Shh! Ugh!
Bye-bye! Eugh!
Arggh!
Ohh!
Mmm!
This is the best day of my life.
Yep. Go on.
Eughhh!
Shh!
Yes! Hello.
And welcome to Taskmaster Australia.
My name is Tom Gleeson and I am the aforementioned Taskmaster.
For all those seeking entertainment, you've come to the right place.
For those sickos amongst you who specifically take joy
from seeing comedians humiliating themselves
while earnestly trying their best,
all while trying to win a golden replica of my large head,
good news - that's kind of our whole deal!
Oh, wow. It's lovely, isn't it?
Competing for glory in our first season,
we have four of Australia's finest comedians
and one former children's TV host reinventing himself as a bad boy.
Every time! Every time!
They are Danielle Walker, Jimmy Rees,
Julia Morris, Luke McGregor and Nina Oyama.
Being a Taskmaster is a full-time job,
one that I do for about 10 days a year.
It means I don't have time for things like admin.
I leave that to my humble assistant.
We have the same name, so just to clear things up,
I'm Main Tom and he's Lesser Tom.
It's Tom Cashman.
I'm personally just happy I'm not Least Tom.
It's time for some dreaded admin, so take it away, Lesser Tom.
So our first task is a prize task.
Each of our contestants have been asked to bring in a prize.
The best one will receive 5 points, second best 4 points and so on.
And then the winner of tonight's episode
will take home all five prizes.
OK, what have they brought in tonight?
Tonight they've been asked to bring in
the thing they'd most like to be buried with.
Ooh!
I love a bit of coffin accoutrements, so let's start with Julia Morris.
What would you take with you?
I would like to take a really big lighter.
Oh. 'Cause I just want to be dust.
I can't go in the hole, ground, with that stuff eating me.
And here is the lighter.
OK, so you're in the coffin with the lighter and then you're buried.
Who lights you? Well...
That's a really good question.
Do I have to be buried?
Yeah, that was kind of part of it, wasn't it?
You could argue it's the whole thing.
Alright, I appreciate your sentiment,
but I'm pretty sure if you go to a crematorium,
they don't just get a BIC and singe your edges.
There's a little curtain.
You wouldn't know what goes on behind there!
You think there's a person behind the curtain with a BIC,
going, "Alright, here we go"?
I think there's heaps of people with lots of BICs.
A guard of honour, a guard of honour with...
They've all got BICS? Yes, "Farewell!"
Showing their respect while they singe your edges.
Don't make me cry, Tom. That's beautiful!
OK, uh, Nina?
I would like to be buried with some worms.
Yeah. And why is that?
I thought it would be a funny prank on some worms in the ground
if I already pre-wormed myself.
So then, like, the worms in the ground
would try and move into my body
and then there would be some worms already there
being like, "No. Like, get away from my house."
And then they would have a turf war over my dead body.
Oh, right. OK, so I quite like that one.
Um, what about you, Jimmy?
Well, you didn't really specify if you were alive or dead,
so I'd just take my phone, call for help and be done and be out.
I thought you would take your phone
so you could do some viral TikTok videos.
Well... In the afterlife!
There'd be time for that, wouldn't there? Yeah.
Did we mention whether you had to be dead or alive?
No, we didn't.
It's simply, "The thing they'd most like to be buried with."
Looking back, I should've said Brad Pitt.
I was... It's true!
Alright, Danielle, what would you like to be buried with?
I brought a treasure map.
Well, 'cause I thought it would be fun for somebody to dig me up
and then be sent on a wild goose chase for some treasure.
I'm just a bit of a prankster. Alright.
So this is a more detailed prank than Nina's, which I quite like.
I feel like... Is the treasure near you or...
No, no, no, it's wherever this map I found on the internet...
I've...I've been there. It's actually a Hungry Jack's.
Uh, Luke, what do you have for us?
Mine's similar to Jimmy's. Mine's sort of practical.
But I was worried about battery life and not having reception,
so if I get buried and I happen to be still alive,
I brought a...a shovel.
It's also good 'cause if I find Danielle's map,
I can dig for the treasure.
OK, how do you picture that working out?
In practicality, you're underground, you're alive, you've got your shovel.
Yeah, I was thinking that
'cause if I'm buried with a shovel in a coffin,
I actually need to get out of that first before I, um...
And you can imagine what an idiot I'd feel
once I'm inside the coffin with the shovel going...
Of all the things! I didn't think this through enough.
'Cause once I'm out of the coffin, I'm home free,
but actually getting out is the problem.
So, yeah, I, uh... I admit there are flaws.
I must say, I think this is really hard to score
because they're all equally a bit shithouse.
I think I'm gonna have to put Julia last with the lighter
'cause, first of all, it wouldn't really cremate you
and also it's just very small and quite boring.
I think Jimmy with the phone as well. What?!
It's a good idea if you're buried alive to have a phone,
but I think Luke was exactly right - there'd be no reception.
Nina, I mean, I did like the prank, but, again, worms is probably
the first thing you think of when you think of being buried.
So you're on 3 points. Luke with the shovel.
And, Danielle, 5 points for the pirate treasure map.
Thank you. Thank you.
These scores aren't for nothing.
We're tallying them across the whole season.
Tom Cashman, how do things stand in the race for my golden noggin?
Winning the season so far, it's Danielle on 37 points!
Alright, I am ready for the first task, Lesser Tom.
Alright, don't forget, everyone,
when you go outside, it's important to flip, flop, flap.
Ooh!
Hello, Tom. Tom.
Ooh, what have we got here?
OK, that's not something you normally see on a table.
OK, here we go, sir.
Oh.
"Fly this thong the furthest."
"The furthest thong wins."
"You have 20 minutes. Your time starts now."
OK, thong flight.
What are you thinking?
Uh, I'm thinking that I've got a small food stain
on my flight suit over lunch and I'm embarrassed to stand up.
Oh, right. Where is the stain?
Here and here. That's shameful to you?
I don't know if the camera can even see it, but...
..let's go fly this thong.
It's a pretty simple task.
What's the furthest you've flown a thong, Tom Cashman?
Probably in my luggage to Europe in 2011.
I went backpacking with a few friends
and my ex-girlfriend at the time
and, yeah, looking back,
it was probably one of the best times of my life.
Is that it? Mmm.
I don't care, yeah?
Alright, shall we watch some thongs take flight?
One of them fears the beach. The other is wearing a thong right now.
It's Luke and Jimmy.
What about some sort of, like,
catapult launching device?
Mmm. Like, "Fling!"
So the plan is you stand here with a cricket bat.
OK.
And I'll throw the thong. OK.
And then with the bat, you hit it even further
so it's still technically in the air.
OK, how accurate do you think you can be?
Don't worry about me, buddy. You worry about your bat.
I am worried.
OK, well, worry... OK, I'll worry... Yeah, I'm worried as well.
I'm gonna try this first and then I'll just hoick it as far as I can.
OK, that's OK.
Ohh!
How far do you think that is?
I'm gonna say, like, 11 basketballers standing on each others' heads
and lying down. OK.
11. 11 what?
11 Jimmy steps. OK.
OK, buddy, I'm pretty confident we can do it in one.
Here we go.
Boi-oi-oing! Nope.
I'm just gonna throw it, aren't I? That's gonna be the furthest.
This is gonna work. Hmm.
I'm gonna move this. I think... I think this was the problem.
Like, I like the catapult idea, but maybe I just need a...
Nope.
Oh!
OK, OK.
Oh, no! I farted at the same time.
I'm sorry. I put myself off 'cause I...I farted at the same time.
I wonder how far I can javelin it. Ugh!
That wasn't bad.
Oh! Oh... Ahh!
Oh...
Thanks, buddy. Hey, I'm tired too.
Throwing is really hard work. Kind of.
Don't slip on me.
Oh! Yeah, that's pretty good. 30 seconds.
Phew.
Oh, no!
I mean, that's a hit.
It's shorter than your other... Yeah, that's a good point.
11, 10, 9, 8, 7,
6, 5, 4...
Arggh! ..3, 2, 1.
Yeah, Luke, did you ask Tom if he plays cricket?
Tom, do you play cricket? No.
So even if you could throw it accurately, which you couldn't,
Tom probably couldn't hit it very far.
Now that you bring it up, that would've been a...
..a good question to ask of Tom.
Yeah. You kind of came to that conclusion too, Jimmy.
Do you think just throwing it
would've been better rather than getting distracted?
I attached it to a stupid oar which was way heavier than the thong
and just tried to javelin it.
I was trying to become an Olympic javeliner
just, like, in 20 minutes, you know?
I wasted eight minutes trying to be an Olympic javeliner.
And just quickly, what was the top hat for, Jimmy?
I just thought I'd look...
I was gonna say cool doing it, but I don't think it...
I think it enhanced my embarrassment.
Jimmy managed to fly his thong 28.19 metres
implementing his chucking-while-bouncing method.
Luke registered a flight of 40.38 metres.
OK, it's time for a break.
More unidentified flying havaianas
will take to the skies when we return.
Hello again. Welcome back to Taskmaster.
It's the third episode and I'm getting the hang of it.
Our contestants? Hard to say.
A quick reminder of the task in play, Tom Cashman.
Well, the task is to fly a single thong as far as you can
while using whatever ingenious method you could come up with
using your limitless imagination
and so far, two of them have chucked it.
Surely we can do better than that. You'd hope so.
Much like a thong, these two keep you on your toes.
It's Nina and Danielle.
What have we got here?
Oh, I've got the thong. Yep.
And, um, I want to glue some googly eyes on it.
Yep.
If you have the time, why not make things slightly aesthetic?
Mmm.
What I would like to do is put a heap of matches on the back of them
and then light them on fire and then he'll fly.
This is the part where you say,
"Yeah, that's a pretty good effort to have a little gold wing."
No? OK. I...I think it's aesthetic.
OK.
And it'll go out and go up to space, actually.
I'm gonna take them to space. OK.
Actually, he's gonna go all the way to Planet X.
Planet X? And then come back.
I am gonna tie this rope to this guy. Yep.
Do you reckon... That'll fully light on fire, right?
What? 30 matches all bunched together?
Yes.
Then I'm gonna tie it to that tree.
Then the gravity will make the thong go down.
Right.
So what knot is this?
Well, I kind of just figured
if I tied it a bunch around the tree...
Yeah.
I'm ready to go send him off. OK.
What...what's the plan here?
Um, I'll light him on fire
and then that will help shoot him off like a rocket.
OK.
I'm actually, like, shaking at the thought of doing this.
But... Oh, there we go.
Alright. Are we ready to take flight?
Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho! Come on!
Come on! Come on!
Yes, let's go!
Go!
Oh, wait. It's going down...sort of.
Is it?
Alrighty, there we go. OK.
And then he's off.
Time's up.
You've really burnt that.
Yeah, don't breathe that in. That's actually toxic.
Danielle, I feel like if you were part of the NASA program
and you had to put man on the moon, you'd be like, "Let's do craft!"
That's sort of what science is, I think.
Oh, craft?
You get to light shit on fire and be like, "Whoa! What's gonna happen?
"Probably more fire!"
Are we gonna accept CGI? How do we feel about that?
I feel pretty good about it.
If we're gonna make the leap of CGI
and pretend that your thong went to Planet X,
first of all, we have to know if Planet X exists.
It does exist! Tom, it does exist, right?
Not necessarily. What do you mean?
But this isn't... It's still a thing!
Danielle, I hate to tell you,
the scientific community thinks that Planet X
is simply a hypothetical concept.
Aww!
So you pretended to make your thong go to a hypothetical concept.
How far away is a hypothetical concept when you're pretending?
0 meters. Oh, OK.
That's rough.
Nina, do you think your string was, like, downhill or horizontal?
'Cause it's a fine line between a flying fox
and just hanging something on a clothes line.
I also think there wasn't enough weight on the thong.
Like, if the thong was weighted...
Like, maybe I should've jumped off with the thong
and I would've won and also died.
Nina's flew 9.12 metres.
OK, let's wrap up this task with one more, shall we?
We saved the best till last, or the worst.
Actually, quite often we do leave the worst till last.
Let's find out which this one is. It's Julia Morris!
"Fly."
Tom, Tom...
OK, do you know what I'm saying? No.
In the fly. So now I can just go as far as I want.
And now it's 'flying'. OK. OK.
Where are we going? See you later!
I'm gonna take you cross-country, babes.
Watch out for your eyes!
And it is technically flying. I'm not touching it.
I think I'm gonna go cross-country again, Tom.
OK.
Alright, I'm still going!
Oh! Didn't touch it!
I tell you what. Wish I was fitter.
I wanna go further,
but I feel it's gonna fall out of my fly.
I'm still going! I think the running ruined it.
Whoo!
I think the flops are gonna flop!
This is... Ohh!
Was this genius or just loose word association?
Oh, very, very loose.
Yeah, no, if you're looking for genius,
you can go to any of these other people.
I am not at that location 'cause, honestly,
I've said it before and I'll say it again, every single task that I did
I was just trying to make go quickly so we'd get an early mark.
No, I really like that interpretation.
I think that works. I think... It can't be faulted, can it?
It was in the fly. Would you like to know how far the thong travelled?
269 metres.
Wow!
That means Danielle is on 1 point,
Nina has 2, Jimmy 3, Luke on 4
and the winner of the task is Julia with 5 points!
Amazing!
Well, I think this is a great point to ask,
can we get an update on our scores thus far?
The winner thus far in the episode is Luke with 8 points!
Luke, the dark horse. And by 'dark horse', I mean fair horse.
Tom Cashman, give me another task!
As you request,
here's our first team task of the season.
Ooh!
Hey, there. Hey!
Hello. How are you?
Not too bad. Long time no see.
Hello! How are you? Oh! Hello.
Hello. Sorry.
I'm Julia. I'm Danielle. Nice to meet you.
Nice to see you, Danielle. Yeah.
Oh, my God.
Nina! Shall we...
Did you do that? No.
Was that part of... Did you do that?
Well, do you want to know a fun fact about today?
Oh, my God! Hello.
Mate! Oh, hi!
What?! Good to see you.
Holy moly! Hey! Hi. Hello. How you going?
Oh, my God. Hi. What's going on?
Do we open the task? He'll be mad if we don't.
Let's do it at the same time. NINA: OK, OK, we should.
Thank you, my sweet. Hmm. Oh, no worries.
"Transform..." "Into..."
"Triplets." "Into twins."
"Most..." "Convincing..."
"Transformation..." "Wins."
It's my turn. You're "Wins".
Come on. Sorry. Sorry. You.
"The most convincing transformation wins.
"You have 30 minutes."
"Transformation..." Goes back to the start.
"You..." "Transform..."
No, "Transformation wins." "Wins."
"Time starts..."
Watch his finger. Watch what he does.
Oh! He controls the timer. How come you're not...
"Now!" Ahh!
I'm already getting improv troupe vibes from one of the teams
and I don't care for it.
We'll watch those teams transform
right after this show temporarily transforms
into a vessel for brands to flog their wares.
See you after the ads!
Welcome back to Taskmaster as five top-tier comedians
battle to win a treasure map that leads to no money.
Tom Cashman, vibe check?
Oh, the vibes are pretty good.
Basically, the task is to transform into twins or triplets
and the best transformation wins.
OK, which team is transforming for us first?
It's Julia and Danielle.
Tom, I think you're gonna be pleased with this look.
Also, I need a wig, I reckon.
There we go. Yeah!
Yeah? That's good? Yeah. I mean, actually...
We gotta do that thing where you, like, finish each other's...
Sentences.
Yeah. Yes.
Exactly. Yeah, exactly.
Perfect!
And you know what, what I'm loving?
Just having the same thoughts at all times.
Oh, yeah.
Can you prove you're having the same thoughts?
Well, um, what I'm thinking about now is, um...
Golden retrievers. Yes.
You were both thinking that?
We were both thinking it. Yes, we were both thinking...
And you're not just saying that because she said golden retrievers?
Well, how else are we supposed to...
That's really aggressive and it's accusational.
OK. I apologise. So I just wanted to...
But I'd love to stand in front, like a family snap.
Do you know what I mean? Put his hand, like it's a dad...
Like he's our dad. Oh, that's amazing.
And he's got us in his arms.
We must be running out of time.
I love when he does the whistle.
I'm not gonna lie. Do you think you twinned well?
I think we did pretty good.
I think we were the very essence of twins.
So beautiful. Beautiful.
I'm just imagining you as my twins. I think I'd be quite proud.
Yeah! I think you did a great job.
What do you think? We're lovely girls.
We looked identical!
Dreamboat, dreamboat. I don't know what else you're looking for.
Well, if you were my twins, I'd know which one was my favourite.
I'll leave that unsaid.
Is it fair to say twins are born minutes apart, not decades?
We're talking multiple decades. OK. I think they did a great job.
It was a great photo at the end.
Let's birth our triplets, shall we?
Here's Luke, Nina and Jimmy.
The other team's probably thinking the same thing we are,
which is, like, we wear the same outfits.
What's a little twist we can put on it?
We could become a triplet, as in, like, the musical note triplet.
Oh, like... Like, a triplet with...
There's three of those with a line on the top.
Let's do that. Let's get the instruments.
What if we hold an egg up to our face like this?
Like the egg is our face?
Have three egg heads and then we make, like, Tom solve a riddle.
"We are the eggs three."
Oh, yeah, sorry. Oh, my blanket's falling off!
And my egg's fallen off! Arggh! No!
It's a last-minute crisis!
And I am the scrambled.
We are the eggs three!
You must answer these three riddles.
First riddle!
What... Is...
Your... Name?
Uh, Tom.
Correct!
Thank you. You have passed the first test.
Second riddle.
How... Many...
Times...
Have...
Uh, the...
Moon...
Had...
An...
Aneurysm?
Uh, zero times.
He's correct again!
We got a brainiac over here. Ooh!
Third riddle. Final riddle!
Who...
Did...
The...
Time...
Who did the what? Who did the time?
Who DID the time?!
Who did the time? Who did the time?
Who did the time?
God?
Correct! No!
It's correct, I think? Correct! It's incorrect!
Get out of the den!
Oh, I've been revealed!
Oh!
See ya. Thank you for everything.
It was going so well, then the sheet fell off and that really wrecked it.
Dammit!
Uh, what was that?
Uh, isn't it obvious?
That was the famous eggs three, um, from legend.
If you use Danielle's map, that's where you get led to, so...
I think it's pretty clear it was shit.
Can you tell us in detail why?
Shall we describe why it's bad with one word each, like the triplets?
It... Was...
Oh... Bad.
Because...
It...
Sucked.
Couldn't... Think...
In...
Triplet form.
Oh, it's happening again!
I think the three of you demonstrated
what happens if you're too supportive of each other
and you're in a group where there's no bad ideas.
It means that they're all bad ideas.
OK, time for some scores.
Oh, before we move on to the scores,
there's one other component to this task I think we should see.
Oh, yes!
"The most convincing transformation wins. You have 30 minutes.
"Also, you must choreograph a beautiful dance
"to perform at the end of every team task.
"You have five additional minutes
"for your beautiful dance choreography."
Five, six, seven, eight.
And one, two, three, four.
Da, da...
Ta, ta.
Six, seven...
Pew! Plonk!
Oh, I love it.
Looking forward to seeing our one?
Yep, I think your one's gonna be amazing.
There's no one for the other team. DANIELLE: What?
Yeah, it was just an extra treat for us.
There's no points given for that. That's just...
That's so rude.
There are more team tasks coming up too, so let's just say
that's not the last beautiful macarena we're gonna be seeing.
Oh, my God! That's so bad!
I can't believe you did that to us.
I can.
Alright, time for some scores.
The triplets were shit. The twins were good.
So the triplets get 1 each. OK.
And the twins get 5 each.
Easy! Oh, my God!
Yeah, baby!
Alright, you've all got a few minutes
to choreograph a lovely little dance of your own at home.
Don't film it! Don't send it to me.
We'll be back with more Taskmaster right after this.
Welcome back to Taskmaster
where five comedians are battling it out
to win Jimmy Rees's phone.
Tom Cashman, are we ready for another task?
For this one, it's cricket time!
Hyah!
Oh, sorry.
It's me!
Tom. Jimmy.
I'm ready to...to task.
Where is the t... Oh, there it is.
Oh, look at this. Cricket ball.
Classic six-stitcher! A classic what?
Six-stitcher. Oh, right.
OK, "Perform the most passionate cricket appeal."
"Most passionate cricket appeal wins."
"You have 20 minutes to prepare your appeal."
"Your appeal starts when the ball..."
"..hits the pads.
"Your time starts now."
I have a problem,
which is I don't know what "cricket appeal" is.
Is it, like, the most sexy cricketer?
Like, the most appealing cricketer?
To any viewers who are worried
because you don't know much about cricket,
do not be concerned.
You are not alone.
Howzat?
I don't get it!
This is gonna go down well with the Australian public.
You got some cricket appeals to show me, then?
I won't make a cricket joke because she wouldn't understand it.
Here's Danielle Walker!
What's a cricket appeal?
"An appeal is the act of a player on the fielding team
"asking an umpire for a decision
"regarding whether a batter is out or not."
"Batter is out or not."
You've gotta be angry that the batter's done something wrong.
I saw something behind the shed. What did you see?
A big thing that you wouldn't be able to use if you were a batter.
My nanna's gonna be so disappointed.
She loves cricket.
So I throw this at you and then...
And then I'll try and hit it with this.
Can we superimpose my head over the top?
Of me? Then I'll be you.
OK. Pretending I'm angry about him.
If you can move your hands like you're arguing,
then we superimpose my face onto you again.
OK, yeah.
Dude! Ref, that's so naughty!
You can't hit with that big bat!
That's...that's illegal, that bat!
It's not used for this game.
That's a big circus freak game. Get him off!
This is proper Christmas cricket,
the...the big bash, the test.
Get it off the... It's not allowed, that bat!
It's illegal!
Um...
Get it out of here!
The...the appeal's done!
Get him off!
That's it.
Who's the most famous Australian cricketer of all time?
Oh, that man... He died when I was in school.
And, um, everybody loved him. Was his name B? B? Bob? Bob?
Bob, Bob, Bob? What's his... You know him. Bob.
They called him 'The Green...The Green Hat'.
'The Green...' 'The Sloppy Green'.
'The Floppy...' 'The Baggy...The Baggy Green'.
What's his name? Don Bradman! That's it!
It's not Bob! It's Don!
Ooh, yeah! I got it.
Who could forget that Australian legend, 'The Green Hat'?
Bob? Bob...Bob Bradman?
I knew it started with three letters.
You know, I looked it up and Don Bradman, when he was born,
his name before he changed it, before he got famous,
was Robert, Bob for short.
Ooh!
Really? No!
That's rude.
OK, I think you didn't know what an appeal was
'cause your appeal was over the batsman using the wrong bat.
That's what you were upset about.
Yeah, I think Tom said that
a fieldsman gets angry when the batter does something.
Yes.
So I figured, "Well, if I was a fielder, I'd be pretty angry
"if they had all that surface area."
But in a game of cricket, you wouldn't have to go, "Howzat?"
and then the umpire would go, "That's not a cricket bat."
They could tell as soon as they walked out onto the pitch,
"That's a giant croquet mallet. Go back to the pavilion."
Alright, who's running in next?
I'm still not tempted to make a cricket reference.
She's even less familiar with it than Danielle.
It's Nina Oyama.
OK, in cricket, how far is a batter out?
How far is the batter out?
Yeah, like if someone were to stand in, like, an 'out' zone?
Can someone hold this bat and stand next to the tree?
This perfect little tree over here.
I feel like all of Australia is gonna be mad at me
for not knowing cricket.
Yes!
Umpire Tom, have you made your decision
as to whether the batter is in or out?
No.
OK, what if I...
..do this and this and this?
Have you made a decision
as to whether the batter is in or out yet?
No.
Excuse me, Mr Umpire,
I am passionately making a plea,
an appeal to your heart.
Have you made a decision
as to whether the batter is in or out yet?
Yes.
The batter is out.
And why is he out?
He's over there.
He's over there...
And scene!
So good!
So good.
Um, why do you have sunnies on now?
'Cause I'm scared!
Well, it's a lot to take in.
But I did make an appeal to the cricket master
or whatever the term is in the cricket world.
OK, who's next, Tom Cashman?
It's not this guy's first time playing the field.
Here is Luke McGregor.
Thank you, thank you.
What are you thinking?
I feel like... I don't know.
Like I need, like, someone to say howzat to,
otherwise it's just me and pants.
This guy is the bird so this guy can be the wicketkeeper.
OK. I guess.
So now I need some fielders.
Um, and I've had a thought. Mm.
OK. Mmm!
Now I need some rope or string.
Rope or string? Yeah.
Ooh, the bat's part of the scene.
'Cause he's gonna have a swing at it,
then he's gonna dive to catch it.
The fielder dives between the bowler and the batsman?
One of the beauties of sport is that it's unpredictable.
100%. Yeah.
Howzat?!
No. But I hit the stumps!
The appeal starts when the ball hits the pads.
Oh, the ball hits the pads!
Oh, OK. Where's...where's the ball?
It's OK. I've got an idea.
OK, I've got a... Here. I've got a pear.
Howzat?
Yeah.
Suck it!
Hang on.
So how you play cricket is you get a giraffe and a knight
and then you pull a bit of string?
To be fair, Nina, I don't think you've earned the right
to be sarcastic about someone else's attempt to play cricket.
Luke, what...what were you attempting there?
Well, I thought if I tied all the string to the knight and the giraffe
the bat would move
and then it would hit the pad and then the giraffe would...
It would look like the giraffe was going for the catch.
What actually happened
is that I got tangled up in the string and then got...
And then we ran out of time.
OK, so why did you kick over the giraffe?
I was angry at it for not participating.
At least it was starting to resemble cricket.
I suppose so.
I think the thing with Luke's is there's a lot of extraneous stuff
and the passion of the appeal was what we needed to be measuring.
Yes.
So I've actually prepared a shorter video
that just shows the passion of the appeal.
We probably don't have time for that.
Here it is.
Howzat?!
It really fires you up, doesn't it?
Time for me to make an appeal to our audience at home.
Please come back! Pretend that streaming doesn't exist.
We're taking a break.
See you soon with more terrible cricket on Taskmaster.
Look, I know you're watching it now, but how about watching more later?
Catch every moment of triumph and utter humiliation
of Taskmaster Australia
with full episodes at 10play.com.au or the 10 play app.
Welcome back to Taskmaster.
We're not far away from knowing
who will walk away with a big pile of worms
and we're trying to find out by playing Australia's favourite game.
That's right. We're talking cricket.
Our task is to do the most passionate appeal.
Forget Jiminy Cricket. It's Jimmy playing cricket.
Are you a cricket fan? I do like cricket. Yeah.
I was not good at it.
I played it when I was younger until about 14.
And then there was some behemoth... It was probably Brett Lee.
Showed up one week, then I was next in to bat the next week
and I said to Dad, "I'm not playing anymore."
You didn't go to the game? Didn't go the next week.
He would've been 25-foot tall.
David and Goliath is what it is.
If David didn't show up to the battle.
If David just ran, which...
That's a valid point.
Next in to bat is 14-year-old Behemoth Man from Jimmy's past.
You might not remember me, but I remember you.
Chainsaw! Oh!
Oh, you may run from a fight and live a long and prosperous life,
but revenge is way sweeter and stuff!
Yeah!
I'm an accountant now. I don't know why you're holding on to this.
Golden duck! Yes!
COME ON!
Next in to bat, actual Brett Lee.
Damn!
Jimmy, that was very disorienting,
having you knowing how to play cricket
after all we've been through,
but I've gotta say that was amazing!
I mean, it had everything.
You played cricket, you actually got someone out,
you had a traumatic backstory,
the appeal was full of passion,
it was for a legitimate reason.
I can't fault it.
There was...there was no giraffe.
What would you say to Behemoth Boy if he's watching the show now?
Well, I'd say look who's grown a pair now!
Alright, who have we got next?
I find this contestant a little bit intimidating.
Nothing to do with cricket, but it's true. Here's Julia Morris!
"Perform the most passionate cricket appeal."
So by appeal, are you talking about a fundraiser?
"Your appeal starts when the ball hits the pads."
Oh, I mean...
Is that the time starting now? Just hit the pads?
Or do you want me to bowl it? Your appeal has begun.
The ball has hit the pads.
Oh, I'm in it! Oh, gosh.
Hi, I'm Julia Morris.
Cricket's really suffering right now.
What would be really nice
is for all of these really highly paid athletes
is to get paid a little bit more, especially the female cricketers
who are obviously gonna be a...whole lot less.
Please, ring the number now on your screen
and give as much as you can.
Cricket needs it. Please give generously.
That's how you do it when you don't have any knowledge of cricket.
Oh, but, sir, I have much knowledge of cricket.
I grew up in a big cricket house.
Well, I think it was, like, a great use of the word 'appeal',
but unfortunately I think you approached the appeal
with all the passion that you've approached
all your other commercial endorsements.
You kind of phoned it in. No, that's it.
Absolutely. It's a signature move. I know.
You just went straight into presenter mode and did the bare minimum.
I'm happy to forego the fact that a lot of you
did not know about cricket and just base it purely on passion.
So Nina's on 1 'cause your...
It was... The whole thing was all over the shop.
But you just were like...
"Hello. Can you please make the person out?"
Luke, your appeal wasn't very passionate.
And then, Julia, I liked what you did,
but it had all the passion of a paid-for presentation, so 3.
Danielle, you're on 4 'cause there was HEAPS of passion,
but a bit too much CGI.
But on 5 is Jimmy Rees
'cause it had everything!
What has that done to our episode scoreboard tonight?
Winning the episode currently, it's Danielle with 15 points.
Alright!
Everything to play for.
Off your bums and up on the stage.
It's time for a live task!
Up you get.
Oh, it's as intriguing a set-up as I've ever seen.
What's going on?
Julia, could you please read the task?
"Convince the Taskmaster that you deserve 5 points.
"You must use a method from one of the paddles.
"When you are finished convincing,
"place your paddle in the paddling pool.
"The least convincing contestant in each round is eliminated.
"You will have 10 seconds each per round.
"The last player standing wins."
Nina. I'm gonna do this one.
"In a foreign language."
Taskmaster-san, 5 points, kudasai. Arigato.
"Casually mention."
Yeah, yeah, that's interesting.
Also, if you've got 5 points lying around, I'll...I'll take 'em.
But you don't have to. Whatever. I don't care if you don't.
Whatever...
Jimmy. "In character as the Taskmaster's wife."
I know all the funny business, alright?
I know you bring home the bacon. But I'll be having the 5 points, OK?
You're the stupid guy, but I get the points, alright?
We know who wears the pants, hey, Taskmaster?
Julia has chosen "Seductively."
Taskmaster...
"Puppy dog eyes."
Danielle, you're done.
Ooh!
Nina, "Passionately plea using words that start with 'P'."
Please pive pe pive points!
Pi pould peally p-preciate pit.
"Degrade yourself."
I'm a real piece of shit. I don't deserve 5 points.
Uh, I...I shouldn't even be here.
I don't...I don't think I'm even holding this sign very well.
Uh, you're...
"In song."
# One, a-two, a-three, four, five
# Give me the points and to feel you're alive
# Yeah, in the morning and even in the evening
# And even right now on the Taskmaster seat, yeah... #
"Making a promise you must then keep."
Taskmaster, I've got friends that know your family, so...
..if I don't get the 5 points,
I'm gonna drive my vehicle...
In the pool.
So, Nina, you're done.
"Silently suggest."
OK. Oh.
I went to whisper, then I realised it's silently. I can't say anything.
Yeah.
So I just stood there next to Tom and panicked.
"Politely ask."
Why did it take so long for someone to choose that one?
Hello, Tom Gleeson, Taskmaster, standing right in front of me.
Could I please have 5 points?
"Cool, calm and collected."
I haven't actually asked for the 5 points
in any other ones so far 'cause I can't work out what 10 seconds is.
So I'd really love the points if there's a possibility.
Jimmy's done.
Aww! Don't milk it! Sit down!
"Firmly demand."
Tom, you piece of shit, give me 5 points.
Julia has one paddle remaining and it says, "Desperately beg."
Tom, I'm gonna die before all of these people.
I'm a lot older.
And I just really feel that 5 points,
that would give me a lot of self-esteem
that I've lost since my divorce.
It's tricky to split the two.
Julia was very convincing,
but I feel like Julia was acting within her specialty
whereas I think...
..Luke actually asserting himself
was way outside his comfort zone.
So I'm making Luke the winner of that task.
Alright, well, for the most part,
I didn't really appreciate being spoken to in that way.
Let's come back after the break and see the final scores.
Welcome back to Taskmaster, the best show on Network Ten
since whatever was on before it.
How's it looking, Tom?
Well, our live task saw Danielle take home 1 point,
Nina 2, Jimmy 3, Julia 4
and the winner of the live task was Luke with 5 points...
Thank you.
..which means the winner of this episode
is Julia Morris with 18 points!
Congratulations to Julia.
You'll rest easy for eternity
knowing you're buried with five very desirable items.
Yes.
A shovel, a phone and some worms are coming your way.
Get on stage and take 'em to your grave!
And that's us - another episode down.
Tonight we learned that thongs, for the most part,
are bound to the earth by the laws of physics.
We learned the answers to three of the most complex riddles
ever devised by three eggs.
And we didn't learn a single thing about the actual rules of cricket.
Most importantly, however, we learned our episode three winner is Julia!
Doesn't she deserve it?
Peace and love to all. We'll be back next week.
Look at her!
We're going in! Huh!
Boom!
Oh!
I don't think the show's gonna get much hornier than that.
Tom, am I moving in the right direction?
Tom?
Captions by Red Bee Media