AAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Defense, Markl!
How horrible.
I don't know if I hate it, or if it's the best thing I've ever seen.
I misunderstood all of this, didn't I?
Of course I did...
"This is pushing the limit a bit. Or not?"
[Markl] Thank you very much.
Cordial greetings, and welcome to Taskmaster!
It's tonight's Taskmaster,
where another decisive step will be taken towards conquering the trophy of trophies:
It's actually my head. Markl, show them my head.
Be careful. Soon I'll want you to be Taskmaster's Lenka. Okay? [Portuguese The Price is Right assistant]
It's a golden version of my head
that would go well in any living room.
Preferably in the middle of the room
with spotlights focused right on my head.
And one of the four people who are sitting here
will be able to, at the end of this second season,
take my head home.
- [Markl] The boy wants to talk. - Boy? I'll speak with you in a bit.
- I can't win? - What? The trophy?
- Yes. - [Vasco & Markl] No.
[Vasco] Salvador.
I'll give you a small Snickers and a peach Compal.
- [Vasco] Okay? - [Gilmário] Do it.
Then count me in!
Salvador wants to win.
Before giving gifts to Salvador,
I feel obligated to salute the individual sitting beside me,
who's in a contractually smaller chair.
Ladies and Gentlemen, your sweet applause for Nuno Markl!
- Thanks! - [Salvador] Wonderful Markl!!
- Thanks, Salvador. - [Gilmário] You won't win, Salvador.
Salvador!
So, let's meet tonight's magnificent five.
Let's start with a woman who already knew what she wanted to be when she was a kid.
Just the other day, I saw a wonderful video of Catarina Furtado [actress/presenter]
calling to the stage, in Porto, a 10 year old Inês.
And who would have guessed that such an angelic little girl
would become, in some tasks, Beelzebub in person?
Ladies and Gentlemen, Inês Aires Pereira!
Thanks!
Up next, a man who isn't just an amazing guy, but also a huge comedic talent
who travels around the entire country, performing in his sold out shows.
And he says that he really has to do them,
because only Beyoncé can stop for 2 or 3 years.
Gilmário, she might be Beyoncé,
but she doesn't lock Markl in a shed like you do. [S02E01]
Ladies and Gentlemen, Gilmário Vemba!
Up next, a woman who confessed that one of the first things she was told
when she started to work as an actress was:
"Kissing a man, a woman, or a wall, is the same thing."
Jessica, let me tell you that I recently caught Markl French-kissing stucco.
- It isn't quite the same thing. - No, it's not.
Ladies and Gentlemen, Jessica Athayde!
[Markl] It isn't the same thing.
In our fourth chair, a man that is so beloved in his hometown
that he was once was called to give a pep talk
to Vitória FC players after their coach got fired.
Careful, Mourinho.
Attention, Ruben. Get out of the way, Paulo Fonseca.
One of these days, we'll have in football Mister Toy!
It's true.
And finally, he's already made himself heard.
And we're glad. One of the biggest names in comedy.
A friend, and for the last few months, one of my tennis buddies.
I really enjoy people who value the good things they do.
And Salvador's like that.
When he scores a nice point, he shouts, "Beautiful!"
And it's beautiful that he's here.
Ladies and Gentlemen, Salvador Martinha!
- Beautiful! - Thank you.
Let's see how our five performed in the always surprising home task.
And this week, what was the request?
This week, we asked the kiddos
to bring us the best thing to hang on a wall,
that you wouldn't normally hang on a wall.
An inspired request, or it wouldn't have been proposed by me.
- Very well. - Of course.
- Hello, Inês.
So, I suffer from prejudice whenever I get a new boyfriend.
People are like, "So, what was your past like?"
And when I talk about my past, they're like, "Damn!"
All of a sudden, doesn't it seem like Inês is in therapy?
So I think that it would be a really cool thing
if people would hang... like, at the entrance, on the wall near the door
a list of their ex-boyfriends, and the past just would stay there.
You would hang a list of your ex-boyfriends on your wall?
Yes, so when you go over, you already know what you're dealing with.
Stop it! Stop! I forgot that you would put it up like that!
- Of course! - No one can know that I've dated Ryan Gosling!
No one can know!
There's something really funny here, which is:
The first exes on the list sound like Big Brother contestants.
"I want to nominate João F."
[Inês] I was counting on that one!
Fiction and reality are well mixed here.
- You don't know about my life, Salvador! - [Markl] Does she think it's real?
Doesn't this put pressure on your David?
[Salvador] Vasco, I'm sorry.
David is... her husband is there as an ex!
[Vasco] Good question, right?
[Markl] No, but look...!
- I'm sorry. - [Gilmário] That's awesome.
- And we're back to therapy. - [Gilmário] But the current one isn't there!
- Back to therapy. - Where is he?
You want to say something? Lie on the couch.
- Thank you, Inês. - Now everyone knows!
Applause for the exes of Inês Aires Pereira.
Gilmário Vemba, what have you brought?
So, I wanted to hang something that...
Like... Basically, a necessity.
Because I've been doing a lot of shows,
I almost don't have time to take care of my kids,
and when I get home, I'm really tired.
But I wanted to stay on my feet and give them attention
while I was sleeping, and they would think, "No, dad is awake."
So I wanted to hang a pillow on my wall,
so when I got home, I could lean like this.
[Jessica sneezes]
Ah, okay. Okay.
[Jessica sneezes again]
The pillow must have mites. Because Jessica sneezed on sight.
- Will you sneeze again now? - It must be.
- Just full of mites. - [Vasco] And they came through the giant screen. Incredible.
- Jessica. - I would like to start by saying
that perhaps I didn't quite understand what you had asked.
I believe that the future is for the children.
- Okay. - That's beautiful. - Yes.
I believe it. And I have a nephew
who came to me last year, really happy, with a drawing.
A drawing that he had to copy, of some brushes.
- Okay. - And this is what he did.
I thought it was so artistic that I kept it on my wall.
[Inês] Amazing!
- [Salvador] So cool. So cool. - [Inês] That's amazing!
I remember that the task was
- what you would hang on the wall that you wouldn't hang on a wall. - [Gilmário] Wait, wait.
- It isn't that normal. - [Gilmário] Seeing that...
...painting, it's really important
to see this painting professor. Like, how exactly does he teach?
Which brush does he use to paint?
Because that isn't right.
I'm getting confused between Inês' list and the painting.
What have you brought?
I also brought something that...
The pillow idea is good, but it's not enough.
Something way more important.
Inspired by the current political affairs of Portugal,
and inspired by the intellectual capacity of some politicians...
[Jessica snores]
Let my dear Toy speak. Toy, go ahead.
- It's a political framing. - You have my attention.
It's all just bullshit talk. Show them.
- [Vasco] Okay. - [Markl] Okay, okay.
- [Salvador] And you put it right...? - [Toy] In my mother-in-law's room.
Applause for Toy's toilet. ♪ Toy's Toilet ♪
Salvador Martinha.
Before anything else, thank you for this opportunity.
I congratulate my peers on their efforts.
Now let's talk about reality.
I bring a real proposal that you can add...
I don't know if you've heard of this doll, a golden cat called "Maneki-neko."
- [Markl] They give you their arm. - Maneki-neko is a lucky cat.
[Vasco] Okay.
And I propose luck to everyone who goes in and out of my house.
Applause for Salvador. Thank you, Salvador.
[Gilmário] But, look...
It's what I had.
The lucky cat didn't bring much luck to Salvador. He gets one point.
- Tough. A tough start. - Maneki-neko just says goodbye.
- True. - [Inês] "That damn Maneki-neko!"
Some say that poo brings good luck. Toy gets two.
Gilmário's pillow gets 3. Inês, 4 points with her exes.
And your nephew gets 5 points.
Let's move on to our task parade
where these five souls demonstrate all sorts of physical and intellectual prowess.
Or, alternatively, a total and complete misunderstanding
of what we've asked of them.
Markl, what will we start with?
We'll start with a nice walk.
Or, at least, that's what I thought
these five individuals would do
when faced with what was asked of them. But...
These people always astonish.
May Our Lord God bless them for that.
Hello there, Nuno!
Well, hello there! It's such a pleasure!
What's up?
Look what a nice day it is!
It's true!
Is this a beeper?
[Markl] Not quite.
Now, what you have there is...
It's a boot, isn't it?
- A stray boot! - [Markl] Something with...yes.
- It's like one of those nights, isn't it? - [Markl] It is.
A bootie.
Augusto Aguiar [street] in Lisbon. Just a boot.
- A boot, yes. - What happened? - It's strange, right?
And sometimes it's high heels.
No.
Boots and shoes aren't my thing.
Good morning.
And how about when there's also just a glove?
- Then there's been a crime. - Probably.
"Record the highest number on this pedometer."
What's a pedometer? Is it this thing?
[Markl] It's a device that counts steps.
Fuck. I don't even know what a pedometer is.
"You have 20 minutes."
"Your time starts now."
But what's the boot for?
I don't know. I don't get this.
As usual.
How does this register the steps?
Very well. A pedometer, as the name suggests,
- registers your steps, right? - Yes.
It registers a person's number of steps.
But, to these creative minds, steps weren't enough.
Basically, what did we want?
We wanted to pass the message that exercise is good for you.
- [Vasco] True. - We always have good intentions.
And in return, what do we get?
We get Jessica Athayde.
But this isn't...
I shouldn't be doing any of this, should I?
Am I seriously going to have to run around for 20 minutes?!
I misunderstood all of this, didn't I?
Of course I did...
What about some music, so that I feel like...
Like I'm at the gym, or something.
This way, it even records twice!
I'm not doing it right, am I?
You know, you guys are being terrible.
I've done enough tasks wrong, this season.
Oh man, that's wonderful! I hadn't thought of doing it like that!
It stopped working.
It's at 760, and it's not going further than 760.
Does it really not go past 760, or did I break it?
I won't be put at a disadvantage!
Ah, it's counting again.
Are you kiddi...really. This one is really cruel of you.
Who will bring me something so I can break this open and take out the batteries?
Look, I think... You know what I think? How I could win this?
I could just break this. I'm the first one doing the task.
That way, no one else can do the task!
For the record, it's at 1,491.
But look, now...
1,502.
See? No one else is using this shit now.
Let's not judge it too hastily.
- No. - No.
The idea was for there to not be any possible material...
- [Jessica] And I'd win. - And if there were no material, you'd win the task.
- Naturally. - By that logic,
for example, during my practice with Salvador. Tennis.
I walk up to Salvador, hit him in the face with a skate, and I've won!
- How many steps were you on? - They were 1,502.
- 1,502! - [Vasco] 1,502? - [Markl] 1,502.
- She was on 1,502. - [Salvador] Ah...
[Salvador] Forget it.
[Markl] It's time for Toy and Inês, both with brand new pedometers
at their disposal, so the crime wasn't worth it, Jessica.
The crime isn't worth it! Now, what did they do with those pedometers?
That's what we're going to see.
Maybe I need to press something.
How does this work? Is it by walking?
Can I make someone run for me?
I'm not going to do this for 20 minutes!
Because I don't have...
That doesn't work.
What if I...throw it?
I'll just throw it.
I'm just doing the same shit!
I walk, but it's not counting!
It's supposed to.
This shit deserves 5 points!
No, I'm not meant to do the task like this, surely...
I'm being dumb, for a change.
I don't think I'm supposed to do it like this.
If so, I've already lost, because Toy is already like...
Isn't he?
It turned off.
413.
But this tires me out, too!
It turned off!
Zero. Now that the battery's working, it's at zero.
It's at zero!
It's working, now.
I'm going to start from zero. From here to the end, I'll get to 700.
I'm Carla Andrino! Let's play! [ballet background; S01E06 guest]
It stopped again.
I have the feeling that I'll be very frustrated, at the studio.
Someone's going to do something, and I'll go: "Damn...!"
"I worked up a sweat..."
"Doing..." ...Eh?
What? It's counting backwards?!
1400!
That's it. Look, I swear, I...
Oh man, really?
Oh man, really?!
Look, I can't even put this shit in.
I call this task...
"Ruin someone's life."
But I won't go crazy.
Ciao.
And what was the other number?
Do you want the truth?
It was like...
785.
It wasn't at 1000.
Right, I'm telling the truth, so I won't get penalized.
Done?
780-something...
Add up 785 and 685...
And 440.
[Markl] Good Lord.
Inês, you said, "Ah, well, I'm going to get frustrated, at the studio
maybe I'll end up getting frustrated with this."
Are you frustrated or not?
Up until now, I'm cool.
Let's talk numbers. What did you say that they added up to?
I don't remember anymore.
[Markl] I have the numbers here.
What you claim, Inês, is 785 plus 685 plus 440,
which would add up in total to 1910 steps.
That's okay.
Is that not true?
Officially, she registered 242 steps.
No! Look... No, hang on!
[Vasco] 242.
- No! Because I threw it, and it turned off! - [Vasco] Yes.
And then I threw it again. More slowly. I thought, "This time, nothing'll happen."
- And it turned off again. - Right.
- So, what counts? It's the... - Why did you throw it?
Huh?
- Because I was tired. I couldn't handle it anymore. - [Vasco] Yes, why... ah, yes.
- 242. - 242. That's what we'll score you on. - That's fine!
- [Vasco] Alright. 242. - Oh, she's so chill about it!
Regarding Toy. Toy, I saw a lot of techniques there. My favourite...
- Is it the tennis one? - No, it's the boot one.
It was great.
Because that's how pedometers work, right?
The pedometer thinks, "Wait a minute, is this a foot?"
- Do you have Toy's stats? - Yes, sir, I do.
The end result was 507 steps.
- [Inês] Man, that's a lot. - [Vasco] 507.
- I had no idea. - [Markl] 507 steps for Toy.
- Damn. - He used the boot.
- You look like you... - [Vasco] Inês.
- No. - [Vasco] What's wrong, Inês?
He's annoying me. He looks like he did a lot, and he's teasing me like...
- [Vasco] Who? Gilmário? - [Inês] It's mean of him.
- [Markl] He was kind. He meant well. - [Vasco] Do you want to see Gilmário? - I do.
Gilmário and Salvador, a collective with the name of a lift company
owned by someone named Gil.
Let's see the tasks from the duo that I call "Gilvador." ["elevador" = elevator]
[Gilmário in task] How does it count?
It's supposed to register...
- The steps? - Your steps.
Do I have to wear the boot?
No, the boot is mainly illustrative.
Oh, it's already at 17.
Is this what I'm supposed to do?
But what ups the count?
Do I really have to run for 20 minutes?
- You can run, or find other ways to register a large number. - Ah!
What's the count at?
Go faster!
220... steps.
What if I drive in a car?
- Ah! - It needs to register steps, right?
Unless you have a car like in The Flintstones.
What's this piece of junk?!
Are you kidding?
You all are messing with me!
[Salvador in task] Piece of junk!
Spriiiiiiiint!
- Incredible. - What a great sprint!
I think Toy's too old for this.
- Inês had a baby recently. - Yes.
And exercise isn't Jessica's thing.
Jessica looks like an old lady when she runs, doesn't she?
Exactly!
Look!
This might be good, huh?
325. Oooh, this boy's learning!
We're going all in!
I may be calling moles to the surface.
That's true, they could pop up. They could pop up.
It's a ritual.
Inês...
And Toy...
- It's weird, isn't it? - Turning my back while doing this is weird, isn't it?
Defense, Markl!
- Sorry. Habit. - It's okay.
- Does it work that way? - With intensity, it does!
It looks like... it looks like you're applauding me. I feel...
- Super... Thank you. - Incredible, genius! I'm complimenting you!
- Markl, I want to take this moment to praise you. - Thank you.
You're one of the best comedians.
- Go. - Like this, right?
I gave it my all.
Oh, Jesus!
If you just pedal your feet...
I need to have something... to entertain my feet...
What if I throw it in the air? It's at 917.
How was it?
- 917. Ridiculous! - That's cruel.
Look, it's sensory.
And he's going for the final shot...!
We've lost him.
Maybe if I had music...
Busting Nuno Markl's defense! He shoots!
Incredible!
These are the worst days of my life.
I don't get close to people playing football, because I know I'll get hit.
A save by Markl!
But my question is, could there be a smarter way of doing this?
Like, faking it on Photoshop.
You take a picture of me.
It'll be super realistic.
Sure! It'll still be registing a number!
Nobody said it had to be true.
Let's set it at its maximum. It should be 999.
- Turn it, turn it. - 9999.
Okay. It's done.
4 minutes and 20 seconds.
No, no, no, no...
I'm very scared. You're not acting like yourself. I don't recognize you.
You've got a weird look in your eyes.
This broke him. We broke him.
Gilmário!
It looks cool, doesn't it?
It's good.
It's nice.
- Isn't it? - You'll present that as your task?
Yes! I liked my idea.
I could be doing this...
but I don't think it would be as interesting an effort, intellectually.
And I mean, if this was actually an athletic effort,
you'd call athletes, right? You'd have Obikwelu, right? [retired Olympic sprinter]
20 minutes!
There's intense speed!
There's intense movement!
- That's what counts... for... - It's over.
Sit down. Sit down!
4,000!
Wow!
How do I stop this?
Thank you, Nuno.
Sometimes, you feel like a father to me.
Was this lemon squeezed, or just humiliated?
- I have no idea. - I think this lemon was humiliated.
Like, "Cry more, you son of a bitch!" And it like... this is awful!
If you don't mind, I'd like to ride the bike.
- No, no, no, no. - Okay.
- If you want, you can go on a ride. - Okay.
She's in great shape.
Alright, Salvador. Thank you.
- You're welcome. - We need to get to the next task.
Uh... Farewell.
No!
[Markl] Ah. What a shame.
- Be honest, Vasco. - You never cease to amaze me.
First, your dance style. Very Olga Roriz, let me tell you. [choreographer/dancer]
- Yes, yes. - I liked it. Also, would you demonstrate, so people understand
that that wasn't special effects? It's something you can do live.
- I can. No music? - No music. Better that way.
Watch out for the mic.
- [Vasco] It's part of it. - [Markl] Incredible.
[Markl] The mic's part of the set.
Explain your Photoshop idea to me.
I think this is a matter of phrasing.
- What it said, I'm serious about this, it said "record." - Yes.
I recorded a number. 9999.
Yes. By the way, let's recall everything the task said.
- It said "record-" - This isn't good news for me, is it? - No. Horrible.
"Register on this..."
- Pedometer. - Yes. - And I did that!
[Markl] I think you recorded a photo.
The question about Salvador is, if we looked at the pedometer, would it say 9999?
That's up in the air.
Gilmário, you didn't come up with a technique that would trick us,
or would fake a number on the pedometer. You said,
"I will do this, because I'm an athlete."
I'm honest, really. Above all, we need to be honest...
Since I'm an excellent solo player on the field,
I said, "Why not take this moment to be a great sportsman,
just me and the ball."
Could I just ask you to stand over there, please.
Now, I'll ask you to run forwards, like Inês Aires Pereira.
- [Markl] Exactly. - [Vasco] Okay...
Now, like Jessica Athayde.
You already know the ending: how does Toy run?
Thank you, Gilmário Vemba.
Now, did Gilmário record the most steps?
Gilmário recorded 2481 steps.
[Vasco] Very good!
Then after that, there's Toy.
There's Toy, very good.
[Markl] With 507.
[Vasco] And then Inês, right?
[Markl] Then Inês, with 242.
[Vasco] Okay. Very good.
- Is the scoring finished? - What? How come?
Relax. You both followed a different path.
- I recorded it! - [Salvador] It hurts, doesn't it?
What I saw in the end, was the pedometer you broke.
And what I saw from you, was a pedometer that you decided,
"I'm going to make it read, using the numbers on my phone,
999999999."
- Jessica. - I mean, it was good drama for the show.
It was. But Taskmaster is a show about honesty.
And I don't want to see broken pedometers.
- So, 5 points for Gilmário. - Thank you. - 4 points for Toy.
3 points for Inês, 2 for Salvador, and 1 point for Jessica Athayde.
How are the scores, my dear Nuno?
[Markl] At this point, Gilmário is leading with 8 points,
showing that the effort of running really is worth it.
Then, it's Inês, with 7 points.
Tied with 6 points, Toy and Jessica.
And right at the bottom...
- You guys are mean. - But a beacon of creativity and talent.
- [Salvador] And subjective! - He's so happy in his photo! - Yes, yes, yes.
If I knew I'd end up like this, I'd have changed the photo.
This last week has been particulary difficult for you,
my dear Nuno, here on Taskmaster. And I'm aware
that the majority of that was due to the next task.
Even now, I still feel the aftereffects
of the five dramas I experienced from these people,
during this task.
It was hard.
It was... ugly.
It was...
I'm impressed.
When there's money, there's money.
They got the caravan from Breaking Bad.
Sweet.
Oh?
Where's Markl?
Oh, man!
What a huge joke. We may be in a mess, here.
A sealed letter from the king.
"Markl is in the living room."
"In 20 minutes, you must apologise to Markl
for something you have done to him during that time."
"Best apology for the worst thing wins."
"Your time starts now."
I'll be right back.
Little glowing eyes! Inês' eyes are glowing.
This was awful. It's tough!
This is so easy.
It's super easy.
Poor thing.
I'm still processing this.
I've never done anything to hurt Markl.
What should I do? I've already done so many things to him.
I need Inês' brain right now.
I think she'll do something really malicious to Markl.
Stick my...
[Toy] You're so perverted.
Inês almost fooled me with her sincerity.
"Poor Markl."
So: apologizing is important and beautiful.
Vasco, I think that's incredibly beautiful, but I also remember that old saying:
- "Don't ask for apologies; avoid them." - Right.
Let's see what Gilmário Vemba did to me.
Hey, Markl.
I brought you a snack.
Here you go.
Is this your apology?
Well, it's actually just a part of my apology.
But no matter what else, I want you to know that
I have a great admiration of you.
You're an incredible person.
Okay. Thank you.
So...
Why are there 3 euros here?
Yes, I just thought that...
It's a financial offer?
It's more like... an advance, right?
On what you'll need later.
What I need is for you to forgive me.
Okay.
- Can you? Beforehand... - Yes, yes.
These are my favorite things.
[Markl & Gilmário] There's bread, there's chips.
- And there's also Gilmário, so... - Okay, okay.
You didn't pee on the chips, right?
No, no.
I think not.
That would have been a good bad deed, but no.
I also need you to... put on this blindfold for me.
- I think... - Are you going to throw me down the stairs?
- No, no. - Am I going to feel any pain?
Ummm... You will.
I'm happy you've already forgiven me for this.
Will whatever this is bring me trouble?
Yeah.
Fuuuuuuuuck.
You already forgave me, Markl. Already...
I think we resolved this problem inside.
This really is my car, isn't it?
Ouch...
There's a face here... an emoji.
Did you make the emoji on the inside or the outside?
Yes, and your glasses are in here. You forgot them...
Ah...
Ah!
Fuck!
The idea was a party that we could just... have in here.
And we're like... wooooo!
But I'm happy that you've already forgiven me.
It's not doing much good, is it?
I think you should use those three euros to go to those washing machines.
Probably.
To wash this thing.
So, I felt that Gilmário was feeling genuinely guilty
for what he did. What did you think?
- I think he was... - I really was. - He was very sad.
He was a very sad person.
But, not as sad as me.
No, but I gave you 3 euros after that whole...
[Vasco] To wash the car.
Well, this concept of doing the worst thing possible
to Markl could be troublesome. That's the truth.
And I feel that we won't have any similar ideas to something we've already seen.
- No. - So who comes next?
Someone who, normally, is a very sweet person.
And now I ask: they no longer are?
No. But... "sweet" is still the key word here.
Let's see Toy.
Hello!
So... I know you really like chocolate, and I didn't want to annoy you, but...
Which is true.
Toy, that was very...
Sorry, Markl.
That was very fast.
A father knows.
[Toy in task] Wait, wait.
Markl. Wait, wait.
I'll make it up to you now.
I'll make it up to you now, Markl.
Markl.
Here you go, dear. I'm sorry.
Sorry! Sorry!
I'm sorry, my dear. So sorry.
- Does the bathroom have good water pressure? - I'm sorry!
I cry for you, Markl. I'm sorry!
- You're forgiven, Toy. - Oh, thank you!
No, these things can happen.
Do I have something on my nose?
Goodbye.
Thanks, Toy. Thanks.
It's super cold.
I'm going to need new underwear.
I'm sorry!
Man, I don't know where to start.
You start by beating the egg whites...
You must separate the yolks from the whites.
Next up is Jessica Athayde,
watching over my love life...
...unnecessarily.
Oh, I'm good.
How are you?
I'm fine.
Do you have a lot of friends?
I have some.
- A few, but good ones, right? - Yes.
Are you only on Instagram?
I have a miserable and dying Facebook.
Do you know any interesting people? Like...
Some. Why not?
You should know that I believe that when this episode of Taskmaster airs,
people won't have much empathy, and won't like us as much anymore.
I see. Right.
Maybe your radio job will even think it's no longer worth having you there.
You're saying that my career is ending soon?
Or your relationship.
Oh, my! Oh, wow!
I'm sorry, Markl. But I want you to know
that I am certain that, of all the others,
I was the only who had any interest in benefitting your life.
You... are 51 years old?
[Markl] I am.
Oh, got it right.
You like playing board games, right?
Some, yes.
How is your self-development going?
- Do you go to therapy and such? - Yes.
Do you know what it means to be pansexual?
- I think I have an idea? - What is it?
Is means having a very open horizon, right?
And you consider yourself a pansexual person?
Did you involve my girlfriend in this?
No. Why?
Okay.
At the moment...
You've published something on social media?
You have 47 men and women who find you incredibly attractive.
- You put me on a dating website? - I've put you on Tinder, Markl.
You've been on Tinder since this morning.
- I've been on Tinder all day?! - No, you're on Tinder as of 20 minutes ago.
I only chose people who had board games listed as a category.
- Board games, pansexuals, and... - Exactly.
- But I already have a selection of very interesting photos. - Oh my God.
- You made it with my real name? - Obviously.
But this is the photo I thought was necessary to post.
And your profile is only 34% complete.
- [Markl] Yes. - And for that, I'm sorry...
"47 people like you."
For not fully completing your Tinder profile.
I should also say that I made sure that this was sent to your girlfriend.
How horrible.
I think you'll probably have to apologize to her later.
So, what do I do now?
Now go home and apologize to your girlfriend.
- I should call her, right? - Sorry, Markl.
Then I'll give you the password for you to gain access.
47 people like me.
I should probably tell my girlfriend, right?
I actually need to keep apologizing,
because I can't deactivate it!
Follow me!
And now we'll see, and talk openly about,
the task of today's guest. Isn't that right?
- Yes, yes. - This I want to see.
Now I'm going to laugh.
- You and I both know that Salvador is fearless. - He is.
- He's a man with no barriers. - Nope.
- He's a person who likes a good joke. - He is. He is.
And I was so afraid of him, Vasco.
I was so afraid of him, and with good reason.
I'm feeling really bad.
People think that this is just a cool and cute show,
but there's the side no one sees.
The guilt!
Can you numerically quantify how much I will suffer?
From 1 to 10?
I'm sorry.
I've already done it.
- Already done it? - I have.
I don't believe it.
Oh!
Hey guys, I knew this wasn't cool.
I'm such a dick!
[Markl] What happened?
What the hell!
This isn't cool. Damn, you guys!
Sorry, Markl. Sorry.
I'm sorry. Sorry.
But is it gone or not? I don't understand.
I have a lot of hair, and it looks like...
Oh, damn...
Where is it?
This is pushing the limit a bit. Or not?
It's...
- But how it it? I need a mirror. - It's here.
- I don't understand... - It's here.
- Because I'm just scared right now. - It's right here.
It's a strange hole.
Wait, this isn't my hair.
How isn't it your hair?
No, this is from Mascarilha, right? [costume shop]
Oh, noooo!
It's all fine!
Sorry for the scare.
What have I done? I've made a special day for you.
Okay?
Today, at 22:00 [10pm], you have a dinner at JNcQUOI
reserved in your name.
You've booked a 10-person table.
Now it's up to you. Still reserved under Markl.
[Markl in task] I can't.
You have to cancel. I'll give you the number later.
I phoned Kikas.
From Casa da Kikas, you know? In Santarém.
[erotic nightclub; has changed name and owners]
It's a recreational house.
I said that Nuno wants to celebrate,
that we would bring cool guys.
Today, money wasn't a problem. It was a good night.
Tried closing, didn't work.
You couldn't even close with 50 thousand euros.
- Close what? - But!
Close the house. And the girls.
Didn't work. But I did manage to book the jacuzzi.
And because you've reserved the jacuzzi,
one or two girls will already be there.
Okay?
[social services for elderly artists]
I also called Casa do Artista
and I learned something funny.
I called and they said you might be getting senile.
My belly is starting to make noises.
- Understand? From the nerves. - Understood.
I start getting gassy.
So I told the secretary at Casa do Artista, that you already know
you want to be there in the next two or three years.
[It houses some retirees]
But right now, all the beds are full.
Still, I said, "He has more than 500,000 followers!"
"Would that make him a premium artist?"
I also called Sporting Clube de Portugal. [football]
I called Sporting FC, to say that you wanted to embrace your love
for Sporting FC, your football loyalty, but not as a normal member.
That you wanted to sign up for gymnastics.
So, at some point, on your phone,
someone from Sporting will contact you,
to sign up for Sporting's gymnastics.
I wanted to announce it at your party tonight.
As your agent.
Not long ago, my phone was ringing with numbers I didn't know.
Maybe it was Sporting. Who knows?
Did you tell them who you were, when you called?
Your agent.
PierrePaulo. All together.
It was PierrePaulo. All together.
Are we good? Do you forgive me?
Or do you still need to think?
- Sorry, but not... - It was intense, wasn't it? It was...
- It was a rollercoaster of emotions. - And we rode that rollercoaster.
- What exactly happened just now? - The evil doctor is leaving!
[evil laughter]
What bothers me is that it seems like this wasn't the first time you've done that.
- It's a thing you regularly do to annoy people. - That's true.
The only one we're missing is Inês Aires Pereira...
Someone out there said, "Ouch!"
Someone said, "Ouch!"
We need to say, and will say quite openly,
that from the beginning of the first season...
We can legitimately say that Inês has already done, to my dear Nuno,
basically everything.
Yes, yes. But do you want to know something?
That damn woman...
Still has surprises up her sleeve.
Uhh...
I wanted to talk to you.
And?
Let's go outside?
Let's talk a little bit.
Don't be like that!
Ah, it feels like I'm breaking up with my boyfriend.
I wanted to apologize.
For...
Something I've done.
That I think... maybe you won't find it that funny at first.
But... I'm here to help you.
I'm terrified, because I know you're capable of anything.
I don't have the courage! To say it...
Just say it.
I used some information I have.
- About me? - About you.
And is it true information? Or is it not totally true, and is simply...
No, it's true.
- This is annoying me a lot. - Right?
Annoying me a lot.
I'm sorry, Markl!
[Inês] Maybe it's better to look.
So you say.
["Markl wets the bed"]
[Markl] What's going on?
This is so great.
Damn...
Markl, I know things look bad right now.
I know that's something you don't want made public,
but everyone pees.
Okay?
Markl, I'm sorry!
Sorry, but look, it's just pee.
I'm sure you won't do it tomorrow.
You know, I've already wet the bed [as an adult]
when I told my boyfriend that I'd never do it again.
[Markl] I did it until a certain age.
Yeah? Tell me.
But at 51 years old, not anymore.
Don't make things up.
Take the now. Enjoy the now.
Don't hide things anymore.
I don't know if I hate it, or if it's the best thing I've ever seen.
Sorry.
Thank you, Inês. It was... incredible, really.
There's a plane circling Lisbon that says "Markl wets the bed."
Thanks, Inês. Thanks for this.
That's a good forgiveness, when it ends with a thanks and a hug.
That's true.
Say goodbye, Markl. It's for you!
It keeps getting closer, Markl!
Oh, my God!
Thank you!
You can land now!
[Salvador] It's so great!
[Jessica] What a nice budget!
Not everyone had that type of budget!
I just want to say to everyone that I haven't wet my bed
since I was... around 6 years old!
I can't believe you're still hiding!
When I learned that he still peed in his bed,
- I said, "Okay, I can do something that for him, will be bad, - No!
and I can apologize,
but afterwards, I'll put an end to all these things that are bad for him,
and I'll actually be the best person who has been in his life."
- At the end, this is all to help him? - Right, correct.
But I don't wet my bed.
- Well done. - He doesn't see it yet, but he will.
You're getting your sentences wrong. I don't wet my bed.
- You do, Markl. - No, I don't.
You do. There's nothing wrong with...
I think it's only fair
that in this task, Nuno gives the scores.
I think, outside of everything I suffered,
they were all incredible.
A round of applause for them.
[Vasco] Well done!
He's so cute!
What will happen is that I'll give: 4 points to Toy!
[Vasco] 4 points to Toy!
I'll give... 4 points to Salvador!
[Vasco] 4 to Salvador!
[Markl] 4 points to Jessica!
[Vasco] 4 to Jessica!
[Markl] 4 points to Gilmário!
And for the spectacularity... and heavily stressing that I do not wet the bed,
I'll give 5 points to Inês.
[Vasco] And... 5 points to Inês Aires Pereira!
You know, that's unfair.
4 to everyone and 5 to me? There's no one who just gets 1?
[Markl] No.
You got one more point than the rest!
Not fair! I deserve at least 4 more than any old idiot.
[Markl] My God.
Let's see how we are in terms of points.
[Salvador] I stayed put. Ridiculous.
I don't believe this!
Gilmário had 2 fewer points, and I was already ahead!
- But why? - [Markl] To Inês' big anger, she is tied with Gilmário
at 12 points, both in the lead. Followed by Toy and Jessica
with 10 points, and at last we have our special guest, despite...
I feel like Tondela. [football club; loses a lot]
- Amazing, isn't it? - I'm Tondela, right?
[Markl] But he has a miserable 7 points!
[Vasco] Applause for our five contestants!
[Inês] This should have been my task.
Did the next task give you more peace?
Yes. This task was designed for their suffering, not mine.
[Vasco] Okay.
What do you think about artificial grass?
- Do you like it? - I do.
You wanted me to run? Okay, fine.
Are you in favor of using artificial grass in gardens?
For example, in your garden?
[Markl] I've thought about it.
We're playing football?
- You could say that. - Let's go!
Aesthetically, many people are against it.
- It isn't that good looking. - But this is realistic.
Isn't it?
I'm in!
- This was a good talk. - It was. It was.
You have a...
Let's see it.
"Score the most spectacular goal with this plastic bag."
"Do not touch the plastic bag with your hands."
Wait. How is that possible?
This will be really difficult.
"The fastest and most artistic goal with the fewest kicks wins."
"Your time starts now."
"Score a goal with the plastic bag."
- With the plastic bag. - That means the bag, to put it properly,
needed to enter the goal.
- It needed to enter the goal. - So I ask, "And the ball?"
No, that's the best part of the task. They didn't even need to use the ball.
The goals needed to be cool. That was also asked.
As beautiful as possible.
And with the fewest kicks of the bag, with or without the ball.
Point made. And now that everyone understands the task,
what spectacular goals, made with a plastic bag,
will we witness, my dear Nuno?
Let's see those two lawn stars,
whose names are Inês Aires Pereira and Jessica Athayde.
This is so stupid.
You look like you're giving birth to the ball.
Is this what you've really needed?
What you've always dreamed?
Hey, it's a bad idea to film me from there.
Are you inside yet, son?
Can I touch the ball with my hands? I can.
Incredible.
So, no one says the goal needs to be made with my feet, right?
It has to be spectacular and beautiful.
And the least kicks? I can't kick it?
It needs to be the least kicks.
Oh, so are kicks like... I don't know the sport's rules.
Is it that thing like, "ta, ta, ta?"
I mean, if you could score a goal from this far away...
That would be amazing, wouldn't it?
Have I done any yet?
- Are these considered kicks? - Nice!
[Salvador] Good! Look!
There she goes!
[Salvador] Very good!
A kind of choreography.
Is this a feint?
That's a feint.
Hey! Hey! Hey!
Do you think I'll miss?
A good task, guys!
It's there.
Okay.
I can't be good at everything!
- Is this part of the spectacularity? - This is it!
For someone who didn't want to run during the pedometer task,
now that you didn't need to, no one stopped you.
Also, my pants got stuck in my ass. Come on, man.
Jessica, what did you think about the task?
- Did you like it? - What's a kick?
A kick, from your perspective,
is that thing you do that goes, "pam pam pam!"
Nuno, up next. Who is it?
We have someome who was genuinely excited by this task.
- Really? - Salvador Martinha was happy.
He saw a ball, and became happy.
- Ah! It's the little boy's turn now, eh? - Here he goes.
Pay attention. It looks like I'm touching, but no.
This is great.
No dignity! I feel like an intruder.
- This is... - Isn't that...
- This is how robbers must feel. - Touching with your hands?
What hands, bro?
Oh, hell.
- It's the shirt that's touching, isn't it? - Yes, it's the shirt.
Get it, kid!
- [Markl] And now? - [Salvador] Now?
And now...
Damn, man!
Oh! I know!
Can I, for example, put my foot inside the plastic and kick the ball?
It's interesting. Or does it need to be inside?
All the information is on the task, isn't it?
"Score the most spectacular goal with this plastic bag." With the plastic bag!
Ah ah ah, it doesn't say.
I'll do it like this.
This is the smart thing to do.
Only one foot. Right.
Marco with a plastic bag. [Silva?]
This doesn't even have to go in.
Or does it?
I'll make you a spectacular goal!
A knot would probably be good.
Wait, I'll need to do this. Sorry.
Yeah, I know.
[Female audience members cheer]
Don't film me thinking up fragile plans, for God's sake.
I had already thought this, but I didn't want to be...
With his bare torso, he really is a man.
Right?
You'll go to the goal? You're going to the goal?
Yes, I invite you to go to the goal.
Yes, yes. It needs to be magical.
I haven't touched it much.
- Vasco! - Tell me everything!
♪ Fah fararah fah fah! ♪ Welcome to Quiz Master!
Oh my God!
For 50 thousand euros! What happens next?
Do I have options?
A) Salvador falls down, and injures his lower back.
B) Salvador scores a goal that impresses everyone, and signs a contract with Amora FC.
C) Salvador scores with the ball, but forgets that
he needed to score with the bastard plastic bag,
and all of his efforts amounted to nothing!
Ouch!
[Vasco] Ummm...
[Toy] Was that it?
I don't know. It must be!
All of those options seem realistic to me.
Let's see.
I haven't touched it much.
GOAL!
It counts!
You were very pro...
I only had one shot. I can't take any more.
Look. It fell off.
- Are we good? - Yes.
- Taskmaster? - We'll see him soon.
Go! Confidence!
Beautiful! Yessssss!
- Proceed! - Nuno, did the plastic bag enter the goal?
- Nooooo! - Nooooo!
Do you understand now?
I was so happy at the time.
[Markl] But it was spectacular, wasn't it?
However, what was essential before the spectacularity,
and the fewest kicks, and speed... What was it?
[Markl & Vasco] The bag had to go in.
- "Score a goal with this plastic bag." - Man...
[Vasco] This is going well, isn't it?
It is.
Well, then. Who is next?
Now for the stars of "footsackball."
It's Toy and Gilmário Vemba,
a collective that I like to call:
"Toymba."
"Toymba!"
I just want you to help me put the ball in the bag.
You know my help here is more like, "Stay strong, Gilmário! Strong!"
[Toy] I look like my dog!
Yes.
[Gilmário growls]
Don't run away.
Good!
Man! What doesn't he do with his mouth?
Isn't it better now that you've done it instead of me?
No.
Even for all of your children?
"Hey, my dad's a big hero."
It's better, but it's not fast.
Have you ever kicked a ball inside a plastic bag?
- No! - Okay.
Ahhh!
- You know what I'm doing, Markl? - Hmm?
Tying it up.
But can you do it without touching the bag?
Yes.
[Markl] Hmm.
The goal needs to be incredible?
It must be incredible.
The bag!
It's difficult to predict.
[Salvador] You got this.
GOAL!
GOAAAAAAAAAL!
GOAL! WOOOOOOO!
People will applaud. A header! World level!
- It was a header, right? - It was. It was.
- Thanks, Gilmário. - That was hard.
I don't think so.
Couldn't slide.
Coach! Replacement!
My gear box isn't working.
Toy gives everything in the tasks, but even more when he growls.
Yes.
But I was also attentive to Gilmário's Vemba's task,
who also took a while getting the ball inside.
- A lot of time. - Yes, but that head goal. Incredible.
- [Jessica] But lots of kicks. - It's not something like...
No, no, no! It's ball in the air and...
Proceed!
That's an amazing thing, isn't it?
Airborne ball, Master. I can take one point, but that goal... Epic!
Looking at the five cases, there was in fact an invalid goal,
- Salvador's goal. - Right.
- The ball entered, but... - Does the public agree?
- [Audience, weakly] No! - What this "no"?
Does the public agree?!
- [Markl] He tried. - Be calm, friend.
Be calm.
- For the amazing goal attempt... - And for the spectacularity.
- You get 4 points! - No, you get 2 points.
[Vasco] 2 points.
Now, let's analyze Gilmário and Toy.
Gilmário is convinced that his goal was a better goal.
- It was. It was. - Hmmm.
- But there wasn't a goalkeeper! - Yes, that's true.
- Your "grand goal..." - No goalkeeper.
There were a lot of kicks, and they took some time to score.
There were some tries and runs and so forth.
Hang on, I didn't know. I have 4 kids. I've never scored a goal with a bag.
You need to realize that.
It was my first time.
I'll give 3 points to Gilmário, and also 3 points to Toy.
Both with 3. Now for the girls!
What did the task say? Fewest kicks, bag in the goal, and everything done quickly.
And both did that.
But I will value something that one of them did,
which was to try the nutmeg. [ball between opponent's legs]
[Markl] It was a very complex nutmeg.
Inês Aires Pereira, on her way to the goal, thought,
- "I'll do a nutmeg to Markl." - No kicks!
With the bag tied up. The bag with the ball, and she did a nutmeg to Markl.
Everything took place using only this girl's legs.
Because of that, despite the beautiful sight of Jessica Athayde's parasol and shot,
4 points to Jessica, and 5 points to Inês Aires Pereira.
I'm dreaming. I'm dreaming.
And with these scores, Nuno Markl, let's update the time and results.
At this point, how are we doing?
In first place, despite complaining about everything,
with 17 points, Inês Aires Pereira.
Followed by Gilmário Vemba with 15, 14 points to Jessica,
13 for Toy. And Salvador's there, isn't he?
This is so unfair.
What's the next stunt that we'll see
from this fine assortment of human cookies?
[Markl drum rolls]
[cymbal crash]
Hello!
Is that smoke?
I have four kids.
Are you coughing, Markl?
- Arigatou [incomprehensible] ["Thank you"] - You okay?
- Where's the task? - It's in there.
There, in the smoke?
Don't breathe.
It smells like sulfur.
It smells like fireworks.
Okay.
I already know what this is. It's a gender reveal.
A baby.
Heyyyyyyy!
"It's a girl!"
And now there's three influencers holding cakes. "It's a girl, Dulce!"
This smoke is toxic, isn't it?
If we die, we'll go together.
- Is this toxic? - It shouldn't be.
Because I'm allergic to toxins.
Whatever I did to you before, I'm sorry.
You don't need to lock me up in there.
Are there fireworks?
Nothing's going to explode, right?
I think you should hold your breath and get the task.
You're starting to smoke.
Ah. There it is.
[Markl] That alone was a task.
"Take this menhir..."
- Do we call them "menhir?" - Yes.
"As far away as possible. You have 30 minutes."
What's a menhir?
Did you ever read those Asterix & Obelix books?
No, I only saw the movies.
"Your time starts now."
Everything's fine.
I wasn't nervous about the whistle.
- No? - No.
[Vasco] Who will start this menhir task?
Let's see the singer Toy and the actress Jessica Athayde
carrying a menhir as far as possible.
Is there...
...any duct tape?
I'll take the entire 30 minutes just getting it installed, right?
What do you plan to...
Tape.
I knew that would happen.
- Can I let go? - No.
This looks like a new sport.
This is just the saddest scene that has ever happened in the world.
Watch out!
A forklift!
Quick, get me a forklift!
And something like this.
Now no one can stop you.
I'll at least get to the gate!
I dropped it!
[Inês] Ah, Toy!
Can I please...? Can we take this?
Let's go!
Will it fit?
It doesn't fit!
It has a really big butt.
I've at least left the farm.
Hello!
How would you feel about taking this egg as far as possible?
- Did you just call it an egg? - Moving that?
What's your name?
Zé Manzarra.
Zé Manzarra? Okay.
[Her ex is João Manzarra]
[Both] You're from Manzarra's family?
- He's my cousin. - Ahhh.
- Thanks, Manzarra! - Thank you!
See you later! I only have a minute!
Get that shit far away from here!
Thank you!
Wooooooo!
I have 10 minutes to get this as far away as possible. Please open the door.
[Markl] It's passing through. Incredible.
Let's go! Go!
"Go!"
We can start preparing the phone.
- To call him. - Eh? - Yes.
- Hello? - Manzarra!
- Talk to me. - Hello!
- I wanted to know where you are. - I'm in Belverde.
[Jessica] In Belverde. Okay.
Thanks! He didn't seem satisfied.
- He had quite an assertive tone. - João will call me soon.
Yes. "What did you do to my cousin?"
- Let's get out of here. - Alright.
It's going kind of fast!
Isn't it fast?
I think I'm going to win this task.
We've reached our destination. Thanks, everyone!
Thank you!
- There you go. - Thank you!
Thank you!
- Now we need a ride back. - Yes, we'll catch one.
- This time, you take it. - Okay.
What are the odds that the person driving by the farm's gate
would be your ex-boyfriend's cousin?
I don't know! I asked if I'd already spent a Christmas with him.
So weird!
It was strange, but I need to say that...
This task was one of the tasks which, for me,
was physically the most exhausting.
But there's something I want to say. And I like Jessica very much,
but it was "take the menhir," not "send" it.
I went with the menhir alongside me. I didn't ask someone to go with it.
That's true!
[Gilmário] Fight!
Let's start by looking at how far the menhir went.
Oh my dear, where are you? You're on Taskmaster! Look!
Just look at that map's quality. Very good.
Toy picks the menhir here.
- There it is. - And there it goes.
- From the property. - There it goes.
[Inês] Wow!
[Markl] It's a big, big trip.
[Vasco] Whaaaaaaaat?
[Markl] We took a really long and fast trip.
- [Inês] I don't believe it! - [Vasco] Very fast.
[Vasco] Wow!
And now, let's see the map of Jessica's menhir.
[Markl] And there goes Jessica with her menhir.
- [Jessica] Ohhhh! - [Inês] Aaagh!
[Jessica] Look! Look!
[Markl] What a good trip!
And now I ask: who is our next Obelix?
Let's appreciate the solutions found by Gilmário Vemba and Salvador Martinha,
a duo that, at the moment, I like to call "Gilvador Vemtinha."
- Do you have a plan? - Take it away, right?
As far as possible.
- Are you coming with me, bro? - With you? Anywhere. Let's go.
What is organic? When we get a challenge like this.
- I'll... go by car, leave the... - Yes, yes.
I could be esoteric. I could take a trip with the menhir. [drugs]
We could go 14 km from here, or we could both take a drug.
- Those drugs that alter... - Yes, yes. You'd take a trip.
- Which would get us further? - You'd go pretty far.
- Where would be further? - You'd be in space, basically.
So, that's my logic, yeah?
The stone is mine!
Get out...of the way!
AAAAAAAAAAAAH!
We're getting to know each other in a mainstream format.
It's kind of strange thing. We're not being spontaneous.
I propose that you concentrate on yourself and your senses.
Your sense of smell, and... um... the other senses I can't remember right now.
Markl!
I can feel my lunch coming back up!
I'll call an Uber.
- You have 25 minutes. - Ah, he'll be here in 6.
I'll send it to my house.
We're starting now. Don't be stressed.
"When will it hit? Why isn't it working?" It's working, it's hitting. Don't worry.
I'll take more.
When you are more "in the zone,"
when you are more moca, [slang for drug trip]
you'll help me out more, because that means I got you far.
Okay, will it go?
I have a task.
A bigs task to... fulfill,
and I need you.
Just...
Take the...
Kind of rock...
And I need you to take to my place. In Montijo.
[Markl] My God.
Just me and you.
And we'll feel each other.
I'll feel your skin.
Now I just want to see my daughter's face
- when she receives this at home. - Yes.
My man from the India...
Just carrying
my luggage
to my home.
Oh, this is where we get the menhir
With... a little string and a red rose. [Sub: "The subtitle guy doesn't understand"]
There's no shame! There's no shame. Exactly.
We aren't ashamed. Neither is Raul. Go, Raul!
Daughter?
Yes?
Are you at home?
No, I'm at school.
Oh, I sent something home, but someone needs to be there to receive it.
All the times I've gotten high, it's never been somewhere without clouds.
Are there always clouds?
- Usually, yeah. - Hmm.
Hey.
Hey. Are you in Montijo?
Yeah.
Look, just go to my house.
A delivery will arrive there soon.
I need you there to accept it.
♪ Nants ingonyama bagithi baba ♪ [Lebo M - Circle of Life]
Let's go, Raul!
[Markl in task] What are you doing? It's cold, isn't it?
Have you finished your task?
Yes!
This wasn't a task, it was just fun!
I'll whistle, and you'll need to make a print screen.
- So it's basically at the toll road near the Coina port. - It is.
- Love the name. Coina. - Coina.
White whale!
Wasn't that beautiful, Simba?
Your turn. It's your turn now.
- Do you think we went far enough? - We went very far. Yes, yes.
That was a treat just for the team. I didn't think they'd show it.
We're all part of the team, Salvador.
I present to you the old Indian Chief White Whale.
Salvador decided to go on a "journey" with his menhir.
- [Salvador] What a journey! - Yes. We don't have a map for Salvador, because he went so far.
[Markl] There's no maps!
[Vasco] No maps.
There aren't any maps that can show the course Salvador took with the menhir.
But didn't you like... didn't you end up thinking the menhir was a real person?
No. Now...
Now, it must be noted, both the stunning speed of Gilmário Vemba
with the menhir in the wheelbarrow,
and "Get out of the way, Guedes!" [meme]
You called an Uber?
- I did. I did. - How much did this task cost you?
[Gilmário] 30 euros.
We know Salvador doesn't have a map. We already said Salvador went...
- ...too far away. - There isn't one.
- But we have a map for Gilmário, right? - We do. Let's go.
This is just the first part, right? Now we just...
Almost to the other side of the world!
Now, we're missing Inês Aires Pereira.
And we know Inês. The entire country knows her.
So I'll take the risk, and say that:
Nuno, you were abused. Used and abused during this task, right?
Look, Vasco. The truth is that because of that menhir,
Inês and I spent some quality time together.
Press the button, because I'm curious.
I can't even pick it up.
Will you help me?
Kick it.
- Help me. - There should be some...
- Markl, help me. - There's things you can...
Markl, help me!
Did you know that I could be pregnant?
- Oh, really? - Yes! - Okay.
Take this, pick it up, and place it here.
On your back?
Okay.
[Markl] No, stay there.
It's so close to me!
[Gilmário] The menhir is going back home!
- What's happening? What's your...? - Is this yours?
That's my car.
You want to drive a menhir in my car?
- Oh, I don't know if I can. - Why?
I'm just an observer.
I don't even have my keys on me.
Are these your keys?
[Inês] Ready?
Even so...this really is my car, do you understand?
It's my actual car.
- I'll give you a LEGO set for Christmas. - A LEGO set?
And what... price category are we talking about, here?
For example, those little sets wouldn't really be worth it.
- The Eiffel Tower? - Yes.
- Now we're talking. - You like building them, don't you?
Of course! Where's the fun in LEGO that's already been built for you?
Help me with this.
This is too much, isn't it?
- You have a good driving posture. - What did you think I'd be like?
- I thought you'd be more...heavy-handed. When driving. - When I'm driving, I--
- You have a good posture, you're using just one hand... - This is why I started therapy.
People think that of me,
when really, I'm a person who will even drive without using my hands.
"Markl is so uptight!"
I'll even drive with my arm out of...
I'm a person who drives with his arm out the window.
He even drives like this!
"She's mine, son!"
♪ É hora de parar com a presepada. Respeita a sua namorada ♪ [Maiara & Maraisa - Presepada]
- Markl, go faster, otherwise we won't get to the beach in time. - Yes, yes.
Where's the beach?
Fonte da Telha, we're good. It's straight ahead.
- Fonte da Telha's this way? - Yeah.
I never thought I'd come to the beach with you.
Hey, let's leave it with those guys and get out of here.
- When they leave the water, they'll get a menhir. Yes. - Near their umbrella?
[Markl in task] Okay.
- Come on! Do you-- - I want to see the guys' reactions.
- Do you want to get in the water? - I want to see their reactions.
[Vasco] Great!
Was it hard to convince Markl? Or not?
- No. Just the LEGO. - She promised me an expensive LEGO.
Okay. Which probably won't happen, because she'll forget about it.
- But it was a good trip! We sang, we laughed, we talked about life. - It was cool!
[Inês] Our relationship is so cute.
Yes, it's true. We're the Bucha & Estica of the modern era. [Laurel & Hardy]
- A little bit. - We're a comedic couple.
- Just tell me about distances. - Alright. - And me? My map?
- You want the map? - I do! - [Markl] I do, too.
Okay. You want to see your map? Let's look at your map.
- Should I not have asked about it? - Here's your map. Look.
- [Salvador] Oh my. - [Jessica] Wow!
[Gilmário] Look at us, going to the beach.
Right. We saw their maps. But now, Markl, tell me their distances.
I don't know how I would include Salvador's distance.
- Right? - If it's in a separate category,
the distance would be too far away.
- A distance in... - [Vasco] How many kilometers is too far away?
- It's not too far. It's kilometers. - [Markl] It's a plan...
It's a plan of.... dimensions and such.
[Vasco] Yes.
So... after Salvador, we have Jessica.
Jessica went... actually, Jessica's menhir went 2.4 kilometers.
[Vasco] Okay.
Next we have Toy's menhir,
- which went 3.5 kilometers. - [Vasco] Okay.
Next, Inês' went 8.6 kilometers.
- [Vasco] 8.6? - [Markl] Yes.
- [Vasco] From Inês? - [Markl] And finally, Gilmário's,
which took a long trip of 12 km.
- Who went the furthest? Was it Gilmário? - It was Gilmário. Yes, sir.
However!
[Inês] Oh, that's right!
- It wasn't him who took it, right? - [Toy] Right.
Taskmaster can sometimes be bad,
but Taskmaster is fair.
So, I'll need to make a distinction
between the people who went with the menhir,
and those who, despite their good intentions,
at some point left the menhir, and told another person to take it away.
[Markl] Yes.
So then, the ones who went with the menhir were Toy and Inês.
- Right? - Yes. That's right.
[Salvador] Am I part of this game?
[Salvador] Am I no longer on this program?
- Am I no longer a part of this family? - [Inês] And Salvador?
- [Inês] He went with the menhir. - [Vasco] What?
You can't measure a distance, but he still took his menhir.
Salvador took his menhir to therapy.
That's the truth.
The menhir which, even today, is still confused.
- "Who am I?" - It really is.
"What is this? Am I a rock? Am I a grain of sand?"
[Salvador] I feel like--
Salvador will get 1 point.
- Hey! What is this?! - [Inês] That hurts!
What a way to get up!
Look, should we do something? Salvador! Salvador! Salvador!
- Salvadorrrrr! - You're calling. You want to give me a second chance?
- [Vasco] Look, Inês... - I won't give him mine!
You think... If you want, do the following:
- Take a point off your score and give it to Salvador. - Never.
Thank you, Inês.
You'd all look good if you each gave me a point.
- You know it. - This could have been a good moment,
- but it just wasn't. - So...
Jessica will get 2 points.
- But I didn't have any help. - Gilmário... Gilmário will get three.
[Inês] I also didn't have any.
Next, Toy will get 4 points,
and Inês Aires Pereira will get 5 points.
Because she was the one who took her menhir as far as possible.
You should've gone with it.
[Markl] That's beautiful. Beautiful.
- Markl, tell me it's time for the scores. - Let's do it!
Well, at the moment, Inês shines at first with 22 points,
second Gilmário with 18 points, after him Toy with 17,
Jessica with 16.
- And...! - You're so far ahead.
Applause for Salvador! Two digits!
Salvador! Salvador! Salvador!
Moving on to the next task. Let's have some art, shall we?
Have you noticed the richness of this show?
We've already had sports. We've already had ancestral culture
in the form of menhirs, and now art. Painting, more precisely.
Canvas painting.
With good old brushes and paints?
Is it that kind of art?
- No, nothing like that! - This one is good for Jessica.
Getting a good feeling, eh?
Observe well. Everything could be used against me.
Good afternoon, everyone.
This beautiful crew.
Those look like lipsticks!
I'm a pretty specialized guy in...
- You are? - I am.
Not really.
Heads up, I have experience. My daughter is 6.
Lipsticks.
An artificial lip.
And the task.
Another sealed letter.
Let's see what the king says.
"Create the best portrait..."
Already a bad start.
"...of the Taskmaster,"
"using only lipstick... on your lips."
- Ah! On my lips, and... - Yes, yes.
On my lips?
Yes.
"You have ten minutes, and your portrait must fill most of the canvas."
"Your time starts now."
It's started already?
Damn, I shouldn't have read it all, should I?
I should've stopped to think, and then read it.
Before us is a group of artists who must paint with their mouths.
They had to pay tribute to the noble Taskmaster Vasco,
painting the most detailed portrait of you
using their lips, covered in lipstick.
Starting with the combo of lipstick, canvas, and beards of Salvador Martinha.
The best portrait of the Taskmaster.
Let's pick a tone, then.
Maybe a "bordom". [He means "Bordeaux"]
No... not "bordom". No. A tone...
I need a golden one. I need gold ones.
I'll work with these two colors.
I'll show them to this camera here.
I'll work with these two colors, which will represent...
Notice the time I'm taking to do this.
When a person thinks, it's different.
I can put it on and kiss. It adds value, doesn't it?
Or... I can do it like this, right?
Which I think is a little bit...
I may be losing some dignity here.
I'll draw with my lips, and then I'll kiss it.
"So, he drew the outline with..."
That's what they'll think at home.
"That's an artist. He sketched it with his mouth, and colored it in with kisses."
Let's do it.
The teeth aren't helping.
It's not working, is it?
Ooooo-ee!
I don't know if this is what I wanted, but here goes.
Still missing the golden ones.
Where are the golden ones?
That's it.
[muffled humming]
I've drawn my sketch.
Of course, it's a bit abstract, you know?
But... literal art is a lesser art, right? As you all well know.
This is a very interesting work of art.
How many kisses?
I wonder, how many cups are in a bottle?
How many kisses are in a lipstick?
That's an artwork made with love, right?
I think you've noticed that.
Guys, I won't be using all my time.
I'm cool.
"I'm cool."
Do you like it? Or not?
I don't know!
I'd hoped for more from you all.
Cheers.
But I'm leaving... you know? Without much.
So why am I rushing, right?
I thought, "I've done it."
Let's see how it goes.
Remember, it's an artwork made with love!
Let's see if the others made theirs with love,
or only just thinking about winning.
I put love into this.
Kisses.
[Salvador] How annoying!
Salvador seems to be on a journey of self-discovery, right?
That's right. Are you getting to know yourself as an artist?
First: I talk too much, right? I got fed up with myself.
- Yes. - And now I'm getting to know myself...
A person knows himself better on this show.
- [Markl] Are you enjoying it? - I don't know!
I need a second opinion.
[Markl] Let's check the artwork, then.
[Vasco] I will always give the artist an opportunity to explain their work.
Is that a cat?
Salvador.
This is the classic frame, in Ferrero Rocher.
I thought it would be too vulgar, as an artist,
to literally paint Vasco Palmeirim.
This is my proposal. Are we caricaturists?
No. We're artists, aren't we?
I figured that the throne is a symbol.
I worked with two shades.
A Bordeaux that I kept calling "bordom." [bordô / "bordom"]
And I worked with gold. But there was no gold!
"If you don't have a dog, hunt with..."
["a cat" - make do]
- ...that color. - It's beige. - [Markl] Right. It's beige.
And it's a chair. It's got four legs, doesn't it?
[Various audience members] It does.
And then I signed it.
- [Markl] How brave to sign it! - Curiously, the signature made with my mouth became a heart of love.
Wow!
- [Salvador] It's an "SM." - Or a cat.
It's worthy of a good one point.
- [Salvador] Isn't it? - Solid. A solid one.
What's next? Tell me.
Here are the rest of these mouth Picassos.
"Bocassos", you might say. ["boca" = mouth]
Gilmário, Jessica, Inês, and Toy.
- All at once. - All together? - All together!
[Vasco] Oh, Jesus!
Why were you on top of the table?
Hey, it's identical!
It looks just like his mouth!
Is that an ear?
Probably not.
What color are the "Teqmeter's" eyes? [S02E03 running joke]
Ah, does he have a beard?
He's got a big forehead.
He has some rolls.
It looks like an old lady.
They're nailing it.
I'm seeing Palmeirim here.
How else can I capture his looks?
I know he likes to talk a lot.
I may not be the one who kissed the most,
but I think mine's the one with the thickest lips.
I'm a really good kisser, you know.
- It's almost like you had a better brush. - Yes, yes, yes.
I happen to have a better brush...
But... I was asked not to use it.
[Gilmário in task] None of the others
would do this with this level of perfection.
I'm impressed.
Aren't you shocked?
It's identical, man.
Okay.
10 minutes.
Are you happy with your work?
- Fin! - Okay.
Palmeirim!
This is the best version of Vasco Palmeirim.
Did the others succeed?
- It'd be nice to see all the artworks together, right? - Okay.
- Salvador, wanna play this game with me? - I do, yes.
[Salvador] Ah! Who's who? So...
[Salvador] Gilmário is in the top right corner.
[Vasco] Jessica mentioned an interpretation, right?
So the top left corner will probably be Jessica's.
I think that Toy's is this one, and Inês' is that one.
- Yours is super cool! - I liked this one...
Toy was painting with pink.
- [Vasco] Toy... - [Markl] Let's see who the authors are.
[Vasco] Applause for the four authors!
Yours is awesome.
Salvador, a round of applause for you, too!
- They're all similar proposals, of just faces. - [Vasco] Right?
I didn't just propose a face! I made a full body,
- with a cape, and muscles... Have a look. - Is that Superman?
You have muscles on your arms. A lot of them.
- That cape is huge. - Jessica's is beautiful.
- Jessica's is like Captain Master. - It's beautiful. I think she's very artsy,
but that's not a portrait.
Alright, let's give out some points.
Salvador.
- Oh! - Oh, Salvador. I like you so much...
Let's stay consistent until the end!
1 point to Salvador.
[scattered audience applause]
- [Inês] Oh, dear! - But it's a good point!
- [Vasco] A very good point, yes. - The audience is still a bit divided about me.
Look, you get one point, but you also get a bonus point,
because from the beginning, you've been firm,
and you've been confident in your ideas throughout the tasks.
- Always. - [Vasco] You've been firm!
- You know exactly what you want! - Thank you.
And have another one, since you beat me at tennis yesterday!
Let's go!
[Gilmário] Wait, that's 3 already?
Three!
You get 3 points.
Jessica. You clearly read "portrait" aloud.
And that is not a portrait.
So I'll give 2 points to Jessica.
- Ah! - I'll give 2 points to Jessica. I'm sorry.
3 to Gilmário.
And now, between Toy and Inês. Inês and Toy.
[Various audience members] Inês! Toy! Inês!
[Markl] What's going on here?
This is an important matter...
- [Salvador] It's suddenly become The Price is Right. - [Vasco] It has.
[Markl] Here's an important thing we should keep in mind:
If Inês gets 5 points in this task, she wins the episode.
Might as well let her win, otherwise she'll be unbearable at the afterparty.
- Since we're come this far with these points... - Good point. That's an important point.
But, Vasco, honestly. Think this through.
Are you sad, like this one, or are you surprised?
I mean, Toy has made a portrait of your career.
[Salvador] Yes, he looks cheery!
Inês has made a chromatic portrait, and it has an expression.
[Salvador] To Inês, you are sad.
I'm thinking, if they showed...
...these portraits to someone on the street, Toy's and Inês'.
[Gilmário]Oh, Inês'.
Which would people recognise as Vasco Palmeirim faster?
[All but Salvador] Inês'.
Inês'.
- [Toy] I think so. - [Markl] I agree. It's Inês'.
I think people would just leave!
- They would. - Saying, "Don't bother me!"
- Don't bother me! - Don't bother me!
Which means, then, that...
[Toy] Inês gets the deserved 5 points.
- 4 points to Toy, - Good! - and 5 points to Inês Aires Pereira!
[Vasco] And let's look at the scoreboard!
Markl, give me the points.
You're done. Forget it.
[Markl] Even though we still have one task to go,
Inês has 27 points, and is the winner.
Next, tied with 21, is Toy and Gilmário.
Followed by Jessica with 18, and Salvador with 13 points.
Attention, as she's already won this Taskmaster,
a round of applause for Inês Aires Pereira!
Thank you. It's about time!
[Audience] Inês! Inês! Inês!
[Vasco] So! We have one task last.
I want to win this task, too. I'm like...
- Don't get me wrong, but I really want Salvador Martinha to win the last task. - I do, too!
A round of applause for everyone! Get your asses off of those chairs.
Let's go.
Salvador!
Last task, Nuno Markl. What's ahead of us?
I'll give it to our early winner, Inês Aires Pereira, to read.
- Okay. - [Inês] Thanks.
"Stack your buckets so that they are taller than you,"
"then put a bean on top of the buckets."
"You may not leave your spot."
"Fastest wins."
But what's the duck for?
- Inês will win easily! - You can never leave your red mark.
- This isn't fair, Master. - Wait, in each bucket you have to put...?
- Inês will win again. - [Vasco] Why?
- I'm short. - She only needs three buckets.
[Markl] The tallest need to be faster.
- [Gilmário] How? - [Jessica] Hang on.
- Do I have to put a bean in each bucket? - [Vasco] No.
- Just at the end? - Put a bean on top of the last bucket.
- And what about the duck? - It's only there to annoy you.
[Jessica] Alright. Let's go.
- [Markl] Let's do it. - [Toy] Mind your boots.
[Inês] Do we build them right here?
[Vasco] It's started now!
[Salvador] It's fastest wins?
[Markl] On top of your mark, Gilmário!
- What? - Gilmário, stand on top of your mark.
I can't get the buckets apart, goddamnit.
[Salvador] Wait a second. What are you doing Toy?
Oh, I get it. Okay.
It has to be bigger?
It has to be taller than you.
[Inês] What about the bean?
You have to put it on top.
Bean on top of the bucket!
[Markl & Vasco] Not in the bucket, but on top of the bucket.
[Vasco] The bean has to be on top of the bucket!
[Toy] I'm done!
[Toy] Hey!
- [Jessica] Ah! - Stretch your legs out, Toy.
- Straighten up, Toy. - Isn't it as tall as me?
[Vasco] No, it's shorter.
AAAAAAAAAAH!
[Salvador] Look, can the bean go inside?
- [Jessica] Done! - Take what off, goddamnit?!
[Salvador] Inside?
[Vasco] On top, not inside.
- Dit it stay? Did it stay? - [Vasco] You need to put another one.
- [Markl] I'll check. - [Gilmário] You'll make it fall!
Get on top... Get on top of the toilet!
It's not there!
[Vasco] It's not there!
[Gilmário] Not there?
[Markl] I thought it stayed there.
The task continues! The task continues!
- [Markl] The task continues! - But I already did it!
[Vasco] You have to be on top of...
AAAAAAAAAAH!
- [Markl] It better be up there. - [Jessica] Again?
Hey! Hey! You're going to make my bean fall!
My bean is going to fall!
HEYYYYYYY!
[Audience] Inês! Inês! Inês!
[Gilmário] Hey!
- So, what...? - [Salvador] I'm proving something to Toy.
Was there confusion? There was.
Was there a mess? There was.
But there was also a bean on top of the tower!
That's 5 more points for Inês Aires Pereira!
That was epic.
This was another Taskmaster. Thank you for being here.
Thank you all, too.
But before we leave, what is the lesson learned from tonight's program?
Stones on your path, or a weighty menhir,
Should I or an ex-boyfriend's cousin make it clear?
A shower feels good. We should clean our soul,
especially if someone throws at you a chocolate mousse bowl.
You never know what awaits you. Some days are nice, others are bollocks.
But maybe you'll encounter some lipstick Jackson Pollocks.
Keep close those you love, celebrate the goals you get.
And "Nuno Markl wets the bed" may you never forget.
Ladies and Gentlemen, this was Taskmaster!
TASKMASTER WORLDWIDE INCORPORATED
EUROPEAN PORTUGUESE TEAM
TRANSLATION BY MAFFU, DUDUPATIFINHO, AND BIBO
PROOFREADING AND SYNC BY U/CHEQUEDUMMY
SECOND PROOFREADING BY TOMOTHY
FOLLOW US ON INSTAGRAM AND TWITTER! @TMWORLDWIDEINC