Ben lives a whole life

Ben narrates his goal attempt by saying “Ben Hurley steps up for new club Spurs City United”.

After scoring, he then runs around the back of the net screaming “Goooaaalll!”. He then joins a conga line with Paul and two mannequins attached to poles and wearing Ben’s clothing, yelling “Who are ya?!”.

Ben then leaves the conga line, claiming he’s now a famous footballer and is therefore going to drive his Aston Martin and marry a supermodel. He then runs over to a silver car, which definitely isn’t an Aston Martin.

He is next seen on the dock, where Paul is pronouncing him to be married to his ‘supermodel’ – a mannequin wearing a dress and blonde wig. Ben and his new wife embrace, and he carries her off.

Ben is then seen sitting at the desk in the study, stating “Wow, what a fantastic footballing career”. The phone on the desk then rings, and Ben answers it, saying “What? Tax? How often do I have to pay that? Every year? Eugh!”.

He then runs across the room; his ‘supermodel’ wife is there, and there is a Swiss flag behind him. He claims that he has moved to a country with more lax tax laws. He then notices his wife has a suitcase. Paul, crouching behind the mannequin, picks up the suitcase and moves the mannequin away, depicting her leaving him. Soft music plays, and Ben solemnly sings:

I scored a goal
I scored a goal
Who are ya? Who are ya?

In the studio, Jeremy says that Ben’s celebration had an amazing story arc, including a beginning, a middle, and about six endings. Ben responds that “Yeah, it was a long denouement, as they say in the film industry”, thus coining the episode title.

Ben earns 2 points.

(Written by JoGo and proofread by Karl Craven)

(Illustrations collected by JoGo & Will G and adjusted by David Fuller)