Ray’s off-brand version of Islands in the Stream

Ray claims he does not have a musical bone in his body. To demonstrate this, he plays a bad tune on the melodica and then claims it was Celebration by Kool and the Gang.

His duet is titled ‘Archipelagos in The Creek’, and is an off-brand tribute to the song Islands in the Stream, because they couldn’t afford to pay A$10,000 for the rights to the original song.

Ray performs in front of a green-screen in the lab, upon which are shown images of flowers, bowls, peanut butter, and slurry.

One of the performing Rays is wearing glasses, and the other one is not.

The lyrics to his song are as follows:

[No glasses]:
Ray, I love your curly hair.
And I love your glasses you’re wearing over there.

[Glasses]:
Ray, you make my heart flutter.
And my love for you is as smooth as your favourite peanut butter.

[No glasses]:
Ray, I love you even though you’re from Wanganui,
and the river is so brown there, it looks a little poo-y.
We can spend the days together, going out and playing bowls,
and I’ll take all your money when you die of high cholesterol.
Mmm Yeah. Coming in with a rap verse.

[Glasses]:
Time to back up the rap verse.
Yeah. Archipelagos in the crib!

[Both]:
That’s who we are, just a couple of freaks.
Archipelago!
Who can’t drive a car.
Get an Uber with me back to my flat.
Yeah, my boys.
Split the rent together.
Or we can move in with my mother.

[Glasses]:
His mother is my mother.
Word to your mother.
I’m coming out for all your mothers.

As the song ends, we see Ray in front of the green-screen with Paul kneeling, holding up the lyrics for him. Ray says that he thinks he nailed the rapping, and that he felt like “a white Eminem”.

In the studio, Jeremy points out that the only difference between the two Rays is that one was wearing glasses, and Ray says that’s the two sides of his personality: one can see well, and one is as blind as a bat.

Jeremy gives Ray 10 imaginary points for effort, but just 1 actual point.

(Written by JoGo and proofread by Karl Craven)

(Illustrations collected by JoGo and adjusted by David Fuller)