David smashes the shit out of the egret

After sitting down at the table, David looks at the egret for a while before announcing “I’ve got a stuffed puffin at home”. When Alex asks him why this is, David explains that his friend (and former team-mate) Hermann Hreiðarsson had gifted it to him.

After reading the task brief, he claims that he doesn’t regret anything.

In the studio, Greg requests more information on David’s stuffed puffin, and David explains that he’d lived in Iceland for six months, where it is an annual tradition in certain areas to throw baby puffins (pufflings) off of cliffs (for their own good). He notes that the puffins float around in the sea for two years before they start flying, and that the stuffed one he was gifted clearly didn’t fly very well, and had instead ended up on his mantelpiece.

When Greg questions why Hermann Hreiðarsson had decided to buy him a stuffed puffin as a gift, David argues that perhaps he didn’t actually buy it, suggesting that it was likely gifted to Hermann as a local celebrity.

Back in the living room, David sits silently before asking Alex if time is an issue. When Alex confirms that he doesn’t need to use the full 15 minutes, David immediately grabs the egret and tries to pull its head off, before smashing it against the edge of the table until the legs come off instead.

Placing the two pieces of the bird back on the table, he claims that he regrets his action. When Alex questions this, David claims that “it was a nice bird”, before observing that it appears to be made of plastic. When Alex points out to him that it wasn’t actually a real bird, David sniffs it and states “Doesn’t even smell like a real bird”. When Alex asks him what he thinks a real bird would smell like, David suggests “Nests”.

As Alex thanks David for his attempt and begins to apologise for his regret, David picks the egret up and again smashes it against the edge of the table, breaking off its head, before saying “Just in case”.

In the studio, Greg questions whether David had actually felt any regret over his actions, likening him to a “serial killer”. David claims that now, whenever he sees his puffin at home, he thinks of the egret.

When giving out points, Greg puts it to David that he “did not regret smashing that bird up at all”, prompting David to react with a simple “Wow”, in mock offence. Greg awards him just 1 point.

(Written by Karl Craven and proofread by M3 / Andres Sanchez)

(Illustrations collected by Jenny R and adjusted by Karl Craven)