Hayley exposes and proposes

Hayley scores her goal against Paul, who is standing in the middle of the goalposts but doesn’t move.

Her celebrations begins with her screaming while confetti is thrown at her, before sliding in slow motion along a wet tarpaulin. She then tears open her t-shirt to reveal her ‘breasts’ (actually a flesh-coloured bra onto which she has drawn nipples). She then opens and sprays some champagne, while more confetti is thrown at her. After drinking some of the champagne from the bottle, she points to the sky and says “Thank you!”.

Hayley then looks around and asks where her girlfriend is. Paul arrives, playing the part of ‘Paulina’, wearing a white scarf and short red wig, and Hayley then proposes to her. Paulina accepts her proposal, and they then kiss passionately for a long time.

In the studio, Jeremy says that having a goalie in place had created some authenticity. Tom criticises Hayley’s kiss, in retaliation for her criticism of his kiss during his own attempt. Hayley points out that she and Paul had attended drama school, and had used an old technique for their kiss where they’d inserted their thumbs into their own mouths. Ben responds that it was money well spent. Jeremy states that at least Hayley had used a proper human, and points out that it was the least toxic relationship seen so far. Abby then asks if, on the scale of mannequin to human, whether Paul was right in the middle.

Hayley earns 5 points.

(Written by JoGo and proofread by Karl Craven)

(Illustrations collected by JoGo & Will G and adjusted by David Fuller)