Jon's “strangely attractive” farmer's wife

Jon also appears to be familiar with the same altered version of ‘Hey, Diddle, Diddle’ as Richard, and somewhat sheepishly performs the full version on camera: “Hey, diddle, diddle / The cat did a piddle / All over the kitchen floor / A little doggie laughed / To see such fun / So the cat did a little bit more”.

However, he instead opts to perform a rendition of ‘Three blind mice’ on the creepiest-sounding toy piano which has ever existed.

His music video for this rhyme starts with a bizarre overhead shot of him at the piano, and then cuts to a panning shot across a table, showing a chunk of cheese, three sets of miniature white canes and sunglasses, spots of blood, and then the severed tails of two mice, alongside a kitchen knife. The shot then cuts to the nightmarish vision of Jon dressed up as the farmer’s wife, grinning menacingly, with a bonnet and pigtails, and the bloody tail of the third mouse hanging from her mouth.

Greg describes it as “incredible” and then “incredibly disturbing”, and then reveals that he also made three notes during the playback: “nightmarish”; “creepy”; and “strangely attractive”.

Katherine seems genuinely concerned that Jon had made the disturbing video for children, but Greg points out that it is no more disturbing than seeing “a peanut fucked up by a train”.

Greg ultimately awards Jon a joint first place, alongside Doc.

(Written by Karl Craven)

(Illustrations collected and adjusted by: Karl Craven)