# TASKMASTER THEME
- What are you doing? WOMAN: "- I'm in the bathroom."
My God.
Fish, fish, fish.
- Just one more time. MOM: - You're silly.
- You don't have to think here, Markl. - So sweet.
SCREAMS HUMS
"Welcome to the highland"
I never thought such good television could be made with this.
APPLAUSE
(...)
VASCO: How are you, my dear?
Good evening. The moment of the week has arrived
when everything seems to make sense in the world,
which says a lot about the state of the world. God help me.
Drop everything you're doing, unless you're grabbing from behind
someone who's choking on something
and you're squeezing their rib cage to see if that naughty cashew
shoots out of their throat and that person survives.
We don't want to carry more guilt. What we do here is enough,
every week, to five renowned public figures.
And what the five renowned public figures do to me.
With that, I'm fine. Ladies and gentlemen,
make some noise, because this is "Taskmaster"!
APPLAUSE
(...)
Next to me, a man who recently confided in me
that every year he signs up for numerous salsa championships,
hoping that one of the championships
is about the popular herb and not about Latin dance.
Nuno Markl!
Thank you. APPLAUSE
Just to clarify, I have a vegetable garden in a pot.
And the parsley seems better than the one from the supermarkets.
It's always dance championships, isn't it?
Unfortunately, yes. As if the other salsa wasn't as important.
As if it were possible to garnish and season a 'bacalhau à brás'
with Celia Cruz.
LAUGHTER Jesus...
Moving on, I want you to show your love
for Pipoca Mais Doce, Ana Garcia Martins!
APPLAUSE
Gilmário Vemba!
(...)
Straight out of a Disney movie today, Gabriela Barros!
(...)
That one arm-in-arm for Pedro Alves.
(...)
And our guest today Hugo Van Der Ding!
(...)
Good evening everyone. Good evening, Hugo Van Der Ding.
- How are you? - I'm great.
I haven't seen you in ages. How's your life?
It's great. I'm still on the radio, on Antena 3, every morning.
And now I premiered a program on RTP 3 with Martim Sousa Tavares
called "Two People Making Television".
We are two people making television. The title and the synopsis are in one.
A round of applause for Hugo who is our guest today!
APPLAUSE
As is tradition, "Taskmaster" starts with Palmeirim awarding points
to objects that these five bring from home
and that obey a criterion. What did I ask for today?
Today we asked you to bring the best thing for the 5 senses.
VASCO: For all five.
Ana, what did you bring that obeys this criterion?
I'm going to ask you to show the image so I can explain.
VASCO: Let it appear in the air.
It's a trolley full of yellow ducks that is the symbol of this program.
Why? For now, vision.
It's a delight to see a trolley with originality.
Then, for hearing, I imagine the noise of the trolley on the sidewalk
and the little ducks inside, quack-quack, as they jump around.
More... Smell. You can't smell it from here,
but these little ducks have been perfumed.
If you open the suitcase, the little ducks smell very good.
- I'm looking forward to knowing about taste. - Wait, one is missing.
MARKL, VASCO: - Touch. - Petting baby ducks...
- Is there anything more lovely? MARKL: - Sounds sinister.
- Super sinister. - Finally...
- Comes the taste. ANA: - Exactly.
Because the ducks are edible.
"But they are made of plastic." And the shit they eat every day?
- Isn't it too? VASCO: - Thank you for the trolley. Ana.
- Gilmário... - I went for the obvious. No beating around the bush.
I believe the audience will agree with me.
What I brought is good in every way. Please.
- I brought a bread basket. - I really like bread.
GILMÁRIO: When you hear bread...
Bread... When you hear there's bread, we've already won.
The smell of bread. Who has never passed a bakery and thought:
"I didn't even want bread, but I'm going to park now."
- If it were me, I'd give it a five. - Smells good, tastes good.
Warm in your hand... Who has ever gone to buy warm bread,
bought a bag of ten and arrived home with two?
- I'm one of those guys. MARKL: - Me too.
- For me... - You don't even need anything inside.
- It's great. - Applause for the papo-seco. Thank you.
APPLAUSE
VASCO: - Gabriela, what did you bring? - I brought an object that...
Just talking about it makes me emotional. I don't know if I told you.
I recently became a mother.
We've been here for so many hours. And I miss my daughter.
This is an object that reminds me a lot of home.
And that stirs my five senses just by looking at it, and hers too.
She goes crazy. This is good not only for them,
because it stimulates the inner child that we have inside us.
My little pea, my little bubble inside,
just by seeing it there. - Very strange.
And it goes click-clack and visually it's an explosion of intensity
and of feelings and of things. And the sound... It has the rasp-rasp-rasp...
But I brought it here live and in color and in 3D
so you can have the same emotions that I have.
I rejoice! When I watch her play with this.
It's off. Wait. LAUGHTER
APPLAUSE
- Production... Wait a minute. I'll put it on. - Fiasco.
GROANS ANA: Cool.
GILMÁRIO: It looks like a cat in trouble.
- And you ask... "And the smell?" VASCO: - And the smell?
It smells like her drool.
Is there a name for this object at home?
It's the square of the five senses. Now it stopped.
- It's a cube. - That's it.
My colleague helping me. It's the cube.
- It's the cube of a thousand emotions. - Applause for the cube of a thousand emotions.
Pedro, are you going to cry too? LAUGHTER
I find it amazing that someone does this because they know I can't be a mother.
LAUGHTER
The object is going to appear. It's something I like to look at.
I'm dazzled. The sound is magnificent.
- You're going to cry too. - The smell is unmistakable.
In the midst of 300 million smells, I could pick out the smell.
I could feel the touch of the skin.
I could feel the taste with a lick.
GABRIELA RESONATES I'm talking about my wife.
- Unexpected. - I'm not going to bring her as a prize.
With the probability I have of never winning anything,
Gilmário would still take her and keep my most precious possession.
I brought something that has a palate a little different, but it's cool.
You can show it. I went to buy it this morning at that cow store.
- It's a representation of your wife. PEDRO: - Yes.
VASCO: Thank you, Pedro.
APPLAUSE
- Hugo, what brought you here? HUGO: - I also remembered...
Not to bring your wife, but to bring my grandmother.
GILMÁRIO: - To eat? - Let him finish the sentence.
- Otherwise, he wouldn't be here. ANA: - But is she alive?
My grandmother is already dead. I couldn't bring my grandmother.
I brought my dead grandmother. No.
I remembered to make the second best thing to eat besides grandma.
You can see it in the image. It's an incredible cake.
It was made at home. Not by me, but it was made at home.
- You can see it. In fact, you're already seeing it. ANA: - We are seeing it.
You can eat it and it's really incredible. You can feel, you can smell.
And you can hear. The cake is like the drawing I made.
That lady is screaming "eat me".
- By the way, it's my grandmother. - She has a mark like mine.
- Cousin! PEDRO: - Cousin!
I think it fulfills the requirements, the five senses.
MARKL: - It's beautiful. VASCO: - Very good. Thank you.
Hugo and his cake.
APPLAUSE
My God.
Considering the five senses,
I'll give 5 points to Hugo's grandma's cake.
- Five points for the cake. PEDRO: - A beautiful tribute.
That's fair.
Four points for Gabriela and her cube.
I knew it. It was worth the drama.
I'll give three points to Gilmário Vemba.
- Thank you. - Bread?
MARKL: Bread is life.
Ana, just because you put on perfume, you get two points.
- And one point for Pedro Alves. - For my wife?
- One point for my wife? VASCO: - Bring your wife.
- I will bring her. VASCO: - We'll start like this.
Let's go to the first task done in my house. Tell me everything.
Let's do it. It's an epic.
Speaking of epic reminds me of The Lusiads.
Talking about The Lusiads reminds me of Camões.
Talking about Camões reminds me that love is a fire that burns unseen.
- Are we going to have love in this program? - No. We're going to have a fire that burns.
- A fire that burns unseen? - There's something that's barely seen.
But it's not the fire.
# SOFT INSTRUMENTAL THEME
#
What do we have for now?
MARKL: We set up a very beautiful pub.
- Behind the bay. Right. - Behind the bay, there.
My God.
GABRIELA: - I don't see anything. - When do you start seeing?
- Here. I don't need glasses. MARKL: - Okay.
- "Complete the tasks." - Point.
"The winner is the one who completes the most tasks."
"You can't cross the bay.
You have ten minutes from the moment it starts burning."
Wait! I didn't read it! "Throw the baby. Kick the dictionary."
Throw the baby! No!
PEDRO: Throw the baby? Where's the baby?
Throw the baby? Is this the baby?
GABRIELA SCREAMS No!
What? I can't see anything anymore. "Throw the baby." Throw what?
I didn't read anything!
No!
Now you have a lot of things to keep you entertained here.
I didn't read anything.
APPLAUSE
VASCO: - I didn't read anything! PEDRO: - It's terrible.
MARKL: Vasco, don't you have that pleasant feeling
of having just completed a sticker collection?
That's right. There have been tasks, involving air inside balloons.
We had tests with water,
tests that involved dirt on the contestants' clothes.
And now finally we have a task with fire.
We have the four elements. We finished our collection.
Guys, party! MARKL BLOWS A PARTY BLOWER
APPLAUSE
MARKL: - It's not a big deal. - It's not that spectacular.
What they had to do was on a sheet, as you saw.
It was in front of them. And you burned with a perverse pleasure.
Not me. My heart was bleeding.
But the task was burning and they had to remember what to do.
The truth is that everything was in alphabetical order.
Namely, throw the baby, AB, kick the dictionary, CD,
hide the slingshot, EF. VASCO: - The slingshot.
- It's from your time, grandpa. The slingshot. - Spin the propeller, GH.
Ignore the alligator, IJ, throw the marker, LM.
Pick the orangutan's nose, NO, kick the cheese, PQ.
Spin the skirt, RS, maim the bear, TU.
Vandalize the xylophone, VX and zebra the zebra, Z.
I think there's little zebra-ing on television, don't you think?
Very little zebra-ing. One hundred percent agree.
But that's also what this program is for.
Who are the first in this predictable parade of misery?
Gilmário Vemba and Hugo Van Der Ding,
a collective I like to call Hugário Van Der Demba.
LAUGHTER
Do I throw the baby? Your baby.
MARKL: - Is this a baby? GILMÁRIO: - That's a baby.
The baby! It's wearing diapers!
Here is the letter A. Could there be a certain order here?
One I remember... Vandalize the xylophone.
Eat the cheese.
Right.
Read the dictionary.
Things started with the same letters.
Decorate the dictionary. I'll start. Okay, A...
Zebra the zebra. I remember that. Zebraing the zebra must be doing this.
- Good! - Zebra the zebra.
MARKL: - It's a good verb, isn't it? HUGO: - Zebra and zebra.
This is very strange. Spin the propeller.
Kick the cheese. I'm almost certain it was kick the cheese.
HUGO MOANS
I broke my foot. LAUGHTER
Now the Alligator with the letter I. Infla...
What can you inflate? I don't know, spin the skirt. Lightning!
GABRIELA: - Look! - Look!
I'm doing random things. I can't throw this into the pool.
- T... - What could it be?
It could be take the bear out. I took it out.
MARKL: This image is perfect. You have a bear, a skirt. Incredible.
I'm going to throw it into the pool anyway. It won't hurt.
- It won't hurt. MARKL: - Very good.
HUGO: Was it to crush the bear, wasn't it?
- Is it crushed? MARKL: - It's pretty crushed.
MARKL WHISTLES MARKL: Time's up.
- You look disheartened. - I am. I'm super sad.
Without knowing what was written there.
MARKL WHISTLES WEAKLY
Even the whistle is sad.
APPLAUSE
It was funny and, at the same time, disturbing
to see this man's happiness stabbing a bear with an alligator,
in front of a front row full of children
who, looking at the children, expecting sad reactions,
it was all... SCREAMS OF JOY
- What's wrong with you? - Children have changed a lot.
It was horrible. The only thing I remembered was slaughtering the bear.
I remember your guilt. You weren't comfortable.
But when you did, I saw a certain disillusionment in your eyes.
- I saw a certain fear. VASCO: - It wasn't just slaughtering.
He opened the bear in half and removed the intestines.
MARKL: Yes, he did, but always with that adorable look he has.
HUGO: But it was horrible.
Gilmário, it's not normal to see you sad in a test and you ended up desolate.
As soon as they said "set it on fire", it really caught fire.
Everything caught fire. I was trying to guess.
I left sad in the certainty that I hadn't guessed anything.
Results now or does it stay for the end?
- We can say it now. VASCO: - So, tell us.
Gilmário got four correct actions.
Throw the baby, spin the propeller, rotate the skirt and zebra the zebra.
And Hugo got five correct actions.
All of them super violent. Throw the baby, kick the cheese,
vandalize the xylophone, murder the bear and zebra the zebra.
Zebra-ing the zebra was the calmest.
VASCO: Who are the next ones?
Let's see how Pedro and Gabriela fared,
seeing the task list burning and, with it, their sanity.
- I didn't read anything. MARKL: - Right.
GABRIELA SHOUTS
I don't know. You never know.
VASCO: - Was it an accident? - It was.
- Over there? MARKL: - Wherever you want.
Shoot, baby. Launch a bear.
Where's the dictionary?
I don't remember anything else.
Swallow the slingshot. Bend the slingshot. Fool the slingshot.
Is it with an E? Shoot the baby. Kick the dictionary. E... Slingshot.
Can I try to hit a "camera". No?
They'll take me to court. A slingshot won't.
VASCO: Great luck!
- What's it called? Turbine... - Is that a turbine?
- Propeller! MARKL: - Right.
A propeller can cut hair. It can cut grass.
Does the propeller spin? I wonder?
I... What is this? A pen? A crocodile?
- Xylophone... - What can you do with the xylophone?
Markl is handsome
- I don't know what this is for. - Time is passing.
Can we burn the paper again?
What could be done with a dictionary?
- In this case, it was to read the dictionary. - Was it?
Nothing with the orangutan.
GABRIELA GEME
PEDRO: Cracks the cheese.
- Spin. Spin with the skirt. MARKL: - Beautiful.
Cheese.
I can play the bride. I can play the Waikiki dancer.
"Welcome to the highland Because you are so beautiful tonight"
- Let's go to the next one. - S, sells. Want to buy?
Vandalize. Look how good.
Flying monkey to the water!
T, take a bear.
Lock the bear. Locked.
- Naming the horse, right? - Was that it?
It was. Pony.
- "Zumbeia"... MARKL: - "Zumbeia"?
Get angry! No!
MARKL WHISTLES MARKL: Thank you and see you soon.
- What were the thingies? - You'll see later.
If I hit one, I'll be happy. I don't know how my colleagues are doing.
- Thank you, Mr. Markl. - Thank you.
MARKL: - "Zumbeia" (Zooms). VASCO: - I'll start with that.
Gabriela, how do you "zumbeia" a zebra?
That's the question the whole of Portugal is asking right now.
It's the question that begs to be answered. I don't know.
There were many you got by chance, weren't there?
- Weren't there? I'm extraordinary. - Tell me about results.
Pedro managed three correct actions, one unintentionally.
- He hid the slingshot in his pocket. VASCO: - He did.
Besides that, he threw the baby and spun the propeller.
As for Gabriela, she got six correct.
She threw the baby, kicked the dictionary, kicked the cheese, spun the skirt,
vandalized xylophone and threw the marker.
- It was kind of by chance. It's legal. VASCO: - But it still counts.
Only the little girl with the trolley of ducklings is missing.
ANA: - It's not worth it. - It's not worth it?
- Let's go to the next one right away. - Let's see.
Throw the baby.
Kick the dictionary.
I don't know if it's good to send things away.
Okay. And that was it. Thank you. I really enjoyed this little bit.
See you next time. MARKL RI
- What are the ten minutes for? MARKL: - To do things.
LAUGHTER
(...)
APPLAUSE
I didn't understand anything.
I was very tired. I had a baby six years ago.
I didn't understand anything. I read the first two. I did those.
When I turned around, it had disappeared. I thought it was over.
GABRIELA: - You didn't want to play. - I didn't know.
I didn't know it was for playing more.
- Give me five penalty points. MARKL: - There's something that needs to be said.
Ana got two correct in 32 seconds.
She has the best average of all.
- The best average of all. VASCO: - The best average.
Considering she has the best average, how many points does she get?
- One. - Thank you.
MARKL: Pedro gets two, Gilmário, three points,
Hugo, four points and Gabriela, five points.
VASCO: Very good. Input the scores for this task.
to our leaderboard.
MARKL: Tied with nine, Gabriela and Hugo.
Then, Gilmário with six
and tied with three, Ana and Pedro.
VASCO: A round of applause for our five.
PEDRO: There are two ties there.
Next, we have one of the most minimalist proposals we've ever made.
Yes, we were asking for something so simple.
# SOFT INSTRUMENTAL THEME
MARKL: - Whoa! - Uhu!
Hello, hi.
- I'm nervous. Can I step on this? - When it's just one line...
An old-fashioned eraser and chalk. I like it.
- "Write a word..." - "...that you like on the board."
- No mystery, right? - A word you like.
I'm tempted to write "nothing." That way, I don't have to do anything.
- What do you like? - Eating.
MARKL: - Cookie. GABRIELA: - I hate this word.
- You hate it? Find one you like. - I hate it so much, I like it.
It's one of those things that goes around.
- Basin. - Do you like it?
I love it. It has a beautiful sound.
GILMÁRIO: - "Pamodi". MARKL: - What is that?
It's "why" in Creole and I love this word.
Let's go with saudade. Ready.
- Cookie. Doesn't it satisfy you? MARKL: - Okay.
We have more fun.
- Opa... - There was still this part. Sorry.
There's always a trick up your sleeve. That is, in the card.
- It seemed too easy. - Did I do well in choosing alguidar?
"Connect to a person of your choice."
"Make the person say the word you chose."
- It's easy, by chance. - Will it be?
"Make the person say the word you chose
the most times possible during a 5-minute call."
Wow, five minutes.
"You can't say the word you chose
or pass the idea that it's a task."
Sure. "Mom, I'm here on a program that has tasks."
- "Which one?" - "Say cookie several times."
"Cookie, cookie, cookie." "Okay, Mom. Thank you."
"If the person you choose starts to get suspicious,
Markl will hang up the call."
"The player who makes the person they chose
say the word they chose the most times wins."
- "Pamodi". - "Pamodi".
Damn it...
- Where's my phone? - There because of that...
They took my phone.
MARKL: I suppose you need your phone. Here it is.
- Why do you have my phone? - It's my phone.
It has to be mine. I don't know the numbers.
- Is it mine? MARKL: - It's yours.
Production! Did someone "swipe" my cell phone?
- I think the verb is "surripiar". - Sur- what?
MARKL: Surripiar.
Don't correct me when the cameras are on.
This is cut out later, obviously.
APPLAUSE
I loved Ana's bad temper. "As if she knew... It's my phone."
I love that people might have thought: "How refreshing.
"How good. Just choose our word and write it down,
no pirouettes, no physical or psychological effort."
Maybe they thought we were going to weave the word into a doily
to take home. No.
That wasn't a bad idea and I'm a hidden crochet talent.
Choosing the word was just the first half of a task
full of anguish and embarrassment.
Then came the hardest choice. Who to call?
Would the person on the other side say enough times
saudade, biscoito, trough, eat and "pamodi"?
- "Pamodi". - "Pamodi".
- Who do we start with? - Gabriela's cookie.
Let's call my mom. Wait. Let me think.
My mom is very smart.
If your mom says "you're on the 'Taskmaster' show..."
GABRIELA: - She will. - I instantly... Pow!
This is a deadly mix for my mom who knows me well.
Me sleepy and having strange conversations, she'll say: "You're on 'Mastercard'."
- Am I, Mom? MOM: - Yes?
- Are you okay? MOM: - I am.
Did I tell you I spoke with Aunt Paula?
Next time we're with her,
you make a snack at her house and we buy a box with...
Those assorted things. What's it called?
The word isn't coming to me. Say it, Mom.
MOM: I have no idea what you're talking about.
They're big boxes. Metal boxes. You even keep them.
And you always say: "The boxes are very pretty."
MOM: - Panettones. GABRIELA: - No, they're not panettones.
They're little cookies. They come with several cookies from each nation.
- A box of... MOM: - Assorted.
Yes, but I already said "assorted" half an hour ago.
- Box of assorted... MOM: - Cookies.
Yes, but there's another word similar to cookie.
- Assorted of... MOM: - Biscuits?
GABRIELA: - Of what? I didn't understand. MOM: - Biscuits.
I didn't understand. Sorry, Mom. It's cutting out.
MOM: - Biscuits. - Huh?
MOM: - My God, biscuits. - Sorry. Say it louder.
MOM: Biscuits. I'm shouting.
APPLAUSE
Sorry, Mom. I didn't catch that. Say it louder. Just one more time.
MOM: You're silly.
LAUGHTER
- Just say it one more time. MOM: - I won't say it. You're silly.
- Go tease someone else. - Just say it one more time.
- Sorry, I didn't catch that. MOM: - You're very funny.
- I'll tell you again. Cookies. - She's suspicious.
That's right. I'm going to buy a box of that. Kisses.
MOM: What is this? Are you crazy or what?
I hung up. She only got suspicious after asking the fifth time.
Right. She didn't say you were in a challenge. She just thought you were crazy.
- She already has a very large margin. - She does.
I felt like she was like: "There she goes with her things."
- See? I won, didn't I? - I don't know.
The call wasn't five minutes. It was 3.5, wasn't it?
I would have stayed longer on the phone with my mother.
I didn't understand. I got closer, because I felt she was getting suspicious.
Because now she was getting suspicious.
If I said: "Do you want to see that this is for 'Taskmaster'?"
No... MARKL WHISTLES
- I didn't understand. - But it was a good challenge.
At least, the moral victory will be yours.
Whatever that is.
- Goodbye. MARKL: - Thank you.
APPLAUSE
- Why did you call your mother? - Because I have no friends.
[LAUGHTER]
How many cookies did Gabriela's mother say?
- What's your mother's name? - Maria Margarida.
- Maria Margarida said 6 cookies. VASCO: - Six times the word.
Very well. Who's next in this cabaret of embarrassment?
Hugo Van Der Ding. One thing has to be said.
Hugo was quite nervous about this task.
What does a person do who is nervous about a task
that involves calling someone?
Maybe he calls someone he trusts, like Gabriela did,
so that the task can be more peaceful. Right?
The most incredible thing is no.
It doesn't have to be someone I know.
I can call a bowl shop. I'm going to look for a bowl shop.
- Can't I say the word? MARKL: - No.
CENSORED WORD LAUGHTER
OPERATOR: Please wait. Your call is on hold.
MAN: - Good morning. - Good morning. José Carvalho speaking.
I needed to place an order for plastic boxes.
I needed to know what kind of containers you make.
MAN: What boxes? That hard plastic?
- That's right. There are buckets. What else do you have? MAN: - We have everything.
We have buckets, we have square boxes.
They can be grated or not, for transporting things.
Yes. And those more domestic ones? Do you have those too?
MAN: We have those big garbage bins of 80 or 120 l.
That interests me too. I'm missing the word.
Those that are used at home to put clothes in.
MAN: Baskets. It can be more rectangular and less height.
- Or those more grated. - And there are those round ones.
- Normal ones. The ones for home. MAN: - The basins.
That's it. Everyone has one at home. They are round things.
MAN: - Basin? - Yes, that.
MAN: - Basin... HUGO: - That's right.
You had told me about several sizes. Is that right?
MAN: - Yes, we have. - Can you tell me the sizes?
MAN: Do you think you can call me after 2 pm or 3 pm?
- I have a customer here. - Okay.
- Thank you. Hugs to everyone. MAN: - You're welcome. See you soon.
I'm going to start crying. Poor thing.
A big hug to everyone. Ready.
- Pleasure. See you next time. - It was a pleasure.
- Good business. Right. - Four basins. Jotelar!
APPLAUSE
- My God. - You were moved by the sympathy.
HUGO: I was. I'm horrified to do these things.
For now, I'm ashamed of my friends answering and saying...
"Go to who knows where." Or... "What do you want?"
It was a fear of yours. "I can't call any friends."
They are all more mentally retarded than me.
I thought about calling... It's a legitimate thing.
I wanted to say "I didn't understand", but I felt sorry for him.
Then, I said: "I have a client here. Call back later."
- I decided to abort the mission. - And you called back?
Yes, and today we are married.
LAUGHTER APPLAUSE
(...)
How many times was the word "alguidar" spoken?
The gentleman from Jotelar uttered the word "alguidar" five times.
I want to see more people suffer on the phone,
trying to get other people who have nothing to do with it
to say an unlikely word.
I think we agree that the most unlikely was "pamodi".
- Says the word well. - It was magnificent to see Gilmário
searching for the ideal contact to achieve this.
There's a person who I think would say that word,
as many times as I wanted.
Now if they don't say it, I know I'm screwed.
VOICE MESSAGE
I don't even know if it's off. What language is this?
MARKL: I don't know. He's saying it in several languages.
- Dude, what language is this? - Now it's in English.
- This number isn't right. MARKL: - Is there no one else?
Someone... I have to find the comrade's number. Damn.
- It's ringing. - It's not ringing.
PHONE RINGS
(...)
GILMÁRIO WHINING MARKL LAUGHS
MARKL: - Damn. - Damn!
Where are the friends when we need them?
- You can believe it. - So many Cape Verdean friends.
- And when I need it... "Pamodi". - "Pamodi".
The Cape Verdean people are a people who have a strong migratory talent.
They're never still in one place. They're always going from one side to the other.
I have to keep trying until I succeed. Do I have some time for that?
No, it starts counting as soon as he answers.
Doesn't answer. Neither one nor the other.
Could they be on a plane? Both of them... Damn.
MAN: - "Pamodi" ! - Yes !
MAN: - Did you call by mistake? GILMÁRIO: - No. What did you say?
MAN: - I said "pamodi". - You know how it is. I have to call you.
When I want to hear that, I have to call you. Otherwise, forget it.
- Did you see the show on the beach? MAN: - It was super cool.
- "Pamodi" ! - So...
You saw that the next day the comments were only about that.
- Everyone. MAN: - "Pamodi".
I told you to change the name.
That was the idea, but he didn't go for it.
Everyone said the same thing in the comments.
MAN: - About "pamodi"? - Exactly. Everyone.
They wanted to make t-shirts saying that thing.
I don't know how to spell it.
MAN: - "Pamodi" is P-A-M-O-D-I. GILMÁRIO: - Right. That's correct.
Next time I go there to do a show,
I'm going to take t-shirts saying that.
I had to call you from Instagram. I don't have your Whatsapp.
Send me your number. I'm going to start recording now.
- Afterwards, send me your number. MAN: - Alright.
Okay.
- How many "pamodis" did I get? - I'm going to applaud.
He answered badly, said "pamodi".
There was one they didn't hear, because the sound wasn't...
- But there was a "pamodi" there. - Yes, there was. He repeated it.
My Cape Verdean friend knows everything. I call him and he solves the problem.
Sending a hug to everyone from the islands of Cape Verde,
even that one where nobody lives.
- Bravo. - Incredible.
- Remember this. "Pamodi". MARKL: - I will never forget.
"Pamodi"... The people invent words that they can't say.
- "Pamodi". MARKL: - Thank you.
- "Pamodi". - Honor be done to your friend.
- Who is your "pamodi" friend? - It's Carlos Andrade.
He's a stand-up comedian too, Cape Verdean.
Every time I call him, it became...
I told him it was the word I liked the most in Creole.
Every time I call, everyone has an obligation to say "pamodi".
- How many "pamodis"? - Seven.
- Seven "pamodis". VASCO: - Very good.
- You won. GILMÁRIO: - I won against you.
Who's next to test someone's patience via telephone?
Pedro Alves and his simple word "eat".
- Do you want to put this on speakerphone? - Who are you going to call?
- Hello, boss. WOMAN: - Hello.
- What are you doing? WOMAN: - I'm in the bathroom.
PEDRO: Before you go to the bathroom, what were you doing?
WOMAN: - Having lunch. - You were what?
WOMAN: - Having lunch. - Having lunch.
- And having lunch is what? WOMAN: - It's eating.
PEDRO: - It's what? WOMAN: - Eating.
- What? WOMAN: - Eating.
- What? What? WOMAN: - Eating.
PEDRO: - What? WOMAN: - Yes.
You're in the bathroom, but what were you doing?
WOMAN: - Eating. - Let's go to a nice hotel.
In the morning we wake up starving and what are we going to do?
WOMAN: We're also going to eat.
LAUGHTER
If we invited Markl for an evening there in Porto,
it would be cool to take him to a tavern to...
WOMAN: - Eat. PEDRO: - What did you say?
WOMAN: - Eat. - What did you say?
WOMAN: - Eat. PEDRO: - What did you say?
WOMAN: Eat, eat, eat.
Imagine a person who is very fat like I used to be.
What would I like? WOMAN: - To eat.
But now that I'm thin, I'm a person who...
WOMAN: Likes to eat salads.
LAUGHTER
How long do I have? WORD CENSORED
LAUGHTER
(...)
I was being admirable until you said "how long do I have".
- Sorry. - It was one of the most admirable things.
- It's a serious relationship. - Sure. Congratulations.
We have interphonic communications that makes it so...
- Sure. - "What do you like?" "Eating."
- There you go. - Thank you.
- Can I take it? - You can.
- I have to call my wife. - To explain.
I'm still going to get punched, but oh well.
Eat, eat, eat. Eat!
APPLAUSE
MARKL: That was amazing. I almost feel the need to say it.
That was such an incredible performance. Your wife seems to be used to it.
- She's on board. - The naturalness...
Regarding my wife, I'll talk to you about it no problem.
He gave her a point. There's no communication.
How many times was the word "eat" said by Nocas?
Pedro got Nocas to say the word "eat" 34 times.
PEDRO SCREAMS WITH JOY APPLAUSE
(...)
And Ana Garcia Martins is missing.
We left this wonderful moment for the end
in which it becomes evident that Ana has a heart
and it's beautiful to see her assume her sweet role as a mother.
I'm going to call my daughter.
Can you make her understand that you're not here doing a task?
She's six years old.
BOY: - Hello? - Hello, love.
BOY: - Hello, Mom. - Are you okay?
- Pass the phone to your sister? BOY: - Sure. It's Mom.
GIRL: - Hello, Mom. - Hello, little one.
I haven't seen you in a long time. What does Mommy have of you?
When Mommy doesn't see you for a long time, how does she feel? With...
GIRL: - Sad. - Sad. And with what?
GIRL: Missing you.
- What does Mommy have? GIRL: - Are we going to have lunch here?
Focus on what I'm asking you. Then, we'll talk about that.
So sweet. Mommy was saying that she has what from Beni? What does she have?
GIRL: What does she have, what?
When I don't see you for a long time, what do I have?
GIRL: - Missing you. - That's right.
Mommy likes to hear you say that so much.
Can you say it many times for Mommy to hear?
GIRL: Yes. Missing you, missing you, missing you, missing you.
More. You're so cute. I like it so much. More.
GIRL: - Missing you. - Yes, more times. Many.
GIRL: Missing you, missing you, missing you, missing you, missing you.
More times, little one.
GIRL: Missing you, missing you, missing you, missing you, missing you.
Missing you, missing you, missing you, missing you, missing you, missing you.
Missing you, missing you, missing you, missing you.
Enough!
Can it be just a little bit more?
GIRL: Do you want me to say it again?
ANA: - Now that you mention it. GIRL: - Missing you, missing you.
Mommy wants to.
- Is Grandma going crazy? GIRL: - What?
GRANDMA: The girl has been saying "missing you" for a quarter of an hour.
LAUGHTER
Okay. Kisses, love. See you tomorrow.
GIRL: - Kisses, Mom. ANA: - Kisses.
I think this was one of my best moments of the day.
- Hello. - May I?
MARKL BLOWS WHISTLE Thank you.
- It was touching. And manipulative. - Goodbye.
APPLAUSE
The bonus even came out. Beni's grandmother picks up the phone and says:
"What is this that the girl won't stop with 'saudade, saudade'?"
The woman was at the casino.
Do you know how many times Beni and your mother said "saudade"?
ANA: - I have no idea. - Markl, do you know?
- I remember this number. 88 times. PEDRO: - Wow!
VASCO: - Let's convert it into points. MARKL: - One point for Hugo.
Two points for Gabriela, three points for Gilmário,
four for Pedro and five for Pipoca.
- An applause, very good. PEDRO: - Deserved.
Look at her.
- Send the points to the screen. MARKL: - Gabriela with 11 points.
Hugo with ten, Gilmário with nine,
Ana with eight and Pedro with seven.
Another round of applause for our five fantastic ones.
APPLAUSE
The table is good. Seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven.
That was very good, but I want more.
- What are you going to give me now? Go on. - Let's go for drinks.
# RHYTHMIC INSTRUMENTAL THEME
#
Hello.
You're Cláudio Ramos, aren't you?
Let's go to the Wild West.
IN ENGLISH We're back in Texas.
(...) Here's what we're going to do.
(...) Each one is going to try to do something to me
(...) and I'm going to say what's going to happen.
Some with chicken feathers on the pine cone
Others with turkey feathers on the...
- Is it to read the boss's letter? - Let's see this.
"Fill this glass."
# COMICAL INSTRUMENTAL THEME
"Fill the glass until it overflows."
Okay.
"The glass must remain on top of the tube for the entire duration of the task."
"Only liquids can touch the red carpet."
Okay. GABRIELA RI
"The fastest wins. Time starts now."
The glass... It should be here...
The glass has to stay there and I have to fill it. That's it.
- With water. Where is the water? - I have to go get water, right?
I'll look for water.
There are ladders, right? There's the most basic way.
I grab the ladder, I go up there with a jug and...
Didn't everyone do that? How dumb.
APPLAUSE
When someone is asked to fill a glass until it overflows,
in the real world, that's easy to do.
But the real world is boring.
Hence the glass they had to fill was perched
at an extremely tedious and impractical height.
Or as we like to call it on this show, perfect.
Right. Let's move on to Gabriela, Ana, and Gilmário,
a trio I like to call Gabanário.
Welcome to our gardening program.
Where is there water here?
My God.
I wonder if this hose reaches over there?
Can I? Only the thingy is allowed to touch the carpet, right?
- It's full. MARKL: - Huh?
- It's full. MARKL: - It's not really.
Interesting. How do I grab this?
I want to grab this. I have to go get a rake.
CENSORED WORD
Pure engineering.
# UPBEAT INSTRUMENTAL THEME
- Leave it. I don't need anything. - I'm admiring.
Thank you.
- Are you? - I'm worried about falls.
- I knew this was going to... - I'm so sorry.
All to do good and this is the price.
Saving a life, avoiding an accident.
ANA: - It's really full. - It's super full.
This must be some kind of pump to spray water.
WATER SQUIRTS
SPEAKS ENGLISH: Amazing.
Come here.
This bends.
LAUGHTER
May I not fall off this.
At my age a fracture is not very healthy.
This has acrobatic potential, this test.
I want it to be taken into account that I just became a mother.
This is not enough water.
GILMÁRIO: I want water like old man's pee.
Markl's pee.
Okay.
You're going to force me to do everything again.
- It's overflowing, people. - Is it?
# SOFT INSTRUMENTAL THEME
#
- It's fine by me. MARKL: - Doesn't seem like it to me.
There's proof... There's a camera there...
- Isn't it overflowing? - Doesn't seem like it.
CENSORED SPEECH Great mastery. Great dominance.
Take that!
So...
- There's about half missing. ANA: - Half missing? No way.
No?
"Fill the cup until it overflows." It overflowed.
Is it overflowing, or not?
I'm very short. This test isn't for me.
Gilmário almost reaches up there.
Did it overflow?
# RHYTHMIC INSTRUMENTAL THEME
It's overflowing. I saw it overflowing.
It's done.
GABRIELA SCREAMS
All in vain. That's enough! For me, that's enough!
The damn glass.
MARKL WHISTLES It's overflowing.
I was starting to think it wouldn't.
I'm done. This is my proof. This is my glass.
ANA: What the hell.
SPEAKS ENGLISH: Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.
Whenever you need me call me and I'll come back.
GABRIELA: I'm leaving. Bye!
APPLAUSE
- Was it hard for you to give up? - It was.
You know I'm a woman who until the end,
even without teeth, hanging by a finger,
I say, no, let me... It was hard, but it had to be.
I couldn't see... I wasn't ingenious that day.
Pipoca was close to saying...
You said some things that led to some pis.
But you got my friend very wet, involuntarily.
- It was always unintentional. - Really? I got it wet?
It was difficult, but using my knowledge,
from my MBA in engineering from Harvard, to be able to achieve...
- It was very difficult. VASCO: - It was.
- Gilmário, was it difficult too? - I did it calmly.
I didn't offend anyone. Calm.
Who's next to attack the poor glass on top of the pole?
Someone who opted for a rare simplicity in this task, Hugo Van Der Ding.
If I try to go up...
Can't I touch it?
Is it just me or did he touch the mat?
MARKL: - Yes. VASCO: - And what did the rule say?
It said you couldn't touch the mat, only the water.
The thing is, that didn't stop him from continuing with his antics,
so let's see the rest of Hugo's task.
Let's go, then!
I'm going to get water, to start.
# RHYTHMIC INSTRUMENTAL THEME
You better get out of there.
#
Maybe it's not working.
Maybe...
Will the glass fall from there?
#
I did it.
The glass? It's here.
#
The easiest part.
BREATHING
(...)
It's overflowing, isn't it?
The glass has to be on top of... I didn't read that part.
The glass is on top.
#
Look at it overflowing. Isn't it?
It's overflowing, it's on top of the stick...
This now has no possible correction.
It does. I'll look for something to patch it up.
And some scissors and that's patched up.
Maybe this wasn't the most obvious solution.
This part is more difficult.
It's overflowing, isn't it?
I think it's overflowing. Underneath.
I think I managed it. Done.
Very good. I loved it. Overflowing from the bottom edges.
There was an illegality there and you could have said you wouldn't do it,
but nobody stopped Hugo Van Der Ding, the man continued and gave his best.
This was the first test I did and I was panicking about the rules.
I thought I had ruined it and thought I would continue to ruin it.
Now, we have Pedro Alves.
Pedro Alves, always intense, always vigorous,
always giving everything, but the question is,
did he give enough to receive points?
I can use a hose and try to fill that up.
Are there mango trees here?
# RHYTHMIC INSTRUMENTAL THEME
It won't work.
#
Is there a water source here?
CENSORED SPEECH That's what it was.
It filled the glass in an instant. Look how high it goes.
That's a real jet.
Does it have enough meters to go to that side?
Let's see...
We'll have to figure out a way to get this working.
Can anyone get me a screwdriver?
PEDRO SINGS He who has no dog hunts with a worm
I watched a lot of "MacGyver" when I was a kid.
I've never taken so long to stick something in a hole.
LAUGHTER
CENSORED SPEECH Wait, dude.
How am I going to stick this shit in the tap?
Black duct tape, which in this case isn't black duct tape,
it's white duct tape.
Be careful there! It could have a worm effect.
LAUGHTER CENSORED SPEECH
This did, but it was the effect that sends you to the ground.
White duct tape may not withstand the pressure, but...
What did you guys do? Did that shit burst?
I'll tie it to the tree and everything so it doesn't come out.
It would be good if it rained now.
WATER
It should work now. Let's go!
It's coming out.
# RHYTHMIC INSTRUMENTAL THEME
#
MUSIC FOR LAUGHTER
Doesn't the water have force? Slowly.
#
LAUGHTER
# RHYTHMIC INSTRUMENTAL THEME
- It looks like a Mr. Bean scene. - Wonderful!
Are you kidding me, or what?
# RHYTHMIC INSTRUMENTAL THEME
#
Just so you know, this doesn't happen to me at 50.
Why isn't this working?
#
Is it inside?
#
WHISTLING Is it overflowing?
APPLAUSE
What a beating.
APPLAUSE
That moment when you're lifting
and magically the water stops,
I thought of something and Gilmário verbalized it,
"it looks like Mr. Bean".
It's a brutal scene thinking we're succeeding
and it gets up there and that...
And I, what is happening here?
It was indeed spectacular. Sorry to interrupt.
I have some images here that may be shocking.
Ladies and gentlemen, here is true visual poetry
happening during Pedro's task.
I find this fascinating.
# SOFT INSTRUMENTAL THEME LAUGHTER
#
- It's going to touch. VASCO: - The rug.
Not on the rug! Not on the rug!
No!
VASCO: Stop!
No!
LAUGHTER APPLAUSE
- What a marvel. - Poor thing.
Look... This is the pure scene of life.
The touch causes the squirt.
What does this mean?
Do we have to make Pedro's test illegal?
Pedro, zero points.
However, Gabriela is over there nhonhonhó, but she gave up.
Zero points.
I didn't give up. I just couldn't do better.
- Hugo Van Der Ding also with zero. - Zero points also for Hugo.
Ana Garcia Martins four points and Gilmário Vemba five points.
An applause for Gilmário.
SPEAKS ENGLISH: I'm almost there. Look over there.
- Calm down. VASCO: - There's a jump...
ANA: - Look at me going. GILMÁRIO: - Look at us.
MARKL: Gilmário Vemba moves into the lead with 14 points
followed by Ana with 12, Gabriela with 11,
Hugo with ten and Pedro with seven.
VASCO: An applause.
APPLAUSE
I'm still in shock with so many people getting zero.
Three people got zero points on a task.
This doesn't happen every day.
Fortunately, here we have another different task
in which these people have a golden opportunity
to make us forget this absolute misery,
embrace a better and more dignified future.
# SOFT INSTRUMENTAL THEME
#
- May I? Here I am back. - My God.
I feel like Aunt Cathy preparing something.
Let's see.
"Glue the heaviest thing to the board, using three of the items..."
"Items on the shelves." SAYS "ITEMS" IN ENGLISH
I liked that you said items. SAYS "ITEMS" IN ENGLISH
"After choosing the three items you can't change your mind."
"Win the heaviest thing that stays glued to the board
"for at least one minute."
- You're no good. - Me, being glued to the board?
"You have 12 minutes and you have to choose your heaviest thing..."
"In the first two minutes."
- Now here. - You can choose anywhere.
"Time starts now."
What is this, super glue?
MARKL: You can't touch it, or you'll have to use it.
I'm going to start looking for something very heavy.
APPLAUSE
They had to glue the heaviest thing, chosen by them, to that board.
And it had to hold there.
It had to be something very well chosen.
Yes, this is one of those tasks
where, blinded by the irrational and greedy thirst for victory,
our competitors risked
trying to defy the very laws of Physics.
Let's start with Ana, Gilmário and Pedro,
a collective that I like to call Anagildro.
Well, I've already chosen the thing.
Let's go for this beautiful battery-powered radio.
MARKL: There it is!
Now, glue with what?
I'm going to use this without any fear.
Glue in the sense of getting stuck...
MARKL: It has to stay stuck for a minute.
GILMÁRIO SINGS CREOLE
MARKL: It's an incredible image.
I look like those pastry chefs who do that churro scene.
I chose the velcro straps.
This thing that I suspect I won't know how to use,
but that is sealant.
And thumbtacks. Thumbtacks.
I think this...
Plasticine.
- What is that? - Bands for back pain.
- Don't you use this much? - Not yet.
This doesn't stick here. It's no use to me.
This doesn't pierce the frame.
It's impossible.
# RHYTHMIC INSTRUMENTAL THEME
#
Complete disaster.
Let's glue it.
BLOW
It looks like "The Exorcist".
I'm not sure this will stick. This is a sealant.
MARKL: What's happening on television?
PEDRO: - I can't use anything else. - Three objects. You're only using one.
It's my thing of not reading the shit and then this is what happens.
MARKL: - You have six minutes. - Six minutes.
What am I going to do with this?
MARKL: If you've only just turned on your television, everything is under control.
Does this count as glued to the frame? It's leaning against the frame.
But nothing that a bit of sealant on the back won't solve.
What's the misfortune of this strip? It only sticks on one side.
Damn!
# RHYTHMIC INSTRUMENTAL THEME
#
MARKL: - Is it glued? - It's glued.
Considering that apparently there's no glue
there's no way it can be glued,
because as the name indicates what glues is glue.
If I put an arm like this...
- It's not hanging. - It's not.
It's the kid himself who's helping.
- Count. - I'm counting.
LAUGHTER
That's it.
GILMÁRIO: This won't fall, Markl. It's secure.
This is the same material that was used on the Vasco da Gama bridge.
- Here's the letter for the boss. - Ten, nine...
This could be in the Louvre.
I've seen things like this in museums.
Five, four, three... one.
MARKL WHISTLES LAUGHTER
Two, one...
- Do you consider it glued? PEDRO: - It's glued.
MARKL WHISTLES A minute has passed.
I think it was a pretty successful test
and I'm ready to defend what I did.
I will die for this winning idea of mine.
Incredible. Plasticine.
APPLAUSE
- Markl, the proof was glue, wasn't it? MARKL: - It was.
- It wasn't hanging. - No.
- Do you want to defend this theory of yours? - Certainly, Vasco.
Were any of the elements present glue?
What I'm saying is that maybe by mixing some things...
It had product behind the...
The strips were just a support to leverage the...
Shut up!
It had sealant behind it. That's what was gluing the radio to the board
and the pieces, like in any good work of architecture, of engineering,
have to have a foundation which was the tapes behind
that gave support, a sustenance...
Sounds like the final thesis of an architecture course.
When it's your turn, the girl speaks. Until then, be quiet.
VASCO: - Gilmário, what about you? - I glued it and reinforced it with plasticine,
which I glued behind the guitar.
You glued the plasticine, not the guitar.
The guitar is glued.
That's the material that was used to give support.
VASCO: - Pedro, did you glue the baby? - I did. Didn't you see?
- He was covered in glue everywhere. MARKL: - The baby had style.
MARKL: - He ended up like that in the picture. GILMÁRIO: - He's Spider-Baby.
But enjoying the scene, "you're going to win this shit".
Markl, you went there to test it, didn't you?
- Everything was hanging. VASCO: - It wasn't glued.
It was glued and he was enjoying it. He was... He was.
For the second time tonight I'm going to give zero points
to three people. - It always falls on me.
VASCO: Am I going to give zero to everyone, or not?
Let's see if any soul can successfully complete
this impossible mission, which is, gluing a thing to a thing.
I brought two things. They're not very heavy.
It's not worth going too thirsty to the pot.
MARKL: - You have to declare what it is... - It's the pot.
- The pot. HUGO: - It weighs nothing.
- You have to choose three things. - Oil, flour and water.
- To make glue. - Is that how you make glue?
Actually, it's even vinegar. I prefer it.
To make glue I even prefer vinegar.
I don't know if this will work. How disgusting.
- It's really becoming a glue. MARKL: - Aren't you going to use the water?
No, it's worse. This doesn't smell very good.
Your hope is that it takes one minute until...
Are you counting?
My God!
As it gets drier it gets stickier.
- But this way it slips less. - Good point.
HUGO STUTTERS
HUGO: It's being incredible.
HUGO SIGHS IN PITY
HUGO: Ooh, ooh... Ooh, ooh, ooh.
It lasted 23 seconds.
# SUSPENSE INSTRUMENTAL THEME
#
MARKL: Ten seconds.
#
This is good television.
#
MARKL: Twenty.
Never watching a pan has been so tense.
HUGO: It's just that there's a time when it starts to peel off.
My God.
LAUGHTER
MARKL: - 30 seconds. HUGO: - Hello.
He's going to start fast now, because there's nothing more.
#
- How much is it? - 41! 41 seconds.
- 41 seconds. - It's amazing.
I never thought you could make so good television with this.
- The smell. HUGO: - The smell is disgusting.
MARKL: 20.
A bed.
It's now or never. Go on!
MARKL: 20.
It was noble. You have a bathroom there to take a shower.
HUGO: - See you later. - See you later.
APPLAUSE
This was extremely exciting.
What did you use? What mixture was that?
I thought it was olive oil, but it was vinegar with flour and water
like they did in elementary school. I don't think they attended.
- But it was... - What a great...
In my school there was already tube glue.
But I'm very proud of this test.
That thing managed to glue, but it didn't reach the minute.
I have the duration here. 41 seconds. It was only 20 more.
- Gabriela is missing. - Missing.
Gabriela Barros, the final hope.
OBJECTS TREMBLE IN THE DISTANCE
- I don't know what I want to glue. - Choose one.
- Just one? MARKL: - Yes.
- One kilo. - One kilo?
- Portugal doesn't have to know... - It's grams.
That's what I said.
Go to the tray. Don't you think it's enough?
MARKL: Let's go!
- You have to choose three things from here. - Duct tape. Go for the mastic.
This is not heavy at all. Let me start over.
Now, it's done. You don't know what the others tried.
And plasti...
- How much time do I have? MARKL: - You have seven minutes.
I already won.
You sons of a great... CENSORED SPEECH
You sons of bitches!
Stupid!
How do you use this?
MARKL: It's like one of those pastry things.
LAUGHTER
I'd love to do these things with confidence.
LAUGHTER
MARKL: Maybe it will come out now.
LAUGHTER
MARKL: It went plop.
What is this for? I thought it was...
MARKL: If you push, it comes out.
Will that be enough? I'm going to count. Ten seconds.
The others chose much heavier things. I'm sad.
Can I do it again? I'll pretend I don't know anything.
It's moving.
MARKL: 30.
Nobody move.
MARKL: You can't touch it.
- 50. Ten seconds left. - Stay.
Good thing, stay.
- One minute. - I won.
MARKL WHISTLES
Just as well. I feel like you're leaving here distrustful.
Yes, because I think it's weak.
I confess that I leave defeated by this. I wasn't ambitious enough.
You never know. Life plays tricks on us.
PEDRO: What a great trick it played on you.
APPLAUSE
Pipoca gets zero.
- Gilmário gets zero. ANA: - What a shame.
Pedro Alves gets zero.
Hugo Van Der Ding... 19 seconds were missing. You get zero.
- Wait! He stuck a conhé. MARKL: - He stuck a conhé.
- Poor thing. VASCO: - Give him one.
LAUGHTER APPLAUSE
I'm so generous...
You're going to give me five, but I'm so generous,
I would give him one point, but since you already gave it,
it's all clear.
It's just to say that the attempt moved me
and the almost conquest of his plan.
VASCO: - I'll only give you four points. - No! No, let's go back.
Let's give a "rewind" in that head.
Five points for Gabriela Barros.
APPLAUSE
GILMÁRIO: Here she comes again.
VASCO: - So... PEDRO: - I'm still last.
MARKL: Gabriela moves to the front with 16.
Then, we have Gilmário with 14, Ana with 12,
Hugo with 11 and Pedro with seven.
VASCO: An applause for our five.
APPLAUSE
There will be a test done here in the studio,
however there is still something done at my house.
We've laughed a lot today, we've seen a lot of disaster,
it's time to embrace the sweetness and poetry of a beautiful fable.
# SOFT INSTRUMENTAL THEME
#
PEDRO: - Mr. Nuno? - Hello!
- I have a song for you. MARKL: - So?
PEDRO SINGS IN ENGLISH Let me take you far away
- Markl! MARKL: - Gilmário.
- Do you like Scorpions? - For you...
MARKL HUMS, PEDRO WHISTLES "HOLIDAY"
MARKL LAUGHS
- Why this joy? - It was circumstantial.
- Stop here. MARKL: - A little fable today.
- Hello! - There's a fake fish.
- Fish, fish, fish... - That's from a cartoon.
- Son of a b... - I knew that was going to happen.
GILMÁRIO: I got scared. CENSORED SPEECH
# CALM INSTRUMENTAL THEME
#
It's over.
Should we wait for him to die?
"Be a cool guy and take Fish back home."
"Fish can't touch the ground.
"You have to start Fish's journey back home..."
"Behind the bay and say..."
"'Go, Fish.'"
"'Good return home.'"
That phrase is very important.
"Go, Fish. Good return home."
- That phrase is important. - "'Good return home.'
"Win Fish's best trip back home.
"You have 20 minutes."
Is that all, put it there?
Get out of here and put it there?
- Behind the bay is here? - That's it.
Fish's house is water. An aquarium, a pool.
Fish Villa, Largo do Jardim, number 1.
Fish's house is...
Calm down. You're going home soon.
Just a little bit. Just be quiet for a little bit.
A "fish" like this doesn't fit in that house.
Nothing like a traditional... Is he going to do it again? I knew it.
APPLAUSE
Because I think the sweetness and poetry of a beautiful fable
have as much to do with the moment that follows
as my pants size has to do with your waist?
Free. And yet, surprisingly correct.
They always had to manage behind the bay
to get the fish into their house.
A dream house. Basically, it was a sly aquarium.
To have a fish with a motion sensor
that's what we came up with. We had to cut back on the house.
VASCO: - Gabriela screamed. - Of course, she did. It was great.
VASCO: It was a good investment. Who do we start with?
Let's see Pedro Alves and Gilmário Vemba,
being good for Fish.
The easiest will be with a fishing rod.
Go, Fish!
Welcome back home.
MARKL: - I thought it was almost possible. - He lives in the basement.
PEDRO: I'm going to put Fish on the ground. Stay there, quiet.
What if I create a pipe for Fish to make the trip...
This will be a non-extendable fishing rod that is a club.
GILMÁRIO: - Do you control time? - Yes.
My God!
The intention was good.
# SOFT INSTRUMENTAL THEME
I love the effect. The effect is beautiful.
- This theory makes perfect sense. - It does.
The bigger the rod, the harder it is to lift.
PEDRO: I can try various shits.
I can try to throw and hit there.
Don't forget you have to say the sentence.
- Go, Fish. - Welcome home.
- Look. - Look.
Welcome home.
Forget it!
You know what I want to try? It was putting the aquarium on your head.
I can get hit with a fish in the face.
Go, Fish. Welcome home.
That's it, Markl.
# RHYTHMIC INSTRUMENTAL THEME
PEDRO: Get out!
A cool little fish going back home. Wait up!
MARKL: The sentence should have been said before...
Go, Fish. Welcome home.
Do I have to do everything again?
You can do this. You're here and you do this.
Okay.
Go, Fish. Welcome home.
It's not the most pleasant moment of my life.
MARKL: - Because it's the arms... - Go, Fish.
Welcome...
Why is the fish spining? I don't know.
I already took it.
Go, Fish. Son of a...
Go!
Go, Fish. Welcome home.
Go, Fish. Look, it came out.
- Get out of there! Be careful! - God help me.
Go, Fish. Welcome home.
I said it several times. Stop! MARKL WHISTLES
DRUM ROLL
- Should I get up? - Yes.
- Are you trying to release the...
What is this that is happening?
Go, Fish. Welcome back home.
- Can I go or... - You can.
- I'm tired. - Go rest.
Go soak your arms. Thank you.
MARKL WHISTLES
Fish, stay cool.
APPLAUSE
Gilmário, do you think it was a good trip for your friend Fish?
For me, he lived in the basement. Fish knows where he lives.
In the first launch he went straight there.
Sometimes, we want to put people living on the eighth floor
and they know that life is better down there.
VASCO: Pedro Alves, your strategy with Fish was
to try to make a fishing rod ten meters long.
It cost me a lot to do that,
because I noticed that Fish didn't like that house.
You could tell by the size.
He was a Fish who liked to be out of the house.
I had a fish like that, it was suicidal, it threw itself out of the aquarium.
We've already seen two of Fish's trips back home. Go, Fish.
Now, I'm thirsty for more drama.
Preferably with a happy ending,
because whenever I see dramas of a piscatorial nature,
beneath this tough exterior, I feel a scaly heart beating.
A scaly heart. You should see it.
Here's Hugo Van Der Ding and Gabriela Barros,
helping our aquatic hero return to his cozy home.
You should start by finding where the fish's house is.
- It's over there. I can't see well. - You were going to get there.
That traditional one. Let's try.
- If you get it right... - Imagine...
You had to say the phrase.
CENSORED SPEECH
Your idea is to ride the inflatable?
HUGO: Yes.
What's the text?
Go, Fish. Welcome home.
- Throw me the Fish. - I knew this would fall on me.
- It's 20 minutes, isn't it? - It is.
Go, Fish. Welcome home.
CENSORED SPEECH
Go, Fish. Welcome home.
- We have a question. - Can't I cross the bay?
MARKL: Well...
- There's a fishing rod here, isn't there? MARKL: - How would I know? There's so much stuff.
HUGO SCREAMS I got scared.
Down!
Go, Fish. Good to be home.
Can I do it again?
MARKL: Wasn't it amazing to do a pole vault?
You'd come here from the bay, but it was spectacular.
No!
- Fire! - Yeah...
Quiet, there! Good to be home.
I'm going to grab random things.
To create a certain spectacularity.
Yes!
- Are you getting my... MARKL: - I am.
Ideally and in terms of happiness it was spectacular
that as soon as he entered the wires and sticks would come out.
- You don't have to think here, Markl. MARKL: - It's a personal taste of mine.
You'd really like this?
Go, Fish. Good homecoming.
Should I risk doing the fisherman's throw?
My God.
# RHYTHMIC INSTRUMENTAL THEME LAUGHTER
MARKL: Move to this side, maybe.
Because if I pull...
Instead of pulling the fish you pull the stick, so to speak.
Besides the puns you're reinventing laws of Physics.
Go, Fish. Good homecoming.
GABRIELA SCREAMS
Goodbye, Fish. Good homecoming.
Oh man!
Go...
Go, Fish. Go back home.
What can hold the stick in the middle?
MARKL: Good!
GABRIELA HUMS
Go, Fish. Good homecoming.
Enter... CENSORED SPEECH
Goodbye, Fish. Good homecoming.
- Is it touching? Is it inside? MARKL: - It's just the head...
Wow!
MARKL: - It's almost there. - Go, as...
MARKL: That's not the phrase.
Go, Fish. Good homecoming.
- It is. MARKL: - Can I whistle?
GABRIELA: Yes. MARKL WHISTLES
APPLAUSE
Hugo Van Der Ding, I'm very curious to know
what trip you were going to take with Fish on that duck.
I don't really know. There was a part that said
that it had to be the most spectacular trip.
- And it was being spectacular. HUGO: - I thought so.
The trip was you on top of the duck taking the fish.
Taking the fish. And he would get there and do this.
The fish would fall, everything would be fine, you would clap
and I would get five points. MARKL: - Consecration.
But I don't think that was the situation.
We'll see! Gabriela, a central element was needed.
An element that would give support for your rod.
Yes, because I wasn't very smart, which I know is unusual for me,
and I picked up heavy sticks. PEDRO: - Heavy sticks.
- Pigs. Minds... - I didn't say anything.
We saw Fish coming home, but one trip is missing.
MARKL: - Yes. - Go, Fish. Welcome home.
This phrase could become
one of the great iconic phrases in popular culture, I think.
That's right. I would love our fan community
to shout that phrase across social media.
That t-shirts were made of this.
That people tattoo "go, Fish. Welcome home" on their bodies.
And even that couples shout that in the heat of passion in their beds.
VASCO: But who says that in the heat of passion?
MARKL: People.
- Which people? - Me.
Let's see how Ana Garcia Martins solved this touching mess.
We are sure he lives here.
What am I thinking?
That was indeed his house, the Fish villa.
But due to the housing crisis the rent has increased a lot
and Fish can no longer afford the rent of this aquarium.
And so he will have to look for an alternative
more according to his gill and will live somewhere else.
Okay.
Let's go behind the bay then. Look at me behind the bay.
You're not really behind the bay. Go behind the bay.
Fish is a child. I'm going to put him back here.
Watch out for the bay. Are you behind the bay?
ANA: I'm behind the bay.
Be quiet. Let me put your belt on quietly.
I'm just going to get something. Stay there for a bit.
- Don't leave here. - No.
Decent housing, decent housing.
Fish deserves a house. Decent housing.
FISH GETS AGITATED Look...
Calm down, this is quick.
Fish is a citizen, he has the right to housing.
# FUN INSTRUMENTAL THEME
I'm starting to think that leaving him in the aquarium wouldn't have been...
It was more practical.
Telling a story conceptually is more epic.
What was the fish, fish, fish?
- It was "Sesame Street". - Of course.
- Egas and Becas who went fishing. - Of course.
Fish, fish, fish.
Look at him back there.
MARKL: Hang in there.
- We made it. - Safe and sound.
- Five stars on the app. - Yes, ma'am.
And you, my little one? Treasure. Your mother's most beautiful thing.
Let's go, then. We have fish, poster, bays...
Let's get on with our lives.
We're arriving at your new home, little one.
Let's put... He used to live in a mansion.
Maybe we'll put something more modest.
- An annex. - Fish Annex.
Fish Annex.
That could be a good name for a fish shop.
If you can, stay there burying that.
And let's proceed to the Fish launching ceremony.
ANA: I hope you're happy, Fish. It was the best place I found.
Give Fish a kiss.
Go, Fish. Welcome home, little one.
I'm having that thing of separation, you know?
Sure. You spent a lot of time together.
Go, Fish. Welcome home.
MARKL: There he goes. He doesn't want to go. He's coming back.
- He'll eventually settle in. - Bye, my kid.
Go for it. MARKL WHISTLES
APPLAUSE
Pipoca, what trip did Fish take?
It was this. Houses are expensive in Lisbon,
and he was returned to his natural habitat. He's very happy.
We've been talking. He's been sending news.
He's great. He has a lot of space now.
He started a family. He already has little fish. 374.
- They are very happy. MARKL: - Good to know.
Fish calls Ana and asks, "what's wrong?".
And she, "longing, longing, longing, longing, longing, longing".
It must be said...
It must be said here that what mattered was Fish's trip.
MARKL: - It was. - Most of them
weren't very different,
because Fish was already almost reaching the aquarium.
I'll give three, three, three, three, because they managed,
but the five points go to the last great trip
that Pipoca gave to Fish
and took the fish to its natural habitat
and even gave him a car ride. Great Fish. Great Pipoca.
My fish.
And before the last studio test, how are things?
PEDRO: I'm in last place.
MARKL: In the lead, Gabriela with 19.
Then, Ana and Gilmário tied with 17.
Hugo with 14 and Pedro with ten.
VASCO: A round of applause for our five.
Get those glutes up and go to our stage.
APPLAUSE
(...)
- Nuno, what are you pointing at? - At the last task.
And Hugo Van Der Ding is going to read it.
VASCO: A round of applause for our guest, Hugo Van Der Ding.
PEDRO: - Can you read? - Thank you.
"Push the Fish to the target, using your mop." What is this?
"You have to push your Fish in the next ten seconds
"to Markl placing your Fish.
"The Fish that is furthest from the center of the target
"at the end of each round is eliminated.
"The last Fish to survive wins."
MARKL: Exactly. That's what's going to happen.
I'm going to place the Fish there on that mark.
You have to give it a "mop".
If the Fish leaves this track here, you are disqualified.
And from then on, we'll see who can get the Fish closest to the target.
Let's start with Ana Garcia Martins and her Fish.
- Blue fish. MARKL: - Blue fish.
PEDRO: Blue fish.
- Force! VASCO: - Attention to the target, Ana.
We have the first Fish. It's halfway.
MARKL: - Next is Gilmário Vemba. - Let's go, Gilmário!
No, it's really dead. It's too far. It has to be here.
MARKL: - It has to be on the mark. GABRIELA: - Sweep the one from Pipoca.
VASCO: Good!
APPLAUSE
MARKL: - Good... PEDRO: - Your fish...
GABRIELA: - Come on. PEDRO: - ... Is on its way.
Mine is very lively.
Go! Calm down, little bug. Calm down.
Five seconds.
PEDRO: - It's me. Yellow fish. - Pedro's fish.
Can it be based on golf, or not? I'm doing this right.
MARKL: - Hugo, let's do this. - I'm terrible at this.
See if you stay behind.
APPLAUSE
HUGO SPEAKS ENGLISH: Thank you.
MARKL: - It's going to fall. HUGO: - It won't fall. It won't fall.
This is very exciting. It stopped.
My Fish is no longer closer to the target compared to...
GABRIELA: There are rounds.
The Fish that is farthest away will be eliminated.
MARKL: Let's measure the distance.
ANA: Move the mop back. You're pushing the fish's butt.
- From the center it's 1.14 m. - Thirteen and a half.
MARKL: Okay. Let's see what's going on here.
- 1.14 m. - No, mine is one meter and 13 and a half.
VASCO: - How much is it at? - 1.14 m.
VASCO: - At 14? - They are the same distance.
VASCO: - Be rigorous, Markl. - I think this one is farther.
VASCO: - And who's is the green one? - Van Der Ding's.
I thought it had been such a good play.
You're not upset, are you?
VASCO: An applause for Hugo Van Der Ding.
PEDRO: I am upset.
MARKL: Let's go to the second round.
And this time we're going to start with Gilmário and his flaccid fish.
GILMÁRIO: - The fish is dead. MARKL: - It doesn't work well.
GABRIELA: Put another one. This is a disadvantage.
He's stopped. The aerodynamics are different.
- That's true. GILMÁRIO: - It's for safety.
MARKL: Gabriela... White fish.
Mine is alive. Mine is here with some eagerness.
PEDRO: - It's fresh. - It's quiet. Wait!
Hit him in the butt and he'll get up right away.
APPLAUSE SHOUTS OF JOY
(...)
MARKL: Let's see what happens now. Pedro...
ANA: - Send them out. MARKL: - Ten seconds.
LAUGHTER
APPLAUSE
This is amazing.
SPEAKING ENGLISH: I'm back.
MARKL: Mrs. D. Popcorn...
Popcorn, what are you going to do with your life?
It's going to be brutal.
- Don't be ambitious. - Everything goes forward.
LAUGHTER APPLAUSE
The popcorn always pops.
VASCO: This round eliminates Ana Garcia Martins. An applause.
MARKL: Well... Third round.
VASCO: Gabriela behaved so well a moment ago.
Let him turn around.
- Five seconds. - Zinga.
- Ready. GILMÁRIO: - He's coming back.
Yes, he's still.
It's funny the noise your fish was making.
- Sounds like my neighbor at night. - Pedro Alves.
Here it is. Ten seconds from now.
GABRIELA: Go, Pedro!
Stay still!
I'll send you a "black pudding" that will stop you from moving.
LAUGHTER
APPLAUSE
SPEAKS FRENCH: - It's me. MARKL: - Gilmário.
- Look at him cleaning the floor. GILMÁRIO: - That fish brings bad luck.
PEDRO: Looks like the "play-offs". He was rescued, that one.
GILMÁRIO: - They don't mess with me. MARKL: - No.
Go!
MARKL: A somersault.
We eliminated Gilmário. An applause for Gilmário Vemba.
PEDRO: You've already won.
GILMÁRIO: - Gabriela has already won. - I already won!
But for entertainment purposes we're going to play more.
Don't forget that we also play for the entire season.
Pedro, winning five points now, are five important points.
Pedro, it's your turn. Final round.
# RHYTHMIC INSTRUMENTAL THEME
Five seconds.
VASCO: Well.
MARKL: Will Gabriela win the five points?
PEDRO: - I got him from the side. - So nervous.
VASCO: No.
GABRIELA: - But I won. - I was the one who won.
I won a challenge.
GILMÁRIO: I knew she was going to win indirectly.
VASCO: That's five points for Pedro Alves.
MARKL: - Hooray! - I won a challenge.
However, the winner of this episode of "Taskmaster" is Gabriela Barros.
APPLAUSE
You're going to celebrate already. But first, what did we learn today?
We learned the following... You may like Ruca,
you may like Noddy,
but friend, true friend, is the one who says "pamodi" to you.
Arrange a dinner with him. Order a chicken.
Vandalize a xylophone, throw an orangutan.
Do crazy things,
but it will be worrying if by chance you fill a baby with sealant.
Go to the disco and rock the dance floor.
And say goodbye to "Pamodi", saying...
Go, Fish. Safe travels home.
This was "Taskmaster". See you next week!
# TASKMASTER THEME APPLAUSE
# (...)
Adaptation and Subtitles RTP - Adapted Contents