Nooo!
Blow the whistle. I've won this.
I think we might be in the presence of a genius.
I was willing to do anything.
This is going to haunt us
for the rest of our careers and lives.
"Why Involve Pythagoras?"
Good evening to everyone at home, good evening here in the studio,
welcome to Taskmaster, the show where great figures
who spent years building a career
and a respectable public image,
will ruin them in just a few minutes, for the enjoyment of a lot of people
starting with me.
But the efforts of these living legends are justified.
At the end of the day, at the end of this season,
one of them will take home the best prize
that a TV show has ever given:
My head.
Not in a literal way, because I need that one,
but we're talking about this head of mine.
This magnificent golden version. It could be yours!
Just call the number that's showing up on your screen.
Once again, this will be the prize that
Either Inês, or Gilmário,
Or Jessica, or Toy will take home at the end of the season.
And this prize shows that the taxpayers' money is being well spent.
- Really well spent. - Isn't it?
Another Taskmaster, and by my side, as always,
a man that used to listen to Samantha Fox in the loneliness of his teenage bedroom [1980s singer; Page 3 model]
but only the parts where she sighed and moaned.
Those were, in his words, the most pleasant and "musical" parts to his ear.
Ladies and Gentlemen, show your love for the one and only Nuno Markl!
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
[Markl] Thank you. Thank you very much.
Thank you all.
Nuno, it's time for the question that the entire country wants to ask
at the start of every episode: how are you tonight?
Look, I have a bad back, Vasco.
But I'm also starting to find the small pleasures of life in my dressing room.
Such as using a foot jacuzzi to, instead of my feet,
wash my face and feel all those bubbles
massaging my cheeks.
You mean you got a foot jacuzzi,
you put it on a table,
and then you put your face in the foot jacuzzi on the table?
Stupidly, I kept the jacuzzi on the ground.
And now that I think about it, that didn't help improve
my back situation.
Thank you Nuno, and best wishes.
Let's meet the contestants for tonight's Taskmaster.
Born in Porto, she recently became a mom for the second time, and confesses that she can't sleep.
But wait, that has nothing to do with the baby,
but instead is due to the trauma of having lost
the first season of Taskmaster to Toy. Inês Aires Pereira!
- We have a support group, Inês Aires Pereira? - It seems so.
- I haven't done a thing. - Okay.
There's someone with a sharp voice. Who's the sharp person out there?
"It only works when I'm not under pressure, Vasco!"
- He's staring at--Oh my...
- [Vasco] No, it's that. - [Markl] Unbelieveable.
- Dear Lord! - It's that woman over there.
I know that woman! She works at the lighthouse! [Warning: weird pronunciations ahead!]
Beside her: [Warning: weird pronunciations ahead!]
Someone who, when he was a kid, saw Chris Rock doing standup.
And he thought that, in his own words, it was funny and clever.
Curiously, tonight he told me that he wants to be the champion
of the second seasone of Taskmaster
So he could celebrated and scrubate in his coleages faces.
It's Gilmário Vemba. Good evening, Gilmário!
After Gilmário: a woman who, in a recent interview with Notícias Magazine
said, and I quote: "I'm ready to only count on myself."
Clearly someone who understood from the first season of this show
that during the tasks, Nuno Markl doesn't help anyone.
Ladies and Gentlemen, Jessica Athayde!
I read everything about you.
- Besides her: - I've got that. I'm impressed.
One of the biggest singers in our country [Toy's a pimba singer]
who confessed that he thinks the term pimba is really silly [silly, sentimental, and often sexual lyrics.]
because pimba doesn't translate into any other language [silly, sentimental, and often sexual lyrics.]
and I would love it if he was in France
and started the movement Le Pimbat,
and in Germany, of Das Pimben.
An applause for the amazing Toy!
[Markl] Seems like a newspaper, Das Pimben. I always read Das Pimben.
What are you reading? Der Spiegel? No, Das Pimben.
And our guest tonight. One of the faces of this channel.
One of the most loved persons by all Portuguese people.
She's called Taninha. She's called Tanocas.
And she responds by calling our Gilmário "Gervásio Vemba." [During a live interview]
It's Tânia Ribas Oliveira!
Oh, so sweet.
And it's funny, because it's true. [She did it twice!]
- Hi Tânia! - Hello!
- How are you? - Fine, thanks!
- Ready for what's to come? - No.
Great!
By the way, I'll ask the question:
Imagine this is before the tasks that you've already done.
- Were you ready for what happened? - No.
I truly believe it's harder live than it is on TV.
A person watches on TV, it looks great, and thinks,
"This seems easy!" You get there, and it isn't easy.
- But it's really fun! - I'm glad you had fun.
We must say to, and remind everyone, that our contestants
haven't seen their own or others' tasks,
and now they'll see each others' tasks.
But the first task, Markl, doesn't have any footage
recorded from my estate.
We always start a Taskmaster episode
with objects that our contestants bring from their homes.
And they should always follow a theme.
So I ask, Nuno, what were these sweet birds told
to bring from their nests?
So, tonight we've asked our illustrious panel
to bring something from home that would make everyone say
"Wow, that's really the best thing!"
And I really wanna say "Wow, that's really the best thing!"
But will I say it?
It all depends on the things that these things have brought me.
Inês, hi!
- Hi! - Tell me right now.
Is the thing that you brought going to make me say "Wow!"?
I believe so.
Because you are a father.
And it has to do with paternity and maternity.
Has to do with the nest and me not being able to sleep well.
- Okay. - I found something that is called
Shusher.
- [Markl] Shisher? - It's what you put in the kid's mouth to shush them.
- [Markl] Shush them? - This thing.
You turn it on like...
And it has the sound of a person doing...
- Shhh... - You're joking.
Wait, to save a human being from doing...
And you're just...
- In Angola... - [Jessica] I also had that.
In Angola, the mothers usually do...
"Hmm..."
[Markl] That's not a shush, that a hmmm.
How does this work, then? Can it translate?
No, this is just for the people who shhh.
"Shhhhh".
[Inês] You can turn the volume up, down,
And it's...I swear it sounds so real.
Okay. Applause for the Baby Shusher of Inês Aires Pereira. Thank you, Inês.
Baby Shusher.
Sushe.
[Markl] Shusher.
[Vasco] Gilmário.
Well, I definitely brought...if you don't scream "wow" for this thing,
then you probably can't see the image that it gives me.
Vasco Palmeirim, our dear host, does a lot of shows, he works a lot.
He will certainly like this.
Nuno Markl, with the tasks that we've had here,
in this new season of Taskmaster,
will also love this.
Inês, who has sleeping problems, has to be doing shh shh shh
even with the help of others. It's hard.
Will like this.
I have, and I would really like to share, this amazing device
that won't shush, but will relax your back.
Look at this.
Is this it?
It's this. You put it over here.
Look, you're basically feeling three Thai women working on your back.
- [Vasco] A back massager, right? - [Gilmário] Exactly.
Thank you Gilmário, with his back massager. Applause for Gilmário.
Jessica, make me say "Wow!"
So, I live in a really manly environment.
I have Diogo, the oldest; the middle is my stepson, and I have my son [Diogo Amaral; actor/model]
that has started going to the bathroom alone.
- Okay. - What happens then?
During the night, everyone gets a bit adrift.
So when they go to the bathroom or when I go check in the morning
there's always pee somewhere.
And this makes them hit exactly on the spot.
- What is it? - It's a light.
- That you put inside the toilet. - [Markl] Wow!
It goes blue, pink, you can choose whatever colour you want.
And it gets lit!
♪ And the toilet was totally lit! ♪ ["Anel de Noivado" / "Engagement Ring"]
♪ And it wasn't totally pissed! ♪ ["Anel de Noivado" / "Engagement Ring"]
And you could also use it.
This, combined with the shh shh from Inês would be top.
Because the machine that goes shhh would make the noise.
And when you open the toilet, there's a divine light that's almost like
♪ Ahhhhhhhhh ♪
Beautiful, angel's choir.
Amazing thing.
Unbelieveable. You can choose whatever colour you want.
Okay. Okay.
That's why a lot of drunks will piss in the fridge. It's the same thing to them.
♪ Ahhhhhhhhh ♪
- [Inês] That's so great! - [Jessica] He can't say that!
Okay, we've started well. I've enjoyed these so far.
- Mine was the best. - [Vasco] Easy, easy now.
- [Markl] Nice technology, right? - [Vasco] Toy.
Well, to make people say "Wow!", it was this show.
When this show started airing, everyone said "Wow!"
The best TV show in the last 25 years, probably.
The whole family gets together to watch the show. This show is the "Wow!"
So how could I come here, say "Wow!", and bring up the show?
So I brought the show's grand prize.
- What? - [Markl] He brought your head.
He brought the head that he won.
- [Vasco] Toy! - [Toy] I'm sorry.
Wait. Toy, you know that if you don't win,
whoever does win takes this home.
- You're putting your trophy at risk. - Tonight, someone can take it.
I hired three henchmen to get it back.
- With submachine guns. - So you brought the trophy
from Taskmaster Season 1 for the "Wow!".
I'm taking the risk, because I'm certain that I'll win.
But also, just so I don't offend the others,
If I don't win, it will go to a good home. I'll be nice and honest.
Every and each one of them deserved to win the show.
- Of course. - [Toy] That's the truth.
- Beautiful. - [Toy] It's the truth.
Let me just ask, Inês: What's that face?
I'm asking now. Inês was the runner-up--
"Deserved to win?" Me or Toy. Not Jessica or Gilmário.
- Why? - Tânia, we'll finish with you. - [Tânia coughs]
Great timing, thank you Tânia.
- Something got caught. - Tânia was like, "I brought COVID!"
"I brought COVID."
- [Inês] You're unstoppable. Damn. - [Jessica] You had a coffee, haven't you?
- He's unstoppable. - [Jessica] He had a coffee.
Have you forgetten that...
[Vasco] Tânia.
- The power of argument is important. - It is.
Even so, I think there are images that speak for themselves.
- What have you brought, Tânia Ribas? - And for each and every one of us,
"Wow, this really is the best thing."
And for me, this is the best thing in the world.
This one is going low.
So, we've got in there Tomás and Pedro.
But whoever wins it, only gets the framed picture.
- Not your actual kids. - Will they really take it?
- They will. - No, no one told me that!
- But who will take it? - Tonight's winner.
Oh, so I'll take it.
I was scared. And I'll take Vasco's head!
- For a minute, I was scared. - [Markl] Tonight, things are tense.
Let's start with who gets a single point.
Man, Gilmário, your massager didn't make me say "Wow!"
- I'm so sorry. - It's because he isn't doing his job.
I'll award 1 point to Gilmário's massager.
I really believe it can come in handy, but it doesn't make me say "Wow!"
"Oh, nice!" maybe. It's the toilet light.
You get 2 points, Jessica.
[Vasco] I'm so sorry.
- But you're with me, Markl? - If I could, I would have lights in every toilet.
I need it.
Perhaps you need new glasses and better aim.
I'll award 3 points to Tânia, and the photo of her little kids.
I'll award, because I've also been through that,
Baby Shusher gets 4.
And due to Toy's bravery, and because he brought something so personal
and he's risking the bust.
So, Toy gets 5 points. That's how we start. Applause for our five!
It's nice, it's nice.
It's time that all of us in the studio and you at home
begin to appreciate the feats that this crew of absolute geniuses
of physical and mental dexterity performed in the field,
which is to say, in the majestic gardens of my no less majestic mansion.
So Nuno, where shall we start?
Knowing that so many children are watching this show,
we thought we ought to begin by modelling good behaviour.
For example, inspiring them to always throw their garbage into the bin.
Look, it does seem like a good lesson to me,
but also a very simple lesson, I mean...
It would never be that simple on this show, Vasco...
Mwahahahaha!
- I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me. - Just press the button. - Let's watch.
Where is he?
- Aaaaaaah! - Aaaaaah!
Well hello there my good friend, how are you?
- A garbage bin! - Doing very well, thank you.
- So it should be inside this, right? - Right.
- Hello there, Jessica! - Hello!
Ugh, the duck again!
"Throw something into this pedal bin." This one?
- This one. - Okay.
"From the furthest distance."
But this could be my furthest distance.
"The pedal bin must be shut when you throw your thing."
Ai!
Huh?
Shut?
And I throw something into something that's closed?
How is it supposed to get inside?
- So I have to come running to open it up? - Well, now...
"You have 20 minutes. Your time starts now."
I think I'll only need two.
But how do I throw something... into a closed bin?
Everyone has their own limits.
There has to be a point when it opens, no?
Ah, so like, tchum, plok!
Even if I try and think of something else...
- Hmmm... - It's ridiculous, you see.
If you're forcing people to perform magic,
this is no longer a Taskmaster task.
It's a task for, I don't know,
David "Cóperfeu" and whatnot.
- David Copperfield. - Copperfield.
Different season, same whinging, isn't it?
So much complaining from this lot.
I don't get their distress. I mean, all they had to do was throw a thing into the bin.
The lid, at the moment of the throw, should be shut.
- Where's the issue? - Vasco, entire theses,
monographies, books, could be written based on
the variety of approaches carried out by these individuals
when faced with a closed pedal bin
and an object that, nevertheless, should get inside it.
Okay, looking forward to it. Who do we start with?
Let's start with our special guest, Tânia Ribas da Oliveira.
Who, it must be said, had one of the largest and most contagious
explosions of joy I have ever seen out of anyone on this show.
I did.
Which must mean she solved the task with great success.
Let's just say she solved the task with her own particular kind of success.
- Oh, yeah right. - It's right there.
[Tânia] I know. Look Nuno, I know, okay?
- [Markl] Okay. - [Tânia] Watch this.
[Tânia] Oh my God!
♪ The hills are alive with the sound of music! ♪
- Did you see that? - I did, I did, I did.
- Ah, come on! - It went inside.
I'm sorry, that was spectacular!
- Wasn't it? - Yes it was, Tânia.
You're making a weird expression, like I failed or something.
[Tânia] It's done, isn't it?
You know what, goodbye.
[Tânia] You're all so picky. It's never good enough.
Tânia, I really do like you.
But?
I really like you, and when it comes to people I like
I really like to see them happy.
However, when what's written on the envelope is "the furthest distance,"
that means between you and the bin.
Not the distance covered by the object when you toss it in the air and it when lands in the bin.
It would be challenging to measure, don't you think?
That's one way of reading it.
And in the moment, you're on the spot.
But wasn't it so lovely to see Tânia so happy?
It was nice, wasn't it?
And I had good aim!
It was a beautiful, clean shot.
But let's talk distance, which is what actually matters.
How many meters stood between Tânia Ribas de Oliveira and the pedal bin?
That would be 36 centimetres.
Which is approximately my foot plus 7 toes.
Very well then.
Still, an applause for Tânia, who managed to complete the task.
[Vasco] Now for our veterans.
Do you remember in the Superman comics, everyone surely remembers,
they would say he was faster than a speeding bullet.
- Yes, of course. - Well...
Then get ready for...
Super Jessica!
So, it has to be a...
It has to be a sort of cata... cata... cat...
- [Markl] Catapult. - Catapult.
This is what I was imagining it to be, but now I see it's obviously not going to work.
- [Markl] It might do its job, sure. - I have no idea what I'm thinking.
No, wait, I'm being an idiot. Wait.
- This isn't it. - That's not it, is it?
The laws of physics are a nuisance.
I need to be able to...
Throw, go like that, and get it to open.
Yes.
But imagine this...
Well, I was full-on experimenting, but I'll be lucky if I get it in.
If I manage to attach this,
I'll throw, pull the rope, and it opens.
[Markl] Seems ingenious to me.
[Jessica in task] What an idiot!
You think the floaty will keep it from falling over, right?
- Okay. - Hmmm.
The lasso is too loose.
[Markl] There's too much lasso.
Shhh. Shh shh sh.
5 euros?
Yep, that'll be it!
- [Markl] Okay. - [Inês] Nice!
Wait, now that I did this one,
how much time do I still have?
12 minutes 33.
- Let's measure that, and give me... give me a couple more tries. - To see if you do more.
- To see if I can go further. - Okay.
The floaty did its job.
Ah, okay. I get it now!
You're trying to be faster than the ball.
[Markl] But are you faster than a ball?
I'm so stupid.
Hand me the ball, please. If I ask you for more balls,
would you pass them over? Could you give me the ball again?
Can you give me the ball, please?
- Almost there, almost there! Can you give me another ball, please? - Another ball.
Measure from here, I had it about here!
Count it from here. I had my arm here,
that's where I dropped it from!
- I tried hard! - [Inês] Well done.
Had this been Season 1 Jessica,
she would have gotten it in, and then walked away.
- Season 2 Jessica... - Would have been happy.
- I had done it, but now... - [Markl] Would have been happy about it.
But Season 2 Jessica says, "No no, I can do better."
She climbs on the roof of the hut--the shed,
- and there she goes. Well done. - Oh yeah.
- [Vasco] "Here we go." - I want to win.
That's commendable. It must be said that Jessica tried at first to build a
- Cata, cata, cata, cata... - Cataplana.
- Cataplana? - Catapult.
- Catapult? - Catapult.
Very good. And what did you give him 5 euros for?
So he would shut up.
I thought she gave them as a joke. "Haha, we're on a TV show!"
But they were actually quite handy when I had to pay for parking.
Distance! How many meters stood between Jessica and the bin?
A splendorous 3 metres.
[Vasco] Wow!
A metre-something, no?
We'll see, we'll see.
Well now, the next person complained a lot,
to the point of invoking a physical state
in which they hadn't found themselves in many months.
- To try and manipulate my tender heart. - I wonder who...
- What did I do? - Ladies and Gentlemen, Inês Aires Pereira's task.
I don't remember.
- Can you press the pedal? - I'm not allowed.
- But I'm pregnant. - [Markl] Again?
I could go like this...
How do I do this? How will I...
Maybe it's just me and I'm supposed to do something...
I don't get it.
Am I being dumb?
I don't want to say it again.
I've said it too many times.
Right, I know I can do this,
and then maybe I'll toss it.
I can't believe this is the task.
I really did not miss this.
Everyone looking at me looking like an arse.
- How does one look like an arse? I don't get it. - Look in front of you.
Someone will have to put all of this away!
[Inês] No one helps me!
Someone will have to tidy up at the end.
Should I toss this?
[Inês] It wouldn't work!
[Inês] Nobody will help me, right?
Has anyone tipped the... of course they did, haven't they?
Many people have done many things.
They've tipped it? Then how...?
- [Markl] At the moment of throwing, it must be shut. - Right, at the throw it has to be closed.
Oh my God...
What if I take this out?
I'll throw it, and just do this when I throw,
and then throw it in here.
It's devious, isn't it?
It's something Jessica would do.
If I'm a little higher, right?
The distance is bigger.
Is it?
A little bigger.
Hold still there, then.
I won.
Can I blow the whistle?
No. Wait. Am I being stupid?
Okay. 6 minutes.
I'm being stupid.
We celebrate diversity in thinking.
Okay?
I'm not being very div... diver...
Diverse.
No.
Blow it.
Blow the whistle. I've won this.
Blow it.
[Inês] That wasn't bad.
Inês, correct me if I'm wrong, but
this is what upsets you most on Taskmaster.
There's a task, and when you're not too confident about it,
then you think about it for too long, and in the end you do the task,
but it doesn't look like you're too happy about the task.
About your performance.
It's the expression on people's faces, when they're looking at me.
People's expressions while they look at me get on my nerves.
So when I'm insecure and I see people going like...
The thing is, behind the scenes there are ten apes going like...
And some of them are having fun at my expense and go...
- And I just want to... - You want to shine.
- I want to shine. - [Vasco] To shine!
Now you get it.
You want to be Inês AP, the country's sweetheart.
- [Vasco] Well then... - Wow!
- Distance? - The distance was measured at 3.24 metres.
- How much did you do? - [Jessica] 3 metres, give or take.
- But I think it was less. - However...
- [Vasco] However... - I didn't open my mouth, Inês. Wasn't me.
I think it's important we once again highlight a fundamental rule. Markl?
- Yes? - The fundamental rule was, at the time of throwing...
The lid had to be shut.
- It had to be shut? - Yes.
Now, we have two ways of finding the answer to your question.
- Whether the bin was shut or not. - Exactly.
My first idea is to ask Inês
if she thinks the lid was closed
and trust her honesty and integrity.
- Right. - And we wouldn't watch anything. - And the second?
The second is to look at the so-called replay.
- First one. - [Vasco & Markl] Okay.
So maybe we ask Inês.
Inês, when you threw the ball, how was the bin lid positioned?
- I just want to say one thing. - [Vasco] Sure.
I don't remember, but if I said "okay,"
it's because it was closed.
Let's double check then, go to our...
If I didn't think so, I would have said, "wait, it's open, I'll redo it."
Then maybe we have a look at the replay, shall we?
Let's watch the replay.
[Vasco] So... Open lid! And only then
do we have a beautiful throw, worthy of the NBA.
On target. Which means that at the time of throwing,
the bin lid was already open. And that, Inês,
will of course have consequences on your score.
Look at what Gilmário is doing.
Once again, it's the audience who gets me.
Markl, we have someone who managed to get themselves in a worse position than Tânia.
The question here is if anyone can outdo Jessica.
I would say that if the task was,
"Run back and forth the largest number of metres,"
then the next contestant would leave here basically a Guinness record holder.
Heavens! How much this man ran, while I watched over it all,
comfortably seated.
Markl, you'll pay for it one day. You know that, right?
I know, I know. I already did, Vasco. I already did.
Here is the task by Gilmário Vemba.
- It must be shut while I throw. - Correct.
Hang on.
I'm not entirely sure of what I'm trying to do here.
It might work out.
I don't know.
[Markl] Looks like Mikado. [pick-up sticks game]
Nothing!
I'm discovering things, Markl.
[Markl] God bless the duct tape manufacturers.
Darn!
[Markl] Almost.
Let's try something else.
How long, Markl? Tell me the time!
4 minutes 32.
- No! How? - It didn't go in.
It was supposed to go in! How?!
If I see someone doing it in a simpler way...I swear, I'll kill them!
- It's in. - [Inês] It's in?
It's in?
[Markl] Was the spot here?
Gilmário, I know you're in shock.
I need help. I need your help, Gilmario.
You never helped me, Markl.
I did it all by myself.
You wouldn't even lift yourself to return the ball. Nothing!
Serves you right!
Now you want my help because you need to take measurements.
- [Gilmário] What's that? - Just place a foot here, please, Gilmário.
- No, no, no! - [Markl] I'm not in the competition!
[Gilmário] No, wait, excuse me, where were you?
Right here, wasn't it? Let's go.
We all depend on one another.
- Damn it! ...Take it easy! - There is an interdependency among all humans on Earth.
You cannot live alone, like that, as if you'll never need anyone.
Now you're there, that could have been done in a few minutes, but no!
It takes longer now, and that measurement will probably be wrong.
- It will be wrong. - [Markl] No it won't.
I'll be robbed. I'll be cheated, because of you.
No, no, no! The measurement won't match! It won't match!
Why don't you measure it with steps?
Why involve Pythagoras?
Doing math?
Is it even necessary, Markl?
- I asked for it, I guess. - Gilmário mistreated you.
True. You see, I'm a person of a certain age...
- Markl, not even what he did for Joyce -- for Jessica,
- which was just to give the ball back. - Who's Joyce?
Jessica. Joyce.
Just giving the ball back. Nothing. Markl, please, just close the lid.
But for Jessica I only had to do this, right?
Just close the lid! But now you want my help for measuring?
- To calculate things? - [Vasco] Not at all.
- Excuse me? - [Vasco] Not at all.
Tell me something. Do you think Markl...to quote you:
Were you cheated by Nuno Markl, or not?
I believe so, because the rage I felt then, he felt it afterwards.
So there was a bit of a...
Mutual assistance was lacking.
[Markl] Two things happened here.
People enthusiastically celebrated
the moment the ball entered the bin.
And Inês Aires Pereira enthusiastically celebrated
the moment Gilmário said, "Nope, no help for you, I'm having a rest."
- And she goes, "That's right!" - "Serves you right!"
[Vasco] Markl, everyone mistreats you.
Well, we can say you weren't cheated,
because Nuno Markl, despite some physical difficulties, as we saw,
- [Markl] Bending over. - Bending over,
took his measuring tape, and he measured how much?
Very well, I measured 10 metres 70.
[Inês] Wow!
- Well, we're missing Toy. - Missing Toy!
MissingToy, MissingToy, MissingToy, MissingToy, Toy, Toy,
MissingToy, Toy, Toy, Toy, Toy.
[Markl] I'm sorry.
I hear it....
[Markl] I can't help myself.
I just can't help it.
[Vasco] I wasn't expecting you to go on for so long.
Me, neither! Me, neither.
[Vasco] How would you define Toy's performance?
Just like this Missing Toy chant: immortal.
We're talking about material that will be debated for generations upon generations
and probably no one will ever reach a definitive conclusion.
I never though I'd say this, but the union between Toy
and a garbage bin is pure philosophy.
- The sky is the limit. - Such a klutz, gosh.
Not even like this, gosh.
At least I've managed one.
It's shut.
It's throwing this into the bin from the furthest distance, right?
- [Markl] Right, right. - Let's go.
I am at a distance from the bin.
- And the lid is shut! - [Markl] You want more? - [Toy] The furthest distance.
So, the bin is shut.
I'll throw the item.
The bin must be shut the moment the item is thrown.
And I'm at a distance.
Can you measure the distance, please?
- [Markl] Plus five? - [Toy] Yes.
[Markl & Toy] Plus five.
- [Markl] Go on. - [Toy] Twenty one.
[Toy] Twenty one.
Yes, sir. Always a pleasure.
It had to be in the pedal bin.
But this is... this belongs to that pedal bin.
I'm saying it now so I don't have to say it in the studio.
Okay, so you're saying that this would never exist on its own, right?
Never. Kiss kiss.
I don't know if he's right or not.
Either way...
I think we might be in the presence of a genius.
Just in case...
Okay.
Done.
Isn't that what it said?
At the time, I was completely disarmed.
Okay. So let's debate.
- Toy. - [Gilmário] Toystoevsky.
- You were...Toystoevsky! - [Gilmário] Toystoevsky.
According to your logic, the pedal bin and the bin bucket are one and the same, is that correct?
What it said was, "put the item in the bin, and when you do so, the pedal bin must be shut."
And you removed the bucket?
The bin could have 4 parts or 19. It doesn't matter.
It's the same bin.
Okay. So what makes you think you could put it inside the bucket,
and the bucket counts as the bin?
Because it belongs to the bin, otherwise it wouldn't be there.
- Mmhmm. So... - Look, so one part was there, okay?
I could have broken the bin in half, the lid would be shut,
and then put the thing inside the other half. It's still the bin.
My brain just exploded. I'm terribly sorry.
- [Markl] I told you so. - [Toy] I did only what was written.
"Place an item in the pedal bin from the furthest distance."
"When you place the item in the bin, the bin must be shut."
- That's what I did. - That's very normal.
Sometimes you start a car that has its engine inside another car.
It's a part of it. You still started the car all the same.
It's just lacking the engine...
I think this is one of the biggest brain teasers that has ever happened on the show.
I can actually see how Toy believes they are one and the same.
"I take from here, and I place it here." But now, the measurements.
Let's see...
The silence in the studio is distressing me.
If we assume that the bin bucket and the bin
are one and the same, that means Toy did 21 metres,
because he's 21 metres away from the pedal bin, and he's the best in the task.
However, if we assume that the bucket is also the bin,
that means he's done only 27 centimetres.
[Vasco] Okay.
So. I will take Toy's logic and say:
Okay, so the bucket belongs to the pedal bin,
but seeing as it belongs to the bin and they are one and the same,
I'll measure the distance between Toy and what he considered
as part of the bin, which is where he threw the object.
- How many centimetres was that? - 27.
- [Vasco] Don't take it personally. - [Markl] 27 centimetres.
I always said Toy was right.
- Toy is always right. - This was fascinating. What a TV moment.
This belongs on the second channel. This is now RTP2. [mostly cultural programming]
This is RTP2!
- When it comes to distance, the furthest was Gilmário Vemba. - It was Gilmário.
So, what does that mean for the score?
As for the score, Gilmário gets 5 points.
[Vasco] Okay.
Then Jessica.
[Vasco] Okay, with 4 points.
[Vasco] Go on.
[Markl] 3 points for Tânia.
[Markl] 2 points go to Toy.
[Vasco] Inês.
[Markl] And Inês, 0.
[Vasco] No, no, no. I won't do that.
[Vasco] Inês. Inês.
Sometimes the Taskmaster can give out 0.
But not today. You get a point because you tried hard,
despite the dilemma with the bin and the open and shut lid.
You get a little point.
So those are the scores of our contestants in the pedal bin task!
Charity.
Let's see how this score influences
tonight's total score.
[Markl] Let's do it. At the moment,
Toy leads with 7 points. Tying at 6...
666! The number of the beast!
The beast being me!
[Markl] We have Jessica Athayde, Gilmário Vemba, and Tânia Ribas.
And lastly, with 5 points, Inês.
- [Vasco] Inês, that's 2 points from first place. - I know, but this one didn't go well.
[Vasco] It's very balanced.
As we said in the beginning of the episode, it's good that every now and then
we can send a message that will inspire the viewers,
especially the younger ones, to become more humane and responsible individuals.
- And I know the upcoming task has a message of the same caliber. - It does.
That's absolutely correct, Vasco. The message in this case is "Drink in moderation...
...but always try to keep your mouth open while doing it."
- I loved this one! - [Tânia] This one was awful.
Lelele!
- Hello, my love. - Hi!
Welcome to El Matadoro.
- We're having a drink? - That's it.
Buongiorno.
Hello.
"Drink all of this drink with your mouth open."
Isn't that rude?
"Your mouth must be visibly open throughout the entire task."
"Fastest wins."
"Your time starts when Markl..."
"When Markl..."
"blows his whistle."
Take it easy!
"And your mouth must remain open after Markl"
"blows his whistle."
Where's the difficulty in this?
So, from the moment I open my mouth, I can't close it anymore.
[Markl] You can't close it.
It doesn't seem very difficult, does it? Just do this.
But after that, how can I...?
I'm so thirsty! I want a Groselha. [redcurrant beverage]
Any person, Nuno, when drinking, generally has their mouth open, right?
If not, the beverage doesn't go in. It's a fact.
Yes, yes, but Vasco, the average opening of a civilized mouth while drinking
would never be enough to impress you, would it?
So we made sure that we explained to our contestants
that the mouth must be completely wide-open.
Almost as if it was a bucket that needs to be filled.
A bucket or a bin?
- [Vasco] No! No! Let's not go there. - [Markl] Let's not go there. Please!
Well, is "interesting" the word that best defines
what some of these people did by pouring liquid
into their wide-open mouths?
Nothing like watching yet another potentially historic television moment,
now hosted by Inês Aires Pereira.
[unintelligible gibberish]
I can't.
Like, this is disgusting.
[unintelligible gibberish]
I could be so vulgar right now.
But I won't be. Keep it in your thoughts.
[unintelligible gibberish]
You're so stupid!
Fuck!
[Inês burps]
Cut this part, please.
"Cut this part, please."
Inês, tell me about your task.
It was great.
But why didn't you cut the part where I swear?
After I asked you to cut it out.
There was no time! It was 0.3 seconds right after...
- ...after you finished your task. - It was impossible.
- Yeah, you're right. - It was impossible to cut.
Tell me, had you previously tried drinking things with a funnel?
It looked like Inês was self-torturing.
"Confess!"
No, actually, I haven't.
When I thought about the funnel, I thought, "This will be amazing."
But the process was still the same, with the mouth open.
Perhaps it would have been better to remove the funnel.
I was there making a fool of myself.
Put it in, take it out. Put it in, take it out.
And I thought it was super well-edited.
They protected me a lot, because it could have been much more...
[Vasco] Okay.
Tânia is one of the most unanimously loved sweethearts on our televisions.
- [Markl] True. - But she can't drink anything with her mouth open.
- It was terrible. - [Markl] We'll get to it.
Inês, you were so good.
[Vasco] There isn't a single citizen in this country
that doesn't respect nor admire this woman.
For that reason, tell me, Nuno Markl, that all of these national citizens
will continue to respect, and also admire, our Tânia
after seeing her try to chug a drink with her mouth wide-open.
I can't guarantee you that, Vasco.
Not for Tânia, nor for Jessica Athayde.
- [Vasco] Let's go. - [Markl] Ladies and Gentlemen.
Trying to chug Groselha without closing their mouths,
a duo I like to call "Jessânia Athaybas."
[Inês] "Jessânia" is great!
- What is this, water? - [Markl] It's whatever you want.
I won't close.
Damn.
This is impossible, man!
[Markl] Okay...
[Markl] What was that sound?
It's not possible to swallow without closing your mouth.
I'm sorry, Markl, I've never seen it.
I'll be sick soon.
It was nice, I liked it.
- But I can't. - [Markl] Okay.
It was really nice. I loved it.
That was it?
I drank the whole glass with my mouth open.
I am so confused.
Do I just leave now?
Someone should say something.
Tânia, if the task was "Spill all the Groselha on your chest..."
- You would easily win. - Easily!
- [Vasco] It was hard, wasn't it? - It was hard, and even now, I'm still wondering
how Inês managed to do it with the funnel.
[Tânia] Because it's even worse! It's much worse.
I put the funnel so it would go straight, and then I would...
I was gonna do it again.
[Vasco] Okay.
Jessica, it was complicated for you as well, but
it seemed quite good to me!
So, Jessica succeeded, and we also need
to highlight an important thing about Jessica, which was:
- Spotless shirt. - [Markl] True.
Okay. The wall, not so much.
But the shirt was spotless.
[Markl] Let's talk about how long these people
lasted with their mouths open.
Jessica: 1 minute and 25 seconds.
- [Vasco] Okay. - [Markl] Tânia: 2 minutes and 18 seconds.
- With my mouth open? Just talking, no? - Yes.
Let's say, the whole task. Just the task. Very well.
And now, how did the boys do, Nuno?
Let's go for it. Both Toy and Gilmário
threw themselves at this task like lions.
So let's watch this duo called "Gilmoy"?
Let's do it!
[Tânia] Man, I can't believe this.
This is a new t-shirt.
[Markl] Will your kids now look at you and say...
"Awesome, dad!"
Thank you!
I was the only one who didn't close their mouth until he concluded the test.
- Yes, you did. You did close it, and did like... - I never closed it.
- When you finished drinking, you closed and then opened. - [Toy] You'll see.
- The referee decides. - [Vasco] Let's begin with Gilmário.
Gilmário opened his throat, right?
Down it goes.
And at the end, he looked like the Alien, did you notice?
It was very strange.
- It was the transformation! - [Vasco] It was very strange!
It was the Alien.
I liked it, and was also scared.
Shirt, quite soaked too.
The alligator that was here drowned.
Now, Toy.
Toy has a different approach. What does Toy do?
First, he lowers his center of gravity.
And then, showing concern about the future of the planet,
he goes for the spills.
- He still swept the table. - Yes. Cleaned up.
Toy. Very good performance.
- [Vasco] Don't you think? - Yes, I think so.
How are we going to do this? It will be complicated!
[Vasco] Well, then.
I will give one point to Tânia.
- Damn! - [Vasco] Tânia. Tânia.
Tânia. Tânia.
"But if it had been wine..." [mocking Toy's song "Água não" ("No water") about his love of wine]
[Markl] Good impression.
It must be said that Toy and Gilmário were very fast, but they also wasted a lot of the drink.
- [Vasco] But they didn't close their mouths. - Didn't close our mouths!
We didn't close our mouths at any given moment.
There were rules! To keep your mouth wide-open.
- But you also bathed in it. - Yes, yes, yes.
- It was awful. - It is what it is.
I will give 3 points to Gilmário and to Toy.
[Vasco] 3 points.
I'll give 4 points to Jessica, and also 4 points to Inês.
No one gets 5, because no one managed to do the task perfectly.
I'll give 4-4, 3-3, and 1 point to Tânia.
These are the points of this drinking task.
[Tânia] I disagree.
[Tânia] I disagree!
[Vasco] Markl, where are we at this point?
[Markl] This is what's going on right now.
Ahead, with 10 points, we have Toy and Jessica,
followed by Gilmário and Inês, both with 9 points.
And down below, but making an effort, Tânia, with 7 points.
[Vasco] Well done!
And now, Nuno. I know we have cupcakes.
Yes, we have cupcakes. Who doesn't like cupcakes? ["queque"]
Preferably with a lit candle stuck in it.
And no, by cupcakes, we're not referring to preppy people. ["queque" = also a slang term]
By cupcakes, we mean that delicious pastry creation,
also known as a cupcake.
Who would have thought that something so exciting could be done with a little cake?
Such a little cake!
- Hellooo! - [Markl] Hi!
- This is a cake. - [Markl] It's a cake.
- Do I have to sing? - [Markl] Not necessarily.
"Light the candle in the caravan." Which caravan?
Where's the difficulty?
- There's a candle in the caravan? - Right.
Where is the caravan?
And I just have to light the candle, so I can eat the cake.
I'll take this, go, and light the candle.
Yes.
There is a candle in the caravan that I have to light with this candle.
[Markl] Correct. But the candle can't go out.
Alright, just find a candle and light it with this.
- [Markl] Yes. - "Your time starts now."
So, the idea of this task is to keep the flame lit throughout the journey.
Yes, it was very important that it was that flame.
If the flame were to extinguish, it would be the end of the challenge.
Let's start by watching the incredible adventures of Tânia and Jessica.
"The time starts now." "The fastest one wins", for me, was unnecessary.
My God.
I need to get something that protects from the wind or rain.
[Markl] That exact flame has to get there.
[Tânia] Let's go. This works.
Oh, how cute. Don't even think about it!
Oh, great, soap bubbles to put out my candle.
Oh, man. I just feel like swearing.
Ah, fuck.
Sorry, you have to censor this.
Ai, ai, ai!
Don't go out! Don't go out, dear!
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
Breathe.
Thank you, Jessica.
Oh man, it went out!
Man, I lost.
It's not fair! Come on! I endured the rain, I endured the bubbles.
[Jessica] I really wanted to finish it.
[Gilmário] The look on your face.
- I think, in the history of Taskmaster, - [Markl] I'm heartbroken!
this is the saddest moment we've ever had.
[Vasco] Tânia with her hair soaked.
And the other one there with a cupcake without a candle, like this.
- So sad. - Very sad.
I felt so sad.
So close to the end of the challenge, Tânia.
Yet so far.
And then...
This is, really...
You must already have your minds a bit conditioned for this.
This for me was everything.
I really left there thinking,
"How can you host a TV show every day
if you can't even carry a candle to a caravan?"
Indeed, it was a sad challenge, and an emotional one.
- But I want... - You want to see their times.
- It's a task, isn't it? - Yes.
What happened here is that neither of them completed their goal.
[Vasco] Yes. Their distances?
Tânia goes further in less time, 1 minute and 51,
than Jessica, who did it in 2 minutes and 21.
[Vasco] Well done! A round of applause for Tânia and Jessica.
Nuno, who are the next adventurers
on this tough and epic journey?
It's the Fellowship of the Cupcake,
Consisting of Inês Aires Pereira, Toy, and Gilmário Vemba.
I have to get some protection just so I don't lose this flame.
- It can't be another flame? - [Markl] No.
♪ Senhor! ♪ [Lord!]
I'm feeling a certain ease... in this task.
Now I have to go and get something to
shield from the wind.
Wait a minute!
What?
Hi-yah!
Son of a bitch!
Markl, I have to go get something from upstairs.
- [Markl] Really? - Yes.
This plan must be incredibly creative.
If I put it under my t-shirt?
- Will it burn?? - [Markl] You will burn.
- And if I put it under yours? - I will burn.
I've won!
- Don't you think I've won? - We'll see.
It's closed!
♪ [High-pitched, off-key rendition of "Senhor Vós tendes palavras de vida eterna"] ♪ ["Lord, You sing of eternal life"]
[Toy] Where's the key, Markl?
Damn, this is too much!
Where's the key?
[Markl] In its usual place!
Sometimes a person walks by things and doesn't even notice them.
I'm not going to put up with comments saying that I am...
The key?
Oh! We passed by it, I think.
How annoying!
No...
[Inês] MARKL!
- Can you just lend me your umbrella? - [Markl] "Please."
[Inês] The key? The key?
The key!
"Oh, I'm so funny."
"Oh! The key! We passed by it."
Isn't this the key?
Markl, are you sure this is the right key?
[Markl] Maybe it's not?
- [Markl] No, it is. - [Inês] It's not this key?
[Markl] It's an old door.
I'm going to pull this shit out.
Markl, this is broken. Someone broke this.
It's broken.
The question is:
Can you take out the cupcake, or do you have to put the candle in?
- 'Cause I don't know. - I don't remember, Markl!
Why these questions now, at this exact moment?
You see how it's not easy?
- It took you a lot of time as well. - It's lit.
It's lit.
Does it have to be with the same candle? Can it...?
- It's the same fire! - That's the question...
But are you lighting a candle with a candle?
- I'll go get the thing. - [Markl] Alright.
♪ Vós tendes palavras ♪ [You sing words]
♪ Senhor! ♪ [Lord!]
- Hello! Markl. - It's still lit.
"Light...the candle...in the caravan... with the flame...of this candle."
Okay.
Really?
- But it was lit. - It was.
Okay.
The candle is lit.
[Inês] If you're going to do it, do it well!
- What did you name them? The Fellowship of the Cupcake, right? - [Markl] Right.
I am very proud of the Fellowship of the Cupcake. Truly.
Vasco, just like Inês, I also have the same feeling for my role on this show:
"If you're going to do it, do it well."
I have to live up to my responsibilities, Vasco.
And for that, I apologize, but now I have to do my job the right way.
There's some footage...
No! No! You all promised!
[Tânia] What?
You all promised!
It wasn't supposed to be like this!
- [Markl] But it's supposed to be done well! - [Vasco] What's going on?
- There's some footage you have to see. - [Jessica] What?
- Markl! - I know we promised, Inês, but it's too funny. Let's see.
This is so humiliating.
AAGH!
Light it up again, please! Light it up again!
It wasn't my fault!
I gave in and lit it again because...
[Markl] I really wanted to see Inês versus soap bubbles,
and Inês versus rain, and Inês versus all the rest.
Do you know what they said? They said:
"No, of course, it's much funnier if you do the whole task."
[Markl] And it's true. It's true.
But this was also a lot of fun!
You can call me anything...
...except a liar!
- Very poetic! - I'm not a cheater!
- The team said, "Yes, ma'am, let's do it." - [Markl] They did.
- I said, "Then I'll do it." - [Vasco] And you did it.
"Do it because this task is really meant for you." "But isn't it cheating?"
They said, "No, do it, it's good." I said, "Okay, then!"
I'm not sure if it was exactly like that...but anyway,
I now pass on this hot potato into the hands of the Taskmaster.
- But I'm a good person. - [Vasco] Inês... - [Markl] That's true. It's true.
Well, this changes our rankings a little bit,
because Inês goes from "I completed the task"
to actually be the one who extinguished her candle as soon as possible.
Well, let's go from the fastest to the slowest, shall we?
- Right, right. - Who was the person who managed
to do it the fastest?
- With the fastest time, it was Toy. - Yes. Toy.
[Vasco] Toy scores 5 points in the candle and cupcake task.
After that, it's Gilmário.
- [Markl] 4 points. - [Vasco] Okay.
- [Markl] After that is Tânia, with 3 points. - [Vasco] Yes.
[Markl] Jessica with 2.
And this is extremely painful...
And I know that she will hurt me a lot.
But Inês will have to have only 1 point, right?
- For this task. - That's it.
[Vasco] Another round of applause for Inês Aires Pereira,
Gilmário, Jessica, Toy, and Tânia.
Let's take a look at the overall standings.
[Markl] We have Toy in the lead with 15 points.
then Gilmário with 13, Jessica with 12,
and tied with 10 points, Inês and Tânia.
[Vasco] Applause for our five contestants!
We go to the next task, Nuno. What do we have now on Taskmaster? What's next?
Well, the advantage of making this show on a farm,
on your grandiose and majestic farm,
dear Taskmaster, is that we can always take advantage
of our contestants, because they are already there,
to help with the day-to-day labor work, right?
- I thank them for that. - We just make them believe
that they're doing fun tasks for TV.
In this case, the chickens needed feeding.
Hello, cheers.
- Hello, CotaNuno. - So what we have here?
- Oh, it's eating the duck. - Let's see.
- Oh, no! - "Convince three chickens to stand on the red mat."
- It's really "convince?" - "Convince."
"Exactly 6 chicken feet must be stood on the red mat at the same time."
- Okay, if they want. - And where are the chickens?
Where are the chickens?
"Fastest wins."
You can't touch them. You need to convince them.
For God's sake, I wouldn't be able to.
Are you joking?
- Three at the same time. - Ah, hell!
"Fastest wins. Your time starts now!"
I'm not from the country.
Here's the right bait!
I can't speak Chickenish.
Is there corn?
Can I get stuff?
I mean, I can, but what?
"Convince."
Gilmário will win this.
Oh, cuties!
I particularly like the verb used in the task. "Convince."
- Three chickens. - Convince.
It isn't just picking them up and placing them on the red mat.
- No. - They need to convince the chickens.
[Markl] Yes. No chicken touching allowed. The task needed to be resolved
via chicken-based dialogue.
- By understanding. - Yes. That's why the verb "convince".
Point made. Let's see two experts in forced farming,
Gilmário Vemba and Inês Aires Pereira.
[Inês] Chicken, come here, my dear.
Corn! Corn, corn, corn!
[Inês] I need corn!
Oh!
[Gilmário] I know about Angolan chickens.
[Markl] Yes.
But I've never met Portuguese chickens.
It's a new thing for me.
Chicken!
Ah!
- What's wrong? - I don't know! I'm just afraid to touch them.
Hi, chickens!
[Inês makes kissing noises]
That's how you call a dog.
[Gilmário whistles]
I don't think I can do it.
[Markl] Chicken whisperer.
Corn!
- I'm just doing what is on the task. - [Markl] Right.
[Inês groans in disgust]
Come on, Carla!
Jessica and Inês. They're going to help me with this.
Chickens. Here, babies.
[Gilmário makes popping noises]
Is that how chickens are called?
[Gilmário] Mmhmm.
Look, here's some corn.
Now...eat as much as you want!
[Inês] And now, Markl, come here.
- Do what? - You just stand here.
So they won't move.
Yes, yes, yes, yes!
[Gilmário] Two feet.
Two.
And then...
[Gilmário] Four feet!
Come on, Jessica!
[Gilmário] Six feet!
[Inês] Rafa, please, come here.
I'm pregnant.
Again?
[Markl] There needs to be exactly six feet.
- [Markl] Two...four... - [Inês] It's done.
[Markl] Four. Four.
[Markl & Inês] Five, six.
- Bye, cousin Markl! - Hugs!
- [Gilmário] It's done! - [Markl] Happy chickens.
[Jessica] That was fast!
[Vasco] Who are our next chicken whisperers?
Next up are two people very loved by the Portuguese public,
Toy and Tânia,
who already sound like an amazing 1980s Spanish pop music duo...
But I think we can still shorten it more.
- [Vasco] Even more? - [Markl] Ladies and Gentlemen,
persuading chickens, here's a duo, which I like to call "Toynia."
[Toy] Corn. Where's the corn?
Well look, get out! Get out of here! Go to the red mat!
Is there chicken food over there?
[Markl] It's like you're at a store. "Is there chicken food?"
[Markl clucks]
Go, go, go! Walk, Walk!
This isn't working. Right.
[Toy makes odd beeping noise]
Go, go, go, go, go.
Come here, come here.
Come here, come... No, no, no, no!
Oh man, you need to help me! I'm a "day time" woman.
I'm not accustomed to farms.
Oh, my dears!
I'm coming to tell you a story.
Hey, look here!
This isn't working.
There, there! There!
If the mountain will not come to Mohammed, then Mohammed must go to the mountain.
Just you wait and see.
Get over here!
Auntie Tânia is feeling good.
[Toy & Markl] Six.
[Markl] Yes, sir.
[Tânia] One already.
Hey girl, don't hold back. Join them.
[whispering] Go, go, go!
[Tânia] I'm done! Sorry. I'm done.
Viva! Woo!
Very good!
"Viva! Woo!"
Yeehaw!
And there's only Jessica Athayde left.
Jessica Athayde's true super power is often making fascinatingly complex,
what in reality should be very simple.
No, wait, this can't be it.
I need to create some sort of scheme.
Here's the entrance.
Come here!
[Jessica clucks]
Oh, the house fell apart!
[Toy] "The house fell apart!"
Go!
This is impossible.
Exactly. Look, one is already inside.
Very good!
Sorry! I didn't mean to scare you.
I need someone to hold and then close the door,
or the other one will leave.
Don't touch! Don't touch her.
[Jessica makes tutting noises]
[Tânia] Just a little touch.
Go!
Done! Done! Done!
[Jessica] They all touched with their feet. I saw.
Be on top of what?
They're all inside it again.
[Loud chicken imitation]
Go, go!
Go!
Poor things. Go return to your lives.
Taskmaster is like this.
One second you're crying because your candle went out,
and the next you are doing... [loud chicken noises]
- It's true. - It's a chicken.
You know what I never thought? Pick up the mat and bring to them.
And for everyone else it was a very natural thing, but for me...
The chickens, when they heard you clucking, were like, "What's that language?"
"We've never seen any that big!"
[Vasco] The score, Markl.
The person who took the longest was Jessica.
Jessica took 33 minutes.
- [Markl] She was extremely elaborate. - [Jessica] This is too much.
- You spent more than half an hour doing that? - Half a hour for the chickens.
[Markl] She did. She did.
Okay, so Jessica gets how much? One point.
- She gets one point. - Okay.
How sad.
[Markl] Next we have Inês.
Inês with 2 points, Tânia with 3 points, Toy with 4 points,
and Gilmário was the fastest of them all, with 5 points.
- [Vasco] Applause for our magnificent ones. - [Markl] He's a chicken whisperer.
[Vasco] And we are like this.
[Markl] Toy is in the lead with 19 points, then Gilmário with 18,
Jessica with 13, as well as Tânia, also with 13 points
and Inês with 12.
[Vasco] Very good!
We've already had grand mental and physical feats.
We've already had cupcake travels.
We've seen object throwing at closed bins.
We've also had people acting like gluttons while drinking Groselha.
And even a incursion on the animal kingdom.
But I think that for dessert,
we should go with something more minimalistic.
- Sound good? - Sounds good.
Now we'll see one of the simplest tasks on this show.
So simple that it can be summarized in one word.
But is it so simple in practice?
Let's see.
- [Markl] Hi. - Hi, how are you?
- My bow. - Hello, Nuno. My bow for you.
[Markl] Many thanks.
- [Markl] Toy. - Hello!
Bon soir. [Good evening]
- Should I sit down? - If you want.
- Comment allez-vous, mon frère? [How are you, my brother?] - Bien, merci. [Very good, thanks.]
- Should I? - The simplicity.
There's something fishy here.
"Get goosebumps."
I'm always goosebumped.
It's a thing I often say. "I'm goosebumped."
- Magnificent. - This part is easy.
"Your goosebumps must be revealed in this room."
Huh?
- So it needs to be here. I need to get goosebumps in here. - Basically.
- "Fastest wins." - "You have 30 minutes."
30 minutes for you to see my body hairs stand on end?
For you to get goosebumps.
"Your time starts now."
So, just like chills, or...?
I can get goosebumps.
Am I goosebumpy?
- I have a magnifying glass to check. - You need to see... - Right.
Someone needs to pet me.
Lot of things give me chills.
On the butt.
[Markl] This will be promising.
What techniques were used to get the desired goosebumps?
Many techniques. I'll just say that there was even someone who tried
~ my sexiest voice. ~
- [Vasco] Didn't work, right? - No.
Trying many goosebump methods,
it's Gilmário Vemba, Tânia Ribas de Oliveira, and Jessica Athayde.
How do you...get goosebumps?
Try to get...
Cold?
Maybe?
No, but...
I got some in my eyes.
- What did you say? - It got in my eyes.
Disgusting! Lemon isn't giving me goosebumps.
I won't get them with the lemon.
Ice might work. Is there any ice?
If I ask Markl to kiss me here...
- A kiss on the neck? - Would... Actually, no.
- You want a kiss on the neck? - No, no, because it would leave a mark and people would talk about it.
Because it gives me chills.
[Markl] But goosebumps...
No, like... it's just...
Well, it's just more of a romantic thing.
I would need background music, some other things, but...
Do it!
I think it's working! I think it's working!
There's a small goosebump.
I can feel it. It's running down my spine.
What really gives me the chills...
Is the idea of biting into cardboard.
Like this?
How is it?
No?
- Oh! I hate it! - It gives you goosebumps, too?
Look, look, look, look, I'm all...
[Tânia] Want to feel? Markl, for God's sake.
[Squeaking scratching noises]
Goosebumps.
Look at how committed I am.
There's concrete proof that this is a goosebump.
My arm hair isn't like this. It's not normally bristly.
It's usually smooth.
- You said you're bristly? - It's bristly.
Can't you see it? Look closer.
Look there. Look, look, look. There.
Anyone could see it.
[ ♪ Marco Paulo - Nossa Senhora ♪ ]
Lighter, please.
Incredibly, I think they are rising a bit.
[Markl] My God.
[ ♪ Marco Paulo - Nossa Senhora ♪ ]
They really are rising. What a strange trance.
[ ♪ Edvard Grieg - Peer Gynt: Morning Mood ♪ ]
Oh, wait. Look. Maybe...
- It's a nice mood for sleeping. - Are you getting tired?
- Do you see them, Markl? - I think it worked!
- It was so strange. - You think, or you saw?
- I felt them. I felt them. - I got goosebumps. You can check.
Amazing.
Look, do you see that? The water's already evaporated.
And my pores are like,
"Woohoo! We're here!"
Try whispering something sensual in my ear.
My dream...
is running fully naked...
smothered in some kind of gelatin.
[Markl] I think it worked. Have you finished your task?
Yes!
I'm so thrilled!
- Was this weird? - It was...unsettling.
- But it's done, isn't it? - [Markl] It is. It is.
- [Markl] But we got to know each other a little better. - Yes.
Thank you. You'll whistle?
Okay. Time's up.
If you ever need goosebumps, I'm doing free sessions.
- I feel bad now. - Well...
I was willing to do anything.
Anyway.
[Gilmário] Bravo!
Tânia's more relaxed now.
She used to be a bristly woman. ["eriçadona"]
[JOKE:] "eriçado" = bristly (hair) / "dona" = dame
[Markl & Tanya] A bristly woman!
And you finished Beyoncé-style, with the fan blowing.
[Vasco] Wonderful!
Tânia took 6 minutes and 19.
- Okay. - To get goosebumps.
[Gilmário] The tempo of Shakira's song
actually matched exactly
with that fan on Tânia's face.
♪ Lo-le-lo-le-lo-le... ♪ ["Whenever, Wherever" / "Suerte"]
Top.
Moving on to Jessica. She did a different task.
Instead of goosebumps, she got tortured.
- [Markl] True, true. - Because it was everything.
- I couldn't do it. - [Vasco] There were ice cubes.
[Vasco] You tried cuddles.
But you confirm that Jessica didn't get goosebumps.
[Markl] She didn't get any.
How long did you try? Half an hour?
- Close. - Gilmário, you entered kind of a trance, right?
Yes, because I learned that cardboard here isn't the same.
So, I needed to have, like, a mental session
and remember Luanda's cardboard in order to get goosebumps, [Capital of Angola]
because yours is poor quality.
- So, Gilmário finished the task in..? - 6 minutes and 27 seconds.
- 6 and? - 6 minutes and 27 seconds.
- [Vasco] And Tânia took? - [Markl] Tânia took 6 minutes and 19 seconds.
[Vasco] 6 and 19. 6 and 19, 6 and 27, Jessica didn't finish.
That only leaves Inês and Toy.
Yes. And now:
Someone who moved many things, both material and human,
to get goosebumps.
I saw things, Vasco! I saw things!
I saw things that I wasn't supposed to see.
Ladies and Gentlemen, getting goosebumps in a...different way,
Inês Aires Pereira.
Normally right here, but...
Let someone cuddle you while I look at your arm?
Damn, I'm not going to sit here and show my nipples.
I need to be naked. I can't be here naked.
Well... Not on principle, right?
Damn, I have shit here too, and my boobs...
I can't show myself.
[Markl] Should I do something with the feather?
You can.
- Where? On the arm? - On the arm.
Is anyone else here?
Rafa, you know what I like.
I didn't mean it like that...
Please cut this.
Right, Markl.
Can we do it here?
Oh, man, I really didn't want to show my belly.
Look at this.
What's another way to get goosebumps? Ice!
Damn, this will be super pornographic.
Can I go all out?
This isn't giving me goosebumps.
I won't win.
[ ♪ Lisa Gerrard - Now We Are Free ♪ ]
Like this?
With the quill, or with the feather?
Oh, Mom, Dad, I'm sorry.
Okay. Do I go to the bra?
Is something happening?
No, Markl. Nothing is happening.
[BANG]
Aaaaaah!
Damn.
[Markl] Let's stop for a moment to reflect on what's happening.
Music from Gladiator is playing, I'm holding a magnifying glass and a feather, and you're bent over showing your back.
- Should we give up? - I dunno, you decide.
What are you doing?
It's my last resort.
Everyone fights in their own way.
If I show a perky nipple, it's not really showing anything.
If a little thing shows, that's it.
This is also new territory for me.
It's perked.
Ah, man, after 20 or so minutes.
It's perked. This is goosebumped.
"Get goosebumps."
Oh, I'm so fucking stupid.
Markl, we made this figure...
This will haunt us for the rest of our careers and lives.
This girl is crazy!
I can just hear my dad. Always saying, "Speak well, Inês!"
That was the least of your problems in this task, Inês.
Not just that. You tried everything, right?
And at one point, when Markl asked, "What are you doing?"
you said, "Look, it's a last resort."
And you pointed the fan towards your chest.
And needless to say, a goosebump is a goosebump. If it's on the nipple, then it's on the nipple.
But I was most afraid when Inês opened her pants and did this.
Wait a second! Wait! Wait!
Where exactly are we?
It gave me goosebumps.
I was worried. Really worried.
Nuno, how much time did Inês take to get goosebumps?
Until the *boiiiiiiiiing* moment...
It took 18 minutes and 39 seconds.
- [Vasco] 18:39. Inside the time. - [Markl] It is.
And all that's left to talk about is Toy's task.
- Isn't that right? - [Markl] That's true.
- [Vasco] Missing Toy. - With Toy's task,
we entered an almost paranormal domain.
I, at least, have never seen anything like this. Absolutely amazing.
"Thirty minutes. Your time starts now."
Done. See if it's done.
Huh?
- Isn't it done? - [Markl] It's done.
- I have goosebumps. - Your arm hair is sticking up!
- Confirmed? - I didn't even have time to see the before. Just the after.
Is it confirmed?
It's done. I only need to think about something that gives me goosebumps.
- [Markl] Seriously? - I swear.
Can I know what the thing is? Or not?
- It's sad. - [Markl] Okay.
You can whistle.
- Everyone has their own tactics. - Damn!
I was really goosebumped, and I still have some now.
- Okay, I'm going to leave. Can I? - You can. You can.
That was...
- [Markl] Want to know how long it took? - How much time?
Three seconds.
And in a moment, I'll have goosebumps again.
Okay. On scoring terms, keeping in mind it's a timed task,
- and who got goosebumps quickly... - You want to start with the fastest?
- No, I want... - With the slowest.
- The slowest will score less. - Jessica was the one who...
- Jessica didn't do it? - She didn't do it.
- But I tried. - Jessica gets a point.
A point for Jessica. Next, Inês with 2 points.
Being on the nipple should be three or four.
- There's some logic to that. It's special. - Isn't it? A nipple is worth more.
Next after her is Gilmário. Gilmário with 3 points.
Tânia with 4, and Toy with 5.
[Vasco] Very well. A round of applause.
Let's look at the general score.
[Markl] Toy is in the lead with 24 points, followed by Gilmário with 21.
Tânia in the middle with 17.
And after her we have Inês and Jessica, both with 14 points.
[Vasco] Very well. Applause for everyone.
- [Inês] We can't win tonight. - [Vasco counts]
The scores will be easy to add up, knowing that the last task
is worth 5 points. Tonight's Taskmaster can be won by
either Gilmário Vemba or Toy.
Everything is decided in a task done here.
Applause for you all.
Raise those glutes and get to the stage.
Let's head to the last task of tonight's Taskmaster.
Toy or Gilmário Vemba. One of them will win tonight.
Meanwhile, obviously, everybody will do this task.
And Markl, what's the final task?
I'll give it to Jessica, who's in the middle, for her to read.
- Thank you. - Jessica, you really enjoy reading tasks, right?
The pressure.
"Draw the monster the Taskmaster is going to describe."
"Most accurate drawing wins."
"You have two minutes from when the Taskmaster starts talking."
Very good. You all got it?
- Two minutes? - [Vasco] Two minutes.
- But first we need a description. - [Markl] I won't whistle.
- [Vasco] But you'll count the time, right? - I'll count the time.
- Keep telling us the time. - Let's do it?
Let's do it. The time starts now.
"The monster is angry, and has three arms. Two of which have muscles."
"She has two eyes. And two more eyes."
"And a leg. And two more eyes."
"And a huge tusk that resembles a tree."
[Jessica] A tusk? What's a tusk?
"She's urinating and waving."
"And holding a cake."
"And she's striped."
"And she's really, really cold."
"And she has three more legs."
"And she's doing a cartwheel."
"And she has a dog that is small,"
"and hairy,"
"and ginger,"
"and black,"
"and has a missing leg."
[Vasco] That's it. [Mischevious laughter]
[Jessica] Can you repeat all that?
No!
Okay, I'm feeling nice. What do you want to know about the monster?
What's the dog's colour?
[Vasco] The dog...
- [Tânia] Ginger. - It's small, hairy, ginger and black.
There. I won't say anything else.
We've got 40 seconds remaining.
[Vasco] 40 seconds. You can do so much.
How do you make people look upset?
You should auction this off afterwards.
[Vasco] Time's up. A round of applause.
- Good evening, Inês. - Good evening.
Inês, is it me or have you...
You couldn't care less about what I said.
No, I heard "two monsters, three arms, and urinating."
I didn't draw the urine. ["I'm Gilmário" / "I'm Toy"]
Okay. So you've drawn two monsters who have names.
This is Gilmário, this is Toy.
Fictitious names.
- Yes. - Yes.
- The potential winners of the episode.
Applause for Inês Aires Pereira. Thank you, Inês.
Gilmário. That's a nice monster.
It's a... she-monster?
It's somewhere in the middle. But I heard green colour.
I mean, I heard monster, so I went to the green colour.
Usually monsters are green. I don't know if you've seen one.
- It's not close to the original. - No.
I don't know why I understood three legs.
At one point, I said "three more legs."
[Markl] He didn't draw a dog, but there's a bird.
Okay, he's got some stuff, but not much.
Applause for Gilmário Vemba, who gave it his best shot. Thank you, Gilmário.
Jessica. During Season 1, there was a task where you had to draw
where you did really well. [S01E02]
You're good at drawing. Do you enjoy drawing?
- I do. - You do. Okay.
So, the monster is angry.
[Jessica roars]
- Okay. - Wait.
- She seems angry. - We have sound effects, everyone!
- We have sound effects! - Angry.
- Has three arms. - I missed that. I only heard two.
- The two arms that are muscled. - Oh, okay.
- Look at the muscles. - Okay.
"Three, of which two are muscled."
Has two eyes, plus two eyes, plus two eyes.
- Six. - Right, six eyes.
Has a huge tusk, that resembles a tree?
- No. - No, we don't have the tusk.
- [Jessica] I don't know what a tusk is. - She's urinating?
- [Markl] No urine. - She's waving.
- She is. - Over there.
- She's holding the cake. - There's the cake.
She's striped?
She's really really cold?
- [Markl] Also not conclusive. - Has three more legs.
One plus three, four legs.
She's doing a cartwheel.
- She is, look at the arrows. - The arrows, doing the cartwheel.
And has a dog that is small, hairy, ginger, black,
- and has a missing leg. - One, two, three.
A huge applause for Jessica Athayde.
Not bad, Jessica!
- It's also pretty. - Toy's drawing is really important
for tonight's ending.
- The monster is angry. - It is.
More or less. I don't know if she's angry or just discouraged.
Like this. Angry.
- Has three arms. - Yes.
- One, two, three, four, five, six. Six arms. - No, she has three.
- That's her reflection in the mirror. - Oh, okay.
- She has six eyes. - Yes.
One, two, three, four, five, six. Well done.
We need four legs.
- We've got, one, two, three, four over there. - Sorry?
One, two, three, four.
A blue one, a black one, a blue one, a black one.
Oh, okay. That's it.
- Really cold? - Can't you see she's shivering?
- And she has a dog. - There, black and ginger.
- Black and ginger. - That's a spider!
He has a missing leg. How many legs? I can see four legs.
- No, no. - I even see five.
No, this is the snout, and that's the tail.
- So, one, two, three, four legs, right? - No, this is the penis.
It's Toy, Ladies and Gentlemen. Applause for António Ferrão.
Sorry.
It's pretty. I would hang it on a wall in my house.
There are pretty drawings over here.
Tânia, the monster should be angry.
- It is. - It is.
It's angry.
- Really angry. - Really angry.
- Bristly! - Bristly.
Has three arms, two are muscled.
Three arms, you choose which two are muscled.
We need six eyes.
One, two, three, four...
- There's a lot. - It has a lot of eyes, okay.
And it has a hairy dog?
- Hairy dog. - Ginger and black.
Ginger... and black.
And it has a missing leg.
- Of course it does. - It does.
Can't you see these three that are painted red?
And this is just some fur.
Various fur. This is fur.
Best wishes for the dog.
Applause for Tânia Ribas de Oliveira.
[Markl] In the end...
In the end.
If you take a closer look, it's Jessica who has the most characteristics
that match your description of the creature.
- [Vasco] Is that right? - [Markl] I think we can all agree. - [Jessica] I can't win, anyway.
Jessica, raise that drawing, and show the crowd,
who will applaud wildly.
Because Jessica Athayde has the drawing
that is most...
accurate, according to my description.
Jessica wins the last task, and gets 5 more points.
And even though Jessica won,
the winner of tonight's Taskmaster is Toy!
[Markl] Toy! Toy! Toy!
Congratulations Toy. Well done.
- [Vasco] Good tactics, right? - [Markl] Solid.
And before we all leave for our homes,
we've got the same old question:
What have we learned today on Taskmaster?
We've learned that sometimes, life puts us in check,
and to keep the flame lit, we need all hands on deck.
Don't be hostile. You should be gentle.
And drink Groselha through a funnel.
Everything is relative in here. Amazing you might feel.
And cardboard, to Gilmário, might be a meal.
Sometimes the world is calm, other times there's a ripple
You can feel joy or shivers in a nipple.
Ladies and Gentlemen, this was Taskmaster.
Have a great night! See you all next week!
TASKMASTER WORLDWIDE INCORPORATED
EUROPEAN PORTUGUESE TEAM
TRANSLATION BY MAFFU, DUDUPATIFINHO, ARERAVARA, AND HOLLABACKGIRL
PROOFREADING AND SYNC BY U/CHEQUEDUMMY
SECOND PROOFREADING BY TOMOTHY
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