- Paul!
- Yes!
- Hi, Mum.
- Au revoir!
- Yah!
- Oh.
- No!
- Ha ha ha!
- Ah!
- Tena koutou katoa. Nau mai, haere ma, and welcome to a brand-new Taskmaster New Zealand.
My name is Jeremy Wells, and every year, as part of my charity work in the Big Buddy, Little Buddy program,
I arrange for five comedians to spend time with my little buddy Paul here,
completing a series of tasks that feel surprisingly high-stakes,
considering the fact that none of this matters in the slightest.
These comedians aren't just here out of the goodness of their hearts; they're here for this ―
my golden head.
So, let's introduce the five comedians who, for the next 10 weeks,
will be gaining points and losing dignity.
Please put your hands together for Alice Snedden...
...Bree Tomasel...
...Jack Ansett...
...Jackie van Beek...
...and Pax Assadi.
And joining me, as always, is the man who calls me his best friend for life
and who I'm proud to call an occasional colleague.
It's my assistant, ladies and gentlemen, Paul Williams.
How's it going, Paul?
Paul has taken a two-month vow of silence.
So how long has he got to go?
I'm good?
OK.
Thank you, Lachlan.
Wow.
- Good to be back.
- That monk's name is Lachlan? - Yeah.
Wow.
- First up, as always, we'll be beginning with the prize task.
Tonight we've asked our contestants to bring in the thing that gives them the most streetcred,
and whoever wins tonight's episode will take home all five things and the respect of the streets.
- What did you bring in, Alice?
There's nothing that gives you more street cred than drugs. Um...
But, um... I wasn't allowed to bring in any of those, so I thought, what's second best,
and that is, um, a list of people who both do drugs and are successful.
But what's incredible about the list is the company I'm in.
- Up the top, Elon Musk. - Wow.
- So, obviously, this list was created a while ago, where that was actually a bigger get.
Number four ― Barack Obama.
And then coming in at number three ― Alice Snedden.
- How did you end up on this list? Have you openly been a weed smoker? - Yep.
Have you openly been successful?
- Oh, Pax. - That― That's actually something I prefer to keep private.
- Bree, what did you bring in?
- Look, Jeremy, I thought, what gives me the most street cred ―
it's my personalised number plates.
Oh!
Leshgo.
- I wish I was joking.
- So you do realise that if you don't win this prize task,
those number plates go to the person who wins the episode.
And that's why I think everyone will let me win tonight.
And I would actually like to withdraw from competition.
- Jack, what did you bring in?
- I emailed New Zealand's longest-running Shortland Street,
and I asked if I could be on an episode, and they said yes,
and I got an actual Street cred. There we are.
- Thank you. Yeah. - Congratulations. - Very impressive.
- I also have, uh, been on the Street.
- I've also been on the Street.
- Oh, for 's sake. - Has anyone not been on Shortland Street here?
- Everyone here has probably been on Shortland Street. - Hey, hey!
- Anyone in the audience been on Shortland Street?
Yeah, there's a few there ― one, two...
- Jackie, what did you bring in for the prize task?
- So, I freaked, and I went to the internet,
and I just typed in, like, you know, 'what could give me street cred?'
It said, 'There are a few ways you can get street cred without being in a gang.'
So I thought, great. Um...
'Always be honest in your business interactions.
'No one wants to buy molly from a guy who's known to cut it with meth.'
So... that's good.
This is my research.
But― But― But― But― But― But― Here we go. 'A better idea is not trying to get street cred.
'It doesn't really get you anywhere later in life.' I'm 49.
'It's way safer, more profitable, and, ultimately, more respectable,
'to stay on the straightish and narrowish.'
So I actually, um, yeah― I chose... to put up reading glasses to kind of go against the...
street cred.
- Oh.
- Weirdly, I still think this is better than Jack's. - Oh...
Oh, 100%. 100%.
- Pax, what did you bring in?
- Something that I think gives you a lot of street cred is breaking and entering.
And I've stolen something that you may recognise. - Oh.
- Ohhh.
Oh.
- Oh. - 'Oh' is right.
- Oh. What happened to the bat?
- Where's the―? Where's the bat gone? - You broke it. You broke it.
- There's only 200 of those in exis― Well, there were when they were made.
Uh, it was already like that.
I also have footage of me stealing it, if you'd like to see that.
Could've you not at least stole the Mike Hosking puppet?
- No, I found that terrifying.
I feel really guilty, and I have to show― I did more.
Oh, you are. Oh my...
- Oh! - Well, that's what he's doing.
- I just couldn't resist. I couldn't resist.
- It's gonna be hard for me to judge this.
Who do I give one point to? It's hard to know whonotto give one point to.
I think I'm gonna go...
Jackie's glasses one.
Two points for Bree and the number plates. - That's fair.
- God help me. Three points for Jack. - Easy, tiger.
- I'm gonna go four points for Alice.
And it was an impressive effort from you, Pax,
despite the fact that you've stolen one of my most treasured possessions.
Five points for Pax.
OK, enough admin. I'm ready for the first proper task of the show, Paul.
- Sure thing, Jeremy. - Oh my God, I'm so nervous. - Oh God.
- In a Taskmaster New Zealand first,
this season, our contestants completed some of their tasks at a new location.
That location ― Rainbow's End...
...New Zealand's best and only theme park.
Here is one of those tasks, and this one has our contestants bouncing off the walls.
- Ohhh.
That you, Paul? - Yeah.
- Hello, Paul. - Hello, Bree.
Hello, Alice. - Hello, Paul.
- Hello, Jackie.
- I just wanted to keep it traditional.
- All righty. Here we go.
'With one roll, bounce this ball off the walls as many times as possible
'before knocking over the toilet paper tower.'
- 'You may not touch the ball in any manner once you have rolled it.'
- 'Most times the ball hits a wall before it knocks over the tower wins.'
- 'You have 18 minutes to prepare and then one official attempt.'
- 'To signal your official attempt, say the phrase, "Let the good times roll," before rolling your ball.'
- 'Your time starts now.'
OK, that's a piece of piss.
- You can practise, but you have one official roll.
- And I can use these. - Mm-hm.
- That's what they're for. OK. All right. Thank you, Paul.
- Seems pretty simple.
I guess we need to address a couple of things firstly.
Jack... - Yeah.
- ...any reason why you're dressed like David Bain representing Dunedin in Top Town 1986?
Wow. Wow.
Jeremy, I'd argue I'm always dressed like David Bain. Um...
Um, yeah, I actually dressed as a runner. Did that not come across?
He used to do a paper run, um...
- I-I actually auditioned to be a young David Bain in the David Bain TV Show, yeah.
I don't know if you've ever been in a waiting room full of David Bain lookalikes...
...before, but, um, very... yeah.
There haven't been that many Bains in one room since 1994. But anyway, um...
- Sorry. OK. Um... - Oh!
OK, Paul. Who's loo-roll bowling are we gonna see first?
- What do Mad Men, Scream 4 and the Lego Movie all have in common? It's Alice and Bree.
- I'm just going to give it a go.
- I just wanna give it a ing hoon and not touch any of this stuff.
No, that's not gonna work. OK.
- Well, that was shit.
- No, OK. Do I have to get that ball? - Ideally.
- Oh, shit.
- I'm gonna make, like, a tunnel and then just whip it.
Paul, if ever my arse doesn't look good, you tell me, OK? - OK.
- This is what tradies must feel like on the job. - Yeah.
- Hard day's work.
- You've― You've been going for about seven minutes.
- OK. What do you reckon? That looks pretty good. I could have a practice right now.
- Yes.
- This a practice.
You little shit.
Oh!
What am I missing?
- When― On that time, you missed the tower.
- Well, that wasn't good, was it?
- That was quite a lot of wall touches. - Yeah, OK, cool.
Great. We'll do one.
What's the phrase?
- Let the good times roll!
That's one.
That's two. That's three. That's four.
That's five. That's six.
- Let the good times roll.
- OK. So, task number one ― how many tasks are we gonna expect you to be starting with the words,
'Let's give this a ing hoon'?
I'm afraid too many.
I can't tell you how confident I was going into this and how already that confidence is shattered.
Wow.
- Bree, seven minutes doing a task and you're talking about a hard day's work.
- I've got asthma, but I was genuinely puffed,
and I was like, how can I stop from running as many times?
And I just thought, make it more narrow and hopefully get more bounces.
Obviously, plan didn't turn out. You know? And that's life.
- Wow. - That's actually beautiful.
- Yeah, thank you. - Yeah, I like that.
- That's an inspiration to all kids out there with asthma. - Mm. Yeah.
- So, Bree, obviously, built walls. - Mm-hm.
- Thoughts on that? - I think that's fine. - OK.
- I felt like that was OK.
So, just to clarify, Paul ― how many wall touches have we got for Alice and Bree?
- Bree, four.
Alice... - Four?!
- Yes. - Are you sure?
- Yes. - Fair enough.
- Wow. You backed down quickly there.
- Alice, eight. - Oof. - Wow.
- OK. All right. Good news ― it's time for the first ad break of the season.
Make sure you savour every moment, because after this, there's only 39 more to go.
We'll see you soon.
- Welcome back to the season six premiere of Taskmaster New Zealand.
Where were we, Paul?
- Our five contestants are attempting to bounce a ball off some walls as many times as possible
before knocking over a toilet paper tower.
Up next, it's time for a PB&J sandwich.
Pax, ball and Jackie.
So, you're gonna move the tower? - Yeah.
- Where are you moving it to? - Don't talk to me right now, Paul.
- I feel like I need probably about 200 more of these. - OK.
- Is that a poss―? Is that a possibility? - No.
- You're not a 'yes' guy. - Oh, sorry.
But I would argue, yes, I am.
So, you're building your own walls? - Yeah.
My therapist told me that I need to stop building walls or else my marriage is destined to fail.
- But you're still building walls. - Yeah.
My marriage ― oh, it's going well, actually. - OK.
- We did it recently, my wife and I. - Did what? - Sex, Paul. We did sex.
- Wow.
What are you doing?
- I-I-I'm frozen in panic.
- OK. How to let the good time... - What?
- Go― Go...
Gotta let the good times?
I don't know sayings. I don't know white people sayings.
Oh, just let the good times roll.
- Let the good times roll.
Got that one.
Kind of touching it.
Ooh, two, three, four.
Come on, you ripper.
Bang!
Aargh.
There is a rage within me, Paul, that is a torrent right now.
- Alice and Bree, you must be feeling a lot better about your attempts now.
Oh my God. I feel so smug.
My marriage has gotten worse since then.
- I mean, Pax... - I know.
- I mean, I didn't think that you were smart, but I didn't think that you were that stupid.
- I panicked. I didn't think. I didn't think it through.
I was― I was thinking about sex and my wife. It distracted me.
- My memory is so shot that I― just watching that now, I was like, this is going so well.
I was like, oh my God, I could be the winner.
And I'd forgotten that it didn't get any of the toilet paper rolls.
That was, like, a live experience for me just then. - That was heart-breaking.
- The good news for everybody is there is one more attempt.
- Oh shit.
- All he has to do is knock over the tower for a podium finish.
It's Jack Ansett.
- Hi, Mum. - Is your mum gonna watch this? - No, she hates this show.
Oh yeah. OK.
- Is that the 'no vaping' sign?
- OK.
Where's that ball?
Oh gosh. Where'd I put the ball?
Have you hidden the ball?
Oh...
Where's the ball?
Oh... Lost my... I've lost the ball.
No! I've lost the ball!
- You've got five minutes.
- This is part of it. This is your little... These are your little tricks. You've hidden it.
Where would they have hidden the ball?
You ― where is the ball?
Ey, ey, ey! Where's the ball?
$300.
- You got 93 seconds.
- 93...
I will reimburse this.
- That might damage someone's drink bottle.
- These people don't care. I offered that guy $300. They honestly couldn't care less.
You might wanna get out of the way, Paul.
Let the good times roll!
You took the ball!
I looked there!
- He did not. He did not.
- Hey, Jeremy, what were you saying about me being not that bright?
- I have been thinking about this so much, whether you took the ball or whether you didn't take the ball.
I looked everywhere. I looked in the bushes. I look―
- I think it's clear there's one place you didn't look.
- I will also say, um, Zane our crew member's drink bottle cost $79.90.
- Whoa! - No!
- And Jack never reimbursed. - Jack.
- So, this is pretty clear to me. Jack gets zero because he didn't even roll a ball.
The fact that Jackie and Pax didn't knock over the tower...
- But I hit the― I hit the concrete walls.
- Well, Jackie also did hit the tower. - Yes! I nudged the tower.
- She hit the tower, but it didn't knock over, so I think Pax should get one.
- OK. - I think Jackie should probably get two.
- OK. - Happy with that.
- And then we go up a lot to Bree, who should get four. - Yep.
- And then I think it's fair to say that Alice should definitely get five.
- Wow. - Wow.
- That makes sense.
So, Paul, where does that leave the points for this episode so far?
Out in front with nine points, Alice Snedden.
- Let's get to the next task.
- Let me address the elephant in the room and stop beating around the bush.
Once in a blue moon, a task comes along that is truly not a piece of cake.
Will our contestants hit the ground running, pass with flying colours and end up on cloud nine?
Or will they drop the ball, bark up the wrong tree, shoot themselves in the foot, throw the towel in
and watch five points go up in smoke?
Here it is.
- Hey, Paul. - Hello, Alice.
- Paul. - Hello, Bree.
- Oh dear. This is a mess.
- Oh no.
- Don't get upset.
- Hmm.
- OK. Here we go.
'Film an origin story for your favourite idiom.'
- 'You have 40 minutes.'
- 'Your time starts now.'
- Idiom. What is a idiom?
- Like a saying. - Mm-hm.
- Like, don't go crying over spilt milk.
- Are there any that you use a lot?
- Kick it in the dick. Have you heard of that one? - No.
- Can you just type in, like, 'examples of idioms,' please? - OK.
Break a leg. Beat around the bush.
- Cut somebody some slack. Cutting corners. Just― Slow down. Easy does it.
You could've said 'easy does it'.
- None of these are working for me. - OK.
- I want you to google 'random idiom generator'. - OK.
- Generate me a random idiom. That's the one we're doing. Go.
Flea market.
- I was interested that two contestants' first instincts
when they see spilt milk on a table is to table suck.
- And I'm lactose intolerant. - Yeah.
Also― Also, that was PVA glue.
I was quite relieved.
- I am ready for some idiom origins, Paul Who is gonna start us off?
- A-lice in the hand is worth Snedd-en the bush. - Eugh.
- It's Alice Snedden.
- All right, lads. Big day today. OK, you know we're T-minus 15 seconds away from launch.
Here we go.
Sir, there's a problem.
- What?
Williams.
- Houston, we have a problem. - Williams, speak to me.
- I'm sorry, sir. I'm really struggling here. I just can't get my sock on.
- Well, get it on now. What's wrong? Come on. Hurry up.
- I know it sounds crazy, but it's really hard.
Like, I'm not very flexible, and I'm, like, lying on my back, and I'm all strapped in.
- We're T-minus five seconds. - It's really tough.
- Dammit, boy. It's not rocket science.
- It's true.
- We lost 'em all.
- So, you lost Paul... - Yeah. - ...in an unfortunate accident.
And then your first thought was, 'I'm going on smoko.'
- Yeah, I was smoking the whole time, but back in the day at NASA, they encouraged that.
- Yeah, that's true. - Cos smoking actually helped you fly.
- Yeah. - Interesting bit from me was ― you had issues with your sock, but―
- I couldn't get my sock on. - ...you already seemed to have a sock on.
Yes, that is correct.
I mean, that was mainly― I just didn't want people to see my feet.
- Yeah, that was a creative difference that Paul and I had.
I really wanted him to get his feet out, and, um, he declined.
- Uh, currently on WikiFeet, my feet are at a 3.5, so if you're at home,
if you could help get those numbers up...
- I can think of one way, mate, that you would've really driven that score up.
- OK, whose idiom are we gonna see next?
- She has an amazing birds killed to stones thrown ratio. It's Jackie van Beek.
- 'Ello, Barry. - Oh, hi, Sheryl.
- Well, what's this poor sod done, then, eh?
- Well, you know, technically, nothing, but, you know, I've just got so much frustration,
cos, basically, I'm addicted to killing, and I can't sleep unless I kill somebody.
I've not slept in a week.
- But it's not fair. Like, if he's done nothin', it's just a poor, innocent bloke.
- Yeah, but you're not hearing me. I can't sleep, Sheryl.
- Yeah, I get it. I am hearing ya.
I'll tell ya what ― I want you to stop killing people, stop killing innocents,
and I want you to give my sack a nice, big hit.
- You want me to hit the sack? - Yeah!
Three times. That's it. How do ya feel?
Oh my gosh. He's fallen asleep.
Look at this, would ya? I think you're gonna be free. I think everything's gonna be OK.
Ooh. OK.
And that, my friends, is the origin story of 'hit the sack'.
Thank you.
- Very good, Jackie. - Quite nice hair, actually.
- Really good. - Similar hair. - Beautiful.
- Some fascinating character development there.
Just give us the origin stories of... is it Barry and Sheryl? - Yes.
- Is that right? - Yeah, so Sheryl was an old, wise hag that lived in the woodlands.
And Barry was a very aggressive executioner.
- I feel like there was― there was chemistry there. - I think so too, yeah.
- I felt it. - I felt like Paul fell asleep in quite a horny way.
Wow.
- I was disappointed at the end that Sheryl broke the fourth wall, because...
- Oh. - ...how obvious did you need to make it?
- It's education. It's educational, so, of course, the audience need a―
as I'm doing right now, you know, you speak to them, and there's a rapport,
so it's like we put on a brilliant piece of cinema, but we also educate.
It's a relationship.
- We've got three more origin stories to go,
but first, it's time to watch the origin stories of some excellent goods and services.
We'll see you after the break.
- Welcome back to Taskmaster,
the only show on television brave enough to show Paul Williams burning to death.
Where were we, Paul? - Our contestants are showing us the origin stories of idioms.
Up next, proving that the apple doesn't fall far from the Bree, it's Bree Tomasel.
- Come on, Tenzing.
We've done it.
The summit of Everest.
And, look, I just got 10,000 steps. - Congrats.
- Only one thing left to do.
Yes, Tenzing.
I've done it!
My greatest achievement ever!
Yes!
Let's go!
- You kicked me in the dick.
- You're right. You're right, Tenzing. I indeed kicked it in the dick.
Me,
Sir Edmund Hillary,
dick-kicker!
- Firstly, I'd like to say,
what a beautiful tribute to the late Sir Edmund Hillary and the great Tenzing Norgay.
- The first thing I did, and I'm not joking,
is got back to the room and googled whether Sir Edmund was dead or not,
cos I was so worried about him seeing it.
- Did she actually kick you in the private parts? It was good acting.
- It was a bit of movie magic, yeah. - OK.
He shoved a pillow down his pants.
- Oh, so you committed to the... - Yeah. Yeah.
It was a small pillow, but there was a pillow. - Yeah.
- Some pretty brave casting, I'd say, of Tenzing there. You know? - Yeah.
I would've thought that you'd get a Nepalese actor in for that.
I can famously do any accent.
And people say, 'Paul, you can't do a Japanese accent,' and I'm like...
'You don't believe I'm that capable?'
- Invercargill accent ― go.
Pur― Purrple.
- Quite good. - It's bang on.
- Yeah, really good. - It's actually bang on. - That was good.
- Pretty good. - Yeah, that was really good. - You nailed it.
- Whose idiom origin story are we seeing next, Paul?
- It's raining Pax and dogs. It's Pax Assadi.
- Oh, my favourite place in the world ― the Avondale Markets.
Well, well, well.
My old nemesis. You know that this used to be my table when I would deal fleas
and sell fleas to people. - The flea industry collapsed. Why would I ever want a flea?
- I don't know. You want to make your dog thinner? You cover it in fleas.
It'll lose a bunch of blood, and it'll be a thinner, sexier dog. - Oh, OK.
- Yeah. - I do want my dog to be sexy.
- I'm gonna start my own market.
And we're gonna deal in all types of very small insects.
- What are you gonna call this thing?
- Hmm. I guess I'm just gonna call it...
a flea market.
Wahhhhhhh!
That'll make sense by...
2003.
- OK, so, plenty to unpack there. Can you explain the glasses?
- Uh, not really, no.
I found them... - Mm.
- ...on my way to shoot the scene, and I put them on.
- Oh, I thought they were meant to indicate that you were a flea. - Yeah.
- They were meant to indicate that I was a flea.
- Flea market is not an idiom. We're all ignoring the elephant in the room.
- That's a good idiom. - You― I asked you―
I didn't wanna say it, I...
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Oh, mate.
- I just cursed all of you, OK, and all your children.
- It's my daughter's birthday. - I'm so sorry.
- It's my daughter's 18th birthday, and I am here. - I'm so― I can't take it back.
I can't take it back!
- So, it is technically a noun.
- Well, you've made an incredible film for the origin of a noun. - Yeah.
- I reckon you'd win if it was that category.
- Makes sense. We've still got Jack to go.
- Yes, he's a jack of all trades, master of all trades. It's Jack Ansett.
- OK, Paul, I've got an idea. Let's go for a walk.
- Go for a walk? - Yeah.
- You've only got 26 minutes. - Well, hurry up. Come on.
- OK. - Yeah. Come on. Let's go.
- So, do you have an idea? - An idea? - Yeah.
- Yeah, I've got an idea, Paul, yeah. But we're just enjoying a nice walk together right now.
- What was that?
- I don't know ― just the kind of thing friends do.
OK. Take a step back, Paul.
Whoo!
Wow. - I really think we should get back on task.
- Get back on task? - Yeah.
- OK.
Yeah.
Oh.
OK. Yep. I give in.
- I really think we should get back on task.
- Yeah, OK, let's― cool. - Sorry― Sorry about that. - Yeah.
- Um, you're almost out of time to do the― the task.
- Hey, Paul, look at me.
Slow and steady wins the race.
- Beautiful. - What a twist at the end.
What a twist. - Wow.
- So, what we had there was a romantic walk; you played some golf; you had a shirtless wrestle...
- Yes. - ...then you― - I liked that.
- ...then you had a romantic meal for two... - Yes, correct.
- That's the origin of 'slow and steady wins the race'? - You don't know that?
- So, I did look up the origin, and it's from a pretty famous race between a tortoise and ahare.
- Yeah. Didn't think this was gonna go this way.
- Out of interest, which way did you see it going? - Everyone would applaud and...
- Standing ovation. - ...standing ovation, five points, to be honest with you, Alice.
- So, in terms of marking, I'm gonna give one point to Pax. It wasn't even an idiom.
Two points to you, Jack, for the shirtless wrestling, cos I thought that was quite good.
- I did love that.
- Bree, I'll give you three points, because, unfortunately, you besmirched a national icon.
Four points for Jackie. Great character development there.
And, Alice, that gives you five points at the end.
- Well deserved. - Incredible. Wow.
- So, now it's time for one of my favourite commonly used phrases ― we'll see you after the break.
Bye for now.
- Welcome back to Taskmaster. If you've just joined us, you are late,
and I'm afraid you're gonna have to stay behind after this episode and help us clean up the studio.
Now, it's time for another task, Paul, I believe.
- It sure is, Jeremy, and this one's a whole lot of fun.
- Oh. - Hello, Jackie. - Hello.
- Hi, Paul. - Hello, Bree.
Hello, Pax.
- I need to fart. - Don't.
'Get this balloon through the hole and into the jar.'
- 'You may not touch the balloon in any way other than popping it with the pin.'
- 'You may not touch the string or the tissues in any way
'other than cutting the tissues with the scissors.'
- 'You may not touch the hole wall...'
Theholewall. Oh, theholewall. - Mm-hm.
'...in any way.' Gosh.
- So, this is the hole wall. - Yeah. - I'll move.
- I assumed that.
- 'Fastest wins.'
- 'Your time starts now.'
Far out. This is a bit of fun, isn't it?
- What's happening here?
So, it's... So, it's helium? - Mm-hm.
- So it'll go up to the sky. - If the tissues are lighter.
Got it.
- Have you got it, Alice? There's quite a lot in this task. - Yeah.
- It's one of the more confusing ones that we've done ― balloons, gaps through holes.
- A lot going on, yeah. - Yeah. Tissues on the bottom.
Yeah. It's also one I had no idea if it's possible.
- I mean, the word that really kinda springs out to me when I rewatch that is 'fastest' ―
is the word that sticks with me, just to say.
- That's beautiful. - And it― Does it―
Does it stick with you in a positive or negative way?
Incredibly positive, but just that word.
- All right. Shall we see the first one?
- It's the three contestants who don't have 'jack' in their name ― Bree, Alice and Pax.
- Who comes up with this shit, Paul?
- It's not shit.
Come on.
- Is this what you wanted ― me down on all fours cutting tissue like this?
I told you I needed to fart.
- OK, come on.
Ooh, ooh!
- Oh!
No, no, come back to me.
- It's too heavy again. - I know, Paul.
Yes!
Yes! OK.
OK, it went through the hole. - It did.
It's through the hole.
- Oh no! Oh no! What do I do now?
- I think the tissues got quite heavy. - Yeah, no shit, Paul.
- Noooo.
How does science work?
If I had a baby, this is what I'd sound like.
Aah!
- Did it go in the jar? - LAUGHS, WHEEZES: No. It didn't.
- Is it in the jar? - No.
- Did anyone actually get the balloon in the jar?
- Out of those three, no. - OK.
- Alice, you grabbing the jar was brilliant.
- Yeah, unfortunately it didn't lead to success or, um...
cos I'm actually quite afraid of― well, I don't like loud noises that catch me off guard,so...
Aah!
- She's not lying.
Sorry. - I mean, it was you that popped it.
Yeah, I got a big fright, though.
Yeah, as I popped it, I think I actually moved the jar away.
- Whose attempt are we gonna see next, Paul?
- In this task, the jar is key.
It's Jar-key van Beek.
Stop the clock.
Maybe not the most entertaining but certainly fastest, I would guess.
- Clinical. You would describe that as clinical.
- You know what ― I thought― to be entirely honest, I did think,
'I bet everyone else's videos are gonna be fun and entertaining and crazy and zany,
'and mine's― mine's gonna win.'
You know? I mean... - Mine wasn't any of that anyway, and it still lost.
- I would trade what I did for what you did any day.
I think I've fallen in love with you.
- OK, how long did that take Jackie? - It was very fast. Two minutes and eight seconds.
- Wow. - Unbelievable.
- Who have we got left, Paul?
- Continuing his trend of always going last, it's Jack Ansett.
- OK.
Oh!
Oh my God.
Oh!
Well...
Was that supposed to happen? - Was what supposed to happen?
- Was that supposed to pop? - I mean, you were the one doing it.
- Oh, it's in the water. Oh, great.
Oh!
Look at that.
Paul, can you hold this while I come around the corner?
Thanks.
It's amazing how things like this just work out sometimes, eh?
Wow. Stop the clock.
Pretty good!
- Happy? - You're smiling. It's pretty good.
- You seemed genuinely surprised that a helium balloon, when you cut the string, goes up to theceiling.
- I was worried for a moment that you were gonna lose the balloon.
I genuinely thought, 'Oh no, he's gonna―' but, no― but you got it.
- No, no, no. Just from some fate of the gods, it landed in the fish bowl, and voila.
And, um, yeah.
Wow, this is like a Make-A-Wish.
- OK, so, Jackie's time was two minutes and eight seconds. - Incredible.
- Jack ― 1.49.
- Wow! - Yeah, but still, it's not everything, is it?
- Was 'fastest' not the key word?' - Fastest wins. - Yeah, fastest wins.
But also...
I'm sorry, but can I just say...
...horrific.
- This one's not too hard to judge, to be honest, because I think there's two categories.
There's the people who got the balloon in the jar, and then there's the people who didn't,
so.... zero points for those guys. - OK. - Ooh!
- OK, so that's four points for Jackie, and five points for Jack. - OK.
Wow. - Yes! How good does that feel? You've been there.
- Yeah.
- I have been there. It feels good. It feels good.
- That is the end of part four.
Come back soon to see which of our comedians will win a pair of old reading glasses
and some 1970s pace bowler memorabilia.
The stakes could not be higher. We'll see you just after this.
- Welcome back to the last bit of the first ep of the sixth season of Taskmaster.
Now we've just got one live task to go,
but before we get there, Paul, can I have a scoreboard update, please?
Leading the pack with 14 points, Alice Snedden.
- All right, you guys, if you can please now head up to the stage for your first live task of the season.
All right, Paul, who's gonna read out the task? - Pax Assadi.
'Throw fish into the barrel. Most fish successfully thrown into the barrel wins.
'You have 30 seconds minus the number of fish you wish to throw.
'You may throw the same fish more than once.
'You must throw from the spot and must not move the spot or barrel.'
- OK, from the top. - I can't understand anything you've just said.
- Yeah. - I'm starting to see how you couldn't find the ball.
- Please pick up your blackboards.
Write the amount of fish and then minus that number from 30, and that's your time.
- Oh no. - So 10 fish, 10 seconds.
No, 10 fish, 20 seconds. - 10 fish would be 20 seconds.
Stop! Stop it!
- Stay in school, kids. - Oh sh...
- So, if I'm going four fish, no chips... - No chips?
- If I go four fish, no chips, how many seconds? - 26 seconds.
On the count of three, reveal your fish. One, two, three.
I love how Paul's entered 'angry teacher' phase.
- We're gonna thrown in order of the scoreboard.
Everyone except Alice, please take a seat on the bench.
Alice selected 15 fish and 15 seconds.
Begin.
Oh!
10 seconds.
Eight seconds.
Six seconds.
- Four seconds. - Oh no!
Oh no.
Alice scored two fish.
Up next ― Jackie van Beek.
Are you gonna do a backflip?
- Four fish, 26 seconds.
- This is her Olympics. - Three, two, one.
Fish.
Oh!
I forgot she can run.
- No. - No. - No.
- Do I have to come back up here? - You gotta thrown from there, yeah.
- Oh, I didn't know that! I didn't know that.
- 10 seconds.
Seven, six...
Oh...
- Go get them! - Go, Jackie!
- Jackie scored zero fish.
- Up next ― Jack Ansett. - Yep.
- Five fish, 25 seconds.
Three... - Let's do it. - ...two, one.
Fish.
Oh, for sake.
Yay!
- Pop 'em in. Pop 'em in. Just pop them in. Pop them in.
- You got 10 seconds. - Thanks.
- Don't panic. Don't panic!
- Two seconds. - Yo, I'll just chill.
Nice chilling. Nice chilling.
Jack scored two fish.
- Up next ― Bree Tomasel. - Oh, my turn. - Go, Bree.
- Bree selected 15 seconds and 15 fish.
Three, two,
one. Begin.
Ooh.
- A lot of gusto. - To the left. To the left.
To the right.
Oh!
One! Hey! Oh! - Three seconds.
- Oh, yay! You beauty! You beauty! - Oh, that was great.
- Bree scored two fish.
Last up ― Pax Assadi.
Pax selected 15 fish and 15 seconds.
Three, two,
one. Fish.
- LeBron. - Oh no.
Oh no.
Yes, Pax.
- Wow.
- What an arsehole.
- All right, everyone. Come on down, and we'll see how that's affected the scores.
All right, Paul. I am ready to find out who won the live task and who won the episode.
- OK, so in terms of fish, Jackie ― zero fish; Alice, Bree and Jack ― all two fish each;
and the winner with three fish out of three throws, Pax Assadi. - Incredible.
- Thank you. - He can't be stopped.
- One point for Jackie. - OK.
- Three points for Jack, Bree and Alice. And five points for Pax. - OK.
- Thank you, Taskmaster. - Yeah.
- Can I get that footage of me throwing fish, by the way? - It's gonna go on TV.
- Oh, yeah, cool. - Oh, right. Oh, cool. - Oh, yeah, sick, sick, sick.
- That means the winner of episode one with 17 points...
is Alice Snedden.
- Congratulations, Alice. Please head up to the stage
and enjoy your newfound street credentials. - Get up there, Alice.
- We are already 10% through the series, but what have we learned from episode one?
Well, we learned that Alice Snedden is one better than Barack Obama;
if you can't find a ball, then we haven't hidden it;
and most importantly, we've learned that the winner of episode one is Alice Snedden.
Ma te wa. We'll see you next time.
Leshgo.
You cannot get through this without crying.
- Aargh!
Oh, gidday, guys. Gidday, Paul. How's things?
- I miss my kids.
- Oh God.
I'm sorry about what happened.