sucking from another man's teat. 653 00:29:43,560 --> 00:29:45,760 We did not plan that bit. No. 654 00:29:45,800 --> 00:29:47,600 But they left me on my own. I was like... 655 00:29:47,640 --> 00:29:49,800 Oh, was that spontaneous, that? I panicked! 656 00:29:49,840 --> 00:29:51,560 LAUGHTER 657 00:29:51,600 --> 00:29:53,440 SANJEEV: We're also very aware that you've played 658 00:29:53,480 --> 00:29:55,600 the very short version of what happened. 659 00:29:55,640 --> 00:29:57,440 LAUGHTER 660 00:29:57,480 --> 00:30:00,640 Erm, I mean, I'm horrified by both teams' efforts, 661 00:30:00,680 --> 00:30:04,120 but I would give one more point to the team of three. 662 00:30:04,160 --> 00:30:07,320 So, I would give them 5 points, and the team of two 4 points. 663 00:30:07,360 --> 00:30:11,200 There we go, well, well done, both teams. Well done, both teams. 664 00:30:11,240 --> 00:30:12,760 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 665 00:30:12,800 --> 00:30:15,280 Right, let's have another task, Alex. Sure. 666 00:30:15,320 --> 00:30:18,680 And guess who forgot where he put the paintbrushes. 667 00:30:39,160 --> 00:30:41,200 Ooh, hello. 668 00:30:41,240 --> 00:30:42,240 Hello, Ania. 669 00:30:42,280 --> 00:30:43,960 How are you? 670 00:30:44,000 --> 00:30:46,960 Er, tickety-boo. Yeah? 671 00:30:47,000 --> 00:30:49,120 Erm, I'm well. If you're bothered. 672 00:30:49,160 --> 00:30:51,960 No, I'm just here to record what happens. Right. 673 00:30:53,440 --> 00:30:56,680 "Do the most accurate finger painting of the person on 674 00:30:56,720 --> 00:30:59,320 "the other end of the phone. 675 00:30:59,360 --> 00:31:04,000 "You may only use four-letter words when speaking to them. 676 00:31:04,040 --> 00:31:07,280 "And every other reply will be a lie. 677 00:31:07,320 --> 00:31:08,920 "You have a total of ten minutes. 678 00:31:08,960 --> 00:31:11,800 "Your time starts when the phone rings." 679 00:31:11,840 --> 00:31:13,040 Good luck. 680 00:31:13,080 --> 00:31:15,520 SANJEEV:OK. PHONE RINGS 681 00:31:15,560 --> 00:31:16,800 And we're off. 682 00:31:18,640 --> 00:31:21,040 Erm, hello. RINGING CONTINUES 683 00:31:21,080 --> 00:31:22,360 Hi, hi! 684 00:31:22,400 --> 00:31:24,920 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 685 00:31:28,320 --> 00:31:31,440 Four-letter words seems an unusually cruel rule. 686 00:31:31,480 --> 00:31:32,800 It's tricky. Very tricky. 687 00:31:32,840 --> 00:31:34,960 I don't think there's much to discuss, let's just crack on 688 00:31:35,000 --> 00:31:36,320 and do some finger painting. 689 00:31:36,360 --> 00:31:38,040 Yes, the person they are painting 690 00:31:38,080 --> 00:31:41,040 can only say the truth every other answer. 691 00:31:41,080 --> 00:31:44,680 First to finger paint are Ania and Sanjeev. 692 00:31:44,720 --> 00:31:46,280 PHONE RINGS 693 00:31:47,600 --> 00:31:49,120 Hiya. 694 00:31:49,160 --> 00:31:51,120 VOICE ON PHONE: Hello. How are you? 695 00:31:51,160 --> 00:31:52,680 Er, fine thank you. 696 00:31:52,720 --> 00:31:55,680 Erm, er... 697 00:31:55,720 --> 00:31:57,040 Cool. 698 00:31:57,080 --> 00:31:59,280 Er, cool? 699 00:31:59,320 --> 00:32:01,520 I'm cool, yeah. Great. 700 00:32:01,560 --> 00:32:06,600 What, er, head? 701 00:32:06,640 --> 00:32:08,200 I do have a head. 702 00:32:08,240 --> 00:32:11,080 Face? I do have a face, yes. 703 00:32:11,120 --> 00:32:13,520 Chin? Er, I have three chins. 704 00:32:14,760 --> 00:32:16,400 That does... OK. 705 00:32:16,440 --> 00:32:19,880 A little more complicated than I thought. 706 00:32:19,920 --> 00:32:22,040 Size nose? 707 00:32:22,080 --> 00:32:23,520 Er, I don't have a nose. 708 00:32:23,560 --> 00:32:25,480 They don't have a nose - no, that's a lie. 709 00:32:25,520 --> 00:32:26,760 We're narrowing this down. 710 00:32:26,800 --> 00:32:28,680 Er, name? 711 00:32:28,720 --> 00:32:30,080 Er, John. 712 00:32:30,120 --> 00:32:31,320 John. 713 00:32:32,600 --> 00:32:36,720 So, this is something that I do want to know. 714 00:32:36,760 --> 00:32:37,960 Sexy? 715 00:32:39,920 --> 00:32:41,240 Er, very. 716 00:32:41,280 --> 00:32:42,720 Very. 717 00:32:42,760 --> 00:32:44,520 And that's true. 718 00:32:44,560 --> 00:32:45,560 John? 719 00:32:45,600 --> 00:32:47,640 No, my name's not John, my name's Andrew. 720 00:32:48,720 --> 00:32:51,200 OK. Er, John? 721 00:32:51,240 --> 00:32:52,760 Er, yes, my name's John. 722 00:32:52,800 --> 00:32:54,160 Erm, hair? 723 00:32:54,200 --> 00:32:55,200 Er, no, I'm bald. 724 00:32:55,240 --> 00:32:57,440 Oh, hair? 725 00:32:57,480 --> 00:32:59,600 Er, yes, I do have hair. 726 00:32:59,640 --> 00:33:02,600 Are you working out a tactic here? Not really. 727 00:33:02,640 --> 00:33:04,280 I don't know what I'm doing. 728 00:33:04,320 --> 00:33:08,400 What wear...yous? 729 00:33:08,440 --> 00:33:11,800 Yeah. I came straight from work, straight from the kitchen. 730 00:33:11,840 --> 00:33:13,760 So, I do think they're in a chef outfit. 731 00:33:13,800 --> 00:33:15,240 Any idea what John's wearing? 732 00:33:15,280 --> 00:33:20,280 No, I can't find another word in my head for...clothes. 733 00:33:20,320 --> 00:33:24,800 Mess upon your...garb? 734 00:33:24,840 --> 00:33:26,400 No, I wouldn't say so. 735 00:33:26,440 --> 00:33:28,000 Suit? I'm not wearing a suit no. 736 00:33:28,040 --> 00:33:30,880 Suit? Er, yes, I am wearing a suit. 737 00:33:30,920 --> 00:33:33,360 Long hand? 738 00:33:33,400 --> 00:33:34,720 Yeah, I do have a long hand. 739 00:33:34,760 --> 00:33:35,760 Oh, that's a lie. 740 00:33:35,800 --> 00:33:37,760 Oh! Shoe size? 741 00:33:37,800 --> 00:33:39,960 Er, small. Small. 742 00:33:40,000 --> 00:33:42,160 He's got small feet with his short hands, has he? 743 00:33:42,200 --> 00:33:44,960 SHE CHUCKLES Sounds like a right catch. 744 00:33:45,000 --> 00:33:46,880 Ring? 745 00:33:46,920 --> 00:33:48,920 No, I wouldn't say so. 746 00:33:54,640 --> 00:33:56,800 You haven't said anything to John for a minute now. 747 00:33:56,840 --> 00:33:58,800 I can't multitask, that's the problem. 748 00:33:58,840 --> 00:33:59,840 Ah, wrong show. 749 00:33:59,880 --> 00:34:03,240 You're going to have to hang up on John in a second. Any final words? 750 00:34:03,280 --> 00:34:06,400 Erm, lo...love... 751 00:34:06,440 --> 00:34:07,720 ..y-you? 752 00:34:09,120 --> 00:34:10,360 I do love. 753 00:34:11,400 --> 00:34:13,760 I think we had a real connection there. 754 00:34:13,800 --> 00:34:15,280 Bats. 755 00:34:16,640 --> 00:34:17,880 Bats? 756 00:34:17,920 --> 00:34:19,240 I love bats. 757 00:34:20,960 --> 00:34:22,680 Excellent. WHISTLE BLOWS 758 00:34:22,720 --> 00:34:24,720 Great, well, thank you so much, Sanjeev. 759 00:34:24,760 --> 00:34:26,200 Thank you very much for that. 760 00:34:26,240 --> 00:34:29,440 SHE GASPS You're kidding! 761 00:34:29,480 --> 00:34:30,960 Oh, my God. 762 00:34:32,280 --> 00:34:34,200 LAUGHTER 763 00:34:36,280 --> 00:34:38,360 Was he behind me the whole time? 764 00:34:38,400 --> 00:34:40,120 Yeah. 765 00:34:40,160 --> 00:34:42,240 Ahh! LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 766 00:34:47,000 --> 00:34:49,200 What did you mean, "Bats?" 767 00:34:49,240 --> 00:34:51,040 Bats. 768 00:34:51,080 --> 00:34:52,960 Yeah, it didn't mean anything other than bats. 769 00:34:53,000 --> 00:34:54,680 It was a minute-and-a-half of silence, 770 00:34:54,720 --> 00:34:57,000 then bats, bats, hang up. LAUGHTER 771 00:34:57,040 --> 00:34:59,160 Ania just seemed to be on a dating app, 772 00:34:59,200 --> 00:35:01,000 as far as I can work out. 773 00:35:01,040 --> 00:35:03,440 It looked like - I think I looked like I was on a dating app, 774 00:35:03,480 --> 00:35:06,480 and then, I say this with the utmost respect to Sanjeev, 775 00:35:06,520 --> 00:35:08,840 it looked like he was a person getting scammed. 776 00:35:08,880 --> 00:35:12,200 LAUGHTER 777 00:35:13,480 --> 00:35:16,400 We can see Ania's and Sanjeev's, while we're on the subject of them. 778 00:35:16,440 --> 00:35:18,360 So, Ania drew this. 779 00:35:18,400 --> 00:35:20,600 Not...not terrible. 780 00:35:20,640 --> 00:35:23,160 The right sort of clothing. The gentleman is here. 781 00:35:23,200 --> 00:35:25,040 That's pretty good. The essence of the... 782 00:35:25,080 --> 00:35:27,400 It's surprisingly all right, isn't it? 783 00:35:27,440 --> 00:35:29,760 And flip over to Sanjeev. Bats, bats. 784 00:35:29,800 --> 00:35:32,200 Oh, my God! You see the bat? 785 00:35:32,240 --> 00:35:33,920 I think, if you took his hat off, 786 00:35:33,960 --> 00:35:35,760 I don't think that's too far off him, actually. 787 00:35:35,800 --> 00:35:37,720 Well, let's have a look at him. It's not a million mile... 788 00:35:37,760 --> 00:35:40,240 It's not as far as I thought it'd be. Well, it's a man. 789 00:35:40,280 --> 00:35:41,480 LAUGHTER 790 00:35:41,520 --> 00:35:43,760 Both better than I thought they would be. 791 00:35:43,800 --> 00:35:45,600 Right, one part to go. 792 00:35:45,640 --> 00:35:47,240 Who will amass the points needed 793 00:35:47,280 --> 00:35:49,480 to stand victorious on the stage? 794 00:35:49,520 --> 00:35:51,720 Sanjeev's second urine sample of the series 795 00:35:51,760 --> 00:35:53,560 is not going to win itself! 796 00:35:53,600 --> 00:35:55,920 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 797 00:36:02,160 --> 00:36:03,640 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Hello! 798 00:36:03,680 --> 00:36:05,840 Thank you, it's the final part of the show, 799 00:36:05,880 --> 00:36:08,600 and we've gone back to preschool for some finger painting. 800 00:36:08,640 --> 00:36:10,600 Yes, Mr Davies, they're trying to paint the man on 801 00:36:10,640 --> 00:36:11,960 the other end of the phone, 802 00:36:12,000 --> 00:36:14,800 in the phone box that was directly behind them. 803 00:36:14,840 --> 00:36:16,720 Remember, they may only use four-letter words 804 00:36:16,760 --> 00:36:19,960 when speaking to him, and every other reply will be a lie. 805 00:36:20,000 --> 00:36:21,640 Remember that. 806 00:36:21,680 --> 00:36:24,520 Maisie, Phil, and Reece. Remember that. 807 00:36:24,560 --> 00:36:25,560 LAUGHTER 808 00:36:25,600 --> 00:36:27,120 PHONE RINGS 809 00:36:29,360 --> 00:36:31,560 Hello? Well, they won't reply to that. 810 00:36:31,600 --> 00:36:32,880 Hiya. 811 00:36:32,920 --> 00:36:34,720 Hello. Erm... 812 00:36:36,320 --> 00:36:37,480 ..face? 813 00:36:37,520 --> 00:36:38,800 I do have face, yes. 814 00:36:40,160 --> 00:36:41,320 Nice face? 815 00:36:41,360 --> 00:36:44,240 I've actually got a pretty ugly face, to be honest. 816 00:36:44,280 --> 00:36:46,720 Oh, OK. Sorry to hear that. 817 00:36:46,760 --> 00:36:49,200 PHONE RINGING 818 00:36:52,400 --> 00:36:53,800 Erm... 819 00:36:55,800 --> 00:36:57,040 Name? 820 00:36:57,080 --> 00:36:58,240 Andrew. 821 00:37:01,440 --> 00:37:03,640 Er, am I expected to know this Andrew? 822 00:37:03,680 --> 00:37:05,800 You're expected to paint him. 823 00:37:05,840 --> 00:37:07,120 Hair? 824 00:37:07,160 --> 00:37:09,480 I don't have any hair. 825 00:37:09,520 --> 00:37:10,520 Eyes? 826 00:37:11,920 --> 00:37:13,200 I do have eyes. 827 00:37:13,240 --> 00:37:15,520 Blue? They are blue, yes. 828 00:37:15,560 --> 00:37:17,800 Ah. We're off. 829 00:37:17,840 --> 00:37:18,840 We're off, great. 830 00:37:18,880 --> 00:37:20,560 Eyes blue? 831 00:37:20,600 --> 00:37:22,120 My eyes are not blue. 832 00:37:22,160 --> 00:37:23,720 They're hazel. Right. 833 00:37:23,760 --> 00:37:25,000 HE CHUCKLES 834 00:37:25,040 --> 00:37:27,440 I don't even think that's a colour. That's grey. 835 00:37:27,480 --> 00:37:29,400 How have I got grey from green and red? 836 00:37:29,440 --> 00:37:31,320 You don't have to answer that, they weren't four-letter words, 837 00:37:31,360 --> 00:37:32,720 it's just nice to know you're there. 838 00:37:32,760 --> 00:37:35,960 High nose? Er, have high... have high nose? 839 00:37:36,000 --> 00:37:38,240 Er, yes, high. Blue nose? 840 00:37:38,280 --> 00:37:40,080 I also have a blue nose, yes. 841 00:37:40,120 --> 00:37:43,240 You have a blue nose? Oh, come on! What is this, Papa Smurf? 842 00:37:44,520 --> 00:37:46,560 MAISIE: Hair? I do have hair, yes. 843 00:37:46,600 --> 00:37:48,880 Lots? No, I'm bald. 844 00:37:48,920 --> 00:37:51,360 You just said you had hair, mate. 845 00:37:51,400 --> 00:37:54,600 Oh, I was going to ask him if he had big ears, but... 846 00:37:54,640 --> 00:37:58,920 If I'd have said ears, he wouldn't know that I mean size, would he? 847 00:37:58,960 --> 00:38:01,680 Ears...size? 848 00:38:01,720 --> 00:38:04,200 LAUGHTER I've got small ears. 849 00:38:04,240 --> 00:38:06,400 Oh! Not big ones. 850 00:38:06,440 --> 00:38:07,680 Body? 851 00:38:07,720 --> 00:38:09,200 I do have a body, yes. 852 00:38:09,240 --> 00:38:10,880 Bigs? 853 00:38:10,920 --> 00:38:12,680 Er, yes. Large. 854 00:38:12,720 --> 00:38:14,200 He's got a "bigs" body. Has he? 855 00:38:14,240 --> 00:38:16,360 Coat? Yes, I am wearing a coat. 856 00:38:16,400 --> 00:38:17,600 Cool coat? 857 00:38:17,640 --> 00:38:19,560 Er, I would say it would quite cool, yeah. 858 00:38:19,600 --> 00:38:22,440 He's got a cool coat, has he? Yeah, it's a black leather jacket. 859 00:38:22,480 --> 00:38:24,280 I think it might be Danny Zuko. 860 00:38:24,320 --> 00:38:26,760 MAISIE: What make...jobs? 861 00:38:26,800 --> 00:38:29,560 I make spaghetti Bolognese. 862 00:38:29,600 --> 00:38:32,960 That's your job? Spag boll...two Ls? 863 00:38:33,000 --> 00:38:34,600 No, that's not right. 864 00:38:34,640 --> 00:38:35,640 That's not right. 865 00:38:35,680 --> 00:38:37,800 I don't think I care. 866 00:38:37,840 --> 00:38:39,560 Can I ask you something, Reece? Yeah. 867 00:38:39,600 --> 00:38:42,280 How are you getting on with the truth-and-lie system of this? 868 00:38:42,320 --> 00:38:43,640 Have you remembered that? 869 00:38:43,680 --> 00:38:45,000 Oh... 870 00:38:46,240 --> 00:38:48,760 LAUGHTER 871 00:38:52,760 --> 00:38:55,200 I've...I hadn't been considering that. 872 00:38:55,240 --> 00:38:57,120 Right. I'm off now. 873 00:38:57,160 --> 00:38:59,120 You've been really, really unhelpful. 874 00:38:59,160 --> 00:39:01,160 WHISTLE BLOWS 875 00:39:01,200 --> 00:39:02,360 Goodbye, Andrew. 876 00:39:02,400 --> 00:39:04,120 Nice talking to you, liar. 877 00:39:04,160 --> 00:39:05,160 HE GROANS 878 00:39:06,400 --> 00:39:08,640 I'm going to miss our chats. Yeah. 879 00:39:08,680 --> 00:39:11,600 Not good for my blood pressure, this, you know? Any of this. 880 00:39:11,640 --> 00:39:13,680 LAUGHTER 881 00:39:13,720 --> 00:39:16,520 APPLAUSE 882 00:39:20,960 --> 00:39:24,200 The fact that they all made the same mistake is fascinating enough. 883 00:39:24,240 --> 00:39:25,800 I think we should just see the pictures. Yeah. 884 00:39:25,840 --> 00:39:26,880 Let's get to the goods. 885 00:39:26,920 --> 00:39:29,400 Maisie was furious that he wasn't apparently telling 886 00:39:29,440 --> 00:39:32,320 the complete truth, and this is what she painted with her fingers. 887 00:39:32,360 --> 00:39:33,400 "You liar!" 888 00:39:33,440 --> 00:39:36,040 LAUGHTER 889 00:39:37,760 --> 00:39:40,200 Er, the info I got was blue nose, 890 00:39:40,240 --> 00:39:41,960 spaghetti Bolognese, and no body. 891 00:39:42,000 --> 00:39:43,240 So, I think I... 892 00:39:43,280 --> 00:39:45,800 I-I genuinely left that caravan thinking, 893 00:39:45,840 --> 00:39:48,000 "Nailed that." "I've smashed this." Yeah. 894 00:39:48,040 --> 00:39:51,440 You thought that man was on the end of the line? 895 00:39:51,480 --> 00:39:53,480 So, Maisie did that. Phil did this. 896 00:39:53,520 --> 00:39:55,000 Ooh. Ooh! 897 00:39:55,040 --> 00:39:56,160 PHIL: Daddy cool. 898 00:39:56,200 --> 00:39:59,960 Yeah, I mean, straight away, you went to Fonz. Yes! 899 00:40:00,000 --> 00:40:02,600 Reece, renowned artist, did this. 900 00:40:02,640 --> 00:40:05,200 LAUGHTER 901 00:40:07,880 --> 00:40:09,120 And I... 902 00:40:10,360 --> 00:40:13,360 Can I...? What was the answer to the question, "Bigs?" 903 00:40:13,400 --> 00:40:15,840 LAUGHTER CONTINUES 904 00:40:15,880 --> 00:40:18,280 Why did I think, very definitely, red shoes? 905 00:40:18,320 --> 00:40:20,000 How could I have got that from him? 906 00:40:20,040 --> 00:40:23,320 And that's the thing that worries you about your drawing? 907 00:40:23,360 --> 00:40:27,720 All five with our chef Andrew - that's his name - here. 908 00:40:27,760 --> 00:40:29,840 Is this not really about who's good at art? 909 00:40:29,880 --> 00:40:33,240 Cos, you know, you could say I-I've captured his spirit, his... 910 00:40:33,280 --> 00:40:34,600 LAUGHTER 911 00:40:34,640 --> 00:40:36,880 The rule was, do the most accurate finger painting. 912 00:40:36,920 --> 00:40:39,920 Oh, now we're in the rules, are we? LAUGHTER 913 00:40:39,960 --> 00:40:41,960 So, here we go. Points? Yes. 914 00:40:42,000 --> 00:40:43,720 Least-accurate first please, Greg. 915 00:40:43,760 --> 00:40:47,120 Well, I don't think that Maisie will be annoyed with me for this. 916 00:40:47,160 --> 00:40:50,040 I, er, you'd think wrong! LAUGHTER 917 00:40:50,080 --> 00:40:52,200 But because, with the best will in the world, 918 00:40:52,240 --> 00:40:53,960 as charming a character as that is, 919 00:40:54,000 --> 00:40:56,000 it does not look like a human. 920 00:40:56,040 --> 00:40:58,560 So, 1 point to Maisie. 1 to Maisie, good. 921 00:40:58,600 --> 00:41:01,720 And I'll give Sanjeev 2 points. Ooh, unlucky Sanjeev, 2 points. 922 00:41:01,760 --> 00:41:04,560 Oh, that's a bit harsh. Phil, 3 points. Phil 3, OK. 923 00:41:04,600 --> 00:41:07,960 Erm, Reece has captured his haunted look. 924 00:41:08,000 --> 00:41:09,160 REECE: See?! 925 00:41:09,200 --> 00:41:13,160 But, you know, Ania's, I mean, somehow, that... 926 00:41:13,200 --> 00:41:16,640 ..forgive me, Ania, shit painting 927 00:41:16,680 --> 00:41:19,480 does look most like a chef. 928 00:41:19,520 --> 00:41:22,680 Wow. So, against all odds, she takes 5 points. 929 00:41:22,720 --> 00:41:24,560 Wow, there we go. Ania, 5 points! 930 00:41:24,600 --> 00:41:26,720 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 931 00:41:27,840 --> 00:41:29,960 Right, what are the scores, Alex? 932 00:41:30,000 --> 00:41:32,200 I can tell you that in the series, 933 00:41:32,240 --> 00:41:35,760 Phil and Sanjeev are joint-last, with 70 points each. 934 00:41:35,800 --> 00:41:37,880 But in this episode, they're joint-first 935 00:41:37,920 --> 00:41:39,680 with 15 points each! Oh, yeah! 936 00:41:39,720 --> 00:41:42,440 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 937 00:41:44,240 --> 00:41:46,560 All right, everyone, can you make your way to the stage 938 00:41:46,600 --> 00:41:48,400 for the final task of the show! 939 00:41:53,640 --> 00:41:55,960 Hello, you angel. Hello. 940 00:41:56,000 --> 00:41:57,640 Who will be reading the task? 941 00:41:57,680 --> 00:42:00,280 I think Sanjeev should. OK. 942 00:42:02,240 --> 00:42:06,440 "Eat the lame duck, or don't eat the lame duck." 943 00:42:06,480 --> 00:42:07,800 I'm going to stop you there. 944 00:42:07,840 --> 00:42:10,440 Is there an accent on the E? 945 00:42:10,480 --> 00:42:12,200 ANIA LAUGHS 946 00:42:15,080 --> 00:42:17,120 Yes, there is. Ahem! 947 00:42:17,160 --> 00:42:19,920 "Ay-at" the lame duck... 948 00:42:19,960 --> 00:42:21,880 That's good! Very good. 949 00:42:21,920 --> 00:42:24,680 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE That's good. 950 00:42:24,720 --> 00:42:26,760 Thank you very much. OK, here we go. 951 00:42:26,800 --> 00:42:30,400 "Eat the lame duck, or don't eat the lame duck. 952 00:42:30,440 --> 00:42:33,240 "If you are the only person to eat the lame duck, 953 00:42:33,280 --> 00:42:34,640 "you win 5 points, 954 00:42:34,680 --> 00:42:37,480 "and everybody else loses 1 point. 955 00:42:37,520 --> 00:42:40,840 "If more than one person eats the lame duck, 956 00:42:40,880 --> 00:42:44,120 "all lame-duck eaters lose 3 points, 957 00:42:44,160 --> 00:42:47,960 "and the lame-duck refusers gain 3 points." What? 958 00:42:48,000 --> 00:42:49,920 "If no-one eats the lame duck, 959 00:42:49,960 --> 00:42:53,120 "you must each give Greg £25." 960 00:42:53,160 --> 00:42:55,080 LAUGHTER 961 00:42:56,360 --> 00:42:58,360 "If everyone eats the lame duck, 962 00:42:58,400 --> 00:43:01,800 "Alex will give you each £25. 963 00:43:01,840 --> 00:43:04,160 "You have two minutes." 964 00:43:04,200 --> 00:43:05,520 You've got to make the choice. 965 00:43:05,560 --> 00:43:07,920 Do you eat the duck, or not eat the duck? 966 00:43:07,960 --> 00:43:10,640 Vegan chocolate, I will tell you now, is delicious. 967 00:43:10,680 --> 00:43:12,200 Are you ready? ALL: Yeah. 968 00:43:12,240 --> 00:43:14,880 Eat or not eat vegan lame ducks. 969 00:43:14,920 --> 00:43:16,960 WHISTLE BLOWS Listen, I say we all eat it. 970 00:43:17,000 --> 00:43:18,920 Yeah. We all get 25 quid. 971 00:43:18,960 --> 00:43:20,600 Yeah. We all lose 3 points. 972 00:43:20,640 --> 00:43:21,840 Yeah. What? 973 00:43:21,880 --> 00:43:23,760 PHIL: Do we not lose 3 points if you eat it? 974 00:43:23,800 --> 00:43:26,120 Because, if more than one person eats the duck, 975 00:43:26,160 --> 00:43:28,080 all the duck eaters lose three points. 976 00:43:28,120 --> 00:43:31,880 That leaves us where we are anyway, but we're all 25 quid richer. 977 00:43:31,920 --> 00:43:34,640 Yeah. REECE: But 3 points less. 978 00:43:34,680 --> 00:43:37,040 Yeah, but across the board. Yeah. 979 00:43:37,080 --> 00:43:39,720 But you're already 25 quid down today. 980 00:43:39,760 --> 00:43:42,320 That's why you want to... Well, don't worry about me, but... 981 00:43:42,360 --> 00:43:43,360 LAUGHTER 982 00:43:43,400 --> 00:43:46,080 ANIA: I want to eat the duck, cos it smells really good. 983 00:43:46,120 --> 00:43:47,200 Another good reason. 984 00:43:47,240 --> 00:43:49,520 MAISIE: Well, then, good news, you can eat the duck and get £25. 985 00:43:49,560 --> 00:43:51,000 That feels like the win-win. 986 00:43:51,040 --> 00:43:53,560 How do you do that? By eating the duck. 987 00:43:53,600 --> 00:43:56,080 We all eat the duck. Yeah, we all eat the duck. 988 00:43:56,120 --> 00:43:57,400 If we all eat... 989 00:43:57,440 --> 00:43:59,960 LAUGHTER 990 00:44:00,000 --> 00:44:01,440 If we all eat the duck, 991 00:44:01,480 --> 00:44:03,560 we'll all get £25 and no points. 992 00:44:03,600 --> 00:44:06,240 But if one of you fails to uphold their end of their bargain... 993 00:44:06,280 --> 00:44:08,320 Yeah, but we won't, cos we'll all eat the duck, won't we? 994 00:44:08,360 --> 00:44:11,960 PHIL: I-I, well, listen, why don't you all pass me your ducks now? 995 00:44:12,000 --> 00:44:14,880 LAUGHTER ..and then, we'll know, won't we? 996 00:44:14,920 --> 00:44:16,680 Quick as you can. 997 00:44:16,720 --> 00:44:18,800 Yeah, but do we trust Phil not to eat all the ducks? 998 00:44:18,840 --> 00:44:20,840 Well, that would be the thing, wouldn't it? 999 00:44:20,880 --> 00:44:22,600 We each have our duck, we can eat it. 1000 00:44:22,640 --> 00:44:24,040 If all of us do it. 1001 00:44:25,520 --> 00:44:29,120 I was voted Most Trustworthy Person in my primary school. 1002 00:44:29,160 --> 00:44:30,880 LAUGHTER 1003 00:44:30,920 --> 00:44:33,600 22 seconds of decision-making left. Right. Oh, no. 1004 00:44:33,640 --> 00:44:35,040 What do we reckon? 1005 00:44:35,080 --> 00:44:38,040 AUDIENCE OOHS 1006 00:44:38,080 --> 00:44:39,640 Anyone? ANIA: Guys, I ate mine. 1007 00:44:39,680 --> 00:44:42,200 Y-You're going to eat yours. I'm going to eat mine. 1008 00:44:42,240 --> 00:44:45,080 REECE: No! What? Are you eating them? 1009 00:44:45,120 --> 00:44:46,120 Five seconds left! 1010 00:44:46,160 --> 00:44:48,080 Are we eating them now? Four, three... Yes! 1011 00:44:48,120 --> 00:44:50,760 Are we eating them? Eat, eat, eat! 1012 00:44:50,800 --> 00:44:53,320 LAUGHTER WHISTLE BLOWS 1013 00:44:53,360 --> 00:44:56,920 Stop! AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS 1014 00:44:56,960 --> 00:44:59,640 Did someone not eat their duck? We will find out. 1015 00:44:59,680 --> 00:45:00,920 LAUGHTER 1016 00:45:00,960 --> 00:45:04,040 We will find out. I did not expect that to be so exciting. 1017 00:45:05,880 --> 00:45:07,120 Alex, go and clear up. 1018 00:45:07,160 --> 00:45:08,480 Come down here and join me, 1019 00:45:08,520 --> 00:45:11,040 and we'll see how that's affected the final scores! 1020 00:45:11,080 --> 00:45:12,560 APPLAUSE 1021 00:45:18,400 --> 00:45:19,560 Well, well, well. 1022 00:45:19,600 --> 00:45:22,840 Any duck-gobbling treachery? 1023 00:45:22,880 --> 00:45:25,600 There was a bit - I think they all agreed to eat their duck. 1024 00:45:25,640 --> 00:45:27,040 D-Did somebody not? 1025 00:45:27,080 --> 00:45:28,400 Somebody did not. 1026 00:45:28,440 --> 00:45:30,200 THEY ALL GASP 1027 00:45:30,240 --> 00:45:32,280 Murder most foul! 1028 00:45:33,720 --> 00:45:36,840 Are you j... Who, who? 1029 00:45:36,880 --> 00:45:39,000 Reece, is it you? 1030 00:45:39,040 --> 00:45:41,560 Yeah.Reece! MAISIE GASPS LOUDLY 1031 00:45:41,600 --> 00:45:43,840 Reece Shearsmith did not eat his duck, 1032 00:45:43,880 --> 00:45:46,080 and if only one person didn't eat his duck, 1033 00:45:46,120 --> 00:45:49,040 everyone else loses 3, and he gains 3. 1034 00:45:49,080 --> 00:45:50,880 Wow. Wow. Wow. Noted. 1035 00:45:50,920 --> 00:45:52,280 You know why that happened? 1036 00:45:52,320 --> 00:45:53,880 I didn't understand the rules. 1037 00:45:53,920 --> 00:45:55,760 LAUGHTER 1038 00:45:55,800 --> 00:45:57,760 Sure you didn't get the rules, Macbeth. 1039 00:46:00,120 --> 00:46:01,760 Reece! But there's more, Greg. 1040 00:46:01,800 --> 00:46:03,200 Ahh! 1041 00:46:05,760 --> 00:46:08,120 And this time, I want to show you this. 1042 00:46:08,160 --> 00:46:09,160 What do you mean? 1043 00:46:09,200 --> 00:46:10,360 AUDIENCE OHHS 1044 00:46:10,400 --> 00:46:11,840 He didn't eat his duck! 1045 00:46:11,880 --> 00:46:13,760 ALL GASP 1046 00:46:13,800 --> 00:46:15,360 I've still got it. 1047 00:46:15,400 --> 00:46:17,040 PHIL: I sucked all the gold off. 1048 00:46:17,080 --> 00:46:19,200 LAUGHTER 1049 00:46:19,240 --> 00:46:20,560 REECE: What does that mean, though? 1050 00:46:20,600 --> 00:46:23,000 It means I'm now worth more than I ever have been. 1051 00:46:25,200 --> 00:46:27,680 If more than one person eats the lame duck, 1052 00:46:27,720 --> 00:46:28,960 all lame duck eaters - 1053 00:46:29,000 --> 00:46:31,280 that's Ania, that's Maisie, that's Sanjeev - 1054 00:46:31,320 --> 00:46:33,400 lose 3 points, and the lame duck refusers - 1055 00:46:33,440 --> 00:46:36,160 that's Phil, that's Reece - gain 3 points! 1056 00:46:36,200 --> 00:46:38,520 So, well done, Phil, well done, Reece! 1057 00:46:38,560 --> 00:46:41,320 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Wow. 1058 00:46:41,360 --> 00:46:43,360 Which means that Maisie's now at the bottom of the table, 1059 00:46:43,400 --> 00:46:44,400 with 7 points. 1060 00:46:44,440 --> 00:46:47,280 But way above her, with 18 points, for the first time, 1061 00:46:47,320 --> 00:46:49,160 he's won an episode, it's Phil Ellis! 1062 00:46:49,200 --> 00:46:52,600 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Phil Ellis has won! 1063 00:46:52,640 --> 00:46:57,440 Please vacate your seat and retrieve your future archaeological treats! 1064 00:47:22,200 --> 00:47:25,520 Subtitles by Red Bee Media