Episode 9: Bing bang schlong

Episode synopsis

In this episode the contestants must bring in the most edible-looking inedible item, steal the Taskmaster's portrait, plant an umbrella in the right spot, take Paul on the perfect first date, wear a tie in a brand new way, and recreate scenes from New Zealand history.

Title context

'Bing bang schlong' was an exclamation by Urzila Carlson, during the 'Wear a tie in a brand new way' task.

Alternate Titles

• On Sweden's SVT Play streaming platform, this episode is titled 'En mycket obekväm dejt', which translates as 'A very uncomfortable date'. This is a reference to the 'Take Paul on the perfect first date' task. [Translator credit: DANI]

Taskmaster Intro

Kia ora! Welcome to the penultimate episode of Taskmaster New Zealand, series two. I'm Jeremy Wells, and as long as I am sitting on this ornate throne, I am the Taskmaster. As always, I'm joined by five notorious comedians who have spent the last few months trying to impress me by completing a series of painstaking tasks. Tonight, we watch what they've done, and I will decide who was best, who was worst, who was second-best, who was second-worst, and who is middle. Next week, our series two winner will be crowned and they will take home this. King Midas dipped his finger in a Resene test pot, and we pour it over a cheap mould of my head. Let's meet our comedians.

Note: 'Kia ora' is Māori for 'Hello'.

Assistant Intro

And here by my side is New Zealand television's most beloved administration expert. It's Paul Williams!

Taskmaster's Sign-off

It's been a beautiful 60 minutes spent with you all, or 0.00126% of the life span of a blue whale. We've thrust umbrellas into the soil, forced Paul Williams into adultery, and invented a brand new style of fashion ― 97% nudity. Best of all, we've found a winner amidst the chaos, in the form of Matt Heath!