# TASKMASTER THEME
MARKL:- Where are you going? PEDRO:- I came looking for the motorbike.
Sometimes I hate you.
I understand your drama and that's what makes this good television.
# TASKMASTER THEME
Yes!
GABRIELA SHOUTS
SHOUTS EDUARDO SHOUTS WITH JOY
Everything's stuck!
APPLAUSE
(...)
Let off the fireworks, pop the champagne,
let people strip and run naked through the city streets,
shouting with joy. "Taskmaster" has begun!
APPLAUSE
VASCO: Everyone naked running around out there!
Calm down.
Next to me, make some noise for Nuno Markl!
APPLAUSE
- Thank you. AUDIENCE:- Markl!
Make some noise for our Pipoca, Ana Garcia Martins.
AUDIENCE: Pipoca!
Next to Pipoca, Gilmário Vemba!
AUDIENCE: Gilmário!
Next, Gabriela Barros!
APPLAUSE
Next to Gabriela, Pedro Alves!
APPLAUSE
VASCO: And our guest tonight...
We've wanted him in that chair for a long time, Eduardo Madeira!
APPLAUSE
AUDIENCE: Madeira!
Good evening everyone. Hello, Eduardo Madeira.
- Hello. VASCO:- How are you?
I'm great. I'm wonderful.
Do you remember what you did in the tasks or not really?
- I'm very absent-minded. VASCO:- No!
I don't know if you've noticed. I forget things.
It's very likely that I'll be surprised.
Eduardo Madeira is our guest. Let's have a round of applause! Welcome.
APPLAUSE
Every episode, my parade of personal whims
starts with a request for the individuals in front of me
to rummage through their homes and their own lives
in search of something that will help us get to know better
who these fascinating personalities are.
This week, what did we ask these five individuals to do?
This week we asked them to bring to this forum...
VASCO: - Is this a forum? MARKL: - This is a forum.
The best thing to always carry in your pocket.
VASCO: Ana, what's the best thing to always carry in your pocket?
I brought something that I think is very versatile.
It can save us in many situations.
It's the Messiah of modern times. Production, image.
VASCO: - What is that? - They're cockroaches.
ANA: Imagine. You go to a very expensive restaurant, great food,
an incredible meal, but the bill comes and it's 870 euros for lobster rice.
You think it's too much. What do you do? Cockroach into the dish.
"Waiter, there's a cockroach in this. I'm obviously not paying."
I'm an "influencer" and I'll immediately make a scene on Instagram.
Right there... Done.
I'm on public transport... Well, not me, more you guys.
There's no room. What do you do? A cockroach released into the crowd.
Everyone disappears and you sit down.
You need to win five points on "Taskmaster". What do you do?
You bring a cockroach. As you can see, it's useful for a lot of things.
I advise everyone to always carry a cockroach in their pocket.
VASCO: - You carry cockroaches? - Always.
APPLAUSE
Yes, sir. Gilmário, what did you bring?
My dear Master, I brought something that, during my childhood,
I saw the elders use
and when it came time for me to be older, they cut it off.
Pass them there. It's the famous pocket square.
I think it does very well.
Even when it came back with snot to my pocket, it was great.
MARKL: Yes, you carried your own snot.
It was sensual. Imagine there was a lady crying next to you,
you'd take out the handkerchief and say: "Come here. Don't cry anymore."
- It was great. But now... - With snot?
So? This was...
APPLAUSE GILMÁRIO BLOWS HIS NOSE
- Now I cry. - No.
You'd cry and wipe with the same snot.
Thank you, Gilmário, for bringing the handkerchief.
Gabriela Barros.
I brought something that always comes in handy in any situation,
at any age, in any phase of life.
Words won't be enough, more than images, let's see.
It's something that comes in very handy at any time.
You're walking down the street, you want to make a friend, here's some money.
MARKL: - Buying friends. - Buying friends.
It's not very advisable, but are you single?
Someone's walking down the street and you give them money.
- You're hungry, some money. - Did you bring the 400 euros?
I scattered the 400 euros around the audience. There's a note under the seat.
Tell me if it's not the best feeling. Better than having a cockroach.
Better than having a handkerchief and the next objects that will come.
Thank you for that.
Pedro, what did you bring?
There's a ton of crap you can carry in your pocket that comes in handy.
A toothpick, a wire stripper, a corkscrew.
Carrying all that stuff in your pocket is a pain.
- But do you have a solution? PEDRO: - I do.
This solution was given to me by a great actor.
I think he's Canadian. His name is MacGyver.
- MacGyver was amazing. VASCO: - His name was MacGyver?
No...
- I know the character too. - Don't try to take points away from me.
With an orange, he could make a machine to plow furrows,
to plant kiwis. He did incredible things.
The best thing to gather all that in your pocket is a Swiss Army knife.
MacGyver always used that. Mine is special, if you look closely.
MARKL: - It says "Quim Roscas". PEDRO: - Exactly.
It's Jota who does my other things with me.
MARKL: - He's been here before. - He gave me that.
A round of applause for Pedro. Thank you.
APPLAUSE
- What's with that face, Eduardo? - It's my 'thinking' face:
- "Good choices." - What did you bring?
I brought something that's important to me. It's not incredible.
I don't know if it'll be very well scored.
For me, it's fundamental. It's a diary where I write everything down.
Because I'm very absent-minded. To tell you how absent-minded I am,
I always write there that I offer rewards
if they find my diary, but they only call me 6 months later.
PHONE RINGING They're calling you. You lost your diary.
They're calling me. Sorry.
It's my wife. Can I answer? Hello, Joana?
I'm filming "Taskmaster". We'll talk later. Bye.
Sorry.
LAUGHTER APPLAUSE
(...)
VASCO: I swear I thought: "He arranged it.
Someone's going to call saying they lost their planner."
- You had five points on the hour. - Has this ever happened before?
VASCO: Never. An applause for Eduardo and his planner.
APPLAUSE
Let's give out points. I'll give a point for Gilmário's handkerchief.
What? I'm leaving.
You can go crying and wiping your tears with the handkerchief.
I'll give two points to Eduardo's planner.
I'll give three points to Pedro's pocketknife.
And between the money and the cockroaches, the cockroaches convinced me.
Five points for Pipoca and four points for Gabriela.
We're starting this way. Hooray for cockroaches.
We've already entered the pockets of these five subjects.
Now we're going to see these subjects enter my deep, dark pocket
and stay there on a journey
to the disturbing and dangerous world of "Taskmaster".
Nuno, where does this trip begin?
With the cuteness of a baby.
# CALM INSTRUMENTAL THEME
#
EDUARDO RI Fear...
MARKL: You have experience in fatherhood.
- Hi. MARKL: - Hi.
I don't want to get wet.
- The boss's letter? - Let's get to it.
"Complete all tasks..."
"Each task must be completed in a satisfactory manner."
That point is important.
"In terms of quality." I like this Portuguese.
"The baby must stay in the baby carrier during the entire task."
"Except when you have to change the diaper."
- Is this the baby carrier? - It is.
- I have five children, but I never... MARKL: - Never used that?
I've never even used the word "baby carrier". We put them in our laps.
"You have to complete all the tasks in the next few minutes."
"Win with the least amount of baby spillage."
- Well, because this is the baby. - This is a baby.
It's a boy. Such a sweet thing.
- It's... Ruben. - Do you want to give him a name?
- This is the baby? - That's the baby.
I only brought underpants.
Well, he's wearing a diaper.
- I don't want to! - Courage.
- I present to you your baby. Yes. - Are you serious?
GABRIELA RI
- What a beautiful thing. - It's heartwarming.
When I whistle, you start.
"The time starts when Markl blows his whistle."
MARKL WHISTLES APPLAUSE
In this task, they had to do a range of household chores.
Spilling as little baby as possible.
VASCO: - Who do we start with? - Let's start
with the classic family comedy with adults taking care of a child.
"Two Men and a Container," with Gilmário and Pedro.
I saw it coming.
Wash the dishes. Where are the dishes?
Go put a diaper on the baby.
Wash the dishes.
Ah!
MARKL: Watch out for the baby.
MARKL: Did you put on the old diaper or the new one?
- Did you put on the same one? - I did. It wasn't dirty.
That's how you save diapers. Do you usually wash the dishes well?
- I don't like it, but... - The baby...
I'm going to prepare the baby's milk. Wait.
- Oof. MARKL: - He's crying.
All done.
My mother is watching the program and saying:
"Do you think that's how you wash a plate?" Is she?
- Did you finish satisfactorily? GILMÁRIO: - Very much.
- Can I hold the baby? MARKL: - It's not advisable.
These clothes aren't clean enough. Whose pants are these?
So many clothes. How many people live in my house?
Everything's wet. This is no good. We could do this more slowly.
Shake the rug.
Wash the dishes, right?
It's good. It's very well washed. I do a lot of camping.
I'm used to washing dishes in cold water.
GILMÁRIO MOANS
My God, what art.
Look over there in the background. Did you see? Look over there.
MARKL: - Did you add water? - No. Do you think so?
I don't want the baby to drown.
GILMÁRIO MOANS
It's good.
- Are you using your son to wash? - No.
He's collaborating. Very well cleaned. Stop.
- Geez. MARKL: - I see the baby dripping.
It is. It's annoying.
What delicacy.
PEDRO BLOWS
Done.
MARKL: This baby is just for show. You have to change your baby's diaper.
Does he have to be in the baby carrier all the time?
MARKL: - It's a bit expensive. - Especially since the baby is weird.
MARKL: - One minute. - Done.
MARKL WHISTLES
To measure. I'll tell you. This on television...
- Is your son washing your hands? - He is.
- I still have a lot of baby here. MARKL: - Let me take a peek. Yep.
Not much is coming out. Most of it went on the floor. Thanks.
- All peed on. - Of course, like any father.
- Yes. MARKL: - Thank you.
PEDRO: I can't afford clothes on this show.
APPLAUSE
Gilmário... So delicate, this guy, isn't he?
Over there making the baby formula. Super smooth.
I'm not comfortable losing bits of baby.
I have five and I've never lost even half of one. They're all whole.
The water meant I was losing baby. I take that very seriously.
Babies are supposed to be complete.
I'd rather leave the rug dusty, but the baby whole.
I don't leave parts of the baby behind. A foot fell off when I was washing dishes.
- I put the foot back on. - You added some baby...
It was right in front of me that he added baby to his baby.
- It was disloyal. It was behind your back. - No.
The worst is when I don't understand, but here I understood.
It has to be said that when you went to measure the amount of baby,
you took into account...
MARKL:- Do you want to see quantities? - Give me some baby quantities.
A phrase never before spoken on RTP.
Gilmário finished the challenge with 2.40 liters of baby. He started with four.
Pedro, we removed 200 ml from the total, because that crime happened.
That kid's got a big foot.
He ended up with a minimal difference from Gilmário. He ended up with 2.35 l.
VASCO: 2.40 and 2.35. Very good. Almost the whole baby.
We started with fathers, but now we're going to see mothers.
Yes. Here is the maternal delicacy and affection of Ana and Gabriela.
MARKL: Be careful with that baby. Remember, it's ten minutes.
Ruben, relax.
- The milk is ready. MARKL: - Is it ready?
- Not even warm water? MARKL: - Be careful with that baby.
Sounds like the title of an 1980s comedy. "Be Careful With That Baby".
Let's hang the clothes. Let's take care of the clothes.
- What ugly clothes. MARKL: - That's a good sheet.
It is. I noticed too. Son of a... SPEECH CENSORED
MARKL: Who? How is that baby? Is he soaked?
He's soaked.
MARKL: - He's a chubby child. - He is chubby.
- Just like his father. MARKL: - Is it going well?
Very well. He's beautiful. Next.
MARKL: - Is it satisfactory? - It is.
- Can I put... What now? - Now there's less water.
"Shake the rug." Where's the rug?
- Did you say "shake the rugi"? - I hate it. I'm allergic to mites.
I don't want to shake this rug. I'm going to be full of allergies.
I'm not going to risk getting sick with mites.
MARKL: Do you put your health above entertainment?
Yes.
Ruben is getting agitated.
SPEECH CENSORED LAUGHTER
MARKL: - That agitation is mild. - Do you want to come and lend a hand?
MARKL: - No. - Then shut up.
- How many scoops does the milk need? - Seven.
- It's ready. - Is it satisfactory?
Yes, of course. Clean Taskmaster's shoes.
- The Master wears a size 43, since when? - He has a large base of support.
He wears about a 36. LAUGHTER
MARKL: With the baby?
It says here "clean the shoes". Isn't that washing?
Ready.
# COMICAL INSTRUMENTAL THEME
MARKL: - Is this your baby? - Is this him?
MARKL: That's your baby. I'm shocked you don't recognize him.
Sorry.
There we go. Who's the cute baby? Mommy's little darling.
MARKL: I thought you were going to put it on top of the used diaper.
No.
- Did you do that with your son? - Yes.
LAUGHTER
MARKL: Ruben is really leaking a lot.
- It's clean. - Can I mark it as satisfactory?
Go ahead and mark it satisfactory.
MARKL WHISTLES
Are you going to wait for Vasco to take pity on the respiratory issue?
If he wants to come see my show, yes.
Otherwise, he will be banished forever from the theater.
- From any theater in the country? - Where I am, yes.
MARKL: The moment in Ana Garcia Martins' television career
when she changed a diaper on a bucket.
If that had been the worst thing I've ever done here...
LAUGHTER APPLAUSE
Pipoca, you took great care of your baby.
I tried. I tried to treat him well, to lose as little as possible.
- You named him Ruben. ANA:- I gave him a name.
I put clothespins. I haven't seen anyone put clothespins on that clothing until now.
These are people who don't know how to do anything at home.
PEDRO: It was windy the day you did that.
When I did it, it wasn't windy. There was no need to put clothespins.
Some people didn't shake rugs. I want to see what the score will be.
She's nervous. She's already haggling for points.
ANA:- I know what a rip-off it is. VASCO:- The Taskmaster is watching.
I can't go to one of your shows if...
That woman was turned. She was in a bad mood.
You're always welcome, good thing.
LAUGHTER MARKL: Fear.
At the same time, she was sweet, but she wanted to beat me up.
You're so beautiful, you son of a bitch. Tell me about results.
Pipoca managed to stay with 2.8 liters of baby.
- Only? - Gabriela stayed with 1.4 liters.
Initially there were four. And the rug was missing.
We still need to see the task of our special guest.
This is an explosion of emotions for me.
On the one hand, I have a huge esteem for him for decades,
on the other hand, only after seeing the video of his test,
did I realize certain situations
that lead me to question my competence
and possibly even submit my resignation,
given the extreme gravity.
Some take it on the chin and others do it on the sly.
- Does he do it on the sly? - He does.
VASCO: Let's see Madeira on the sly.
Prepare the baby's milk. Prepare the milk.
- Crap. - You're dripping a lot, baby.
I am. The baby is peeing.
The idea is to have as much baby with you as possible.
The milk.
MARKL: - Is it satisfactory? - Sure. Look now.
Clean the Taskmaster's shoes.
LAUGHTER MARKL: I love the sound.
- Are these Vasco's shoes? - Exactly.
- Are you using the baby? EDUARDO: - Can't I use it?
- I think it's more or less. MARKL: - Is it satisfactory?
Change the diaper. Change the diaper on this baby?
No, change the diaper.
- How do I do this crap? MARKL: - Could that be the baby?
- It's your baby. - Change the diaper on this baby?
- Isn't it this baby? - It's a doll. What do you take me for?
LAUGHTER
"That's a doll. The water is your son."
- How am I going to do this? MARKL: - If it were a real baby,
you'd be putting the diaper outside the marsupial carrier.
- The diaper is drippy. - It's drippy, because the baby...
MARKL: - It's loose on the side. - Crap.
MARKL: - Or it won't be satisfactory. - It's not satisfactory.
- Right! MARKL: - Of course.
- This is the baby's diaper. - That's the poopy diaper.
- Is it satisfactory? - I think so.
LAUGHTER
Let's move on to another test. Hanging up the laundry.
# COMICAL INSTRUMENTAL THEME
- He's already given up. - Yeah.
It's a baby that drools and throws me...
- That's a lot of care. - Of course, so...
You weren't expecting this to go so well.
LAUGHING
- Is there still a baby in there? - There's still a baby.
You still have to wash the dishes and shake the rug.
Jeez. How are you going to measure the quantity of the...
MARKL: - The quantity of the baby? - Yes.
- We compare the various babies. - Really?
MARKL: Yes. They all have a baby. LAUGHTER
- Okay. - It was well done. I didn't notice a thing.
I can't do better, because the detergent...
Has too much foam. I can't do better than this.
- You're missing a task. Right. - Shake the rug.
MARKL LAUGHS LAUGHTER
There was a trick. I get it now.
MARKL LAUGHS I'm watching from afar and...
It seems to me you've completed everything. Your baby has foam and flour.
- My baby is a pudding. MARKL: - That's it.
- We have a reasonable amount. MARKL: - Sure.
- Thank you. I'm going to whistle. - Thank you.
MARKL WHISTLES Take your son.
APPLAUSE
Seeing this, I'm ashamed of myself. What a father...
You were walking slowly, but the water was splashing.
I forget I can't shake it and I get carried away by the impulse.
Markl asked: "Is there still baby left?"
I ask Nuno now. In the end, was there baby left?
In the end, there were 1.54 liters of baby, less than half of the total.
PEDRO: - It looked like a breaded cutlet. - Wrapped in batter.
- A breaded cutlet... GILMÁRIO: - A breaded baby.
Let's do the scoring in points.
- One point for Gabriela. GABRIELA: - I find it indecent.
Two points for Eduardo. Three points for Pedro.
Four points for Gilmário. And five points for Ana.
VASCO: Very good. Another five.
MARKL: Pipoca with ten points, followed by Pedro with six.
Tied with five, Gilmário and Gabriela.
- And Eduardo with four points. VASCO: - An applause for the five.
APPLAUSE
- Nuno, what's next for us? - Fast & Furious!
And blindfolded! CHEERING AND LAUGHTER
# CALM INSTRUMENTAL THEME
PEDRO: Couldn't you be further away?
MARKL: - A good walk. - What's it for?
- Welcome. - I want to enjoy the beach.
- Markl... - We're looking at the future.
- Magnificent vehicle. - Is that what they give out on planes?
I sense mischief. MARKL LAUGHS
GILMÁRIO: "Follow the instructions along the course."
GABRIELA: "And park this vehicle."
"You have ten minutes to prepare for the trip
during which you cannot move any of the items on the course."
"Your journey must begin where the vehicle is now."
"In addition, you must use this blindfold correctly
during the entirety of your trip."
"Win the most accurate trip. Time starts now."
- After running this over, I'll turn. - Okay.
ANA: I come driving and get here and I have to knock down the bells.
GABRIELA: "Give Bernardo a 'high five'."
It's a version of you, but in scarecrow form.
Yeah.
- With something strange in the pelvic area. - It's very splayed open.
EDUARDO: "Don't knock down the bells."
- Is it to be done blindfolded? - Right.
This will help me calculate the direction of the "parking place".
GABRIELA IMITATES CAR ENGINE
- It's to park here, right? - Yes.
- And I have to do the whole scene... - Blindfolded.
VASCO: My friends...
"Taskmaster", season 5, we already have tasks with vehicles.
This is now at the level of what is done abroad.
This looks very promising.
We're starting with two different approaches.
We are, indeed. Let's see someone who seemed to be in a hurry
and someone who seemed to be in no hurry at all.
Let's watch Gilmário and Pedro's attempts.
The slower, the better.
Nothing? Why do I have the feeling I already passed it?
Six, seven, turn.
One, two, three, four, five, six...
Ken's here somewhere. Where's the guy?
- I don't even know where I am. - Can I go back?
- You can. - It has to be with this covered.
I remember this iron. Now I just need to know where it was.
It was near a parking bay.
Where is... I'm so stupid. CENSORED SPEECH
- Could I be in the same park? - You are.
Can someone help me? I remember it was close.
I think I'm very far from the objective. I planned this so well.
Wait. I just don't know if it's this way or the other way.
You're going to hit a curb.
Three, four, turn. Wait. Where is it?
Did I run over something? Did I knock the bells down?
MARKL: - No. - I'm disoriented.
The water bottle had to be somewhere around here.
- You're on this side, aren't you? - You can move forward.
You must be close to something to make noise.
BELLS JINGLE PEDRO LAUGHS
Take that! First!
They must be having a blast.
MARKL: I never thought this would be so funny to watch.
GILMÁRIO: It's torture. I don't know where I'm going, or who I am.
MARKL: You'll find something.
Three, four, five... Where's the guy?
- Is that him? - It is.
MARKL: - I feel you're far away. - Where, in the park?
Yes, we're in the park.
Where do I have to be or in some other park?
One, two, three, four, five. Don't hit the bells.
Then, turn diagonally. Right.
MARKL: Does this sound familiar? BELLS JINGLING
- Yes. - Very good.
If the tree is there, it's because this is the one that doesn't fall.
I'll see if I can find the bay. It should be around here.
I can't be too far from the figure. I've walked a lot.
It would be amazing if you could give Bernardo a high five.
- I have to go over there. MARKL: - Where are you going?
I came looking for the motorbike. Where is it?
I feel Bernardo's presence. He's somewhere here.
Now...
I can't believe I'm going to lose the motorbike.
LAUGHTER
- Wait. It must be over there. - He lost the car.
- I'm hearing bells. MARKL: - It was the wind.
What is this? Is it a camera?
BELLS JINGLING The camera was next to the objects.
I just wanted to find something, a point of reference.
Pino, thank you.
Here. Is there something ahead here? There's nothing.
The entrance is that way.
Am I getting close? I am! Motorbike! Easy!
- Where could that be? - I don't know where I am.
I don't know if I'm leaving the park, or if I'm still inside the park.
- Markl, why are you far away? - I'm where I need to be.
You're close now.
- I'm done. I am. - Are you happy?
MARKL WHISTLES Okay.
- I hope you enjoyed it. - I did.
Go rest. Go hydrate. Go sleep.
APPLAUSE
(...)
I'm going to talk to Spider-Man now.
Gilmário, you had everything well thought out. What happened?
My vision went.
I've never seen a person get so disoriented instantly.
- As soon as he put on the blindfold? - I put on a blindfold, and life was over.
North, south, east, west, everything disappears for you.
- You parked in the right spot. - After how many hours?
You'll find out soon. You'll understand why I had to help him.
We had more to do.
As for Pedro Alves... I knew that many would have difficulties.
But I didn't expect you to lose the motorbike.
- You lost the motorbike. - It must have been an hour.
VASCO: - An hour? - That I wandered around.
Let's clarify. Pedro did it in 13 minutes and 50 seconds.
ANA: - What? VASCO: - Thirteen minutes and 50.
APPLAUSE
It felt like an hour.
VASCO: - And Gilmário? - 47 minutes and three seconds.
I had no sense of time.
Give me more adventures on this scorching asphalt.
Let's see Pipoca and Eduardo, a collective I call Pipardo.
MARKL BLOWS WHISTLE Let's go.
MARKL LAUGHS LAUGHTER
- Can I turn? - It's up to you.
# CALM INSTRUMENTAL THEME
That's amazing!
#
JINGLING BELLS
LAUGHTER
- I was counting seconds. - Where is that going?
# CALM INSTRUMENTAL THEME
#
I think I'm on the opposite side now. Can you make some noise with the jingle bells?
- Not yet, it's too early. - So?
- I wonder if stopped... - I'm getting a cramp.
- The old lady can't take it anymore. - That's why you're in that old banger.
JINGLING BELLS Balls!
# CALM INSTRUMENTAL THEME
That was an incredibly delicate takedown.
#
MARKL LAUGHS EDUARDO LAUGHS
ANA:- Markl? - Yes?
One, two...
Wait. I touched him. High five.
# CALM INSTRUMENTAL THEME
#
GABRIELA:- Eduardo! - Very good.
MARKL: What a terror.
14, 15...
16...
# CALM INSTRUMENTAL THEME
Eduardo, I'm fascinated.
#
- Are you happy? - I should be...
I've already lost track of the seconds. It was 10 to the parking lot.
MARKL LAUGHS I've never seen anything like it.
EDUARDO LAUGHS
(...)
- Am I parked okay? MARKL: - Only you can answer that.
- What's happening? - I'm seeing if I'm in tune with things.
You know this could last forever, don't you?
It could. That's what we're here for. But am I close?
Is coming from where I came from good or bad?
Everything you need to know is in your heart.
It's in your feeling. It's in the sounds, the smells, in life.
- Were you counting? - I was.
There were eight beats there, twelve... And I lost myself here, but it was lucky.
- Now I hit it. It's the tape, right? MARKL: - What genuine happiness.
- It was a pleasure. It was impressive. - I really enjoyed it. Thank you.
Now I don't know if the other bay is over here or over there.
I understand the drama, and that's what makes it good television.
Help me. No! I don't want to let go of it.
ANA GEME OF RAGE
That was really fast.
- It's here. It's here. Give it to him. MARKL: - Shall we?
Let's go. MARKL WHISTLES
ANA SHOUTS I've never seen you so happy.
- Victory dance! - Magnificent.
- But is that really it? Isn't it? - It is.
- Is it over? - It's over.
- Is it time to go? MARKL: - It is.
APPLAUSE
VASCO: - A happy Pipoca.
MARKL: - She was super happy. - Happy Pipoca. - Yes, but very cynical.
This program brings out the worst in me. It wasn't good to begin with.
I never know if it's really over. I'm always suspicious.
- That's not good. - Do you have any idea of the time?
- I must have done half an hour. - You did 22 minutes and 5 seconds.
- Alright. VASCO: - Very good.
APPLAUSE
I was impressed with Eduardo's test.
- He turned right on the line. GABRIELA: - Incredible.
Right on the line that was in the parking lot.
MARKL: Super focused. I noticed he was counting scenes in his head.
- Do you usually drive like that? - It was easier until the first one.
There were eight beats. I counted 8 beats, at that speed.
The part where I got lost is what screwed me up.
I forgot at the end how many beats there were until...
- Stop pretending this is easy. - But I got lucky.
I don't know if you're ready for Eduardo's time.
- It was eight minutes. GILMÁRIO: - 45 seconds.
- How much did you do? - I have no idea.
He finished in one minute and 36 seconds.
APPLAUSE LAUGHTER
Now I understand why you kept looking at me
when I got to the van.
What do you know about your test that we haven't seen yet?
It's better to see first what I did, and then I'll tell you.
What was just "go blindfolded, in this cart,
do some things along the way and park over there"
turned into an epic, drama, comedy and even terror.
- Everything! It has everything! GABRIELA: - It was very difficult.
- Am I going? - You are.
GABRIELA IMITATES CAR ENGINE
There's nothing there.
GABRIELA SCREAMS
GABRIELA IMITATES CAR ENGINE
BELLS JINGLE GABRIELA SCREAMS
LAUGHTER
Give me five. This is big for ramming. I'm scared.
GABRIELA IMITATES CAR ENGINE
(...)
- Markl! MARKL: - Yes?
- Am I going around you? - You are.
GABRIELA SCREAMS AMUSED MARKL LAUGHS
GABRIELA SCREAMS
- Was that Bernardo? MARKL: - Yes.
- It's a severed foot. - It creeps me out. They scare me.
He's available for your "high 5".
How awful. Where is he?
GABRIELA SCREAMS
It was a bench. Are you afraid of benches?
I'm afraid of things that look like dead people.
I'm going to give you a hug. It's me, I'm alive.
You're alive. Bernardo! GABRIELA SCREAMS
- Markl! - It's me. I'm alive.
Let me touch him while I touch you.
Deal. GABRIELA SCREAMS
LAUGHTER
MARKL: Okay. GABRIELA SCREAMS
What despair.
- Is that you! - Did you address the motorbike informally?
GABRIELA SCREAMS
- Am I taking him behind? - What do you mean?
- Am I decapitating him? MARKL: - No.
I'm seeing the leaves on the trees. The leaves are right there.
I feel like I'm close. Did I win?
There are people... GABRIELA SCREAMS
Worthy.
MARKL: - Where are we going? GABRIELA: - You tell me.
We're almost at the Fertagus. Let's do this.
- Catch the boat. - At least, we'll go together.
Sure. GABRIELA SCREAMS
Did I arrive? No. The parking lot is back there.
- Is it? - Here's the Kizomba Festival.
I'm not hearing the leaves anymore.
I feel like this sound is chasing us.
MARKL: - It's everywhere. - But already...
The leaves, right?
Are you getting out of the car?
GABRIELA SCREAMS Just as I expected.
Watch out for me.
GABRIELA SCREAMS
Am I in a place where I can keep walking or not?
MARKL: There she goes.
# ENERGETIC THEME MARKL LAUGHS
#
MARKL LAUGHS
- Are you listening? - I am. Quite a commotion.
- Am I feeling any... - Any disappointment?
No. On the contrary. You seemed determined to move forward.
Look, good technique.
I didn't even know where I was.
- Look now. Right. - There's nothing. Is it all back there?
Markl, it's all back there.
But we have a clue, Markl!
We have a clue!
GABRIELA: - Markl! MARKL: - Yes!
GABRIELA: - Where are you? MARKL: - I'm here!
- Markl! - I'm here.
- Did I make it? What am I dragging? - It's not Bernardo.
GABRIELA SCREAMS I made it!
LAUGHTER
I won!
LAUGHTER APPLAUSE
- How did this end up here? MARKL: - You dragged it. Incredible.
- There. It's done. - Thank you.
APPLAUSE
(...)
Your phobia of mannequins is very accurate.
- It gives me despair. - Blindfolded, it's more intense.
Yes, because it's a dead person. It's an inanimate person.
- But it's cold. - It's a doll. It's PVC.
She got scared of the tape, the mannequin, the glass.
Even the motorbike, you, the cameraman.
There comes a point where everything is Bernardo.
GABRIELA GEME It's everything.
Can we figure out where Gabriela went?
We have a map here. I'll try to narrate it in real time.
Gabriela starts, she throws the bell on that side.
She starts walking around, even around me.
Then, she goes back. She faces Bernardo.
Knocks Bernardo down, goes to that side.
Declares victory there, no one understands why.
Goes back.
Does a dance to the sound of Kizomba that was being rehearsed.
Goes to Fertagus where I thought she was going to catch a ferry.
Goes back. Then, she arrives at that place.
Thinks that the solution is actually at Fertagus.
Then, gives up and goes back to the parking spot.
- And stays next to it. ANA: - And stays next to it.
GABRIELA: - It wasn't next to it. PEDRO: - It was very close.
I want to explain what I was going to say earlier.
He stayed all this time waiting inside the van.
MARKL: - He did. Super patient. - When I came back,
his eyes were like this because he had slept...
I spent four hours inside the van waiting for her.
She went to the highway. She went to the Algarve.
She was saying: "Why did you scream? Was it the same test I did?
Why were there screams?"
Want to know the time? It was 40 minutes and 14 seconds.
GILMÁRIO:Less time than me.
- Less than you. MARKL:- Of pure madness.
- Wow. - Gilmário took longer.
- He took 47. VASCO:- In terms of points...
- One point for Gilmário. - Very good.
MARKL:Two points for Gabriela. Three points for Pipoca.
Four points for Pedro and five points for Eduardo.
VASCO:Very good. Congratulations, Eduardo. Incredible.
- At this point... MARKL:- Eduardo is on the rise.
In the lead is Ana with 13 points. Then Pedro with ten.
Eduardo moved to the middle with nine.
Gabriela with seven and Gilmário with six points.
VASCO:- Very good. PEDRO:- It's going well.
- There's still hope, Gabi. GABRIELA:- It's very difficult.
Let's move on to the next mission. Where are we going?
We've had a considerable number of balls in this program before,
but this time, we've blown the scale.
And we're going to break the players in the next challenge. Let's do it.
# SUSPENSE INSTRUMENTAL THEME
KNOCKING AT THE GATE MARKL:Come in.
- Hello, my Wish George Clooney. - Okay. I'll take it.
You need someone to complete a task.
- Nice setup. - A cockfight?
GILMÁRIO LAUGHS AMUSEDLY Good one.
Wow...
- There aren't any anacondas in there, are there? - Three.
- I'm the one going in, right? MARKL:- Yes.
Pipi...
- It was my pee-pee. It was hurting. - I understood.
It wasn't the sound that trucks make when they're backing up.
GILMÁRIO:- Can I read here? MARKL:- You can.
"Remove all the..."
"Remove all the balls from the box."
Can I use tools to take them out or do I have to be in here?
You can do whatever you want.
- It only ends when you remove them all? MARKL:- Yes.
MARKL:- I think I'll sit down. - "The fastest wins."
"The time started when you passed the gate to the 'saloon'." Crap.
You're kidding me.
GILMÁRIO SHOUTS APPLAUSE
VASCO: Get the balls out of the box.
Sometimes, life doesn't need to be complex.
- I found this liberating. - Who shall we see first?
Let's start with our guest, Eduardo.
The question is: "We've been doing this for 5 seasons.
"In these episodes, will we have seen anyone work as hard
as this dear man who is here?"
This is a moving odyssey.
- Where do I send the balls? - Wherever you want.
I can send them over there.
The only good thing is thinking that someone will have to clean this up.
LAUGHTER
So... It's almost done. Such a pleasant thing.
# ENERGETIC INSTRUMENTAL THEME
#
MARKL: - We're almost there. - We are. Almost there.
# ENERGETIC INSTRUMENTAL THEME
#
Amazing. A drop of sweat just dripped from your nose.
- Really? - Yes.
They called me aside and asked me to deliver this.
I don't want it. I'm not accepting mail.
LAUGHTER
MARKL: - Read it out loud. - You guys are hilarious.
MARKL: See what it is.
"There was an unforeseen event. Put the balls back in the box.
"The least slow one wins. There may be an extra point
for whoever puts the last ball in the most spectacular way."
# COMICAL INSTRUMENTAL THEME
#
Isn't there another envelope saying: "Just kidding after all." ?
MARKL:No.
# COMICAL INSTRUMENTAL THEME
I'm sweating buckets.
Do you remember your words at the beginning of the task?
"I'm glad I'm not the one who's going to tidy them up."
- Right. - Right.
- It's been worse. - Yeah.
And there he goes again.
MARKL:- I feel like helping. - I believe you.
Do you think it would cheer you up if I went inside the box?
It's true, it cheers me up.
I feel like there's someone else suffering.
MARKL:My God.
If I could come back tomorrow, I would come back and finish the job.
- It would be good for everyone. - There aren't any left on this side.
They must be saying: "Damn, this guy... Go on, go."
Right.
The drum.
MARKL APPLAUDS
MARKL:Now you're going to take a bubble bath.
EDUARDO:I'm going to take a real bath.
See you later.
MARKL:There he goes.
- Very pleasant. Thank you. - Very good. I enjoyed it very much.
APPLAUSE
- The man who gives everything. MARKL:- What a pity.
The man who was there, took the balls out and put them back in.
MARKL:- What a pity. VASCO:- What was it?
What a pity Eduardo didn't find the bonus ball.
Bonus ball? You want to talk about that bonus ball
whose existence you omitted to the contestants, my adorable rascal?
It was a ball that wasn't inside the box.
It was a ball hidden in a hole,
but not so hidden that it couldn't be discovered
by attentive eyes. It had written: "Bonus, worth all the balls."
Are you saying there was a ball hidden in the set
inside the wagon wheel that avoided, by finding the ball,
having the work of putting the balls back in the box?
Yes, Vasco. The question that arises,
that forms in the minds of the viewers is:
"Did any of them notice that ball?"
Let's see Gabriela and Gilmário in a television moment
that in itself justifies that day in March 1980
when RTP started its color broadcasts.
It was to get here. What a magnificent explosion of color.
"Time began when you passed through the gate."
# CALM INSTRUMENTAL THEME
(IN ENGLISH) Make it rain!
#
Much further to go?
Bastard.
Is there a faster way? Could there be?
#
What project is this?
# CALM INSTRUMENTAL THEME SCREAM
Are they falling behind? I won!
#
You sons of bitches! I won!
Looks like there's been a problem.
Give me that shit.
"There was an unforeseen event."
"Put all the balls back inside the box."
"Beat the least slow.
"There may be a bonus point
for whoever places the last ball in the most spectacular way."
It's starting to get physically impossible.
Can we stop now?
No.
What a drag.
- Now, yes. - You have to watch carefully.
Some must be stuck in awkward places.
MARKL:- It's still going to take a while. - Yes.
Taking them off was more fun.
- This tidying up... is no good. - Tidying up is awful.
# ENERGETIC INSTRUMENTAL THEME
MARKL:My God. Is there much left?
Yes.
I'm all sweaty. Full of mosquitoes.
GILMÁRIO SINGS IN CREOLE
Do you want to come help, you guys? Go on! Get out!
GILMÁRIO SINGS IN CREOLE
(...)
MARKL:- Go for it! GABRIELA:- How did I not think of that?
What if someone turns on the TV now, out of context...
- It's strange. - And sees a white man sitting...
It feels like we're back in the colonial era.
And there I am working on a farm and singing this song
with that characteristic lament. - Right.
GILMÁRIO SINGS IN CREOLE LAUGHTER
See if there are any balls...
- See if there are any anywhere. - Good point.
Now, there's an extra point for whoever scores the last one...
- I don't think so. This one here. MARKL: - There's something written on it.
What does it say?
It says you're a piece of shit.
Keep this one. And here goes Gilmário Vemba.
He's in the area, controls it. It's the bicycle kick.
It says you're a big piece of shit.
Anyway, I want my extra point.
Second attempt.
Gilmário Vemba and...
One, two and... three.
And...
GILMÁRIO: - Goal! MARKL: - Bravo.
GABRIELA: It wasn't moving.
It's even more frustrating, isn't it?
Madeira didn't see the ball. You saw it at the worst possible time.
I didn't remember that I had seen the ball.
I was saying I hadn't seen it. "Fools! I didn't find it."
VASCO: The little ball was there.
I have times. A while ago we didn't say Eduardo's time.
- That's right. - Let's add it now.
Eduardo completed the first task in 13 minutes and 3 seconds.
And he completed the second in 44 minutes and 33 seconds.
Gilmário completed the first task in two minutes and 29.
It was a dispatch of balls.
And he completed the second task in 18 minutes and 24 seconds.
VASCO:- Well. - Calm down. There are still many people left.
Gabriela completed the first task in 7 minutes and 37 seconds.
And the second task in 24 minutes and 46 seconds.
VASCO:- Right. GILMÁRIO:- Good time.
Markl, then you do the math so we can award the points.
Ana Garcia Martins is missing and also Pedro's test.
MARKL: Exactly, Vasco.
We have at least one of them reveling
in the wonder that is messing up, knowing that someone other than him
will have the job of tidying everything up. Isn't it?
VASCO:- Just that no. MARKL:- Right. They didn't know.
I was able...
...to try and dismantle this.
Tell me things about your life so I can laugh.
MARKL: Nothing. My life is basically this.
This is tiring, Markl.
At the same time it's fun. Liberating.
I leave here, go home, eat, sleep.
And repeat the next day.
I already figured it would be leaning towards uninteresting.
# ENERGETIC INSTRUMENTAL THEME
What was your childhood like? Was it a good childhood?
MARKL: - It was alright. ANA: - Alright.
# ENERGETIC INSTRUMENTAL THEME
- Pedro... No, Pedro. - Pedro, no.
- I always wanted to do this. - It's done, you can look.
They sent something.
LAUGHTER
- It's emptied. - The administration sent a fax.
Look! Forget it! I'm not going to do it.
PANTING
"There was an unforeseen event."
"Put all the balls back inside the box."
I'm not available. I have an appointment now.
CENSORED SPEECH
MARKL: There's a way to do this in a second.
I'm not exactly known for my intelligence either.
No one is expecting me to suddenly...
"What a stroke of genius. So enlightened."
There are balls that get into places... Tricky.
People are more expecting me to just go live my life.
- Are there some in difficult places? - There are several.
ANA: Let me see.
You're insisting on that, I don't know why,
but they're around there in tricky spots, but...
ANA: I want to see who pays for cleaning the sneakers.
PEDRO: I'll take care of these.
"Worth all the balls." What does that mean?
- Okay. ANA: - This is the last one.
- This one is worth all the balls. - I was expecting more euphoria.
No. I'm already in such a state...
MARKL: Can you just simulate a little euphoria for the cameras?
Alright.
PEDRO: I must be making such a fool of myself
that when I see this in the studio I'll want to disappear.
How do I put this in a spectacular way?
# CALM INSTRUMENTAL THEME
#
What a spectacle. It really looks like real basketball.
Okay.
When this program ends people will find it strange
that I'm much thinner. Much thinner.
The exercise I do for here.
- Convinced you? MARKL: - Yes.
I'll see if there are any more hidden somewhere.
- No. MARKL: - They get into every place.
You're irritating me. They get into every place.
I don't know. There isn't one here.
# CALM INSTRUMENTAL THEME
#
MARKL: Seems to have something written.
- Do you want to read it aloud? - No.
No, you know why?
LAUGHTER
I'm going to tell you something.
Since I put all the balls in there, I don't want this one.
- Is this the one you'll want? - You're going to put that one in.
I'm watching you.
- I'm still watching you. MARKL: - Right.
- And this one is worth all of them. - Worth all of them.
Sometimes I hate you.
Sometimes I feel like hurting you.
APPLAUSE
Pedro, during the challenge you said:
"I'll watch this back in the studio and actually say that I'm..."
Stupid, and that I feel like disappearing. Guys, bye.
- Bye. - Come back, Pedro.
- Come on! - Stay a little longer.
PEDRO: - Do you really want me to? - Yes.
- Do you really want to? - Yes.
What a great gym class that was.
VASCO: - Shall we get to the results? - Let's get to their results.
Pedro completed the first task in five minutes and two seconds.
And the second task in 54 minutes and 11 seconds.
Almost an hour.
VASCO: What about Pipoca?
She completed the first task in 17 minutes and six seconds.
And the second task, in the depths of despair,
ended up completing it in exactly five minutes.
VASCO: Very good. Blue ball.
Let's put the two together.
But there's still the matter of the extra point. For the most spectacular final ball.
- Alright. Go on, points. - Let's get to it then.
With nine points, five plus four, Gilmário.
With six points, three plus three, Gabriela.
Also with six points, one plus five, Pipoca.
With five points, four plus one, Pedro.
And with four points, two plus two, Eduardo.
VASCO: With so many points in this challenge, two in one, how does it stand?
MARKL: Pipoca remains in the lead with 19.
Then, tied with 15, Gilmário and Pedro.
And tied with 13, Gabriela and Eduardo.
VASCO: - This is good. MARKL: - It's exciting.
Let's move on to the next task. What are people going to see?
Crime, that's what they'll see.
# CALM INSTRUMENTAL THEME
#
MARKL: Here we are. Mystery.
- There's a beautiful diplomat. - A briefcase.
PEDRO: We're supposed to open this, right?
This hour...
# SUSPENSE INSTRUMENTAL THEME
Is there anything else?
MARKL: That means seeing all the bags.
For now, Tânia Ribas de Oliveira, don't talk to me like that.
She's 1.75 m tall.
- Are you less than 1.75 m? - I am.
"Commit a crime."
My... Is this really to be said here like this, in front of the cameras?
"You can't break the law."
It's going to be complicated. The idea of crime is breaking the law.
"You have ten minutes to plan your crime."
"And then ten minutes to commit it."
"The best crime wins. Time starts now."
How do I commit a crime without breaking the law?
This not being able to kill thing doesn't help.
- Want to talk? - No, I was waiting for your crime.
There's a lot I think is a crime...
MARKL: For example.
I'm being quite discreet.
Alright, it's planned. I don't need more time.
MARKL BEEPS
The reflection phase is over. Any crime?
I'll be right back. I'm going to commit a crime.
We asked these exemplary citizens to commit a crime.
But it was important that it wasn't a crime punishable by law.
A clause that shows how much we care about them.
Not them, us. Then we'd have to go to court.
Who's the first to embrace a life of crime?
MARKL: Gilmário Vemba.
So...
- Shall we toast to your crime? - Yes, a crime well done.
After a good crime, people toast.
Because the criminal sees their crime committed
and then gets away scot-free, without any trouble with the law,
everyone wins.
- You chose a good wine. - I chose a good wine.
CORK POPS MARKL: Right.
I love that sound. Let's toast, Markl.
I don't know if this is the best time to drink wine, in the morning.
This is the first crime. At coffee time, we'll drink wine.
That's it.
There you go.
- Stand up, please. - Alright.
- A proper toast. - Yes.
- Do exactly as I do. - I will.
- Exactly. MARKL: - Right.
- Up you go! - Up you go.
- Down you go. - Down you go.
- To the center. MARKL: - To the center.
And take it. You have to do it, Markl.
- Exactly. - My God.
This wine was still expensive.
# FUN INSTRUMENTAL THEME
#
Oh my God.
#
I'm understanding.
That was still expensive.
GILMÁRIO: - It could cost me... - Nobody drank it.
The residence.
If I leave this country today after these images leak...
- Yes. - I'm not coming back.
MARKL: Right. It was a crime, Gilmário.
JUSTO: Stop! Kneel!
- Kneel! - Me?
Yes. Everything's locked up. Let's go!
I said it was a crime. Am I the only one taking the fall?
Why does he have a cap saying 'driver'?
GILMÁRIO: He committed it too. Isn't he going?
JUSTO: - No. - Driver.
EVIL LAUGH
APPLAUSE LAUGHTER
He was the most policeman-like possible.
Was he a policeman or was it Justo with a hat saying 'driver'?
It was Justo with a hat that looked like it was taken from Noddy.
LAUGHTER
You already know Portugal well enough
to understand that wasting wine is a crime.
Wine here is so important that it's part of the food basket.
- Of course. - I apologize to the people.
I was forced. I was forced.
Markl, who is the next member of this gang of bandits
who is going to show the whole of Portugal a crime?
Pedro Alves, a killing machine on the road.
# ENERGETIC INSTRUMENTAL THEME
MARKL:- Are we going to commit a crime? - You're going to commit a crime with me.
I don't have my hands on the wheel. I'm an accomplice.
You can have your hand, you can not have it, but I'm going to commit a crime.
He ran over a pedestrian.
PEDRO: He's over there. Let's commit a crime.
Let's commit the crime. There he is. Take that!
MARKL: What did we hit? Who was it? What happened?
We ran over a pedestrian in a crosswalk.
# INTENSE INSTRUMENTAL THEME
#
Well thought out.
- What was your crime? - Running over a pedestrian in the crosswalk.
And a good running over at that. His beak even popped out.
- It was a serious beating. - The police didn't even show up here.
- Not even the person next to us noticed. - Very good evidence.
A round of applause for Pedro Alves and his pedestrian murder.
APPLAUSE
Nuno, who's next?
Next is that vandal called Gabriela Barros.
LAUGHTER
DRUM ROLL
- It's Fernando Mendes. - Yes.
MARKL: Do you think he should be presenting this?
- It's a crime that he isn't. - Yes.
I don't know if Vasco will like to hear that.
He'll like it, because I'll have done the task well.
- Well, that's it. - I did what I was told.
If he feels hurt, it's a sign that it went well.
- That's it. - Sure.
This is a seed I'm planting here.
Vasco is presenting everything on RTP.
- That attack is yours, not mine. - More shows, fewer shows...
- You're the one saying that, not me. - I'm just waiting for you to confirm.
It seems right to me what you're saying.
Although it wasn't me to launch that vile idea.
You replaced all the pictures of Vasco with Fernando Mendes.
- Yes, there are no more photos... - A rigorous and faithful caricature.
- He even has the suspenders. - Yes, so there are no mistakes.
- And he's the Taskmaster. MARKL: - Taskmaster crown.
- And "xpetáculo". - Okay, that's it.
- Very good. - I hope it's criminal.
MARKL: Right. Thanks. There's one over there, too.
- Where? MARKL:- Over there.
Yes, sir.
They're all gone.
- You're homeless now. VASCO:- Is that Mendes' mansion?
Fernando Mendes is there with his suspenders.
"Xpetáculo". Why Mendes and not someone else?
Because he works at RTP. I wasn't going to offend anyone.
VASCO: Thanks for that.
And he's a symbol, as you are, Vasco.
EDUARDO:- How cute. - Very good.
It was a crime, but a cute crime. I really like Mendes.
- Mendes is amazing. - No, it's a vile crime.
What cute crime? Didn't I offend you?
Look... End of the day, I was hungry, tired...
- And she didn't have a sty. ANA:- But she had a baby.
Who's the next monster in this gallery of villains?
The next monster is Eduardo, particularly cruel, I must say.
# MELANCHOLY INSTRUMENTAL THEME
Happy birthday to you on this special day,
May you have much happiness and many years of life.
Today is a day of celebration, our souls are singing,
For the girl Sara, a round of applause.
CHEERS OF JOY
The cake... You have to bite it for good luck.
That's it, behind the table. And now...
LAUGHTER
(...)
That's life. Congratulations.
Next year will be better. I won't be here, so...
Next year the party will be better.
Congratulations. Mr. Markl, doesn't it occur to you to say anything?
MARKL: No. I'm just in shock. I was the one who got hit the most.
I don't know why, I was...
I was the one who got hit the most.
EDUARDO: The people in the back got nothing.
I got hit with everything.
EDUARDO: It was just for you and me. Incredible. How do I do this?
- Very good. - Let's get on with our lives.
Let's go. Thank you.
APPLAUSE
MARKL: I attract these things.
Most of it had to come to me.
Portugal needs to know
why Eduardo isn't invited to his daughter's birthday party.
I thought: "Poor kid. I'll have to make it up to her later."
It's a crime to do that to a child.
So I picked a flower to give to the child.
VASCO: It was a pretty flower. It was alive.
It was. It was worse than the cake.
It looked like a collateral victim of Pedro's, of the hit-and-run.
The girl got something that no other girl sees,
at a birthday party. A Dalmatian with glasses.
LAUGHTER
PEDRO: - That was very good. - A Dalmatian with glasses.
I was so relaxed.
I thought the laws of Physics
prevented most of the cake from coming to me.
I don't know how I achieved that effect.
Did it cost you to commit this crime?
VASCO: Thank you, Eduardo. Let's move on then... to the remaining test.
Yes, Pipoca is missing.
The most criminal and whispering Popcorn.
# SINISTER INSTRUMENTAL THEME
#
# ENERGETIC INSTRUMENTAL THEME
My God.
- Do you want to say what's... - It's a crime. Shh!
That's being torn into very small pieces.
It's the amount of rage that I have.
Besides, this is one of those ASMR videos...
- Right. ANA:- Wait.
It's really supposed to be a crime, because these videos are a crime.
DRUMMING
Super annoying.
MAKES TONGUE CLICKS
What a big crime is being committed here.
She tore up the "Taskmaster" task.
Criminal!
PAPER SLIDES
MAKES TONGUE CLICKS CRUMPLES SHEET OF PAPER
- The crime is committed. MARKL:- Okay.
APPLAUSE
It's what I listen to now to fall asleep, it's the sound of this task.
- This crime was... ANA:- It was a two-in-one.
It was tearing up the master's proof in the most annoying way possible.
MAKES CLICKING SOUNDS WITH TONGUE
- The nails, it's very distressing. - We had five crimes here.
I will rank the crimes.
The one that for me is the best crime, five points, Pedro.
- Very good with the murdered pawn. - I thought it was for him.
Yours is really... Thank you.
I'm going to give Eduardo Madeira four points for the party he ruins.
PEDRO:- He's the greatest. - For the party.
Sara, isn't it? A kiss for Sara.
Now, Gabriela, Gilmário and Pipoca.
I'm going to give Gabriela one point.
There are no photos of you in your house. Don't you find that sad?
I'm going to give Gabriela Barros one point, two points to Gilmário Vemba
and I give three points to Pipoca Mais Doce for her ASMR crime.
APPLAUSE
MARKL: Right now, Popcorn is still in the lead with 22.
Followed by Pedro with 20.
Tied with 17, Gilmário and Eduardo.
- And Gabriela with 14. - Let's give them all a round of applause.
It's cool being there. I'm usually there, it's cool.
What did I even come here for?
Gabriela, watch out, this isn't over yet.
Next task, Nuno, what is it?
Perhaps the most obvious task ever, Vasco. Let's do this.
# CALM INSTRUMENTAL THEME
(ENGLISH) Hello, my lord.
TRAUTEIA
SIGHS
It even has a camera. This balloon is going to burst.
I'm starting to get scared of these things.
"Pop the balloon from the greatest distance possible."
"You can't look at the balloon when you pop the balloon."
"You have 15 minutes."
MARKL: You didn't say "time starts now."
GABRIELA: - "Time starts now." - 15 minutes.
- This balloon. - Yes.
I have to pop it from as far away as possible.
- Without looking at it. - Without looking at it.
Does the balloon have to be the furthest distance possible from here?
Can I grab the balloon and go pop it in Braga?
Is that the furthest distance possible?
What pops balloons?
- I'm the MacGyver of balloons. MARKL: - Sure.
I just want to see if this is soft rubber or hard rubber
to see if it pops easily.
I'm going to destroy this balloon.
It's going to be serious. I'm going to throw things...
Can someone get me a blindfold?
APPLAUSE
I can already feel the spectacularity that's coming.
They had to place the balloon a certain distance away
and then burst the thing, using something.
However, they couldn't look at the balloon when bursting it.
Very well. Who is the first popper or popperess?
Ana Garcia Martins, Pipoca trying to make a pop.
I just can't look at it in the act of bursting,
until then I can... look at it plenty.
This is heavy.
# CALM INSTRUMENTAL THEME
#
What if it doesn't burst on my first try?
Can I pick it up again?
The thing is, you can't always be a genius.
There are tests where a person comes to meet the Olympic minimum.
So, I don't care. Here goes.
# INTENSE THEME
That's it.
It burst. I can't look at it...
Is it good?
Bye.
GABRIELA: It hadn't crossed my mind to take it from there.
I think we all know who's going to get a point.
Calm down. You don't know the distance...
You already know the distance that the others sent it,
that's why you're saying that.
It's not so much about distance.
The balloon bursts, because you pick up the balloon and throw the balloon.
What I wanted was a distance between you
and the balloon being burst. - I didn't realize.
- I'm understanding now. - It's in the envelope.
- It's a well-deserved point. - You'll see the others and you'll...
- It's not worth it. - A point for Ana Garcia Martins.
PEDRO: You're evil.
GABRIELA: She's up there, leave her be.
They can't stand seeing someone ahead. They do everything to bring them down.
It's okay. Let them be.
The same will happen to me. I'm with you.
It pained me just now to only give Pipoca a point,
so I wanted you to lift my spirits,
giving me something more satisfying because I'm beside myself.
The Taskmaster asks, the Taskmaster shall have.
The next segment brings one person who did things right
and another who I think will quench your thirst for satisfaction.
- You spat on me a lot. - Sorry.
You're thirsty.
It was at the S's.
# ENERGETIC INSTRUMENTAL THEME
Do the math. One, two, three, four...
Here are two more. Four times two.
Please calculate the distance afterwards, if you would.
What pops balloons?
Nails pop balloons.
To test it, I'm going to try to pop one with a balloon.
Okay.
# ENERGETIC INSTRUMENTAL THEME
Look!
I can't believe I didn't hit any.
Do you consider this to be a good distance?
You look like the blind twin from "Sunset".
- Your gaze is very close... - No, she's looking over there.
I can see the balloon, but I'm not looking at it.
- Doesn't that count? - Can I see you?
Yes.
LAUGHTER
- But I'm not looking at you. - You're seeing a thumbs up.
- No. - No?
- How many fingers am I holding up? - Some.
# ENERGETIC INSTRUMENTAL THEME
#
It looked like pudding.
#
- All this without seeing, right? - Yes.
#
I don't think he even touched one.
X-Acto. Nails.
And this more or less sharp pair of scissors.
Another climb to the roof.
(ENGLISH) The roof is on fire.
# ENERGETIC INSTRUMENTAL THEME LAUGHTER
#
You know those...
Those sports...
The throwing of the... Yes, the dart.
# ENERGETIC INSTRUMENTAL THEME LAUGHTER
#
APPLAUSE
I don't believe it.
I burst the balloon with a nail from the top of a roof.
I'm Tom Sawyer.
SCREAMS HUMS
GABRIELA SCREAMS
DISTORTED VOICE
It's necessary to measure... You were next to this peg.
I was here.
- Was it here? - Yes.
Are you guys playing around or what?
That was good.
- Bye. MARKL: - Bye.
APPLAUSE
- Pedro, wonderful. - I followed the rules.
You followed the rules. And you're happy with your performance.
I am. I took the nails up there, like, for safety.
If there's nothing else to throw, I'll throw the nails.
Because I never thought I'd hit that with nails, with my eyes closed.
Who didn't close their eyes, but looked somewhere else, was Gabriela.
- Say it. - Gabriela gave us a little taste
of what the blind girl from "Sunset" was like.
LAUGHTER APPLAUSE
She popped the balloon, but wasn't looking at the balloon
that wasn't there anymore. "Did I get it?" - Yes.
- "Tell me I got it." - I stayed in character.
VASCO: - Very good. - Shall we get to the results?
Yes.
Gabriela popped it with a nail at 3.3 m.
And Pedro popped it with a nail at 7.4 m.
VASCO: - Very good, Pedro Alves. - Not bad.
They didn't account for the height.
There's one thing that's disappointing me.
When I thought about this task,
images of arrows came to mind
cutting through the air towards the balloon. - I think you'll be happy
to see Eduardo "Robin" Madeira "of the Woods"'s attempt.
Let's do this.
LAUGHTER
I'm going to burst...
I was counting on this not having these points.
Do I have to be as far away as possible?
- Yes, and without looking at the balloon. - Without looking, obviously.
I needed something to put around my eyes.
- I can put the clipboard. - Let me just do this.
LAUGHTER
- It's stuck in the inflatable. - It went way over.
Taking aim.
- Is anyone in front? - No.
MARKL: It went down now.
EDUARDO: I could be here all day and not succeed.
Let's try from here.
- Is it on point? - Yes.
- So close. It grazed. - Grazed? Jacques Rousseau.
- You have great confidence with that. - I do.
- It hit the table. - Hit the table?
Let's move two steps closer. I was born for this.
Bravo!
APPLAUSE
(SPEAKS ENGLISH) - Yes! MARKL: - Bravo.
EDUARDO: I unearthed the terrine.
You have to make a mark here. MARKL BLOWS WHISTLE
Go rest. Thank you. That was a great moment.
Thank you.
My God.
For me, the great moment of this challenge
is when he doesn't hit the balloon but the inflatable that's far away.
And during the challenge, the inflatable starts to deflate.
PEDRO: Dying slowly.
- Had you done that before? - Practicing archery is easy.
Walking with water in your belly is very difficult,
but driving blindfolded and... EDUARDO: - I'm not normal.
"I can do it with one leg tied behind my back."
Tell me about Eduardo's results. Distance.
Eduardo managed to destroy not just a balloon,
but a terrine in a spectacular way
with an arrow shot from 5.1 m. VASCO: - Not bad.
Now we just need to see Gilmário Vemba's challenge.
Gilmário answers a question about Portuguese popular culture,
how would the classic show of our friend Catarina Furtado,
"Shower of Stars", be if instead of stars it had nails.
GILMÁRIO: "Pop the balloon from the furthest distance possible.
"And you can't look at the balloon until it pops."
Right.
(ENGLISH) Watch out! Protect yourselves!
Something bad is going to happen.
Then put subtitles on this.
DEEP BREATH
New sporting modality, unlock.
NAILS
Guys, be careful.
# INTENSE THEME
#
NAILS
What water is that?
Did the balloon pop?
# INTENSE INSTRUMENTAL THEME
APPLAUSE
(...)
It popped!
APPLAUSE
(...)
AUDIENCE: Gilmário, Gilmário, Gilmário.
First time. I felt it.
A shower of nails never fails.
Dread.
First time... Excuse me. Trophy for Gilmário Vemba now.
Call the next one. I have nothing else to do here.
The balloon popped. Nails... Look here.
Everyone standing and everything. A shower of nails never fails.
And everyone is safe. No one got hurt.
(ENGLISH) Yes!
MARKL:- Monumental. Monumental. - Nuno, you have connections to Maxmat.
What I ask of the gentlemen from Maxmat and Leroy Merlin
is that from now on the big nail
should be called Vemba's nail. - No, it'll sound like something else.
Gilmário, this is one of the highlights of your career here.
Very high. I never do anything well with sales.
And suddenly, in the first attempt...
Congratulations to the editing team. It turned out even more spectacular.
You were up there with your arm.
Me closing that scene... It looked like a serious competition.
MARKL:- Let's go by meters. - And by points.
This nail shower from Gilmário was shot at 14.2 m.
VASCO:14 m on the first try. Incredible.
MARKL:It was practically double Pedro's.
- Pipoca got one point. ANA:- Unfair.
With two points, Eduardo. With three points, Gabriela.
With four points, Pedro. And five points for Gilmário.
VASCO:Very good.
AUDIENCE: Gilmário, Gilmário, Gilmário.
- King of nails! MARKL: - Let's see...
Pedro moves into the lead with 24. Ana with 23. Gilmário with 22.
Eduardo with 19 and Gabriela with 17.
Only Gabriela can't win.
This has never happened to me. I'm very sad.
We have in the running for today's prize,
Eduardo Madeira, Gilmário Vemba, Pipoca Mais Doce and Pedro Alves.
This last challenge will decide everything. Good luck to all.
And a round of applause for our five magnificent contestants.
Pipoca Mais Doce, Gilmário Vemba, Gabriela, Pedro, Eduardo,
to the stage.
APPLAUSE
It's good. It's tight.
It's time, it's time It's time to win
Markl, let's finish this "Taskmaster" as always,
with a task done live here in our theater.
- And who's going to read the task? - It's a team task.
Who's going to read the task is our guest.
You'll have to divide yourselves into a team of three and a team of two,
which means Gabriela will have to choose.
VASCO: Sounds like school. You have to choose.
I've been friends with Eduardo for years. I like him a lot.
But they are both very clumsy
and Pedro always loses.
And since I really like to win, I'm going to join my...
- My fiercest competition. - She didn't even count on Pipoca.
Ignored me. "I'm going to join Gilmário.
"- The other one, poor thing." - Stopped here. Pipoca...
I'm going to be friends with Gilmário and Pipoca.
- Should I read? - Yes.
- I'll read. MARKL:- Read.
I can read with you, we're on the same team.
"A member of your team has to write the names of ten animals
in two minutes." - Do you want to write?
Which member of each team is going to write animal names?
- Are you fast? - I'm fast at writing.
- Who's going to be the person... - I am.
- Pipoca. MARKL:- You can come here.
Eduardo, go to your board.
Think that maybe I'll be the one who's going to do the animals.
Do simple stuff. I don't know how to do a monkey.
It's two minutes to write ten animals.
- And we can't say them? - Time starts now.
- Can't we help? - You can't.
GILMÁRIO: Go, Pipoca.
GABRIELA: Do you think we're supposed to do the animals?
GILMÁRIO: I think so.
Gabriela and Gilmário are already thinking about what to do next.
GILMÁRIO: Pipoca, think of easy animals.
EDUARDO: I chose animals that I thought had something to do with Pedro.
I didn't choose them randomly.
- Is that good or bad? - There might be...
- Pipoca, are you ready? ANA: - Yes.
- I'll give Pipoca the second tranche. - No.
ANA: "Communicate the other team's animals to your team members,
"repeatedly saying the letter of the alphabet that comes before
"the letter by which your animal's name begins.
"You can't say anything else.",
"While doing this, you can do an imitation of the animal."
MARKL: Which of you is coming to the opposing team's board?
- It can't be the designers. - Then...
- Pedro has to come here. - I will.
ANA:- Who imitates better... - Gabriela is an actress.
Pedro is going to do an animal for Madeira
and Gabriela does an animal for Pipoca and Gilmário.
MARKL:You have 30 seconds to do each imitation.
You have to reach an agreement on what the animal is.
- Of course. - Talk to each other.
I easily reach an agreement, because it's just me.
GABRIELA:- Who starts? - You. There you go.
I'm going to give the starting whistle for your first imitation.
GABRIELA: Go on. MARKL WHISTLES
- D. - Elephant.
We were going to negotiate first. But that's it.
PEDRO:- Can you make sounds? - She's saying the letter.
GILMÁRIO: It's just so we don't... in the next one...
- Sorry. - I agree,
but it's just so we don't fail later. - "We were going to negotiate first."
MARKL: Pedro, it's your turn. MARKL WHISTLES
O. O. O. O.
- F. PEDRO: - O. O. O. O.
- Seagull. - O.
O.
Yes, it's a seagull.
MARKL WHISTLES Time's up.
- Time's up. - What the heck was that animal?
It was the duck. The letter has to be O.
- Was that a duck? - Wasn't it?
It was like a quack-quack...
You can't make sounds. I said the sound of the letter.
You're right.
MARKL: Gabriela... Attention. MARKL WHISTLES
B. B. B.
B, C. Snake. Snake, Gilmário.
- Say snake. - Snake!
APPLAUSE
- I have to move over here. MARKL: - Let's go, Pedro.
- T. - T?
You have to think of the next letter. I can't say anything else.
# ENERGETIC INSTRUMENTAL THEME
ANA: Look at him go around and around.
MARKL: - Is that a T? EDUARDO: - Bear.
- He got it. Did you get it? - No. I got there because of the T.
MARKL: You can't say anything else except the letter.
- The imitation doesn't... - I tried to do the Natura bear.
- I got it. - The bear sticking its tongue out?
- Let's go to the next animal. - Do bears stick their tongues out?
- O. O. - Duck. Bird.
- O. O. O. - It's P, isn't it? P.
EDUARDO: That's what I wanted.
- O. O. - Budgie. Parrot.
It's parrot. Parrot.
- Negotiate, Pipoca. - You don't say anything.
MARKL: - Next animal. - Letter Q.
# ENERGETIC INSTRUMENTAL THEME
#
- Q. MARKL: - Ten seconds.
EDUARDO: Q. Is it an earthworm?
- How could it be an earthworm? MARKL: - Time's up.
- Q. - Rat! It's a rat!
- A rat? - Think of the next letter.
Is it a rat?
O, P, Q, R. It was right.
MARKL: Gabriela, let's go to your next animal.
- A rat... - O. O. O. O.
ANA: P. O, P?
- It's P. Duck. Pig. GILMÁRIO: - Pig. Pig!
- Pig? - Pedro...
Calm down, Pedro. MARKL BLOWS WHISTLE
Letter B as in boy.
LAUGHTER
MARKL: - You just have to say the letter. - Just the letter.
EDUARDO: Dog.
EDUARDO: I almost fell.
MARKL: You can only make the sound of the letter.
PEDRO: The sound of the letter? MARKL WHISTLES
- O. O. - O, L.... Lazy?
GILMÁRIO: - Lazy? - Lazy.
ANA: Very good.
MARKL: - Pedro, let's go to yours. - "I am a quality actress."
MARKL WHISTLES E.
LAUGHTER
Seal.
MARKL: At this point, we're 5-3.
MARKL WHISTLES GABRIELA: K.
GILMÁRIO: - Koala. - K, it's L. It has to be L.
- Lemur. Lemur... GILMÁRIO: - Lizard.
- Lizard, caterpillar... - Lizard.
ANA: Larva.
- Lion. - Slug.
- Slug? - Slug like that, damn?
MARKL: Time's up. MARKL WHISTLES
GABRIELA: - So? Llama. - Never in my life.
You should have spat. Aren't they llamas?
- Pedro, let's do this. - Madeira, focus.
MARKL WHISTLES F.
EDUARDO: Cat.
ANA: I chose wrong. I didn't know.
Gabriela... MARKL WHISTLES
T. T. T.
ANA: Bear.
It's in sync.
MARKL: - Pedro... PEDRO: - F.
EDUARDO: Chicken.
Gabriela... MARKL WHISTLES
- F. - Cat.
VASCO:- Well... MARKL:- Blazing pace.
- Pedro... VASCO:- Negotiate.
MARKL WHISTLES F.
EDUARDO:Seagull.
GILMÁRIO:The seagull.
MARKL:Round nine. MARKL WHISTLES
- B. ANA:- Dog.
It was already.
MARKL:- Pedro... - A.
Ox.
Donkey.
Whale.
MARKL:Last round.
GABRIELA:- K. ANA:- Alligator.
GABRIELA:- K. - K... L.
- Lizard? - Lobster.
Lizard. Little lizard.
APPLAUSE
- Pedro... GILMÁRIO:- Are you done?
MARKL WHISTLES B.
Snake.
I'm all scraped up.
MARKL:- Let's get to the results. - I already went.
Gabriela, Pipoca, and Gilmário's team, nine correct answers.
Pedro and Eduardo's team, eight correct answers.
So, the team on this side won.
VASCO: Which means we're giving five points to Gabriela,
five points to Gilmário and five points to Pipoca.
And Pipoca is today's "Taskmaster" winner.
(ENGLISH) Finally.
And we're about to see Pipoca celebrate as she should
with those incredible prizes. - Loads of money.
But before we go, what did we learn today?
We learned that sometimes a baby can be H2O.
And there are a lot of crazies driving your grandma's scooter.
Take a dip in the pool, get in on the fun.
Watch out for pedestrians crossing the crosswalk.
And even in a time when you feel down in the dumps
there's always a blue ball on a wagon wheel.
And throughout your life you'll have some dead knots,
so put on your raincoat, because tomorrow it might even rain nails.
Thank you and good night. This was "Taskmaster".
Go celebrate!
AUDIENCE: Pipoca, Pipoca, Pipoca...
# TASKMASTER THEME APPLAUSE
# (...)
Adaptation and Subtitling RTP - Adapted Contents