I don't believe it!
Is this a horse? - It's not a horse.
Jesus!
He's a genius, at all levels.
It's going to take a few days, be right back.
STAFFED BUT SINGLE
Welcome all, I'm Vasco Palmeirim
and this is Taskmaster, the show where five well known celebrities
contend in a series of hilarious tasks that defy
their agility, reasoning ability
and, essentially,
is a programme that promises to devastate their reputations.
Always with me,
a friend,
he's the godfather of my eldest son,
he's my karaoke companion in bars in Moita
where we sing "We've Got Tonight".
He as Kenny Roger and me, obviously, as Sheena Easton.
Ladies and Gentlemen, a round of applause for Nuno Markl!
Thank you, thank you very much.
Thank you very much, thank you very much.
Nuno, the question I ask you is: How are you tonight?
I'm fine, I've been in my dressing room rehearsing,
not "We've Got Tonight" mind you, no no.
Besides, you are not rehearsing that song alone because it's ours.
Obviously. Obviously. But, I've been listening to the
classic "We are the World" very carefully
and I think I'm finally able to sing Cyndi Lauper's part.
Wow!
Wait, wait, wait. Are you going to do it now?
Yes.
♪ Well, well, well, let's realise that a change can only come ♪
♪ When we stand together as one ♪
♪ Stand together as one ♪
[THEY CONTINUE TO SING]
I don't know how, but I pulled my back.
Really? - While singing.
And so, we begin this Taskmaster,
and of course,
the presentation of the five protagonists.
She's a Leo, and her biggest dream is to have a natural childbirth.
She already tried a childbirth with fruit pieces, and a strawberry-flavoured childbirth,
but is not quite the same thing. She wants a natural childbirth,
Inês Aires Pereira! [actor]
It's true.
He's a Gemini, and his greatest dream is to someday open a school
where he can help develop very specific skills in the youth.
Who knows, one day Nuno Markl could enroll in his school
to improve his unique talent: imitating orcas!
[IMPERSONATES AN ORCA]
Ladies and gentlemen, Gilmário Vemba! [comedian]
A Sagittarius, this woman has been
chasing her dream for two years now. No, she doesn't want Oscars.
No, she doesn't want wealth.
She just wants to sleep. #LetJessySleep [she has a young child]
Jessica Athayde! [actor]
That's it.
An Aquarius,
his dream is to one day make his own versions of famous musicals.
Here on Taskmaster, we can hardly wait to attend such classics as:
"The Sound of Toysic", "The Phantom of the Toypera",
and of course, my favourite, "Toymma mia"!
Toy! [musician & actor]
And, in each programme, we have an extra person
to join our, let's say, fixed contestants.
Someone from outside, but who is here inside...
[in Spanish] here in our hearts.
He's a Pisces,
and he's loved by the Portuguese,
and I love him. In fact, I love him so much
that if I wasn't married, and he invited me to dinner,
and if we hit it off, well, I wouldn't make any promises.
It's Fernando Mendes! [comedian & presenter]
Thanks.
I already had the opportunity to have Fernando on Joker. [gameshow hosted by Vasco]
and when the show started he said to me: "Vasco, I don't understand any of this."
We finished Joker and he said:
"Vasco, with all gratitude, I still don't understand any of this."
In respect to Taskmaster, how are we Fernando?
Look, I don't know what am I doing here. I don't understand any of this either.
Thank you, Fernando Mendes!
On Taskmaster, the first task always starts in the houses-
well, maybe not houses, but in the mansions, of course, of our contestants.
And it wouldn't be appropriate for them to bring in the first thing that crosses their minds.
Today, Nuno, what did our guests have to bring from home?
Alright Vasco, I suppose today it was difficult
for our contestants because it was about bringing in
the most embarrassing thing.
Of course, it's difficult because we are in front of people of absolute dignity.
No, no, precisely the opposite.
With these five people it was hard for them to pick just one embarrassing thing.
But they found it, and they brought in.
And the Taskmaster wants to know what you brought in,
Inês Aires Pereira.
I wanted to bring in a thing
but it was... so big and so graphic
and so embarrassing - damn! - that I didn't have the courage
to leave my house holding it.
What? Just being outside with it would be embarrassing?
Very much so. - But, tell me. Did you pay for it, or was it a gift?
I paid. It's a thing with a... - Now I know what it is.
... that's like a... - Leave it.
It's phallic.
So... – Yes.
I brought in a nappy.
A nappy? - With wee in it.
Or poo...
I found it in the car, and I thought:
"if someone got in here it would be sinister."
"The girl that has the dirty nappy."
And so I thought,
the phallic thing stays at home, and this nappy comes. - The issue is whose nappy is it?
But didn't you smell in the car, a....
No, that's why I thought it was wee, but now I see it open, it might be poo.
It's your embarrassing object. - Yes.
It makes sense. - Doesn't it? - Inês Aires Pereira, thank you for that.
Gilmário, is your object able to supplant Inês' nappy?
I don't think so.
What have you brought in? - I brought in something that's used in the same place
but by adults.
I record a lot, I'm always recording in character and
every time I change clothes
in front of the wardrobe staff...
Yes. - ... I have to explain the hole in the boxer shorts,
to pretend it's new every time.
It's like: "Oh, I didn't realise!"
Ok. - Yeah, because I like those very much but...
So, these are boxer shorts of yours that have a hole in the side?
Yes, yes, yes. - How the hell did you tear it on the side?
Oh man, I can't explain that on this show.
It can't be explained.
For me, the hole is too far away, if I had one of those.
Jessica Athayde. What did you bring in for the Taskmaster?
It's a Babyliss.
A Babyliss? - It's a Babyliss, a Babyliss for the hair but...
But what? - It could be Toy's...
In what way? - Isn't that an enema?!
It has that appearance.
So, when people see it they think that...
I understand. - I have at home a...
a big, new machine similar to those Toy also has.
That Toy uses a lot. - You have those?
António Ferrão, better known as Toy, what have you brought in for Taskmaster?
I brought in an LP.
Mine, from '89 or '90,
and when I show that LP to people, I have to explain that it is not my aunt.
It's really me.
Toy...
Do you want more embarrassing shit than this?!
I think he looks like Sandra, the singer of "Maria Magdalena".
See? See?
Give it up for Toy's aunt, ladies and gentlemen.
Do you want more embarrassing shit than this?!
I think not. - There's nothing more embarrassing.
Fernando Mendes, what have you brought in? Your embarrassing object?
Well, my embarrassing object...
We are making this programme in the same studio I make "The Price is Right"...
True. - ... and people bring me stuff everyday.
Yes. - And they brought me the thing that is going to appear up there, but I...
I like to share these things with all my colleagues, ...
Yes. - ... with the technicians, everybody.
So, we finished what's going to show up, and I brought the scraps for you,
as you are so thin...
No offense. [pictured: 'presunto', smoked Portuguese ham]
Whoever wins Taskmaster takes all your prizes.
What, they take my aunt's picture?
That's it.
What, they take my grandma's hip?
I don't think there is anything incredibly... - No. - ...embarrassing.
There isn't, there isn't.
The nappy, in the embarrassment ranking,
you are in the middle. I'll give you 3 points.
I should've brought in the knob!
Next time bring in the knob!
The underwear, I'll give you 3 points too.
Jessica, the hair curler,
it is a curler. The shape it has, it's what it is.
No. - 3 for you, too.
Thank you very much, yeah, it's fair.
Toy, I understand why you brought it
It could be worse, and since you are very pretty
you take 4, not 5, ok? He's going to take 4 points.
You are going to take it all home. - It doesn't make any sense, he should be proud.
And Mendes' presunto? The ex-presunto.
I wanted to get rid of it.
I understood.
Give it like 1 point, that's enough for me. - No, no, no...
I'm going to award 2 points to Mendes.
Two, three, three, three, and four for Toy, that's how we begin.
My aunt saved me.
The winner of each Taskmaster will be tremendously happy
to take home all this junk.
Ah! With all due respect, with all due respect, Vasco, 'prizes'.
Prizes! Prizes! Prizes! Prizes!
How I envy the one taking all of this.
Nuno, do you know what I'd like?
I'd like to see tasks, that we recorded,
that I haven't seen yet,
with these guys, pulling out all the stops pursuing the points Taskmaster will award.
Where do we start? - Well, today...
Actually, I could tell you, ok? Where we are going to start.
However...
the contestants' reaction to something I brought with me will speak for itself.
Oh, no! It's the duck, that bastard!
(bleep) duck!
Hello.
Welcome.
What do we have for today?
Ducks.
Oh, how wonderful.
Is the rice here, or just the duck? [rice with duck meat is a popular dish]
♪ Every little duck knows well how to swim ♪ [Portuguese nursery rhyme]
Ducklings! Have you ever played one of those "shoot the duck" games?
[continuing the lyrics of the song] Head upside down and butt up in the air. - Right.
Of course. - Hope it's not the case.
Ah, so, let's get going? The envelope. - Let's go.
I want to wee.
"Fell all the rubber ducks."
All?
All the ducks?!
"Fastest wins."
The duck or me?
"Your time starts when the first rubber duck falls."
There is an important rule,
All your tries to knock the ducks down must be from behind this...
This rope.
Look, the first...
it's done! - That one doesn't count.
Oh, it doesn't count? - It doesn't, it's just illustrative.
I think I'm going to fell...
No no, this one... - What? What?
This one has to fall, it's the first.
No, no, it is not! No.
Calm down, calm down.
This one is illustrative, this is an illustrative duck.
Ah, how... Oh man, did they screw me again?
Is it just me or was Inês Aires Pereira about to charge in and bring it all down like a bulldozer?
It's true Vasco. - Indeed? - But, since you mention it
let me just confess that
there was a part of me
that wanted to let Inês throw herself against the fences.
Just so I could say: "Now pick up everything, please, and listen the rest of the explanation of the game".
Right, but I'm glad you didn't because I like you this way...
How should I put it... Alive.
Who are we going to see first?
We're going to see the perfect fusion between
the film "Platoon" and the Christmas Circus: Jessica Athayde!
Goddamn.
Maybe...
I'll take these things now to be able to reach the last ones.
But I'm so bad with this kind of stuff. - You only need...
Ok, it begins.
I just need to put the... This is completely
impossible.
Ridiculous.
There must be something...
A boat.
Right.
If the goal was to hit helmets...
Oh, man!
Nice one! - That one was already done.
Ok.
Ok, ok.
You said I had to be behind this, which I am.
That's clever.
I'm sorry, did I hurt you? - No, no, no, no.
I'm here for that.
This is touching, isn't it?
Looks like the film "The Passion of the Christ".
You know, this is... - It's therapeutic, isn't it?
I don't sleep at night!
My son hasn't slept for two years!
It shouldn't have been Bruno Nogueira who won the Golden Globe!
It's done!
Do you need any help cleaning this up for the next one?
I'm out.
Take a rest.
Here's how Taskmaster can be therapeutic.
Some people pay up to €90 an hour to talk about their problems.
Jessica does not. She grabs everything she can,
approaches the ducks, and frees her mind. "I haven't slept for two years!"
"My son won't sleep!"
It was liberating.
It was, very much so, but...
and still you didn't show the whole task!
Because it was missing the hose part.
Was it missing? - Was it missing?
Is it missing, or are we saving it for later?
Was it missing?
It was evident that Jessica was able to fell all the ducks.
♪ Every little duck wound up on floor. ♪
But, to do it...
Markl, I want you to tell me everything Jessica used.
Well, she used a lot of stuff.
She used an approach that I titled
"The Pink Fantasy Method"
That's the name of the Chinese store in my neighbourhood.
It seemed like Jessica Athayde threw the store's entire inventory at the ducks.
Pink Fantasy.
There were 15 different items thrown at the ducks.
Among them, we can count:
tennis rackets and balls, hula-hoops, bow and arrows, a hard hat, a pitcher,
many traffic cones, a garden table...
Ok, she couldn't throw any more stuff because
at some point the objects that were in the shed
ran away and asked for political asylum.
Ok, but what's with the hose?
What's with the hose? Let's see.
No.
Is the water running?
Nothing’s coming out yet. - What about now?
I'm hearing water over there.
And from the hose, nothing's coming out?
From the hose, no, but I hear water running over there.
What? - You turned on the irrigation.
There it is.
Can you stay here and cover this hole with your hand?
If I could get the water to spray with its full force...
I could... - Ok, where's the hole?
Are you ready, Markl?
Ouch! Son of a gun!
No.
You have to really cover the hole.
I can't! - You can!
I can't cover the hole! - Cover that hole already!
Son of a gun!
Nice! Hold on, we're almost there. Let's go!
Take this part over there! - It will not do.
That's it!
It won't go.
It won't? It has to. - It won't, it's not long enough, look.
How are you over there? - It's coming, it's coming out.
Son of a gun!
In Taskmaster never say: "Something's missing."
How long did Jessica take to bring that whole duckery down?
Well, Jessica, in this epic of hers, took 19 minutes and 13 seconds.
Very well.
Nuno, who are the next members of this gang?
Let's enjoy the beauty
and elegance
provided by Gilmário and Fernando Mendes.
Ok.
Balls are easier, I can toss them there. I'll throw them afterwards
Now it's all going. This goes too.
OK, the time has started. - Hurray! Look at this one. Like this.
Done! Whaddashow!
Mr. Cameraman, would you mind kicking me the ball?
Nice one, cameraman!
Mendes approaches the ball. He kicks it!
A bit off!
Snap!
It went behind!
No.
The bow won't work.
Lemons can be a good thing.
That's right! That's right! That's right!
Not even one? They must be glued, I'm telling you.
Unbelievable.
I need more weight.
Unbelievable! - It was the ball.
You can take note! Seventeen ducks.
Attention!
I got it! I've got the hang of this!
Know what? I'll add one duck, I'm not afraid!
I believe it was slow, no?
Whenever you've got a real challenge, call me.
Deal! - If this little duck joke is all you've got...
We'll try to do better.
Look at this!
Hey, neighbour!
Yes!
I expected more from you, Nuno.
We're only at the beginning. - How many ducks have I killed? - A lot.
A lot innit? - A lot.
I must say I love it when grown men,
fathers,
renowned men,
the internationally esteemed,
suddenly become 7-year-old kids on Taskmaster.
I love it. I highlight Fernando,
when he first hits the ducks and goes: "Hurray!"
And also, we need to talk about basketballs and Gilmário Vemba.
What is that?
You've practiced this a lot before, or was this a first?
Knocking down ducks? - Yes
This was my first time.
Wow, unbelievable.
With little ducks I have no problems whatsoever.
None? - No.
If there were more ducks, would they also have fallen?
Little ducks, please. Don't come for me. You'll fall.
Little ducks, run away from Vemba!
Fernando, how long do you think you took? Do you have any clue?
She, did 19, right? - Yes.
I did it in less time. - You did?
And Gilmário Vemba, how long do you think you took? - Eighteen thirty.
I don't know, about 5 minutes?
Five?!
Yes, he was quite fast. You were fast. - 19? 5? Calm down, calm down.
So, these were two more cases where no rubber ducks
remained on the fence to tell the story.
Right? - Right, right?
What about the results? This time we will not tell yet. - Let's leave them to the end.
I'd like to invite you to see how
Toy and Inês Aires Pereira decided to take down
those little ducks that...
poor little things... were peacefully
hanging out on top of the fence.
Let's see.
You can knock the ducks down with me.
Let's go!
No, in the first place you have to knock a duck down.
No, but from behind the rope! - Are you kidding?
You must find stuff around here... - No!
It's not "go there and do this". - No.
I'm curious to see what'll happen.
Isn't this one of those things that blows air?
Where are the hoses?
The time has started now. - They didn't... Oh, they fell!
Go and get that.
Get the paddle? - Yes, I can't run too much.
Careful! - Don't throw now!
I'm not being paid for this part. I don't know, I'm not trained for this.
One.
Is there a...
[MAKES HUMMING NOISE]
[REPLICATES HUMMING NOISE]
A hoover...
that sends out
A hose? - A hose!
I'm gonna regret this.
Let's go, Markl.
Not even a single duck?
Markl, I don't think this is going to do.
Fall (bleep)!
Markl, can you get the ball, please? - Sure.
See if... eyy! Ball again, please.
Do you want me to throw this? It's quite heavy. - Yes.
Jeez.
Really?
It's a bit sad, isn't it? - I'm being dumb.
Right, but it won't do.
Is it secure?
Duck!
I want to tie a rope here and then shake.
Look, how good.
Let's see if this one doesn't pop out.
Ducks!
Pull it, Markl!
Please.
Jesus.
Alright.
Amazing.
I'm going to have a kid.
I'm not sure if I can assist you with that.
See you soon.
The extraordinary thing is that two such different
people followed exactly the same reasoning.
Yeah, I'm not pregnant.
Thinking about existing double-acts
for instance, "Croquete and Batatinha". [1980s TV clown duo]
Yes.
I suggest that Toy and Inês get together
and form the duo "Ropes and Hoses".
Ok? A new duo, because your approach was exactly the same.
I can’t go there, so I have to pull something from over here.
Exactly. - So I tied it, and it passed right between me and Markl.
It did. I, to this day, have nightmares with the sound:
[MAKES HIGH-PITCHED WHIPPING SOUND]
The day that my life depends on a tug of war,
Inês Aires Pereira, you are on my team.
Let’s get results. We know Jessica took... 19m 13s.
Inês did it in 16 minutes and 36 seconds.
Fernando Mendes did it in 14 minutes and 40 seconds.
Toy did it in 11 minutes and 20 seconds.
And Gilmário...
Gilmário said he took 5 minutes
He did it in 3 minutes and 11 seconds.
Three minutes and eleven!
I suspect that
when those ducks saw me, they knew they were going to fall.
Points!
Gilmário with 5 points,
Toy with 4,
Fernando Mendes with 3,
Inês with 2,
and Jessica with 1 point.
Let's take a look at the scoreboard
Gilmário and Toy are leading with 8 points... - How's this possible? I'm in last after everything I've done.
... 5 points to Inês and Fernando Mendes
and 4 points to Jessica.
Very well. A round of applause for our Magnificent Five!
But what do we have next?
Next we have a pipe.
A pipe? Just- - Oh, noo...
Just a pipe?
I don't want to complicate it, Vasco. I don't. - Not the pipe...
I'd rather leave that to the contestants.
Not the pipe! - Let's get to it!
Hello again!
Good aftern- Whoa!? - Hello there!
Good afternoon!
What's this, what's this?
I dunno, a bomb?
Some chemical material?
This involves chemistry, doesn't it?
The envelope? I have to open this envelope, don't I?
"Remove the ping-pong ball" - "from inside the pipe."
"The pipe may not be moved."
"Faassteeessst... possssiiibble..."
"wiiiinsss..."
Where is the ping-pong ball? It must be inside?
"Your time starts now."
Take the ball out? The ball?
How do I take the ball out of here?
Without moving this? Without moving this, right?
Fuck. This is unfair, though.
Very well. There's not much to it, right? A pipe, a ping-pong ball...
Oh Vasco, excuse me.
"Table tennis." - Ok.
We don't want the ping-pong players to get cross.
Ok. And everyone understood right away that the pipe had holes?
You could see it clearly. - Hah!
Uh-huh...
It's here. Can I shake this? No.
Right. I have to- I can't move the pipe.
I can't move anything to get the ball out. So I have to fill it up.
So, if I start pouring here...
... it will rise.
Ping-pong balls are light. It should float.
Come on, ball! Come on!
Ohh, what a dumbass! What a dumbass!
I'll put it on the floor.
How do I do this? Am I being very dumb?
I'm being very dumb, aren't I?
How do I raise this bitch?
I'm being dumb, aren't I? Has Jessica done this already?
Did she do OK?
Oh fuck, I'm gonna be the dumb one.
I knew I shouldn't have agreed to this shit.
Oh, this has holes here in the front. You can see it.
Yeah, man. I'm meant to pour it in here, and this will raise a bit, right?
Do I pull? Do I shove some shit inside it?
I'm sorry...
I pour it in here. Then this rises.
And then I'll lift it up with the straw, like so.
Huh?
[GASPS]
I have to plug this, don't I?
This won't plug anything, damnit.
Oh, I can go like this!
Goddamn, man, so dumb.
Goddamnit. It's already here. Fu-
[CRICKETS SOUND EFFECT]
The ball is already here.
Oh, this is even easier. Man, what a dumbass, damnit.
There. It won't escape now.
Damn, it was just a matter of plugging the little holes.
What a dumbass, man.
Come, quick!
Quick!
Done!
And now I leave.
We weren't allowed to touch the ball!
We could touch the ball! - I don't think we could touch the ball.
No, you could not touch the pipe.
Uhh... where's Inês? Hello!
Come on! Everything alright? - How long did I take?
What? - How long was it?
We'll get there. First, have a seat.
It was very bad. But my friend was with me.
It was fun, it was fun. - Wasn't it?
Jessica, please, the country needs to know.
Why the knives?
I was thinking the exact same thing when I was watching it!
I think it- I tried. I- I-
I think that, at the time, I thought...
I'm gonna... - I'll mutilate the pipe!
I'm just gonna cut it.
I'll cut the pipe and I'll take the ball. Done.
Hmm?! - I felt very dumb.
and watching it, I feel even dumber.
Since I asked you about the knives, I have to ask Inês, here,
about the straw... - I don't want to.
I won't speak about this task.
I do not speak about this task. - What was it?
I was not trained for Taskmaster.
How was the straw going to make the ball go up?
Well, yeah, right.
Do you want to know times? - No!
No? Who do we start with?
Let's start with Inês.
Inês took 12 minutes...
and 45 seconds. - Oh, I thought it was half an hour.
I think I did better. - You think you did better than 12 minutes?
How long do you think it took you?
I think I did it in about 8.
Markl. - 8 minutes and 50 seconds.
Very well! Well done!
Who's next, Nuno?
Very well, it's Gilmário and Toy.
Luckily, nobody else had the brilliant idea
of using drinking straws.
Or did they?
Oh, god.
This must be why the bottles are here.
Right?
To try and fill this up.
Let me see if...
...if it comes up.
And what's this cocktail for?
I'm trying to understand...
...the magic here. How does this...
Right...
Right, Gilmário?
Oh, right. This was here to trick the dummies,
and I didn't see it.
I'm starting to see here that this isn't even quite a pipe.
It's a flute.
A poorly built one.
While we're here, let me see something.
To the tomatoes!
I'll try it so that...
... this holds the rubber gloves.
Ok.
Right. I'll go out there...
and look for something to use here. - That's it!
This way won't work.
Everything comes out!
You're very skilled at that.
Yeah. A bit of brain,
because I have to prove to the kids...
...that their dad can do anything.
It's gorgeous.
Let's see, then.
It's almost full.
Well, and there you go.
Now what, ball?
Gilmário. - Ladies and gentlemen,
Gilmário Vemba has managed once again...
... to remove things correctly.
That's it! - Excuse me, Mr. Markl.
Yes, sir. - If you need me, I'll be back there.
If I need to take a ball out of a pipe.
One must applaud Toy's exclamation,
after those seconds of perplexity,
after realising that the pipe had holes.
Yes, yes, umm...
the contestant António Ferrão said,
and I quote,
"to the tomatoes!"
To the tomatoes!
A sentence that traditionally marks the start
of the famous Spanish festival, La Tomatina,
where people throw ripe tomatoes at each other.
I-I... Vasco, I might be wrong, but I believe that in this case,
he was objectively directing me
to the male genital, umm, area. ['tomatoes' = common slang for testicles]
For people at home it's very easy!
Oh, oh, so easy! - Actuall-
It's so easy for people at home... - Actuall- Actually-
The tomatoes!
Right, to the tomatoes. - Gilmário Vemba,
I think was the fastest to take that cheeky lap,
to notice that it had holes,
and you said, and I quote:
"Look, look! A flute!"
"A poorly built flute" - And, take notice,
as appropriate for a flute, you adopted a tactic
that consisted of blowing on it.
I gave it a try. - Which I called the Rão Kyao tactic. [Rão Kyao is a Portuguese flautist]
Yes.
Right?
The times for Toy and Gilmário Vemba?
Let's get to it. Toy took 12 minutes.
12 minutes. - 12 minutes, and Gilmário took...
9 minutes and 53 seconds.
9:53! Jessica in the lead.
Jessica already went "whooo!"
We'll see. - Pay attention, folks.
Jessica was there, with everyone laughing at her, going "hahaha",
but she's in the lead.
But...
- We still haven't seen...
Ah! - ... how Fernando Mendes...
... did on this task. - Take a good look!
Watch this! Watch this! - Vasco, as you know-
As you know... - Sorry.
That house. Your country house... - My house. That's my house, folks.
Your country house is very large.
And why use straws,
when you can use the heavy artillery?
Let's take a look.
So, I take the ball from here, how?
Oh, maybe by filling this up with water, with this...
and the ball should rise.
Could it be? I can go get a bench.
Wait just a bit, I'll get a bench.
For sure, by pouring the liquid, the ball must... Right?
Because... [SUCKING NOISE] Won't work.
Little ball! Wait a little bit, little ball!
Little ball. Oof...
There was something in the way there saying
"Clapperboard, action!" [this made no more sense in Portuguese]
This has a leak.
Where's the ping-pong ball?
Wanna see? Wanna see?
It's leaking, this. How do I take the ball out?
Oh, it's multiple holes.
That's nice.
I'm really dumb. I walked 18km for a chair...
...and for what?
But how does the ball come out of here?
Sorry, but I have to think this through.
I have to think hard about this.
I'll be right back, wait a little bit.
There you go.
Now. I must plug that.
It'll suck an ear, it'll suck everything.
Not like that either. Ooh, this is aggravating me.
It can't be this, I have to fetch something else
because this one won't work,
but I'll tear this off. I don't know whose hoover this is.
Whoever wants a new hoover...
...come to The Price is Right... [he hosts the Portuguese version]
... and you'll surely get a hoover. Look! This one is done.
It's done!
IT'S DONE!!
Here's the ball. Thank you very much! - I liked that.
See you soon. Now I'll be leaving.
Excuse me.
Oh, duct tape! Oh, clingfilm!
Film, just call it film. - This man...
... tore the task envelope...
... and glued it with spit!
Wham!!
Markl!
We saw that Gilmário took nine minutes...
and fifty-three seconds.
Fernando Mendes took nine minutes...
... and fifty...
... five seconds.
Fifty-five, two more seconds. And this means that...
the winner of the task is...
It means that the winner of the task is Jessica.
Jessica Athayde! - Say it with more enthusiasm!
Please!
Gilmário with 4.
Fernando Mendes with 3 points.
Toy with 2 points.
And Inês with just 1.
And this means that the total scores are what?
12 points for Gilmário, in the lead.
10 points for Toy.
9 for Jéssica, 8 for Fernando, - I'm happier now.
and 6 for Inês.
A round of applause.
So, what happens is that Taskmaster is made up of many tasks completed in my house.
A humble country house that I own. Have you seen it?
A house with a pool, a caravan,
a colour TV that belonged to my grandmother,
and also several paintings of me, a perhaps quite self-centred display on my part.
However...
we also think that the audience here in the studio,
now part of the Taskmaster family
deserves to watch these magnificent five contestants
shining brightly in tasks completed right here in the studio.
And the time is now, my dears.
Lift those gorgeous glutes from the chairs!
Let’s start our first studio task!
Hey, this looks like one of those- ping!
My dear, Nuno Markl
you are holding the studio task.
Are you handing it to someone to read?
I’m handing it to Inês.
Inês. - Me?
"Name a species of bird,"
"eat a gummy, and then shout the name of another contestant"
"within 5 seconds of hearing your own name."
"If you cannot name a species of bird,"
"eat a gummy, and then shout the name of another contestant"
"within 5 seconds of hearing your own name, then you are eliminated."
"You may not name a bird"
"that has already been named."
"Last one standing wins."
What?
This is very simple. Basically, the order you need to memorise is:
bird,
gummy,
name of the next player.
And if you can’t do this in 5 seconds,
this bird, gummy, name operation, you’re disqualified.
Can I?
Who’s starting, Nuno?
We’re starting with Inês, right?
Ok, let’s go. - I think it should be me.
I have a name on the tit of my tongue.
I’m kidding, I’m kidding.
Hawk
Mendes!
Parakeet!
Toy?
Finch.
Who?
Finch! - Name a contestant!
Ah, [David] Fincher!
Jéssica!
Parrot!
Toy!
But we don’t have to eat this, do we?
Sparrow!
Gilmário!
Gilmário, the bird first!
Ostrich!
Who are you naming?
Inês! - Inês.
Vulture!
Jessica!
Chicken!
Mean!
Inês!
Quick!
That’s an elephant.
Inês was disqualified. You’ve got to stand back.
Me?!
You’ve got to stand back.
Let’s do it.
So it’s Gilmário now, right?
Exactly.
Parrot!
I said that one! - Parrot’s been said.
Gilmário, stand back.
You’re disqualified. - Who said parrot?
Me.
Disqualified. You’ve got to stand back.
Jéssica it’s your turn. Markl, the whistle.
Peacock!
Peacock?! - Peacock?
Peacock? - Peacock?
I don’t know what the translation is.
Peacock?!
What is a 'peacock'? What is it called?
It’s a 'pavão', a peacock. - Steak is great with egg on top. [untranslatable play on words]
No, come on…
You’re out, you’re out.
We’ll both go.
Let’s crack on. Toy!
Are you hungry? - Go!
Crow!
Mendes! - Mendes, ah!
Eagle!
Toy!
Thrush!
Thrush me?
Thrush. - Oh the bird!
Quail!
Blackbird!
You can’t spit the gummies out! You can’t spit the gummies out!
Me? You’ve got say the name!
The time’s up, you didn’t say Mendes! - Mendes!
No, I said it. - C'mon, Mendes.
Oh, you did?
Chicken!
Chicken has been said!
Chicken’s been said.
Toy wins.
This means Toy is the king of the birds,
and Toy wins 5 points!
Everybody down!
Mr. Nuno Markl, with these 5 points for Toy,
how are the scores for these 'peacocks'?
Let’s see!
The scores were like this before,
and now we add the 5 points.
Markl, how are we doing?
Toy jumps into the lead with 15 points.
Next, we have Gilmário with 12,
Jessica with 9 points,
Fernando with 8,
and Inês with 6 points.
Nuno, what comes next
in our Taskmasterian line-up?
First of all, what do you have to say about GPS?
About GPS? - GPS.
Well, I think it’s a very useful tool.
Nowadays it’s almost impossible to imagine a world without GPS, isn’t it?
Yes, precisely.
And, perhaps we miss a GPS-less world,
where our sense of direction isn’t given to us.
Sometimes it does us good
to count on nothing
but the sun, the shade, nature,
and the friendly arm of a wonderful person.
Are you talking about yourself?
I'm just giving an example. Let’s proceed.
A lot of Pampas around here.
A favourable environment for snakes.
It's close, it's right there.
My question is:
What’s the point?
Just to walk.
I can’t do anything else.
You look like you were photoshopped into...
into reality.
Lets start by blindfolding you.
Already? Wait a moment… Ok.
I’m right here. I won’t let anything happen to you.
I can’t see. - You shouldn’t.
How many fingers am I holding up?
I don’t even know where I am. - Ok.
Let’s go for a walk.
What’s this? My god.
I don’t even have a stick or anything to poke the ground with.
Argh! Son of a gun.
Am I supposed to fall? - No, no, no.
You’re walking too fast.
Jump? - Jump ahead, jump ahead. Ok, alright.
Lift your leg. - Lift my leg?
I’m so confused.
Is there someone touching me with something, or did we enter the woods already?
Keep calm, keep calm.
OK, keep calm, keep calm, keep calm… keep calm.
What is this?
Little stuff on the ground.
"Wearing a blindfold at all times,"
"travel as far as possible in 3 minutes."
No, no, no. I’m hearing… is this a horse?
It isn’t a horse.
"Markl will be alongside you at all times,"
"because he is an extraordinary human being."
"One of the most extraordinary men"
"in the history of mankind." - Bullshit, that isn’t in there.
"A strong man. Independent, and extremely charming,"
"and extremely cute."
"When removing the blindfold," - That's not written, right?
"after 3 minutes-" It’s all in here. It wasn't me.
You’re asking for it. - "He’s a person..."
Ouch! What’s this? - "When removing the blindfold,"
"then you will have another three minutes"
"to retrace your steps to this place."
"The winner is whoever can get the closest to the starting point."
Ok. - "from the farthest distance."
I have the worst sense of direction in the entire world.
I’ll give you an accessory, which might be helpful.
What is it? - Try to figure it out.
Hold it. Hold it. It's not gross.
Promise me it is not a snake or something.
No, it was in my pocket, I swear.
Bread? - A slice of bread.
A slice of bread?
OK? - Is this going to help me?
Ok, yes, it will help. - Why?
Am I supposed to feed it to something?
Do you want me to leave a trail?
You decide what to do with it.
Maybe someone watching is having some doubts.
Yes, to clarify, this worked as follows...
They started near me.
I then blindfolded them,
took them for a walk in order to disorientate them,
and then arrive at the starting point.
After that, they had 3 minutes to,
whilst blindfolded,
and holding my arm... - Lucky them!
... walk through nature, heading into the unknown.
At the end of the 3 minutes,
they took off the silly goggles,
and they had to get back to the starting point.
This was the idea: getting as close as possible to the starting point.
Who is the first explorer we are going to see?
Well, let’s watch
the silly goggles of the Japanese comic book character
named Jessica Athayde.
Let’s go.
Let’s start! You now lead the way.
Ok. - Ok.
Is this really bread or is it something else?
That’s really bread.
No trees here?
I’m trying to dodge the...
Wait, can we go for a jog?
Yes we can. Better this way.
There are trees in there, you can’t run in there.
No place to run there.
No? - Now you can have a slight run.
Let me handle this. Ok.
This is scary.
This is scary. Careful! There are pine trees ahead.
Your 3 minutes ended. - Ouch! I’m being stung!
Is this someone or is it really plants, here?
I’m exhausted.
Now, you have 3 minutes to return to the starting point.
Is it here?
Did I arrive? Did I arrive? Is this it?
Markl!
I’m stung. - Bloody stinging stuff on my legs.
I'm in the right place, aren't I?
No, it isn’t here, it needs to be more here.
Or not. No, no it’s not. It was more over there.
It was more over here. Here.
Unfortunately, your 3 minutes have ended. - It was here!
I think it was here.
Wasn’t it?
You aren’t going to tell me, are you? Are we far away?
Did the bread have any purpose?
Subtle.
I have thorns all over me. - Me too, all over.
There was a whole, vast open field.
A whole vast, open field.
I dare to say it was football pitch-sized,
and you could stay out in the open, but no.
You chose to head into the Leiria pinewoods.
In the middle of the woods and- - It was more thrilling.
Did you get hurt? - A lot. Quite a lot, quite a lot.
I got two types of injures. Two sections of my body
that got severely injured:
my legs, due to the thorns;
and my corneas, due to Jessica's outfit.
Indeed, looking at the map, now...
I was really convinced I was at the right spot.
From 0-10, how good, on average, do you think your sense of direction is?
I actually thought it was fine.
Fine? OK. - But it clearly isn’t.
Yes.
Markl! - What?
In terms of distances, how was Jessica performance?
So, here is the starting point. Jessica travelled 81.7 metres
into the trees and the pinewoods,
and then recouped
45 metres, after a wonderful spin.
Not sure if you noticed, but she did a scouting knot.
Did you all get that? It was great! - It was magnificent.
She recovered 45 metres from the place of departure.
Forty-five!
Markl, who's up next?
Next we have Gilmário Vemba and Inês Aires Pereira
lost in the scrubland.
Where is the sun?
I’m going to say...
Let me just check something,
alright, this is it.
In front I have the sun.
On my back I have shade. Let’s start.
Let’s go!
Let me just...
I’m going to do like Hansel and Gretel and leave some.
That’s it. That’s it.
I will leave a great chunk of bread here,
and then...
What’s this? - It’s my device. It's my device.
3 minutes is a lot of time.
Ouch! Son of a gun.
If you want to change course…
No, no, no, I’m good. - Ok.
I know it pricks a lot.
You’re going… Do you want to run a bit more? I can do it.
I have a feeling that I’m walking in circles.
What is this? Markl, what is it?
I think it's the nothingness.
Should we stop? - No, no.
Can we go ahead? - Yes.
Be careful of the stinging plants, lift your leg. That's it.
Ok, 3 minutes.
Now you have
another 3 min to…
Try to locate… - ... to return to the starting point.
Go for it.
Aren’t you coming along? - No.
I don’t even know where I put the bread.
Sure.
There was a slower section around here.
I’m trying...
to get closer to the bread.
In this area, maybe?
I must have come from there.
The bread is gone.
Why didn’t I leave more breadcrumbs?
If I find a breadcrumb.
Bread, please. Bread, come to me. Bread!
Markl, help me!
You have 1 minute left.
That's not helpful at all. That's-
Your time is up.
No!
3 minutes.
I’m staying here.
Here? - Yes.
I have a feeling that I started somewhere
around here. I don’t know why, but I'm...
My reasoning was,
if I lose, I lose peacefully.
I get it. - Didn’t run or get stung.
Aren’t you going to tell me if I’m close or not?
Then I'll just walk away.
Yes.
First of all, Gilmário Vemba with his Flash socks, right?
This man has superhero socks,
but during the tasks he's the most reasonable, calm and serene person.
He's relaxed,
and at end he says
"I might lose, but at least I didn’t get stung."
Imagine losing and getting injured.
I understand him completely. - Losing tired?
You don't want that.
My sense of direction is terrible. I have two lefts and two rights.
When the GPS tells me to turn left, I need to know which one.
Yes.
Let’s see what happened to Gilmário.
Let’s see Gilmário on the map. Let’s see it then.
What for? What for? There’s no need!
We must. It will help, since you have no sense of direction.
Gilmário and I traveled 137.1 metres.
And then he didn’t recover anything. He just stayed there and said
he didn’t want to get hurt again.
Went back, turned around...
and ended up at the same place. Zero metres.
Zero. - Zero.
Zero.
Something at the beginning of Inês' task surprised me.
Inês said "so let’s see… ", "the sun, the sun, the shade..."
And I thought, "we have a girl scout right here".
Of course! I thought the same. - But then,
touched a plant and-
[BLOOD-CURDLING SCREAM]
I don’t understand why I failed.
Let’s see what Inês did. Let’s look at the map.
Looking at the map, we can see
that Inês travelled a fearless
126.1 metres.
126 metres and then? - Right.
Then, she went up, god knows why...
and managed to end up an extra two metres away from the starting point.
So she ended up even further away? - Negative 2 metres closer.
Nuno, was that aspect-
How should I say...
Was the additional life experience and maturity,
of Toy and Mendes,
was it a virtue?
Vasco, as Fernandos Mendes himself might say:
If that aspect was a virtue,
then virtue is its own reward.
Let's see.
I’m measuring the distance with something called an odometer.
One minute has passed, hasn't it?
No. - I think it did on my watch.
If an obstacle comes up, let me know.
♪ [Sings a Portuguese folk song] ♪ Sing and I will sing along.
Firm ground up here.
Yes it is. One minute has gone by.
Just one!?
♪ I am walking by the paths of this life ♪
There are cars, buses, the underground, everything. Why should I walk on foot?
And...
Ok. We have arrived at the end. We're at the end.
What do I want this bread for? I’m not hungry.
OK, and... We've arrived.
Now you must get back, within 3 minutes, to the starting point.
I can take those. - Where are we? Portugal?
We travelled pretty far. - Yes, we did.
I hit one of these things.
Ahh! It was here. Here, in here.
Where am I?
I'm going this way, with no fear.
I’m so confused now.
I'll even do a spin here,
just to make you happy.
The stone. I remember this stone, I do.
It was the one I had in my kidney. I’m doing well now, though.
It should be around here.
Around here. One minute to go, right?
Where is the bread?
I made it!
Is that your final position?
Of course it is. - Wow!
I’m missing the bread. - It could have been eaten by birds.
Bread on bread.
Your time is up.
Don’t know if I’m close or not. I got lost.
You're nicely staffed.
Single, but staffed. At the same time.
Of course, of course.
It’s done. - That’s it?
That's it. - Right, then.
Thanks Fernando.
My pleasure!
Can I go now? - Sure.
It’s here, here.
It was more to that side.
Toy, at one point, reminded me
of when people park in shopping centres,
and then forget where they parked. - I know very well what you mean.
No, it’s not in there. No, no, no. Is this the third level basement?
Something like that.
Let’s look at the map. - Let’s see.
Here is Toy's attempt.
How many metres did Toy travel in 3 minutes with you?
Toy travelled 108.7 metres,
Yes.
went down, did a spin and...
You were doing so well, Antonio.
I should have gone more to the side.
He recouped 51.8 metres.
Very good.
That’s good. - That’s good.
Mendes, did you have any clue what you were doing,
or it was pure luck?
First of all, I didn’t understand the bread.
It should have come with some ham or something.
It didn’t cross my mind to drop crumbs so I could get back.
It’s like that old children's story. Hansel and Gretel.
Yeah, I don’t recall that story.
But did you end up far away from everything?
From what I see, I think that I got the closest, but maybe not.
Let's see. Let’s see on the map.
What do you think, Toy? - I think you got close.
There it is, Fernando Mendes' epic journey
112.1 metres.
Look! - There he goes, there he goes.
Look look, the spin! - There’s a spin, a beautiful spin,
and he managed to recoup 98.7 metres.
98.7!
That’s good. - Let's go to the points.
So, Fernado Mendes, 5 points. - Ok.
4 points to Toy,
3 points to Jessica,
2 to Gilmário,
and only 1 to Inês.
So, in terms of total,
accumulated points. How are we then?
Toy is clearly in the lead with 19 points,
then Gilmário with 14,
13 points to Fernando Mendes,
12 to Jessica,
and Inês with...
Don’t say it, don’t say it! Don't say it!
Say it quickly!
7 humble points...
Markl!!
It’s late. I’m pregnant, I’m sleepy, I'm nauseous, I’m taking Nausefe. [anti-nausea medication]
I need to sleep, bye!
So, Markl, it’s time for the next game, right?
Time for the next game that will be about... SPORTS!
You love sports. - I love it, love it.
I’m amazing at the sport we'll see next,
which is basketball... - Let’s go, then.
... with no hands.
I’m seeing a swimming pool. I hope that this doesn’t involve diving.
I'll- I’ll try not to laugh every time I see...
What's up with that face?
I have to open this envelope?
Geez, really? That high?
"Get the basketball through the hoop."
"You may not touch the basketball with your hands. You may not wear gloves..."
"... or anything that could be construed to be gloves."
"Fastest wins. Your time starts now."
You mean right now, now?
Yeah.
So it needs to be with your feet.
But I'll never be able to do it with my feet.
Can I use my elbows?
I’ll have to whistle, Jessica. - Sure.
Whistle! If you want to whistle, whistle!
WHISTLE!
Nuno, basketball, with no hands on the ball,
but everything else is fair game.
Everything else is fair game. Hands on the ball is cheating, but!
You have to see the glass half full. Yes, you can’t touch the ball,
but perhaps Taskmaster is giving you an opportunity to create a new sport
that, one day - who knows? - might be an Olympic sport.
Do you really believe that?
No, no, Vasco. My... my relationship with Olympic sports
is the same as yours with a driving licence:
Non-existent. - Non-existent, right.
So, which of the Globetrotters... will we see first?
We'll start with Gilmário and Fernando Mendes. Let's see.
Well, now. It'd be great if I got it first try.
Let’s give it a first shot.
One...
Wait...
... and two...
Wait...
... and three.
Of course, the hoop is up there and the ball ended up over there.
I’ll just go over there and search for one little thing.
Exactly, without touching with my hands, here it is.
A little kiss.
Yeah, right.
But I can ask you to shoot the ball, right?
You want to use my hands to... - Exactly.
And I actually have to finish this task? - Oui, oui.
Wee-wee can be done over there.
Nice! - Ah, man!
Sorry about that. - That was really intense.
Oh, damn.
Look at me, please. Pay attention. - Yes, yes.
This is how you do it. - Right, right.
I think you missed that on purpose, uncle.
No, I’m really that bad.
Not even someone that bad would throw the ball over there like that.
My friend.
The ball... goes there.
It’s getting bette- Oh, but it won’t work like this, no.
No.
See, this is why I have a bucket.
It also won’t work.
Is there any way I can be of service?
Please.
This is good.
For what? I don't know.
Look at this amazing idea.
Done.
I won’t let you fall.
No, take my foot, my foot.
Come on! - Yes!
I’m so happy. I feel like going for a splash.
Into the bathtub, of course.
Fernando Mendes, I never thought I would say this,
but I’ll say it live on TV: you look really good with a swimming cap.
And it really helped you in this task, right?
It did, it was really important.
When you got the boat... - The boat.
What was your idea?
Take it to the Tagus River and run away. - Exactly.
I have no idea why I got the boat.
So, how long did Fernando Mendes take?
Very well, Fernando Mendes took 18 minutes and 33 seconds.
Eighteen, thirty three. - It wasn't that long, it wasn't.
On the other hand, Gilmário. One of my favourite things was:
he thought "I can't shoot... but Markl can."
WRONG!
Because... - A big mistake, huge mistake.
Gilmário... - I do what I can. I just do what I can.
If there is a person in this country that can’t do anything related to sports,
it's this guy right here. But hey, you actually tried to show him.
Markl's inability to play basketball should be disclosed to you
the moment you come through immigration.
You arrive at the airport, you show your passport,
and they tell you: "Nuno knows nothing about sports".
This way, people would know.
Tell me the name of one team from the NBA.
The... uh...
... Raining Men!
How long did the Raining Men's coach take to get the ball through the hoop?
He took 10 minutes and 33 seconds.
Ten, thirty three. Not bad.
Let me check with my colleagues if that time was good. Was it?
It was good, yes. - I think so, really good.
How was it? - Great.
It wasn't raining, it was good.
It probably wasn't. You said "10 minutes" and Inês just went
... "sigh", out of relief. - Right, right, right.
What do you have for us now, Nuno?
Well, Vasco. In the immortal words of the old carnival's Wall of Death announcer:
"Boldness, audacity, emotion". Let me just say, I feared for his life.
His name... is Toy.
I have to get the basketball through the hoop?
I can’t believe it, I can’t believe it.
What now?
There he goes.
Perfect.
One last try.
Maybe...
No, even worse.
And now it went even further... - Even worse!
I’m screwed.
How will I reach that?
Well, this'll have to do. - Why, why are you taking your shoes off?
I’m going in. - Ok.
But I didn’t bring my swimsuit.
I might have to go and help him.
There he goes.
I’m, I'm not quite sure if... Careful, it may fall.
If it falls, I dive.
You have a lot of agility.
Awesome.
Don't use your hands! Oi, oi.
It went through.
Toy, that was incredible. I'm speechless.
Wasn't the goal to get the ball through? - Yes. Yes, it was. - There.
I deserve an extra point.
Or two!
Nuno Markl, how long did it take Mr. António to get the ball through?
Toy got it in 5 minutes and 56 seconds. - Five, fifty-six.
However, I noticed you went:
“Oi, oi, don’t use your hands!" What was that about?
I think it's worth watching a replay.
And I’ll submit to your judgment to see if we can...
Don’t tell me...
Oh, isn't that a shame? I can’t believe he touched it!
Oh Toy, after all that effort, I just can’t believe it!
Ah man, I can’t believe it!
No, no, no, no! It was the net! - Suck it!
THE NET! - Suck it!
No, only the net!
The net!
Sorry, but no way. No, no, no. This is unfair.
There was no touch on the ball. I'm sure of it.
Toy, calm down, Toy. Don’t ruin your life because of this.
No! It isn't right!
We should fight!
FIGHT FOR TRUTH IN SPORTS!
Toy, calm down. - "Don’t ruin your life."
Calm down. - Let’s go, Toy!
"Don’t ruin your life". - I’ll give my points to the last place,
but I didn't touch the ball.
Thanks, because I’m in last place. Thanks, Toy.
I'll think about it, Toy.
We’ll now see our Tichas Penicheiros. [Portuguese basketball player]
Right. - Ladies, I honestly hope
that you will live up to Ticha's expectations and won't let her down.
Right.
Well, that’s really brave.
I’m already tired.
With my hands, I can do this.
What now?
Wait, let me check something.
This is really weird.
A nice boost.
Son of a gun!
Are you joking?
There is a bigger one?! Two even?!
I’ll take a boat ride.
Does this even float?
You let me go, just like that?
I just know you’ll hit me right in the glasses with that.
Oh, look! That one is really good.
COME ON!
No cheers for that?
Well done. - Done.
I wanna see what Jessica will do.
And there it is. There it is.
I’m really proud, and I believe Ticha Penicheiro, over in the USA, is saying
"My girls!" Well done, well done.
Inês took 7 minutes and 28 seconds. - Seven, twenty-eight.
Oh, I've lost, haven't I?
Jessica took 4 minutes and 27 seconds. - Four, twenty-seven.
I did it in 18.
We have to talk about something, though. - What is it?
We've had some really good scores... - Yes?
Everyone is happy... - Yes?
But... I can see in some of the contestants' eyes an unspoken question,
which is as follows:
Where on earth was that bigger net... - Yeah...
... that Jessica used? - It’s actually intriguing, because
I’ve seen Jessica use it, and she did really well...
Right... - But I haven’t seen anyone else using it.
Perhaps they thought it wouldn’t help at all. - Right, right.
Vasco, Jessica was the first one to do this task.
Right. - Ok.
And without her realising, we left the cameras rolling
for a little bit longer after she ended her attempt.
Warning: the following footage...
... is shocking.
Jessica hid the thing.
I can’t believe it.
Can I hide this from the others?
There she goes.
Is she going to bury it?
Oh, I can’t believe it.
I don't admit to anything... - I would never do it.
Yes, Toy?
I almost died. And if I had died, she would be responsible for that.
That shit was about to fall down, and I would've faceplanted into the pool's edge.
No, no, no... - I wouldn't have let it happen, Toy.
In my defence... - Jessica.
... that wasn’t even in the shed.
If it is in my house, it can be used.
Alright, but it was hidden, like, over there.
Jessica, it was a net. By the pool. - No, no, but...
there were two of them. A shorter one, that everyone used...
Right, a shorter one everyone used... and almost died!
And why did they use it? Because it was in the shed.
And this one wasn’t. - No, but I looked around and couldn't find it.
Gilmário, you look like you are about to blow up.
I would never do it. - I’m shocked.
The only reason I won’t be more aggressive
is because I need my visa to come back here.
Inês, what do you have to say about this?
I would never do it. - You wouldn't?
It's in these moments you really get to know people.
A few moments ago, you were calling her 'friend'. - Yeah, I was.
I will never call her that again.
Hey, this is only a game, people! It's only a game.
Speaking about the game, what are the final scores?
Jessica was the quickest. - So, Jessica was the quickest.
4:27. Toy took 5 minutes and 56 seconds.
Next one was Inês... - Inês.
... with 7 minutes and 28 seconds. - Ok.
It wasn’t that bad. - Worst case, Toy wins
and I'm second. - Gilmário, 10 minutes and 33 seconds.
Gilmário... and Mendes?
Fernando Mendes with 18 minutes and 33 seconds. - Eighteen...
Eighteen, man.
Vasco, you have a sticky situation on your hands.
The so-called 'Toy-gate'. - I just wanna say that
I didn't touch the ball, I touched the net.
The net was between my hand and the ball.
Fellow's going to say you didn't touch it. - Hand of God, Maradona.
This is what we’ll do: Jessica with 5,
Toy will end up with 3,
same to Inês.
I’ll award 2 to Gilmário,
and 1 for our Mendes. - One point is good!
See how I'm happy with it! - And those are the scores for this task!
One! That's good!
Let’s see the scoreboard:
Toy goes up to 22, and who’s next, Nuno?
Jessica with 17 points, Gilmário with 16,
Fernando Mendes with 14, and Inês...
... with a mere 9. - 9 points. A round of applause...
... for our magnificent team!
Next task, Nuno.
Vasco, I have a question for you: how much is one pound?
One pound... One pound...
In Euros, is around 1 Euro and 20 cents.
I’m not talking about those pounds.
Oh, the other ones. - Yes, exactly those.
Those ones which we love here at Taskmaster,
to mess with our contestants’ heads. - It’s the other ones.
♪ "Here I go, here I go, on the way to another game..." ♪
This feels like Dexter.
Welcome! - I really don’t like this.
This looks like the kind of place where people get chopped up.
Oh, Mister, how are you? Are you fine? - Another task, another envelope.
This is a scale. - It is.
I don’t want to weigh myself now! I don’t want to weigh myself.
"Make this scale read exactly 70lbs."
Lbs? Lbs? - Lbs is pounds.
"The weight must remain the same for at least 5 seconds."
"Fastest wins."
"Your time starts now."
It is 70lbs, ok?
Has it started yet? - Do you want me to go with you...?
Be right back! - Make yourself at home.
How would I know what 70lbs is?
Come on, everyone knows that 1lb is 0.45359237kg.
Exactly what I’m always saying. - Of course.
Don’t you tell me that was hard for these five.
No, no-one knows that.
Hard? Hard? Nonsense. Heavy forbid.
Let’s start with Jessica and Gilmário.
Right.
I’ll start with my shoe. Sorry for the stinky feet.
Alright, but if I go on top...
I have no idea how much 70lbs is, I’m so dumb.
Nothing. Zero.
This isn’t heavier than me. Hold on.
Put one foot, one foot. Ok. Stay there.
Not enough.
Have I run out of time? No? - No no, you haven’t run out of time.
Easy, easy now, uncle Nuno.
Just a bit more...
Damn.
Wait!
"You can leave".
This is mocking me.
Well, I’ve got an idea.
This is what will give me the kilos I need.
I see, I see.
I’m getting it now. This is genius.
Slowly, don’t breathe now.
One, two, three, four, five.
Salt to taste is set. 3 kilos for a well-seasoned piece of meat.
It’s difficult to work with measurements when we have no idea what they are, isn’t it?
So, Gilmário did the task in 13 minutes and 21 seconds,
and Jessica did the task in 8 minutes and 21 seconds.
Eight twenty-one.
So, who’s next? - Up next are two masters of tenderness,
managing the weight of the scale with the care of a goldsmith.
Woah!
This should be about 20lbs...
Geez! - Damn!
He’s a genius. On every level. He said 20lbs...
Excuse me. Let’s see.
I have no idea who owns this clock but if it's from the landlord...
Eighteen. Very well.
This is gonna take a few days. I’ll be right back.
Since the bathroom was nearby, I also brought this.
I believe that…
Not like that. It has to stay on zero for 5 seconds. Seventy, zero zero.
There it is, there it is.
This is a good idea.
I've never seen anything like this.
Ok. I’m starting to understand. A little bit more.
One, two...
Look, look, I’m the champion. I’ll win this.
Seventy! - One, two, three, four, five.
Time. - Unbelievable, unbelievable.
♪ [Traditional Portuguese song] ♪
What a champ. No one did this as fast as me.
Be right back! Let’s go to the next one, I don’t fear anyone. Let’s go!
I believe the biggest winner of this task is Toy’s dentist.
Mendes. - Yes?
You’re convinced, at least from what we saw there, that you won this task.
Only over there.
In here, I don’t believe that.
How long did Fernando Mendes take?
Fernando Mendes took 7 minutes and 21 seconds.
Nice! - It’s good, isn’t it?
What about Toy?
Toy did it in 6 minutes and 55 seconds.
Let’s go, Toy! - Yeah, Toy!
We’re down to... - Why am I the last one?
It’s what's written here. Just you left. - Because I took 20 minutes?
Inês Aires Pereira, let's go. - I took 20 minutes.
Let me see that thermometer. That counter, can I?
Yeah, sure. - This is too heavy, isn’t it?
I’m remembering now!
Oof, this is too much!
Am I going to have to strip myself?
Your glasses.
Without glasses, I don't see a thing.
One,
two,
three,
four,
five!
Bam!
No? Have I lost? - It should be seventy.
What does it say there? Without my glasses, I can't see.
Zero point seventy. - Are you serious right now?
It has to be seventy point zero zero.
Come on, Markl, and you didn't tell me I was doing this wrong?
I’ll have to go and get more stuff, right?
Right…
Come to me!
They carry it for me.
Ok, ok.
Right there. You can put it down, my love.
Well done.
Bunch of hunks working for me- sorry, love,
can you put it down right here? Can you do it?
Ok.
Damn.
This way, I can’t confirm...
We’ll take out some nuts.
One, two, three, four,
FIVE!
Oh, the thermomet- the chronometer!
Inês, I don’t understand why you are removing the nuts,
when you have a wooden plate, that you could take a bite out of?
Inês, you took 9 minutes and 1 second.
F*ck.
You did it in less time than me.
What are the final scores?
Gilmário ends up with 1 point. - 1 for Gilmário.
Inês ends up with 2 points. - 2 for Inês.
Lucky at cards, unlucky in love.
Jessica, 3 points.
Fernando Mendes ends up with 4 points,
and Toy, 5 points.
A round of applause, and let's see the total scores.
Toy is ahead with 27 points, followed by Jessica.
Toy isn't ahead, he's racing on his own.
18 points is the score of Fernando Mendes.
17 for Gilmário Vemba,
and Inês Aires Pereira has 11 points.
It's time for the final task, with it being, once again, a studio task.
But why? Why? No-one will overtake Toy.
A round of applause for the five magnificent contestants.
It’s time for our last task, a studio task, here at Taskmaster.
Markl, you already have the envelope with the task. Who will you give it to?
I’ll deliver it to Toy, who is leading. - Ok.
It should be me, since I’m the last placed.
It could had been, but unfortunately it wasn’t.
Toy, what is the task?
"Complete the 5-syllable words that will be started by the Taskmaster."
"Honk if you believe that you know what word he is saying."
"If you get the word right after the Taskmaster"
"says one syllable, you’ll get 5 points."
"If you get it after two syllables, you'll get 4 points."
"3 syllables, 3 points."
"And 4 syllables gives 2 points."
"You’ll only get one chance per word."
There are a lot of points up for grabs in this last task.
Let's go? Pick up your horns.
Let's go. - Ok.
Let’s start with the first word.
Innn...
Yes?
Ingestion
Wrong.
Oh, what a pity, Jessica. What a pity.
Put your horn on your head.
With everyone watching me like this?
I’ll carry on.
Diii...
Yes, Mendes?
I have no idea.
Innn... Diii...
Fffe...
Toy?
Indifferent.
Indifferent!
Wrong.
Unavailable.
Ffe- Yes?
Gilmário?
Indefinite!
Wrong.
Innn...
Diii...
Fffe...
Rennn...
Ccce...
I had already said the full word. Zero points to everbody.
You can put the horn.
Oh, Oh, Oh. - Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
Get back to your place, Inês Aires Pereira.
It’s better if you give up.
Let’s go to the second word.
Nnne...
Negligent!
And look at that, it’s wrong!
Put the horn on your head.
Nnne...
Ccce...
Toy?
Necessary!
Wrong.
His necessity!
Wrong.
Do I need to put this in my head?
Nnne...
Ccce...
Ssii...
Riii...
But it has already been said.
His necessity?
Hasn’t it already? - It’s wrong.
It’s wrong. I had said it.
If it isn’t, what is it?
Nnne... Ccce...
Ssii...
-tity?
No!
Her necessity.
Next word!
Let’s keep going forward!
This is going well for everyone.
Let’s go!
Hands on your horns, please.
And the word is...
Ddde...
Monnns...
Gilmário?
Demonstrative!
Goddamnit!
Very well, 4 points. 4 points for Gilmário.
Very well!
Gilmário man!
This desmonstrated to everybody
that the schooling system in Angola isn’t that bad.
On to the next one.
And the word is...
Innn...
Commm...
Toy?
Incompetent!
Wrong.
Horn on your head! - Horn on your head!
So, I was at...
Innn... Commm...
Yes?
Incontinent!
Wrong, Jessica.
Horn on your head!
Inn... Commm...
Cluuu...
Yes?
Inconclusive!
Absolutely right! - It’s indeed correct! 3 points, 3 points.
3 points for Inês.
You know that Inês even alone was...
I should had been awarded ten already!
Exactly what I was going to say!
Innn...
Hey!
Perrr...
Imperceptible!
Horn on your head. - Wrong, Inês.
I wouldn't have won anyway.
Inexcusable!
Wrong.
Inescapable!
My horn, my horn is…
Wrong, Mendes. - Here, have it.
Did you say something, Gilmário?
Do you want to guess it?
Impenetrable!
Wrong.
Toy, you're the last!
Innn...
Horn on your head!
Perrr...
Impertinent!
It’s correct!
It’s indeed correct!
He heard it from the crowd!
You’ve already won!
3 points!
Well, it’s time for the final word.
It’s the last one!
Connns...
Tannn...
Gilmário?
Constance!
Horn on your head.
It’s someone's grandmother.
Are you squeezing it? - She Is.
You heard?
I did
Do you want to take a guess?
Constantly!
Wrong, Inês.
Connns...
Tannn...
Constan?
Tiii...
Constantinople!
It’s correct!
Three points for Toy!
You’re absolutely correct, Toy!
3 points for Toy! Well done!
Tinople?
I also don’t know, Mario.
And just like that, we've come to the end to the word game.
Some more points were given out.
Let’s see how it affects the scoreboard.
An applause to our five magnificent contestants!
Everyone, please come down so we can do the maths!
Now we have to see, or confirm,
who is the winner of tonight’s Taskmaster.
A big round of applause, because tonight’s winner is...
Our Toy! Toy, our winner tonight!
This means that he’ll go home with
the prize pool of tonight's Taskmaster.
Which includes the ripped underwear of Gilmário,
the dirty nappy from Inês Aires Pereira...
From my daughter!
... Jessica Athayde’s hair-styler,
the photograph from the artwork of Toy’s aunt's record,
and...
the ham of Fernando Mendes! That has already been eaten!
A round of applause for Toy!
The only thing left is to ask,
Markl...
What have we learned today? - What have we learned today?
We’ve learned a lot.
If life gives you lemons,
make lemonade.
If it gives you a hoop,
then go on an escapade.
Hoses on ducks,
just make them wet.
You won’t need Poirot
if you’re missing the net.
If in a sticky situation you are caught,
call Antonio so he can bite it off.
Balls stuck on pipes
are no obstacle,
because with a vacuum cleaner...
you'll se that you’ll get
SPECTACLE!
This was Taskmaster! We’ll be back next week!
Stay well, and bye-bye!
TASKMASTER WORLDWIDE INCORPORATED
EUROPEAN PORTUGUESE TEAM TIME PORTUGUÊS EUROPEU
ENGLISH TRANSLATION AND SYNC BY RODRAMOS, MAFFU, ODAJOANA,
VILKAV, ABATISTA AND CLAUD
PROOFREAD BY CRIMSONFOX AND TASKMASTER.INFO
SPECIAL THANKS TO PANDAROBOTO
NO ORCAS WERE HARMED DURING THE MAKING OF THESE SUBTITLES.
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