That's a shocking start!
Ohh!
A-a-a-gh!
[BELLOWS]
[GROANS] Yep. That's it.
[YELLS] Where's Tom?!
Agh!
[ALL SCREAM]
No!
I hate you.
Let me out of here!
[CHEERING, APPLAUSE]
Hello. Welcome to Taskmaster.
We're nearly at the end of our season.
Which means I might only have a couple more cracks at this
before they replace me with someone younger
and more active on social media.
[LAUGHTER]
For now, I'm still Tom Gleeson.
[CHEERING, APPLAUSE]
Let's meet the cast.
They are, again, Dave Hughes...
[CHEERING, APPLAUSE]
..Emma Holland...
[CHEERING, APPLAUSE]
..Lisa McCune...
[CHEERING, APPLAUSE]
..Takashi Wakasugi...
[CHEERING, APPLAUSE]
..and Tommy Little.
Hello!
[CHEERING, APPLAUSE]
And next to me -
his two best friends are a cardboard cut-out of one of the Spy Kids
from Spy Kids... [LAUGHTER]
..and his own drawing of the other Spy Kid from Spy Kids -
it's Tom Cashman.
[CHEERING, APPLAUSE]
Alright, get us going with the prize task, cutie pie.
Of course, our first task is a prize task.
Each of our contestants have brought in a prize,
and the winner of tonight's episode will take home all five prizes.
Tonight our contestants have been asked to bring in
what they consider to be
the thing that most gives you the heebie jeebies.
[LAUGHTER]
Alright. Dave, what did you bring in?
I brought in, uh...
..my own head.
Uh...
[LAUGHTER]
You can get them made. It's not that expensive.
Oh, really?
Oh, really? I had no idea.
I had no idea, Hughesy. I had no idea.
[CHEERING, APPLAUSE]
Despite all the cuts and bleeding,
that head still looks so much better than yours.
[LAUGHTER]
That is... That's... I don't know how to react to that.
That is...
That is...Sorry. I think I can spell it out.
You look better dead.
[LAUGHTER] Which I think is comforting.
And, so, open casket at the funeral when it comes around.
So, um... Yeah. So, I've got that at home.
My wife gets real heebie jeebies from that, so, yeah.
OK. Uh... Waka, what did you bring in?
Yes, I brought a alarm.
[RINGS]
Because you have to wake up.
And if you miss the alarm, you're gonna miss opportunity.
You're gonna lose money. You're gonna miss flight.
A lot of pressure.
I feel like you've got the heebie jeebies mixed up with just annoying.
[LAUGHTER]
No, it's...
Heebie jeebies? You seriously wake up like, "Oh, God. Ooh, an alarm"?
Yeah, the time, and I go, "Ohh...
"Oof!"
[LAUGHTER]
Waka's really got me with this one.
[LAUGHTER]
Alright. Lisa, what did you bring in?
Uh... These are some photographs
of, um...terrible, terrible parking.
[LAUGHTER]
That's obviously dangerous and annoying.
Um... This was a classic. [LAUGHTER]
This was actually outside my local supermarket,
and I photographed them quite often
because I find them so amazing that that, to me, is incredible.
And it gives me the heebie jeebies.
I love that this is in a photo album with lines,
so, the implication is you've been writing how you've been feeling
about the images.
[LAUGHTER]
OK. So, Tommy, what gives you the heebie jeebies?
This is one of the poorest career decisions I ever made.
I decided to get in the ring
with, at the time, world champion boxer Tim Tszyu.
Um...
I lasted 11 seconds and he broke and dislocated one of my ribs.
[ALL EXCLAIM]
And, so, the thing that gives me the heebie jeebies
is the glove he used to break that rib.
It's signed by him.
[LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE]
Oh, my God.
OK, so, this is not really an item that gives you heebie jeebies,
it's just an item that gives you an excuse
to boast about being in the boxing ring with Tim Tszyu.
[LAUGHTER]
We... We...
Don't...
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
If you think boasting about an 11-second performance
is something worth doing,
then we have different standards, TG.
[LAUGHTER]
Yeah, 11 is pretty good.
[LAUGHTER]
Alright. Emma.
I've brought in a candy dispenser with your head on it.
Oh. But...
[LAUGHTER]
Hang on, are you telling me
my head gives you the heebie jeebies?No, no, no.
'Cause it doesn't give ME the heebie jeebies?
No, no, no, no.
Inside of it, instead of candy,
is my baby teeth.
[ALL EXCLAIM]
[APPLAUSE]
Yeah! That's brilliant.
[CHEERING, APPLAUSE]
Oh!
[APPLAUSE]
You know what?
I've always thought you were a bit of a weird unit, but that is off.
[LAUGHTER]
Where did you get your baby teeth from?
Have you been keeping them?
Aren't your parents supposed to keep them?
No, I've been stocking them up.
I didn't want the tooth fairy to take them
'cause I figured if I kept all that money in savings,
the interest would build up.
OK, I should give out some points.TOM CASHMAN: Yes, please.
Well, I'm gonna give 1 point to Waka.
OK. 'Cause it's just an alarm.
It's annoying. I don't think it gives me the heebie jeebies as such.
It gives you the beepie beepies.Yeah.
[LAUGHTER]
Can we cut that out?
[LAUGHTER]Did you say, "Can we cut that out?"
Yeah. No, no, no.
Can we just get a pick-up of him saying it
so we can definitely include it?
[LAUGHTER]
Say it again. The beepie beepies.
There you go. [LAUGHTER]
I just wanted to get it clean without me talking on top of you.
And I'm gonna give 2 points to Tommy Little
because I feel like that was just an excuse to boast.
I'm gonna give 3 points to Lisa.
Bad parking gives ME the heebie jeebies.
4 points to Hughesy for the severed head.
5 points to Emma because...
[LAUGHTER] Her baby teeth in MY head?
Eugh!
[CHEERING, APPLAUSE]
Bleugh!
[CHEERING, APPLAUSE]
It was too much.
Alright, let's put some meat on this bone, OK?
Of course. Here's a task proper.
And this one goes out to all of you
celebrating National Butterscotch Pudding Day today.
Hope you're having a fantastic one.
As I live and breathe.
Hi, Emma. Hi, Tom.
Hi, Dave.
Hi, buddo.
There's a lot going on here.
Very muscular Taskmaster.
I think he'll appreciate hearing that.
Please, choose an envelope.
One of them? Mm.
[SNIFFS]
Anything?
The same? No. It's different.
Well...
OK? Thank you.
[READS] "Today is National ZIP Code Day."
[READS] "Today is National Paul Day."
[READS] "National Collector Car Appreciation Day."
[READS] "International Retainer Day."
[READS] "National Work Without Your Hands Day."
"Celebrate!"
"Best celebrated day wins."
"You have 30 minutes."
"Your time starts now."
What's a retainer? That's something you put in your mouth.
I think that's a retainer.
"Paul Day."
Were you aware of this before?
No.
"National Work Without Your Hands."
What do you mean?!
I don't know what a collector car is.
Collector car is used primarily in shows and historical exhibitions.
Like, ZIP code as in, like...
[BLEEP!]
That's... That's my real ZIP code.
Maybe don't put that on. [BLEEP!]
[LAUGHS] Yeah.
[APPLAUSE]
OK, so, just to be clear, these are actual national days?
Each of the envelopes that they could have opened
talked about specific days,
that on that particular day that they did the task
was actually that day.
For example, today when we're filming this,
it's National Fried Rice Day,
it's National Concussion Awareness Day,
it's National... [FUMBLES] ..Gibberish Day.
[LAUGHTER]
It's quite...quite ironic that I mispronounced
'National Gibberish Day'.
[SCATTERED LAUGHTER]
Yeah, I know. It's giving me the beepie beepies.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
Do you know why I said that then?
'Cause that means it'll be in the show now.
[LAUGHTER]
It is locked into the edit, buddy.
[LAUGHTER]
Alright. Whose celebration will we see first?
First up celebrating National Collector Car Appreciation Day -
it's Tommy little.
Whoa! What a beautiful day to take a collector car for a burn!
[ENGINE STALLS]
Oh, no! You're kidding!
Not on the second Friday in July, everyone's favourite day?!
Let's have a look and see what the problem is!
[GRUNTS]
OK, let's do some manly stuff in here.
Oh, uh...
No.
What the hell is that?
God!
[GROANS] No!
Whoa!
Oh, yeah!
Oh!
OK, that should've fixed the problem.
[CHORTLES]
[ENGINE PURRS]
[CHORTLES] Yeah!
It's time to party!
Cue the awesome fireworks and royalty-free music.
[STREAMERS POP]
[LAUGHTER]
Oh, yeah!
Whoa-ho-ho!
Collector Car Day. Should we go?
Yeah. Let's go.
[LAUGHTER]
Should we go?
Should we go now?
Let's go!
Can we go now?
Let's go!
[LAUGHTER]
Can we?
Can we go now?
[LAUGHTER]
Yeah, yep. Let's go.
[CHEERING, APPLAUSE]
Wow.
[APPLAUSE]
I don't remember seeing that cool sports car
at the Taskmaster retreat.
Where'd you get it from? Bought it myself.
Oh, yeah. Mm.
I don't want to like, you know, ruin the special effects,
but was it pulled by a string?
No. On Collector Car Day they all come alive.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
OK. So, how would you describe that celebration?
How were you celebrating it?
So, what you didn't see in that shot 'cause it was quite limited
is it was a big rally of...
What's it called when a lot of cars get together?
I think it's called 'traffic'.
[LAUGHTER] Yeah! We were in a big traffic.
[APPLAUSE]
OK, well, keep that celebration going
and go get yourself some butterscotch pudding
and go full slop mode on it.
Back after this!
[CHEERING, APPLAUSE]
Hello and welcome back to Taskmaster,
where we are celebrating.
That's right, our contestants are celebrating international days
that took place on the days that they all filmed.
So far we've seen Tommy celebrate
National Collector Car Appreciation Day,
and he didn't even beepie-beepie.
[LAUGHTER]
Oh, shi...
Next up, celebrating National Work Without Your Hands Day
and International Retainer Day,
it's Waka and Dave.
WAKA: Thank you for coming.
Today is a celebration
to say thank you to the hands.
And first we're gonna write a thankyou letter to the hands.
International Retainer Day -
let's celebrate it.
Sometimes your smile is crooked, like me.
Your opportunities are limited.
[LAUGHTER]
Alright, alright. Good, good, good.
Thank you, hands.
[BREATHES HEAVILY]
[CLAPS]
[LAUGHTER]
Tom Gleeson, don't lie to us.
If you've had the work done, you'd tell us.
You had the work... You had it done young.
And that's how that smile happened.
You wore your retainer
because you're a focused guy
who completed degrees.
Everyone have a drink?
Thank you for that, hands.
[LAUGHTER]
[BREATHES SHAKILY]
[LAUGHTER] Ooh.
[CHEERING, APPLAUSE] Yum.
These teeth stood the test of time.
Tom should be smiling.
Your hair is gone, but your smile is not gone.
The cake, cake, cake.
[BREATHES SHAKILY]
[LAUGHTER]
Wear your retainers,
love life
and be a winner.
International Retainer Day.
Thank you.
My case is closed.
[APPLAUSE]
[BREATHES HEAVILY]
[LAUGHTER]
[CHEERING, APPLAUSE]
So, Hughesy, I'm not sure it was a celebration as such.
It just felt like a presentation.
It did feel like a presentation. Yeah.
Well, the best celebration is what I'm looking for.
Yeah. You were, weren't you?
Yeah.
[LAUGHTER]
I'm just saying I may not have found it in yours, Hughesy.
Yeah. I'm becoming really aware of that. Uh...
[LAUGHTER]
Alright. Waka. Yes!
You were doing all kinds of things with your feet.
Yeah, because... It was very impressive.
Yeah. And it was a celebration for working without hands.
Yeah. And also it was great how you decorated your feet.
You drew some pictures on your feet.Yeah.
Yeah. How did you do that?
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
By my feet.
[LAUGHTER] Oh, really?
You used one foot to draw on the other foot?
Yeah. Wow.
You were so much better at that
than all the other tasks you did with your feet.
[LAUGHTER]
Alright. Throw your hands in the air and make us care. Who's next?
Finally, celebrating National ZIP Code Day and National Paul Day,
it's Emma and Lisa.
Does anybody here know a Paul?
Ooh.
Two hands.
Maybe I can speak to their Pauls.
I could bake a cake.
Cakes are celebratory.
Oh, celebration cake. Yeah.
Can youse hear me? Oh!
Hi!
Um... Paul, I'm Lisa.
It's really nice to meet you. I'm just...
Hello, Paul?
[ON PHONE] Hello, Lisa.
How much time do I have?
24 minutes and 27 seconds.
I reckon I can bake in that time,
but I am also delusional.
Do you know why you were called Paul?
I was told because I was gonna be a saint.
They got that wrong.
Oh. [LAUGHS] [LAUGHTER]
I'm gonna need baking pow... Something to make it rise.
What's that? What IS that?
I have no idea.
How would you like to see Pauls celebrated?
What are your thoughts? Start with the music, for one.
I love music.
I think they're cooked.
Brown icing for the...
Chocolate icing.
Oh. Brown?!
It's inarguably brown.
OK. Goodbye.
Thank you. See you. Bye. Have a good day. Bye!
Bye, Paul.
See ya.
I'm not sure how to turn this phone off.
[LAUGHTER] Yeah, I'm having trouble too.
Yeah. Here we go.
Hooray.
[LAUGHS]
Do you know what, Paul?
Seeing you're still there,
do you just want to stay with me while I work this out?
Yeah. Alright.
I'm gonna give you a tune, Paul.
So, something like this.
[SINGS] # Today is Paul Day! #
So, can you sing that back with me, Paul?
# Today is
BOTH: # Paul Day!
# Paul Day! #
BOTH: [SING] # Happy ZIP Code Day
# To [BLEEP!]
# Happy ZIP Code Day to you. #
# Today is Paul Day Paul all day
# Paul Day
# Today is Paul Day
# Paul Day
# Paul Day. #
Alright. See you later.
Happy Paul Day!
Yeah, have a good one.
Brilliant man.
Do you want me to have some? Yeah. I'd love you to.
How is it?
Oh...
It's extremely salty.
Is it?
What's that? What IS THAT?
Oh, my God, it's salt! I put salt!
I'm so sorry!
[CHEERING, APPLAUSE]
Oh.
[APPLAUSE]
Uh... So, Lisa, it seemed like a genuine celebration.
It was. It really was.
I don't think it's a big stretch to say
I reckon you really made Paul's day.
Look, I had... I had a great day with Paul.
I mean, I feel like... Have we got many Pauls here?
Are there many... Show of hands for Pauls?
Oh, there's one Paul.
Oh, well, next year I'll find you. We'll celebrate you.
[LAUGHTER] Yeah.
That was a great celebration.
And also it was good to see Lisa fumbling around with a phone again.
Because we all remember her trying to get through YouTube,
and that was a nightmare.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
OK, so, Emma,
why were you so concerned about giving out your postcode?
I didn't understand that.
[BLEEP!]
Yeah. Um...
[LAUGHTER]
But, I mean, they bleeped it again just then.
That's their decision, and they're trying to censor women, so...
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
OK, uh...
Now, you made a cake. That's a genuine celebration, isn't it?
Yeah. So, you made a cake,
and instead of using sugar you used salt.
Yeah. Well...
Is that a celebration or a prank?
Well, OK, so, I thought because ZIP Code Day is inherently geeky,
what better way to celebrate than make a nerd suffer?
[LAUGHTER]
Yeah, I don't know. That feels like a repair you've made to your task.
Well, I have to give out some scores, don't I?
Yeah.Well, I'm gonna give 1 point to Emma
because I think a cake with salt in it, you know...
I'm no expert, but that could...AUDIENCE: Ohh!
..that really ruins a celebration.
What are you doing?
[LAUGHTER]
Then I'm gonna give 2 points to Hughesy
'cause it was a presentation
but at least it didn't ruin anyone's day by being a terrible salty cake.
[LAUGHTER]
I'm gonna give 3 points to Tommy Little
because it looked cool, it was a bit of a celebration.
4 points to Waka 'cause you did a lot
of, you know, stuff without your hands.
But there's no arguing that...
I think Lisa McCune made Paul's day.
He was really thrilled. One for Pauls.
[CHEERING, APPLAUSE] Pauls all over Australia will be absolutely thrilled.
So, 5 points to Lisa.
Thank you.
So, what about the episode scores? How are they going?
There's a few meaningless scores at the bottom.
But all that matters is Lisa is out in front on 8 points!
Yes!
[CHEERING, APPLAUSE]
Alright. McCartney, Hogan, milk.
We're gonna take a break to celebrate some of my favourite Pauls.
We'll see you after this!
[CHEERING, APPLAUSE]
Hello. Welcome back.
Taskmaster Episode 9.
How are we going, baby cakes?
We're going pretty well, papa strudel.
[LAUGHTER]
We're about to do another task.
This one's a team task, and things are about to get really bouncy.
Well, for 60% of our contestants, at least.
Slop, slop, slop.
Slosh, slosh, slosh. Ohh!
Hi, Lisa. Hi, Dave.
Buddy!
G'day.
[CHUCKLES] Alright!
Ohh!
Hey, Waka. Hey, Emma. Hey, Tommy.
Hi, Tom-Tom.
Hey, Tom. Hi, Tom.
I like your helmets.
Thank you. Thank you.
Alright. Do you want to grab it?
[READS] "Paint a true-life painting
"of three people jumping in a jumping castle."
[READS] "Paint a true-to-life painting
"of two people painting in a field.
"You must be jumping continuously.
"Only one person may touch the canvas at a time."
"Only one person may touch the paintbrush at a time."
"Only one person may touch the paints and palette at a time."
"Most true-to-life painting wins."
"You have 10 minutes."
"Your time starts..."
EMMA: "When your shoes are off.""When your shoes are off."
"When your shoes are off"?!
O-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h!
[APPLAUSE]
Did they not have to do it?
That is funny.
OK, so, Lisa, Dave, do you get why you didn't have shoes on now?
DAVE: Uh... Yeah.
Didn't you trust us in a jumping castle?
[LAUGHTER]
Think we were gonna break a hip, did ya?
[LAUGHTER]
Um... To be honest,
yes, it was a concern.
[LAUGHTER]
OK, Piss-casso, I wanna see some art.
OK, then, with opposite tasks but for the foot situation,
it's Dave, Lisa, Waka, Emma and Tommy.
EMMA: Oh, it is fun, though.
WAKA: Alright. OK. [LAUGHS]
That's cool. I want to do it.
[LAUGHS]
I need green.
[BLEEP!]
Yeah, this is much harder than I thought it would be.
TOMMY: It's so exhausting!
So, I'm thinking of doing a round one, like...
Is there a trick here that we're missing
or is this just a straight up and down?
Oh, my God!
Ah! [LAUGHS]
Other way!
Pull the brush down when I...
Emma.
Keep bouncing, Tommy. We are bouncing!
Keep bouncing, Waka. Come on, keep bouncing.
I'm so out of breath.
Are they people? No, no. They're stars.
I'm decorating the jumping castle.
People are like this. That's the one person.
That is... That's so good.
Yeah. That's good! That's the painting.
All done? We're nearly done!
We're not nearly done. There's no people in it!
OK, that's the canvas.
[LAUGHS]
This one here.
Where are they? What's that? This person's really tall.
Why are they so high? Because they're...
They've double-bounced them. Yeah. They got a double bounce.
WAKA: Tommy, you wanna change?
TOMMY: Are you ready to catch? Yeah.
One. Two.
BOTH: Three.
That was good. Yeah, that's good.
I think that's actually pretty good.
It's REALLY good. They're having the time of their lives.
EMMA: Arm. Arm.
Leg. Leg.
Keep bouncing. I'm trying. It's tiring.
You've done really well.
Oh, my God.
Hang on. What are you doing there?Um... That's the lake.
Why are they on a lake?
I don't know, 'cause you know how you go to a fair,
and sometimes it's on a lake?
TOMMY: It's good! I think it's really good.
WAKA: Not yet.
Who gives a shit about winning?
EMMA: Does it have to be? We're gonna die.
It's realistic. It's wonderful.
And I think it works.
Can you add a bit of green?
Oh, shit.
There's a crow flying over
a little Ferris wheel, yeah?
Yeah. And then I sign.
Yeah, just sign it. Beautiful.
I reckon they look like they're having good time. [WHISTLE BLOWS]
[GRUNTS]
[BLEEP!] Oh.
[CHEERING, APPLAUSE]
So, to the B team or better team,
uh...how tired were you after that task?
Wrecked. Oh, it was...
..crazy. We were exhausted.
Now can you see why we didn't put the aged team in there?
DAVE: Hey. Hey, we would've... I genuine...
We wouldn't have been complaining. We would've been here celebrating a great day on a jumping castle.
[LAUGHTER]
Hughesy, you'd be dead. I wouldn't be...
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
This woman won Dancing With The Stars against some of those...
That's an entirely different show!
[LAUGHTER] Well, Hughesy,
to be fair,
when I said the 'aged team', we were worried about the two of you,
it was actually you.
[LAUGHTER]
Unfortunately, uh...
..Lisa just got hoovered up.
[LAUGHTER]
So, Emma, is it true you have a Fine Arts degree?
That's true. Yes. Yeah. Does it help in...
I don't think it's fine. I think it's great.
[LAUGHTER]
Can we cut that?
[LAUGHTER]
Gave me the beepie beepies.
[LAUGHTER]
OK, so, I have to decide on points for the two paintings.
Yes, it's most true-to-life wins.
OK, let's have a look at the two paintings.
OK.
[LAUGHTER]
It would appear that being stationary
was an advantage.
[LAUGHTER]
I think Dave and Lisa's painting's
slightly better.
Not heaps better, 'cause I like the other one.
I mean, it has to be the most lifelike.
So, I'm gonna give
5, 5, and 3, 3, 3.
OK. Oh, that's great, Dave.
[APPLAUSE]
We did it. We did it.
We have been focusing, I guess, on the true-to-life bit of the task.
Could I just read one other bit here?
It says, "Only one person may touch the paintbrush at a time.
"Only one person may touch the paints and the palette at a time."
[LAUGHTER]
I think there's something you might want to see.
So, now we can decorate the rest of the place.
Yeah, but make it lifelike. OK, here we go.
[BUZZER]
You've done really well.
Oh, my God.
[BUZZER] Bit of...
Get your fingers ready 'cause you're up next.
What am I doing? Last minute.
[BUZZER]
I need to do a bird. OK, go.
You know, like an ice-cream truck kind of thing.
Yeah. A big Ferris wheel... [BUZZER]
..kind of, like, at the back.
Then I'm just... Oh, I'm not allowed to touch that.
Can you... Can you...
[APPLAUSE]
So, I take it back.
[LAUGHTER]
That's instant disqualification.
So, it's actually 0, 0, 3, 3, 3.
OK. DAVE: Hang on, but you...
[APPLAUSE] What? Don't...
Just cop it.
[LAUGHS] [APPLAUSE]
But you cannot take the points back.
Once the points are delivered, the points have to stay.
You know, though, Dave, we're always gonna have that moment together.
Just take that and we'll just leave it.
No, we want the points as well!
OK.
Hey, Hughes, I know how you usually bite your lip on things like this,
but I reckon it's your time to go for it.
[LAUGHTER]
You gave us the points, mate.
People have walked out of the lounge room.
They're gonna come back confused.
[LAUGHTER]
If they walked out of the lounge room,
it was only 'cause you were on screen, Hughesy.
[LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE]
Don't clap that. Come on.
Come on.
So, yeah, with the disqualification, it's 0, 0, 3, 3, 3.
OK.
[CHEERING, APPLAUSE]
OK, watching all that castle-jumping
has puffed Hughesy out to the point of needing a water break.
So, we'll be back after this!
[CHEERING, APPLAUSE]
Hello! Welcome back to Taskmaster.
Sometimes I say funny things when we return from the break.
This is not one of those times.
[LAUGHTER] What's going on, Cashman?
Uniform. Papa. November. Echo. X-ray. Tango.
We have a new task.
[CLEARS THROAT]
I like it when there's no-one.
Is Tom there?
Oh, it's a long task.
[READS] "Summon Tom to the caravan with the walkie talkie."
[READS] "You may not leave the caravan."
[READS] "Tom will move five steps for any correct word
"in the direction that the correct word corresponds to."
"Once a correct word has been used, it cannot be used again."
[READS] "The first word stated in each transmission counts."
"You must complete each transmission with the phrase 'over.'"
"It is also polite to respond to any received transmission with 'Roger.'"
"Fastest to get Tom to the caravan wins."
[READS] "Your time starts now."
Caravan. Over.
TOM CASHMAN: [ON WALKIE TALKIE] Roger. Take no steps.
[APPLAUSE]
OK, so, it's pretty simple. They can't leave the caravan.
And, using walkie talkies,
they have to get you back to the caravan.
That's it. First up for us to have a gawky with a walkie talkie,
it's Emma Holland.
Tom, is that you standing outside by yourself against a tree? Over.
TOM CASHMAN: [ON WALKIE TALKIE] Roger, take no steps.
Is that him? I can't tell if that's him.
Tom, move north, south, east or west. Over.
Roger. Take no steps.
This is gonna be a nightmare.
I've got to be missing something, right?
Was this always here?
Esky. Over.
Roger. Take five steps.
Esky. Emma. Over.
Roger. Take five steps.
Oh, is E...east?
Spider. Over.
Roger. Take five steps.
Alright. I'm getting this now.
W for 'west'.
Windscreen. Over.
Roger. Take five steps.
I get it! [LAUGHS]
Suddenly. Over.
Stingray. Over.
Superlative.
Show-stopping.
Roger. Take five steps.
That's not Tom.
[LAUGHTER] Who are you?
Buongiorno! My name's Roger.
Oh, [BLEEP!]
I hate you.
What if I just get Roger to come here?
Southport. Over.
Take five steps.
Egg. Take five steps.
What do you know?
Can you call Tom?
You can't do anything, can you?
Have you ever experienced a great loss in your life?
[LAUGHTER]
Is Roger allowed to talk to me?
Roger is not permitted to talk to you other than to introduce himself.
Buongiorno. Buongiorno.
OK, Roger, I'm gonna send you in that direction and see what happens.
Nosebleed. Over.
Roger, take five steps.
Noose. Take five steps.
Mm... Uh...
Oh, my God!
[LAUGHS]
[LAUGHTER]
Um... Nepotism. Over.
Roger, take five steps.
New.
Neigh, like the horse.
Nab. Never.
Wave.
Hi, Emma.
Can you, like, angle your... No.
I only work on a grid system.
Wake. Over.
Nirvana. Over.
Edging. Over.
[LAUGHTER]
[BLOWS WHISTLE]
Can I go now? Am I allowed out?
Thanks, Emma. Bye.
[CHEERING, APPLAUSE]
I must say, I knew it wasn't Lesser Tom straightaway
'cause he wasn't annoying.
[LAUGHTER]
We've met Roger before, haven't we?
Yeah. He was in the pizza task in Season 1.
His name is Oliver, and he brought us chocolates.
[LAUGHTER]
OK, so, Emma, I liked your small talk with the Roger.
I tried... You made small talk with him
by saying, "Have you experienced great loss in your life?"
[LAUGHTER] It's a difficult question
to ask someone who's only allowed to say 'buongiorno'.
[LAUGHTER]
I just thought it'd be a nice way to connect.
When did it dawn on you how to play?
The code? Pretty quickly.
But then I spent quite a while with Roger interrogating him.
The code was pretty obvious, wasn't it?
[LAUGHTER]
OK, so, they were looking out the window
and they were looking at Roger.
But where were you? I was real close.
Would you like to see a photo of where I was?
Yeah.
This is where Roger was on the retreat.
That's the contestant's position in the caravan.
That's where I was.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
I was only 17 metres away.
Ohh!
Alright, so, how'd Emma do?
Emma took 31 minutes and 44 seconds to get me to the caravan.
Felt longer.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
OK, who's finding you next?
Like James Bond, it's time for Roger Moore
with Lisa, David and Waka.
OK.
Anything here? No. Nothing there.
Damn it. It's gonna be a tough one.
Tom, please, come to the caravan. Over.
Roger. Take no steps.
[CHUCKLES]
Run. Over.
Take no steps.
Please, walk backwards.
Take no steps.
This should be something simple.
South. Over.
Take five steps.
Sunshine.
Take five steps.
Shark.
Take five steps.
WAKA: So, something from S.
Kookaburra. Come hither.
Barbecue. Please?
Roger. Take no steps.
West's front is W.
Wind. Take five steps.
I got it.
[LAUGHS] Yes. Yes.
South-west. Over.
Take five steps.
Opposite of north.
Take no steps. Oh.
DAVE: Hang on, I don't think I'm looking at Tom.
Over.
Roger. Take no steps.
It sounds like you've met Roger!
[LAUGHS]
That's not Tom. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, that's...
[LAUGHS]
Where the [BLEEP!] are YOU?
Over.
Roger, take five steps.
Were those steps towards you? Over.
Sorry, I'm a bit busy at the moment.[LAUGHTER]
Look at me. Over.
Roger, take no steps.
Oh.
I want to talk to him first.
Easter. Over.
[LAUGHS] That's scary. Who is that?
I'll give you 20 bucks if you cheat. Over.
Take no steps.
Tip toe. Sorry.
Dance. Banana.
Situation. Lunch.
Sydney. Moonwalk.
[YELLS] Where's Tom?!
[LAUGHTER]
Shopping trolley. Over.
Roger, take five steps.
[LAUGHTER]
Notebook.
Take five steps.
Oh, my God, I'm so embarrassed.
Have you figured out a pattern?
Yeah, I have, mate. It's taken me a while, I get it,
but, you know, we're here now.
Envelope. Take five steps.
Roger's in.
You're so not leaving, Roger.
Take a seat.
Where are you? Over.
Take five steps.
WAKA: [LAUGHS] OK.
Roger! I don't need Roger to leave!
If I attempt to do something harmful to you, he may have to come.
What's going on?
We're just chewing the fat. Over.
Roger, take five step.
[LAUGHS]
Needless.
Take five steps.
Noose. Take five steps.
Wonder.
Take five steps.
Is someone there?
I can't do this to you, Roger.
I've just got to nut this out somehow.
[LAUGHS]
Notorious. Over.
Take five steps.
[YELLS] Tommy!
Tommy!
[LAUGHS]
Alright.
Neutral.
Roger, take five steps.
LISA: Nautilus. DAVE: Erskineville.
WAKA: Nature.
[BLOWS WHISTLE]
Oh, my God.
Oh, my gosh.
Say sorry to Roger.
YOU can say it.
No. I don't want to see his face again anymore.
OK.
You sent me all the way off the property.
I was on the road.
You know where I went, man?
I went to hell.
[LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE]
[CHEERING, APPLAUSE]
Now, that looked like a very long time to be stuck in a caravan.
I just first feel like I have to ask all of you, are you OK?
[LAUGHTER] No.
No? It hurt? LISA: That broke me.
I went home that night
and I went back over old Taskmaster episodes
to try and find other people who'd experienced things similar.
[LAUGHTER] I was broken.
It's the equivalent of going to, like, a trauma support group.
[LAUGHTER]
Well, Hughesy, you said in your head you went to hell.
It was the worst day of my life.
[LAUGHTER]
No, that was awful.
That was... That was... I'm ringing Amnesty. That was bad.
Seriously, you can't do that to people.
Can I read out some things that Dave said?
Yeah.
"Please. I have a family."
[LAUGHTER]
"It's like this task has been directed
"by that Shyamalan bloke from The Sixth Sense."
[LAUGHTER]
And this is my favourite -
"I have missed something here, I think,
"and it's caused me to be in a less-than-relaxed situation."
[LAUGHTER]
I feel like we need some scores.
Well, after Lisa took Roger hostage,
she took 53 minutes and 48 seconds to get me to the caravan.
Waka's focus on Roger took him 56 minutes and 15 seconds
to get me to the caravan.
But for Dave's, I climbed over three fences, crawled through four cars,
was out on a public road for more than 20 minutes,
and it took a total of one hour and 16 minutes and 24 seconds.
[CHEERING, APPLAUSE]
OK.
[APPLAUSE]
We've got one more left,
and he's been very quiet throughout,
which makes me feel all warm and fuzzy in my tummy.
Back after the ads!
[CHEERING, APPLAUSE]
Hello. Welcome back to Taskmaster.
What's going on, Cashman?
Our contestants are trying to get me to the caravan.
The problem is there's a guy that looks like me called Roger
standing in their view.
There's also a code to move me and Roger at the same time.
It's an easy code. We get it. [LAUGHTER]
Last up, it's Tommy Little.
[LAUGHTER]
Hey, Tom!
That's not Tom.
I don't think I'm meant to talk to you yet.
Roger.
Tom, where are you? Over.
Roger, take no steps.
Why don't you just tell me how to make Roger move? Over.
Roger, take five steps.
Forward. Over.
Take no steps.
Oh, hey, Tom!
Hi, Tommy.
Have you got any clues?
None I can reveal.
Mm!
White shirt. Over.
Roger, take five steps.
[LAUGHS]
Wow!
Can you please take more steps? Over.
Take no steps.
Range Rover. Kiwi fruit.
Fight. Apple.
Over.
Take no steps. Damn it!
Help!
You can figure it out.
I can't, bro. It's a brain game. I'm not good at brain games.
I believe in you.
[YELLS] Give me a hint!
Roger, take no steps.
Who's Roger? Over.
Roger, take five steps.
Argh!
This game sucks, bro! Over.
Take no steps.
Tom, oi, bro,
this actually hasn't got anything to do with the game,
I just REALLY need to chat to you,
so, can you come to the caravan? Over.
Roger, take no steps.
Tom, this is where I'm gonna die, isn't it?
Roger, take no steps.
I can't even see you anymore, bro.
Both Roger and I have reached the bounds of the retreat.
He is committed.
The poor bloke's in the fence.
Take no steps.
[BLEEP!] you, Tom. Over.
Roger, take no steps.
Nuh, nuh, that wasn't for Roger, bro. That was just for you.
Go [BLEEP!] yourself forever. Please. Over.
Take five steps.
[YELLS] No!
Stop [BLEEP!] moving, Roger!
Trees. Xylophone.
Helium balloons. Over.
Take no steps.
Terrible Tuesdays. Grapes.
Can we start again? Over.
[LAUGHTER]
Radical radishes. Over.
Roger, take no steps.
[YELLS] Goddammit!
Eat an apple.
Over.
Roger, take five steps.
Tom, this is where I'm gonna die, isn't it?
Take no steps.
I'm not good at brain games. I believe in you.
Eat an apple.
Take five steps.
Who's Roger? Take five...
That's not Tom. No steps.
Five steps.
[OVERLAPPING VOICES]
Oh, my gosh!
Eager beavers. Over.
Roger, take five steps.
Earth is flat. Over.
Roger, take five steps.
Oh, my God!
No-one's gonna work that out!
Even a genius wouldn't work that out. Over.
Roger, take five steps.
Neither of you are invited to the Christmas party. Over.
Nickelback is Tom's favourite band. Over.
I've never been happier and angrier to see you.
Earrings are beautiful.
Take five steps.
Come to Papa. Big ones! Big ones!
[BLOWS WHISTLE] Yes!
Good time!
You did it. That was awesome.
Thank you, Roger.
[CHEERING, APPLAUSE]
Um...
[LAUGHTER]
No need to check the scores. Let's just say it was quick.
[LAUGHTER]
Talk us through your... your emotions.
It was a pretty dark place, Tom.
And, so, you've got your pilot's licence...
Yeah...and to get your pilot's licence,
you had to learn about navigation, right?
No, we don't do that in riddles.
[LAUGHTER]
Might shock you.
Good to know. OK. We're all desperate to know the score.
Well, Tommy saw me after seven minutes...
Ohh! ..and 11 seconds,
but it still took him 51 minutes and 20 seconds to get me to the caravan,
which is the second fastest.
[YELLS] Is it?! [ALL EXCLAIM]
Is it?!
[CHEERING, APPLAUSE]
LISA: Well done, Tommy.
[APPLAUSE]
We did it!
We're so smart!
Suck on that, Hughes!
[LAUGHTER] Oh! How?!
So, that means Dave gets 1 point, Waka gets 2, 3 to Lisa,
Tommy gets 4,
and Emma wins the task with 5 points!
[CHEERING, APPLAUSE]
We did it! We did it, baby.
OK, use those newfound senses of direction
and navigate your way up onto the stage for the final task of the show!
[CHEERING, APPLAUSE]
Dude, who's reading the task?
Emma will read this one.
Ohh...
[READS] "Sing an original love song to the Taskmaster
"over your 30-second melody.
"A bonus point will be given for the best lyrics."
[LAUGHTER]
I've got some great news for you, Emma, as well.
You're up first.
AUDIENCE: Ohh!
Good luck.
[APPLAUSE]
Take it away, Emma! Waka! Tommy! Lisa! Dave!
[SINGS] # Tom Gleeson
# Your head is nice and shiny
# I could not love you more
# If my heart was so tiny... #
[SINGS] # Taskmaster
# Tom Gleeson
# You're beautiful, smart
# Good-looking
# Everyone likes you... #
[SINGS] # My name's Tommy
# And your name is Tom
# Together we could be the mother-[BLEEP!] bomb
# I want to get to know you
# In between the sheets
# And everything you do, yeah I find it really neat... #
[SINGS] # I'm dreaming
# Of you
# With those eyes
# Oh, so blue... #
[SINGS] # T-o-o-o-o-o-o-m
# Glees-o-o-o-on
# Tommy Gleeson
# I just want to look at you
# And be mesmerised by your smile! #
[LAUGHTER]
[CHEERING, APPLAUSE]
AUDIENCE: Ohh!
What? Oh, my God!
DAVE: No!
What?
[LAUGHTER]
[READS] "Lip sync to your original love song."
[LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE]
"Best lip-syncing wins."
Emma, please, step up.
[CHEERING, APPLAUSE]
Emma, take it away.
[SOMBRE PIANO MUSIC PLAYS]
LISA: Oh!
[LAUGHTER]
# Tom Gleeson
# Your head is nice and shiny
# I could not love you more
# If my heart was so tiny
# I wish you weren't married
# And I wish I wasn't either
# But that's the deal. #
[LAUGHTER]
[CHEERING, APPLAUSE]
Next up - Waka. Please, step up to the plate.
[CHEERING, APPLAUSE]
Take it away.
[GENTLE PIANO MUSIC PLAYS]
LISA: God.
# Taskmaster
# Tom Gleeson
# You're beautiful, smart
# Good-looking
# Everyone likes you!
# And you are the only one
# Who makes everyone laugh, smile
# And happy! #
[CHEERING, APPLAUSE]
Tommy, please, step up to the microphone.
[CHEERING, APPLAUSE] Tommy, take it away.
[LIVELY POP MUSIC PLAYS]
# My name's Tommy
# And your name is Tom
# Together we could be the mother-[BLEEP!] bomb
# I want to get to know you in between the sheets
# And everything you do, yeah I find it really neat
# You're my Taskmaster, baby
# You drive me so very crazy
# You're my Taskmaster, baby! #
[CHEERING, APPLAUSE]
OK, two more lip-syncers to go.
Why don't you go and wet your lips with a nice beverage?
We'll see you after this.
[CHEERING, APPLAUSE]
Hello and welcome back to Taskmaster.
This is the last part of the show
where I'm being serenaded by lip-syncers.
That's right, our contestants are lip-syncing
to their own song that they wrote and recorded five minutes ago.
Next up - Lisa. Please, step up to the microphone.
[CHEERING, APPLAUSE]
Lisa, take it away.
[MOODY MUSIC PLAYS]
[LAUGHTER]
# I'm dreaming
# Of you
# With those eyes
# Oh, so blue
# You make
# Me feel so
# Fuzzy-wuzzy. #
[CHEERING, APPLAUSE]
Incredible.
Dave, please, step up to the microphone.
[CHEERING, APPLAUSE]
Take it away!
[ATMOSPHERIC MUSIC PLAYS]
# T-o-o-o-o-o-o-m
# Glees-o-o-o-n
# Tommy Gleeson
# When you get yelling
# I get butterflies in my belly
# I just want to look at you
# And be mesmerised by your smile! #
[CHEERING, APPLAUSE]
Wow.
[CHEERING, APPLAUSE]
Alright, all you crooners, come down here so we can score the thing.
[CHEERING, APPLAUSE]
OK.
Uh... So, I have to hand out some scores.
Yes, please. Alright.
It's just the best lip-syncing, doesn't matter what the song is?
That's right.
1 point to Waka 'cause his lips kind of didn't move.
[LAUGHTER]
I'm gonna give 2 points to Hughesy.
His lips were moving very much out of sync with the lyrics.
Plus it was just horrific to have to be dragged through that again.
3 points to Tommy Little.
Again, great lip-syncing and a great performance.
4 points to Emma Holland.
Almost couldn't tell that you were lip-syncing.
But 5 points to Lisa McCune 'cause it was...
Oh, thank you. ..it was perfect.
[CHEERING, APPLAUSE]
You've also got to give a bonus point for the best lyrics.
Oh, easy. Lisa. OK.
[LAUGHTER]
Buy in with 6 points. [APPLAUSE]
So, what does that do to the series scores?
Well, as usual, we've got Dave Hughes at the back on 112 points,
but Emma is still in the lead with 157 points!
[CHEERING, APPLAUSE]
And then for this episode
Dave is on 9 points, we've got Waka on 11,
Tommy on 15, Lisa on 17,
but, just pipping her by 1 point,
Emma Holland's won another episode with 18 points!
[CHEERING, APPLAUSE]
Alright, Emma, get out of our sight
and take your heebie-jeebie-giving things with ya.
[CHEERING, APPLAUSE]
But what have WE learnt?
We learnt once again that Hughesy has zero musical talent.
[LAUGHTER]
And we learnt that Tom Cashman
wants the words 'beepie beepies'
on his gravestone.
[LAUGHTER]
Give one more cheer to Emma for cleaning up with another one!
Thanks for watching. See you next time!
[CHEERING, APPLAUSE]
[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]
[CHEERING, APPLAUSE]
Welcome to the season finale of Taskmaster.
Ohh! Argh!
Agh!
You are a loser!
I kind of like it. Thanks for saying that.
I'll be honest, it [BLEEP!] threw me.
[GAGS]
We need another 10 episodes. We're just warming up, baby.
[LAUGHTER]
Captions by Red Bee Media