Mark sends 148 cheeky text messages
Mark is visibly stunned to learn that he was the only contestant assigned this task, claiming that it had overshadowed five months of his life.
Alex points out that the task had also overshadowed five months of Greg’s life, since the texts were being sent to his real mobile number from Mark’s burner phone.
Greg explains that he is a needy person, and that each time his phone had beeped during the period, he’d hoped it was someone reaching out to him, only to find it was always Mark Watson. After Mark emphasises that he’d put a lot of effort into the messages he’d sent, Alex pulls out a ring-bound book titled ‘Cheeky Texts by Mark Watson’, and then reads out some examples. The first message reads “Hi sexy, just getting in touch, this is the first of 150 messages. You’re in for a treat.” Another, on page 12 of the book, states simply “I have a big dick.” Another one asks “Can you lend me fifty quid?”.
Ultimately, it is revealed that Mark had only sent 148 of the required 150 text messages, so he is disqualified and earns no points.
During an episode of the Taskmaster podcast, it was revealed that Mark had been filming his appearance on The Island with Bear Grylls during the five month period in question, and so had had to pre-write a month's worth of texts for his partner to send on his behalf.
(Written by JoGo and proofread by Karl Craven)
(Illustrations collected and adjusted by: David Fuller)
Attempt Notes
Reddit user MachetesAndRedTape compiled the following list of 45 of Mark's texts from a variety of sources, including this bonus footage posted by the TV channel formerly known as Dave, two Instagram posts by Mark himself (here and here), and what was included in one of the official Taskmaster books:
- “Hey sexy! Just getting in touch. This is the first of 150 messages. You’re in for a treat!!”
- “Hey Taskie. Don’t worry about not replying yesterday. We’ve got so much time ahead of us.”
- “I’ve not been feeling too good today. You would make it better.”
- “Just having a curry. I can think of some ways you could make it spicier!”
- “My birthday today. It would feel like my birthday every day if you were here.”
- “Miss you today.”
- “Nearly didn’t get a message to you in time. Phew. Love you.”
- “Getting it out of the way early this time. Now we can all sleep easy.”
- “I hope you have the beautiful weekend you deserve.”
- “I have a big dick.”
- “Like, you know, a good size penis.”
- “Off to see Moonlight. It won the Oscar. Should be in for a treat. Would be more of a treat if …”
- “It was good – maybe not as good as Man Down”
- “Or Cuckoo”
- “Couple of wines down. I love you man. I don’t mind that you don’t reply. I know what we have.”
- “I’m just in my undies.”
- “Do the others do this for you? Like I do?”
- “Wearing some new jeans that you would like.”
- “Wearing nothing at all.”
- “Can you lend me fifty quid?”
- “Different sort of cheeky, this.”
- “Fifty quid just to get some stuff like petrol.”
- “Naked except for my socks.”
- “Any update on that cash gift? At a stretch I can take a cheque if you don’t have notes.”
- “I hope I didn’t embarrass you with all that talk about trying to borrow money …”
- “… I just felt like we’d had enough ‘cheeky texts’ to get to know each other, and now it’s time to open up a bit.”
- “And obviously, you’ve done pretty well for yourself”
- “So I’m going to stop beating around the bush asking for £50 or £100 here or there.”
- “And I’m going to come straight to the point can I have thirty grand?”
- “Thirty grand, thirty thousand pounds. I know you’ve got a fair bit put by, and it would make the world of difference.”
- “I can’t wait till July, to finally be able to see you and catch up with you in person.”
- “Mate – this is really awkward – the ££ isn’t in my account yet?”
- “Sometimes (I’m only saying this to clear the air) you can be a bit distant.”
- “Like, to give one example, I’ve been texting you since February 9th without hearing back.”
- “I know I said I didn’t mind. Back when this started. But, I don’t know, anyone would feel weird sending 100 texts and not hearing back.”
- “Is there any chance I could have some extra points? Again I hate asking.”
- “But I really messed up some of the tasks you see.”
- “I’m in Leicester. You? Cheeky half!?”
- “I’m in London. You? Cheeky half?”
- “Still in London. We could have the cheeky half wherever you like though. I’m able to travel.”
- “I can come as far north as at least Manchester.”
- “Sending you big love from the big Apple (which is what they call New York) 😁”
- “Different time zone. Makes me miss Mr Taskie. 😓”
- “Did I mention I have a fat old cock.”
- “Didn’t really sell it there! Not ‘old’. Girth is there though. It’s the real deal.”
