(SINGS OFF-KEY NOTE)
Arrgh!
Oh!
Yes!
Oh!
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
Hello, and welcome to Taskmaster. My name is Tom Gleason.
And to all of the critics watching
who all season long have alleged that, as a host, I lack range,
and that I'm too curmudgeonly,
that I suffocate the playful Taskmaster spirit,
I say, look at this.
Ah...very good.
Are you happy?
Competing series-long for this, my honeyed spud,
are five comedians, all of whom have made verbal commitments
to being the least-spudded versions of themselves.
They are Anne Edmonds...
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
..Jenny Tian... (CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
..Josh Thomas... (CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
..Lloyd Langford... (CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
..and Wil Anderson. (CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
And sitting by me, if you think the tiny throne he sits on is sad,
you should see the bare mattress on the floor in his bedroom.
It's my assistant, Tom Cashman.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
Now it's time we start, Lesser Tom.
Tonight, our contestants have been asked to bring in
an object that has really seen some shit.
OK. An object that has really seen some shit.
OK. Josh, what do you have?
I brought in Stacy.
(LAUGHTER)
So you've been literal there. Is that the...?
Well, it's literal, isn't it?
She's seen some shit, but also she's seen some shit.
I mean, that's her wedding night.
Alright. Lloyd, what have you got?
I brought in, and she isn't aware of this,
Anne's treasured childhood toy, John.
She's absolutely tortured the hell out of that.
John had been a bad boy.
So, John has spent a lot of time with Anne.
Are you not worried that if you spend a lot more time with Anne,
you'll end up looking the same?
(LAUGHTER)
Yeah, I think it may well be self-inflicted.
John did that to himself.
So he's seen a lot of shit.
You're going for, like, the meaning of the expression. Yes.
OK. What about you, Anne?
I have actually brought in something of Lloyd's.
(LAUGHTER)
How romantic.
And they are his disgusting,
what he calls his "house shorts".
They're the worst.
They're very stained and, like, threadbare around the back.
And about two weeks into our relationship,
he just got into shorts and he's never gotten out of them.
He's gone full slops in those shorts.
Alright. Uh, Jenny, what do you have?
I have brought in a shampoo bottle.
Yes. OK.
So, this particular shampoo bottle
has witnessed a break-up of mine.
Oh.
I was in a controlling relationship, where I was in control, and...
(LAUGHTER)
He hated that I kept my shampoo bottles on the floor of the shower,
and I said it didn't matter
because the contents of the shampoo bottle inside,
they're going to be the same regardless.
Whereas he insisted it would be dirty if I kept it on the ground.
So then on the grounds of that, I broke up with him
and I finished all of that shampoo.
But for at least a full, entire year,
it has stayed on the floor of my shower
as a reminder that I have won the break-up.
I'll be the judge of whether you've won or not.
(LAUGHS)
Wil, what have you brought along that has seen some shit?
OK, well, I know, like, during this series,
it hasn't been great for me when I've gone literal to the task,
I thought, yeah, toilet paper, that's a good place to start.
But I've got to elevate this
if, like, I'm going to get any points from Tom this season
in one of these prize tasks.
So I have got this printed.
It's a specific roll of toilet paper.
Let's have a look.
Um, that's been printed with a photo of the inside of my bowel.
(AUDIENCE REACTS)
So...
..I, uh...
I had a colonoscopy. OK?
I didn't need it, just did it for the show.
And they took a photo of my bowel and we rang a printer.
But you can get anything printed on toilet paper, it turns out.
Did the printer say anything?
Oh, yes.
I made him sign a confidentiality agreement.
Alright. I should allocate some points for the prize task.
Well, yeah, I must admit,
I find literal interpretations not as exciting.
It's harder to get more literal than Wil's.
No. Come on, come on.
Like, no. Come on.
I literally got my bowel printed on toilet paper.
Like, I'm, like, I actually did have a career before this.
I know you've been joking about it.
Like, every week.
Like...like,
a man had to see three separate photos.
I said, "Choose the one you want."
(LAUGHTER)
Please!
OK, well, you have pleaded your case,
and out of the two very literal interpretations,
I'll rank you just above Josh, and Josh is on one.
Oh...
And then out of the others that have SEEN some shit,
I think Jenny's shampoo,
it was a good story, but only saw one break-up.
And I think Anne's shorts have definitely seen better days
and been through a lot,
but I think it's Anne's doll that's clearly been through the grinder.
So, five points to Lloyd.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
OK, well, with the tone already set as irredeemably lowbrow,
I might as well say something I've been meaning to say for a long time.
Give us a task, Tom, you (BLEEP).
You can't make a task without breaking a few eggs.
Hello. Hi, Josh.
Hi, Lloyd. T-Bone.
It's nice to see you, mate. Thanks.
Is that a big eggy? Yeah.
Do you hear that?
I think your task is about to hatch.
Is the task in here?
OK. Let's see.
"Break the dozen eggs from the furthest distance."
"For each egg not broken, your distance will be halved."
"Furthest distance wins."
"You have 12 minutes or until one or more of your eggs are broken."
"Your time starts now."
Where are you going? I don't know. OK.
So, essentially, all the eggs have to be broken at the same time.
You can't break them one at a time. That's right.
Your time stops as soon as one egg is broken.
You've got to break your eggs from as far away as possible,
and you're penalised if you don't break all 12.
OK, well, uh, who's first?
First up, we've got Lloyd, Josh and Anne.
I'm thinking of going up on the balcony.
If I went up there, break them all. Drop that on it.
It wouldn't take very long.
What if I throw them really high up into the air and then run away?
You think?
What I think is not relevant at the moment.
I think if I leave them in the carton, that would protect them.
That's the whole point of a carton.
So I've got to take them off the carton. OK.
I don't want the lid closing in midair
and then securing the eggs, so we'll get rid of that.
I'm gonna wrap this box of eggs in this mitt.
Alright? Come on, guys. Come on, boys! Come on, people!
Alright, so now I'm going to take a big run-up
and I'm going to throw the eggs as far as possible.
OK. Don't fall over the edge. I won't, Tom.
Thanks for being such a good friend.
Ah... You little dick head. Alright.
I know I've got this tracksuit on,
but I'm not the most athletic of people.
And that's it. Task complete.
That's 12, though.
I'd say so.
How do you think you went?
I still can't understand what the task is,
so I just threw the box off a balcony.
OK.
See ya. Thanks, Anne.
Um, so...
..Anne... Yep.
So... Yep.
I mean...
All of that.
I'm just saying...
Can you talk us through the padding and throwing it towards...
..and throwing it towards a soft lawn?
I thought the task was to not break eggs.
So you broke eight of them.
Clearly, I can't read.
Yeah, so, I padded up the carton
to try and stop the eggs from breaking.
I'm in another show, it's a different series.
It's series eight and I'm winning.
OK. Bit out of character for you, Josh.
It was pretty straightforward, just a big old thud,
and they all seemed to smash.
Crack some eggs. Let's go home. Yeah.
Usually you're distracted and you wander around and fail.
But this time I didn't.
And let's live in the joy of that.
No, I just...I had my idea,
I thought I throw the disc, smash the eggs, eggs smash.
Bingo-bango. Bob's your uncle. Let's go home, dingo-dongo.
As I always say, dingo-dongo.
So, Lloyd? Yes?
How far away do you think you got away from the eggs
before they broke?
In hindsight, watching the clip back, not far at all.
So, what was the task again?
Break the dozen eggs from the furthest distance.
I would argue that 'from' implies
we're measuring the distance from where you caused the eggs to break
to where the eggs broke,
which was pretty much exactly the same spot where...
(LAUGHTER)
Because he threw them directly... No, no, no, hang on.
By my actions... Yes.
..the eggs broke.
Yeah. We agree with you.
Yeah. And now I realise that I do not agree with me.
(LAUGHTER)
So, what distances are we looking at so far?
So, Josh's distance was 5.5m.
Lloyd's distance is 32cm.
(LAUGHTER)
I think you could argue if I get height,
you could argue that you could get that from where your hands were
instead of the 32cm.
They're taking it from your feet, but you could take it...
If you're throwing it like this, then you're getting probably 1.8m
from the top of your... where you're...where you lifted it.
Dingo-dongo, he's got a point.
Measure that.
Alright. I'm happy to add even two metres.
OK. So we're adding two metres to Lloyd's.
Yeah. That was so nice.
That was generous.
So, then we've got Josh has 5.5m.
Lloyd has two metres and 32cm.
Anne's distance was 11m and 32cm.
However, we've got some halvings to do.
So we halved that four times, which leaves us with 70cm.
Right. Now, in the midst of this egg breaking,
we're also going to break the show up with some ads.
I might take the three minutes
to go drown a couple of soft-boileds myself.
See you after this.
Welcome back to Taskmaster,
where five comedians are swinging big
to win Wil Anderson's arsehole memorabilia.
Lesser Tom, what is the current task?
Our comedians are trying to break 12 eggs from the furthest distance,
and how far away the eggs are at the time of breaking
from where they caused that breaking, the better.
Who's up next?
They were both eggs themselves at one point. It's Jenny and Wil.
Could I get someone else to break them for me?
Would that be you breaking them? Doesn't say it has to be me.
Tom, I'm going to recruit you to be part of this, if you don't mind.
OK?
Could you go down to the dock and just break all of these? OK. But how?
So, you take one of these eggs. OK.
And then you chuck it really hard on the ground. OK.
And make sure the eggshell is absolutely smashed.
And then if it's not smashed, make sure you step it on with your foot. OK.
I'm going to put my hand up. That is when you pick it up. Hold.
And then I will bring my hand down.
That is correct.
And you will do that over the eggs. Yes.
At the time. Alright. I'm going to go back.
OK. Go, go, go, go, go. OK.
Faster, Tom.
He did ask several times
to clarify the instructions of breaking the egg,
so I really hope he broke all of them.
Otherwise, this might have been a futile request from me.
Tom. Yeah.
Oh, nice. We can hear each other.
Yeah.
Regardless of that, I'm going to do the hand signals. OK.
I wonder if my instructions were clear enough.
(DISTORTED) So, you take one of these eggs...
(NORMAL) ..and then you chuck it really hard on the ground.
And then if it's not smashed, make sure you step it on with your foot.
I have trust issues from this show now.
Let's do this. OK.
They all smashed. Eggs-cellent!
Thanks, Wil. Thank you, Tom.
I should have asked him to come back once he was done.
Jenny, some people are allergic to eggs.
Are you allergic to points?
OK, can I just say that I really, in my mind,
thought that I had articulated everything I needed to
to be specific to Tom.
Jenny, you told me to break one egg.
You did. And in your head you thought,
"And the rest of them," but you just didn't say that.
Basically, he's really good at following instructions...
Yeah, he did. ..but he's a bastard.
But, Wil, you decided that you could use a hand action?
Not... You didn't have to...
I looked forward to this moment
where I thought you'd make me justify whether using him
was me doing it or not.
So I thought that one way to do that
was I had to operate him as if he were a tool. So...
(LAUGHTER)
And so I ran him through hand actions that I was going to make
to actually operate him, to get him to do it.
Then it turned out when I got up on the balcony,
he could just hear me clearly from there.
Alright, well, I think we need some measurements there.
So, Wil was 78.3m away.
I was 309.5m away when I broke that one egg.
Unfortunately, that number needs to be halved 11 times.
Your final score is 15cm.
So, that means Jenny gets one point,
Anne gets two, somehow, Lloyd with three, Josh with four,
and the winner of the task was Wil with five points.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
And how's the episode score looking?
From back to front, Jenny, Josh, Anne, then Wil,
and on eight points in the lead, it's Lloyd Langford.
OK, let's get into our next task.
This next task is why I've been talking
behind every contestant's back.
I thought it would help them if they developed a sensitive back.
It's another team task.
ALL: Hello.
Uh-oh, the time has come, Josh, for you to make love to me.
Oh. Finally.
Is this your bed? No. Did someone say that?
Yeah, that's what everyone's saying.
That's what everyone on the crew is saying.
Tom has a baby bed, and he loves having a baby bed.
And he has to wear protective eye goggles
because he's afraid of night moths.
Do you want to read it? Yes, I will read it this time.
Shall I do the honours? Go for it. Yeah.
"Correctly guess items placed under the mattress.
"One teammate will be your mattress liar,
"who must be blindfolded in the lab for the duration of the task."
"Other teammates may gather items.
"Only one item under the mattress at a time."
"Any clues that aren't through a mattress
"will render an item void."
"You have one minute to discuss your roles,
"then 20 to collect and guess items."
"Most items correctly guessed wins."
"Your time starts now."
I'm happy to gather.
It's obviously the worst job, but I'm happy to do it.
Great, because I don't want to. I want to have a lie-down. I'm tired.
How do you feel about lying down? I'm not sensitive.
Like, I can't sense things. 10 seconds.
OK. I feel like Wil lies down.
He's a good guesser. OK.
Goodbye.
Wake me up when this is over.
OK, so, the Discount Wiggles
and the Premium Economy Hooley Dooleys are back.
So, one of them has to get on the mattress,
and the others just have to put lots of stuff under the mattress
and they identify it, is that it?
They have to identify things through the mattress.
Through the mattress. Yeah.
So, which team is it,
the Discount Wiggles or the Premium Economy Hooley Dooleys?
Someone who's received very impressive marks
for physical education,
it's PEHD, the Premium Economy Hooley Dooleys.
Just sit up.
It's a guitar. Yeah. OK.
And this one?
A bowling pin. That is correct.
I've got quite a bit of time. I'm gonna really do some gathering.
Feelings.
OK. Alright.
Do you not know it? Is there something under there?
Yeah.
A gun. A gun? No.
Um...a gun. No.
Oh. Um...um, a gun? No.
You just keep guessing things. I'll be back.
Um, a duck. OK, I got...
Guess. Um, a toy car.
Guess again. Incorrect.
Oh. What else have I seen around?
A ball?
Incorrect.
You just keep saying things.
Um, a jug?
Yeah. No.
A fake doll. Incorrect.
Zebra. Incorrect.
LEGO. Incorrect.
I can't tell you, but I think it's obvious.
It's obvious to you because you can see it.
I know. A...
..salad bowl.
(SHRIEKS)
Can I tell him to put things under there?
All the information you need is in the task.
Go and get, like, the leg and put it under there.
Don't...
The leg! The leg! That's correct.
Get the textas. Say five things.
And then when I come back, you say it again.
So five things in a row. Yeah.
Just all you have to do is name five things.
All you've got to do is... OK!
You want to call me a stupid bitch.
Just say it. I can hear it.
It's almost like it's on the tip of your tongue.
Just say five things!
Just call me a stupid bitch.
Don't just say it. You're a stupid bitch.
Textas.
That target off the wall,
a water bottle.
OK. Anything else? That's it.
You've got one under.
This is the worst task for me.
I'm not that way inclined. What way inclined?
Just useful to the world, you know.
Textas.
Good! OK, now?
A target? Yes! Correct.
Water bottle. That's correct.
Glue, a poster, a scarf.
OK. Go. Some glue.
Yes. That's correct.
A poster paper? Yes. That's correct.
A scarf? Yes. OK.
Now we know how to play this game. 30 seconds.
Your shoe. Get your shoe off.
That's correct. Your body.
Your body? That's correct.
Your arse.
Your arse!
There you go.
Can you tell me, were Lloyd and Wil lying on this mattress together?
I can't possibly say.
It's just one of my fantasies, that's all.
You came up with a great hack there, Anne.
Yes, well, there wasn't anything in the task that said
that I couldn't do that.
So we started just...
I started to try and remember things around the house,
but even that was hard.
I know, that's what I thought.
You came up... you came up with a genius hack,
but then you're probably the worst person
to be trusted with carrying out that. Exactly.
Given you had to remember lists of things, which is not your forte.
And I kept saying gun and then I couldn't...
(LAUGHTER)
You said gun heaps,
and then...and then you just forgot guns existed from then on.
I can't explain it, but we had fun.
But also, like, you two together,
like, one of the other group tasks you did,
you both prank-called me, and now you're dragging a mattress out.
It's like you're trying to have a childhood sleepover.
I mean, we were so happy to see each other.
Yeah, it was really nice. Otherwise it's just... (SIGHS)
How many did they guess? 16 correct guesses.
Hey. That's OK.
Pretty good. Yeah.
Oh, boy.
Well, watching that task,
which looked like an ad for a psych hospital,
has reminded me that it's time for some other ads.
Watch them while Josh and Anne depart for a special facility,
and we'll see you soon.
Good on you for sticking around for more Taskmaster.
What are we watching, Lesser Tom?
The contestants, they're trying to sense items through a mattress.
Next up, it's just Lloyd.
Hello.
Stand within 50cm of a teammate
for more than 50% of the duration of the next task.
If you succeed, your team's points will be doubled.
If you fail, your team's points will be halved.
If your team accuses you of being given a bonus task,
you get no points for the next task.
Your time starts when the next task begins.
50cm. Like this.
I mean, that's too close to stand next to someone,
especially, like, I don't really know Wil or Jenny.
Well, you're about to get to know them.
What do you reckon? That's about 50cm.
Yep. That's perfect.
OK, I'll just do that for the task.
You were born for this. Yeah.
Alright.
So, there's a rat in the ranks,
so he has to stay really close for more than half of the task.
That's right.
Alright, well, Lloyd, are you a sneaky guy?
Yes.
(LAUGHTER)
He's having several affairs.
None of which I care about.
Anne just puts on the goggles.
Get me the gun!
Alright, shall we, Lesser Tom?
So, with Jenny and Wil being none the wiser,
here is their team effort.
Wil, if you could put the goggles on, please.
OK. If you could sit down there.
OK. Is he allowed to use his hands?
All the information you need is in the task.
"One Teammate will be your mattress liar." That's you.
"Who must be blindfolded in the lab for the duration of the task."
Maybe we should get rid of this blanket
so that he'll feel the mattress more.
You just get up for a sec. OK. No worries.
Um, I'll go get items? Yeah, I'll just sit him down.
Wait a second. I'll help you. OK.
Let's go, let's go, let's go.
Thank you.
Should we start with these? Yeah, let's start with these.
Shall I put that in first?
I mean, it feels maybe round.
Is it a shoe? That is an incorrect guess.
That's alright. Good try, Wil. Alright.
Is it a hat? That is an incorrect guess.
We definitely picked the wrong one.
Yeah. Sorry. OK. OK. OK. OK. OK.
That made a sound.
That item is rendered void. You bastard!
Let's get more.
One of those. Oh, yeah.
Oh! You clever...
We're back, we're back.
Perch on the end. I got you, mate.
Good.
OK, so, it's bouncy.
It's something that was here around the house.
What would be around here
that would, like, kind of bounce back up and down?
Um, is it, like, a pump of some kind?
That is an incorrect guess.
There's a new item under the mattress.
Is it a mandolin?
Uh, a video game controller.
Jenny's just getting a new item.
It's big. Correct.
It's like, is it like a... No clues.
Is it a drum?
That is an incorrect guess. 35 seconds.
Are we allowed to repeat any items or...no?
We're allowed to repeat items.
Yes!
Is it a guitar? BOTH: Yes.
That is a correct guess.
Whoo-hoo!
That's the time.
We were doomed to fail on that one. Yeah.
Thanks for your time.
Thank you. Cheers.
OK, so, did either of you suspect Lloyd at all?
I couldn't even work out what was under the mattress.
I just thought this guy really likes teamwork.
I mean, I was...I was honestly the same because,
like, I was doing such a bad job, I was like,
great idea to get the guy with a bad back to try to identify.
And, like, I was going so badly.
But then I was reassured by the fact
that, like, occasionally, Lloyd would rest his arm.
I was like, oh, well, he's there for me.
He's not that mad about it.
I'm not going to lie, I really... I didn't know you before the show
and I just thought, this guy is so weird and erratic.
Lloyd was standing within 50cm of a teammate 71% of the time.
Yeah, did a great job.
Which was arguably too long
because you only successfully guessed one thing.
Well, I think there's such a huge difference between the two teams,
it has to be five, five
and one, one, one, which becomes two, two, two.
Great. OK.
Good stuff, Lloyd. Alright. Another task then, LT.
Thank you for calling me your lieutenant.
Now, you and me, baby, ain't nothing but warm-blooded vertebrates.
But putting that aside for a moment, let's find out something new
like on the Discovery Channel.
Hello, Tom. Hi, Wil.
Oh, no. The table's upside down. Oh, God.
Someone hasn't done their bloody job.
Did you do that? Maybe.
Back to front. And upside down.
It feels like opposite day. No, it doesn't.
"Show a different side of yourself."
Oh, see, this is the different side of the chair.
This is the different side of the table.
I don't care for it.
"The most different side of yourself wins."
"You have 20 minutes. Your time starts now."
A different side of myself.
What is left to give to these people?
What more could the country want from me?
What? You want, like...? Butt?
Sorry? You want my butt?
Do I want to see your arse? Yeah.
No, thank you.
Balls?
If you didn't get me on butt...
..you're going to have trouble winning me over with balls.
Yeah, across the season, our fantastic art department
often do great work with bespoke props that they put there
in the set up of the task.
But towards the end of the season,
they just flip the table and go, (BLEEP).
So we just need to see another side. Is that it?
That's right. Alright.
Which personality-hiding, two-faced snake is going first?
He's usually from Wales, so maybe now he'll focus on dolphin.
It's Lloyd Langford.
I'll tell you what we could do, we could go down to the dock.
We can...we can skim some stones.
And that shows a different side of yourself?
Yeah. Enjoying nature.
Do you think you've come across so far
as someone who doesn't enjoy nature?
Well, because you put me in nature in a stressful scenario,
you know, I'm counting (BLEEP) socks and whatnot.
Can you skim stones? No.
I'll show you how to do it. Oh, OK.
Come on, then.
Oh, this is a perfect spot for it, I reckon.
Birds are singing, sun is shining.
I always kind of go, like, low like that.
Nice.
Oh, that was good.
Oh.
Not bad. You are good.
Sometimes, you know, when the knife wobbles in the board, you just know,
you know you've done it right.
Wow.
Whoa!
That was really fun.
Ah, I love that.
Just two guys flinging rocks across water.
You know what I loved about it, though,
was it was just relaxing and you were de-stressed.
And then you absolutely (BLEEP) nailed one.
It was so good.
So, do you know actually how many times he bounced it?
Yeah, we slowed it down. 17 skims. Oh, my God.
I've never seen anything like it.
So, as soon as you don't have to compete, you thrive.
Yeah. The pressure was off and I could finally be myself, you know.
Well, we've only seen one.
We've only seen the other side of Lloyd. Yes.
And, like a pebble leaving the hand of Lloyd to bounce over a pond,
we, too, must leave your screen and bounce over a break.
But unlike his rocks, these ads aren't skippable.
Back soon.
Welcome back to Taskmaster, the show that offers
both the serenity of a simple Welsh fella skimming rocks
and the mayhem of an angry Eddo screaming about guns.
Cashman, what's happening?
Our contestants are trying to show a different side of themselves.
Most different side wins.
Up next, we have two Ans. It's Anne Edmonds and An-derson.
Hey, Tom.
I'm ready to, um, finally show
a different side of myself, if you're ready to see it.
OK.
Look, I haven't been very charitable so far, so,
like, the idea of maybe, like, doing something really charitable
while having my clothes on backwards.
Hard to wear your shoes backwards, though, isn't it?
That would be the toughest bit about this.
Maybe you're going to have to give us a look at those toes.
I don't want to do that. OK.
Hurrah! Stuck in the carpet.
Hi, Tom. Hi, Wil.
I'm...hopefully, I'm showing you a side of myself
that you haven't seen before.
I'm the posh version, and I love refined things.
And I love solving puzzles, square dancing.
And I'm not rude, I don't swear.
I live a very refined...
Ah, shit.
But I've also showed my charitable side to my other competitors
and the Taskmaster crew.
I have bought tickets to all of their shows,
including your show at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival.
There are screenshots there. Fantastic.
Um, there seems to be another woman attached to you.
Yes. I don't know who she is.
She's just always been there psychologically and physically.
But, yeah, physically is the kind of the basis of my question.
Tom, stop the talking. Do you want to dance?
Do I want to dance? OK. Yeah, maybe. Come over here.
Um...
Why don't YOU come to ME, lover-boy?
OK. Yes, lover-boy.
You've got 30 seconds.
That's my charitable side.
But there was one other thing that we talked about.
My feet. Mm.
Well, I've got something special for you, Tom.
This is a folder. It says 'top-secret'.
Wow. Pretty gross huh?
Not too bad.
# La la la la la la la la la
# La la la la la la la la... #
# La... #
Real rock-bottom moment, that.
Anyway, off I pop.
OK. Oh, do you want it back?
Thanks, Tom.
So, Anne, we literally saw a different side of you.
Yes. You're more refined.
She can solve puzzles.
She reads tasks, takes in the details, takes her time.
But then, also, part of the you that we know
where because at the end you literally fell apart.
I mean, that was familiar.
But also, um, we learned in an earlier episode that, uh,
Lesser Tom had not been to a deb ball.
Yes.
So, I feel like you were also being lovely to Lesser Tom,
because you've been mean to him for most of the series.
Yeah, and I know that
probably most of the women that Tom's been with are fake.
So I wanted to give him that little treat.
Do you mean fake, like, emotionally or literally dolls?
No. Like, you have sex with robots.
Specifically, yeah.
Thank God I clarified.
Now, Wil, you... Yes, Tom?
I don't think it was obvious,
but you actually put your clothes on back to front,
but you wear black all the time, so it kind of looked the same.
Look, I noticed that too when it got played back.
But then you also decided you wanted to be quite charitable,
but you described buying tickets to these professional comedians' shows
as a charitable act.
No, it's charitable that I buy the ticket,
like, because normally I would just ask for a free one.
Alright.
Cashman, I need a third second side to see, please.
Well, it's another combination of two people.
The combination of Mum Tian and Dad Tian, here's Jenny Tian.
Alright. What have I not shown?
Lust.
You don't think you've been lustful? No.
Are you gonna do something romantic? Yeah.
God, this is gonna be uncomfortable.
Hi, Jenny.
Tom, I have loved you since the first day I started Taskmaster.
And my weary heart cannot bear it any longer.
I must confess to you.
I love...
It's a bit windy.
..you.
Will you join me for a wine?
Oh, um... it's all a bit much too soon for me.
But I'd love a wine.
Oh, you do love me. Let's go.
Well, hello, my dearest love.
The love is really coming through.
I got you these roses. Oh. Thank you.
You have 90 seconds left.
To 90 seconds left.
I love you too.
Have you made declarations such as these before?
Not quite as majestically pulled off as this.
And I can see that you are romanced.
Thanks, Jenny. Thanks, Tom.
Uh, by the way, Jenny, don't feel bad about Lesser Tom.
He often, in intimate moments, blows his whistle a bit too soon.
And that's not a metaphor.
I take this with me everywhere.
I feel like we did see a different side of you.
This was the most uncomfortable task that I did,
because I had to show this other romantic side to him,
and then we had to drink wines together.
All I would say is, when you touched him on the shoulder,
there was less affection than when Lloyd was touching you.
OK, love is in the air.
But before we delve into more steamy moments,
it's time for a quick romantic interlude.
We'll be playing aggressive footsie after this break. See you then.
Welcome back to Taskmaster,
where our crud-brain contestants
are turning in tasks that are total crap
to win some prizes that have seen some shit.
Lesser Tom, catch the people up.
Our contestants are trying to show a different side of themselves.
So far we've seen Lloyd be nice, Jenny be romantic, Anne be posh,
and Wil showed me his feet.
OK, so there's one left, yeah?
Last up, instead of a river, will this JT cry us a lake?
It's Josh Thomas.
You've never seen me be motherly.
Oh, no.
You suck on my tit. Yeah.
Do you have a nappy you could wear?
We could fashion a nappy.
This is what we're doing. This is what I've got.
Oh, no. I don't want this to go on TV.
Well, let's do it. I'll be back.
OK. I'll get a towel.
OK.
You're wearing Anne Edmonds' outfit?
Yeah.
Put your little diaper on. Go on.
Yeah. Let's get weird. Come on.
I got safety pins as well. Good boy.
You're a good little boy.
Hey, sweetheart, let me help you with that.
Oh. You're gonna... Yeah.
You're a good, brave boy, aren't you?
Three minutes left.
Don't rush Mummy. You'll get it when you get it.
Have you always been like this?
So, you just...
Now, there, there. Shh. Good boy.
So, what am I doing down here?
Yeah. You've got to get in there. Come here. Good boy.
I'm serious.
OK. Sorry. We've got to be serious.
OK. Good boy.
Good boy. You're gonna grow up to be a lawyer.
Yeah, you're not gonna do anything to embarrass me,
'cause you're a good, smart, good, brave boy.
Did you ever get any milk? Mm-mm.
I want you to get some milk.
(POP!)
I don't think you'll lick it off me.
I... Oh, it's going down my balls.
I'll burp you now. OK.
Good boy. You're going to be a good, smart lawyer.
Yeah. Yeah.
I do feel a bit disappointed that you didn't get to suckle any milk.
This one's just air. (BALLOON POPS)
Do you think Anne Edmonds is going to be mad?
(BLOWS WHISTLE) Yeah.
What's weird is at the end of the day,
it doesn't feel like it was a different side of me.
I feel like I've learned a lot about you.
I don't think we learned anything about me.
Josh, I think that was great.
That's what you like? Yeah.
I think you did really well.
I think you showed a different side of you. You were funny.
I mean, I have questions. Oh, yeah?
Why were you dressed as me?
Because you're a mum. Yeah. Fair enough.
I have absolutely nothing to add.
Over the years, I've done a lot of stuff on TV,
a lot of weird stuff,
and that was the idea I had.
And then we did it, didn't we?
But I'm glad you did.
Oh, thanks.
It was beautiful.
And the closest that Tom's come to a real woman.
Yeah.
I guess I should come up with some scores.
Yeah.
Alright, well, that's pretty easy.
Wil tried to show a different side,
put his clothes on backwards and it looked the same.
So that's one point.
Uh, two points to Anne because I did enjoy seeing that other side.
But then you fell apart, which was you back to yourself.
Uh, three points to Jenny for that romantic liaison.
Four points to Lloyd.
And it's mostly just for that stone that skimmed heaps.
But because it was really funny,
five points to Josh Thomas
for the absolute peak of his comedy career.
Beautiful. Yeah.
Alright. So, what do those scores do for the episode scores?
Well, Jenny needs some nurturing, down on nine points.
And Wil and Lloyd have middle child syndrome at the moment,
but the matriarch is Josh Thomas with 15 points.
OK.
With only the live task left,
it's time for you lot to scoot up those stairs for the big finale.
What are we looking at, Lesser Tom?
I'll let Josh read the task. Oh, it's me.
"Taking turns in your teams, blow bubbles.
"Then fan them through the hoop.
"On an attacking turn one teammate must blow bubbles
"using one breath only from the spot.
"They must then fan the bubbles through the hoop.
"The defending team can defend their goal
"only by throwing single peas from the sideline.
"Most bubble goals wins."
The team of three are going to be blowing a bubble first.
So...
Round one.
AUDIENCE: Oh...oh...
Oh!
Oh! I got one.
Whoa!
(WHISTLE BLOWS)
This is almost as exciting as pebble skimming.
Oh! Just focus on one. Focus.
Oh, I should...I should... I've just been trying to keep them in the air.
I didn't sort of... I'm not good at this.
Oh, no. Oh, no.
Yes. Focus on that one.
No.
Oh! Stop it.
Oh, no.
That one! That one! That one!
(WHISTLE BLOWS)
Please swap roles. (BLOWS WHISTLE)
(WHISTLE BLOWS)
Absolute bastard.
Oh, my God.
Hooley Dooleys, please step up.
(BLOWS WHISTLE) Try and go out.
Go on, Lloyd. Come on, Mummy!
Oh!
Oh! Oh!
That was incredible, though. Thank you.
Wiggles, please step up to the plate.
Oh, no! I'm scared to blow.
(BLOWS WHISTLE)
(WHISTLE BLOWS)
Am I the blower? You're the blower, yeah.
(WHISTLE BLOWS)
Whoa! Ah! (LAUGHTER)
(BLOWS WHISTLE)
Alright.
Like a broken SodaStream, we have to take a break to recharge our bubbles.
See you after this.
Welcome back to Taskmaster.
We're in our final moments before discovering the winner.
Lesser Tom, what happened before the break?
Our contestants ignored the snap,
ignored the crackle and focused on the pop.
Yeah, I think we've got the winning moment
we can have another look at.
I should clarify too.
There was nothing in the rules
that said that you couldn't move the spot.
Yes, I think it was a bit of a Hand Of God moment.
But, yeah, the Premium Economy Hooley Dooleys were playing dirty,
and I liked it.
But, yeah, it was just more felt like a one-nil win
at a major World Cup event.
So, I think I'm going to allocate one, one, zero, zero, zero..
OK. What?!
It's a win.
And the question on the tip of everyone's Michael Buble
is, who is the winner?
Well, it was a tight one, but the winner is Mother Superior herself.
It's Josh Thomas with 16 points.
OK.
Congratulations, Josh, please go and collect your prizes
and your complimentary adult diapers.
Now we're at the end of episode eight,
how about an update on the season score?
Our lovely lovers are loving it at the top.
Anne's in second,
but Lloyd has a three-point lead with 127 points over the season.
And there we have it.
Eight episodes down, and what have we learned?
We learned that Anne's outfit looks good on a mannequin,
but even better on Josh.
We learned that Lloyd loves skipping stones almost as much
as he loves skipping out on his family to have torrid affairs.
And Wil taught us way more than we wanted to know
about what the inside of his beast hole looks like.
Congrats once more to our winner, Josh.
And goodnight to all you winners!
Teddy.
We're back. Oh, that's not good at all.
I can see you judging me.
Mummy's got a secret.
This is fun.
Are you failing as you're succeeding?
(WAILS)
This is going to be so rude.
It's a lot to take in, it's gonna...