Argh!
Ah!
Yah!
Whoa! Mwah!
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
Hello and welcome to Taskmaster.
My name is Tom Gleeson,
and as our nation drifts further into a gig economy,
like many Australians, I have picked up a side hustle.
My side hustle is entertaining you.
However, unlike an Uber driver, you don't rate me out of five,
I rate you, because I am the Taskmaster.
(APPLAUSE)
Competing this season for the dubious glory of winning the show,
and this dubious gold head of mine,
are Anne Edmonds.
(APPLAUSE)
Jenny Tian.
(APPLAUSE)
Josh Thomas.
(APPLAUSE)
Lloyd Langford.
(APPLAUSE)
And Wil Anderson.
(APPLAUSE)
Last of all, it's my assistant, lesser Tom Cashman.
(APPLAUSE)
How are you going? I'm OK.
I was going to pull you up on a technicality there
that I may be lesser Tom, but I'm the main Tom Cashman.
But it occurred to me, I recently got told, and this is true,
that I share a name with an Irish hurler.
Oh. And I looked it up on Wikipedia.
And this is true as well.
He's actually apparently one of the greatest Irish hurlers
of all time.
So I think it's unfortunately inarguable
that I'm also lesser Tom Cashman.
(LAUGHS)
Out of the two Tom Cashmans, you're the lesser one.
Well, I think there's probably more than two,
but I'm maximum second.
(LAUGHTER)
OK. Alright, Tom, tell us about this week's prize task.
Well, this week our contestants have brought
the thing that would most improve a camping trip.
Ooh.
OK. Lloyd, you're first.
I have brought along
a valid keycard to a nearby hotel.
(LAUGHTER)
So I'm guessing you don't like camping.
I just think as a...as a species, we've evolved beyond it.
Well, you remember that it's me who decides who gets what points.
And I love camping.
This may not augur well for all five of you, but anyway.
Jenny, what did you bring in?
OK, like Lloyd, I hate camping.
I feel like only a psychopath enjoys camping.
So what I have brought in
is a hypnotist to...
(LAUGHTER)
Right, so then he can convince you and hypnotise you
into, you know, loving camping.
But I already love camping.
But...but having said that, I'd love to take a hypnotist camping.
He could hypnotise me and make me imagine
that I'm in an even better national park.
Uh, Josh, what did you bring in?
Um, I think the best thing to go camping with would be
Australian television legend Denise Drysdale.
Oh.
We're going camping.
I've got the boat ready, everything.
# A-camping we will go
# A-camping we will go... #
(APPLAUSE)
Everything's better with Denise Drysdale,
that's what I always say.
Can you explain to Jenny who she is?
I have no idea. I'm so sorry.
Well, she's, um, an Australian television legend.
She's been in a lot of TV shows.
One of the TV shows she was in was my TV show,
which you didn't watch, I'm finding out now.
(LAUGHS) And, uh, she's just a bundle of joy.
And she loves camping?
She's up for things.
It doesn't matter, really, what it is. She's up for it.
That's one of the things about Denise Drysdale.
A couple of wines and she is up for it.
Wil, what do you got?
Tom, I know you love camping.
And, of course, I also love camping.
Correct. Yeah.
And this definitely isn't
the opposite of the direction I was going 30 seconds ago.
Like, sometimes you can't go out into the bush,
so I've got you a projector of the night sky.
But you need this to be played somewhere.
That's...that's the key to my house.
So compared to your house,
going to my house will feel like you're slumming it,
like you're in a campsite,
and you'll be able to look at the stars on the roof.
OK, so you're suggesting I go camping inside your house?
Yes. Yeah, maybe.
Uh, Anne, what did you bring in?
Yes. Well, I love camping.
Yes.
The problem with camping is there's no light, right?
So from about 8:00 onwards, there's nothing to do.
To create entertainment,
I bring camping an MP3 player with some funny noises on it
to sort of crawl around the campsite
and play, like, while people are trying to sleep, just get in there.
The first one is sort of a possum mating type noise. We'll have that.
(SNORING NOISE)
The second one's like a big cat.
So with this I'm trying to create a bit of fear
in the campsite with this one.
(RIAOW!)
The third one's really good.
This is probably one of my favourites. Let's have it.
MAN: (HUSKILY)
OK, well, I should allocate some points.
Uh, Lloyd, I'm giving one point to,
because there's no getting around it, that's a hotel room key.
Two points go to Wil, because I would have to go into his house
to enjoy his thing.
Uh, Jenny, you've got a hypnotist.
But I would use the hypnotist differently
just to, uh, hypnotise me for my own entertainment while I was camping.
Uh, and four points I'm giving to Anne,
because it would be very exciting when you're camping
hearing some of those sounds.
Uh, but five points goes to Josh
because Denise Drysdale would be an absolute treat on a camping trip!
Yeah. (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
Of course. Alright.
So let's dig into our first task.
Like other tasks, this one features five crazy characters.
Unlike other tasks, we've also got a maximum of 160.
(SINGS) # Doo-doo-doo-doo-doo! #
Oh! Finally, the skinny-dip challenge.
Interesting. No Tom.
I can't see him.
I can see a task, though.
Ooh, geese.
WIL: Oh, there's a phone.
Old-school.
(READS) "Find Tom."
"Find Tom.
"You may text Tom to help you find him,
"but Tom can only reply to your text with false information."
"You are only permitted to travel whilst waiting for a text back."
"Fewest characters texted before finding Tom wins."
"Your time starts now."
JOSH: Unlock. Press this.
What did Jenny do when you gave her this phone?
She doesn't know how to use this.
JENNY: I don't know if I know how to use one of these. OK.
So it's pretty straightforward, really. Who's first?
Just like the games on that old phone,
one of them's a snake and the other one's a snake 2,
it's Jenny and Lloyd.
Ooh, OK.
It's on. Unlock. Contacts.
Oh, Taskmaster Assistant.
I have a feeling he's indoors.
Otherwise it would be too easy to spot him right now.
OK. "U insid." Sent successfully.
Well done, Jenny.
And now we wait.
It's kind of like waiting for a text from, like, a guy you really like,
but then he kind of like ghosts you.
That's what this feels like.
"No, I'm out in the open air."
OK, so he is inside.
Oh, wait. (BLEEP)
"You are only permitted to travel whilst waiting for a text back."
OK.
"Upstair?" Sent.
Alright!
"Yeah."
So he's downstairs.
I wonder if he'll understand me if I don't send a question mark.
OK, I'm gonna risk it.
Tom!
Oh!
He could be in the shed or in the caravan.
Vehicle.
What?
"No, I'm not in a vehicle."
He is in a vehicle!
Which?
"I'm showering."
Does that mean he's taking a shit?
I'm just going to text "Clue".
I don't know where else he could be.
That is not helpful.
Is there any vehicles over where the dock is?
So I sent the message, "Where aren't you?"
How's it going? Hi, Lloyd.
Is he under the boat?
Oh, my God!
Ah!
Hey, Tom.
You just got a message.
I don't need to read it.
I know where you are.
Thanks, Jenny. Thanks, Tom.
See you. See you.
Nobody is going to beat that.
So, Jenny, lesser Tom said that he was showering,
and you were like, "What's the opposite of that?
"Taking a shit." Yeah.
So do you live in a binary world
where you're either showering or shitting?
(LAUGHS) It's like one or the other.
Well, I was just thinking,
"Shower - clean, shit - dirty," you know?
So if he said "I was shitting", you'd be like,
"Oh, he's in the shower."
Honestly? Yeah, probably.
And I'm pretty sure... I'm pretty sure I checked,
like, every toilet for Tom as well at the time.
Now, Lloyd, you seem to pretty much go straight to the boat
and you found him.
What was the reasoning there?
I've been hurt by you in the past.
Yeah, I don't know. I just...it just came to me.
It hit me. I was like, "He's definitely under the boat."
I didn't hear any noises or anything. I just...
Yeah, did you, like, was your phone pinging or something like that?
No, I was on silent. You sure?
I don't think I've ever been more sure that my phone was on silent.
Than hiding 10 metres away from people that are searching for me.
Alright. What are the scores so far?
So Jenny was relatively economical with her texts.
She used a total of 41 characters.
Lloyd sent one text.
"Where aren't you?" Question mark.
With correct spelling and punctuation,
a total of 17 characters.
Speaking of phones, now's a great time to look at yours
while ignoring the loved ones who live in your house,
because we're taking a break.
See you soon with more Tom hunting and more Taskmaster.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
Welcome back to Taskmaster Australia.
Lesser Tom, catch the people up.
Our contestants are trying to find me by texting me,
and they're only allowed to move
while they're waiting for a text back.
Who have you got for us next?
Thankfully, they've been famous for ages,
so they're used to having tantrums at reception,
it's Wil and Josh.
WIL: It would help if I wasn't an old man and knew how to use a phone.
So, if I say "outside", then I'll find out if he's in the house.
Send successfully.
(DING!) Oh, one new message!
Hopefully I'm not going further away from him.
He's just gonna tell me junk the whole time.
I'll just say, "Where?"
Send. Run!
Go, go, go, go
(DING!) It says, "In the kitchen."
Just saying, "K." (DING!)
OK.
I mean, that one just amused me, really.
Oh! (LAUGHS)
If he's only gonna give me false information,
there's no point sending any characters.
OK, there's a blank text. I can just run.
I'm just gonna give him a little compliment.
You know what that means. He DOES appreciate the compliment.
We're getting at least a little vibe going here.
I mean, it is gonna annoy me if I go back
to where I was and Tom is there.
It just seems like the kind of thing
that he would just be, like, where we started.
You know, it's weird, but I miss him.
When you can't work it out, you always go back to the beginning.
It's gonna be sad if I just have to repeat everything
that I just did.
This is - if nothing else - is a very nice stroll.
OK, I sent an MMS.
An MMS is not a character.
Capture. Send.
# Oh, what a glorious day to be here. #
We'll just send him a little "r u up" sext.
Just to give him a little buzz.
If I go back there again and he's not down there again,
I may jump in the lake.
MMS. Send.
That IS where he is. That's what THAT means.
Alright.
Ah, shit.
I bloody knew it!
Hi, Josh.
Tom, they don't pay you enough.
Get out from under the boat. That's so stupid.
I'll see you next time. Thanks, Josh.
Josh, did you put Lesser Tom back under the boat?
Out of everyone, you were the only one that didn't help him out.
I can only assume that you like it in there,
otherwise why would you go in there?
You're not wrong.
Now, you started sending pictures. Yes. An MMS.
So, the whole idea was you were thinking, "That's not a character."
An MMS is not a character. That's right.
Some people say a picture is a thousand words.
(LAUGHTER)
Yes, but they never say, "An MMS is 10,000 characters."
Alright, OK, so, Wil, you were like Lloyd,
you just decided that it was sort of going to be annoying
if he was under the boat.
When did it twig for you?
I think all of us have had the experience of
one of the tasks that absolutely broke us during this experience,
and this was mine.
I got home after this day
and my phone told me I'd done a record amount of steps.
(LAUGHTER)
There was a point where, you know, when, like,
the crew are even looking at you like, "Stop."
The only hope you have of not coming last in this
is if someone else has sent a bunch of pictures.
(LAUGHTER)
(APPLAUSE)
Wil sent a total of 140 characters. And what about for Josh?
Well, Josh sent 21 characters
before the MMS strategy was implemented.
OK.
I just would like to know if the audience thinks
that a picture is literally worth a thousand words.
Well, can we confirm with you, Taskmaster,
whether we're accepting the MMS strategy?
Oh, I was just joking.
I'd forgot I'd said it, to be honest.
I was, um...I was just saying it to shit you,
and it's just funny to see you're still holding onto it.
Because you go on this show and you think,
"Oh, sometimes I'm going to do a funny little trick on Taskmaster,"
and that's the only one I had all season.
(LAUGHTER)
It's the small things.
Alright, who's left, Tom Cashman?
She's SMS herself - seriously mental sometimes - it's Anne Edmonds.
(PHONE BUZZES)
Hello?
Where are you? Where are you?
I'm just about to text you,
but I just thought I'd give that a go first.
Oh, nice.
You should yell out. You should yell something.
You should yell my name.
You want me to yell your name? Yeah.
What will you do for me?
I will give you a head massage.
OK. Here goes.
Anne!
(LAUGHS)
You should yell it again if you want two head massages.
Anne!
You should yell it again.
I don't think I'm interested in a third head massage, thank you.
Really?
What's your worst memory of high school?
I got in trouble for throwing sand up in the air in a classroom.
Got in trouble throwing sand up in the air?
Oh, no, you were just trying to express yourself.
I'm sorry about that. Oh, thank you.
What's the worst thing that happened to you in high school?
I climbed up on the roof and smoked a cigarette.
Oh, that sounds fun, though.
Yeah, it was fun, but I got in big trouble.
Oh, no. What's the happiest moment of your life?
Having my baby, I mean, obviously.
You know, like, that's the best moment of my life,
when Gwen was born.
It's 100% the best moment of my life.
Wow.
I think it's time for that head massage, what do you reckon?
TWO head massages. Two head massages, sorry, yeah.
(WHISTLE BLOWS)
Good to see you.
Thanks. Yeah, I'll give you those head massages.
Um, I mean, I'm not really going to.
Oh. What?
Thanks, Anne.
See you, Tom.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
Very clever tactic.
Was there anything that said that you're not allowed to ring?
Nothing about ringing in the task. OK, alright.
So, yeah, so, you made a call and that worked pretty well.
She used zero characters,
but we did something that involves two characters - a D&M.
Yeah, we had a nice chat.
Yeah, we got to know each other. It was lovely, lying next to the boat.
But... (LAUGHTER)
It's OK to feel angry towards me because I'm smart.
If the contestant is only able to travel...
Thank you.
..whilst waiting for a reply to a text message,
and a text message is never sent,
then presumably the contestant can never travel.
(EXCLAMATIONS)
The betrayal!
Hang on.
You're looking at divorce, mate.
It's good when the, yeah, the moment of divorce is recorded.
(LAUGHTER)
I mean, they're right.
(READS) "Find Tom. You are only permitted to travel
"whilst waiting for a text back."
But I never sent the... "While waiting for a text..."
LLOYD: Back. "..back."
Hmm, what do you think, audience?
(LAUGHTER)
Oh, you know what?
Let's see what the audience thinks by...
Maybe...should we watch it again?
Yeah, well, the audience can watch the footage and decide.
(READS) "You're only permitted to travel
"whilst waiting for a text back."
Your time...starts now.
Hmm.
Oh.
Oh, it's so weird when Tom's not here to ask questions.
I don't know whether I'm allowed to move.
(LAUGHS)
You said, "I don't know if I'm allowed to move."
So, I agree. Audience, what do you think?
WIL: Oh, no.
Yes, this lady wants to weigh in.
(LAUGHTER)
Yes, Mum.
Correct. Oh, hang on.
(LAUGHTER)
We're not just going to consult a random audience member.
(LAUGHTER)
Can I say that there is a line that was in very small print,
it says, "Find one lady who agrees with you."
(LAUGHTER)
Always read the back of the task.
So, just confirming, that's a disqualification for Anne.
That's right. Anne moved.
It's not even controversial!
It is!
She didn't follow what was supposed to be done in the task!
There was no text to respond to.
So, that's zero points for Anne as a DQ,
two points for Wil with 140... Just 'cause I'm smart.
..three for Jenny with 41 characters,
four for Josh with 21 characters.
But the winner of the task with five points and only 17 characters,
it's Lloyd Langford.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
So, the question we all want to ask is, Lloyd, was it worth it?
(LAUGHTER)
Our poor daughter's gonna have to live between different households.
And I won't move unless I'm waiting for you to text me back.
(LAUGHTER)
There we go. See?! Follows the rules.
OK, what does that do for our scoreboard for the episode?
Well, if this was the 1980 Olympic medal board,
Josh would be the Soviet Union
because he's out in front with nine points.
What?! Am I?
Wow.
Now cue up another task, Lesser Tom.
OK, but I'm not going to allude to any aspect of it in the intro.
I don't want to give anything away.
Nice jacket. Thank you.
Hey, Terrapin.
Hi, Lloyd. Cool jacket.
Thank you. It's really nice.
You're looking cool, man.
Thank you. I like that.
Interesting jacket.
You think? Mm. (LAUGHS)
Whoa!
ALL: (READ) "Don't do it.
"Last person to do it wins."
"Your time started when you entered the lab."
Do what? It's a good question.
I reckon it was mentioning your jacket.
Do you think? Yeah.
(APPLAUSE)
Yeah, this is pure Taskmaster, I feel.
It really messes with their heads,
and probably damaging for their mental health,
which makes me absolutely love this task.
What was on the table?
On the table there was a disco ball,
a turnip, a wind-up toy,
a cryptex, as made famous by The Da Vinci Code,
and a steering wheel, as made famous by cars.
(LAUGHTER) Let's have a look who's first.
This is going to be difficult for them.
One has 'do' in his first name, the other has 'it' in her last,
it's Lloyd and Jenny.
If it was mentioning your jacket, would you blow the whistle
and that would be the end of the task?
That's a good question.
I feel like maybe I HAVEN'T done it.
I could just stand around and do nothing.
I mean, that would mean that I don't do whatever IT is.
Unless that was it.
I don't think it would be nothing.
There'd be certain things I could rule out
that I could do that I don't think would be the thing
that you're not supposed to do.
Crawling through the space underneath the table.
Do you think that was it? Definitely not.
I'm still here, aren't I?
It's got to be something like touching one of these.
Or like, turning one of these on or off,
because they're all very fiddly, fidgety things.
They're things that you want to touch.
You are allowed to knock the swede or the turnip off the table.
Is it to take your jacket off?
Like, someone might be tempted to wear your jacket.
Like, that could be it. Do you want to wear my jacket?
No, I'm not going to do anything. OK.
I'll go pick it up.
(BLOWS WHISTLE)
Thanks, Lloyd.
(BLOWS WHISTLE)
How was I meant to know that?
You weren't. Oh, man.
Why were you wearing the jacket?
I think I look cool.
(GROANS) Alright, bye.
See ya, Jenny.
I don't know what the trigger was.
Hmm, knocking the swede off the table
was the beginning of the end.
Like a lot of great men in history.
Thanks, Lloyd.
(APPLAUSE)
Lloyd, I feel like you left not knowing what the task was.
I have been wondering for four months what I did.
(LAUGHTER)
I didn't see the sign, unlike Ace Of Base.
I'll explain that later.
Oh, yeah, I was gonna go, "What's that?"
Alright, well, let's see how long you were there for.
Uh, Lloyd turned around after eight minutes and 17 seconds.
So, what was going on in your head, Jenny, during that task?
What were you thinking?
Well, the task was like, do the thing,
so I'm just going to do nothing at all.
Yeah.
But I didn't really count on me getting so bored during that time,
so then I just had to look around.
And I feel like this is how I find out I have ADHD.
(LAUGHTER)
So, how long did it take?
(GROANS)
How long did it take Jenny to get bored?
Jenny did it after two minutes and 15 seconds.
(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)
That felt like forever for you, did it?
Yeah, it really...it was so long and I was so bored.
And he was just wearing a stupid jacket.
Can I explain the jacket,
other than the fact that I thought it looked cool?
The cryptex - inside the cryptex on the table,
there was a piece of paper that explained
that doing it was turning around,
and the code to the cryptex was the word 'jacket'.
(SCATTERED LAUGHTER) Man.
Uh, OK, well, we're going to watch more people
try not to turn around very soon.
(LAUGHTER)
It's like the opposite of The Voice.
Um, as for you, at home, don't turn around either,
the TV's this way.
Stay looking at it for a few minutes while we take a break.
See you soon.
where five comedians are trying their best
to win one night in a tent with a professional hypnotist.
Tom Cashman, how are they going about it?
Our contestants are trying their best not to "do it".
Little do they know that "doing it" equals turning around.
Lloyd is the one to beat at the moment,
taking just over eight minutes.
Alright, who's next?
They're on this show to turn their careers around.
Will they mess that up by turning around?
Here's Wil and Josh.
(LAUGHTER)
What are you thinking?
Hello?
Hmm.
I can see a consistent...
..maybe, between these things.
So, I don't want to turn around, is what I think.
Why do you think that?
Because they're all things that you would turn,
and one's a turnip.
AUDIENCE: Ohh!
Are you OK?
It's combining some of my favourite things.
Stillness and not doing anything. OK.
(LAUGHTER)
I can't tell if you're sad or happy here.
It's kind of like a weird combo of both.
I actually did start crying.
Why are you crying?
It just was painful,
how boring it was. OK.
I mean, I guess I don't even have to keep talking.
I could just be standing here in silence.
But that would be weird, wouldn't it, though?
How long would Wil Anderson have lasted?
Do you like sports?
What's your favourite food?
Did you know that I know every second letter of the alphabet,
but only one way?
I think, as you get older, maybe you have less friends.
How do you feel about the fact that, in Australia,
we have so many different time zones?
You've got, I will say, quite strong eyebrows.
That feel nice? It feels really good.
I've asked you a lot of questions.
Is there anything you would like to ask me?
Would it be OK if I took off this extremely hot jacket?
Yes. Thank you.
Uh, Josh? Yes?
It's lunch time in about five minutes,
which means that the crew, legally speaking, need to be provided lunch.
OK.
Surely nobody else has got the ridiculous patience for this
that I have had to not do this.
Right?
Are you gonna have some? I'm not gonna have some.
It's not the thing.
It'd be very cruel if that was the thing.
Have you ever watched this show?
I'm not going to continue to do this for much longer.
But if I do stop... Mm.
..and somebody else has done it for longer...
(SIGHS) ..I don't know how I'm gonna feel about that, Tom.
(LAUGHTER)
How long did Wil Anderson stay?
(LAUGHTER)
(APPLAUSE)
(BLOWS WHISTLE)
You'll definitely tell me if I've done the thing?
(BLOWS WHISTLE)
I didn't turn around for a whole hour?
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
So, Josh, you saw what it was.
You definitely saw the sign just at the end.
Yes, I saw the sign and it said, "Do not turn around."
I think I said to you at one point,
"I think Wil probably did two hours."
And I said, "I think I can do that."
And you said, "Please don't."
(LAUGHTER)
I did start crying.
I started crying at the nine-minute mark.
I just started weeping.
Then I thought, "I wouldn't be good in the army."
(LAUGHTER)
THAT'S when you realised?! Yeah.
So, Wil, I feel like you were kind of the opposite.
You realised that you shouldn't turn around.
Were you 100% on that? I was pretty confident...
You were pretty confident. ..that it was "Don't turn around."
So, then I had to make the calculation of, "How long do I think
"that everybody else will last in this game?"
'Cause I took the opposite approach to Josh's quiet time,
where I decided, "Well, you know what?
"If I'm here, I might as well keep talking constantly.
(LAUGHTER) Wil essentially did
a festival show at me.
He touched on 47 different topics,
including sports, stand-up comedy, Tom Cruise,
time zones in Australia, Minions,
and the pros and cons of chocolate mousse.
(LAUGHTER)
At the end of your time,
you did quite a sincere and lovely thankyou to the crew...
(LAUGHTER)
..said goodbye and then walked off.
(APPLAUSE)
OK, well, it's Josh versus Wil at the moment.
I think we need to hear the scores.
Wil Anderson's festival show lasted 54 minutes and 14 seconds.
JOSH: Oh, my gosh.
Josh's silence lasted one hour, five minutes and four seconds.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
OK. Anyone left?
Um, look, can I just say something, at this point?
(LAUGHTER)
What's it gonna be? I'm just...
No, no, I've just got a fun idea.
Let's not watch mine.
(LAUGHTER) Like, just...
Let's do something else!
Like, I could... I'll do any dance you want or, like...
Please! Let's...let's not watch mine.
(LAUGHTER)
Please!
I've had enough humiliation.
To be fair, we often leave one to go
because it can be a moment of great triumph.
Yeah. You never know.
(LAUGHTER)
Singled out for the second time in one episode,
it's none other than Anne Edmonds.
"Don't do it."
OK, I won't.
OK.
(LAUGHTER)
(APPLAUSE)
Thanks, Anne.
(CHUCKLES)
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
So, I have the feeling that you thought you nailed it.
No. Um...
All I saw was, "Don't do it,"
after doing a lot of things,
like running around in the rain and crying and whatever.
Um...
So, I just...saw an out.
And I just was like, "'Don't do it'? OK, I won't."
And I left. (LAUGHTER)
Anne did it in 33 seconds.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
Which leaves Anne with one point,
Jenny with two, Lloyd with three, Wil with four,
but taking home the task, it's Josh Thomas with five points!
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE DROWNS OUT SPEECH)
Wow!
OK, Lesser Tom, you got another task queued up?
I sure do. Don't you remember?
It's all part of a discreet plan we made with directors, producers,
camera operators, audio technicians
and, of course, our contestants.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
(GASPS)
Hello. Hello.
TOM: Hi, Josh. Hi, Anne.
Yeah. Do it, my friend. Here we go, Lloyd.
"Invent and promote an original conspiracy theory.
"Most persuasive and conspiratorial theory wins."
"You have 40 minutes. Your time starts now."
Oh, this is fun.
What are conspiracy theories? The world is flat.
The Illuminati...
Who controls the currency in the world?
The Mint. The Mint.
Could we have a Mint-related conspiracy?
I went there on excursion when I was in Year 6.
And guess how much a $1 coin was?
$1? $2.
What?!
I reckon they're putting hormones in the money.
That make us, like, really horny.
No! Ooh, OK. Alright.
What about something about Tom Gleeson,
who, we could call him and, like,
make him admit to something.
Call him now and try and find a clip of him that sounds gay?
(BOTH LAUGH)
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
We've got the teams back, of course.
The Discount wiggles and the Premium Economy Hooley Dooleys.
Why do I get the feeling that you visiting the Mint
was the most exciting thing you did as a child?
Because it was. (LAUGHTER)
There's only one thing I want to watch
more than Josh and Anne's conspiracy video,
and that's literally anything.
So, let's put in some ads for a few minutes
just to delay the inevitable.
See you soon.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
Welcome back to Taskmaster,
where our comedians are spreading conspiracy theories to win prizes.
So, whose conspiracy do we have first?
The first team trying to manipulate society to meet their needs,
it's the Discount Wiggles!
You won't believe the reason why you're horny all the time.
We're going to explain it to you today on Follow the Money,
because the money is what's making you horny in the first place.
We have a whistleblower here on the show.
Can you tell us what's been going on?
I discovered that the Mint,
in coordination with various world governments,
are adding hormones... What!?
..to our money in order to get us hornier.
What!? More sexually active.
They want to increase the population...
Ohhh!
..so they can still make money
and we can still spend money.
How did they add the hormones to the money?
Well, I'm glad you've asked me that. Yeah.
Because I managed to smuggle out, uh, some of the hormones.
The substance!
That's not it. That is it.
I, um, accidentally spilled a drop of myself today.
Yes. It was like trying to land a tuna.
It was flapping around, and, uh...
I just...I couldn't subdue it.
I can't believe it. Like, this is incredible. That's incredible.
I think we actually have to get to the next guest. Yep, yep.
Uh, we have, uh, Tom Cashman.
It's lovely to have you here.
Tell us the story about when you, as a child, went and visited
the Australian Mint.
When I was on an excursion in year six, and I was...
How old? How old were you? I was 12 years old at that time. Yep, uh-huh.
So, yeah. Did you touch the money?
Yeah, we touched the money and stuff like that.
And then in your teenage years,
would you say that you were more horny?
Yeah. So I suppose in the couple of years after I visited the Mint,
I became much more horny.
Oh, my God, it all matches up. Like, double?
Exponential I would describe the increase of horniness, yep. Is that right?
Do we need any more...evidence than that? It all matches up.
We've exposed the truth.
I mean, thank you so much for being here on the show.
Look, we like to pay our guests. Yeah.
I mean, we don't like to p... That'd be great.
Let people come on. So there you go. That's for you.
There you go. Oh, thank you.
And then that is for you. So... Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. You just...you enjoy that.
You just take that with you.
So, um, well...
Oh my gosh. What's happening?
Oh, no! We didn't have protection! Oh, no!
Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, no!
What's happening? He's so horny!
Anyway, join us again next week on Follow the Money.
I've been Wil Anderson.
I've been Jenny Tian. Thank you for watching.
See you next time. Stay horny.
(APPLAUSE)
Yeah, the Discount Wiggles there.
Doing a great job. I must say, Wil, you seem very at home there
hosting a dodgy podcast.
Podcasts are the home of conspiracy theories.
I mean, honestly, we recorded a lot of that podcast.
There was a lot more to it. Yeah.
And also very different to your podcast, Wil.
You paid the guests.
Oh!
Don't make fun of TV's beloved Wil Anderson!
But I think the real star...
..the real star of that podcast
was Tom Cashman's portrayal of horniness.
Yeah.
I got to say that I'm starting to work out why Tom's single.
Like, if you can imagine him on dates in restaurants.
Soon as he gets a vibe on someone, he's...
(LAUGHS CREEPILY)
So how did you feel, Jenny, having to witness that up close?
Did you feel like you were in an unsafe workplace?
Obviously. You know, we were talking about the podcast before,
and then we kind of...I could anticipate the effect of the money,
but I didn't know he'd go that far.
I...I just did what I was told.
When you touch the money, get really horny.
(MIMICS TOM)
I was worried that Lloyd was going to land a second tuna.
'Cause you touched the money as well.
I know, but I had the...all of the protective gear on,
which was kind of fortunate in terms of his horniness.
I suppose we should watch another one.
It's what I've been waiting for.
Here's Josh and Anne.
(DIAL TONE) Oh, I'm scared.
Hello? Hi. Hey, Tom.
Hi. How are you?
Well, h-how's...
I have some really specific questions for you to answer.
What's the capital of Utah?
(CHUCKLES)
Well...
Um, Tom, it's Anne Edmonds.
How are you? Nice to hear from you.
Yeah.
OK.
Yes.
Can you list some...
Can you just list some gay things?
Yeah.
Actually, I think we've done it, and I think we could go. Bye. Bye.
He said, "Are you trying to reveal that I'm homophobic?
"Because that's an industry secret."
We just cut out "phobic".
Yes!
He walked right into our trap.
(NEWS THEME MUSIC)
Today on The News Truth,
we look at one of Australia's leading
white, male, straight comedians, Tom Gleeson.
He hosts every show in Australia
based on his white, straight, male status.
But leading gay comedian Josh Thomas
is here to reveal that perhaps
that isn't the case. Josh.
Yes, I have some big news today about Tom Gleeson.
Mm. I've got a tape to play for you.
OK.
Yes, it's going to reveal a lot about his secret life.
This is actually groundbreaking stuff.
Let's throw to the audio and have a listen to what Josh Thomas
discovered only yesterday.
Seems pretty gay.
He does. Yeah.
You've got to admit, he does seem pretty gay.
Yeah. I'm no gay expert. But that was gay.
That was gay. That was gay.
Thank you so much, Josh Thomas.
And I look forward to you hosting Hard Quiz.
Goodnight.
(APPLAUSE)
We got him!
That's the chaos we've come to expect
from the Premium Economy Hooley Dooleys, am I right?
I feel like this doesn't need to be pointed out,
but when I said that I was homophobic, I was joking.
But the weird part for me is you thought
what would be more controversial
is to change it to the fact that I'm actually gay.
If you revealed that I was homophobic,
don't you think that story would travel further?
No.
We circled around a few ideas, but Josh just kept coming back
to the...over and over again the fact that you're gay.
Anne was quite resistant to the idea.
Yeah, she was worried that it would look like
me and you were homophobic...
Well, not me. You.
Yeah. Yeah.
Well, I'm just happy that we've upped the diversity
of this program anyway.
Shut up, poofter!
Anyway, that was very good.
It's some of the best journalism I've seen on Channel Ten, to be fair.
We should allocate some points, I think.
So it's most persuasive and conspiratorial theory wins.
I really enjoyed the conspiracy from the Discount Wiggles,
but it's hard to go past a story that was about me.
So I'm gonna go for the Hooley Dooleys as winners there.
I'm gonna allocate the points 'cause they were very close in quality,
so I want to go 5-5, 4-4-4.
OK.
If you want to see more of me, gay icon Tom Gleeson,
then stick around.
We've got a live task and a big prizegiving coming up
when Taskmaster returns.
(APPLAUSE)
Welcome back to Taskmaster.
Who will win a camping trip with Denise Drysdale?
Lesser Tom, catch us up.
Who's winning the episode so far?
Well, it's no conspiracy, he's on top of the world.
Josh Thomas is in the lead!
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
OK, all that's left is the live task, so let's do that.
Get up on stage, everyone.
Alright, what's going on here, Tommy C?
(READS) "Reveal the thing on your drum that doesn't make a sound
"and make the sound it should make.
"Least like the sound it should make
"will be eliminated.
"Last person standing wins."
JOSH: Oh, no.
Jenny, please.
Ooh!
A sloth.
Ooh!
Lloyd.
Oyster.
(BABBLES THROATILY)
(LAUGHTER)
(SQUELCHING NOISES)
Anne.
Worm.
(SLURPING NOISES)
Wil.
Giraffe.
(TRUMPETS)
Josh.
Snail.
Me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me.
Me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me!
Taskmaster, please select someone to be eliminated.
I'm going to go...
I think the worst was Jenny with the sloth.
Jenny is eliminated.
Josh.
Mime.
(HUMS WHININGLY)
It's annoying, isn't it, mime?
Wil.
Ballerina.
(TRILLS) Brrrr!
Anne.
The Taskmaster trophy.
I'm a bit of a (BLEEP)head.
(LAUGHTER)
Lloyd.
A 45-year-old accountant who's taken a vow of silence.
(HUMS)
I wish I'd chosen a different life.
Taskmaster, please choose which contestant should be eliminated.
I feel it has to be Lloyd.
Lloyd has been eliminated.
Well done, Lloyd.
Wil.
The Mona Lisa.
(GROANS)
Why you all looking at me?!
Josh.
The Last Supper.
Oh, I feel like tomorrow is going to be a really good day.
Anne.
American Gothic.
(BABBLES)
(AMERICAN ACCENT) How you going, man?
Um, well, I think the worst was Wil.
Uh, just... What?!
Well, I feel like it kind of contained a racial stereotype.
Wil has been eliminated.
JOSH: The dream team! Josh and Anne.
Anne.
Sunset.
(SINGS ANGELICALLY)
Josh.
I liked that a lot, which is a shame for me.
Sunrise.
# Oh! #
Alright, and the winner is... Drum roll, please.
I'm just. No...
We're doing it after the ad break.
See you back down here soon.
Welcome back to Taskmaster
where we just enjoyed an array of exciting new noises.
But who will win a prize pack,
which includes Anne Edmonds making more noises?
(LAUGHS)
So would you like to hear it again? Uh, yes.
Well, we're down to Anne and Josh, aren't we?
That's right. OK.
So Anne was sunset and Josh was sunrise.
Let's hear Anne's sunset.
(SINGS ANGELICALLY)
And Josh's sunrise.
# Oh... #
Well, it's a pretty easy decision
because it was the same idea done worse, wasn't it?
Uh, so Anne's the winner.
OK. Thank you.
Finally.
So what are the scores for the live task?
Jenny only gets one point for that live task.
Lloyd with two, Wil three, Josh with four.
But Anne takes it home with five points!
Thank you. Finally. (APPLAUSE)
Alright, and what does that mean for the episode?
Well, it's not only the best score of the night,
it's the best individual performance of the season for an episode.
Top of the table, it's Josh Thomas!
Hey! Ahh! (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
Alright! Wow!
Josh wins the camping bounty.
Head to the stage, take your items,
and enjoy the vastly improved camping trip.
Alright, lesser Tom.
Halfway through the season, what's the ladder looking like?
Well, Wil is in the lead with 82 points.
But the real story here is the huge comeback from Josh,
who had the worst start in Taskmaster Australia history
and is now still last, but only one behind Jenny, with 68 points.
I'm particularly thrilled, as 68 is one off my favourite number - 67.
So what have we learnt?
I was taught that apparently I'm gay
by an incredibly reputable media outlet.
And, Anne, well, Anne taught us all that it's just not easy being Anne.
Bask in your glory one more time, Josh.
Everyone else, see you next week.
If I had a little task bell, I would ring it.
Yah!
Oh-ho!
Oh!
Everyone here is a nerd!
Might be having some sort of episode.
Anne, I've never seen someone work so hard for such a bad result.
I actually might need to talk to one of the producers.
(LAUGHTER)