Episode 1: Dignity intact

Episode synopsis

In this episode the contestants must bring in the most excellent noise, give Alex a special cuddle, get Alex to dry land, score a basket without their hands, and get some fruit into a bowl.

Title context

'Dignity intact' is something that Aisling Bea uttered, while stood on a dock in her underpants, at the end of the 'Get Alex to dry land' task.

Alternate Titles

• On Denmark's TV2 Play streaming platform, this episode is titled 'Værdigheden bevaret', which translates as 'Dignity preserved'.
• On Finland's MTV Katsomo streaming platform, this episode is titled 'Arvokkuus tallella', which translates as 'Dignity intact'. [Translator credit: zador]

Taskmaster Intro

Hello! I'm Greg Davies, and a very warm welcome to the fifth series of Taskmaster. We have five new comedians waiting in the wings, all with wildly different skill sets and numbers of fans. Across the next eight episodes, they will learn to accept their many mistakes, to live with excruciating embarrassment, or, in the rarest of cases, revel in the glory of being brilliant at a completely pointless activity. As requested by each of them individually, the prize is this cheaply gilded and bodiless Greg Davies trophy. In eight episodes' time, only one of them will take it home as the proud series champion of Taskmaster. So, without further ado, let's meet this series' fantastic five.

Assistant Intro

And here, once more, desperately hoping for a better introduction than this... It's little Alex Horne!

Taskmaster's Sign-off

So, what have we learnt today? We have learnt that if you cuddle any of these people, you're probably gonna get hurt. And we've learnt that Mark Watson looks like a fucking heron. But most importantly, we've learnt that the winner of the first episode of series five is... [opera singer sings 'Bob Mortimer']. Thank you, everyone. Good night!