(WHEEL CLICKS)
- Paul!
('TASKMASTER' THEME MUSIC)
(POP!)
(KEYS CLACK)
(LEAF BLOWER WHIRRS)
(PLAYS SCALE)
(KEYS CLACK)
(THWONG!)
- Yes!
- Hi, Mum.
- Au revoir!
- (ROARS)
(KEYS CLACK)
- Yah!
- Oh.
- No!
- Ha ha ha!
- (GASPS)
- Ah!
(STAMP THUDS)
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
(TYPEWRITER KEYS CLACK)
(DING!)
- Nau mai, haere mai, and welcome to the most important event in the televisual calendar,
the series finale of Taskmaster.
My name is Jeremy Wells, and once again,
we find ourselves marvelling at these five deeply weird human beings.
Over the past nine episodes, we've seen them fall and rise, but mostly fall.
Soon it will be all over,
and you can once again go on Reddit and complain about how I score things.
(LAUGHTER)
Just let me say, I don't care, and I never will, because I am the Taskmaster.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
And tonight we'll find out which of our five comedians will go home with this ―
the golden Taskmaster trophy. (AUDIENCE EXCLAIM)
The other four will leave with nothing but memories that they'll never forget,
no matter how hard they try.
Here to win my magnificent golden bust for the last time,
please welcome Alice Snedden... (CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
...Bree Tomasel... (CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
...Jack Ansett... (CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
...Jackie van Beek... (CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
...and Pax Assadi. (CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
By my side, a man who will gorge himself on nuts, berries and salmon
right after we finish this episode and then go into hibernation until we start filming series seven.
It's Paul Williams! (CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
- Jeremy, what I've decided to do is a huge stunt.
- Oh. - OTHERS: Ooh.
- The producers said, 'Paul, don't risk it. Your body is too fragile.' (LAUGHTER)
But I'm gonna do it.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE) - BREE: Yeah!
- I need a run up.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
Whoa.
(APPLAUSE CONTINUES) - (CHORTLES)
- Wow. And I'm not hurt at all.
- Is that it? - Yeah, yeah. No, that's it.
- Is that all you need me for? - Yeah, yeah.
Go. (CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
- JACK: Wow. (BREE LAUGHS)
- Thanks, Tom. (LAUGHTER)
- Let's get to it. What prize task did we ask our contestants to bring in tonight?
- The best thing that rhymes with 'information'.
Mm. - (MOUTHS) - OK.
Jackie. - Now, I don't know if I have mentioned this,
but I did an undergraduate degree at Victoria University specialising in linguistics.
- JACK: Did you? - So for me, this is the dream prize task.
Knowing that Jeremy is going to judge this on the purest rhyme, I... have offered up this.
Shin. (LAUGHTER)
- OK.
So you've rhymed information... - Yes. - ...and shin.
So you just cut the end of information off, and then―
- It's like cutting a foreskin off and then trying to put it back on. - What?!
- Pax, what did you bring in? - (LAUGHS)
I've brought my foreskin. No, I haven't. (LAUGHTER)
What I have noticed with you, oh, Grand Poobah, is that you like risk.
So what I've done is I've actually put my marriage at risk. - JACK: Oh.
- I've rhymed information with documentation,
and I have brought...
my daughter's actual birth certificate. (AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS)
- This is an interesting prize because it's incredibly valuable to your family...
- Deeply. - ...but absolutely worthless to everybody else.
(LAUGHTER) - Can I just point out his marriage was already on the rocks before...
- And doesn't that increase the jeopardy? Literally― OK. I was leaving to come to Taskmaster,
and my wife said to me, 'You didn't take the birth certificate, did you?'
And I said, 'No.' (LAUGHTER)
- Alice.
- Well, Jeremy, I know you love Helsinki, so I've brought in a Fin vacation.
(AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS)
- So that's an actual ticket? - Yeah, that's a genuine ticket.
It does, unfortunately, leave from London, so you do have to make your way there.
(LAUGHTER)
- How much was the ticket? - Is that relevant? (LAUGHTER)
It was £29.
- Bree, what have you brought in? - Jeremy something I know about you is you're a feminist,
and I love that about you. Which is why... what rhymes with information?
It's the ultimate symbol of divine creation.
Lactation.
- JACK: Oh. Wow. (LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)
- So, is thisyourbreast milk? - That is a great question, Jeremy. I've got it here.
- Oh God.
- You can actually buy anything on Facebook Marketplace these days. (LAUGHTER)
Sarah in Te Atatu, thank you so much. Cheers. (AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS)
(COUGHS) It's sour. - It's actually delicious.
I'd― I'd love some. - You're gonna have a hoon? - PAX: Wow. OK.
- I tell ya... (CHEERING)
- Get in there, Jeremy.
Get in! - Oh! Down the hatch. (APPLAUSE, CHEERING)
- Ma-ma. (SUCKS TEETH) - I feel like she's been eating dal. (LAUGHTER)
- Jack. - Yeah. Do you know what a Lynn formation is, Jeremy?
- No. - I gathered a bunch of women called Lynn...
outside Lynn Mall... (LAUGHTER)
...and got them to stand in formation.
There they are, there. Yeah. (CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
Thank you. Yeah.
- Very nice. - Yeah. Incredibly difficult to organise.
- So whoever wins this episode takes home the Lynns?
- Absolutely.
- Can I just say that I am so deeply impressed with all of the efforts,
but I do actually think if we're looking at monetary value for the prize,
I mean, the mannequin leg, £129 wins the― - Jackie, you're getting one point.
- Oh, come on! - You chopped the end of a shin off. (AUDIENCE GROANS)
- Do you know how expensive divorce is gonna be? (LAUGHTER)
- It's going to cost me thousands.
- It is going to cost you thousands, because you got two points for that too.
- (GROANS) No!
- Three points for you, Alice. I would have given you more points if you had a return flightin there.
Four points for Bree, because I love a bit of breast milk. - Oh, me too.
- But I got to say, the Lynns ― inspired. Well done, Jack. Five points for Jack.
- Thank you, Jeremy. Wow. - JACKIE: A beautiful effort. A really beautiful effort.
- And could we get a season score update, please, Paul?
- In first place with 150 points, it's Jackie van Beek. (CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
- But it's close. It's close.
OK, I'm ready for the first proper task of the last episode of the season, Paul.
- It's time to go pig or go home.
(QUIRKY THEME MUSIC)
- Hello, Jackie. - Hi, Paul.
- Ooh! Arts and crafts.
- Oh, it's an egg.
- (LAUGHS WHEEZILY)
READS: 'Protect the pig.'
- 'You may not move the pig.'
- 'You may only use one of the building materials on the plinths.' Ah, I see.
- 'If you build with the straws, the big bad wolf will arrive in 18 minutes.'
Ooh, I like the sound of that.
- 'If you build with the sticks, the big bad wolf will arrive in 12 minutes.'
- 'And if you build with the bricks―' They're not even bricks; that's just polystyrene.
- 'The big bad wolf will arrive in six minutes.'
- What are you gonna do to the pig?
- I'm not gonna do anything. The big bad wolf, though, I can't speak for. - (CHUCKLES)
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
- Jackie, have you had some experience with the big bad wolf in the past?
Some kind of sexual experience with him, her or they?
- No. No, I just thought― - You seemed kind of turned on by it.
- No, I'm a team player. I was like, I want― I'd love me and the wolf to kind of do this together.
I think maybe I got the wrong end of the stick there. - Yeah.
- OK. Should we have a look at them? - First up, it's Jack, Bree and Alice.
- I'm probably gonna go for the sticks.
- I'll go sticks.
- The straws.
- OK.
- It's been a while since I used a hot glue gun.
- Oh shit. Ow! - Try and avoid touching the glue.
- Ah! Ah!
- Ow! That one was hot. Worth it.
- Aargh! - Are you OK? - Yeah. Just general pain.
- What's the general pain? - Just trying to focus on something really hard
with you asking me really annoying questions.
- Ow! Ooh! Ow!
- We're going to go for a big amount across the top.
- What's this you're doing? - Kind of creating a hot barrier.
- This has really not gone according to plan.
- (BLOWS WHISTLE) Tools down.
- Right. Bring on the wolf.
- Don't move. - I don't have a good feeling.
- This is terrifying.
Oh. - Big bad wolf ready for launch.
Three. - Paul, what is that?!
- Two. - You don't have to do this.
- One. - What is it, Paul? Is it a water balloon?
(GROANS IN SLO-MO)
- There's people you can talk― (GROANS IN SLO-MO)
- SLO-MO: Is it a water balloon?
(AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS, LAUGHS)
- SLO-MO: There's people you can talk― (GROANS)
- He's all right. - You think so? - I think he's just having a nap.
- Are you happy with that? - No.
- Don't touch that. - I was gonna go bury it.
- You want to bury the egg? - Well, I kind of want closure.
Would you like to say a few words, Paul?
- Rest in peace, pig. I'm sorry that the builder of your house didn't build a more solidhouse.
- Amen. - Amen. - Amen.
- Thank you, Jack.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
- You guys know the story of The Three Little Pigs? The whole idea of the story is that the―
that the sticks and the straw don't protect the pigs. - Is it?
- Oh my God, it is! - The Big Bad Wolf comes and huffs and puffs and blows the sticks
and blows down the straw and... - But I thought they all go down to the market.
- No, that's― that's a different group of pigs. (LAUGHTER)
- I― I didn't stand a chance.
- Well, it's time for an ad break, but don't be gone too long.
You know how your mother and I worry about you. We'll see you soon. (CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
(QUIRKY THEME MUSIC)
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
- Hoki mai ano. Welcome back to Taskmaster.
What were we doing, Paul?
- The contestants are building a house to protect the egg pig from the big bad water balloonwolf.
- OK, who's up next? - Aspiring architects Assadi and van Beek.
- I'm going sticks.
Oh, no. I'm going bricks.
- The bricks, purely because I would like to meet the wolf asap.
- Your time starts...
- ...now.
- Six minutes.
- I wonder if I should just wait for the wolf and then do the task when he or she arrives.
- Um, that might be tough.
- Ah! This is hot glue. - Yeah, yeah, that'll burn ya.
- This is not good, Paul.
I chose the wrong material.
- You've got 4.50. - (INHALES, EXHALES SHARPLY)
- (GROANS)
- OK, it's turbo time. - So is this turbo time? - This is turbo time.
- How much time? - 33 seconds.
OK. What is this, a decoy? - This is a decoy. That's right. I'm building a house.
- As soon as there's five seconds, tell me.
- What are you gonna do in that last five seconds? - I'm gonna knock you out.
Ahh! - Five seconds.
(BLOWS WHISTLE) Hands off!
You've gone with your classic decoy house. - Yep.
- Stand on the mat, please.
- Oh no. That's not a wolf. - It is a wolf.
- (GROANS)
(THWONG!)
(GROANS IN SLO-MO)
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
It just looks like I've aggressively pissed my pants.
I was, like, making it a sprinkler. (IMITATES SPRINKLER)
- Oh my gosh! Look at it.
Oh, hello! You're fine.
- The pig is alive.
- The pig is safe!
- My pleasure, little one.
- The pig is safe!
It feels good. Do you want to try it? - HALF-HEARTEDLY: The pig is safe.
- Come on, man. Really let it go. - SLIGHTLY LOUDER: The pig is safe.
- Try one more time. - SIMILARLY: The pig is safe. - So pathetic.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
- Pax, is it hard when you complete a task so successfully
and then you don't have anybody to celebrate with? - Yeah, it's a real letdown.
I'm also shocked that I did so well in that task, because, genuinely,
all I could think about was how, like, a couple of weeks before,
my wife and I were doing The Big Bad Wolf and Little Red Riding Hood's grandma but in the bedroom.
(SCATTERED LAUGHTER) - JACK: Wow.
- That's, like, a variation of our usual, which is refugee and UN agent. That's what we normally―
(LAUGHTER) - JACKIE: That's hot. That's hot. - That's hot, though.
- That's hot. Yeah. - That is hot. - Yeah.
My application is usually denied, but, um... - (CHUCKLES) Yeah, I bet it is.
So, we've got Jackie and Pax both saved the pig.
And then obviously Alice, Bree and Jack killed the pig.
I think you guys still deserve some points, because you built a structure,
and I think the structures were quite good. I reckon two points for Alice.
Two points for Bree. Two points for Jack.
And I think five points for Jackie. Five points for Pax.
- Nice. - Very nice. (CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
We'll take that. - So, a good time to have some episode scores, I reckon, about now.
- In first equal, it's Jack Ansett and Pax Assadi.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE) - Oh, boys night. - Wow.
- How about another task, Paul? - Sure thing, Jeremy. This skat si a tillet rickty.
(GOTHIC THEME MUSIC)
- Hi, Paul.
- Hello, Jackie.
- You sent me over there so I could walk this way.
- Don't bring that up. - OK.
- Hi, Paul!
(LAUGHTER)
- Oh.
- Hold on. What?
- It's on the other side.
READS: 'Brag a flea.'
- 'Setfast is NW.' Don't know what that means.
- 'RU item dartset hewn ouy depone het stak.'
- Huh?
- What in the world?
- Uh, OK, I'm gonna give that a strong pass.
No, thank you. - What?
- Not interested. - Not interested. - Don't know what it means.
Lunch?
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
- Glad you weren't cracking codes for us on World War II, Jackie.
'Just give it a strong pass. Let's go for lunch.'
- I was completely bamboozled, and I still can't remember whether I worked it out.
- The success you've had by not understanding ever what's going on...
(LAUGHTER) ...is astonishing.
- OK, who's up first?
- It's our team of three working at their best individually. It's Jack, Jackie and Pax.
- 'Ouy depone het stak.'
What the hell?
- I don't know what any of the words mean.
You're just gonna stare at me? - Yes.
- OK, well, I'm just gonna stare at you until you help me, because you're, um...
you're my assistant, aren't you? - I'm the Taskmaster's assistant.
- Yeah, but you're kind of also my assistant. - Not at all.
- Is this some kind of, like, cryptic thing that I have to figure out?
- It's a puzzle. Yeah?
- Oh, OK, maybe every word is just muddled up. That might be it.
- What if I change around the letters?
- OK, let's change around the letters. It's gonna be 'grab'.
- (EXCLAIMS) Grab.
- So, I think it's 'grab a...'
- Grab a flea.
Grab― Grab a leaf.
- Leaf. Grab a leaf.
- Grab a leaf.
- Oh my God. I'm getting this. Oh my God!
- 'Fastest... wins.' (BLEEP)!
Wait, there's more, though.
'Your time
'started when you opened
'the...'
(LAUGHTER)
Aargh!
- Come with me, Paul.
- I've stopped the clock.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
Is that a leaf? - Yeah.
- Stop the clock.
- I have a leaf. - I've stopped the clock.
- Why? - Cos you've completed the task.
- Are you serious? - Yeah.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
- Jackie, it all makes sense now. So, you thought Paul was your assistant all along?
- Yeah. - And you must have been really annoyed at him this whole series.
- Well, yeah. I mean, I found him very, like, back and kind of reserved.
- Unhelpful. - Yeah.
- Pax, when you figured it out, instead of sort of running and doing it,
you just sort of took Paul for a little stroll, I noticed.
- Yeah, well, these guys, I think they continued to read,
and I just saw 'grab a leaf,' and I didn't realise that it was a time constraint,
so I thought we'd just go for a little― little wee walk to a tree.
- In terms of timings?
- Pax ― 3.19.
- Wow.
- Jackie ― 2.37. - Wow! Whoa.
- Jack ― 2.23.
- No― There's no way.
- What the hell? - OK.
- What?
- What did I do? (LAUGHTER)
- We'll be right back after these very direct messages begging you to purchase something.
We'll see you soon. (CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
(QUIRKY THEME MUSIC)
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
- Nau mai ano.
Welcome back to Taskmaster, where our comedians are battling it out for a holiday four of them can't use.
What's going on, Paul?
- Our contestants just have to grab a leaf.
Unfortunately, there was a mix up at the task printing factory, and the words got scrambled.
- OK. - You can't trust child labour. (LAUGHTER)
Next up trying to unjumble the words, it's Rebe and Celia.
- Is it just that the words are mixed up?
So what could 'brag' turn in to be?
Grab.
Ooh, grab a something.
- Can I borrow your phone? - I don't have a phone.
- Have you got Wi-Fi? - No. - You've got 4G.
- What do you want me to look up? - Just google 'brag a flea'.
Actually, can you open ChatGPT?
- What could 'flea' turn in to be?
F-E...
We'll leave that one. 'Grab a something.'
- What are you gonna do to that one? - Just― Just leaving that one for now, cos I can't figure it out.
- Leave it.
So, you're still trying to Google? - (LAUGHS)
I've never felt more like my parents.
- My mum. I wish I could call my mum.
- What would your mum say? - Well, she does these word games every day.
- Can I have my tablet back, please? - No.
(LAUGHTER)
(LINE RINGS) - Come on, Mum.
- Your call has been forwarded― - Thanks a lot, Mum (!)
- Brag a flea.
Do you think it's― I mix― I put the things round in a different order.
- F-E...
L-A.
Fella? - Grab a fella?
- Grab a...
leaf!
Grab a leaf.
- F-E-A-L.
- What's that? - Grab a 'feal'.
Come here, Paul!
(PANTS)
- It's not that. - OK.
- Fastest...
wins.
- L-E-A-F?
Leaf! Grab a leaf!
- Stop the clock.
- Got it.
'Dear Mum,
'thanks for answering ―
'not!'
Send.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
- Does your mother screen a lot of your calls, Bree?
- Um, in fairness to her, it's a good decision, cos most of the time they're prank calls.
(LAUGHTER)
- So, Alice, you googled the saying, cos you thought maybe that Paul had got it from the internet.
- I don't know what happened there. (LAUGHTER)
I watched that, and I don't recognise the person.
- I do. (LAUGHTER)
- Well, you don't know your times yet. - Mm.
- And sometimes the end visual can be deceiving.
- Paul, Paul, you wouldn't say something like that to me if you didn't mean it.
- What was Alice's time, Paul? - Alice was 8.48. - JACK: Oh...
- And Bree ― 13.42. (LAUGHTER)
- Oh...
- Thanks a lot, Mum (!) (LAUGHTER)
- So, that's one point for Bree, two points for Alice,
three points for Pax, four points for Jackie, and five points for Jack Ansett.
- Wow. (CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
- OK, I am ready for another task, Paul.
- It's our last task from the beautiful Rainbow's End. - Oh God.
- And in this one, things could get a little bit bumpy.
(QUIRKY THEME MUSIC)
- Oh.
- Paul?
- No Paul.
That makes me nervous in my funny places.
(LAUGHTER)
- Oh, I ripped it.
- READS: 'Bump Paul's boat.'
Paul?
(MOTOR REVS)
OK. That's Paul.
- 'Fastest to bump Paul's boat wins.'
- Your time starts...'
- ...when you hear the horn.'
- Oh, this is gonna be fun!
- I don't know how to drive one of― I don't know how to drive one of these things.
- All righty. Paul.
- Oh shit.
Oh Jesus!
- OK. I don't know how to work this thing.
(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)
- Whoa.
- This seems like some fun for the last film task of the season.
I can smell the chlorine, and I can smell the two-stroke.
- This task fills me with dread. (LAUGHTER) - Yeah.
- Who are we gonna see first? - She was born to sail the seas.
It's Breeze Tomasail. (LAUGHTER)
- ON RADIO: Paul, are you ready to be my little bitch? - ON RADIO: Not at all.
- Oh, Pauly, Pauly, Pauly, Pauly.
Oh, Pauly, Pauly, Pauly.
Let's make a deal. I'll give you 50 bucks if you let me bump you.
- Tempting. How long do I have to stay still for?
- I'm gonna say at least two minutes. Is that a deal? - Yeah, we got a deal.
- Whoo! Hot doggy.
I wanna get this done, Paul. My crotch is getting wet and not in a good way.
- What was that?
- I got you now, Pauly!
Oh, you bastards.
Paul, what happened to our deal?
Now my bumper boat's on the piss.
Paul, I'm gonna get back in the boat. You should come back down here.
- I'll think about it.
Are you gonna leave me hanging, Paul?
- You left me hanging. - Hey! I'm here. Paul!
Fist bump.
Yeah!
Taking ya home to the light house, Paul.
That's not (BLEEP) Paul.
(LAUGHTER)
That... (LAUGHS) is not Paul!
That's not Paul!
There's Paul right there!
(LAUGHS)
(DING!)
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
- I've stopped the clock.
- The whole time? - I was just waiting for you.
(MOTOR REVS)
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE) - Oh...
- I was in there for ages. - Oh... my... God.
- Phenomenal camouflage, Paul.
Very impressive. - Yeah.
- This must have been a frustrating task, Bree.
- Honestly, this one nearly broke me. (BLEEP) you and your whole family, Paul.
(LAUGHTER)
- At one point, you got out of the boat, but you had no plan of how you were gonna get back in,
and the boat was... just spinning around and around.
- I will say we did make a deal. You said you... (AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS)
- Oh...
- You― You said you'd give me, I think, $50 if I stayed still for a bit.
(LAUGHTER)
- (LAUGHS)
- Come and see me after the show. (LAUGHTER)
- OK, in terms of timing, Paul... - 20.57.
- All right, before we carry on, let's take a few minutes for the opposite of camouflage ―
advertisements. A kua nei. (CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
(QUIRKY THEME MUSIC)
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
- Welcome back to Taskmaster.
What's all this I'm hearing about bumper boats, Paul?
- Well, Jeremy, our contestants are attempting to bump me in a bumper boat.
- Who's up next, Paul? - These guys love being grouped together. It's Jack, Pax and Jackie.
- I'm comin', Paul. I'm gonna get ya.
(LAUGHTER)
- Why am I spinning?
- Why is it spinning?
- Why am I spinning?
- Paul!
- What do you want?
- Can you come here? I need to tell you something.
- Paul, I'm just gonna come and have a little chat to you.
- Come here. I wanna tell you something.
- You can just tell me through the walkie-talkie. We're connected by walkie-talkies.
(LAUGHTER)
- I feel like you have a faster one.
- Mine's actually slower, if you can believe it.
- Paul, just come here. Paul.
- Why am I going that way?
(AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS)
(MOTOR REVS)
OK, here we go. I got you now, Paul. I got you now, Paul.
- I think it'd be more fun if you waited a little bit.
- I feel like this is it. I feel like this is it.
- I don't feel like this is it.
- No!
- I'm just gonna― I won't tag you. I won't tag you.
- I'm getting closer, Paul. I can feel it.
- I feel like you're getting further away.
- I can feel it. I can feel it.
I can feel it.
- OK. I mean, he's not playing ball.
- Can someone please go get my cell phone and pass it to me? I've got an idea.
Yeah.
- I'm comin', Paul!
I'm comin!
Aargh!
- Paul, no.
- Here we go. Here we go. Here we go. Come here!
No! No way!
- Oh, thank God.
- Yes!
- Hey, Paul, stop the time.
- What do you mean 'stop the task'?
- I just bumped a message you sent me on Facebook.
I bumped it.
Do you see it?
- I bumped you. - You bumped me?
You definitely bumped me? - I bumped you.
- Do you see that?
(MOTOR REVS)
See it?
Double-whammy.
- Are you happy with that?
- Yeah, I think so, yeah.
- I bumped you, dude.
- Well, we've got cameras, so if you didn't bump me, we'll know you didn't bump me.
- Wait a minute.
Can you lift your visor?
- What do you mean?
- Can you―? Can you lift your visor up?
- I don't know what you're talking about.
- Your― Your leg is a lot thinner than I remember.
- My legs look regular to me.
- OK.
(LAUGHTER)
(APPLAUSE)
- Oh man.
- Jackie, you're saying 'why am I turning in circles' ― you were steering the boat.
- I know. I― Yeah. I... I am stunned. I'm sorry. I'm stunned. That was genius.
- Well, Pax just about bumped Paul by accident.
- I-I actually wanna cry. - Yeah, I-I... I think I've hit a low.
- I'm so stressed right now.
- You were right beside him, and then you looked at his leg, and you thought, 'That's not Paul's leg,'
but then Paul went, 'Yes, it is,' and you went, 'Oh, OK.'
- I just thought, like, maybe that day, felt a little bit anaemic. (LAUGHTER)
- This is what gets me about this show, and I wish I could now start the show now knowing what I know
is that nothing is what it seems. - JACK: No.
- And I know you more, and I know that you're just, like, a deceitful...
- ...little shit. - ...little shit.
- You're a little shit. - You're a little shit.
- You're a piece of shit! - You're trying to trick us and embarrass us on television.
- (BLEEP) you and your whole family! - And I'm sick of your shit, Paul!
I'm sick of your shit! - Get outta here! Go! (LAUGHTER)
- I was gonna say this is the last taped task,
and I was gonna ask if you had any reflections on your time on the show.
- You know what my reflection is, Jeremy? Go (BLEEP) yourself. (LAUGHTER)
- Wow. - So, one thing to note ―
to bump a message is, obviously, to, um, you know, sort of bring back an old message,
but he― he bumped his own message. (LAUGHTER)
- Oh man!
- Aargh!
- This is the first time in the series where I support Jack's outrage.
- Yeah, I do support that. - Yeah.
- Um, OK, let's talk about some times. - Times?
- Yeah. - Jack didn't bump me.
He took 19.42. - (GASPS) - Wow.
- Jackie also didn't bump me. 6.24.
(LAUGHTER)
Pax ― 21.33.
But, again, he did not bump me. - Right, OK.
So, there is one person who we haven't shown yet. - Yes.
- Let's go to break. (LAUGHTER)
- She loves to be out on the water so much she can't even spell her name without the 'C'.
It's Alice.
(MOTOR WHIRRS)
- Paul, can you hear me?
- Yes.
- Don't be a little bitch. Come and bump me.
- What are you doing now?
(QUIRKY MUSIC)
- (BLEEP). (LAUGHS WHEEZILY)
- Is there a ghost driving your bumper boat?
- (LAUGHS)
Those are all mine! If you bump any of those...
- So you think if any of these boats bump me, that counts as you bumping me?
- Yeah, that's it. That's game over.
(AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS)
(GRUNTS)
- So, what's the plan here ― you're trying to bump me with this ring?
- Aargh!
- Are you enjoying this task?
- Who are you?
Oh...
Oh!
(LAUGHTER)
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
Oh! (BLEEP)!
I'm so annoyed.
I'm in over my head.
(QUIRKY MUSIC)
(LAUGHTER)
Paul. - Yeah.
- I broke the boat.
(LAUGHS)
Oh shit.
Oh, I really (BLEEP)ed it.
(LAUGHTER)
Come here. Come here.
Come here!
Bump. I just bumped you.
- So, you bumped me by throwing a stone at me? - Yeah.
- And you think that constitutes a bump?
- Do you not think that counts? - It'll be up to the Taskmaster.
- Well, I want your opinion. - I don't have an opinion.
- Well, (BLEEP)ing have an opinion. - If you're happy with that, you can go.
- Well, I'm nothappywith it.
- Thank you, Alice.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
- JACKIE: Wow.
- Wow. - Well, you tried.
- (BLUBBERS LIPS) (LAUGHTER)
Watching that footage back, I did notice that those boats I released did bump him.
- They did some near, and I-I did lean out, and I-I pushed one away, but―
- That's a bump.
- You were not in any of those boats. You released a whole lot of boats...
- Jeremy, the boats were there on my behalf.
- You released a whole lot of boats, and, actually, hold on.
You also broke one of the bumper boats with some terrible loose rope work.
Have you paid for that yet?
- I was told that was covered by insurance. (LAUGHTER)
- So, how long was Alice faffing around in the thing for? - Her attempt lasted 25.18.
And, yeah, she did throw a small pebble that did hit me.
Thoughts on that.
- No. (LAUGHTER)
- I threw the pebble.
- By that stage, you were desperate. - I don't deny that. (LAUGHS)
- I don't feel like zero points is fair for the people who didn't bump.
I'm happy to give everyone who didn't bump one, and then five points for Bree, who bumpedyou.
- JACK: Wow. Incredible. - OK. - JACKIE: Shot, Bree.
- Thank you. Thank you. - That was awesome. - Well done, Bree.
- Right, season six of Taskmaster is almost over, but I've found a way to drag it out a little bit longer.
It involves playing some ads. We'll see you on the other side. (CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
(QUIRKY THEME MUSIC)
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
- Kia ora ano. Welcome back to the season finale of Taskmaster.
It's almost time to hand out my golden noggin, which makes for a great stand for your headphones
and a rather distracting hood ornament.
There's still one more task to complete, but before we get to that,
Paul, can we have a scoreboard update for the episode?
- He's going out with a bang. With 13 points, it's Jack Ansett.
- Ooh! (CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
- All right, everyone, head up to the stage for the final task of the season.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
OK, Paul, who's reading out the final task? - Alice Snedden.
- READS: 'Build a paper plane and fly it the furthest.
'Your plane must resemble a plane. Each round, the shortest distance will be eliminated.
'Each round, your building time will be halved.'
- I take it you've all made paper planes. - You were good.
- Paul and I spent literally 22 minutes watching a paper airplane tutorial,
and I made an incredible paper plane that impressed the whole crowd.
You had to be there. (LAUGHTER)
- Obviously, it is permissible if you wanna check out the expertise of the other players,
or would that be seen as 'sneaky'?
- You've got two minutes. You can definitely take a peek.
- Yeah, cos I'm really starting with nothing.
Oh, come on, man. (LAUGHTER)
Oh my God! (LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)
OK.
- Are you ready? - Yes.
- On my whistle. (BLOWS WHISTLE)
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
(LAUGHTER)
- Come on, man. - I will fart.
- 40 seconds.
Wow, Jack, very sleek.
(CHEERING)
(BLOWS WHISTLE)
Paper plane down. Place it on the plinth, please, Jackie. - BREE: Aww, Jackie.
- Oh, I feel bad now, Jackie.
- OK, we're gonna start with Alice.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
- Oh, m.... (LAUGHTER)
(APPLAUSE) - BREE: Oh no.
(LAUGHTER)
- Bree. - JACK: Go, Bree.
Yes! (CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
- Thank you. - Very nice.
- Jack.
(CHEERING)
- JACKIE: Holy.
- Jackie.
- If you beat me...
(CHEERING)
- JACK: Oh, it's further than Alice. - BREE: Oh no!
- Pax. - (EXHALES DEEPLY)
(AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS)
- Alice Snedden, you have been eliminated. (CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
You have one minute on my whistle. (BLOWS WHISTLE)
- Jackie, learn what― Learn can from me, Jackie. - JACKIE: Oh, thank you so much.
(CHEERING)
So you fold it in half.
- You have 30 seconds. - Shit. Oh no!
- 12 seconds. - Oh my God.
- I've gone for an Airbus 320. (LAUGHTER)
- (BLOWS WHISTLE) Stop.
Pax, hands away.
Jackie, hands away.
We'll start with Bree. (CHEERING)
(AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS)
- It's all right. It's all right.
- Jack.
(AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS)
(APPLAUSE) - JACK: Ooh.
Too high.
- Jack's is currently further.
- BREE: Come on, Jackie. - OK. How many chances do I get?
- Just the one. - Goddamn it! (LAUGHTER)
- PAX: Go, plane. - JACK: Yeah! (CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
- I got it off the stage!
- Huge improvement. - I'm actually so proud of you. - Thank you so much.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
(AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS)
Oh no.
Oh, Pax.
- Pax, you are eliminated.
- Jackie...
go and fulfil your destiny...
of...
coming third. (LAUGHTER)
- You have 30 seconds. (BLOWS WHISTLE)
- Go there. Yep, yup. Go there.
There. Yup. Do another fold that way.
- 13 seconds. - Create wings with that side.
- Like that? - Nah, nah, nah, nah. Even. Even. Nah, nah, back, back, back.
Bring it all the way to there. (WHISTLE TRILLS)
- Jackie, hands away.
- JACK: That was hard. - It's good. It's good. It's better than anything you've ever done.
(LAUGHTER)
- Bree will be throwing first.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
Jack Ansett.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC CONTINUES)
(AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS)
- Jackie, this is― No pressure. No pressure. - You can do this, Jackie.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC CONTINUES)
- BREE: I can't watch.
(DRAMATIC CHORAL MUSIC)
- SLO-MO: No.
Go. Go! (CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
- It's amazing! - Bree Tomasel is eliminated.
- How much time? - 15 seconds.
- Jesus! - Jackie, do you remember the process?
- No, you know my brain. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- I learn it new every time. (LAUGHTER)
- I don't know how you're winning this show. (LAUGHTER)
- OK. (BLOWS WHISTLE)
- OK, two small― No, no, no, no. What are you doing? Two small folds.
No, no, no, no, no. Triangles! - 10 seconds.
- Triangles! - I can't. I can't.
- Triangle. - Five...
- Then fold it. - ...four...
- Aargh! - ...three... - And then fold.
- ...two, one. - Fold.
(WHISTLE TRILLS)
- Oh... - OK. This is the grand final.
- OK.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
- Oh, it's gonna be hard.
You can do it, Jackie. - ALICE: That's a good throw.
- Jackie. - OK. Feeling good.
(LAUGHTER, CHEERING)
OK. I think the thing to remember is that I've learnt a lot. It's been a fun journey.
It's a flick of the wrist and a little bit of the forearm. I got it.
(CHEERING)
(DRAMATIC CHORAL MUSIC)
(LAUGHTER)
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
- All right. Come on down, everyone.
We'll score it and find out who's the winner of season six.
(QUIRKY THEME MUSIC)
Let's score the live task.
- One point for Alice.
Two points for Pax.
Three points for Bree.
Four points for Jackie.
And five points for Jack Ansett. (CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
- OK, Paul, what about episode 10?
- The winner of episode 10 with 18 points is Jack Ansett. (CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
- Congratulations, Jack. Please go and enjoy your information-rhyming items.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
- Ah... Wow.
Wow.
- Drink it! (LAUGHS)
(QUIRKY THEME MUSIC)
- The moment of truth. It's time to announce the winner of season six.
And what a season it's been. We've had climaxes and clowns.
We've had hidden Pauls, hidden cakes and balls that weren't hidden; they just rolled away.
And it's all led to this.
Paul, could you please read out the scores and announce the official winner of Taskmaster season six.
- In fifth place, with a very respectable 137 points,
Pax Assadi. (CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
Just ahead of him on 144,
Alice Snedden. (CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
With a bronze medal and 154 points,
Bree Tomasel. - (MOUTHS) (CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
- I love you. - Love you.
- In second place with 160 points...
Jack Ansett. (CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
The winner of Taskmaster New Zealand season six with 164 points
is Jackie van Beek! (CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
- Thank you.
- Congratulations, Jackie. Well done. That's yours.
- Oh, thank you. Thank you. - Well done.
- Whoa! It's heavy. - There you are.
- Thank you very much! (CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
- PAX: Jackie!
- Please join me in offering a huge congratulations to the winner of this season, Jackie vanBeek.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
Thank you so much for joining us. We'll see you again soon.
Goodnight. Po manahau.
('TASKMASTER' THEME MUSIC)
Well done.
Well done, Jack. - Well done.
- Well done, Jackie. - Thank you.
- That was so good.
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