That's a shocking start!
Ooh!
Yep. That's it. Where's Tom?!
No! I hate you.
Let me out of here!
Hello and welcome to Taskmaster.
It's our third episode and after my week-long cryogenic sleep,
they've updated my moral source code
with what's OK and what's not OK to joke about.
Look out, straight white men - I'm coming for you!
Let's meet the cast.
The stinky and old Dave Hughes.
Whoo!
The wonderful Emma Holland.
The irreplaceable Lisa McCune.
The very cool and suave Takashi Wakasugi.
And the stinky and getting old Tommy Little.
Hello!
And next to me, the boy who spends his week hanging out at the library,
telling people to 'shh'
and getting tingles in his naughty region
at the brilliance of the Dewey Decimal System...
...it's Tom Cashman.
How are you this week? I've been inspired this week.
'Cause we have a warm-up guy on the show, called Steve Philip.
I've been trying to do something similar -
I've been trying to become a warm guy.
Is that warmth? It was an attempt at warmth.
OK.
OK. Princess, what's our first task for the show?
Our first task is a prize task
and this week, our contestants have been asked to bring in
what they consider to be the swankiest thing.
Alright. So, Waka. Yes?
What do you have for me?
I brought birds. Birds.
And, uh, crested birds.
That's why I put my hair like this.
It takes so long!
Lots of time and effort there.
But these birds, when they wake up,
already there!
It's a rainy day - it's already there.
That's the swankiest thing.
I reckon. It's, you know, naturally swankiest.
I must admit, it's a problem I can't really relate to.
Alright.
Lisa, what did you bring in? Look, I brought a high tea.
It's pretty and it's nice and everybody gets dressed up for it
and partakes in it together and there's conversation -
polite conversation.
As opposed to low tea, which is an issue I deal with.
Yes. What does a low tea involve?
Um, 'T' is short for testosterone.
You really are lesser in every way, aren't you?
'Cause apparently, too much testosterone causes baldness.
I'm just saying I'm locked and loaded.
Is that true, or is that just something they say to bald men
to make them feel better about themselves?
Yeah, it's just some annoying thing from science, Hughesy.
You enjoy your full head of hair
and your one sperm cell rattling around your empty nuts.
You'll be fine.
See, I've had a vasectomy anyway, so I don't...
...so they can't get out whether they're there or not.
Hey, Hughes?
When you've had a vasectomy, does it just go, like..."Pah!"
Mate, I'll show you later.
Alright. So, Emma, what's the swankiest thing you've brought in?
I brought in something I made.
It's a golden statue of Hilary Swank.
And it looks exactly like her.
Are you a massive Hilary Swank fan?
Oh, absolutely. I love all of her work.
Including what?
Oh, just the movies, you know? All the cinema that she's in.
You know? A real fan wouldn't pick a favourite.
Uh, Tommy, what did you bring in that you thought was swanky?
I brought in an invitation I got from the - at the time - royals.
Uh... Ooh!
From Harry and Meghan and I RSVP'd and then forgot.
They didn't do a follow-up check!
So I think it's a bit on them, Tom.
So you needed not just a royal invite -
you needed a royal reminder.
Yes!
OK, Dave. What's the swankiest thing you've brought in?
An electric foot masseuse.
So, you put your feet on it and it...
Underneath it, things come up
and make you feel like you're a king or a queen
or, you know,
whatever gender-neutral term you have for royalty.
So, how much does that cost, d'you reckon, Hughesy?
Oh, I got it for free but I reckon if you bought it,
I've no idea - what do you reckon?
Yeah, like, what - $49.99?
It sounds affordable.
Yeah, I'm not an elitist. Uh, it's anyone...
Well, for this prize task, you're supposed to be.
Oh, right. Yeah.
'Cause this seems very affordable and something anyone could get,
which doesn't feel swanky at all to me.
Anyway, I'm already starting to score - 1.
I don't even want to hear your defence of it.
I'm gonna go 2 points for Lisa.
I appreciate what you were trying to do
but it's not quite as special as a fancy bird,
so I'm gonna give 3 points to Waka.
Thank you.
I feel like I'm going to give 4 points to Tommy Little,
'cause that's a very swanky invitation
but for all the effort, I mean, Hilary Swank -
you can't get more swanky than Hilary.
That's true. 5 points to Emma.
Well done.
OK. Let's get into a task!
Like someone who purchased the hit single 'Don't Stop Believing'
and was unsatisfied,
it's time to Return Journey.
Come in. Hey, Tom.
Hi, Waka. Hey.
Hi, Dave. How are you?
I'm OK. Little kiss?
Sure.
Who's doing who?
Cheek?
Mwah.
Second for good measure? Oh, sorry! So rude!
May as well go a third.
Oh, yep. OK. That was twisted.
That was a bit wet, that one. I'm so sorry.
I'll just...
"Make this exercise ball go as far away as possible from you
"and have it come back."
"Once the exercise ball has left you..."
"..you may not take a step without forfeiting an attempt."
"Furthest return journey wins."
"You have 15 minutes."
"Your time starts now."
Alright. I love that.
How can I do this?
So I can have multiple attempts?
Yep. Do whatever I like?
Well, not whatever... Well, within reason.
Can't do whatever you like. I can't do whatever I like.
There's certain rules, morality... Yeah, you've told me the rules.
Absolutely, yep. Morality? Did you say 'morality'?
Yeah, there's, kind of, moral boundaries limiting your behaviour.
I suppose they are and I'm not even thinking about it.
That's subconscious, isn't it?
So, Lesser Tom, what moral boundaries are holding you back
from doing what you actually want to do?
Tax fraud.
That's your first go-to?
I don't think you have to pay tax if you earn under $18,000.
I love this.
I feel like this is nerd-on-nerd action! I love it!
So, I've gotta say, Lesser Tom, Tommy -
was this the beginning of something?
I hoped it was.
Were you looking for favourable treatment?
No, Tom just hadn't had some action in a long time.
Jock-on-nerd action.
OK. Who's first?
First to have a ball while they throw a ball at the wall,
it's two people whose names I really wish rhymed with 'ball'
it's Lisa and Waka.
I just put this and I can come back without moving.
Wow.
Well done.
Not too bad.
That's pretty good. I'll look for another way now.
I have to trust my tape.
Well done.
Alright. I know. It's strange.
OK.
90 seconds.
I'm gonna try and use gravity.
How many minutes have I got left?
You've got 1 minute, 57 seconds.
Oh, my god!
That was pretty good. That was pretty good.
Yes! You moved.
Oh, sorry. 15 seconds.
I'm just gonna throw it back, just in case, by magic, it comes back.
Ooh.
Fingers crossed. Yep.
12 seconds.
Maybe if I wished hard enough, it might come back.
I think, potentially, at this point,
we may have to give up hope.
I liked your approach, there, Lisa,
where you thought you'd just throw it in the air,
'cause you've got nothing to lose
and hoped that by magic, it'll just come back.
You just never know. Yeah.
Like, sometimes just change
and it might have, kind of, come back.
Like, there's magic in... I believe in magic.
Yes. OK.
Waka, you had mixed results with the string.
You had a bit of a shit sticky-tape situation.
Yeah, once you made decision and it didn't work well,
your brains go panic.
Yes. Yeah.
That's why I just tie it.
That was the second-best option.
OK. 'Cause at that point, you're in a panic.
You don't have much time to go, so you just thought,
"I'll just fling it at shit."
I know. I did the best job. I saw that.
That looks so bad.
OK. Well, I feel like we need to know the measurements know.
Well, Waka, by throwing it at a stack of tyres
when there was an extremely flat wall right behind him...
That was bad. I know.
Your result was 7.42 metres.
Lisa's reliance on golf, then gravity, then God
but ultimately with the string,
got 14.2 metres.
Oh! That's good.
It's not bad. OK.
Well, it's time for an ad break,
so just like a big, red ball with Lisa casting spells behind it,
we hope you come back.
Hello! Welcome back to Taskmaster.
Give us a recap, my little chap.
Our contestants are sending exercise balls away
and hoping they come back
and the furthest return journey without taking a step wins.
Next up - one's a boomer, the other one likes meringues.
Let's put them together and watch them 'boom-meringue'.
It's Dave and Emma.
Alright. Let's go for a safety.
Alright. That's coming back.
No steps.
That's a keeper. OK.
D'you have any, like, remote-controlled cars?
I think there's one in the shed.
If I deflate this and use a drone, I think I can get this done.
You come here often?
Here? Yeah, heaps. Yeah. Oh.
Go find me a drone. Go!
Go find a drone!
Really need that to stay in there.
This is gonna protect me when the drone brings it back to me.
Is it coming backwards? It's coming backwards.
OK. From wherever it's stopped there.
Nice.
Gonna have another go? How much time do I have?
2 minutes and 27 seconds. OK.
Send the drone! Ball, fly away!
Come on, ball! Come on!
Go, ball! Please go away from me!
Make me a winner!
That seems to be a long way.
I think this is a win if you can come back!
I think you can come back now!
Or... or keep going, if you like. You decide.
Time? 1 minute.
Please come back! Stay in the air!
Stay up! I want you back!
Where did you go? You're not gonna turn back?
You're crazy. What time?
43 seconds. Alright.
Come back, ball! I think it's landed itself.
- Come back! - I think it can't handle the weight.
She's strugglin'.
Oh, no! 20 seconds.
We're running out of power! I'm running out of time!
It's so close. Please come back!
Oh! Yes! Come on!
6 seconds.
God damn you!
Oh!
It had the vibe of such - victory. - Yeah, it did.
Why did you go so far away?
We bit off more than we could chew.
God damn it!
Oh!
Uh, so, Emma, you must have been very proud of your first attempt there.
Yeah, I was happy it came back to me.
I'm more concerned about the fact that this is not the first time
Hughesy and I have thought of the same thing.
I don't know. I...I'm not comfortable with that.
So you were pretty happy with the remote-controlled car?
That worked really well.
Would've you liked it if the editors didn't include your second attempt?
You could've looked like a real champ.
That would have been awesome but they didn't do that, did they?
Dave, just to be clear -
you were controlling the drone by yelling at it?
Uh, look, let's not get into that.
Um the fact is the drone was my idea.
No-one else thought of a drone.
It was a brilliant idea and it was almost, probably,
the best task ever, in the history of this show.
Uh...
So, I'm guessing Emma's first attempt was the winner.
Emma's first attempt
was a successful return distance of 49.05 metres.
Oh, wow!
OK. So that was quite a distance round the back of the house.
And then Dave's drone distance would have been 51.2...
Awww!
...if it came back - but of course, it didn't,
which means we'll go with his safety, of...
Waka, you'll remember that, the wall behind.
...15.6 metres.
Alright. OK.
So there's still a score there. Alright.
Well, give us another, then!
Whilst I may not exactly have consented to his kiss on the lips,
I consent to him being next - it's Tommy Little.
Hey - is there keys in that car?
That's actually been a bit of an issue recently...
What do you mean? Nothing.
Let's check the car. OK.
Uh, I'm gonna need you to - drive. - Oh, OK.
I'm just gonna put the ball in the passenger seat.
OK.
And then drive it as far as you - can. - OK.
And then come back. OK.
And... go!
I have no faith in this van coming back.
Somehow.
Pretty lonely way of doing things.
Come on.
Yeah!
Hey, Tommy. You've got 15 seconds.
Thank you. No worries.
Thanks, Tommy. You did wonderful.
Thank you. You did too. Thank you.
Tommy, did you just do something clever?
It was very...
Stop it.
I'm saying... it was very disorienting.
I was expecting you to deflate the ball, shove it up your arse
or put it in your pants.
To see you actually do something clever,
I think it really threw all of us, didn't it?
Is that within the rules, that this time he can just do something...
You also instructed someone to take yours away.
OK. Well, how did he do?
The total distance, including the 19-point turn I had to do
to turn the van around,
was 774 metres.
So that means 1 point goes to Waka,
Lisa gets 2, Dave gets 3, Emma gets 4
but the winner of the task, with the driving, is Tommy, with 5 points.
And then, for the overall episode scores,
we've got three 4s at the bottom and two 9s at the top,
with Emma and Tommy leading so far.
OK, lad. Another task, please.
Yeah, we could - or maybe, let's bloody head to the pub.
Down some brewskis and watch the footy, or have an arm wrestle or...
This will make more sense when you watch the task.
Hi, Emma. Hi, Tom.
Oh!
That's a shitter.
Oh! Oh...
Either the art department wins an award or someone gets arrested, mate,
'cause that's not right.
Oh!
Can I pee, or... No, thank you.
Thank you. Oh, goodness.
I feel like this should play into my strengths.
I feel like it's the only task so far
where I've walked out and gone, "Comfortable."
Tommy, I think you're gonna be right.
You do?
"Be a man." "Manliest man wins."
"You have 30 minutes."
"Your time starts now."
30 minutes?
That's right.
Yeah.
So how do I be a man? I've gotta be a man.
What do men like?
Would you like to know my thoughts?
Initially, it was just lift up the toilet, OK,
and throw it off a balcony.
Men like Quentin Tarantino.
What if I make a Quentin Tarantino-style film
about pissing standing up?
Lot of foot shots? Yeah.
You know what the most manly thing to be is?
Mmm?
To show your vulnerability.
Maybe I might do a day in the life of a man.
Oh, wow. You're gonna be the - man? - Oh, actually, no.
That's actually a good point - I could get YOU to be the man
and I could direct you.
Cool. Oh, that's good.
I think what is... makes a man manly
is always...
...women.
Do you think what makes a man manly is women?
Yeah. Protect women.
Are you trying to use this show as a vehicle to impress women?
So, I have to ask -
why was there a shit in Hughesy's toilet and no-one else's?
'Cause none of the others had one in there.
Did you do something earlier on...?I didn't shit in the toilet!
Do you think I was gonna eat it or something?!
I don't understand...
What?! What?!
Out of all the steps, why was that the next one?
And also, just to be clear, Hughesy,
it's very manly to own up to something.
I didn't shit in the toilet!
Oh, well, they've got their promo.
Yeah.
OK. Which man are we getting to see first?
Being a manly man in the style of everyone's favourite man,
it's Emma Holland.
Can I get you a drink?
Emma!
The crowd loved it.
So, just to be clear, did you piss all over the seat
and then put the seat up after that?
Yeah - and then I flushed and then did a shit and gave it to Hughesy.
I think it's brilliant. I feel like this came from a real place, though.
Have you had to sit through
a lot of men banging on about how great Quentin Tarantino is?
Yeah. I've met men. Yeah.
He is great. Yeah.
Of course you would love that, Freaky McFreak.
It was quite satirical
and it was making fun of men
but it was so accurate that men in the crowd were going,
"Oh, cool - Quentin Tarantino."
Yeah. And what is being a man if not oblivious?
Alright. Time for something else manly.
Trying to coerce society into making decisions against their wishes,
through power and influence - they're ad breaks.
Back soon.
Hello and welcome back to Taskmaster.
We're playing for something Dave Hughes's buniony feet
have been in.
Connect some dots, Lesser Tom.
Our contestants are trying to be really, really manly.
Or, to me, normal.
Next up - of our cast, he has the most tattoos
and if you think that makes him a bad boy,
oh, baby, you've got no idea.
It's Tommy Little.
I think I need to say something. Something manly.
What we do in this life echoes to eternity.
Ooh. That's beautiful.
Thank you. Should I also do a 'Gladiator' quote?
I got it!
Yeah!
Are you not entertained?!
That was good!
You think you did well in this one?
Are you...? Are you kidding?!
This could be one of my prouder moments.
Tommy, thanks for that example of toxic masculinity.
Any time, Tom. It was very powerful.
It was so fun.
It worked - I mean, it was very manly.
You had to lift it - that was - heavy. - Yeah, it was heavy. It was dumb.
Yeah? It was... it was fun!
Yeah. Yeah!
And there was a reference to 'Gladiator',
which is up the Tarantino end of the spectrum.
Yeah!
Then, afterwards, I found Hughesy's toilet and took a shit in it!
This is turning into a very low-brow whodunnit.
I didn't realise we had such a budget
we could throw toilets off balconies!
No, I think there was only one.
No, we had to replace it. It cost $370.
Alright. The only issue is...
It was very manly - you had to lift it up, you threw it off the balcony,
it smashed and you yelled out a 'Gladiator' quote.
Yes! But there was just...
We've got a photo of what your face looked like
after you let go of the toilet.
Yes! This'll be manly. Yeah.
Alright. Throw me another bloke, please.
Being the manliest man by showing his feminine side,
it's Dave Hughes.
You know what I... I don't do often enough?
I don't cry, man. I need to cry more.
I need you to lie on the ground.
OK.
I need you to just tap one leg.
I need you to growl just a little bit.
Go, "Eurrrgh."
Just do, "Grrrr."
It's OK, buddy.
18 long years, we had together.
Me and you.
You are my best friend.
The whole family loved you, man.
Oh!
We miss you, man.
Doggy doormat. Never worked it out, did you?
18 years.
Barking outside. "Let me in!"
There was a way to let yourself in.
It was on hinges. You f---ing idiot!
But that was alright.
We didn't mind, 'cause we loved you, man.
I'm gonna hug you, man.
Good on you, mate. I love you, Ugly.
Right. I think I'm done. OK?
I had an emotional moment with my dog.
I'm gonna go now. Mmm.
Alright.
I mean, the very first thing you brought in
was your dog's ashes.
This is a light entertainment show! It's supposed to be comedy!
I know! But Tom really turned into him!
That is one of the most uncomfortable moments of my life.
Yeah. I appreciate what you did.
You go above and beyond the call of duty many times
but being my dog is something I'll never forget.
So if you ever want to come round to my house,
I'd love to put a lead on you and walk you.
Alright. Test me with some more testosterone, please.
If you remove one of the C's,
her full name is legitimately an anagram for the word 'masculine',
which means her whole name is an anagram for 'C-masculine'.
Let's 'SEE' masculine with Lisa McCune.
Unbelievable!
So, this first scene, you're just waking up in the morning.
OK. Then I'm going to...
Have you got YouTube on there? OK. So, that's...
You kind of know where we're going. OK.
Oh, alright. OK.
It's not working.
That's what I'm trying to get, OK?
Yeah, so just roll over and we'll keep playing it.
Oh!
It's not that one. That one's stuck.
Go the back!
OK. Here we go. So, we're asleep.
Um...
I just wanted one sound!
OK. Here we go.
Oh, there we go.
Tom...
I'm getting up. I can't... OK.
I know it doesn't worry you but...
Oh!
I apologise.
And that is being a man.
I mean, god! I was stuck.
And you don't have YouTube Premium.
And I needed my glasses and I couldn't see the button -
it was just a disaster.
But you accidentally really homed in on something.
Which was...? Something very manly.
I mean, how many times have you watched a middle-aged man
fumble their way through YouTube?
'Cause they've got no idea what they're doing!
OK. Great. That was actually what I was meant... Yeah.
It was totally what we were getting at.
Alright. It's time for a break.
Have you checked your prostate lately?
Back with more man-chat soon!
Hello and welcome back to Taskmaster,
where we've just been hanging out with our wangs out.
Yes, that's right - we've had four versions of a man.
Now here's an attempt at Superman - it's Takashi Wakasugi.
Thank you so much for coming, Thomasina.
You are so beautiful.
My heart's burning like a glow - worm. - Oh.
I'm so hot. You're so hot. You want to drink anything?
I mean, it's early but let's have a few cocktails.
Cocktails? Any time.
She's a bitch!
She betrayed me and she stole my money!
I want to kill her.
I can feel something. Someone watching.
There!
See you in hell!
Aargh! Thomasina!
Aah!
Waka! You are so beautiful.
I love you.
Oh!
Waka!
NO!
Waka!
Are you OK?
You don't look OK!
Sorry for the wait.
Let's talk about...
your dream.
Cheers for our future.
Oh, so good. What a guy!
So, Waka, what was your thinking here?
Thinking of strong, protect
and fill... make the promise - bring the cocktails.
Yeah.
You took a bullet as well. Yep.
Yeah, between the eyes.
Yeah.
I like the way you dived through the air
and took all the bullets in your chest
and then you turned around and it was in your head.
Lots of things going on, yeah. Yeah, yeah.
And also now, I understand why you guys kiss each other.
Tom is very attractive.
I must say, this is one of hardest tasks I've ever had to score.
Mmm.
'Cause they were all very, very manly.
But I'm gonna give 1 point to - Tommy. - OK.
But that's just... that's where we're at.
That's the base manly level,
is smashing a toilet and yelling out a 'Gladiator' quote.
That's where we're at.
I'm really happy to take his 1. I don't think I was very good.
No. A man would never let you. OK.
Very good.
Well, I'm gonna give 2 points to Lisa,
because fumbling through YouTube was still very manly,
despite that being a mistake.
3 points to Emma, for the Tarantino film, 'cause it was great...
Oooh! Oh, unpopular opinion!
Maybe you haven't watched this show, Emma.
I don't give a shit what they think.
That's been firmly established.
If you are on Reddit at the moment, you can all go yourselves.
I'm gonna give 4 points to Hughesy,
because being honest with your emotions, it's a lot.
But I'm gonna give 5 points to Waka, because, I mean,
that was just a bloodthirsty...
...entertaining look at manliness!
Alright. Slice me up a fresh task, please, then, Lesser Tom.
Sure.
Like Joseph taking his wife to the beach,
this one's about to get Mary Shelley.
Tommy! Hi, Dave.
How are you? I'm OK.
That's good.
Hmm? Mmm!
Oopsy.
"Dress as Frankenstein and video-call someone in your contacts.
"If they allude to how you're dressed..."
"..you must end your phone call immediately."
"If you tell them not to mention how you're dressed,
"you'll be disqualified."
"Best-dressed Frankenstein wins."
"All other people will be scored
"based on who has the longest video call..."
"You have 15 minutes to dress..."
"..then 5 minutes to begin your video call."
"Your time starts now."
Alright. Frankenstein. Frankenstein.
OK. I'm gonna go and get dressed as Frankenstein.
OK. Great.
So, a simple one but just to be clear,
they don't have to mention that they're Frankenstein.
No.
They just cannot talk about their appearance.
Any mention of the contestant's appearance,
they need to hang up immediately.
And that's it. Alright. Who are we gonna see first?
Calling their family, it's Tommy and Emma.
Yeah. I'm gonna get some stuff. What does Frankenstein look like?
How long have we got? 12 minutes and 18 seconds.
OK. I'm ready.
OK. I'm gonna try my little sister.
I've got an ace up my sleeve.
My dad is pretty blind. Oh.
I think I'm just gonna talk at her.
Oh, OK. Not let her have a word in.
Oh, my god. I look so green.
Are you busy?
Oh, my god. Um, I have to tell you a story.
"Frankenstein is a framed story written in es... epistolary form.
"Set in the 18th century, it documents a fictional correspondence
"between Captain Robert Walton and his sister Margaret Walton-Seville."
Hello, pa!
How are you?
I'm good. How are you?
Yeah, I'm pretty good. I'm pretty good.
"After departing from Archangel, the ship is trapped by pack-ice..."
"..from an obsession that he..."
"Victor begins by telling of his childhood..."
"..to a wealthy Genevan family..."
Are you busy? No.
OK. Great.
"From a young age, Victor has a strong desire
"to understand the world."
Hey, are the mighty 'Pies gonna win tonight?
Well, nobody thinks they are. I think, uh...
He thinks it's a phone call.
Honestly, it's just a video of his neck.
Well, we can talk about something else if you want to.
You know what? No. I'm gonna keep reading this to you.
"Victor buries himself in experiments to deal with grief."
I'm round next weekend. Are you up for brekky or something like that?
Would I be round? Oh...
This is just a personal call. Can I hang up soon?
Whenever you want.
Thanks for the call, mate. Love you.
Miss you and I'll see you... um, I'll see you next weekend.
OK. Will do. OK. Bye.
D'you have anything else to say, anything to comment on?
Um, are you dressed like Frankenstein?
Oh!
Sorry for swearing.
He just thought it was a phone call.
The video was on his ear the whole time,
except - did you see, right at the end,
he's just seen...
a green man
who he's just been chatting to?
With a panicked look on his face! I'm just like this - "Oh, shit!
"He's onto me!"
I reckon that went OK. It felt like a long call.
Oh, surely I'm gonna win this one!
You made a really good point, Tommy.
Let's just have a look at the moment that Tommy's dad hung up on him.
It does look like he saw your green face for the first time.
Oh, I still don't think he knows.
Because we had to get a release form to sign
and I thought, "Dad's gonna have some questions
"about why I filmed his phone call."
And I said, "Dad, can you sign this?"
And all he said was, "When am I gonna be on TV?"
He even lucked on to something, 'cause he answered a video call
as an audio call,
so he wasn't looking at you the whole time.
- No. - Did it feel like a long phone call?
It was the longest phone call I've ever had with my dad.
OK.
So it took a task for you to bond with your dad.
Yeah. I don't think that's unusual. Yeah.
OK.
Well, Emma, great strategy.
You justified your appearance straightaway,
then barrelled into a really long story
your sister didn't want to hear.
I pulled out the Wikipedia page for 'Frankenstein'
and just read from top to bottom.
You just kept reading the whole thing, just kept barrelling through.
I feel like you've got the kooky-confident sister vibes
from the way she was putting up with you.
That's...
I don't think it's the weirdest phone call we've ever had.
Well, I feel like we need to know how long those phone calls went for.
The longest call Tommy's ever had with his dad -
5 minutes and 57 seconds.
Emma's witty feat, on the other hand,
went for 13 minutes and 26 seconds.
Alright. Who's our next cold-covered-in-make-up-caller?
Calling their son and their friend respectively -
and hopefully also respectfully -
it's Lisa and Waka.
I didn't worry about the bottom half, 'cause I kind of figure
that it's kind of... they're not gonna see the bottom half.
Two questions. OK.
Is it... be dangerous to put glue to my body, skin?
What's happening on your neck?
That's... Frankenstein had had the neck cut off.
I've had to put it back on. OK.
I'm gonna call my son. Not my mum. Not my mum.
My mum. Scary.
Harry, John. My comedian friends.
Hi, mate. How are you? Are you good?
Hey, I was just ringing to see - is the shower still leaking?
Hello, Harry.
Waka! How are you going?
How's your gig, the Melbourne China Town things?
You had a hair... I had to have a haircut.
Yeah, I just...
Oh!
Why do you look like that?
How many people there?
Well, why... why do you look like that?
It wasn't very long, was it?
I didn't say anything!
He said, "Why do you look like that?"
Of course!
If he didn't say anything, he's the idiot.
Ah, yeah.
Waka, who did you ring up? Harry Jun, my comedian friend.
Oh, he's a comedian? Yep. He's very funny.
OK. Were you just wanting to show off that you're on Taskmaster?
No, he's nice guy and...
bit sad with result but I'm happy Harry's a normal guy.
Oh, so you...
...you were relieved that your friend was normal.
Yeah. If he didn't ask me, that's his problem.
So, Lisa, you tried to engage your teenage son
with a chat about a leaky shower head.
Yeah, I thought Oliver would have played ball
a little better than he did
but then, I think I may have overdone it with the hair.
If I'd just done the face, he might have just thought,
"Oh, Mum's got a face mask on," and he might have kept going.
I know now it's about getting the balance right,
'cause I don't look great in the morning
and I think that's probably...
he kind of is used to seeing a certain decay.
Alright. I think we need to look at the times.
Waka's phone call with his very normal friend
lasted 14 seconds.
Yep. But he's normal.
Lisa's phone call with her very normal son lasted 13 seconds.
Oh, less! Oh!
Alright.
Sit back and keep your eyes glued to these advertisements.
Unless you're Tommy's dad - then get up close and put your ear to them.
Back soon.
Hello!
Welcome back to a collection
of carefully arranged pixels and sound waves,
otherwise known as Taskmaster.
What's happening?
Our contestants are dressing as Frankenstein
and trying to have the longest video call they can before someone mentions their appearance.
Next up - he loves an energy drink but can he become a monster?
It's Dave Hughes.
Have you read the book 'Frankenstein'?
I would have, yeah. Absolutely, I would have but years ago.
But I know Frankenstein is a monster
created by...
...Dr Frankenstein.
Oh, dress as Frankenstein.
Frankenstein is not the monster!
Frankenstein's the doctor.
I've already cracked the code here.
"Best-dressed Frankenstein wins."
So I've gotta dress like a doctor.
Right.
Who you gonna call? What about Andy Lee?
I'm just gonna talk about stuff, yeah?
Hey, buddy. How you going?
Where are you?
Where am I? I'm just, uh... just cruisin'.
Where are you, man? What are you doing? You're...
I'm at Grill'd, about to have a burger.
You're gonna have a burger at Grill'd. That's cool, man.
What sort of burger are you gonna have?
What's going on?
Yeah, you're going...
Well, the Blues are having a good year, aren't they, mate? So, yep.
Are you...?
are you appearing on air in a shit hat?
I'm pretty good.
Well, I had many predictions about you before this show, Hughesy,
and one of them was not you being across classical literature.
I'm more well read than I look like I am, so, um, yeah.
And that was... I'm so, "You dickheads!"
I was so impressed. I found out then.
Can I point out that even Emma didn't realise
that 'Frankenstein' described the doctor
and she read the entire Wikipedia page.
Just to be clear, so whoever was the best Frankenstein just gets 5 points.
We don't judge them by the length of the phone call.
That's right. That means Hughesy's on 5.
Yes.
And then 1 point goes to Lisa,
'cause she had the shortest phone call,
then we have Waka with 2 points, Tommy with 3, Emma with 4
but Dave Hughes wins the task with 5 points.
Alright, you little Frankensteins,
up on the stage for the last task of the show.
Alright. Who's doing the honours this time, squirt?
Dave Hughes will read the task.
"Choose an item to place in the vessel to raise the water level.
"Once an item has been touched,
"it must go in the jar.
"If you cause the jar to overflow,
you are eliminated.
Last person standing wins.
Lisa, please select an item.
I'm gonna start off really, really conservatively.
You know, just to kind of get us going.
Waka.
Nice. Oh, OK.
I'm gonna put star-fishy back home.
I'm gonna write my own story.
Are you the doctor or the monster?
I'm going with Tommy Little.
Whoa.
That's it.
Dave, did you just touch an item?
You have to put that item in when it's your turn.
Dave, you must select the poker chips.
I was hoping one would drop off.
It's touching liquid.
Oh!
Here we go. Oh, look at that!
What's he doing?
Some of it's touching liquid! No way.
It's touching liquid.
I don't know what I'm doing. Just gonna try this.
There was overflow. See you later, guys.
Ooh. That was not a ping-pong ball.
That is a ping-pong ball filled with concrete.
I don't see any overflow. Oh-ho-ho!
It's in.
Oh! It is a weighted ducky.
Oh!
There's overflow. Dave Hughes has been eliminated.
OK. Tommy, please select an item.
Little dog.
It's in.
Oh...
Put it in! 2 seconds!
It's in. Oh!
There's overflow. That's dripping.
Waka is eliminated.
Alright.
That jar is certainly more than half full
but I'm optimistic we will find a winner.
See you after the break.
Welcome back to Taskmaster.
We've had blokes, jokes and things that don't float
but we're not done yet.
That's right. We're in the middle of a live task.
We're down to the final two.
The person who overflows this receptacle will be eliminated.
Please select an item.
It's in.
Oh, no. It's real cheese!
Oh!
Emma Holland is the winner!
Well done. Well done.
Alright. Mop up the stage so we can mop up the scores and find a winner.
Alright. How do we hand out the scores there?
Well, Lisa gets 1 point, Dave on 2, Waka 3,
Tommy gets 4 points
but Emma wins the task with 5 points.
OK.
Before we get our episode winner,
how's the series looking after three episodes?
Well, Lisa, Tommy, Waka and Dave are all bumping shoulders in the pack
but a length ahead is Emma, on 54 points.
So, who's the episode winner?
Lisa's in last place with 8 points.
Then we've got Waka with 14, Dave with 15,
Tommy with 17 but winning a second episode is Emma, with 21 points.
Alright. Congratulations, Emma.
Go up on stage and claim your swanky crap.
So, what have we learnt?
Well, Hughesy taught everyone that Frankenstein is the doctor,
because, incredibly, he's read the book.
But more importantly, he's learning right now
that, in Murder On The Orient Express style,
it was all of us who crapped in his dunny.
Once more, well done, Emma,
and well done to all of us for another cracker of an episode.
Nighty-night!
Captions by Red Bee Media Australia
No-one ever thinks about what it's like to be a Taskmaster
when you have to deal with all this shit.
Don't talk to me.
Oh, my god!
Just gotta be honest - I don't know what the f---'s going on.