This programme contains strong language and adult humour.
SHE COUGHS
Hyah!
Ah!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Hello! Hello!
And welcome, everybody,
to a tantalising Taskmaster treat.
I'm Greg Davies and I've decreed that comedians take a New Year's
break from humiliation and I have sent my minions out to scoop up
five players from entirely different worlds.
Some would say they are fools to have said "yes",
but their credibility
and their area of expertise will be destroyed by appearing on this show.
I am one of the people who would say that.
I agree with that statement.
At the end of tonight, one of them will console themselves with
a majestic prize, my Golden Eyebrows of Desire...
..cocked as they are with suggestive potent energy.
Mm-mm!
LAUGHTER
So, here we go.
Let's meet our eclectic five, battling for my brow.
Please welcome, Adrian Chiles!
Claudia Winkleman!
Not Jonnie Peacock!
Lady Leshurr!
And Sayeeda Warsi!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
And, next to me, a man who whispered his New Year's resolution to me
after a few drinks this Christmas,
whether he'll succeed in bringing back the patriarchy,
only time will tell.
It's...
..little Alex Horne!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Hello there. Ooh, it's nice to be here. Is it?
Yes, it is, except it's a shame because Jonnie Peacock isn't here.
Yeah. Because he's poorly,
but he has sent his representative who's obviously Alan Davies.
Of course! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
What's our prize category for this special do?
Well, you're a mouthful and so is the category, cos they've been asked
to bring in the most beguiling, unwieldy, shiny thing.
Yes, there'll be five points for the person that has brought in
the most beguiling, unwieldy, shiny thing and, at the end of the show,
the winner will get to take home all of them,
along with your beguiling, unwieldy, shiny eyebrows, Greg.
Right...
Adrian Chiles, have you covered all three categories with your prize?
I believe I have. I've brought in an urn. Oh...
A tea urn. Here it is.
Adrian Chiles' tea urn.
In certain contexts, you're gonna be able to sell "unwieldy" to me,
you might struggle with "beguiling".
I won't.
As I get older, I've found increasing joy, in fact, my only joy
amidst the chaos of my life, is little things I can impose order on.
So, I got heavily into ironing, only tea towels, nothing complicated...
But de-scaling...
..is my first love.
GREG AND ALEX: Ooh...
This is my 11th or 12th one that I've done now, I've lost count,
but... Don't wind me up, Adrian. Have you really done more than one?
I have, yeah. LAUGHTER
You can only get so much joy from a shower head.
LAUGHTER Or an ordinary kettle.
We can see the effect he's had on this urn, this is after... Ooh!
Shut up! Shut up?
APPLAUSE That's majestic.
It's a very strong opener. Claudia.
I have brought a tiered, large-scale fountain.
There we go. Oh! Oh, wow! Oh.
And that is a massive duck, just for scale. That is over six foot tall.
The duck? Not the duck, the fountain, the fountain is six-foot.
I'm beguiled.
Ooh! What is that? It's shiny! And what is it? It's also unwielding.
Yeah. "What are you bringing round for Sunday lunch?"
"A massive fountain." I think it ticks all the boxes.
It comes to something when I'm more drawn to a scalier...
Yeah, I can't argue with that.
Does it get scaled up? It does get scaled up. Oh, you're... Yes.
Yes, it will! I've never done one of them and I'm interested!
Alan Davies. Well, Jonnie's object is really something...
GREG SNIGGERS
It's a copper petal
that was part of the cauldron for the Olympic flame
at the 2012 Olympics in London.
AUDIENCE: Ooh! Yes, he has. And here it is!
APPLAUSE
Each petal took eight hours to produce, they were hand beaten.
Yeah! Most of the 204 are in museums around the world, Jonnie was
the only one to get given one in this country and he's put it up...
..for this show.
It is actually quite a cool prize, isn't it? It is! Yes.
Mm-hm... I'm beguiled all of a sudden.
Leshurr?
What I've chose to bring today, guys, is something that's so shiny,
so magical, you can't buy this anywhere,
you have to be given this, and usually,
it's at an awards show,
and you only get that one chance to do your speech,
and I kind of messed up mine whilst I received this,
so I would just like to redo that today.
Um...
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
I just want to thank my mum, God and everyone that supports me,
my people on the dock,
and, you know, just people that love me. Thank you.
And congratulations... APPLAUSE
..for winning a MOBO Award. Thank you!
We've never had a MOBO before, that IS good.
Sayeeda, can you beat a MOBO award?
So, what I have brought in is part of my therapy...
LAUGHTER I grew up in a really small home
and my parents were first-generation migrants and they hadn't quite dealt
with the issue of integration, so we never got Christmas
and I felt that... AUDIENCE AND ALEX: Awwww!
..Santa Claus never came to our house... Aw!
..because we didn't do Christmas and we didn't have a chimney
for him to come down,
so what I wanted to do was to make my Christmas dreams come true,
so I have brought the shiniest, most unwielding,
beguiling Christmas tree.
Yes, here is the Vesuvius fibre-optic fir Christmas tree.
CHEERING
Now, that is, I think, about seven foot high. Mm-hm.
And it is beguiling because it introduces me
to a world that I never had when I was a young child.
CLAUDIA AND ALEX: Ohhhh...
It's a powerful narrative.
Shame about this tat.
It's unwieldy, I'll give you that. And it's also beguiling!
It's not beguiling...
My therapist said that if I think it's beguiling,
it's beguiling and you really cannot cancel my therapy!
I think it's really inappropriate for you to stop the healing process!
Yeah, you shouldn't cancel the therapy.
It's a strong argument, one that I'm gonna absolutely ruin
by putting, in number one place, the MOBO Award.
Ah! So, five points... Oh, my God! Thank you.
Five points to Lady Leshurr, OK.
APPLAUSE
In second place, I'm going to put Jonnie's petal.
So four points to Jonnie Peacock/Alan Davies.
Right... And, just to show you that sometimes,
if you've got a silver tongue,
but a skanky urn...
..you can get points in this show.
Three points to Adrian Chiles.
For the silver tongue, skanky urn man.
Right. And, just because she told me a beautiful story,
I'll give Sayeeda two points for her shit tree.
Congratulations, Sayeeda Warsi.
And I'm sorry, Claudia, you get one point! That's it!
One point to Claudia Winkleman, Lady Leshurr takes the five points.
APPLAUSE
Right, come on then, you, let's get this special under way.
Yes, and we begin with something a little daring, darling.
Rargh!
That's right, ready for action.
Hi, Adrian. Hello.
This is where I live.
I actually collect old cookery books.
And I found this one in there. Can I have that, please?
It's all yours, Adrian. Thank you.
Ooh, "Basic recipe 28, plain pudding mixture."
That's what you like, no dicking around.
Is this my object? Yes.
Why is there an egg there? Ah, now that's probably an accident.
Let's see what we've got in store.
"Put the egg in the egg cup
"in the most daring way."
"If the egg breaks, you are disqualified."
"You have 30 minutes."
"Your time starts now."
Hello? Is he cooked?
I'm gonna go into the kitchen, I'm gonna boil it first.
Quick skip around. This is daring.
Cos I don't know if I'm going to fall into the puddle.
APPLAUSE
Adrian, when you came out of that caravan, my instinct was to say,
"I've got some spare sausages if you fancy a sandwich."
Because you looked at home.
Just with a toilet bag under our arms.
"Morning", off to the loo block together, that kind of thing.
This is probably not the place for it,
I would like to go camping with you, though.
Put that on record. Shall we start? Yeah, let's.
To kick off proceedings, here is Lady Leshurr.
Do you know what I think would be the most daring way?
If I had some salmon that I could wrap it like a cute little fluffy
blanket and then I spin, like a Beyblade, spin it into the egg cup.
OK. So, you want me to go to the shop and buy you some salmon?
That would be... Could you?
One packet of smoked salmon? Make sure it's oak, oak smoked.
Something in the oak is the reason why the egg's gonna...
..get into the egg cup.
That's the most daring salmon, is it? This is what I mean!
All right. Thank you so much!
Whoa-ho-ho!
SHE VOCALISES My salmon...
One moment, I just have to include my special ingredient...
You can't have salmon without lemon juice
and I think this really adds to the rolling of the egg.
And just to make sure that it's the right type of salmon...
So, I'm gonna sculpt its little blanket right now...
Oh, look at this!
Got to get the trail of lemon juice coming across
because we need that extra... extra spin.
Right.
Three, two, one...
Beyblade!
APPLAUSE
Would you look at that!
And that is how you do this task.
Shall I read out what I wrote down during that?
I've put, "I put it to you, that you fancied a salmon meal
"and you've used this TV show to get that salmon meal."
Everywhere I go, I ask for salmon, so...
She had had salmon two hours before that for breakfast.
It's true, true facts! Have you ever had salmon before?
ALEX LAUGHS
No, nothing that exotic.
Please, we have to go out, restaurant, me, you, opposite,
these kind of chairs... Aw, I'm sorry, I can't...
..nice music... ..I'm going camping with Adrian.
Come on, then. Well, next, we're gonna see that rare thing,
we're gonna see a Peacock's egg. Here we go.
FLAME CRACKLES
DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS
On your marks...
Get set...
AIR WHOOSHES
Oh...
AUDIENCE OOHS AND AHHS
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
That's a full egg.
Ah...
Lovely. Thank you, Jonnie.
APPLAUSE
I mean, there's no denying the drama.
The flame was a masterstroke, wasn't it?
The flame was a lovely touch. The flame was exciting, I thought
it was slightly let down by ye olde wooden frame racket.
A modern graphite racket, a bit more spring, and he could have...
That would've come down nicely.
I could have had 1,000 guesses as to what angle Alan was
gonna go with... Old racket.
The modernity of the tennis racket? That's the one.
It was impressive, but did the egg get in the egg cup?
I guess some of the egg didn't,
and the main rule was the egg couldn't break.
If the egg broke, you were disqualified, so...
It is sad. AUDIENCE AWWS
Sorry, Alan. I'm shocked.
What this man's done for our country and that's...
Right, and now for another treat - adverts.
Lots of lovely back-to-school things for sale.
Fun's over, kids, Christmas is gone. Unlucky!
APPLAUSE
Hello and welcome back to our New Year's Treat.
Oh, shut up! The current task...
Woo! ..involves trying to get an egg into an egg cup in the most
daring way, but a broken egg means disqualification.
Next up, it's my favourite seaside superhero,
Winkle Man!
COW SNORTS
OK, Alex, what do you think about this?
I'm gonna put my egg cup there.
Oh, that's quite high up.
That's quite daring. It's quite daring.
SHE SQUEALS NERVOUSLY I'm too scared!
THUD
Yes!
Deal with that!
COW SNORTS
APPLAUSE
It is daring...
I was ever so excited when I heard you were coming on the show...
Oh, no! Don't!
I thought, "Great, glamour, style, flamboyance..."
The reality is, though... Stop!
..an overexcited woman throwing an egg over a cow.
By the way...
Let's unravel this. Let's!
I did that in under three minutes.
We sat down, we had some Pot Noodles. Yeah.
Didn't dilly-dally, bit of eyeliner, chuck, in the egg cup, night-night.
You were lazy, profoundly lazy!
Thank you.
When you missed the egg cup, I thought you were gonna throw it
into the egg cup... No. ..it sailed over the egg cup into the grass...
Yeah. ..and then you went, "Ye-e-eah!"
But it didn't smash!
No, they famously don't smash... They don't smash.
..when they land on grass. Fill the egg cup with grass, see?
Ooh...! Ooh, see?
If you'd thought about it for four minutes, you might have got there!
APPLAUSE
You've had a nightmare, Claudia. Who's next?
Now, it's Baroness Sayeeda Warsi. Here we go.
Here it comes.
Come on.
Come on!
Yes!
HOOVER WHOOSHES
Woohoo!
And that is how it's done!
APPLAUSE
Can I have a hand? The dramatic's over. Mm-hm...
We'll tiptoe out...
Was the mask daring?
Because I put it to you, you could see through the mask.
Yeah, I could.
Vision was slightly hampered by it. It was.
So do factor that in. I'll factor that in. Do factor that in.
And I'll factor that if you'd used the roller skates,
that would have been daring too.
But I do think the egg vacuum did seem quite daring.
We didn't know if it was gonna work
and we had to get the egg in with him facing up, not facing down.
Once it's got a personality, it had to go in the right way up.
Jesus Christ, the woman's mad.
Let's crack on.
OK, well, one left to see, finally, it's the Croatian speaking
keen amateur actor, according to Wikipedia, Adrian Chiles.
OPERATIC MUSIC PLAYS
Five metres? Exactly.
Then what I actually had in mind...
..was doing it on the grass.
Mindful of the word "daring" in the task.
I'm just gonna kneel on concrete.
When did you last crawl?
I had to crawl under a fence earlier this year.
Good luck, Adrian.
Off you go.
HE GRUNTS
HE STRAINS
APPLAUSE
It's in!
Amazing!
Wow...
Wow.
First things first, why, earlier this year,
did you have to crawl under a fence?
Because I couldn't get over it.
APPLAUSE
If you can't go over it, you've got to go under it.
The gentleman makes an interesting philosophical point.
I mean, I've got to tell you, it was agony on those... Yeah.
No, but I could've actually scuttled along, not on my knees... Yes.
Um...
But in the spirit of the daring-ness and the jeopardy,
I really tormented my knees.
I cannot wait to go camping with you.
Well, you've seen them all now, Greg. Well, Jonnie's disqualified,
so... Aw. ..that's that dealt with.
So, zero points to Jonnie. Nil points. OK.
Two points is a rich reward for tossing an egg over a cow.
Two to Claudia.
Yes, and then, I want the money for that salmon,
but I'll give her three points for the sheer nerve of it.
Oh, God, I'm so sorry, Baroness, I think...
I think Adrian's got it. I think he's taken it!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
OK. So, four to Sayeeda. Four to Sayeeda.
Five points to Adrian Chiles! Five to Adrian Chiles.
Shall we see the scoreboard? It's exciting. There are joint leaders
at this stage... GREG GASPS
..Leshurr and Adrian both have eight points!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Right, let's have another task, little boy.
OK, well, goodness me, this one got them all in a pickle.
Ooh!
Oh, my gosh, shots!
This looks like a great night.
I'm bad drunk. Ah...
I had to have a nap at my own wedding.
It doesn't work well for me.
HE SIGHS Ooh, OK, wait a minute...
"Drink all the vinegar."
"Fastest wins." "Your time starts now and stops when you shout..."
"'I've drunk all the vinegar.'"
Well, this can't all be vinegar.
Wait, what is actually gonna happen to me
if I drink all this vinegar? Is it gonna affect...
..anything in my body?
APPLAUSE
Why did you have to have a nap at your wedding?
Oh, because I had a glass of wine.
I just wanted to point it out, cos I go in, I think
it's shot glasses, you and I had had a Wotsit...
Yes, one. Plus Twiglet... Yeah.
So, the Wotsit is so separate from the Pot Noodle?
We had a really nice day. And now...
Sounds like you had the time of your life off-camera.
We did! Right... Ready to see them? Who are we gonna see first?
It's Claudia, Lady Leshurr and Sayeeda. Here we go.
Go!
Are you OK? That's not vinegar. Right, OK.
I have to try all of these?
Well, maybe. What do they taste like? Stop speaking.
How is your sense of smell?
Very good.
Oh, this is elderflower,
I know it's not vinegar.
But I'll have it anyway.
SHE RETCHES
Lady Leshurr, I wouldn't advise drinking all of the shots.
You told me to drink all the vinegar.
Yes, drink all the vinegar, but don't bring all of the shots.
LISPING: What's that? What's that?!
NORMAL: Oh! I think I see what you've done.
Sweet... Let's go into sour.
SHE RETCHES
Ooh, it tastes like elderflower. It is elderflower.
Coconut water!
Is there any vinegar here?
Would you label it?
Is that vinegar? Can you try it?
Ah, OK. Can you?! Come on, then!
This is fun!
That's apple juice.
SHE SIGHS
Water...
LISPING: What's that? Drink that!
Coconut water.
Plot twist, there's no vinegar, is there?
None of these are vinegar. That's the answer. None.
I don't think we've got any vinegar here.
And my nose is pretty good, you know.
Well, you can shout, "I've drunk all the vinegar", whenever you want.
All right, I've drunk all the vinegar. I've stopped the clock.
I've drunk all the vinegar.
Whew... How do you feel?
Bloated.
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
How many shots did I take? 39. Eww...
What I found intriguing is, even though you stuck with your policy,
and you thought, "I'm gonna plough through these",
regardless of what's in them, you stopped her.
Thanks, Alex. And I don't know why.
I can only presume you're hoping to get in on the UK Grime scene.
No, I just didn't want her to die...
Claudia's technique, I've written down as "dab and taste".
Then I realised that I was about to unravel.
Yeah, for the rest of the day, you shouted at me.
AUDIENCE: Awww! But in a nice way!
I mean, I did say... No, you shouted,
"You're a horrible, horrible man."
Which I thoroughly, thoroughly enjoy,
and I really enjoyed, "Stop talking."
I didn't work out where the vinegar was and I'm still angry about it.
But you know it was also...
I watched a documentary on vinegars and...
LAUGHTER DROWNS SPEECH
Beautiful. It is so true!
I watched this fantastic documentary on vinegars and how sophisticated
they can be and I don't know what the legal definition,
under the Food Standards Agency, is of vinegar.
So, therefore, I actually think,
whatever the result of this, I'm gonna challenge it. Right...
Well, the question is, is whether there was vinegar or not.
There was vinegar there. Yeah.
There was one shot of vinegar. Oh, no! One shot.
And I'm gonna show you just how close all three of you were
to finding it. Oh, stop it, you evil man!
Have a look at this. CLAUDIA: No...
I don't think we've got any vinegar here.
And my nose is pretty good, you know.
Well, you can shout, "I've drunk all the vinegar"
whenever you want.
All right, I've drunk all the vinegar. I've stopped the clock.
AUDIENCE: Ohhh! All right, this is all water.
This is...
Guys...
Guys... If there is an easy...
..easy way of doing this,
I'm gonna be upset.
I think it's a trick.
That's apple juice.
Literally none of them are vinegar.
ALL: I've drunk all the vinegar.
I'm stopping the clock.
APPLAUSE Close...
Very close. Mm-hm.
Right, break time.
If you need the loo and you've got a garden, why not go feral?
Wee in the open air.
Howl like a wolf while you're doing it, treat yourself.
APPLAUSE
Hello and welcome back, wolf weers.
Alex, before the break,
were you actually trying to make our contestants drink vinegar?
Yes, I was.
And now, it's over to the boys to see
if they can detect the condiment.
It's Adrian and Jonnie.
That's not vinegar.
What are you looking for? I don't know.
I can only assume some are vinegar, so now I'm gonna smell.
I've got next to no sense of smell.
Ah! Very nice.
What's that? This is a universal indicator paper.
AUDIENCE: Ooh! Awww!
Would there be some pH strips in here?
That'd be useful.
What, so we're just gonna have to dip this in every single one?
That's one way of doing it, yeah.
This isn't the pH strip.
Is there more to this? If I put these on...?
No. No, that would be silly.
No, that's achieved nothing.
Right... That's definitely changed colour.
That's gone red, red means it's acidic, I assume?
That's got to be vinegar!
That's kombucha.
It might be that more than one thing is acidic.
Ooh, I've picked up something...
OK, right, so we're gonna go have another look.
85? Is it number 85?
85, 85... 85!
CLAUDIA: Oh!
85, there's 85 everywhere, so I've got to find an 85th shot.
What, so I have to count?
HE SNIFFS
It's round there somewhere.
That's water.
There's one with a number one on it.
So start from there. One, two,
three, four, five, six...
Right, so surely...
AUDIENCE GROANING
And if I've spilt the vinegar, what happens in that situation?
I mean... Yeah, that's definitely vinegar.
GROANS This is so dispiriting.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
JONNIE COUGHS
I've just drunk the vinegar. Have you drunk all the vinegar?
I've just drunk all the bastard vinegar.
STRAINED: Catching the back of my throat!
Yeah, I drunk all the vinegar, I think. I'll stop the clock.
I think you have.
Brilliant. Brilliant. The best task.
Your representative did you proud there. I was so proud of him.
When I took part in this show, I made a decision
when I went in to do a task that I'd have a look around.
Because there's often something there. Never found anything.
And before I came in today, I said to Alex,
"Do you think I'd have found that 85?"
And he said, "No, you wouldn't have found it." Not a chance.
Now, Adrian, you announced before you started sniffing everything
that you've got no sense of smell. I tell you what you've got,
though, you've got a really lovely smooth neck motion.
It was like you were a professional vinegar sniffer.
You can descale with vinegar, actually!
Tell me some times.
Well, Jonnie found the vinegar at eight minutes 28 seconds.
Adrian drank all the bastard vinegar at nine minutes five seconds.
Oh. But it took Jonnie one minute 58 to drink all the vinegar
by the time he'd got the straw.
So actually, Adrian was about a minute and a half quicker
so Adrian gets five points, Jonnie Peacock gets four points.
There it is.
One final task, then. Of course.
And this one sees our cast go to some pretty extreme lengths.
Hello. Claudia!
Welcome, Sayeeda. Whoa! There he is.
There's Greg. I thought he was Abraham Lincoln.
No, he's not Abraham Lincoln.
Can I sit on your lap, Greg?
Yeah, he looks happy enough.
Thanks, Greg.
"Choose a length for this pole then guide it through the course."
"The person who completes the course with the longest pole wins."
"Every time your pole touches something other than your hands,
"ten centimetres will be taken from its length."
"You have a maximum of ten minutes!"
"Your time starts now."
What are the options in the pole lengths?
It goes from that length to seven metres. Where's the course?
Let's just get on with it.
Big poles, get them through a house, I get it. Yeah.
It's a big window cleaning pole.
First up, it's Adrian over there on the left.
And Sayeeda on the right. Here we go.
You just tell me when to stop, Sayeeda.
Keep going, keep going. OK.
There.
Er... Yeah, that's fine.
It is now your pole. Please follow the arrows.
I'm going to be watching very closely at either end. OK.
You've not struck anything yet.
BUZZER Oh, you just struck something here.
I'm on the wrong side of the bloody thing.
BUZZER Did it strike the wall there?
I got it once, yeah. Once, OK.
Just a touch there, I think. No, I wouldn't say touched. No?
Flirted with it. Flirted with it, all right.
What do I need to go through? Through the phone box, really.
OK.
Under here? Yeah, this is Linda. Don't mind me, Linda.
There you go. Ha!
Ooh, just struck the tyre there.
SAYEEDA EXHALES SHARPLY
Oh, bloody hell.
Oh! There's one.
Oof...
Come on!
Ohhh. Like a surgeon.
OK. This feels like Mount Everest.
Yes!
I only clocked two strikes, is that accurate? Will you look at VAR?
We will look at VAR. OK, let's call it four, then.
APPLAUSE
Watching you celebrate passing a window cleaner's pole
under a cow and then punching the air
when you passed it through a postbox...
..all I could think was,
"Oh, they're going to take her title off her, aren't they?"
Immediately.
Adrian, it felt to me like you've passed a pole through
an assault course multiple times.
You almost seemed weary.
You're doing it again!
It's like Chiles is known for that.
Both of you went for quite sensible heights.
And they only struck it three times, Sayeeda, and four times,
when we analysed it. He was correct, four, with Adrian.
So they've done well. Next it's Claudia Winkleman and Lady Leshurr.
Here we go.
Is that even going to get through the door?
I love a challenge, why not, let's do it. OK, well, good luck, Leshurr.
OK, that's fine!
I can't do bigger than that.
OK. Let's go!
HUMS ACTION MUSIC
BUZZER So I need to open it.Yeah.
Right. If the camera hits something, that's fine. Oh, you just hit Greg.
Make it smaller, make it... Two, three...
No, stop speaking, make it smaller! I don't think I can now.
Fire in the hole!
OK.
FRUSTRATED GROAN, BUZZER
Alex, open the door for me. Please? Please. No.
BUZZER I have one little touch there. No!
Right, it might have touched something then.
It sounded like it touched quite a few things.
BUZZER SOUNDS MULTIPLE TIMES
LESHURR GROANS
BUZZER Hurgh! Oh...
OK... Oh!
Alex, be a... Ow! BUZZER
I'm going to have to come through this way.
BUZZER Ooh!
It's going to touch the door. There's nothing I can do about it.
OK. I guess it's only touched it twice.
CONTINUOUS BUZZING
Alex!
I really feel like there's a reason why I'm wearing this now.
Oh, you just hit the udder.
Oh, for God's sake.
It's sort of touching the ground quite a bit.
BUZZING It hasn't touched the ground.
I don't understand what I do now, do I climb through the tyres?
I don't think so.
BUZZER
OK. That's it.
BUZZER
That was so nearly brilliant.
That wasn't. BUZZER
BUZZER It's not touching.
It sounds like it's touching. Well...!
That's nice. Don't!
BUZZ, BUZZ, BUZZ Drives me mad.
SINGS TRIUMPHANTLY
Are you pleased with that? Yes.
If you hadn't touched anything, I think you'd be winning this.
APPLAUSE
My eyes are watering.
I mean, honestly, you should both be ashamed of yourselves.
I've got to stick up for Lady Leshurr, she only struck 15 things.
Oh, right. Oh, that's my lucky number!
Stick up for Lady Leshurr? Because the first thing she did
is attempt to knock the front door down with the pole.
She attempted to ram raid the house.
Lady Leshurr started with a three metre 60 pole. Yes.
Touched things 15 times,
so we only knock off one metre 50
so she ended up with a two metre ten pole.
Whereas Claudia started... Come on, come on!
..with a four metre 20 pole, struck things 41 times,
so ended up with a 10 cm pole.
APPLAUSE
I can't come out.
Just one part left now till someone takes home Adrian Chiles' tea urn
and some papier mache eyebrows. The stakes couldn't be lower!
See you soon.
APPLAUSE
Hello and welcome back to the last part of this festive treat.
Let's get to the next task completed, sweet lips.
Yes, and it's an infuriating pole task, Greg.
10 cm will be taken off the pole's length every time the pole
touches something other than the hands of the person holding it.
They've gone bigger every time.
What will one of our greatest athletes ever do?
Here he is now. It's Jonnie Polecock.
I think we go as long as it can go.
That's its maximum. That's its max?
Once I do a touch, we're just going to roll with it.
BUZZ OK, so it's touching it.
BUZZ It's touching at both ends.
Is this one continuous touch?
It is now, yeah. It's still touching it.
You know what, I'm going to quickly...
BUZZ Right. I'm going to use this as one touch.
There has been a few touches on the way to the one touch. That's fine.
Fine. That's fine.
REPEATED BUZZING
BUZZ
Oh, you're going backwards, are you?
BUZZ No, the door!
BUZZ, BUZZ
APPLAUSE
BUZZ
Oh, you... How much longer! A couple of touches there. Oh, no.
BUZZ, BUZZ, BUZZ
Wait. That's one touch! Argh!
BUZZ
Oh, I'm taking it. Yeah? So that's just two touches there.
REPEATED BUZZING
BUZZ
One minute. Let's just face it, it's going to touch.
BUZZ
That's one continual touch, is it? A light graze.
REPEATED BUZZING
Five seconds.
Phew.
You made it with a second to spare, so that was exciting.
There you go. That's what happens if you get a proper athlete on the show.
OK. That's genuinely impressive.
I was absolutely cheering in the phone box bit, won't you? Yes.
"That's it! That the pole technique I've been looking for."
He's a bold man. I like that about him.
And he's one of our great sprinters, but what a loss to pole vaulting.
And there is no way he took it down to a Winkleman 10 cm job.
Do you know what? He didn't.
He touched things 48 times, so he ended up with a 220 cm pole.
Is it best pole?
Well, overall, Claudia, of course, gets just the one point.
Sayeeda, 207 cm.
Lady Leshurr was three centimetres longer, 210. She gets three points.
And Jonnie gets four points with his 220.
Adrian Chiles wins five points
because his pole was eventually 262 cm.
APPLAUSE
There it is. Well done, everybody.
Please make your way to the stage for the final task of the show!
CHEERING
Who's going to read the task? Me.
AUDIENCE: Oooh!
Choose a ball.
You have 30 seconds.
WHISTLE
Take the stand, please, take the stand.
APPLAUSE
It looks like someone's paying the price of her greed.
Turn your ball into a head.
Your new head must be the head of one of your fellow contestants.
Best head wins. You have 200 seconds.
Please reveal the things that they will be using
to turn their ball into ahead, Alex.
Of course, Greg.
OK, good luck, everyone.
Your 200 seconds start...
WHISTLE
And we're off.
Are you regretting that big blue ball now?
No, I never regret big blue balls.
LAUGHTER
You can't stick plasticine on with glue, we have learned.
You've got 40 seconds left. God.
You're going to say I haven't done enough. Again!
Why don't you kick back and have a Pot Noodle? Oh, come on!
I think Adrian's only used a pen.
Three, two, one...
WHISTLE
Adrian, these rotate your ball towards the Taskmaster.
APPLAUSE
Incredible.
If you ever fancied a weekend off Strictly,
you could get away with that.
I think Claudia should reveal her ball.
Yes, OK. Please spin your ball.
Right. Who do you think that is, Greg?
I'm not 100% convinced if the word "urn" wasn't written on that...
Stand next to it, Adrian. Stand next to it.
Oh, no, it's not bad. What was I thinking?
OK. Are you ready to see the third ball head?
I'm ready to see Alan Davies/Jonnie Peacock.
Is that me?
I think that's me. I like the eyelashes.
Look at the lashes.
Oh, God, yeah, they are good now you've said it.
OK, let's see Lady Leshurr's.
She's crying, this one.
Well, I think Leshurr's done a self-portrait. Is it yourself?
Of course it's Clauds.
What do you mean, of course?
Of course it's Clauds? Look at the long hair!
It is orange. The eyebrows.
Wow. Wow.
That's the most mischievous thing you've ever said.
Right, well, there's only one left. I'm pretty excited.
I thought I'd give you a little bit of help.
It's really good!
She's got the nose.
Oh, my God!
APPLAUSE
It looks more like him than him!
Oh, Christ, OK.
Greg, please judge it from the worst head to the best head. OK.
Leshurr's, absolutely dreadful.
I'm sorry, Claudia.
Two points. Alan.
Three points. OK.
Adrian, it's an incredible likeness to the great presenter,
but no-one's ever going to beat that!
Five points!
CHEERING ♪S
Right. We'll see how that's affected the final scores.
Come down here and join me!
Well, after that task, at the bottom of the table with six points
after five tasks, it's Claudia Winkleman.
APPLAUSE
Yeah.
And I'm afraid you did the worst head,
so Lady Leshurr comes fourth with 12 points.
Yay. I think that's pretty good. I thought I was going to be last.
13 points to the Baroness Sayeeda Warsi.
So it's between Jonnie Peacock and Adrian Chiles.
There is a runaway winner. Jonnie Peacock gets 15 points.
Well done, Alan Davies. Well done, Alan Davies.
But the winner has 22 points out of a possible 25!
The winner of this special edition is Adrian Chiles!
CHEERING Please head up to the stage
to admire your beguiling, unwieldy, shiny prizes
and collect your trophy!
CHEERING