Arggh!
Egh!
Ohh!
YES!
No! Mwah!
Good evening, and welcome to Taskmaster Australia.
I've manipulated five comedians into attending tonight,
all to compete for this galaxy-brain-containing
golden mimeograph of my head.
Those not wiser, not wise, not even wise-ish comedians are...
...Anne Edmonds... Hello.
...Jenny Tian...
...Josh Thomas...
...Lloyd Langford
and Wil Anderson.
And the person who I tried to manipulate into not being here
by scheduling a Learn to Draw Anime Girls event
at the same time as this taping
is Tom Cashman.
Why... why didn't you go to the drawing class?
I knew it was a... it was... it was a trick.
And I already know how to do it.
Alright, Tom, make yourself useful and tell us about the prize task.
Tonight, our contestants have been asked to bring in
the thing most likely to make your parents "Tut-tut."
And at the end of tonight, the winner of the episode
will take home all five tut-tuttable prizes.
OK, well, Wil Anderson, what have you brought in
to make your parents "Tut-tut"?
My parents are dairy farmers, Tom,
so I thought I'd start there, so I brought in this.
That's a little cow in, like, a skimpy bikini.
And if you press it...
That is... my parents saying, "Tut-tut."
They sounded like a cow chewing on cud.
Alright, so, scantily clad.
They're normally naked. Isn't that worse?
I think if you went to a farm and a cow was in a bikini,
you'd think that was worse.
Alright, uh, Jenny, what do you have?
Yes, so my parents, when they get older,
they always talk about how I'm going to take care of them.
So, I've brought in a pack for
the retirement village I'm going to send them to.
OK.
Uh, we can see there's a 110% dissatisfaction rate,
because I'm gonna send them to
the cheapest retirement home in the country.
Yeah, and I'm also going to give them
the absolute nastiest nurse in the country,
which, uh, is, uh...
OK, so, it's a horrible retirement village that you've made up.
But they're gonna be cared for by their daughter.
That kind of sounds nice. That's every old person's dream.
But, like, I don't have any nursing qualifications.
Yeah, but their misplaced parental pride might overshadow that.
Who said they had pride?
Uh, Lloyd, what do you have?
I'm glad you asked.
I have a photograph of me
standing next to, and not retreating from,
a lit firework.
And it is attached to a copy of the Daily Mail newspaper.
The Daily Mail is full of scare stories
about immigration and global warming and the royal family and stuff,
so they'll already be in a... in a tutting vibe.
OK. And then they'll turn over the page
and they'll be faced with a photograph of me
absolutely disobeying the accepted laws of the firework behaviour.
OK.
Um, Anne, what did you bring in?
I actually brought in my deb dress.
Ooh... Um...
You already... No, I can just...
I can already feel judgemental energy from parents. Just...
Well, my mum, who was a feminist,
she said to me, "I'll give you ¤1,000 if you don't make your deb."
So, at the age of 17,
I gave up ¤1,000 to be paraded around in front of men.
I got ¤1,000 anyway, from... No.
What... what's a deb? Oh, you're a...
Where did you go to school, Tom?
None of your business.
You obviously weren't invited.
It's when they.. It used...
They parade the women around
and society goes, "She's out. Ha-ha!"
Yeah.
"Marry her off!"
Is this how you met Lloyd? Yeah.
That was a very hotly contested auction.
So, Josh, what would make your parents tut?
I brought in, um, your Gold Logie. Oh.
They, um...
...they really don't like you.
So, they don't like my comedy or my whole act.
They just think that you're a piece of shit.
Probably never gonna meet your parents. It doesn't worry me.
You've met my parents. Have I?
No.
Well, Josh's mum, if you are watching,
I think you're a
She is.
There we go. She is. I fixed that.
No, no, no.
Alright, well, I better score these.
Wil on one point because I think a nude cow would be even more...
I'd "Tut-tut" at that myself.
Jenny, I'm going to give two points, because, quite considerate.
I mean, at the moment, it may seem like a long way away,
but I'm telling you, they'll eventually appreciate it.
No, but they're Asian parents, so no, they won't.
I'm not sure what that means 'cause I'm white.
Uh, Josh, I'm giving three points to.
I know he's saying that his parents hate me,
but I'm quite happy about that.
Lloyd's going to get four points,
because being too close to a bottle rocket
is a definite parental dressing-down.
And five points to Anne because...
...mothers hate their daughters.
Yeah.
Rightly so.
Alright, Tom, task time.
One of the real ones that we filmed with cameras.
You know what I always say - if life gives you lemons
turn it into the first team task of the season.
Hello. Hi, Josh.
You look good. Thank you.
Don't run too fast. There's some dangerous implements over here.
We don't want me getting cut by a knife.
I would hate that.
A bunch of lemons?
Oh, my God. Hello!
Hello! How are you?
Oh, my God. Hello. Nice to see you.
Nice to see you too.
Oh, hi! Oh, hello, Anne Edmonds!
Hi! Where did you come from?
I just sort of live out the front there.
Oh!
Oooh!
Oh, my God!
We look like the worst discount Wiggles of all time.
How have you found Tom Cashman? Yeah, good. He's really warm and...
Sometimes I find him really annoying, but sometimes I like him.
Yeah. I mostly like him.
So who wants to read the...? I'll read it!
OK. Bang. Jen, you read it.
OK. Let's go.
This is hard.
Do you find this bit hard?
I haven't found that bit hard, no.
This is the hardest bit for me. Yeah.
"Toss lemons from one waste bin to another."
"All tossing and all catching must be done with waste bins."
"Any lemon that hits the ground, Tom will make into lemonade."
"Furthest successful toss in metres..."
What does that mean? That's just...
It doesn't need to say "metres". All those words.
"Furthest successful toss in metres
"minus the amount of lemonade in litres wins.
"You have 15 minutes."
"Your time starts now."
Maybe we should start off small and give ourselves confidence.
Should we just start really long and see if we win?
Yeah, OK.
So, can you just talk us through the task again?
Um, it's total metres... Total metres.
...minus the amount of litres of lemonade
which would be created by any dropped lemon.
Any lemon that touches the ground, I juice,
and that's the litreage that is minused from the metreage.
I've made this too complicated.
Didn't understand it then, I don't understand it now.
Basically you've got to throw from...
...from what...
Do you want me to have a go? Maybe.
So, you've got to throw a lemon from one basket to another.
The longest distance is the best,
but you subtract the amount of litres of juice
from the lemons on the ground.
Yeah.
OK, so, I like to name the teams,
but I feel like Wil already named his team beautifully
as the Discount Wiggles.
I'm just going to sit back on the other team.
OK. And maybe I'll decide later.
Anyway, metres minus litres. Easy.
Which team is going to start us off?
This team is a lot like lemons.
If they showed up at half time to your local footy match,
you'd think something's gone horribly wrong.
It's Anne and Josh.
Alright. Are you ready?
That doesn't count! That doesn't count.
It's still in there. That hurt.
We've got 15 minutes.
Oh, oh, oh, oh! Ohh!
OK, OK, OK. Wait, we don't have to worry about him, though.
Do you wanna throw or catch?
OK, I can get further. I nearly got that.
I can get further.
Ahh!
Let's do some more!
No.
I'll have a throw now. Yeah.
Oh! You should throw.
Oh! Ohhh!
I mean, we would have been the sa... almost the same.
These have touched the ground. Look how small that is.
These have touched the ground.
What? If they touch the ground? That's correct.
Should we stop?
It bounced out! That's not fair.
How can I toss further?
You could go up on the top... Go up there.
Go on the... balcony. Yeah.
OK. Go, go, go.
This is the most important thing you've ever done.
I know you've done TV shows and lived in LA and stuff,
but this will make or break you, this.
This is all I am.
Oh... That was so close.
Oh...
It hit my wrist.
Oh. I was here.
Is that good? Is that further? I don't know.
Go right out there. Yeah.
Go right out there and then this will be a wrap.
No...
I think we're done. Blow the whistle.
Hey, whistle boy.
There are just two lemons just dropped.
It was... It was just...
No. I did... Why did I point that out?
I don't know why you did that.
Honey, you've gone real serious about that juice.
He's so busy juicing.
Well, this is our winning... Ooh...
This is our winning, lemon.
What happens with the juice?
Look at him. He's like a meerkat.
Not touching the grass? It's not touching a blade of grass.
Oh! Oh!
Oh.
OK, well, I'm not sure that you understood what was going on there,
given, Josh, you said, "What's going on with the juice?"
Do you understand now?
Um...
We assumed that only the lemons that we missed catching in there.
But then somehow the wheelbarrow and that counted
and we sort of hadn't thought that through yet.
I think we should have stopped.
You should have stopped.
Uh, when Josh said, "I think we're doing quite good."
At that point, they'd dropped 14 lemons in a row.
But like, let's be honest, how many did you expect us to drop?
I would have thought more than 14. Yeah. 14 feels right.
So, you got 10.8m distance and 1.7l of juice,
which gives you a final score of 9.1.
I feel good about.
So, I've been thinking about the team name.
We've got Discount Wiggles. I need something equivalent.
So, I'm thinking Premium Economy Hooley Dooleys.
Wiggles... discount.
Premium economy... Hooley Dooleys.
It's about even.
I don't know what a Hooley Dooley is.
I don't know either. Yeah, the.
The fact that you don't know who they are makes it even better.
Hello to the Hooley Dooleys if you're watching at home.
No-one remembers you.
Hey, Hooley Dooleys.
you.
Yeah. And Josh's mum, if you're still watching, you're still a wit.
Alright. Our very own lemon party continues right after this.
Welcome back to Taskmaster,
the Olympic arena where comedians clash
in marathons of confusing life challenges
involving shit like eggs or lemons.
Tom Cashman, where are we up to?
It's the Discount Wiggles
with the ingredients for a very discounted fruit salad.
Yummy, yummy. It's Jenny, Will and Lloyd.
Hey, any lemon hits the ground, Tom will tell you...
No. No. No.
No. That... That...
That wasn't...
Lloyd, what have you done?
That wasn't an attempt.
"From one waste basket to another."
Alright, we're ready. Yeah. Yeah.
Oh, shit. Oh, OK.
Oh, that was great. We've got one. OK.
That's our... That's our first distance.
Oh that's great. OK. Whoa.
I feel like you can at least take another step back.
Go.
Oh, shit.
Alright. That one hit the ground.
That's fine. That's gonna be juice. That doesn't matter.
Alright, big throw. Good catch. That's it.
Oh, that is... OK.
You move that marker, though. That's good.
Oh, no. OK.
That one... That one's hit the ground.
You want to tag in for a second? We'll give it a go.
Oh.
Alright. Hey, that was pretty good.
I'm not letting it hit the ground.
Yes!
Here we go. Whoa!
Got it.
Yes! Beauty. Good work. This is good.
Right here. Thank you very much. Wow.
Alright. Big throw, big fella.
Let's go.
Oh, one of the all-time greats.
There we go. That was great.
That's a great throw, my friend.
Oh, yeah. Great. Got it?
Oh... Yes!
You are amazing.
Seriously, what do you reckon you've got in you, Lloyd?
I think Lloyd wants another one.
I mean, you know what? You may as well.
25 seconds. One what?
Go... Go for glory.
Give us a... Give us a discus version. Yeah. Let's do it.
Let's see what happens.
Could be the greatest moment in Taskmaster history.
Yeah, go, Lloyd.
Can I...?
What?
We did lose.
We would have lost. Come on, lemon boy.
Don't let us have our moment. Just...
How do you feel about the fact that when they threw,
they had two people with two different baskets capable of catching?
Yeah, that's a good point.
They've got two basket opportunities, and we just had me.
But your ineptitude is still the same.
Yeah. Yeah.
You know, I was asking the question.
I do think the answer is that we don't mind.
Well, I think the problem is,
even if we say, "Oh, we think it's unfair they had two baskets,"
Tom will say, "Shut the up."
My mother's watching at home and at the moment she's tut-tutting, Josh.
Do you know what I've always said about your mum?
What? What?!
She's a slut.
She has actually passed away. But anyway... Um...
From all the sex.
OK, so the Discount Wiggles did great.
I mean, that was pretty amazing.
Did we accidentally invent a task
that is actually a Welsh national sport, Lloyd?
Because you were all over that. Yeah, I just started vibing.
I was like, I was born to hoik citrus out of waste receptacles.
It was honestly impressive.
He just stepped up and it was like, "Oh, my God."
I was, like, really attracted to him.
So, the Discount Wiggles threw their lemon 19.8m.
Only 0.9 litres, so their score is 18.9,
more than twice the other team.
Well, I think that, um, yeah, the Discount Wiggles did a great job.
So it's five, five, five. OK.
And the Premium Economy Hooley Dooleys
get three and three. OK.
Yeah, great. I'm happy with that. Yeah.
So, Tom, can you give us an episode score update?
Josh and Wil are on six points each.
Jenny's on seven, Anne's on eight,
but Lloyd is in the lead with nine points.
Ooh...
OK, let's stick another task in their gobs, shall we?
The last task was about fruit,
and we're all about balance, so here's a task about vegetables.
Morning, Tom. Hi, Anne.
Hi, Jenny. Hey, Tom.
Root vegetables.
I don't even know what some of them are. Sweet potato. Beetroot.
And this is a... carrot. Parsnip.
Oh, parsnip. Turnip.
But this one is a mystery to me. This is a celeriac.
If this task is for us to root, Tom, I'm very excited about this.
Oh, OK.
Make love to Tom. You have 30 seconds.
Your time starts now. Is that your usual time?
Pick a root vegetable, then do something breathtaking with it.
Mmm.
You have 30 seconds to choose your root vegetable.
Then 30 minutes to do something with it.
Most breathtaking thing wins.
Your time starts now.
I'm going to pick this one. Celeriac.
Ooh. Oh.
Yeah.
Why did you choose that one? It looked most like a willy.
Tom.
Can't beat a root.
I pick up what you're putting down.
We're going to be special friends.
Special? No, not like that, Tom.
Get your mind out of the gutter.
OK. And then what do I do breathtaking with it?
I think you sort of hold your breath through that.
You're finished?
Then 30 minutes to do something with it.
Oh, I've misread it.
Oh, I've misread it, haven't I?
OK, well, let's try and do something more breathtaking than that.
OK.
So, just to be clear, we've got Josh and a sweet potato, as did Anne,
Jenny grabbed the celeriac
and Wil the beetroot, for its joke potential, obviously,
and Lloyd, the parsnip.
Who's first?
For maximum healthiness,
tonight we will consume five vegetable-based tasks.
Our first course is Jenny.
Woo!
Welcome to the Root Vegetable Olympics.
Today we have the diving event.
In competition we have beetroot, sweet potato
and what's that coming?
Oh, the incredible celeriac
who has a name very hard to pronounce,
therefore making it the superior root vegetable.
First up, we have sweet potato.
Oh...
Lands on the ground like a loser.
Next up, beetroot.
Oh, and...
...it doesn't make it either.
It doesn't belong in burgers or the Olympics.
And finally we have celeriac diving.
Diving...
Now!
It turns. It spins. It's flying through the air.
I have never seen anything so magnificent.
And it lands.
Absolutely breathtaking.
Celeriac is the winner.
Got a good reaction, Jenny. Yeah.
Were you supposed to just choose one root vegetable?
It never said you can't have all of them there.
You have to choose one and do something...
Breathtaking with that one. Yeah, with that one.
But I did with the one.
The other vegetables lost.
I'm with Jenny 100% on this. Yeah.
Celeriac was the only one that did anything breathtaking.
They were... Exactly.
Just before you get excited, Jenny,
every time Josh backs himself, it goes badly.
I agree.
Like, for the celeriac to, you know, win gold in the Olympics
would be breathtaking. Yeah.
But the other root vegetables were in the Olympics,
which I would also say is quite breathtaking.
Would you really call a splat on the ground breathtaking?
Let me just picture it. I'm watching the Olympics.
Someone jumps off the board, they split in half.
You know what I'd do?
I can't breathe. I can't breathe.
In fact, more so than the gold medal.
OK. Who's next?
This guy never struggled to get a root.
At least that's what he's always telling me. It's Wil Anderson.
Hi, there. Hi, Tom.
Wil. I am Wil.
But I'm also a beetroot.
Tom.
Will you make me the happiest beetroot in the world
and take this task from me? OK.
Could you please open it?
Be mine every day
Every night, Tom.
Are you owed orgasms tonight?
Question mark. Question mark. I love you. Please marry me.
Yeah.
You could make me the happiest beetroot on earth.
Thank you. Thank you.
I love you. Thank you.
I think we've just learnt why you never said yes to a sketch show.
I feel like you're way outside your comfort zone.
Yes, of course I am.
I've come on someone else's show.
It's weird to sit over the other side of a panel, you know.
I know, well, I have been thinking, why are you doing this show?
Do you... Do you need money? You know I can lend it to you.
Well, firstly, Tom, I mean, I actually kind of do need money.
But if I didn't need money,
this would not be the show that I would come on.
Because we're all being paid the same, despite our experience.
So...
Is that why you were doing the root jokes before
because it's all... You get what you pay for.
It's break time. So why don't you go to your fridge bottom drawer,
find that sad, shrivelled-up carrot
and set it free by chucking it into the night?
See you after this.
Welcome back to Taskmaster.
We've seen some spuds have a crack with some lemons.
And now we're in the middle of watching these lemons
tool around with some spuds. That's right.
Our contestants are trying to do something breathtaking with a root vegetable.
So far, we've had a spectacular fall from Jenny
and a spectacular fall from grace from Wil.
Who's up next?
Can he beat snapping a bit of it off with his knee?
It's Josh Thomas.
You know, sometimes you see those people
and they make a battery out of a potato.
What people?
You make a circuit.
You connect the copper to the zinc,
and then you connect the copper to the light bulb.
And that makes a circuit.
So now we connect this to this.
OK. Can we turn the light off?
Oh.
Is it not working? Yeah.
It feels like a let-down. OK.
I feel disappointed. Yeah.
It's just me and you in the dark, staring at a potato.
Even your mother would be tut-tutting that.
You've got to give it to me. It was a quick package, though.
Can we make a potato battery? No. We can't.
Now it's time for Jenny Tian.
The good news is you did already snap a sweet potato in half.
And by comparison, that was breathtaking.
So... Yeah.
I'm more than happy to go with the snapped sweet potato.
Oh, well, then let's have another, Lesser Tom.
I've heard of Mr Potato Head.
It's time for some Mrs Potato Dread with Anne Edmonds.
Hi, my name's Sweetie.
I came today because my grandma and I always used to sing together
and she just passed away.
Um... This is my song.
♪ I'm just a sweet
♪ Potato
♪ I'm long and strange and bumpy
♪ That's what the other potatoes call me
♪ Yeah
♪ I'm always left on the shelf
♪ Yeah, I'm sweet
♪ Sweet potato
♪ Yeah, I'm sweet
♪ Sweet potato
♪ Sweet, sweet
♪ Potato
♪ Baby, I was born to
♪ Fry. ♪
Righto.
Thanks, Anne. No worries.
Sorry. Just got to get my breath back.
That was amazing. Moving.
That was very moving.
And, Lloyd, you know,
I've been singing that song around the house too.
Ring a bell?
To me, it just sounded like an old classic.
So, you improv'd all of that?
Holy cow, you're talented.
Yeah. She improv'd the lines.
Sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet...
...sweet potato. Yeah.
OK, we've got one more attempt at taking breath with a dirt nugget.
He's a big fan of underground jazz.
Let's see how he feels about underground vegetables.
It's Lloyd Langford.
I saw, like, an American football player... OK.
...and he threw it over a house.
As soon as it let go of his hand, he ran around the house,
and then he caught it. Right.
And I reckon I could throw this parsnip over that shed
and do the same thing.
What I'm wondering is if I keep trying it and failing,
are you going to use that footage?
That's the right...
Did you run all the way around?
So quickly that I missed it? I went fully round the shed then.
I did it again.
I'm not a very athletic person.
do this. Get your head together.
Get in the game. We'll do this.
You think it's possible? Yeah.
That was heartbreaking.
How much time have I got? 26 seconds.
Right.
It's almost like you were performing to a crowd there.
I was just fantasising, doing it like in a stadium, you know.
Do you think you'll beat the others here?
I'd like to see Josh Thomas throw a parsnip over a shed
and catch it on the other side.
He hasn't got a sniff.
You could rename the task for everyone else.
You could say Lloyd threw a parsnip over a shed and caught it.
Can you do the same?
So, you're challenging the others specifically?
I'm laying down the gauntlet.
So, parsnip throwing.
I feel like we've stumbled on another Welsh national sport.
It took me so long I injured my wrist and I had to...
One of the crew had to, like, tape my wrist up for the remaining tasks
and it really took the shine off.
I feel bad for Anne having to sit there and watch you do that.
I was just about to say it's over. So...
Yeah, it's over the shed.
No, no, no, no, no, no. It's over.
OK, well, you said that we should turn it into a task.
And I agree with you, Lloyd. So we did.
Oh, Wil.
Oh!
Lloyd threw a parsnip over a shed and caught it. Can you do the same?
If you do it in fewer attempts than Lloyd...
Lloyd is wrong.
I love it when Lloyd's wrong.
You have 10 minutes.
Your time starts now.
Whoo!
Oh, my...
That was the single coolest moment of my whole life.
One-handed. Oh, yeah.
So, Lloyd took 24 attempts to catch a parsnip
after being thrown over the shed.
Everybody else did it in less than 24.
Well, I think the only thing to do there
is to give all the others a bonus point and not Lloyd.
So, to go back to the primary task, I have to grade all of them.
I think Wil's on one point
because I don't ever want to see him do sketch comedy ever again.
Well, you're going to have to close your eyes a couple of times
over the next few weeks.
Uh, Josh, I'm giving two points to.
The knee snap was underwhelming compared to all the others.
Lloyd's on three because it was a good initial task
before he started the smack talk.
Jenny's on four because it was an Olympic standard.
But my breath was actually taken away
just by that beautiful sweet potato singing its little heart out.
Anne, five points.
Thank you. Thank you.
Now, you've had your fruit, you've had your vegies,
the foundations of the food pyramid.
So, let's squeeze in some more TV junk food for an ad break.
See you after this.
Welcome back to Taskmaster.
We've watched lemons go into the trash,
and Lloyd's reputation as a parsnip thrower
go even further into the trash.
What could be next? Another task. And my apologies.
This one involves a bit of a pong, a ping-pong.
Hi. Hi, Jenny.
Hello. Hi, Josh.
OK.
Hey. Hi.
Hello.
What now?
What's going on here?
Get those balls into that jar. You're not allowed to use your hands.
Get the balls from this jar into that jar.
You may not touch the balls with your hands. Fastest wins.
Your time starts now.
You've got it all figured out.
You mother .
Yeah. Um...
Never underestimate us, Lloyd.
Uh, seems simple enough.
Move the balls from this container to that container, Pretty much. Yes.
Who's first?
First up, we've got Will, Lloyd and Jenny.
"Move the balls from this jar into that jar.
"You may not touch the balls with your hands."
Uh, there's no bottom on that, is there?
If I pick that up, all the balls would have gone everywhere.
We'd hate that.
Oh, I see what you've done.
You know what? Commit to it.
Time to start scooping up some balls.
OK, this vacuum cleaner,
it feels like I can only suck one ball at a time if I did that.
I'm going to be back.
If anything, that feels like it's going to take longer.
Maybe I could use this as, like, a container.
It would better if I had some sort of funnel.
How's your day been? Pretty good.
Mainly just been putting balls in jars.
I know that feeling.
Oh, man.
Is this really the fastest way to do this?
The jar is wearing a bib.
The jar is wearing a bib, Tom. Yes, exactly.
Let's give it a go.
The bibs have been effective.
We've got some balls loose, Tom.
What are you thinking?
I'm thinking, like, all of the best proctologists,
I'm going to fix this bottom.
Oh, I just realised that the bouncy balls are big enough for the vacuum.
Oh, Tom, why is this going so badly?
I'm just going to try something else.
Is there a time limit on this task? No.
It's because I overheard the crew talking about overtime.
It might be necessary.
Sucking them balls. Anyway, I won't say that again.
I like this bit.
Oh, yeah. Here we go.
Look, I suppose that's one of the downsides of using so much tape.
I want to try and complete the task to the best of my ability,
and then we can all move on with our lives, I suppose.
We'll leave no ball ungrabbed.
Do you think any proctologists ever say that?
You'd be struck off the register.
To finish it off. One, two.
Whoever's in the props department needs their arse kicked for that.
A basic error.
Alright, that's clear.
Yay!
They've just cut a circle at the very bottom.
It would have been impossible to see.
Impossible you think.
I could have put something underneath if I...
...if I knew there was a hole underneath.
OK, well, I feel in summary, it's Wil Nerd,
Lloyd Dope, Jenny Well Meaning.
At what point did you know things weren't going well for you, Jenny?
Before this series,
I thought I was really quite a competent human being.
And then I did tasks like this.
It was the last task of the day, might I add.
OK.
I was on such little sleep and all I wanted was a nap,
and then I just couldn't keep track of anything.
I went into this show not thinking I had any competence
and constantly proved that I have, like, half competence.
I'm always like, I can identify what the problem is
but I can't necessarily find what the solution to that problem is.
OK, so you're like opposite Jenny. In almost every way.
So, Lloyd, you came in pretty cocky,
thinking that you knew what the task was going to be all about,
and then you very quickly hoisted yourself on your own petard.
When the balls fell out the bottom...
Oh, we loved it.
I did a bit as well.
I was excited, and then it was like, like your first sexual experience.
Like mine.
Oh, you mean people in general?
You said that to me very directly.
You said, "It was like your first sexual experience."
And I'm like, I remember being there and you not being there.
So, Jenny took 34 minutes and 41 seconds.
Lloyd took 23 minutes and 9 seconds,
and Wil was slightly faster, 22 minutes and 14 seconds.
Um, that leaves Jenny in last place,
but not to kick her while she's down,
but, um, you might want to see this.
"You may not touch the balls with your hands."
Oh .
Did I just disqualify myself?
No, I didn't realise that the...
These things are possible.
Oh, but I can't touch the ball.
Oh, I touched it.
You know, I hope I don't get disqualified
for touching those balls at the beginning.
Jenny touched 17 balls in total.
You said during that that you hoped that it doesn't disqualify you.
But don't you commend my effort
that even though the first thing I did was touch balls,
I still spent how long again? 39... 34 minutes.
...34 minutes completing the rest of the task.
It's true. It's one of the best disqualifications I've ever seen.
Alright. We're done with this part of the show.
We're going to move to that part of the show,
which happens right after the break.
Hello. We are back here on Taskmaster.
Before the break, Wil and Lloyd
did some low-efficiency ball transplants,
and Jenny got too handsy, leaving her empty handed.
We're in the midst of a task
where our contestants are trying to move balls from jar to jar
without using their hands.
The door to first place could still be ajar too.
Next up, it's Anne and Josh.
Oh.
Your time starts now.
There's a hole in the bottom.
That's the stunt.
Yeah, well, I won't do that again.
Fastest wins. OK.
OK.
That's taken a turn for the worse there.
This is quite good, though. Is it?
There is a vacuum cleaner.
It's fun.
No. Wrong container.
I'm done. Are you?
What was the task? All the balls?
Well, now, aren't I in a spot of bother?
It's gonna take ages.
So, we're all just gonna stay here while I do this, are we?
I guess.
This is just doing chores, isn't it?
A little bit.
Do you feel good right now?
I feel normal.
I don't really want to pick them all up.
I know that sounds immature,
but I just don't really want to do it, you know?
You're not satisfied with the implements?
The implements are great.
What if I sweep onto the...
The plastic seems like the only real...
Don't touch!
What? I did touch one. Does that mean I'm disqualified?
I'd love to be disqualified.
Am I disqualified?
Uh-oh.
I'm just going to admit defeat
and say, you know, I'm now... I'm at the mercy of the Taskmaster. OK.
Oh, my God, I'm disqualified.
Would you like to be disqualified?
So, Anne, I feel like a lot went wrong for you.
Were you having a day?
Can I just say,
♪ Sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet potato. ♪
Remember that? I do remember that.
But it's kind of... It did erase my memory of it.
I couldn't get all those balls up.
I just don't have that kind of staying power.
That's how I roll a bit. Just... OK.
Throw in the towel. Why not, sometimes?
May I remind you also who finished it?
Fair point.
Josh, you were disqualified
and then you were very happy to be disqualified?
Yeah. Only a chump would stay there picking up balls
after they've been disqualified.
No, sorry. You didn't... know. You didn't know.
Well, you did know, didn't you?
Yeah. Yeah. So I...
OK. Well, what are the scores?
Well so, Anne quit after 13 minutes and 19 seconds.
Josh disqualified himself after 4 minutes and 14 seconds.
Wow.
Well, I think it's pretty easy.
Jenny did do one of the best disqualifications
I've ever seen in my life,
so I'm going to leave you at zero.
Whereas I feel like Josh's disqualification was minus one.
Oh...
And also, I feel that Anne, in giving up, sets a bad example.
Minus one.
Oh...
You can't just give up on a Task. I can.
I did. OK, well do it again.
There'll be more negatives for you, won't there?
Well, that means four points for Lloyd
and five points to an unstoppable Wil Anderson.
So, a live task is moments away.
But first, how's the episode score looking, Lesser Tom?
Well, we've had some movement. Josh is on eight.
There's some jostling in the middle,
but now Lloyd has taken the lead with 16 points.
Alright. Let's wrap things up with a live task.
Everyone get on the stage.
So, Lesser Tom, what's all this crap?
Well, before we reveal the task,
I would ask each contestant to pick one thing from the bath, please.
This will backfire.
It always does. Yee-hah.
So, Anne has a hat. Jenny has a leg.
Josh has a chicken.
Lloyd has a gnome and Wil has a plunger.
Jenny, If I could ask you to read this.
Yes. Oh-oh.
Alright. "Paint a painting of a thing that rhymes with your thing.
"Using only your thing.
"Best painting wins.
"However, if the Taskmaster cannot tell what your thing is,
"you will lose two points.
"You have three minutes."
Anyone have any more questions before we commence?
Are we supposed to be naked under these?
Whatever you do under there is your business.
Alright. Your three minutes starts now.
That's a silly thing to paint with.
It's the conundrum in which you found yourself. Yes.
You've got two minutes left.
off.
I'm not going to win this.
I should have probably clarified this earlier,
but please don't draw anything really, really rude.
Arrgh!
Josh, did you hear that? What?
That's not rude. One minute remaining.
No, I want to go home.
I believe in you, Josh.
You can do it. Thank you. You're wrong to.
Three seconds. Two, one.
OK, well, let's bring these jokers back down to their seats,
which is the opposite of what you should do.
You should get out of your seat, maybe walk around during the break.
See you soon.
Welcome back to Taskmaster, where our mouth air is like fishhooks.
Yes. We're waiting with bated breath.
Well, you need to judge our live tasks
where objects were painted
using objects that rhyme with those painted objects.
So, first of all, you need to guess what each painting is of.
So first, can we see Anne's painting?
OK. Um...
I think that's a cat.
You've nailed it in one. OK.
Could we see Jenny's painting?
A little bit abstract,
but I'm pretty sure that would be the first thing that pops into your head
to rhyme with leg.
And that would be peg. That is correct.
Could we please see Josh's painting?
Come on, Tommy.
OK. Well, something that rhymes with chicken.
Um, it's like you're painting really slowly,
and someone yelled out 'Quicken!"
That's all I can think of really?
That is incorrect.
Does anybody know what it is?
What is it?
It's lickin'.
That's a big tongue. That's a big tongue. Slurp, slurp.
And then that's a lollipop.
And to that I say thank God.
Lloyd's painting. Can we see Lloyd's, please?
Well, I think we're obviously looking at a house.
The Taskmaster is just being cute. That's correct.
Yeah, that's a home, obviously.
Wil was painting with a plunger.
If you get this,
I'm not going to sit here for the credits.
A grave threat.
I'm not sure I'd be able to identify it if I didn't know what it was.
Can I say when I clarified with Wil what it was,
it seemed like he'd forgotten.
Maybe sponger?
Aghh! Aghh!
Argggghhhh! Arrgggghhhhh!
No way. You get out of here.
You tell your story walking.
That's what just happened.
Sponger!
Oh... my... God.
Alright, well, I have to allocate some scores.
Um, I had no idea what Josh was painting,
so that's obviously minus two.
And, um, just to be clear, he did quit,
and I made it very clear before that if you quit, that's minus one.
Um, so I think it's minus three for Josh.
OK.
I mean, I think that sounds fair to me.
Oh...
He has an opportunity to come back right now if he wanted.
And he's chosen not to do it. So...
Hopefully there'll be more quitting later in the season.
Sponger Wil is on two because let's be honest, I jagged that one.
Jenny is on three for the peg.
The cat was a great painting. It was.
But I think the most beautiful painting was The Home by Lloyd.
Now, who wins the good stuff?
Well, not doing their best was Josh.
But on 21 points, the winner is Lloyd Langford.
Alright. Congratulations, Lloyd.
Get up there and rip into that perfect collection
of material items that are finally going to bring meaning to your life.
And that brings us to the end of episode two. What a show.
And we've learned so much.
Tom has genuinely learned
what a debutantes' ball is
and that he's never been asked to one.
And I learned that Lloyd was born to hoick fruit,
but cursed to fumble vegies.
Well done, Lloyd, you're the big winner.
Enjoy your parent-displeasing bounty.
Everyone else, see you next time.
Captions by Red Bee Media
One, two, three, four.
Our comedians have been tasked
with making a convincing and effective jingle.
♪ Blimey... ♪
Lloyd, are you the only Welshman that can't sing?
That's beautiful.
I hate this show.
Josh, was worldwide humiliation what you were aiming for?
I can't tell you how much I thought I was going to win this series.