(WHEEL CLICKS)
- Paul!
('TASKMASTER' THEME MUSIC)
(POP!)
(KEYS CLACK)
(LEAF BLOWER WHIRRS)
(PLAYS SCALE)
(KEYS CLACK)
(THWONG!)
- Yes!
- Hi, Mum.
- Au revoir!
- (ROARS)
(KEYS CLACK)
- Yah!
- Oh.
- No!
- Ha ha ha!
- (GASPS)
- Ah!
(STAMP THUDS)
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
(TYPEWRITER KEYS CLACK)
(DING!)
- Kia ora koutou katoa, and welcome to Taskmaster.
My name's Jeremy Wells. Join me in welcoming my five favourite comedians of the season.
Ladies and gentlemen ― Alice Snedden... (CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
...Bree Tomasel... (CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
...Jack Ansett... (CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
...Jackie van Beek... (CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
...and Pax Assadi. (CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
And beside me, a man who's asked me to adopt him so many times I've lost count,
an act that his real dad calls 'hurtful and generally upsetting'.
Ladies and gentlemen ― Paul Williams. (CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
- (PANTS)
Sorry I'm late. - I thought you were gonna be in the wheelie bin.
(LAUGHTER)
- Why would I be in a wheelie bin? (LAUGHTER)
No, I don't know why that's there. Sorry.
- OK.
What's tonight's prize task? - Pack up the car and throw me the keys.
Tonight, we've asked our contestants to bring in the best thing to take on a road trip.
- AUDIENCE: Ooh! - First, let's go to Bree.
- You look like a man who loves to run a clean a-nus. Am I right? - I try to.
- I knew it. Which is why I've brought in this.
(LAUGHTER)
That, Jeremy, is a portable bidet. - JACK: Oh.
- I didn't wanna bring in something that I haven't tested, and so if we can roll the clip.
- Oh.
Brianna, what's that? Oh, Brianna!
Oh! - It's a portable bidet.
- Oh, Brianna! - (LAUGHS)
Here. - LAUGHS: Get out of it.
Oh, where has that been? - (LAUGHS) Up my a-nus.
- Oh, Brianna!
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
- Speaking from experience, you can get the same result with your electric toothbrush.
- Jack...
what did you bring in? - I brought in my grandfather...
so that you can go through the carpool lane, yeah. Here he is. Um...
- For any viewers who aren't familiar, New Zealand has T2 lanes,
where you need two people in the car to be allowed to drive in them.
- Yeah. Should've mentioned that up the top, but...
- It's so important to be respectful of the dead, but you would get a ticket.
Jack... - Are you sure about that, Alice? - Yes, I'm sure.
- 100%. - Well, whoa this is exciting for me, because...
(LAUGHTER) ...I know for a fact you would not get a ticket,
because I asked Auckland Transport, and they sent me back a statement. Here it is.
READS: 'This is a pretty grey and dusty area.' (LAUGHTER)
'Incorrect use of a T2 lane can result in a $150 infringement fine.
'However, Auckland Transport likes to think outside the box,
'and we feel your grandad has probably earned the right...' (LAUGHTER)
- JACKIE: Oh, shocking. - '...to travel in a T2 lane.
'Safe travels, and it's nice to know your grandad has had a grave influence on your daily commute.'
- Wow. Amazing. - BREE: What the hell? - ALICE: No.
- Is that real? - Thank you. - I mean, that's bullshit.
- What was that again, Alice? - No. (LAUGHTER)
- Jackie, what'd you bring in?
- Well, I, Jeremy, love a road trip, and sometimes I just like to go A to B, so I like to take aCamelBak.
I'm also a tramper. I come from a family of trampers.
We have five of these so what I do... - PAX: Ooh.
- ...what I do is I attach the CamelBak if I'm driving, for example,
to the back of my driver's seat, just― so the thing's just dangling here, and I can just keepdrinking.
And then to the second picture, of course. We all wear one of these. (LAUGHTER)
So there is no reason to stop. It's an incontinence nappy.
The five of us will wear one of these when it's a destination journey.
- When did you stop being an underwear model, Jeremy?
- Oh, yeah. (LAUGHTER)
- What'd you bring in, Pax? - I brought this.
I panicked. (LAUGHTER)
You have kids? - Yes.
- How old are your kids? - 15 and 13.
- Are they still annoying? - Oh, absolutely.
- Yeah. They're particularly annoying on drives... - Sure.
- ...arguing, asking for shit ― like a cat.
(LAUGHTER)
Shut up.
This is a bad one. (LAUGHS) (LAUGHTER)
- OK, Alice. What'd you bring in? - So what I went with is, you know― I wanted something verypractical,
something that could solve any problem. What's the thing that can solve any problem?
- Google?
- Almost. It's fire.
(LAUGHTER)
So that is a flint or a fire starter.
You know, maybe as an exercise, you could ask me a sort of problem that might arise on theroad.
- Flat― Flat tyre. - Flat tyre. I've been thinking about this.
So you pull over to the side of the road. You start a little fire.
What brings more people to you than starting a fire?
Because, you know, your phone can die, your GPS can die, how―
- Your grandad. - Your grandad can die.
So I'm just saying there's something to be said for what I'm suggesting here.
- Look, I'm struggling to give out points here, but I guess I have to give out some points.
Pax, you get one for bringing in a spray bottle. - Yeah.
- Two for Alice. You're never gonna use those on a road trip.
I go three points for Bree for the portable bidet.
Four points for Jack, but it would have been easier just to get a friend to sit in your car in the T2 lane.
Five points to Jackie, because as a grown-up myself who has used a man-nappy...
- Yep. - ...there is something very, very pleasurable
about letting yourself go in a nappy as an adult. (LAUGHTER)
- Thank you, Jeremy. - So five points for Jackie. (APPLAUSE)
Paul, let's get to the first proper task of the show.
- Let's hit the club and have a ball.
(QUIRKY THEME MUSIC)
- Hi, Paul. - Hello, Bree.
- Great to see you.
- How are you this side of Christmas?
- Do I go down the stairs? - Just stay there, please. - Oh, OK.
- Where's the task?
- BREE: Ah, task is down there. - Yeah.
- You want me to... - Yes, please. - ...hoick it on up, eh, Paul?
- Oh.
- OK. (READS) 'Get the ball in the hole.'
- Where's the hole? - It's on the course.
- 'For every handbag that you are wearing when you get the ball in the hole,
'30 seconds will be deducted from your time.'
- 'If the ball goes off the course, Paul will place your ball back at the starting spot,
'and 90 seconds will be added to your time.'
- 'You may not leave this walkway.'
- 'Fastest wins. Your time starts now.'
Ohhhh.
- Don't get dizzy, Paul. - I won't.
- 'Get the ball in the hole.' Ah. Ah, where's the ball? Ah!
(LAUGHTER)
And what does the handbag mean? - All the information you need is in the task.
- I've dropped it. - I don't know what to tell you.
(APPLAUSE)
- So the basic idea is that you've got the golf club; it's going around and around.
You're trying to get the ball in the hole and try and pick up some bags and wear them at the same time.
- So simple.
- Who's handbag-wearing and golf club-swinging are we gonna see first, Paul?
- It's time for the two contestants we pay slightly more than the other three. It's Jack and Pax.
(LAUGHTER)
- Brilliant. OK. What's this ― a Gucci?
Ooh.
Heyyyy.
- Here we go.
Oh man, my perception is getting all out of whack.
- I'm gonna knock this this way first, and we'll see how that gets us.
- The ball's gone off the track. - Has it?
- Stay.
Nah. Nah!
- Aargh! No, I hit it too hard. Hit the bag and sta...
- AUDIENCE: Aww.
- No, no, no.
Oh, thank God.
- Go. Go. No!
Come on, whitey.
- AUDIENCE: Aw.
- Oh no.
Sorry about the flag.
(LAUGHTER)
- Aargh!
- Just calm control. Don't panic.
Don't panic.
Don't panic!
No.
- Do you have a supportive father? - Yes.
- Can you pretend to be him? And I'm you.
- You're playing golf are you, Paul? - Yeah, Dad, I am.
- You don't usually call me Dad. You call me Gary. - Sorry, Daddy.
- No, I... I don't... - Oh, you don't call him Daddy. - Definitely not.
- You're just guiding it. And you just stay calm and controlled. Just stay calm and controlled.
You just stay calm and controlled.
# Stay calm and controlled and don't lose the plot. #
- I'm really struggling, Daddy. - No ― Gary. - Gary. Daddy.
- Not Daddy. - My daddy, Gary. - No.
- And there, we're in. We're in.
- Oh yeah. Oh yeah!
Oh nooo! Nooo!
- (SCREAMS)
- I wanna cry.
- Can I cry?
(LAUGHTER)
Did I get you in the dick? - A little bit. - Good.
- Ooh, sorry. - That's OK. - I wouldn't hurt you deliberately.
- Yeah, who would do that?
- I'm not angry, by the way. I'm really happy. I'm really happy to be here. Please.
- I've stopped the clock.
- Come on. Yes!
Yes, yes!
Go! Go. Yes? Yes!
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
- I just wanna apologise for flinging a bag into your penis. - It seemed to do the trick.
- Honestly, seeing you in pain is the motivation I needed to finish this task.
- Thank you, Jack. - See ya.
- (SHRIEKS)
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
- Pax. Well, I noticed something about you. When you get frustrated, either you sing songs...
- Yeah, I sing songs, yeah. - ...or you scream.
- Yeah. It's a cultural thing. - Ah, right. - Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
- Is that also why you weren't putting handbags on?
Is that sort of a cultural thing? - No, that's a dumb-dumb thing. - Right, OK.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah. - It was interesting as well, because, genuinely...
- Yeah. - ...behind the scenes for the last few days you have been talking about
how you think if you just put a little bit more effort into your golf, you could turn pro.
- Oh, yeah! Yeah. - BREE: That's what you said― - I told you that in confidence!
- He said the same thing to me about basketball. - You... Yeah.
- So time-wise, they were actually incredibly close...
- Oh. - Oh, that's so annoying.
- ...but this is before any add-ons or subtractions. - Oh, yeah. Yeah.
- But their initial times ― Pax was 23 minutes, 47 seconds. (SOFT CHUCKLES)
- Oh, don't. Don't. - Jack... (LAUGHTER)
- Jack was 24 minutes, 43 seconds... - OK. - ...so just under a minute slower.
But then Pax was wearing zero handbags... - Mm.
- ...and he went into the water three times, which takes his total to 28.17.
- OK. - Jack went into the water three times as well,
but he was wearing seven handbags... - BREE: Ooh. - JACKIE: Wow.
- ...which takes his total to 25.43. - Respectable.
- Well... - JACK: Cheers, guys, yeah. - Pretty good, pretty good.
- JACKIE: Good. - Thank you, yes.
- All right. Stop right now. Thank you very much.
I need somebody to sell me some products. We'll see you after the break.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
- Nau mai, hoki mai. Welcome back to Taskmaster.
Before the break, our comedians were trying to play golf on a spinning platform several metres below them.
For every handbag they were wearing when they got the ball in the hole, time would be takenoff.
And every time they knocked the ball off the platform, time would be added.
- So far, Jack is in the lead with 25 minutes and Pax is in last with 28 minutes.
He refused to wear any handbags because of toxic masculinity. (LAUGHTER)
Up next ―
here's Bree and Alice.
- Alley-oop.
Thank you.
(REGGAE MUSIC)
Oh my God, what have you got in there?
(LAUGHTER)
- (GRUNTS)
- All righty, so then you just gotta put it in there.
- Shot.
- Oh God. This is gonna be a long wait around if I don't get it straight in this hole.
No! No!
- I feel like I'm doing a pretty good job. I can't imagine anyone kind of doing better.
(BLEEP). Shut up. (BLEEP).
Aargh!
(LAUGHTER)
- (GASPS) Oh. At least I look cool in all these tasks. That's the main thing.
- No! Stop it.
(BLEEP)!
- Ooh. Oh no.
- I don't love being shot from that angle, you know?
- From what angle? That― That― - Like, quite far down below.
Don't.
Stop it. Stop it.
- Oh, you bastard.
Oh!
It's not about the destination; it's about the journey and what you learn along the way.
- What have you learned along the way?
- That I'm not very good at a lot of these things. (LAUGHS)
- Can you go grab the ball for me and put it in the hole?
Stop. (LAUGHS)
(LAUGHTER)
- Into the water trap. - Yeah.
Ohhh nooo!
- (LAUGHS)
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
- I've stopped the clock.
- Yus!
See you, Paul. - Bye.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
- Bree, you were very handbag-focused.
- Yeah, I, at one point, was choking myself cos I'd put, like, three handbags around my neck.
And Paul kept telling me to put more on, and I think he liked it in some weird...
(LAUGHTER) ...fetish way.
- There's a whole community of us. (LAUGHTER)
Should we look at times?
Bree's initial time ― 15.54.
- What?! - JACKIE: Ooh, wow. - ALICE: Amazing.
- She was wearing five bags total when she sunk the ball, and she went into the water once,
for a total of 14.54.
- Wow. - Happy. Happy. (CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
- Very nice.
- Then, Alice ―
she went into the water zero times... - Ooh.
- ...and was wearing nine bags... - Wow.
- ...meaning her total time was 6.34.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE) - Are you shitting me? You could go pro.
- I-Icouldgo pro. - You could. (LAUGHTER)
- I'm real (BLEEP)ed off right now. (LAUGHTER)
- One more goal for Paul. - Correct, Jeremy. Last but not least, it's Jackie van Beek.
- Um... OK.
Oh man.
Oh man!
Come on!
- Ooh. You're going the other way. - I'm trying to play the long game, cos now I'm gonna focuson bags.
Don't tell me that went into the... - It's getting quite close.
- Oopsies. We've got a bag in the moat.
Don't let that go into the moat. - I have some good news and some bad news.
- Yeah. - Good news is your ball didn't go into the moat.
The bad news ― climate change is real.
- Do not talk to me unless you're being useful. Could you put a few more balls down?
- No, sorry. - Just so I've got a few more options.
(LAUGHTER)
- OK. Don't worry, Paul. Don't worry about it. - Sorry, the balls all spilled.
(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)
- OK, just relax, Paul. Don't touch those ones! Don't touch those ones!
I think it's about confidence. - Definitely.
- Yeah. What I've learnt is it's not all about confidence.
- It's maybe partly about aim and skill. - It's also aim and skill.
(PLAYFUL CLARINET MUSIC)
This is it.
That was it. That was it.
That was it. I think I got the ball in the hole of the moat.
A 'hole' lot of fun. What a 'hole' lot of fun and 'one' old time, we had. Hole in one.
'Hole in one' long, long afternoon of fun. Let's stop the clock. - OK, so you're happy withthat?
- Very, very happy. - OK, thank you.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
- Did I not complete the task? - JACK: No, I don't think so.
- Oh no. I didn't remember that. (LAUGHTER)
- Her logic was that she got a hole in one in the sense that she had a 'hole' lot of fun in'one'...
- BOTH: ...afternoon. (LAUGHTER)
- And good for you, Jackie. Good for you. - Thank you so much, Jeremy.
- Yeah, so how long did Jackie take to not do the task?
- She only attempted the task for 15 minutes and 42 seconds.
- Oh. - PAX: That's it?! - You were like, 'Had enough.'
- We were there half an hour. - That's it?! - I think I was hungry.
I'm trying to remember because I have a very fast metabolism, and when I need to eat―
so I don't get nasty like these guys get. ― Sports should be for everyone.
- Except Jackie. - Except Jackie.
- Hey! I do community hip-hop every Tuesday, 6.30 to 7.30. (LAUGHTER)
I do!
I'm a fantastic sports person. - (SCREAMS)
- The amount of times you have brought up the fact that you do community hip-hop...
- I do! - She was doing it out the back.
- Yeah. Every single day I hear about how you do community hip-hop. - Yeah, because Ido.
- She was like, 'pop, lock.' - Yeah that stuff, all that stuff. (LAUGHTER)
- I'm ready to score it, Paul. - So Jackie did not complete the task.
- No. Zero points, cos if you don't complete the task, you get zero points. That's the rule.
But Pax should get two. And then we go three for Jack, four for Bree... - OK.
- ...and five for Alice Snedden. - Girl. Whoo! - Well done.
- All right, how are the scores looking so far, Paul? - Unbelievably tight.
- Mm? - We have a three-way tie. All on seven ― Alice, Bree, and Jack.
- Oh, yus. - Aw, nice.
- BREE: Nice, guys. - It's anyone's game.
- All right, should we have another task, Paul? - We sure should, Jeremy.
It's time for the ooooold razzle-dazzle.
(GRAND, QUIRKY THEME MUSIC)
- Hello. - Gidday. - Hi.
- I'm Alice. - Gidday. - Bree.
- Huh. - I'm Jill.
- Nice to meet you. - And I'm Alan.
- Nice to meet you. - JACK: Yeah. - Lovely to meet you.
- My grandfather's name was Alan. - That's nice. - That's a good story.
- Well, this is awkward. (LAUGHS) - Oh, we should― Oh, we should― we should open this.
- Do these belong to you? - Don't think so. - No?
- OK. (READS) 'Dazzle these senior citizens.'
- Are you comfortable being called that? - Well, it's true.
- Oh, OK, all right.
- I'd say you're uni students. - (GROANS)
- 'Most dazzled senior citizens wins.'
- 'You have 30 minutes to prepare...'
- '...and one minute to dazzle.'
- 'Your time starts now.'
- I think we should leave you guys to prepare.
- Get them out of here. - Please. Thank you. - Please. Please leave.
- How do you feel about Kendrick Lamar? - Hey, don't listen to that, please.
Don't answer that. - OK. - Never heard of her.
(APPLAUSE)
- Jack, I could be wrong here, but you seem genuinely frightened by those senior citizens,
and then you yelled at them and told them to leave.
- No, I mean, I was quite confident I was gonna nail this task,
cos I've been hanging out with two senior citizens all day.
- Oh, come on. (LAUGHTER)
- Which team's up first, Paul? - Let them entertain you. It's Alice and Bree.
- Do you know what I think my parents are always, like, quite impressed by ―
my proficiency with technology. - Ooh.
- Like, maybe if we got a big TV and we mirrored something to it.
(LAUGHTER)
All we need, then, is a big-screen TV... - OK.
- ...an iPad, a bunch of photos of Jill and Alan. Could you give them a 10-minute tour of the house?
- This is the, um, bar area.
- And we'll hide and surreptitiously take photos of them.
- JILL: This is nice. - It's the outdoor bathtub. - ALAN: Wow.
- This is the caravan. Gets quite hot in the summer. - I'll bet.
- And this is the shed. We've got trophies and drums, golf. Basically, it's got it all.
That's kind of all we have time for.
- Razzle-dazzle, baby.
- Have a seat, please, and prepare to be dazzled.
- Hi. Hi, Jill. Hi, Alan. - Hi again. Hi. - Hello.
- Now, do you guys happen to have a phone on ya?
- Just one here. - Wow. Look at that. OK. So I'm gonna show you how to AirDrop something.
- AirDrop? - Wow. Check that out.
- Do I accept or decline? - Please accept.
Now look at that. - Wow.
- What did you get, Alan? - My back. - Wow. And if you swipe across...
Oh, Jill's back. - Oh, there's Jill there. Yeah.
- They've just gone from Alice's phone into Alan's phone. Just like that.
Now, that should be enough to dazzle you, I know. But there's more.
What I'm about to do is take something that is on my laptop,
and with one cable and this adapter, I'm gonna transfer it to the TV.
- Whoa. - Wow.
- I mean, I don't know about you, but I feel razzled and also dazzled.
- And then we can just take this with us anywhere else.
- And so now, we can go put this on another TV, can't we?
- We can. - We probably won't, but we could. - Yeah.
- Thank you.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
- Whoa.
- You were treating Jill and Alan like they'd been beamed in from medieval times...
- Jeremy. - ...that would be amazed at the fact that you could do Bluetooth magic.
- These are people who have presumably survived the war. (LAUGHTER)
- Which war exactly? - Name any of them. (LAUGHTER)
Technology has advanced well beyond what they were certainly used to.
- Alan did tell me he knew how to screen share his computer. - Paul― Shut up, Paul.
- He watches football matches on the TV. - We don't need that.
- OK, it's time for some ads. And if you're anything like Bree and Alice, you'll probably enjoythem,
because they think it's dazzling to put literally anything on the television.
(LAUGHTER) We'll see you after this. (CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
- Nau mai ano. Welcome back to Taskmaster.
Before the break, our comedians were trying to dazzle some senior citizens,
something we're always keen to do here at Taskmaster,
because they're a valuable demographic for network television. (LAUGHTER)
- Up next ― attempting to dazzle Jill and Alan, it's the Jacks and Pax.
- They wanna be dazzled. They wanna be impressed by us. What skills do we have betweenus?
- I can do one card trick. - Well? - Yep.
- I can eat an entire raw onion.
- OK. It's a one minute...
variety show.
- Are you ready?
(CABARET MUSIC)
(LAUGHTER)
- (LAUGHS)
(JOLLY SEA SHANTY MUSIC)
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
- I want you to pick a card. Any card. OK, now look at it and remember it, OK?
Yes. And now I want you to push it in there. Give it a big push.
And I'm gonna give it the big Gigolo Jack smack. Bang!
And now, is that your card? - That is! (LAUGHS)
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
- Please put these on for safety.
One...
raw...
onion.
Behold, mother nature's...
onion.
- Also just known as an onion. - It's an onion.
Holy shit. I really regret this.
(LAUGHTER)
(COUGHS, SPLUTTERS)
An onion.
(LAUGHTER)
(COUGHS)
- AUDIENCE: Aw.
- I'm done. - Well, uh...
- And that was the show.
We thank you for coming. Yeah. Get up. Get up. - (COUGHS)
- And to yourselves.
You only ate half of it. - (COUGHS)
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
- Wow. Beautiful introduction there, Jackie. - Thank you.
- I could see― I think I knew what you were doing there.
You were channelling Debbie Dorday from Burgundy's.
- No, no, no. She was channelling community hip-hop. - That was― Yeah.
It was kind of community hip-hop cabaret. - And did you see Alan's face?
Because when Jackie started dancing, he thought Jackie was going to strip. (LAUGHTER)
I saw his eyes.
- That was razzling. That was razzling.
- He was hopeful that he was gonna see Jackie's tits. - Yeah.
- I would've shown him my tits if I thought... that―
- You should've shown him your tits. - BREE: Me too.
Get him in. Get him in now. - Get him in. - We'll do it now.
We'll razzle-dazzle the (BLEEP) out of that guy. (LAUGHTER)
- Well, I mean, I'm here to― I'm here to judge the task.
I seriously thought this team here, I thought for this whole series,
I think they're just destined to lose every single team task.
This is one of the great redemption stories of Taskmaster. - JACK: Oh wow.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
- Two points for you guys. Five points for the team of three. - Yes!
- Wow! Wow! - Gutted.
- I love you. - Yes, I love you.
- I love you. - And you'll remember that. - Bullshit.
- I say we― I say we get out Pax's onion and you guys cry us a (BLEEP)ing river.
(LAUGHING, APPLAUSE) - That's my boy. That's my boy. - Thank you. Yes.
- That's my boy. - Thank you. Yes!
- OK. - Eat a dick.
- All right. - Oh my God, Jack. - OK.
I'm ready for another task, Paul. - You got it, Jeremy. Domino is a Latin word meaning 'to the master'.
So as the assistant domino, it brings me great joy
to present to you a task involving a fellow domino.
(QUIRKY THEME MUSIC)
- Hey. - Hello, Alice.
- Hi, Paul.
- You're right here, Paul. - Mm-hm.
Hello, Pax.
Jack. - Dominoes.
(DOMINO FALLS) - Was I meant to do that?
- Never know what's part of it, do you?
(LAUGHTER)
- READS: 'Knock over the domino in the lab.'
- 'You must be on this spot when you begin your attempt.'
- 'You may only touch one thing during your attempt.' What?!
- 'You may not move the domino or the starting spot.'
- 'Longest time between the attempt beginning...'
- '...and the domino falling wins.'
- So you want it to be slow? Very slow. - Mm-hm.
- 'You have 40 minutes or until you successfully knock over the domino.'
- 'Your time starts now.' Where is the domino? In the lab. - Mm-hm.
- OK, well, I'm gonna go to the lab. - OK.
- You can just say 'beep' if that's a really bad idea. - OK.
I could also just say, 'That's not a good idea.'
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
- OK, Paul. So it seems to me that this task has been carefully created to get our contestants
to set up a series of dominoes that go all the way from the second floor, down the stairs, intothe lab.
Is that right? - Yes ― to knock over the large domino in the lab.
- Who are we gonna see first? - Attempting to knock over a dom-ino, it's Bree Dom-asel.
- Do we have―? Do we have a set of dominoes?
(WHEEZES) That's not gonna be enough, Paul.
Dominoes with things that aren't dominoes.
This is the plan. - Books? - Books is the plan.
Just be careful, Paul.
Aw.
It works.
I can throw a ball.
Paul. - Yes. - New plan.
Try and get the books down here, and then I'm gonna start pinging balls down here to hit it.
- OK.
- That the Bible?
Good Catholic girl. The Bible wouldn't screw me over, would it?
Oh.
No, no, no, no, no!
Oh, shit. It was the freaking Bible. I knew Jesus hated me.
If my physics are right, it should hit this and hit those books. Are we ready?
For New Zealand!
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
What happened? (LAUGHS)
- AUDIENCE: Awwww.
- You gotta be kidding me, Paul.
You ready? - Ready.
- It's gone over the top again, Paul. Hold on.
(LAUGHTER)
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
You're joking. I'm happy with that. - OK.
- See you, Paul. - Thank you, Bree.
(WHISTLING, APPLAUSE)
- So how long did it take Bree? - From the start of her attempt... - Mm-hm.
- ...launching the ball, to the domino falling over in the lab ― 21 seconds.
- JACKIE: Wow. - AUDIENCE: Ooh. - I'll take it.
- So the longer the better, so 21 seconds ― not bad. - At this point, it's the best.
- All right, just as one falling domino must lead to the fall of another,
so too must the end of one part of Taskmaster lead to an ad break. We'll see you after this.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
- Tena tatou katoa. Welcome back to Taskmaster, where five comedians are giving up their dignity
in the hopes of winning some adult nappies and a dead man's ashes. (LAUGHTER)
Where were we, Paul?
- Our comedians were attempting to knock over the domino in the lab, starting on the stairs.
The goal is to take as long as possible from your attempt starting to the domino fallingover.
So far, we've seen Bree knock over the domino with a b-ball and the B-ble.
(LAUGHTER)
The Bible. Up next...
it's Pax and Jackie.
- I need to blindfold you.
(GRUNTS) Can you see?
- No. - OK.
- So all I need ―
a very thin,
invisible fishing line.
- And stop.
Handrail is here.
Wait there.
- It's almost invisible. - It is isn't it?
- Yeah. I can see how fish fall for it.
(LAUGHTER)
- All right.
- OK. - OK.
- I'm starting...
now.
- One step forward.
- I'm still trying.
God, it's taking ages.
- Now stop.
Now, tell me...
your five favourite films.
- Is this part of the attempt? - Yeah.
- Taking so long. Are you still there? - Yes.
Number three ― Home Alone 2: Lost in New York.
- OK, it's starting to become a bit taut.
- And stop.
Rank bread,
rice, pasta...
noodles or potato?
- It's really tough. - I know, it is really tough.
- How long's that been, so far? - I can't say.
- No, well... just, like, how― has it been over a minute? - I can't say, sorry.
- Now open the curtain in front of you.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
Kick your left leg forward fast.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
Finished.
- Very clever.
- With the fishing line, I think the question is ― so, where does the attempt start?
- So she was claiming when she started the motion, that was the start, and when the domino fell―
- Yes, because I very carefully, carefully left slack all the way up.
- Is it technically touching the domino to be touching something that's touching the domino?
- Ohhh. - Whoa.
- Just out of interest... - BREE: Yes, Alice. - ...I have no horse in this race.
- Well, you do have a horse. - Well, you do ― your own horse.
- Well, then, as a person with a horse in the race, does it count? (LAUGHTER)
- We'll get to that, I think, at the judging time, and we'll work that out.
Pax, why were you asking him those questions on the way down? - Just curious.
- Oh. - Your list for the five carbs... - Mm.
- ...I remember it being weird. - I was ranking them based on, on their own without...
so rice, like, without a curry. - I just thought...
- By that logic, I thought potatoes could be a French fry. - OTHERS: Mmm.
- I love it when white people sync up. (LAUGHTER)
- Would you like to know their times?
- Love to hear their times, thanks, Paul.
- So, Jackie's attempt took one minute, 12 seconds. - Mm-hm.
- Pax ― 8.32. - OTHERS: Wow.
- Nice. (APPLAUSE)
- Whoa. - Well done.
- OK, whose domino descent are we seeing next, Paul?
- Will they dominate the dominoes or will they domi-not? It's Alice and Jack.
- Oh wow. It's a big 'un.
- OK. Hold that there, would you? - OK.
- Can you stretch to hold this one as well, do you reckon? - No.
- All right, I'm going to the shed to look for some equipment.
- (SIGHS) OK.
- I get a ball and then we make a trail, maybe.
- This would slowly fill with water and push that out there.
- All right, we're just gonna start bringing some balls into the house.
- Tub there.
- What's the wheelbarrow for? - It's gonna have all the balls in it.
- Do you wanna go stand on the balcony? I'll throw the hose at you. - Uh-huh.
Ooh, I touched it. - (SIGHS)
Yes!
- I am going to do a tester.
- Shit.
- Not ideal. OK.
- Can you give me a hand with this? Tell me if you need a break.
I need a break.
(LAUGHTER)
- So you want it to be a ramp on the stairs? - Spectacular.
- OK, let's have a test run, eh? - OK.
- Geronimo!
- (SIGHS)
- Did any go through that door? - No. - Aw.
- I'm feeling deflated.
- Taking some more.
- All right, I'll do a test.
- Noooo!
- (BLEEP)! - What happened? - I lost my cool. I'm sorry.
- You've got five minutes.
- Got a last-minute idea. (LEAF BLOWER WHIRRS) There we go.
- I'll start the hose on your signal.
- What's my signal? - You yell to me. - OK.
- Are you at the hose? - Alice?
Alice? - Yeah.
- What are you doing? - I'm waiting for you to put the hose on.
- I'm waiting for the signal. - The signal's now.
- Well, yell when the signal is― - Paul, I said hose!
- Come on! All the way! All the way!
- AUDIENCE: Aw.
- OK. One more try.
- Oh, Paul, it's starting to flood.
(LAUGHTER)
- 17 seconds.
- I touched the hose.
I've released the ball.
(LAUGHTER) (BLEEP)!
- Come on. No!
- (BLOWS WHISTLE)
- I think that's the end of my attempt.
- What happened? - It's hard to describe exactly where I went wrong,
but I think at multiple stages, over and over again.
- Thank you, Alice. - Thank you, Paul.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
- Both of you started with quite lofty ideas of how you were going to do it, and in the end,
it boiled down to a pretty simple idea of just kicking a ball down and hoping that it ran over the domino.
- I think we should focus on the fact that the task was knock over the domino,
longest attempt...
wins.
I rest my case. (LAUGHTER)
- Alice, I enjoyed when you were carrying the table and you said to Paul,
'If ever you're looking for a break, just y...' And then you immediately needed a break.
(LAUGHTER)
- I just wanted to introduce the concept of a break. (LAUGHS) (LAUGHTER)
- So those guys didn't finish the task?
- Yes. So Alice and Jack failed to knock over the dominoes. - Yeah.
- Bree ― 21 seconds.
Jackie ― one minute, 12 seconds.
Pax ― eight minutes and 32 seconds.
- OK, so in terms of the scoring, it's zero for Alice, zero for Jack, cos they didn't complete the task.
Three for Bree, four for Jackie, five for Pax Assadi. (APPLAUSE)
Right. It's time for a break, but don't go anywhere,
because when we come back, it's the moment we've all been waiting for ―
the incredible event we've been building towards for years.
That's right. It's the 57th live task of Taskmaster New Zealand. See you soon.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
- Kia ora ano. Welcome back to Taskmaster.
If you're just joining us, I hope you're a fan of live tasks, because that's the only bit we'vegot left.
But before we get there, Paul, could you give us a scoreboard update, please?
- In first place with 14 points, Jackie van Beek. (CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
- Head on up to the stage for the live task, everyone. Let's get into it.
(QUIRKY THEME MUSIC)
Right, who's reading out the task this time, Paul? - Jackie van Beek.
- Ooh, dear. (LAUGHTER)
- Do― Do you want me to um... I can bite it off.
- Aargh, I'm gonna get these off. I'm gonna get these off. (GRUNTS)
READS: 'Unbox the box and deliver its contents to the sandbox.
'You must correctly wear your boxing gloves throughout.
'First to unbox the items and deliver it to the sandbox wins.' - On my whistle.
(BLOWS WHISTLE) (AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS)
- JACK: Ah. I've got it! I've got it!
I don't have it.
I think I've got it.
- BREE: Oh, Paul, you bastard!
- Oh, there's more than one! There's more than one! - PAX: Where is it?
(SPITS) Oh, did I... Oh! - Oh, Jesus.
Can you guys play by the rules? - Oh, there's multiple! I thought there was one.
No! - Oh no.
(LAUGHTER)
- (GRUNTS)
- Oh, they're real eggs!
(LAUGHTER)
- Pax. - PAX: What? - Don't be a bully.
- Don't talk to me...
you― you dumb-dumb head. (LAUGHTER)
- PAUL: Pax, that's what a bully would say.
- Shut up, four-eyes. - OK, up on stage, please. - (PANTS)
- Is that mine?
SIGHS: Oh.
- Take it down, Bree. Finish the task.
- ALICE: I'm sorry, Bree. - PAX: What? - Do you need...
- BREE: I got it. - You got it.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
- Oh, Bree. (CHEERING) - Shot, Bree.
- Come on down, and we'll score it. (CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
- OK, so two of our contestants did not get all four eggs into the sandbox.
- There was four. - Pax got three out of four eggs. Bree ― only two out of four eggs.
Of the other three, it's about the fastest. Jackie ― 22 seconds. (AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS)
- Happy with that. - Alice ― 19 seconds. - Ooh.
- Unhappy― Unhappy with that. - You're taking the piss. - Jack ― 40 seconds.
(LAUGHTER)
- Dun-dun, errr.
- So that means one point for Bree, two points for Pax, three points for Jack, four points for Jackie,
and five points for Alice Snedden. (CHEERING, APPLAUSE) - OK! So...
should we have a sneaky little peek, Paul, at the series scores? - Of course.
Out in first with 111 points ― Jackie van Beek. - CONTESTANTS: Whoa!
- Nice, Jackie. - Crazy. - How does she do it?
- So, who has won this episode, though, Paul?
- That means the winner of episode seven with a monster 18 points, it's Jackie van Beek.
- Whoa, yeah! - Congratulations, Jackie. - Yeah, Jackie!
- PAX: Get up there. - Go and collect your excellent road trip items
and be sure to have the best possible drive home. Another episode filled with incredible lessons.
We've learnt that Jackie Van Beek is an adult hip-hopper... (LAUGHTER)
...and no one's crotch is safe around Pax and a golf club.
And most importantly, we've learnt that Jackie Van Beek is the winner of episode seven.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE) We'll see you next time. Ka kite ano. Goodnight.
- Yeah!
- Me. My grandad.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
(PARTY HORNS BLARE)
- JACK READS: Perform a party trick.
- Oh, yeaaaah.
- I just wanted to get those choozies and just...
- (GRUNTS)
- Bingo!
- I will never forgive you.
- Rose Matafeo's fallen on hard times.
- Huh?
- I know for a fact she's not fallen on hard times.