Andy creates Pigeor the Merciless One

Andy’s children’s TV show is named ‘The Horney Hour’, and is presented in the dome by Alex and his sidekick, Pigeor, a mannequin with a pigeon’s head and bear’s claws, wearing a red cape, long white wig, and black top hat.

Pigeor, whose beak and paws are rigged up to strings operated by Andy, outside the dome, introduces himself as “the merciless one” and shares in his terrifying, deep voice that “from my beak of bleakness flows a bitter cascade of eternal despair.”

After Alex asks Pigeor to lighten things up for the kids, Pigeor responds with “Go fuck yourself, Alex Horne. I don’t like children. They often grow up to be adults, who are mostly awful.”

When Alex points out that it’s a kids’ TV show, and asks Pigeor to do something the kids might like, Pigeor offers to sing his pigeon song. When Alex asks what his song is called, Pigeor responds that it’s “You Can’t Eat An Ice Cream When You’re Burning In Hell”. Alex refuses to allow Pigeor to sing his song, so Pigeor instead announces that he will peck “Alexeidaniovitch” to death. He then has to ask Alex to move closer to him, so he can issue his “fatal pecking”, and Alex complies.

In the studio, Greg asks “I mean, who hurt you, Andy?”, and questions whether Pigeor is a charismatic children’s TV character. When he asks “Do I want a satanic pigeon pecking my head off?”, Andy responds that “Children don’t know what’s best for them, though, do they?”, prompting Greg to ask “What’s wrong with you?”.

While awarding points, Greg states that third and fourth place are “between a talking shit and a murderous pigeon”, prompting Andy to comment “A dance as old as time itself” (thus coining the episode title). Andy ultimately earns 3 points for Pigeor.

(Written by Karl Craven and proofread by M3 / Andres Sanchez)

(Illustrations collected and adjusted by: David Fuller)